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Death by Cake: Book 1 of Lost Secret Series
Warning! Reading story may make you actually crave sweets.
Hippie hero, death by sweets, never ending childhood for young and old, and an interesting hit on the newest resident? Welcome to Lost Secret girls and boys!
Shari Kari is in trouble. She just broke up with her boyfriend, but now he's got a hit on her. Her supportive sister tells her to get out of Calibri City and into a small safe town: Lost Secret. Famous for being the one-stop drop town for the rich and famous' children. No crime. Where even adults act like children. She finds a friend in Timothy Varmen, and a semi-happy life, until her special condition gets out of control.
Ezekiel is the town's hero. While acting like a big child himself, he's taken on the extra duty of trying to 'save' the new local resident, whether she likes it or not.
In this town, a man must learn to grow up, and a woman must learn to grow down. Scandals, inhibitions, temptations...
A story of childhood...that's not for children.
Book 1 of 3 --Amazon.com
Hippie hero, death by sweets, never ending childhood for young and old, and an interesting hit on the newest resident? Welcome to Lost Secret girls and boys!
Shari Kari is in trouble. She just broke up with her boyfriend, but now he's got a hit on her. Her supportive sister tells her to get out of Calibri City and into a small safe town: Lost Secret. Famous for being the one-stop drop town for the rich and famous' children. No crime. Where even adults act like children. She finds a friend in Timothy Varmen, and a semi-happy life, until her special condition gets out of control.
Ezekiel is the town's hero. While acting like a big child himself, he's taken on the extra duty of trying to 'save' the new local resident, whether she likes it or not.
In this town, a man must learn to grow up, and a woman must learn to grow down. Scandals, inhibitions, temptations...
A story of childhood...that's not for children.
Book 1 of 3 --Amazon.com
486 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 14, 2011
22 people are currently reading
252 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
May 29, 2017
I've put off this review forever. I really, really have not looked forward to this.
If you do not want spoilers, do not read this review. You have been warned.
I read this book back in December, but I still have nightmares about it. In all of the books I've read since then, I have yet to find a book that got under my skin as much as this one did. And I've read some pretty terrible books.
When I first picked up this book, the synopsis caught my eye. It sounded like it was funny, and action-packed. Do not believe the synopsis' lies. This book is not funny. This book is not romantic. It's supposed to be a satire, but of what, I have no idea.
This book was painful every single step of the way, and left me just feeling...uncomfortable.
For starters, the main character is a girl named Shari Kari, who had a twin sister named Kari Shari. Her two main "love interests" are Timothy Varmen ("Varmint") and Zeke ("the Hippie"), who constantly insult each other with their respective nicknames.
The premise of the book is that Shari Kari's surviving sister sends her to a safe house of sorts, where rich parents drop off their kids and usually leave them there indefinitely. This leads to all sorts ofhellacious awkwardness fun-filled scenarios, as the children (who are now full-grown adults) know absolutely nothing about how normal adults function, and just play with young children all day long. It's the third or fourth time Zeke hastily separates a couple of "adults" when the men-children are walking around with visible boners that really endears you to the premise.
Shari Kari has a condition (Je Ne Sais Quoi - which granted, was a cute name) where if she eats too much sugar or processed foods, she'll die. (I'm pretty sure JNSQ's some strain of super-beetus.) In order to prevent this, she takes a pill that will also eventually kill her. Zeke makes it his mission to get her off her meds and make her exercise, eat healthy, and play with more children to combat this crippling disease, and nearly kills her in the process.
Oh, and in case you thought the whole premise of someone dying from eating sweets was cute, or funny, that's because you haven't read about how Kari Shari's mouth and esophagus were melted like someone poured battery acid down her throat when she ate a piece of cake. Or how their mother was imprisoned for life because everyone jumped to the conclusion that she murdered her daughter by feeding her battery acid. Or how Shari Kari can't set foot in her home town anymore because she was thought to be her mother's accomplice in the murder of her twin sister.
Hahaha...hilarious!
Did I mention the reason she has to live in this safe house is because her crazy, rich ex-boyfriend is pissed that she broke up with him, and has paid many, many guys thousands of dollars to seduce her and rape her for him? Pah. That is such TYPICAL ex behavior! (Also, rape is ALWAYS funny!)
The writing is just strange, and terms get thrown at you left and right, but you're given no idea of what exactly the author is talking about. There's no context, or anything that gives you any sort of clue about what's going on. Zeke's a Paladin...okay...
Most of this book is just Shari Kari screaming at Zeke because she doesn't want to exercise, or Zeke and Timothy trying to out-do each other with petty-name calling. (Timothy wins this contest by training a three-year-old, like a parrot, to say "hippie" or "flower power" whenever Zeke is around, and being proud of the fact like it's some sort of accomplishment. He loses points though, because Zeke is oblivious to the taunts.)
The plot doesn't become interesting at all until the last few chapters of the book, when you finally get context on all of those terms that were thrown at you earlier. And I'll admit, the whole superhero/villain thing would have made for an interesting story. If more of the book had focused on that aspect of the story, it might have been...better. Not great, but better.
I almost gave up on this book. I hate not finishing a book I start, but I was putting serious consideration into clawing my own eyeballs out rather than read another scene of grown-ass men and women talking and acting like they were still five. It was not cute. It was not funny. It was mind-numbingly obnoxious.
If you do not want spoilers, do not read this review. You have been warned.
I read this book back in December, but I still have nightmares about it. In all of the books I've read since then, I have yet to find a book that got under my skin as much as this one did. And I've read some pretty terrible books.
When I first picked up this book, the synopsis caught my eye. It sounded like it was funny, and action-packed. Do not believe the synopsis' lies. This book is not funny. This book is not romantic. It's supposed to be a satire, but of what, I have no idea.
This book was painful every single step of the way, and left me just feeling...uncomfortable.
For starters, the main character is a girl named Shari Kari, who had a twin sister named Kari Shari. Her two main "love interests" are Timothy Varmen ("Varmint") and Zeke ("the Hippie"), who constantly insult each other with their respective nicknames.
The premise of the book is that Shari Kari's surviving sister sends her to a safe house of sorts, where rich parents drop off their kids and usually leave them there indefinitely. This leads to all sorts of
Shari Kari has a condition (Je Ne Sais Quoi - which granted, was a cute name) where if she eats too much sugar or processed foods, she'll die. (I'm pretty sure JNSQ's some strain of super-beetus.) In order to prevent this, she takes a pill that will also eventually kill her. Zeke makes it his mission to get her off her meds and make her exercise, eat healthy, and play with more children to combat this crippling disease, and nearly kills her in the process.
Oh, and in case you thought the whole premise of someone dying from eating sweets was cute, or funny, that's because you haven't read about how Kari Shari's mouth and esophagus were melted like someone poured battery acid down her throat when she ate a piece of cake. Or how their mother was imprisoned for life because everyone jumped to the conclusion that she murdered her daughter by feeding her battery acid. Or how Shari Kari can't set foot in her home town anymore because she was thought to be her mother's accomplice in the murder of her twin sister.
Hahaha...hilarious!
Did I mention the reason she has to live in this safe house is because her crazy, rich ex-boyfriend is pissed that she broke up with him, and has paid many, many guys thousands of dollars to seduce her and rape her for him? Pah. That is such TYPICAL ex behavior! (Also, rape is ALWAYS funny!)
The writing is just strange, and terms get thrown at you left and right, but you're given no idea of what exactly the author is talking about. There's no context, or anything that gives you any sort of clue about what's going on. Zeke's a Paladin...okay...
Most of this book is just Shari Kari screaming at Zeke because she doesn't want to exercise, or Zeke and Timothy trying to out-do each other with petty-name calling. (Timothy wins this contest by training a three-year-old, like a parrot, to say "hippie" or "flower power" whenever Zeke is around, and being proud of the fact like it's some sort of accomplishment. He loses points though, because Zeke is oblivious to the taunts.)
The plot doesn't become interesting at all until the last few chapters of the book, when you finally get context on all of those terms that were thrown at you earlier. And I'll admit, the whole superhero/villain thing would have made for an interesting story. If more of the book had focused on that aspect of the story, it might have been...better. Not great, but better.
I almost gave up on this book. I hate not finishing a book I start, but I was putting serious consideration into clawing my own eyeballs out rather than read another scene of grown-ass men and women talking and acting like they were still five. It was not cute. It was not funny. It was mind-numbingly obnoxious.
February 18, 2013
I'm sorry to say that I thought this book was terrible. I did like the idea behind the book but that was as far as it went.
I found Death by Cake quite juvenile and irritating and the way the characters behaved just annoyed me. It wasn't what I was expecting from reading the blurb which was also a dissapointment. the story was also confusing with the way things were suddenly thrown in, despite never being mentioned before and a character's name changes which confused things.
I did like Rebecca though, her story would be quite interesting.
I found Death by Cake quite juvenile and irritating and the way the characters behaved just annoyed me. It wasn't what I was expecting from reading the blurb which was also a dissapointment. the story was also confusing with the way things were suddenly thrown in, despite never being mentioned before and a character's name changes which confused things.
I did like Rebecca though, her story would be quite interesting.
February 1, 2012
I can't read this, its too weird, gave it 3 chapters and dropped it. Strange town where everyone plays all the time, ficticious medical problem called JNSQ (Je Ne Sais Quoi). A review on Amazon said "not like any story you've ever read before" damn right and it won't be like any story I'll actually finish reading either.
July 6, 2012
Quit reading in the 2nd chapter. Story was too rediculous too continue.
May 12, 2012
Shari. Kari. Do I need to say much else? Actually, I do. Although having a main character whose name is Shari Kari is just an automatic set-up for awesomeness, this book has so much more awesomeness to it than just the name of the main character- though I must say I had a fun time talking about this book with my husband just because I got to say “and then Shari Kari…” The entire premise of this book, that sweets can literally kill is incredible, and I more or less spent the whole time reading this book with the constant threat of “oh please tell me I’m not near the end…” From rhyming names (or at least one rhyming name) to adults that act like kids, and kids that act like adults, any reader would be flipping from one page to another. (Hehe. That’s a small joke- read the book to find out how!)
I think the above clearly shows how incredibly awesome I thought this book was. One thing that I don’t usually do, that I just feel that I should do with the review is include quotes from the book. I usually don’t, for the reason that I don’t want some authors feeling like nothing stood out to me just because I can’t pull a single sentence and have it stand on its own. However, in this case, I think this one sentence says a lot about the book itself. Here it is:
“Getting her to even do ten let alone twenty would be as easy as making a pig sing.”
For those of you who haven’t read this- what are you waiting for? It’s currently free at Amazon. Link at bottom of the post- this may seem like an out-of-place sentence. It’s not deep. But it is unpredictable. And that is what the whole book is like. You’ll be reading, maybe laughing at something and have to go and re-read that sentence because “wait, did it really just say that she ***************?” Sorry, no spoilers. Go read the book if you want to know what happens. You won’t regret it.
I think the above clearly shows how incredibly awesome I thought this book was. One thing that I don’t usually do, that I just feel that I should do with the review is include quotes from the book. I usually don’t, for the reason that I don’t want some authors feeling like nothing stood out to me just because I can’t pull a single sentence and have it stand on its own. However, in this case, I think this one sentence says a lot about the book itself. Here it is:
“Getting her to even do ten let alone twenty would be as easy as making a pig sing.”
For those of you who haven’t read this- what are you waiting for? It’s currently free at Amazon. Link at bottom of the post- this may seem like an out-of-place sentence. It’s not deep. But it is unpredictable. And that is what the whole book is like. You’ll be reading, maybe laughing at something and have to go and re-read that sentence because “wait, did it really just say that she ***************?” Sorry, no spoilers. Go read the book if you want to know what happens. You won’t regret it.
December 12, 2012
Firstly, I need to tell, I won a copy of this book through GoodReads First Reads Giveaways in exchange for an honest review. So here goes...
I was quite excited to read this book, as it sounded like some thing fresh and different. The reality of it was, for me, rather different. It is the first book I have ever started reading that I thought 'I don't think I can finish this'. The first few chapters are not well written. I found them confusing, frustrating and repetitive. It felt like there was no point to the book, (where on Earth was it going & why?). Things kept on being alluded to and not explained. Also through out the book I did not really like the characters. They irritated me & I didn't find them believable.
Two more random points:
1) The use of language at times was so odd, that it felt like i was reading a bad English translation of a foreign book.
2) The editing of this book was shocking. Confusing, sudde time jumps (usually indicated by a few ***s or a gap in paragraphs. Or the opposite - gaps in continuous text. It did make the story difficult to follow.
Having said all that though, I think the author hit her stride towards the end and I surprised myself as I slightly enjoyed it. Things started happening that made sense, there was a goal and a point to what was going on that made sense to me. Otherwise it would have been a lonely old 1 star rating. I doubt very much that I will pick up the next book in the series.
I was quite excited to read this book, as it sounded like some thing fresh and different. The reality of it was, for me, rather different. It is the first book I have ever started reading that I thought 'I don't think I can finish this'. The first few chapters are not well written. I found them confusing, frustrating and repetitive. It felt like there was no point to the book, (where on Earth was it going & why?). Things kept on being alluded to and not explained. Also through out the book I did not really like the characters. They irritated me & I didn't find them believable.
Two more random points:
1) The use of language at times was so odd, that it felt like i was reading a bad English translation of a foreign book.
2) The editing of this book was shocking. Confusing, sudde time jumps (usually indicated by a few ***s or a gap in paragraphs. Or the opposite - gaps in continuous text. It did make the story difficult to follow.
Having said all that though, I think the author hit her stride towards the end and I surprised myself as I slightly enjoyed it. Things started happening that made sense, there was a goal and a point to what was going on that made sense to me. Otherwise it would have been a lonely old 1 star rating. I doubt very much that I will pick up the next book in the series.
December 30, 2011
First of all, I must admit the warning is true. I ate a lot of junk food while reading this. I thought this book was absolutely wonderful. It was the most orginal novel I've read in years. The plot was wacky, but the writing was good enough to make it work. The disease Shari has, JNSQ, is obviously made up, but the author makes you almost believe it's a real disease. I liked how most of the characters were very innocent. Even when something came up, like Shari's ex not liking that she couldn't have sex, it took Zeke a while to figure out what she was talking about. The only characters I didn't care for were Shari's sister, Traci, and Timothy. I thought they were both whiny, especially Timothy. I'm hoping in the next book, Shari breaks up with Timothy and gets together with Zeke. The book ended on a cliffhanger, and I can't wait to read book two to find out what happens.
January 23, 2014
Okay, I DNF'd this book around 10%. This book was just shallow. The characters had no depth, no real emotion...it was flat.
And then the author started turning the book into a vegan paradise...how to cure yourself and get yourself off of dangerous drugs by eating ONLY organic vegetables...
Nah...I will leave this to the vegans to pat each other on the back and the extreme foodies. I have no interest. Flat characters, offending my red meat sensibilities.
I won't recommend this book to anyone...the writing is just blah and the book is boring. Of course, the author could always rewrite this into an interesting book...it has a good setting and premise...just horrible execution.
And then the author started turning the book into a vegan paradise...how to cure yourself and get yourself off of dangerous drugs by eating ONLY organic vegetables...
Nah...I will leave this to the vegans to pat each other on the back and the extreme foodies. I have no interest. Flat characters, offending my red meat sensibilities.
I won't recommend this book to anyone...the writing is just blah and the book is boring. Of course, the author could always rewrite this into an interesting book...it has a good setting and premise...just horrible execution.
January 14, 2012
The town Melanie Ray creates in Death by Cake is quirky. Immature residents and health problems create conflicts between the main characters that put a smile on my face. Even the most mature resident, Zeke, has problems and acts childish. Shari, an outsider who comes to live there, is also quirky and stubborn. If you're looking for a completely different type of romantic comedy, than I recommend this one.
January 26, 2013
Got this as I get so many of the Kindle stuf I read, very, very cheap.If I had paid more than the pennies ( I think 70p, not sure, but definitely under £1) I would have been really angry. I was dissapointed and kinda skipped/read jumping bits to see if something would improve in the end, but most definitely not my cup of tea.
December 25, 2012
This book is completely ridiculous! It is a very strange mixture between a kids book and an adult book, and who knows which one it is meant to be? It isn't appropriate for kids, but it is absolutely not something that many adults would want to read either. I just don't get it.......
September 28, 2016
Grammar and spelling.
While I enjoyed this story, my greatest issue overall is the many spelling and grammatical errors. This book needs careful editing, so that the sequence of events is not confusing.
While I enjoyed this story, my greatest issue overall is the many spelling and grammatical errors. This book needs careful editing, so that the sequence of events is not confusing.
December 18, 2023
0 stars
My worst read of 2013
My worst read of 2013
July 19, 2013
read to page 245 of 765 and just could not continue
December 17, 2014
This book is up there with fifty shades of grey for me I FOUND IT DISTURBING. There was nothing funny or exciting about it, it was just god dam strange
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews