With The Force Awakens only days away, I decided to read another Star Wars book - this time, actually one of the "expanded universe" entries. Out of a great many I care not to count, I had only this one in my own precious personal library. But seeing as it focussed on the legendary Boba Fett, it seemed as good a place to start as any. The last Star Wars book I read was Aftermath, and I pointlessly wrote an in-depth review of that one. This time I’m just gonna keep things short because I have a cold and I need to work early in the morning. Need to give my brain ample time to rest and regenerate.
The book was penned by one K.W. Jeter. I’ve met him in real life; he’s an asshole. But his writing, for the most part, is adequate if not breathtaking. Fucking, if you find reading words on a page breathtaking in general, then you kind of need a girlfriend. But you know what I mean. The writing served its purpose, but it barely amazed me. But we all know Star Wars is not about beautiful prose. Just give us a good fun action-packed story and we’ll be quiet.
Well, things do start off that way. It begins during the events of Return Of The Jedi. Bounty Hunter Dengar is scavenging the wreck of Jabba’s sail barge, and he stumbles upon the nearly-dead body of Fett. His decision to take Fett under his wing, help him recover, and the attention this brings him from the bounty hunter's various enemies is one part of the story.
The other part takes place just after the events of A New Hope, after the rebellion destroys the first Death Star. As a spoiler-free synopsis: Boba Fett is lured into a web of conspiracy concerning the ill-reputed Bounty Hunters Guild. He is given a mission to destroy it from the inside, by turning its members against each other. This masterplan is conceived by Prince Xisor, dark leader of the underground criminal organisation, Black Sun.
To be honest, I don’t think this shadowy organisation is as genius as it’s made out to be. Basically, Xisor wants to pit the bounty hunters against each other, so that Fett’s business rivals can "kill themselves off" and Fett can charge extortionate fees for his expertise. Except Boba Fett - (we are constantly reminded) - works alone, independently; he doesn't side with the Empire, the Rebellion, or anything in between. Why eliminating all the other bounty hunters - universally considered incompetent, anyway - so that Fett can jack his price up, will help the Empire, or Black Sun, is not made clear. Maybe I need to get my brain refunded, but to me that makes little sense.
Anyway, they are the stories this book jumps between at irregular intervals. Both could easily have been turned into exciting adventures. But sadly, neither really makes the cut. They’re both just mediocre. Lots of multiple-paragraph conversations stretching over several pages, as if Tarantino wrote them, and they tend to repeat themselves too often; internal reflections in between verbal conversations that drag out so long, you often forget what the hell was said in the first place.
As this is Star Wars, I regret to say there's very little in the way of action. No lightsabers, and not too many laser blasts. There’s a sarlacc pit, which is cool; there’s a surprisingly graphic death scene near the end, concerning one of the Hutts. But these things happen few and far between. Most of the book is honestly people talking. I appreciate that great characters and the interactions between them can make any book riveting, whether or not there’s a gunshot thrown into the mix. Hell, I gave four stars to the least popular Clancy book, Red Rabbit, which is 90% dialogue, because the characters and the writing and the tension were so astounding. Here, though, that unfortunately isn't the case.
Boba Fett is basically no more fleshed out than in the films. He has cool-looking armour, and he’s a ruthless killer a with cold, calm, calculated mind. That’s his fucking character. There is no insight into what Boba Fett feels. And, what’s most disappointing about this is that only a small way into the book, you’re actually conned into thinking it’s going to be the very opposite. An in-depth character study on the man behind the mask.
The book starts off pretty strong - (just being set in the world of Star Wars immediately had me invested) - and for a little while, I actually fell under the impression it was going to be awesome. Probably the best part of the book - when Fett is cleaning the captive cages in Slave I after delivering his most recent prisoner to the Hutts who are going to torture him - has the man reflecting on the intangible but ever-present stink of fear and hopelessness that riddles the cargo hold of his ship like a ghost. He even reflects upon the messier elements of transporting human merchandise, in that they are often so consumed by terror that they lose control of their bodily functions, leaving Fett to clean piss and shit off the floor of their cages, as if he were carrying pigs to the abattoir and not sentient beings.
That is what I wanted from this book. And when it actually bothers, it delivers exceedingly well. The writer takes you into the mind of this dark and troubled individual, left alone after sending someone to unthinkable suffering at the hands of his punishers. It shows that part of his mind does register the immorality of his profession; that he is gaining from the extortion and suffering of others. The book actually made me feel sorry for his captive ... this puny little banker who was caught up in something he didn’t understand, and was now faced with being tortured by whatever horrific means the Hutts had in mind. He begs Fett to make a deal; Fett almost considers, but then decides his reputation is too important to compromise.
"His knees visibly weakened, his hands sliding down the bars as he sank limply toward the cage’s floor. Whatever glint of hope had been in his face was now extinguished”.
After handing him over, Fett notices the captive has left a message scraped into the floor. He doesn’t bother reading it, but takes a photographic record with his helmet to check later. Except he never does! This whole thing is forgotten about. And there I was, thinking the message carried some portentous meaning, and would somehow lead to Fett rescuing the captive from the Hutts later on. Or, I don’t know, something.
But there is, like, two more mentions of the captive’s name, and then he’s completely forgotten.
But yeah, Fett is barely given any character development here. Nor is he much of a “badass” if we're being honest. Most of the time he’s just talking to different members of the Hunters Guild, planting mutinous thoughts into their greedily receptive heads, being a little shit stirrer. This book kind of makes one of the cooler-looking Star Wars characters boring and not worth surviving the sarlacc pit at all. The only characters I found remotely interesting were Kud’ar Mub’at (yeah, that's actually his name), who is like this giant spider thingy that has made a floating station out of its own body. Prince Xisor was also pretty cool to read about; I liked the idea of this other evil mastermind trying to overthrow the Emperor behind the scenes. The fact that he’s behind everything in the Nintendo game, Shadows of the Empire, also scored points with me.
Then I also sort of liked the villain bounty hunter that begrudgingly sides with Fett, the bloodthirsty Trandoshan, Bossk. (Hey, do you know how many times I’ve had to click ignore spelling for this review?). But fucking Xisor pisses off to the grave in some other damned book and is barely mentioned in the second half. "Spider Thing" only appears once. And Bossk, while he gets a good amount of page-time, still cops the boot at the end of the story, and is basically left flying around in space doing nothing until the supposed next book in the series.
Other characters were just plain silly. Not once did I buy Zuckuss as a bounty hunter. What the fuck was he doing there? Neelah had a very interesting backstory. But, again, it’s only hinted at and not actually explored after making you think it’s going to be. Oh, she has a past with Boba Fett? Nup!! That can wait until the next book, dickhead. Get searching!!
And then Dengar is placed with Neelah, instead of that “Manaroo" girl he’s apparently in love with. Dengar’s sole motivation in helping and then selling out Fett is so that he and his girlfriend can escape the business for good. So why the hell is she only introduced briefly then chucked aside for Neelah to take over? I didn’t give a shit about Dengar because I was given no reason to be invested in his situation. Manaroo was just a faceless character with a stupid name to me. Neelah and Manaroo should have been the same person.
I might as well keep complaining. That’s all I’m really good for. That’s why my reviews are so popular. Fucking just look how many likes I have. I would like to take issue with the front cover. Check it out. So it definitely looks cool; it’s got that classic Star Wars thing going on. Not having read the story, the picture is fine. But since I’ve finished it, I think the front cover is wrong. The lower half is OK: there we have Boba Fett in his Mandalorian armour; Dengar in his rags. It took me a while to realise, because for some reason I thought she was a Twi-lek like Jabba’s other girls, but the lesbian there is Neelah. These three characters do belong on the cover.
But the large Darth Vader face, along with his ship, does not belong at all. If anything, Fett’s face should be the centre of this cover. But I suppose Prince Xisor would have fit there as well. Darth Vader only appears once in this story, and while that part was probably my second favourite moment in the book, he still bears little importance in this particular story. Vader’s ship should have been Slave I. But since that appears on the back cover, which I have no issues with, I suppose they could have Bossk’s ship, the Hound’s Tooth, instead. Effing, a giant flying penis would have belonged more than Vader’s ship.
My main problem with this book is that it feels like an incomplete first part to a larger story. And look, I’m not such a dumbshit I don’t understand most of my gripes with the character arcs feeling incomplete are likely addressed in the following books. But it’s not just that. The whole story is inconsistently structured. It never really latches onto any particular concept or plot-line, but keeps branching off into other suggested possibilities, never expanding any, but continuing down the hallway to a weak and rushed-out climax that resoles pretty much none of them.
It really could have done with an edit or a rewrite. I feel bad giving this book two stars and a negative review, but I’m afraid I just didn’t like it that much. And, what’s worse, the tools were all there for this to have been great. I also didn’t like it how Fett never took his helmet off. Guy even sleeps with his helmet on. Does he ever shower? Does he eat food? I mean, this was written before Attack of the Clones came out, but I always assumed there was a human being (if not necessarily a clone of one) behind that suit. But it feels like the writer wasn’t sure enough to commit, and so just takes the easy option and has him never take his armour off.
All these things have not dissuaded me from seeking out the other EU books. But I hope they are better and more focussed than this one was. Oh, and by the way, I haven’t actually met K.W. Jeter, so for all I know he’s not an asshole at all.