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Dear Cary: My Life with Cary Grant
He was the most charming, handsome, romantic, and famous leading man in the world....what could possibly go wrong?
With unparalleled honesty, Dyan Cannon shares the heartwarming and heartbreaking story of her magical romance and stormy marriage to screen legend Cary Grant.
He was the ultimate star, defining Hollywood glamour as well as cinematic achievement. She was a bright new actress, beautiful and funny, who would one day prove her talent by being the first woman to receive Academy Award nominations for her work on-screen and behind the camera.
When he asked to meet Dyan, she assumed it was for an acting part, but he had a different role in mind for her...and so began a storybook romance that brought her to dizzying heights. On his arm, she found herself traveling in the inner circles of power and glamour in which Cary Grant was king, with friends such as NoËl Coward, Jimmy Stewart, Frank Sinatra, Audrey Hepburn, and so many others considered Hollywood royalty.
Behind closed doors, she discovered a Cary no one knew. A thoughtful, caring, and private person, with dark family secrets that weighed heavily on him. He was a man contending with the swan song of an astonishing film career while her career was just beginning. Despite the age difference, they fell in love, got married, and had a beautiful daughter together. Happily Ever After still proved elusive, and their relationship was beset with tragic twists and turns. It took a tremendous toll on Dyan as she struggled to keep her heart and mind intact.
With rare photos and never-before-seen letters and notes from Cary Grant, Dear Cary is told with poignancy and hard-won wisdom. For anyone who has ever loved and lost, Dyan Cannon’s memoir is an exploration of what love means, and an inspirational story of surviving life’s slings and arrows.
With unparalleled honesty, Dyan Cannon shares the heartwarming and heartbreaking story of her magical romance and stormy marriage to screen legend Cary Grant.
He was the ultimate star, defining Hollywood glamour as well as cinematic achievement. She was a bright new actress, beautiful and funny, who would one day prove her talent by being the first woman to receive Academy Award nominations for her work on-screen and behind the camera.
When he asked to meet Dyan, she assumed it was for an acting part, but he had a different role in mind for her...and so began a storybook romance that brought her to dizzying heights. On his arm, she found herself traveling in the inner circles of power and glamour in which Cary Grant was king, with friends such as NoËl Coward, Jimmy Stewart, Frank Sinatra, Audrey Hepburn, and so many others considered Hollywood royalty.
Behind closed doors, she discovered a Cary no one knew. A thoughtful, caring, and private person, with dark family secrets that weighed heavily on him. He was a man contending with the swan song of an astonishing film career while her career was just beginning. Despite the age difference, they fell in love, got married, and had a beautiful daughter together. Happily Ever After still proved elusive, and their relationship was beset with tragic twists and turns. It took a tremendous toll on Dyan as she struggled to keep her heart and mind intact.
With rare photos and never-before-seen letters and notes from Cary Grant, Dear Cary is told with poignancy and hard-won wisdom. For anyone who has ever loved and lost, Dyan Cannon’s memoir is an exploration of what love means, and an inspirational story of surviving life’s slings and arrows.
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First published May 1, 2011
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About the author
Dyan Cannon
3 books11 followersDyan Cannon is an American film and television actress, director, screenwriter, editor, and producer. She is the mother of Jennifer Grant.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 443 reviews
July 27, 2015
This was a pleasantly surprising read, in fact I was unable to be parted from it for very long. Let's be honest, most of us would never pick up a bio of Dyan Cannon, but that all changes when Cary Grant is the subject. Given the plentiful multitude of books about Cary and some extraordinary claims that get more outlandish depending on the authors' hellbent needs for scandal, Ms. Cannon's book is very down-to-earth and revealing, without being too revealing.
Cannon starts the book really explaining about her early career and how it suddenly was swept by Monsieur Sparkly Eyes (that's my moniker, not hers). Her description of their courtship is really wonderful, as she brings out the private side of Grant while allowing us to ride with her on the magic journey. Then comes marriage and child and divorce. It really reads as a three-act play.
I admire her for not going too much into detail, as his LSD experiments were really based on his need to find quiet and a life force. Dyan has a sense of fun in writing this, and some of her asides had me laughing out loud. Cary Grant may come off as brooding and controlling one minute, then romantic and lively the next, but what I really loved was the way she called out his consistent comical accidents, such as getting his feet stuck to spilled Coca-Cola on her kitchen floor or him waking up on a London-bound ship, to find his socks frozen to the porthole.
The last part of the book is focused on Cannon, as she tries to find herself. So, you basically get an overall bio of her, mixed with the star-laden charm of Cary Grant. That's not bad at all.
Book Season = Year Round (G.O.A.T.)
Cannon starts the book really explaining about her early career and how it suddenly was swept by Monsieur Sparkly Eyes (that's my moniker, not hers). Her description of their courtship is really wonderful, as she brings out the private side of Grant while allowing us to ride with her on the magic journey. Then comes marriage and child and divorce. It really reads as a three-act play.
I admire her for not going too much into detail, as his LSD experiments were really based on his need to find quiet and a life force. Dyan has a sense of fun in writing this, and some of her asides had me laughing out loud. Cary Grant may come off as brooding and controlling one minute, then romantic and lively the next, but what I really loved was the way she called out his consistent comical accidents, such as getting his feet stuck to spilled Coca-Cola on her kitchen floor or him waking up on a London-bound ship, to find his socks frozen to the porthole.
The last part of the book is focused on Cannon, as she tries to find herself. So, you basically get an overall bio of her, mixed with the star-laden charm of Cary Grant. That's not bad at all.
Book Season = Year Round (G.O.A.T.)
February 11, 2012
This book started out a little choppy but quickly became engrossing. I've had an interest in Cary Grant ever since I saw him in the comedy "Arsenic and Old Lace" as a kid. From the outside he appeared to have it all -- talent, sophistication, popularity, and money. But to be in a relationship with him was apparently a completely different thing.
I had previously read Maureen Donaldson's "An Affair to Remember: My Life With Cary Grant," in which she mentions Dyan Cannon a couple times. (Donaldson dated Grant a few years after his divorce with Cannon.) She made it clear that Cannon had been a very important part of Grant's life (and was the mother of his only child), so when I saw that Cannon had finally written a book about the experience, I snapped it up.
Although the writing is a bit light and fluffy for my taste at times, Cannon does a good job of taking us along for the ride as Grant courts her and ultimately marries her. But this is where the story takes a turn for the dark. Grant made it clear to her from the beginning that he had been married three times before and did not feel like he had another marriage in him. This, combined with the way he finally proposes to her, gave me the impression that he did not want to be married -- he simply did not want to lose her. Their marriage was doomed from the start.
I will not spoil what happens next; suffice it to say that I became completely engrossed as the rest of the tale unspooled, and found myself living inside Cannon's head with her thoughts and feelings. She gives us a complete understanding as to why she would want (or NEED) to divorce one of the most desired men in the world.
We are definitely only getting one side of the story here, but Cannon writes about Grant with love and compassion despite their hardships. There's no libel or gossip here, just the telling of one of the most pivotal and impactful periods in her life.
Ultimately, I found this to be a very tragic series of events. These two people really could have had it all, but in my opinion it was Cary's dark side that prevented him from staying in most of his relationships for very long. Given all his accomplishments, I wish he could have been as happy as people thought he was.
I had previously read Maureen Donaldson's "An Affair to Remember: My Life With Cary Grant," in which she mentions Dyan Cannon a couple times. (Donaldson dated Grant a few years after his divorce with Cannon.) She made it clear that Cannon had been a very important part of Grant's life (and was the mother of his only child), so when I saw that Cannon had finally written a book about the experience, I snapped it up.
Although the writing is a bit light and fluffy for my taste at times, Cannon does a good job of taking us along for the ride as Grant courts her and ultimately marries her. But this is where the story takes a turn for the dark. Grant made it clear to her from the beginning that he had been married three times before and did not feel like he had another marriage in him. This, combined with the way he finally proposes to her, gave me the impression that he did not want to be married -- he simply did not want to lose her. Their marriage was doomed from the start.
I will not spoil what happens next; suffice it to say that I became completely engrossed as the rest of the tale unspooled, and found myself living inside Cannon's head with her thoughts and feelings. She gives us a complete understanding as to why she would want (or NEED) to divorce one of the most desired men in the world.
We are definitely only getting one side of the story here, but Cannon writes about Grant with love and compassion despite their hardships. There's no libel or gossip here, just the telling of one of the most pivotal and impactful periods in her life.
Ultimately, I found this to be a very tragic series of events. These two people really could have had it all, but in my opinion it was Cary's dark side that prevented him from staying in most of his relationships for very long. Given all his accomplishments, I wish he could have been as happy as people thought he was.
November 22, 2016
This was a fairly decent book, all things considered. It is the saga of Diane Friesen and Archibald Leach, known to the world as Dyan Cannon and Cary Grant: their courtship, marriage and the inevitable divorce that followed.
I had an ulterior motive in withdrawing this title from the library: I wanted to dig up info on Randolph Scott, Grant's room mate for years and rumoured to be his homosexual love interest. I need not have bothered, as Scott's name never comes up. I tried hard to believe that a twenty-something almost virgin slender little hottie could be swept off her feet by a man older than her father, but I couldn't shake the idea that, if Grant had been a penniless janitor, Dyan wouldn't have spared him a second glance. Predictably, she walks out and descends into substance abuse and near-madness.
I see no co-author listed so I must assume Ms Cannon wrote the book on her own. If that is the case, she has done a commendable job as the book is well structured with just the right amount of wit and humour to keep it interesting. Unfortunately, Ms Cannon does not come across as a particularly sympathetic character. She is given to what she sees as pranks, such as taking the keys from Grant's ignition while he is driving and tossing them in the grass. I know just how funny I would find that if she did it to me! And there were a number of times when she ordered restaurant food and pretended that she had cooked it herself. In fact, deception seems to be a way of life with Ms Cannon, which causes me to wonder how much of her book I can believe. There are some serious contradictions as well. An example:
Page 418: "I'm not leaving you because I don't love you. I'm leaving you to save my life>"
It was the last time I would ever be alone with him.
Page 424: "...hot gusts of black rage tore through my brain when I thought of the man who promised to always love me and never leave me."
So on one page, she's the young independent feminist reclaiming her independence from her patriarchal husband; six pages later she is the abandoned wife! Cannon reminds me of a poster I saw once: a photo of a gorgeous young woman with the caption:No matter how good she looks, right now some guy somewhere is tired of putting up with her shit. I wish I knew how to post images!
In brief, the book is well written in an entertaining manner, for the most part. Grant isn't savaged too much by Cannon, who seems fairly straightforward in discussing her own foibles. The details of Grant's tragic upbringing are interesting as is pretty much everything up until page 400 or thereabouts when Cannon meets her spiritual leader, then the book starts to fall apart along with Cannon. Before we escape from her clutches she treats us to a bad poem that apparently came to her out of nowhere and also a cheesy letter to her now-deceased husband, his inability to read it seemingly no deterrent to her. I wish Grant had written a book to tell us how happy he was that he was rid of her.
I had an ulterior motive in withdrawing this title from the library: I wanted to dig up info on Randolph Scott, Grant's room mate for years and rumoured to be his homosexual love interest. I need not have bothered, as Scott's name never comes up. I tried hard to believe that a twenty-something almost virgin slender little hottie could be swept off her feet by a man older than her father, but I couldn't shake the idea that, if Grant had been a penniless janitor, Dyan wouldn't have spared him a second glance. Predictably, she walks out and descends into substance abuse and near-madness.
I see no co-author listed so I must assume Ms Cannon wrote the book on her own. If that is the case, she has done a commendable job as the book is well structured with just the right amount of wit and humour to keep it interesting. Unfortunately, Ms Cannon does not come across as a particularly sympathetic character. She is given to what she sees as pranks, such as taking the keys from Grant's ignition while he is driving and tossing them in the grass. I know just how funny I would find that if she did it to me! And there were a number of times when she ordered restaurant food and pretended that she had cooked it herself. In fact, deception seems to be a way of life with Ms Cannon, which causes me to wonder how much of her book I can believe. There are some serious contradictions as well. An example:
Page 418: "I'm not leaving you because I don't love you. I'm leaving you to save my life>"
It was the last time I would ever be alone with him.
Page 424: "...hot gusts of black rage tore through my brain when I thought of the man who promised to always love me and never leave me."
So on one page, she's the young independent feminist reclaiming her independence from her patriarchal husband; six pages later she is the abandoned wife! Cannon reminds me of a poster I saw once: a photo of a gorgeous young woman with the caption:No matter how good she looks, right now some guy somewhere is tired of putting up with her shit. I wish I knew how to post images!
In brief, the book is well written in an entertaining manner, for the most part. Grant isn't savaged too much by Cannon, who seems fairly straightforward in discussing her own foibles. The details of Grant's tragic upbringing are interesting as is pretty much everything up until page 400 or thereabouts when Cannon meets her spiritual leader, then the book starts to fall apart along with Cannon. Before we escape from her clutches she treats us to a bad poem that apparently came to her out of nowhere and also a cheesy letter to her now-deceased husband, his inability to read it seemingly no deterrent to her. I wish Grant had written a book to tell us how happy he was that he was rid of her.
January 27, 2012
I'm torn about how to rate this book...it was a definite page turner, I couldn't put it down. But in some ways I wish that I hadn't read it, because it changed the positive impression that I had of Cary Grant in general. After reading Jennifer Grant's very loving book about Cary Grant as a father, Dyan Cannon's book was a sad bookend. It was fascinating to read the early part of the book, about her early days in Hollywood, and being wooed by Cary Grant, but after a few years together, things became very sad for the two of them together. Dyan Cannon was so young when she met him, there's no way she could have stood up to him and been on equal footing as a life partner. Her letter to him at the end of the book, about forgiveness, made my cry. It's a book worth reading -- but read Jennifer Grant's book after that, so you can then be dazzled by stories of Cary Grant as a dad!
February 20, 2016
Dyan Cannon tells about her years with Cary Grant.
This book was given to me by a friend. I probably would not have read it otherwise. Not because it was written by Dyan Cannon but because it concerns Cary Grant. Both stars that I admire. Its not always good to read negative things about someone you place on a pedestal. And I have placed Cary Grant high on a pedestal. He was born way before my time but his presence on screen is timeless. But we are all human, even celebrities. We all have our quirks and Cary apparently had a few himself. But the story didn't paint him as a monster, in my opinion. Yes, my view of Cary may have been tarnished a little and it would have been nice to get Cary's point of view on things but he is still on that pedestal. However, I did find myself admiring the person Dyan became through it all.
This book was given to me by a friend. I probably would not have read it otherwise. Not because it was written by Dyan Cannon but because it concerns Cary Grant. Both stars that I admire. Its not always good to read negative things about someone you place on a pedestal. And I have placed Cary Grant high on a pedestal. He was born way before my time but his presence on screen is timeless. But we are all human, even celebrities. We all have our quirks and Cary apparently had a few himself. But the story didn't paint him as a monster, in my opinion. Yes, my view of Cary may have been tarnished a little and it would have been nice to get Cary's point of view on things but he is still on that pedestal. However, I did find myself admiring the person Dyan became through it all.
July 7, 2015
I'm a huge fan of Cary Grant. The first movie I watched of his was "An Affair to Remember" and I fell head over heels for him. Not hard, he basically played the perfect man. Handsome, charming, romantic - what's not to love?! In fact, that's who Cary Grant pretty much played his whole life. So it's actually not surprising to me after reading "Dear Cary" that Mr. Grant himself had trouble BEING Cary Grant. It's hard to live up to everyone's expectation when you're whole life you've played the perfect man.
Dyan Cannon and her "tell all book" about her marriage with Cary Grant wasn't really that shocking to me. I think probably most people from the first page knew that this marriage wasn't really going to have a happy ending. For one thing, the age difference between them was so vast (he was late 50s when they met, she was in her early 20s) and his track record (Dyan was #3) just didn't speak well for him. However I found myself falling in love with him (again) right alongside Dyan as she told the story of their meeting, dating, and eventual marriage. Yes things did crash and burn, the fairytale didn't last you might say, but for the most part I enjoyed reading it.
Now I realize Cary Grant isn't alive and Cannon may have waited a little too long to dish out her story but I didn't think this book read like a bashing. Yes the charming Cary Grant we all think we know doesn't always come off so charming in this book but to me Cannon's dishing is really more for her benefit than anyone else. Clearly she needed to tell this story. Is all of it 100% accurate? Um well can any story told 40+ years later really be 100% accurate? Probably not. Regardless it's clear Cannon went through some heavy stuff and her relationship with Grant was a catalyst for that. But to me the book read like she still loved and respected him despite everything.
This book mostly just focuses on Cary Grant as Dyan saw him. It's the tail end of his career and he's already lived more than a half of a century. I personally think most who want to know more about Grant probably should pick up another biography that spans his whole life. I intend to do that next. This book didn't really highlight Cary Grant himself just 6 years of his life. How can you judge anyone on that? If you're a huge Grant fan I'd say read Cannon's verison, why not, but be prepared to be a bit unsatisfied and want to know more. Also, despite the sometimes negative picture of Grant painted in this book, in the end I doubt you'll really love him any less than you did in the first place -- you'll just find out he's human, like the rest of us.
Dyan Cannon and her "tell all book" about her marriage with Cary Grant wasn't really that shocking to me. I think probably most people from the first page knew that this marriage wasn't really going to have a happy ending. For one thing, the age difference between them was so vast (he was late 50s when they met, she was in her early 20s) and his track record (Dyan was #3) just didn't speak well for him. However I found myself falling in love with him (again) right alongside Dyan as she told the story of their meeting, dating, and eventual marriage. Yes things did crash and burn, the fairytale didn't last you might say, but for the most part I enjoyed reading it.
Now I realize Cary Grant isn't alive and Cannon may have waited a little too long to dish out her story but I didn't think this book read like a bashing. Yes the charming Cary Grant we all think we know doesn't always come off so charming in this book but to me Cannon's dishing is really more for her benefit than anyone else. Clearly she needed to tell this story. Is all of it 100% accurate? Um well can any story told 40+ years later really be 100% accurate? Probably not. Regardless it's clear Cannon went through some heavy stuff and her relationship with Grant was a catalyst for that. But to me the book read like she still loved and respected him despite everything.
This book mostly just focuses on Cary Grant as Dyan saw him. It's the tail end of his career and he's already lived more than a half of a century. I personally think most who want to know more about Grant probably should pick up another biography that spans his whole life. I intend to do that next. This book didn't really highlight Cary Grant himself just 6 years of his life. How can you judge anyone on that? If you're a huge Grant fan I'd say read Cannon's verison, why not, but be prepared to be a bit unsatisfied and want to know more. Also, despite the sometimes negative picture of Grant painted in this book, in the end I doubt you'll really love him any less than you did in the first place -- you'll just find out he's human, like the rest of us.
January 22, 2025
I enjoyed this.
Took me a bit to get into though.
About my favorite old/timey actor, Cary Grant, from his 4th wife’s (Dyan Cannon) point of view.
Looking forward to watching the mini series, Archie, based on this book soon. The actor they got to play Cary really looks/talks/acts like him! Good job Jason Isaacs!
Took me a bit to get into though.
About my favorite old/timey actor, Cary Grant, from his 4th wife’s (Dyan Cannon) point of view.
Looking forward to watching the mini series, Archie, based on this book soon. The actor they got to play Cary really looks/talks/acts like him! Good job Jason Isaacs!
December 11, 2011
As a fan of Cary Grant's, I really wanted to read this book. I started reading it yesterday and couldn't put it down until I finished it.
I certainly learned a lot about a man I knew nothing about beyond his films. He, like many people, was flawed. He had issues. While I certainly can't speak for him, I would venture to say that many of his issues were a direct result of the trauma he experienced as a child. Imagine being 10 years old and told that your mom was dead. Then imagine 20 years later being told that it was all a lie, and that she was really alive. I think I would also have issues. But that certainly doesn't excuse the way he treated people. However, it does give you some food for thought.
I admire Dyan Cannon for writing this book. I imagine that it was very difficult to write it. She told a story about a man she loved and about a man that people probably saw as GOD. She told that story with grace, dignity, respect, and above all else, the truth. It would have been easy to write a touchy-feely story about him. Instead, she told the truth. Good, bad, flaws and all, she put it all out there.
As fans, we see celebrities as GODS who do no wrong. We always want to believe the best about them. But the reality is that they are just like us. They are people too. They hurt just like us. They deal with trauma just like us. They have issues just like us.
This was a great book. I still love his films. But I have a new perspective on who he was. It doesn't make him evil. It makes him human.
I certainly learned a lot about a man I knew nothing about beyond his films. He, like many people, was flawed. He had issues. While I certainly can't speak for him, I would venture to say that many of his issues were a direct result of the trauma he experienced as a child. Imagine being 10 years old and told that your mom was dead. Then imagine 20 years later being told that it was all a lie, and that she was really alive. I think I would also have issues. But that certainly doesn't excuse the way he treated people. However, it does give you some food for thought.
I admire Dyan Cannon for writing this book. I imagine that it was very difficult to write it. She told a story about a man she loved and about a man that people probably saw as GOD. She told that story with grace, dignity, respect, and above all else, the truth. It would have been easy to write a touchy-feely story about him. Instead, she told the truth. Good, bad, flaws and all, she put it all out there.
As fans, we see celebrities as GODS who do no wrong. We always want to believe the best about them. But the reality is that they are just like us. They are people too. They hurt just like us. They deal with trauma just like us. They have issues just like us.
This was a great book. I still love his films. But I have a new perspective on who he was. It doesn't make him evil. It makes him human.
March 26, 2016
This is how you write a celebrity memoir - don't start with where you were born, raised, etc., start with the most important moment - for Dyan Cannon that was when her agent phoned her in Rome and said get back to Los Angeles, Cary Grant wants to meet you. Fans of Cary Grant will want to read this - he was just as charming, polite, cultured in real life as he was on screen. At least he was as a boyfriend. As a husband he became a controlling, overwhelming figure who insisted that Cannon take LSD repeatedly until she had a "breakthrough". Grant himself took LSD quite often, at first under a supervised doctor, then later on his own.
Cannon's life with Cary Grant ends about the way you would expect, not well, but beyond that the book has nice descriptions of Hollywood life in the 1960s. They have social get togethers with Alfred Hitchcock, Frank Sinatra, etc. There is a lot of humor as well; one funny story involves Cannon "cooking" dinner for Grant.
Cannon's life with Cary Grant ends about the way you would expect, not well, but beyond that the book has nice descriptions of Hollywood life in the 1960s. They have social get togethers with Alfred Hitchcock, Frank Sinatra, etc. There is a lot of humor as well; one funny story involves Cannon "cooking" dinner for Grant.
September 4, 2014
When she married Cary Grant, Dyan Cannon broke my heart. Never mind that my crush on her was obviously unrequited. One unanswerable question bedeviled my mind for days. Why? Yes, he was Cary Grant. And, no, no one else presented so much smooth charm. But still, the age difference... And he had to have faults, evil traits even, hidden behind that damned charm... If that’s really what she wanted to do... Eventually, of course, it all wore away. Imagine then, stumbling over her memoir of the whole thing. Aha, the chance to find out what was wrong with him. Former wives invariably make that pretty clear. And she does. “Control freak” is the current phrase for it. But she tells the story so personally, and surprisingly well, that she leaves you acutely feeling the tragedy of it.
January 11, 2014
I am rather ashamed to admit that I never had much regard for Dyan Cannon. She always seemed rather spaced-out, so I approached this book with a bit of trepidation. Having recently finished a book about Alfred Hitchcock and wanting to learn more about one of his most famous stars, Cary Grant, I decided to try this one. It is definitely worth the read.
As a memoir written by his former wife, I have to give the writer a great deal of credit. It is not only engaging and easy to read, but she seems quite honest. Considering the time that has passed, she could have performed a hatchet job on Mr. Grant if that had been her desire. However, she approaches their life together with kid gloves, providing an element of respect even while providing some truly harrowing details.
The writer mentions that Cary Grant was one of Alfred Hitchcock's favorite actors. The great director certainly knew talent and box office draw, although he had some concern with the actor's "on again/off again" approach to film projects, and his mood swings. In the end, he knew the actor would deliver the goods, and he did.
It was this Cary Grant that I expected to find in the book, and he is definitely there. The instances described feel very, very real and I don't doubt the writer's honesty. She is also no harsher on him than she is on herself.
The bottom line is that an emotionally immature girl gets together with an emotionally damaged guy and try to make a relationship work. As incident after incident unfolds, the reader can see exactly where this is all headed, even while hoping that a fairy tale ending could be in the offing. Dyan Cannon seems so genuinely nice...and what guy wouldn't want to be Cary Grant?
In the final analysis, there isn't much more here than taking a peek into the lives of others. There aren't great lessons to be learned, nor are there revelations that will likely influence how we'll live our lives. However, there is an intrigue in being able to spend some time with living legends...and learning that they may not be any better off than the rest of us.
As a memoir written by his former wife, I have to give the writer a great deal of credit. It is not only engaging and easy to read, but she seems quite honest. Considering the time that has passed, she could have performed a hatchet job on Mr. Grant if that had been her desire. However, she approaches their life together with kid gloves, providing an element of respect even while providing some truly harrowing details.
The writer mentions that Cary Grant was one of Alfred Hitchcock's favorite actors. The great director certainly knew talent and box office draw, although he had some concern with the actor's "on again/off again" approach to film projects, and his mood swings. In the end, he knew the actor would deliver the goods, and he did.
It was this Cary Grant that I expected to find in the book, and he is definitely there. The instances described feel very, very real and I don't doubt the writer's honesty. She is also no harsher on him than she is on herself.
The bottom line is that an emotionally immature girl gets together with an emotionally damaged guy and try to make a relationship work. As incident after incident unfolds, the reader can see exactly where this is all headed, even while hoping that a fairy tale ending could be in the offing. Dyan Cannon seems so genuinely nice...and what guy wouldn't want to be Cary Grant?
In the final analysis, there isn't much more here than taking a peek into the lives of others. There aren't great lessons to be learned, nor are there revelations that will likely influence how we'll live our lives. However, there is an intrigue in being able to spend some time with living legends...and learning that they may not be any better off than the rest of us.
March 7, 2013
Actress Dyan Cannon shared the journey of her love affair with film legend, Cary Grant in this well written book. I don't think I've ever seen Dyan in any movies, however like most people about 40 years older than me, I've seen just about Cary Grant flick. I wanted to learn more about the boyfriend and husband side of Grant; albeit out of pure envy and dire curiosity of a man I've always had a crush on (yes I know, he died when I was about 7...).
I was happy to read this book about their relationship and not necessarily about Cannon's childhood, school age years. Frankly, I did not really have any interest in learning about her favorite school subjects, girlhood friends, etc. I wanted to read and understand what the title implied and thank goodness, the book met my expectations.
She begins the book with a cold call from Cary Grant while she was on holiday in Europe. From there, she recounts her meetings with Grant, then dating, then marriage.
For me, I was elated to read Cannon's references to Grant's professional work at the time during their courtship. She was with him while he was making "A Touch of Mink," "Charade," "Father Goose," "Operation Petticoat," as well as several others. I could not imagine going to a film set to meet and hang out with Cary Grant, Doris Day, Audrey Hepburn, etc. I really think I should have been born in the 1920s-1930s. These are such fun and quality films for me.
I felt like a fly on the wall during their marriage, which was not perfect, but was an honest portrayal of two imperfect people trying very hard to love.
If you like old Hollywood, you will enjoy the book, especially a little vignette about a dinner at the Hitchcocks. Really gross and weird.
All in all, this book delivered what I look for in a biography- honesty, love, and a few dirty old Hollywood secrets.
I was happy to read this book about their relationship and not necessarily about Cannon's childhood, school age years. Frankly, I did not really have any interest in learning about her favorite school subjects, girlhood friends, etc. I wanted to read and understand what the title implied and thank goodness, the book met my expectations.
She begins the book with a cold call from Cary Grant while she was on holiday in Europe. From there, she recounts her meetings with Grant, then dating, then marriage.
For me, I was elated to read Cannon's references to Grant's professional work at the time during their courtship. She was with him while he was making "A Touch of Mink," "Charade," "Father Goose," "Operation Petticoat," as well as several others. I could not imagine going to a film set to meet and hang out with Cary Grant, Doris Day, Audrey Hepburn, etc. I really think I should have been born in the 1920s-1930s. These are such fun and quality films for me.
I felt like a fly on the wall during their marriage, which was not perfect, but was an honest portrayal of two imperfect people trying very hard to love.
If you like old Hollywood, you will enjoy the book, especially a little vignette about a dinner at the Hitchcocks. Really gross and weird.
All in all, this book delivered what I look for in a biography- honesty, love, and a few dirty old Hollywood secrets.
October 2, 2011
Well I'm giving this three stars for the simple fact that it was interesting but also only 3 stars because Cannon wrote this when it seems no one is around to dispute it OR validate it. She claims for years and years many have offered her MILLIONS AND MILLIONS and MILLIONS of dollars to write her story of her life with Cary Grant and she wouldn't she said oh no that's my life my personal life I'll never do it... Well apparently it became ok to tell her private story. I can't make a call on what is real what's just Cannons real as I don't know much about the personal life of Dyan Cannon or Cary Grant so I can't comment either way. After reading this I did some fact checking now
I Do know the battle for custody went on for an ugly ten years... I do know thy Cary did partake in the LSD experience as one of his former wives it is said introduced him to it. This book definitely slants to make Cannon look good..look better of the two. But in life it takes two to tango.
I Do know the battle for custody went on for an ugly ten years... I do know thy Cary did partake in the LSD experience as one of his former wives it is said introduced him to it. This book definitely slants to make Cannon look good..look better of the two. But in life it takes two to tango.
August 12, 2016
I'm not sure what about the Kindle description of Dear Cary made this look like it might be a fun read. It was not. In fairness, I went in with my eyes wide open. Celebrity bios are usually either delightful, or a complete bag of hammers. I knew this might be a trash piece on Cary Grant and everything that makes him one of America's most well-loved glamour boys.
...Read more of this review at fefferbooks.com.
...Read more of this review at fefferbooks.com.
January 23, 2014
I could not put this book down. This is an incredible story about love, life, passion and loss.
It's about watching two people fall madly in love (in spite of their age differences) and sadly watching them fall out of love as their inner demons and insecurities fester and tear them apart.
It's about life's journey, the lessons we learn, and how faith can restore us when all else fails.
It's about watching two people fall madly in love (in spite of their age differences) and sadly watching them fall out of love as their inner demons and insecurities fester and tear them apart.
It's about life's journey, the lessons we learn, and how faith can restore us when all else fails.
July 30, 2022
My favorite book about my favorite actor, Cary Grant, is Evenings with Cary Grant: Recollections in His Own Words and by Those Who Knew Him Best. It's a completely loving and almost entirely positive remembrance of Grant, largely in the words of his friends and colleagues. I read it for the first time when I was in college (a typical twenty-something I wasn't) and cried buckets at the end, when Grant died in his 80s. I loved it so much that I wrote the author, Nancy Nelson, a letter. She replied, letting me know how much she appreciated my words and that she'd faxed a copy of my letter (remember faxing?) to his widow, Barbara.
I skipped reading other biographies, many of which were full of gossip and Hollywood dirt. I only wanted to know the good things about Cary Grant, and the truth is there were many to know about. His charisma, charm, elegance, sense of humor, and of course his amazing talent among them. I was hesitant to read anything that would mess that up for me.
In Dear Cary, Grant's fourth wife, Dyan Cannon, captures all those wonderful things about him and lets us in on her years of intense and romantic courtship by a movie legend 33 years her senior. She also lets us in on the darker side of Grant, warning signs of which crop up throughout their years of dating and which come out in full force once they become husband and wife. Their love story starts out feeling like one of Grant's light and witty romantic comedies and deteriorates into a psychodrama, with an older man's emotional abuse, controlling behavior, and frequent cold withdrawals from his young wife leading her to do anything and everything she can to please him. Which of course doesn't work and only leads to her losing her own sense of self and finding herself in the midst of a mental breakdown when their marriage falls apart. It's an emotional and surprisingly well-written rollercoaster ride.
In spite of her honesty about the horrible nature of most of her marriage - being controlled in how she dressed, behaved and talked; not being allowed to continue on with her acting career; being belittled and talked down to; being pressured into multiple uses of LSD, which Grant believed (like many others in the 1960s) was a path to self-enlightenment - Cannon is amazingly evenhanded and clearly still feels a great deal of affection and love for her former husband. She has found a way to forgive the bad times, understand Grant's troubled nature stemming from a truly horrible childhood trauma, and remember the good times with humor, sweetness, and nostalgia. It's frankly more than I think I could do. There were several times while reading this book when I wished for a time machine so I could zip back to the 1960s, slap Cary across the face (at the very least), and rescue Dyan from all of it. But of course even her own friends and family couldn't rescue her at the time it was happening. It was something she had to do for herself.
So...how do I feel about my favorite actor at the end of this book? For one, he's still my favorite actor. His movies have brought me so much joy over the years and I know they'll continue to. He's still someone I have fond thoughts about too, since the friends who contributed to the book I loved so much in college obviously found a lot to admire and appreciate about him. He was a kind friend and a loving father. He was just a nightmare of a husband (no, I mean really really bad), with emotional baggage and mental health issues of his own that made him a miserable person to be married to. Especially for a young woman whose own sense of self was still forming and who struggled to stand up for herself.
As for Dyan Cannon, I went into this knowing nothing about her other than that she'd been one of Grant's wives and the mother of his only child. I go away feeling affection for a smart, loving, funny, talented woman who could have written with a lot of bitterness and instead wrote with kindness and understanding. I'm glad I finally read this and recommend listening to the audiobook read by Cannon herself. Hearing it in her voice added so much to the story.
Four stars
I skipped reading other biographies, many of which were full of gossip and Hollywood dirt. I only wanted to know the good things about Cary Grant, and the truth is there were many to know about. His charisma, charm, elegance, sense of humor, and of course his amazing talent among them. I was hesitant to read anything that would mess that up for me.
In Dear Cary, Grant's fourth wife, Dyan Cannon, captures all those wonderful things about him and lets us in on her years of intense and romantic courtship by a movie legend 33 years her senior. She also lets us in on the darker side of Grant, warning signs of which crop up throughout their years of dating and which come out in full force once they become husband and wife. Their love story starts out feeling like one of Grant's light and witty romantic comedies and deteriorates into a psychodrama, with an older man's emotional abuse, controlling behavior, and frequent cold withdrawals from his young wife leading her to do anything and everything she can to please him. Which of course doesn't work and only leads to her losing her own sense of self and finding herself in the midst of a mental breakdown when their marriage falls apart. It's an emotional and surprisingly well-written rollercoaster ride.
In spite of her honesty about the horrible nature of most of her marriage - being controlled in how she dressed, behaved and talked; not being allowed to continue on with her acting career; being belittled and talked down to; being pressured into multiple uses of LSD, which Grant believed (like many others in the 1960s) was a path to self-enlightenment - Cannon is amazingly evenhanded and clearly still feels a great deal of affection and love for her former husband. She has found a way to forgive the bad times, understand Grant's troubled nature stemming from a truly horrible childhood trauma, and remember the good times with humor, sweetness, and nostalgia. It's frankly more than I think I could do. There were several times while reading this book when I wished for a time machine so I could zip back to the 1960s, slap Cary across the face (at the very least), and rescue Dyan from all of it. But of course even her own friends and family couldn't rescue her at the time it was happening. It was something she had to do for herself.
So...how do I feel about my favorite actor at the end of this book? For one, he's still my favorite actor. His movies have brought me so much joy over the years and I know they'll continue to. He's still someone I have fond thoughts about too, since the friends who contributed to the book I loved so much in college obviously found a lot to admire and appreciate about him. He was a kind friend and a loving father. He was just a nightmare of a husband (no, I mean really really bad), with emotional baggage and mental health issues of his own that made him a miserable person to be married to. Especially for a young woman whose own sense of self was still forming and who struggled to stand up for herself.
As for Dyan Cannon, I went into this knowing nothing about her other than that she'd been one of Grant's wives and the mother of his only child. I go away feeling affection for a smart, loving, funny, talented woman who could have written with a lot of bitterness and instead wrote with kindness and understanding. I'm glad I finally read this and recommend listening to the audiobook read by Cannon herself. Hearing it in her voice added so much to the story.
Four stars
February 11, 2012
Dear Cary by Dyan Cannon
Cary Grant saw Dyan Cannon on TV, liked what he saw and arranged to meet her. She thought the meeting was about a possible role in one of his projects but it was purely personal for Cary. Thus, the beginning of a romance and marriage destined to be anything but a fairytale.
Dyan and Cary had a whirlwind and world-wide romance. He did not want to get married and cautioned her about her desire to be married to him. He was older than her father and had been married and divorced three times; and he admitted the failure of the marriages was his fault. But the thought of having a family won him over; they married and had a daughter, Jennifer.
Not long after Jennifer’s birth Cary’s need to control every aspect of their lives became compulsive and overbearing. The fairytale life Dyan thought she would have with Cary Grant was not happily ever after. Dyan filed for the divorce Cary wanted and plotted and shortly after she had a breakdown.
The journey back to reality and life without Cary was not an easy one. It is evident from the book that she never stopped loving Cary–but Cary never really loved her.
There were, for me, surprises in the book. The biggest being Cary’s use of LSD in his search for the ultimate peace and that he did not believe it was a dangerous drug but a chemical used to enhance understanding. Also, not as surprising but maybe disappointing, is that Cary Grant was not at all what he seemed. Yes, he was a handsome, witty, charming Hollywood star but he was also manipulative, controlling, cruel, and shallow in his relationships.
Dyan was/is a beautiful, funny, intelligent, talented woman. I was surprised by her lack of confidence and willingness to give up thinking for herself, wanting the fairytale so badly that she would/could not see life’s realities, all for the love of Cary.
Dyan Cannon has written an interesting memoir and it is not a shocking exposé with all the details spelled out. But it is a sad story. The last chapter is a letter Dyan has written to Cary forgiving him all the bad and thanking him for all the good they had together– and obviously still loving him.
Cary Grant saw Dyan Cannon on TV, liked what he saw and arranged to meet her. She thought the meeting was about a possible role in one of his projects but it was purely personal for Cary. Thus, the beginning of a romance and marriage destined to be anything but a fairytale.
Dyan and Cary had a whirlwind and world-wide romance. He did not want to get married and cautioned her about her desire to be married to him. He was older than her father and had been married and divorced three times; and he admitted the failure of the marriages was his fault. But the thought of having a family won him over; they married and had a daughter, Jennifer.
Not long after Jennifer’s birth Cary’s need to control every aspect of their lives became compulsive and overbearing. The fairytale life Dyan thought she would have with Cary Grant was not happily ever after. Dyan filed for the divorce Cary wanted and plotted and shortly after she had a breakdown.
The journey back to reality and life without Cary was not an easy one. It is evident from the book that she never stopped loving Cary–but Cary never really loved her.
There were, for me, surprises in the book. The biggest being Cary’s use of LSD in his search for the ultimate peace and that he did not believe it was a dangerous drug but a chemical used to enhance understanding. Also, not as surprising but maybe disappointing, is that Cary Grant was not at all what he seemed. Yes, he was a handsome, witty, charming Hollywood star but he was also manipulative, controlling, cruel, and shallow in his relationships.
Dyan was/is a beautiful, funny, intelligent, talented woman. I was surprised by her lack of confidence and willingness to give up thinking for herself, wanting the fairytale so badly that she would/could not see life’s realities, all for the love of Cary.
Dyan Cannon has written an interesting memoir and it is not a shocking exposé with all the details spelled out. But it is a sad story. The last chapter is a letter Dyan has written to Cary forgiving him all the bad and thanking him for all the good they had together– and obviously still loving him.
March 11, 2025
Another Hollywood story about a no good husband who abuses drugs and then proceeds to chase a younger woman until he has to marry her and then abuses her to the point of a mental breakdown. But, he was a good daddy to their daughter so that makes everything okay. Not a fan. To her credit, she is writing from the heart and I enjoyed reading about her and her early years.
June 7, 2015
F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote: “Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me." After reading Dyan Cannon's moving and beautifully written memoir, I'm thinking, "Not so much."
First, the writing. It's wonderful. I zipped through this book, having borrowed it from the library more because of Cary Grant than Ms. Cannon. I knew a lot about him, less about her. It reads like the very best of fiction: a great cast of characters, gripping "plot," touches of humor, a sense of honesty by the author. By the time I'd reached page 344--yes, I read all the way past the Acknowledgements--I was sobbing.
Why? Because her story really struck a chord with me. How often have we women fallen for a good-looking man who has worn down our original reticence by wooing us unrelentingly until we feel as if we're in the middle of the greatest love story ever told? How many times have we ignored that sixth sense that tells us something is "off" and maybe this man is not all that he seems to be? Or believed we can become whatever he wants us to be because--and here's the rub--suddenly we're not quite as "perfect" for him as we were first led to think, and we so desperately want to be his everything?
The man in question in Ms. Cannon's life was the inimitable Cary Grant. While it's hard not to feel sympathy for him with respect to his incredibly hard upbringing (what a movie that story would make!), by the time he married her in 1965 (she was just 28) he was 61. Old enough to have come to terms with his life by then, surely?
Oh, how I squirmed at all the clues that, when we're in the middle of a relationship like this we think aren't that important or we can overcome (in her case the voice in her head said at one point: "Just open the door and run for your life" -- but she didn't). As an older woman myself having gone through a number of dysfunctional relationships in my younger days, it was touch reading how her "boyfriend" referred to her constantly as a "silly child" or would make some other "child" reference when taking to her; his condemnation when she had her hair highlighted; a "proposal" that consisted of him barking at her: "Damn it, Dyan, do you want to get married?" And then what to make of having to blowtorch the wedding ring off her swollen finger? Or him just giving away her beloved dog, Bangs? Then putting her father in his place by pointing out that Dyan was now under Grant's "jurisdiction"! And don't get me started on his pressuring her to take LSD so she could "find herself," although you get the impression she was never really lost, just way too young for him. (About which, his formerly institutionalized mother, Elsie--who kept mixing Dyan up with Grant's previous wife, Betsy--was spot on: "You're too young for Cary." To look at the picture of the two of them on the front cover, she looks more like his daughter than his wife.)
I also loved (and could identify with) her description of her marriage as being stuck on an airport runway in crowded coach for three hours with no air-conditioning!
As many of us have heard from own friends over the years, "That doesn't sound like love." It certainly wasn't unconditional love, in any case. It's hard not to end this book without feeling considerably more sympathy for her than for him, even though at no point does her prose lapse into a morose pity party.
For all those fans of Cary Grant who have criticized the book for being more about Dyan Cannon than him, I disagree. I think the balance she struck was perfect. After all, we don't buy books like this for the "what" (because why not just read the newspaper clippings of their doomed, short-lived marriage"?) we read them for the "why." I got a much richer sense of Dyan Cannon--and her ex-husband--after reading Dear Cary.
So, yes, the rich and famous are just like you and I in the sense that we too often sleep walk into relationships that are "bad" for us, only recognizing in retrospect that something wonderful was achieved as a consequence. In Ms. Cannon's case it was their beautiful daughter, Jennifer Grant, as well as what she alludes to in the very last sentence of her Acknowledgments: "Thank you to all the guys I've ever dated who've helped me sort out what I wanted from what I didn't want."
Amen to that!
First, the writing. It's wonderful. I zipped through this book, having borrowed it from the library more because of Cary Grant than Ms. Cannon. I knew a lot about him, less about her. It reads like the very best of fiction: a great cast of characters, gripping "plot," touches of humor, a sense of honesty by the author. By the time I'd reached page 344--yes, I read all the way past the Acknowledgements--I was sobbing.
Why? Because her story really struck a chord with me. How often have we women fallen for a good-looking man who has worn down our original reticence by wooing us unrelentingly until we feel as if we're in the middle of the greatest love story ever told? How many times have we ignored that sixth sense that tells us something is "off" and maybe this man is not all that he seems to be? Or believed we can become whatever he wants us to be because--and here's the rub--suddenly we're not quite as "perfect" for him as we were first led to think, and we so desperately want to be his everything?
The man in question in Ms. Cannon's life was the inimitable Cary Grant. While it's hard not to feel sympathy for him with respect to his incredibly hard upbringing (what a movie that story would make!), by the time he married her in 1965 (she was just 28) he was 61. Old enough to have come to terms with his life by then, surely?
Oh, how I squirmed at all the clues that, when we're in the middle of a relationship like this we think aren't that important or we can overcome (in her case the voice in her head said at one point: "Just open the door and run for your life" -- but she didn't). As an older woman myself having gone through a number of dysfunctional relationships in my younger days, it was touch reading how her "boyfriend" referred to her constantly as a "silly child" or would make some other "child" reference when taking to her; his condemnation when she had her hair highlighted; a "proposal" that consisted of him barking at her: "Damn it, Dyan, do you want to get married?" And then what to make of having to blowtorch the wedding ring off her swollen finger? Or him just giving away her beloved dog, Bangs? Then putting her father in his place by pointing out that Dyan was now under Grant's "jurisdiction"! And don't get me started on his pressuring her to take LSD so she could "find herself," although you get the impression she was never really lost, just way too young for him. (About which, his formerly institutionalized mother, Elsie--who kept mixing Dyan up with Grant's previous wife, Betsy--was spot on: "You're too young for Cary." To look at the picture of the two of them on the front cover, she looks more like his daughter than his wife.)
I also loved (and could identify with) her description of her marriage as being stuck on an airport runway in crowded coach for three hours with no air-conditioning!
As many of us have heard from own friends over the years, "That doesn't sound like love." It certainly wasn't unconditional love, in any case. It's hard not to end this book without feeling considerably more sympathy for her than for him, even though at no point does her prose lapse into a morose pity party.
For all those fans of Cary Grant who have criticized the book for being more about Dyan Cannon than him, I disagree. I think the balance she struck was perfect. After all, we don't buy books like this for the "what" (because why not just read the newspaper clippings of their doomed, short-lived marriage"?) we read them for the "why." I got a much richer sense of Dyan Cannon--and her ex-husband--after reading Dear Cary.
So, yes, the rich and famous are just like you and I in the sense that we too often sleep walk into relationships that are "bad" for us, only recognizing in retrospect that something wonderful was achieved as a consequence. In Ms. Cannon's case it was their beautiful daughter, Jennifer Grant, as well as what she alludes to in the very last sentence of her Acknowledgments: "Thank you to all the guys I've ever dated who've helped me sort out what I wanted from what I didn't want."
Amen to that!
August 15, 2014
I've recently become an ardent fan of Cary Grant. Of course, it began with his beautiful face but my appreciation for his skill has gone beyond the screen and to the difficulties he overcame throughout his life as well. Perhaps it is all too common to romanticize celebrities, particularly someone as charming and debonair as Cary Grant. Yet, there is no refuting the fact that biographies often paint a deeply tortured image of the man. While his leading actresses will admit that his charisma and grace existed both on and off the screen, critics will write that the unexpected abandonment by his mother at a young age forever scarred the ambitious actor, propelling him to marry five times and select crowd-pleasing films (a decision which likely kept him from winning an Oscar).
In a refreshing turn of events, Dear Cary offers a different side to the coin that is Cary Grant. Admittedly, many fans will dislike this nonfiction work as it presents darker aspects to the comedic actor but Cannon writes this biography with distinct flair. Not only does she admit to the romantic courtship that swept her off her feet, but she further admits that the difficulties in her marriage where caused by both herself and Cary. Cannon could not separate the image of Cary Grant the Actor from Cary Grant the Flesh-and-Blood Human. In one scene she confesses to her parents that she would die without Cary in her life; he had become her God. No man, not even the charming and sensational Cary Grant, is flawless and, above all, I read this as a piece of truth, but also as a piece of forgiveness.
Moreover, I gravitate towards the effortlessly realistic tales. While I may, certainly, like to maintain the perfect image of Cary Grant I possess in my mind, I rather like these gems of truth seeping in to paint him in a more human light. Dear Cary isn't out to turn fans against Cary Grant; it's simply there to bring him down from his pedestal and, shockingly, even dearer to our hearts than before. I've seen a couple of documentaries on Grant's life as well and it's reassuring to know that just as Cannon, years after her messy divorce with Grant, found peace and serenity in her life and love, Grant too found that in both his daughter Jennifer and his fifth and final wife. For fans of Grant who yearn to peel back the layers of charm and sophistication to the flawed individual beneath, Dear Cary is ideal. For others, who wish to believe that Grant is just as perfect in real life as he is on the screen, skip this. I don't blame you at all.
In a refreshing turn of events, Dear Cary offers a different side to the coin that is Cary Grant. Admittedly, many fans will dislike this nonfiction work as it presents darker aspects to the comedic actor but Cannon writes this biography with distinct flair. Not only does she admit to the romantic courtship that swept her off her feet, but she further admits that the difficulties in her marriage where caused by both herself and Cary. Cannon could not separate the image of Cary Grant the Actor from Cary Grant the Flesh-and-Blood Human. In one scene she confesses to her parents that she would die without Cary in her life; he had become her God. No man, not even the charming and sensational Cary Grant, is flawless and, above all, I read this as a piece of truth, but also as a piece of forgiveness.
Moreover, I gravitate towards the effortlessly realistic tales. While I may, certainly, like to maintain the perfect image of Cary Grant I possess in my mind, I rather like these gems of truth seeping in to paint him in a more human light. Dear Cary isn't out to turn fans against Cary Grant; it's simply there to bring him down from his pedestal and, shockingly, even dearer to our hearts than before. I've seen a couple of documentaries on Grant's life as well and it's reassuring to know that just as Cannon, years after her messy divorce with Grant, found peace and serenity in her life and love, Grant too found that in both his daughter Jennifer and his fifth and final wife. For fans of Grant who yearn to peel back the layers of charm and sophistication to the flawed individual beneath, Dear Cary is ideal. For others, who wish to believe that Grant is just as perfect in real life as he is on the screen, skip this. I don't blame you at all.
August 24, 2014
"Dear Cary: My Life with Cary Grant" (2011) Dyan Cannon reveals the stunning life altering details of her relationship/marriage and subsequent divorce; to Cary Grant (1904-1986) known as an incredibly handsome "debonair screen icon".
Although Grant was 33 years older then Cannon, her youth, beauty, personality, and worldly inexperience likely appealed to him. They were an absolutely stunning couple. They married (at Grants insistence) in a quickie Las Vegas wedding ceremony in 1965. The birth of their beautiful baby daughter Jennifer Diane followed on February 26, 1966. Grant retired from acting shortly after, and they resided at his California mansion.
The "fairytale" marriage was not as happy as it appeared to be publically. Behind closed doors Grant was moody, his remoteness led to unbearably long silences. Cannon could not please him no matter how hard she tried, he either controlled or criticized nearly everything about her and/or their life together. He picked untold fights, deliberately creating drama engineered to create the necessary distance he (seemed) to need. Cannon sought therapy, also advice from Grants spiritual advisor who simply said: (after Cannon told her about their problems) "That doesn't sound like love." Grant would also pressure Cannon use/try LSD, (he was an established user) for "improvement" to be a better "enlightened" wife. Not surprisingly, this didn't bridge the distance between them. Cannon refused to take LSD during her pregnancy, though he urged her to do so. Grant picked a final fight, and was gone overnight. He soon sent his personal assistant/manager to ask her for a divorce.
Although Cannon loved Grant immensely, she knew it would be impossible to meet his unrealistic standards, and they would never find a shred of genuine happiness together. Following their divorce in 1968, Cannon had a complete total mental breakdown and was hospitalized. Her account of that time was tremendously sad.
Cannon's memoir of her marriage to Grant didn't portray a typical mutually satisfying relationship. Grant seemingly had his own agenda from the day he began courting Cannon; and it didn't involve being a truthful, loving, supportive boyfriend/husband. Cannon has publically denied Grant was gay. To her credit, she has come to terms with his marital neglect/abuse. Grant was after all, the love of her life, the man in and of her dreams, and she has made peace with his memory.
Although Grant was 33 years older then Cannon, her youth, beauty, personality, and worldly inexperience likely appealed to him. They were an absolutely stunning couple. They married (at Grants insistence) in a quickie Las Vegas wedding ceremony in 1965. The birth of their beautiful baby daughter Jennifer Diane followed on February 26, 1966. Grant retired from acting shortly after, and they resided at his California mansion.
The "fairytale" marriage was not as happy as it appeared to be publically. Behind closed doors Grant was moody, his remoteness led to unbearably long silences. Cannon could not please him no matter how hard she tried, he either controlled or criticized nearly everything about her and/or their life together. He picked untold fights, deliberately creating drama engineered to create the necessary distance he (seemed) to need. Cannon sought therapy, also advice from Grants spiritual advisor who simply said: (after Cannon told her about their problems) "That doesn't sound like love." Grant would also pressure Cannon use/try LSD, (he was an established user) for "improvement" to be a better "enlightened" wife. Not surprisingly, this didn't bridge the distance between them. Cannon refused to take LSD during her pregnancy, though he urged her to do so. Grant picked a final fight, and was gone overnight. He soon sent his personal assistant/manager to ask her for a divorce.
Although Cannon loved Grant immensely, she knew it would be impossible to meet his unrealistic standards, and they would never find a shred of genuine happiness together. Following their divorce in 1968, Cannon had a complete total mental breakdown and was hospitalized. Her account of that time was tremendously sad.
Cannon's memoir of her marriage to Grant didn't portray a typical mutually satisfying relationship. Grant seemingly had his own agenda from the day he began courting Cannon; and it didn't involve being a truthful, loving, supportive boyfriend/husband. Cannon has publically denied Grant was gay. To her credit, she has come to terms with his marital neglect/abuse. Grant was after all, the love of her life, the man in and of her dreams, and she has made peace with his memory.
February 17, 2013
I decided to read this book because I am a fan of Cary Grant and I was curious to find out what it is about Dyan Cannon that Mr. Grant fell in love with a woman 33 years younger than he was. I read some reviews where the readers are criticizing Dyan Cannon and I really don't see why. As I read the book I could see that Miss Cannon really loved Cary Grant and wanted their marriage to work. Dyan Cannon was an old fashioned girl and Cary Grant fell in love with her. Dyan was not easy to pin down and get into bed like so many other women are even in daily life with men who are not famous movies stars. I have to give Miss Cannon kudos for that. Once Dyan Cannon realized that she was truly in love with Cary Grant she made some choices that were not the best, like agreeing to lake LSD when in her gut she didn't really want to and knew it was dangerous. When women are madly in love we do stuff like that just to please the man we love. Miss Cannon did put up great resistance for a long time but then allowed Cary Grant to break her down. One should never allow another person to make us throw away our core values.
I was really shocked to learn through this book that Cary Grant took LSD and thought it was so wonderful. Mr. Grant believed that taking LSD brought you closer to God. It is important to remember that at the time Cary Grant was taking LSD it was legal. It is also important to remember that Cary Grant had a horrible childhood that affected his entire life. I don't believe that Dyan Cannon wrote about this aspect of Cary to criticize him. It was simply a factor that helped to destroy their relationship. Some readers say that Miss Cannon should not have written about it since Cary Grant is no longer here to defend himself, but Cary Grant never denied that he took LSD so it is not as if she was telling a big secret of his. Mr. Grant even admitted it in an interview that he did for LOOK magazine back in the 1960's when the drug was still legal.
I was enchanted with the way Cary Grant pursued Miss Cannon. He was very persistent and quite romantic.
I was really shocked to learn through this book that Cary Grant took LSD and thought it was so wonderful. Mr. Grant believed that taking LSD brought you closer to God. It is important to remember that at the time Cary Grant was taking LSD it was legal. It is also important to remember that Cary Grant had a horrible childhood that affected his entire life. I don't believe that Dyan Cannon wrote about this aspect of Cary to criticize him. It was simply a factor that helped to destroy their relationship. Some readers say that Miss Cannon should not have written about it since Cary Grant is no longer here to defend himself, but Cary Grant never denied that he took LSD so it is not as if she was telling a big secret of his. Mr. Grant even admitted it in an interview that he did for LOOK magazine back in the 1960's when the drug was still legal.
I was enchanted with the way Cary Grant pursued Miss Cannon. He was very persistent and quite romantic.
February 15, 2025
As a huge Cary Grant fan, I was nervous to read this. I didn’t want my love of his movies ruined. I knew going in that they had divorced after only a few years of marriage but that was it. Would this be a no holds barred Mommie Dearest sort of memoir? Thankfully, it is not. I think Dyan did a wonderful job of balancing their problems with the joy and happiness they also experienced during the relationship. It was sad that the marriage foundered and I was not at all surprised it did. It would have been shocking if they hadn’t struggled.
Take out the fact that it is Cary Grant being discussed and just look at it as a 58 year old man dating a 23 year old woman. Red flags galore! He is older than her father. He is close to retirement. Her career is just starting. They have different friend groups. Different hobbies. Different interests. Their age difference is the age difference between me and my son. It is LAUGHABLE, the thought of marrying someone my child’s age. The only reason this marriage ever happened was because he was Cary Grant and she was a nubile young beauty queen turned actress. Who they were, deep down, was masked by their attractive exteriors and what each represented to the other. She represented a fresh start to him and he represented safety to her.
I thought the structure of the book was brilliant. The reader is right there, experiencing what Dyan is experiencing. I appreciated she didn’t break the fourth wall and discuss what would happen in the future and how looking back she understands now what was going on. Instead. we are right in it, reacting to what is going on. I mean, it would be WILD, having your agent call you to say Cary Grant saw you in a bikini on a shlocky tv show and now wants to meet you, “for a possible movie role”. (Right, and I have a bridge to sell you if you believe that). Mad props to Dyan for refusing to fly home from Rome to take the meeting. I mean, jeez, she was in Fellini’s Rome having the time of her life. I wouldn’t have flown home either. That playing hard to get (which I do honestly think was not playing hard to get, she actually was so happy in Rome she didn’t want to leave) intrigued Cary and kept him thinking about her.
When she heads back to LA, she does finally meet him and they start…hanging out? Dating? Cary moved very very slowly, like he was cornering a wild animal. That was smart. Dyan was used to guys being handsy and hot to trot and Cary’s slow burn was perfect for her. So right off the bat, their behaviors were like catnip to each other. The book does an excellent job drawing out the start of their relationship and how totally trippy it was to suddenly be a part of his world. I mean, I cannot stress how strange it would be….CARY GRANT. CARY GRANT is eating ice cream with you. CARY GRANT is calling you on the phone and waking you up so you can listen to a radio show together. CARY GRANT is picking you up in his car. Talk about disorientating. Imagine yourself at 23, telling your girlfriends the new guy you are seeing is CARY GRANT. Mind blown.
Almost immediately the reader sees the problems beginning but Dyan does not say anything explicit about what’s happening. She just describes the behaviors and actions. Him getting upset when she highlights her hair and telling her to change it back to brown and she does. Him upset about her nail polish color(too garish!) Him buying her an entire new (designer) wardrobe with zero input about her preferences. And she doesn't say anything and just changes her style! She pretends she can ride a horse. She pretends she knows how to cook. She twists and turns to give him what she thinks he wants. And he merrily reenacts the Pygmalion story, “improving” her. You just know this will not end well. Sure, that montage scene from Pretty Woman when he takes her shopping is fun to watch, but on a deeper level it shows a serious problem.
There is a party they go to in Vegas, celebrating Rosalind Russell’s 25th wedding anniversary. I’ve read Rosalind’s memoir. She had a great marriage. She married a guy around her own age who was in the film industry, but worked behind the scenes. After the hundreds of showbiz memoirs I have read, I have come to the conclusion that is how to have a successful marriage if you are a star. You need to marry someone in the business but not a fellow star. And you need to marry someone within ten years of your age. At the party are two couples that do not follow Julie’s wisdom and both flame out spectacularly. Frank Sinatra and Mia Farrow and Cary/Dyan. Mia had more of a backbone than Dyan and when Frank told her to not act anymore, like Cary did to Dyan, Mia refused and went to NYC to film Rosemary’s Baby. Frank was so butthurt he cruelly served her divorce papers on the set. Totally ruined filming for the day, obviously. Those older middle-aged men verging on elderly men should not marry young women. I can’t believe I am writing this but Leonardo DiCaprio has the right idea. He picks a girl, barely legal, and dates her until she turns 27. Then he gets a new model. It’s not about the person, it’s about youth and innocence. Once the person matures, starts developing into a well rounded human being, he loses interest. At least he is honest. He will buy youth, he is like a vampire. Cary was attracted not to Dyan the human but to her inexperience and youth, which cannot last.
The beginning of the end is after the baby is born. Cary gives away Dyan's 10 year old Yorkshire Terrier Bangs while she is in the hospital giving birth! That was her baby! That would have been the deal breaker for me. Instead, Dyan crumples. Her milk dies up. She starts dissociating. It sounded like post partum depression to me. The baby ramps up Cary’s controlling nature/anxiety and he becomes even more judgy and unbearable to live with. Things spiral out, more flailing by Dyan, more rigidity by Cary until they divorce.
There is a bit at the end about Dyan going off the deepend after the divorce with pills and booze. I mean, it was LA in the early seventies. She goes to rehab and finds God. So it ends on a good note. They continue to co-parent their daughter Jennifer and Cary is a great dad. I mean, he had been basically practicing parenting Dyan during their marriage so by the time he was an actual parent he had a lot of experience.
This was a super quick read and written in a chatty informal style. I still adore his movies and I don’t hate him after reading this. I felt sorry for him. He had a miserable youth and then got trapped in iconic fame. It would be very difficult to be truly happy in a relationship with that level of fame and wealth. I am happy for him that he got to experience the joy of parenthood and having a relationship with another human that wasn’t negatively impacted by his fame and beauty but just saw him as Dad.
Take out the fact that it is Cary Grant being discussed and just look at it as a 58 year old man dating a 23 year old woman. Red flags galore! He is older than her father. He is close to retirement. Her career is just starting. They have different friend groups. Different hobbies. Different interests. Their age difference is the age difference between me and my son. It is LAUGHABLE, the thought of marrying someone my child’s age. The only reason this marriage ever happened was because he was Cary Grant and she was a nubile young beauty queen turned actress. Who they were, deep down, was masked by their attractive exteriors and what each represented to the other. She represented a fresh start to him and he represented safety to her.
I thought the structure of the book was brilliant. The reader is right there, experiencing what Dyan is experiencing. I appreciated she didn’t break the fourth wall and discuss what would happen in the future and how looking back she understands now what was going on. Instead. we are right in it, reacting to what is going on. I mean, it would be WILD, having your agent call you to say Cary Grant saw you in a bikini on a shlocky tv show and now wants to meet you, “for a possible movie role”. (Right, and I have a bridge to sell you if you believe that). Mad props to Dyan for refusing to fly home from Rome to take the meeting. I mean, jeez, she was in Fellini’s Rome having the time of her life. I wouldn’t have flown home either. That playing hard to get (which I do honestly think was not playing hard to get, she actually was so happy in Rome she didn’t want to leave) intrigued Cary and kept him thinking about her.
When she heads back to LA, she does finally meet him and they start…hanging out? Dating? Cary moved very very slowly, like he was cornering a wild animal. That was smart. Dyan was used to guys being handsy and hot to trot and Cary’s slow burn was perfect for her. So right off the bat, their behaviors were like catnip to each other. The book does an excellent job drawing out the start of their relationship and how totally trippy it was to suddenly be a part of his world. I mean, I cannot stress how strange it would be….CARY GRANT. CARY GRANT is eating ice cream with you. CARY GRANT is calling you on the phone and waking you up so you can listen to a radio show together. CARY GRANT is picking you up in his car. Talk about disorientating. Imagine yourself at 23, telling your girlfriends the new guy you are seeing is CARY GRANT. Mind blown.
Almost immediately the reader sees the problems beginning but Dyan does not say anything explicit about what’s happening. She just describes the behaviors and actions. Him getting upset when she highlights her hair and telling her to change it back to brown and she does. Him upset about her nail polish color(too garish!) Him buying her an entire new (designer) wardrobe with zero input about her preferences. And she doesn't say anything and just changes her style! She pretends she can ride a horse. She pretends she knows how to cook. She twists and turns to give him what she thinks he wants. And he merrily reenacts the Pygmalion story, “improving” her. You just know this will not end well. Sure, that montage scene from Pretty Woman when he takes her shopping is fun to watch, but on a deeper level it shows a serious problem.
There is a party they go to in Vegas, celebrating Rosalind Russell’s 25th wedding anniversary. I’ve read Rosalind’s memoir. She had a great marriage. She married a guy around her own age who was in the film industry, but worked behind the scenes. After the hundreds of showbiz memoirs I have read, I have come to the conclusion that is how to have a successful marriage if you are a star. You need to marry someone in the business but not a fellow star. And you need to marry someone within ten years of your age. At the party are two couples that do not follow Julie’s wisdom and both flame out spectacularly. Frank Sinatra and Mia Farrow and Cary/Dyan. Mia had more of a backbone than Dyan and when Frank told her to not act anymore, like Cary did to Dyan, Mia refused and went to NYC to film Rosemary’s Baby. Frank was so butthurt he cruelly served her divorce papers on the set. Totally ruined filming for the day, obviously. Those older middle-aged men verging on elderly men should not marry young women. I can’t believe I am writing this but Leonardo DiCaprio has the right idea. He picks a girl, barely legal, and dates her until she turns 27. Then he gets a new model. It’s not about the person, it’s about youth and innocence. Once the person matures, starts developing into a well rounded human being, he loses interest. At least he is honest. He will buy youth, he is like a vampire. Cary was attracted not to Dyan the human but to her inexperience and youth, which cannot last.
The beginning of the end is after the baby is born. Cary gives away Dyan's 10 year old Yorkshire Terrier Bangs while she is in the hospital giving birth! That was her baby! That would have been the deal breaker for me. Instead, Dyan crumples. Her milk dies up. She starts dissociating. It sounded like post partum depression to me. The baby ramps up Cary’s controlling nature/anxiety and he becomes even more judgy and unbearable to live with. Things spiral out, more flailing by Dyan, more rigidity by Cary until they divorce.
There is a bit at the end about Dyan going off the deepend after the divorce with pills and booze. I mean, it was LA in the early seventies. She goes to rehab and finds God. So it ends on a good note. They continue to co-parent their daughter Jennifer and Cary is a great dad. I mean, he had been basically practicing parenting Dyan during their marriage so by the time he was an actual parent he had a lot of experience.
This was a super quick read and written in a chatty informal style. I still adore his movies and I don’t hate him after reading this. I felt sorry for him. He had a miserable youth and then got trapped in iconic fame. It would be very difficult to be truly happy in a relationship with that level of fame and wealth. I am happy for him that he got to experience the joy of parenthood and having a relationship with another human that wasn’t negatively impacted by his fame and beauty but just saw him as Dad.
April 29, 2014
I did not intend to read this book as i figured it would be from the bitter point of view of an ex wife. After watching an interview with Dyan Cannon I changed my mind as she praised Cary Grant and explained the book has the exact same intent. I was very disappointed to read all of the negative claims she says regarding Cary Grant, especially given the unfair advantage that he is not present to counter them. Dyan herself skips past any wrong doing she may have done and refused to cast any real blame upon herself. The only thing I enjoyed about the book was Cary's courtship of Dyan and the history of his parents though saddening. All in all I did not find it a fair or complementary book towards Mr.Grant and wish that I had gone with my first instinct to not read the book.
June 13, 2021
I didn’t enjoy this at first and thought it was bogged down in too many details, but then the writing picked up and I was completely engaged. In her memoir, Cannon openly gives readers a view of a tumultuous relationship with an extremely controlling partner.
February 11, 2012
I fell in love with Cary Grant as a young child and I still remain in love with him these many years later. The beginning of the book almost seems to be written by Dyan as she would have as a very young women, and as the story goes along, the writing appears to mature as Dyan matured.
Dyan Cannon did a wonderful job in telling their story without blaming Cary Grant for the failure of their marriage. It was doomed from the start. Cary made it perfectly clear he did not want a fourth marriage and "proposed" only because she forced his hand and he didn't want to loose her. They really did love each other and I suspect that Dyan still loves him to this day. The age difference was also a great factor in the failure of their marriage-an older, more mature woman would not have pursued marriage with a man so determined not to marry again. Mr. Grant's childhood certainly was a factor also.
Dyan Cannon did a wonderful job in telling their story without blaming Cary Grant for the failure of their marriage. It was doomed from the start. Cary made it perfectly clear he did not want a fourth marriage and "proposed" only because she forced his hand and he didn't want to loose her. They really did love each other and I suspect that Dyan still loves him to this day. The age difference was also a great factor in the failure of their marriage-an older, more mature woman would not have pursued marriage with a man so determined not to marry again. Mr. Grant's childhood certainly was a factor also.
September 21, 2013
When I picture Dyan Cannon, it's as Whipper on Ally McBeal--confident, smart, beautiful but unaffected. Based on this memoir, that impression sounds pretty true to life, but it was a hard won achievement. Cannon frankly discusses her six year relationship with Grant--she doesn't really pull any punches, but she's not dishing dirt, either. The remaining affection and respect are obvious throughout. She's pretty open about how her own immaturity and insecurity contributed to the problems in their marriage as much as Grant's emotional walls and need to control things. But really, isn't that exactly what you'd expect to happen in a marriage with a 40 year age difference? What was truly shocking was the emotional breakdown she suffered after they separated. Still, it sounds like she emerged from it stronger and with a more defined sense of self, which can serve as an inspiration.
July 7, 2015
Added 7/7/15.
July 2015 - My Life with Cary Grant by Dyan Cannon. A very touching and readable memoir. It reads like a novel and is very compelling.
July 2015 - My Life with Cary Grant by Dyan Cannon. A very touching and readable memoir. It reads like a novel and is very compelling.
October 5, 2012
I grew up watching Cary Grant movies and have always been fascinated by him. I've read a few things here and there about him over the years, so I knew he wasn't perfect and had his problems. Although the beginning of the book was a bit slow, I enjoyed Cannon's account of her years with Grant. Yes, it does paint a not so nice picture of Grant (and herself) at times, but they are both real people and had real problems. Cannon doesn't put all the blame on Grant for their disastrous relationship. And I don't like Cary Grant and his movies any less after reading this book. This is a memoir after all and I really felt Cannon did her best to tell her story the way she remembers it.
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