Velcome to my house! I am Count Dracula, and I am pleased to have you as my Guest. Von't you sit down? Perhaps have a glass of rainwater Madeira? They say it is good for the blood.
Ah, I see you admire my library. It has been a labor of love for me. I have collected these books over many hundreds, I mean, many dozens of years. We are rather isolated here in my lonely castle, so perhaps a good book will comfort you should the nights become dreary.
This particular volume may be of interest to you. Yes, it is "Dracula's Guest." How fitting, would you not agree? Tis a first edition from 1914, though many of the stories here are much older, hailing from Christmas periodicals and other such dreadful publications.
Your humble host is, of course, indebted to Mr. Stoker for his kindness in writing a book about me, and the good name of Dracula is now known as it should be across the vorld. But you didn't know that he wrote a sequel to that beloved father of all vampire tales? Vell, that is completely understandable. It is not so much a sequel as it is. I don't even appear in it per se. An excerpt from the first draft of the original novel, removed to improve the pacing, I understand, but which then reappeared two years after Mr. Stoker's death as this stand-alone tale, one of several that you will find in this book.
I varn you, it is a book of horror. But I sense courage flows through your veins. Your blood is strong. I think you vill enjoy it. Allow me to give you a little preview of each story.
I would be remiss in not mentioning the titular story first. A young man finds himself vacationing in the snowy forests of Germany. He is an Englishman and therefore adventurous. He is also a fool. His carriage driver has the sense to discourage him, but he decides to valk alone through the graveyards on Valpurgis Night. Who is the main character, ve are never told. It could be Jonathan Harker, if you recall the original novel. Or it could be my dear companion Renfield, before we became officially acquainted. Mr. Stoker took some liberties with my relationship with him as you may know. Renfield is very much alive, and we remain--inseparable to this day. But I do not know who Stoker intended to be the lead man here, but vat does it matter? In a way, I am the hero of this little tale, so I'm sure you'll understand that this is my favorite of the collection. Five... FIVE dazzling Stars! Ah, ah, ah!
I am told you are a connoisseur of the old Amicus and Hammer anthologies. That is so? Then you will delight in "The Judge's House," my friend. Here, a mathematics student is distracted from his work by a rat infestation in a rented house. A little contrived, I admit, but a serviceable classic ghost story that is perfect for a quick spooky read on a blustery night. Four, four pointy Stars! Ah, ah, ah!
But the next story is the most contrived of all, I'm afraid! "The Squaw" is notable for being one of the silliest things I've ever read and years. It features another fool, an American stereotype who, for some reason that escapes me, is accompanying a couple on their honeymoon travels. But before you can say "menage a trois," the mad cowboy proceeds to do the most ridiculously reckless things you could ever imagine while they are touring an old castle in Nuremberg--leading to a predictably gory end. Oh, I delighted at the description of all that blood! But good riddance to one of the most irksome personalities in all of literature. Still, it has a great Gothic atmosphere, and never before have cats been more frightening, but I think this may have started the trend of bad decisions by horror protagonists in both books and film. I myself find the tale entertaining, but I can't rate it any higher than three... three twinkling Stars! Ah, ah, ah!
"The Secret of Growing Gold" taught me that if you're going to commit murder, make sure you do your diligence when hiding the body. The last heir of an ancient family murders the woman he has been living with "in sin," and in true Poe fashion, she reaches out from the grave for her revenge. A classic Gothic horror. Four, four shining Stars! Ah, ah, ah!
"The Gipsy Prophecy" concerns a young man who has his fortune told by a Bohemian queen--and told he will murder his wife. His friend advises that this frightening bit of news not be mentioned to the spouse, but like the rest of the fools in this compilation, he defies the sagacity of greater minds. Vell, obviously she doesn't find the situation at all amusing. You can skip this one, my friend. It is about as exciting as... Bucharest--on a Saturday night. Two, two falling Stars! Ah, ah, ah!
"The Coming of Abel Behenna" lends a fairy tale quality to a story about two young lads who toss a coin for the hand of the voman they both love. Unfortunately, one of them is a sore loser. A ghoulish morality parable. Four, four dazzling Stars! Ah, ah, ah!
I see your glass is empty! Please, allow me. And forgive me for not joining you. I never drink... vine. Ah, this next tale does give me just a twinge of jealousy. "A Dream of Red Hands" is a symbolic tale of the redemption of a noble soul. Four, four heavenly Stars! Ah, ah, ah!
Here is another story, called "Burial of the Rats," that informs me that Mr. Stoker had an irrational fear of rodents. Renfield, on the other hand, loves the little children of the night. But this is more of a simple tale of pursuit, involving another fool tourist who travels unarmed to a dangerous part of Paris, where he shows off his ring to a band of desperate thieves who will murder just too scavenge the pockets of the unwary. Three, three cute little stars! Ah, ah, ah!
The collection ends on a comedic note with the story "Crooken Sands." An English merchant and his family are vacationing in Scotland, and he is infatuated with the traditional dress of the Highland chiefs. So he commissions such an outfit for himself, and the results are amusing. Four, four funny Stars! Ah, ah, ah!
I trust you are tired from your journey, and your room has been prepared. I tend to keep late hours, and so if you do not see me about in the morning, perhaps this book vill entertain you until ve meet again. Good night, my literate friend. Pleasant dreams! Ah, ah, ah!