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Through the Door of Life: A Jewish Journey between Genders
After years of teaching literature at Yeshiva University, Professor Jay Ladin made headlines around the world by returning to the Orthodox Jewish campus as a woman: Joy Ladin. In Through the Door of Life, Joy Ladin takes readers inside her transition as she changed genders and, in the process, created a new self.
With unsparing honesty and surprising humor, Ladin wrestles with both the practical problems of gender transition and the larger moral, spiritual, and philosophical questions that arise. Ladin recounts her struggle to reconcile the pain of her experience living as the “wrong” gender with the pain of her children in losing the father they love. We eavesdrop on her lifelong conversations with the God whom she sees both as the source of her agony and as her hope for transcending it. We look over her shoulder as she learns to walk and talk as a woman after forty-plus years of walking and talking as a man. We stare with her into the mirror as she asks herself how the new self she is creating will ever become real.
Ladin’s poignant memoir takes us from the death of living as the man she knew she wasn’t, to the shattering of family and career that accompanied her transition, to the new self, relationships, and love she finds when she opens the door of life.
“Wrenching—and liberating. . . .[it] opens up new ways of looking at gender and the place of LGBT Jews in community.”—Greater Phoenix Jewish News
“Given her high-profile academic position, Ladin’s transition was a major news story in Israel and even internationally. But behind the public story was a private struggle and learning experience, and Ladin pulls no punches in telling that story. She offers a peek into how daunting it was to learn, with little support from others, how to dress as a middle-aged woman, to mu on make-up, to walk and talk like a female. She provides a front-row seat for observing how one person confronted a seemingly impossible situation and how she triumphed, however shakingly, over the many adversities, both societal and psychological, that stood in the way.”—The Gay and Lesbian Review Worldwide
With unsparing honesty and surprising humor, Ladin wrestles with both the practical problems of gender transition and the larger moral, spiritual, and philosophical questions that arise. Ladin recounts her struggle to reconcile the pain of her experience living as the “wrong” gender with the pain of her children in losing the father they love. We eavesdrop on her lifelong conversations with the God whom she sees both as the source of her agony and as her hope for transcending it. We look over her shoulder as she learns to walk and talk as a woman after forty-plus years of walking and talking as a man. We stare with her into the mirror as she asks herself how the new self she is creating will ever become real.
Ladin’s poignant memoir takes us from the death of living as the man she knew she wasn’t, to the shattering of family and career that accompanied her transition, to the new self, relationships, and love she finds when she opens the door of life.
“Wrenching—and liberating. . . .[it] opens up new ways of looking at gender and the place of LGBT Jews in community.”—Greater Phoenix Jewish News
“Given her high-profile academic position, Ladin’s transition was a major news story in Israel and even internationally. But behind the public story was a private struggle and learning experience, and Ladin pulls no punches in telling that story. She offers a peek into how daunting it was to learn, with little support from others, how to dress as a middle-aged woman, to mu on make-up, to walk and talk like a female. She provides a front-row seat for observing how one person confronted a seemingly impossible situation and how she triumphed, however shakingly, over the many adversities, both societal and psychological, that stood in the way.”—The Gay and Lesbian Review Worldwide
255 pages, Hardcover
First published March 15, 2012
31 people are currently reading
837 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 63 reviews
June 17, 2012
I have never before read a book that took me so swiftly to the heart of what it is to be born into the wrong body. Much of Ladin's story is heartbreaking - her memories of childhood are wrenching for how soon the disconnect between her self and her body pushed her to deep, pervasive despair and self-harm, and her struggle to parent her own children in the present is its own difficult (but worthwhile) trial. Yet there is so much that is beautiful about this book and this story - the courage Ladin displays, large and small, in owning the necessity of her transition; her acceptance by the vast majority of her students and colleagues at Yeshiva University; her delight in thrift store finds and the swish of a skirt.
Ladin's transition is mediated through her Judaism, especially the Orthodox Judaism found at both Yeshiva and the Wailing Wall in Jersualem. Ladin's visit to the wall - once as a man, once as a woman - is poignant and moving, as she confronts what gender means to her and to others in trying to negotiate that sacred space. The themes of birth and rebirth, of death and dying, of scripture that comforts and scripture that condemns complicate and enlighten Ladin's experiences. And as Ladin observes at the Wall, all the world expects us to code our life by gender, to act in certain ways and accomplish certain things according to our bodies and enmeshed selves - her experience of Judaism is a way to point to universal, human stories in which we all play a part.
That Ladin is a poet makes this a gorgeous, lush read - each word sings on the page. I recommend this book highly.
Ladin's transition is mediated through her Judaism, especially the Orthodox Judaism found at both Yeshiva and the Wailing Wall in Jersualem. Ladin's visit to the wall - once as a man, once as a woman - is poignant and moving, as she confronts what gender means to her and to others in trying to negotiate that sacred space. The themes of birth and rebirth, of death and dying, of scripture that comforts and scripture that condemns complicate and enlighten Ladin's experiences. And as Ladin observes at the Wall, all the world expects us to code our life by gender, to act in certain ways and accomplish certain things according to our bodies and enmeshed selves - her experience of Judaism is a way to point to universal, human stories in which we all play a part.
That Ladin is a poet makes this a gorgeous, lush read - each word sings on the page. I recommend this book highly.
April 11, 2019
This is the first memoir written by a transgender person that helped me truly understand why this could be a necessary step in someone's life. I read Chaz Bono's book and two by Jennifer Boylan, but neither of those authors brought me to awareness of the compelling need to shift gender and the trauma of gender dysphoria. Joy Ladin expressed the deep pain of an existence lived in the wrong gender and the horrible psychological impact of existing in the wrong body. Those reviewers who state that the book describes deep pain are correct, but they neglect to mention the strengthened spiritual connection that Joy developed with G-d as she questioned the fact of her existence in prayer. She fully explores the terrible personal cost of her decision to transition; yet, again, it was not really a decision. It was a choice between the annihilation of her being and transition. The revelation that G-d was lovingly waiting for her to become her true self was gained over years of prayer and faithfulness. Yes, the book is dense. But it's one that will help the reader expand his or her heart. How sad it must be for people who "believe" in only binary constructs of gender and sexual orientation, because they miss the beauty of creation, the complexity of our creator, and knowledge of the compassionate love of G-d for all his/her children.
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November 23, 2018this story, which is written very nicely, drips with pain. if you are of the persuasion that trans people change gender at whim, just cuz, maybe you should read this.
it's too bad that joy ladin doesn't bring into the narrative a keener awareness of trans studies, in particular the part of trans studies that deals with identity, performance and the politics of pleasure/desire. these are all difficult themes and she deals with them untheoretically (the difficulties are massively present in the book as lived agonies) but i imagine that being more conversant with the theory might have made her life, or at least her narration of it, a little easier. who knows. (don't mean to patronize, joy ladin. i'm only responding to the text and its character, if you see what i mean!).
still, man, this stuff is painful. my heart goes out to all the trans folks who are dealing with this kind of pain right now. hang tight people, it gets better.
it's too bad that joy ladin doesn't bring into the narrative a keener awareness of trans studies, in particular the part of trans studies that deals with identity, performance and the politics of pleasure/desire. these are all difficult themes and she deals with them untheoretically (the difficulties are massively present in the book as lived agonies) but i imagine that being more conversant with the theory might have made her life, or at least her narration of it, a little easier. who knows. (don't mean to patronize, joy ladin. i'm only responding to the text and its character, if you see what i mean!).
still, man, this stuff is painful. my heart goes out to all the trans folks who are dealing with this kind of pain right now. hang tight people, it gets better.
August 18, 2014
Ladin lets you know much of her struggle with realizing her true gender. I liked her insights into Judaism with transgender issues. She shows how becoming her true gender cost her her spouse, intimacy with her children, and friends. It was fascinating and helped me to appreciate & begin to understand transpeople.I'm bringing in excerpts to my Queer Studies class.
Favorite pages-bookmarked: 70-73,"When I was a kid, I couldn't risk becoming someone my family would despise"(72). She felt like she was living [in her male body] in a "burning house"(75).She recounts calling her mother to tell her about her transition and how much to her surprise she tells Joy "you will always be my child"(118-119). She makes an analogy of Superman to transitioning (134-135). "I was starving to be a girl, and the nonkosher food of female clothing was the only way I knew to feed my malnourished self"(173). She mentions how she finally feels alive (188). While some people may criticize transwomen as appropriating stereotypical behavior, Ladin realizes the whole range of women's voices and beautifully paints a selection of 15 or so of them (192). It was moving how she talks about being in front of the Wailing Wall and having to choose her gender (205). She writes of having difficulty identifying herself as 'queer' (234). I found her youngest daughter's interactions and questions indearing. As she was only 2 or 3 when Ladin transitioned, she was not critical of her gender divide. As she got older and the divorce happened, she asks "Why did you have to be a girl?"(244-247). This book also shows how hard the transition was on the children; they had a lot of anger, which looking at the whole situation, seems to also stem from the spouse's hostility. Ladin exhibits much patience, showing that a parent's love can have the maximum challenge. I loved when Ladin recounts her children first telling her about seeing her in a photo as a woman and how she looked so happy to them (252-253).
Favorite pages-bookmarked: 70-73,"When I was a kid, I couldn't risk becoming someone my family would despise"(72). She felt like she was living [in her male body] in a "burning house"(75).She recounts calling her mother to tell her about her transition and how much to her surprise she tells Joy "you will always be my child"(118-119). She makes an analogy of Superman to transitioning (134-135). "I was starving to be a girl, and the nonkosher food of female clothing was the only way I knew to feed my malnourished self"(173). She mentions how she finally feels alive (188). While some people may criticize transwomen as appropriating stereotypical behavior, Ladin realizes the whole range of women's voices and beautifully paints a selection of 15 or so of them (192). It was moving how she talks about being in front of the Wailing Wall and having to choose her gender (205). She writes of having difficulty identifying herself as 'queer' (234). I found her youngest daughter's interactions and questions indearing. As she was only 2 or 3 when Ladin transitioned, she was not critical of her gender divide. As she got older and the divorce happened, she asks "Why did you have to be a girl?"(244-247). This book also shows how hard the transition was on the children; they had a lot of anger, which looking at the whole situation, seems to also stem from the spouse's hostility. Ladin exhibits much patience, showing that a parent's love can have the maximum challenge. I loved when Ladin recounts her children first telling her about seeing her in a photo as a woman and how she looked so happy to them (252-253).
July 9, 2013
A beautifully rendered almost poetic story of gender transition, and what personal authenticity involves.
March 18, 2012
I could not wait for this to be published, so I'm sad to be giving it a mediocre review, but I was disappointed. In many places the book is an outpouring of emotion without enough story around it to give the emotion substance. I especially had trouble with the fact that Joy's wife seemed like such a monster (I understand it's hard to have a spouse transition, but how could she think it was okay to tell the kids their father had abandoned them by transitioning?), and despite all the references to "twenty-five years of love" that Joy's transition had destroyed, I had no sense of what Joy had loved about her to begin with and what had been great about the relationship before. Telling more of the story would've allowed the readers to feel some of the emotion, too, instead of just witnessing it as if through a window. Giving the wife and kids pseudonyms, instead of just calling them "my wife," "my son," etc., would've helped a lot in making them seem like full people.
The book works best in the chapters that are reflective on a particular topic, usually on Judaism and transsexuality. Those were the chapters I'd previously read as excerpts that made me so eager to read the book, and those are Joy's distinctive contribution to writing about transsexuality. The book doesn't work as a "what it feels like" book, yet there is too much emotion in the book to think that portraying what it feels like was not one of her goals.
The book works best in the chapters that are reflective on a particular topic, usually on Judaism and transsexuality. Those were the chapters I'd previously read as excerpts that made me so eager to read the book, and those are Joy's distinctive contribution to writing about transsexuality. The book doesn't work as a "what it feels like" book, yet there is too much emotion in the book to think that portraying what it feels like was not one of her goals.
April 14, 2015
Quite possibly the best written and most honest memoir I've ever read. Written by poet/professor Joy Ladin, someone I've long admired for her writing as well as for her general strength and grace in life, and (surprise) featuring in a small part my friend Raven Kaldera (he isn't mentioned by name but if you know him, you'll know exactly when he shows up!) Highly recommended for anyone Jewish, or anyone on the LGBT spectrum or an ally, or anyone looking for a bit of poetic bittersweet truth about this world and the glorious varied ways one might relate to it.
July 22, 2013
Fascinating memoir that definitely got me thinking about gender more deeply. There were many aspects I couldn't relate to as a non-trans woman, but these tended to be what got me thinking the most. Much of the writing was beautiful, with some delicious turns of phrase. However, all the lengthy descriptions of painful emotions made parts of the book a chore to wade through. I wanted more story for context and less focus on descriptions of the emotions themselves.
March 25, 2015
A well-written, heart-breaking and enlightening book. Also wonderful to read some of the specifically Jewish thoughts and ideas about transition.
September 22, 2025
A heart-wrenching but beautiful and ultimately hopeful memoir written by Jewish poet Joy Ladin. I haven’t been inspired to read many memoirs, but I got this one after hearing the author speak on multiple podcasts and online interviews. The first half of her story is especially challenging to read, with dysmorphia, suicidal ideation, self-harm, and dissociation being dominant themes. The strength of her writing made the reading process all the more difficult.
It was helpful for me to read this article (https://lambdaliterary.org/2014/12/un...) in which she explains her choice of terminology more in depth. She uses the terminology that was part of her experience. Also, in the memoir she acknowledges struggling with internalized transphobia. I recommend reading this book only if you’re in the right mental space. It is a courageous and important book and I am grateful the author decided to share her experiences.
It was helpful for me to read this article (https://lambdaliterary.org/2014/12/un...) in which she explains her choice of terminology more in depth. She uses the terminology that was part of her experience. Also, in the memoir she acknowledges struggling with internalized transphobia. I recommend reading this book only if you’re in the right mental space. It is a courageous and important book and I am grateful the author decided to share her experiences.
April 23, 2024
read this for my gender and judaism class. it warrants a serious content warning before reading for discussions of suicide and internalized transphobia. this book is emotionally intense, and sometimes unbearably painful to read, but, perhaps because of that, it is filled with poignant sentences and powerful realizations. ladin's ability to find her spirituality and connection to her faith through enormous trauma and crisis is very meaningful. i think i'll be thinking about this book for a long time.
April 8, 2019
A moving and thought-provoking read that I will review in more depth when I have time to do so.
The author is also a poet, and I have marked some of her poetry as to-read because I like the way she writes.
The author is also a poet, and I have marked some of her poetry as to-read because I like the way she writes.
March 28, 2019
This is one of the rawest memoirs of gender transition I've read. At times it's a bit repetitive, but I think that's primarily a function of most (if not all) of the chapters having previously appeared as free-standing essays. She writes beautifully - not surprising for a poet and English professor.
November 14, 2012
This book was a revelation in so many ways. Joy Ladin opens up her world to the readers in such powerfully insightful ways, and draws them in to the agony of growing up in the wrong body, the loneliness of her struggles, and the sorrows of losing family and friends, all the while remaining open to the love and friendship of those who would help and assist her on her journey to becoming who she was always meant to be. I have a friend who's child is at the beginning of the process of "becoming", and am deeply impressed by and respectful of the support and love my friend is providing to her daughter throughout this process. I am thankful that this child, with all that she WILL have to go through, will always have loving parents, friends and all the supports she'll need so she won't have to traverse this difficult terrain alone. Joy's painful journey to becoming a whole person, to being who she is meant to be, has paved the way for my friend's daughter and for so many others.
From a literary standpoint, the memoir offers elegant prose -- not surprising because she's a world class poet -- and provides a vivid sense of her experiences. She minimizes her role as a pathbreaker, however, which is a shame, because though she rejects the "courageous" label, she has earned it and is, therefore, an example for countless others whose lives will/would benefit by her example. The fact that her journey was further complicated by her employment in and commitment to the religious Jewish community was woven through the book, but I'd have liked a little more insight into how her experience meshed with her Jewish identity and her position at Stern College, the orthodox women's college of Yeshiva University. She seems, understandably, reluctant to say anything negative about her employer in the book, focusing generously on how it has all worked out, and much less on the legal battle she obviously undertook in order to regain her active teaching position among the orthodox women of the university.
A beautiful and worthwhile read.
From a literary standpoint, the memoir offers elegant prose -- not surprising because she's a world class poet -- and provides a vivid sense of her experiences. She minimizes her role as a pathbreaker, however, which is a shame, because though she rejects the "courageous" label, she has earned it and is, therefore, an example for countless others whose lives will/would benefit by her example. The fact that her journey was further complicated by her employment in and commitment to the religious Jewish community was woven through the book, but I'd have liked a little more insight into how her experience meshed with her Jewish identity and her position at Stern College, the orthodox women's college of Yeshiva University. She seems, understandably, reluctant to say anything negative about her employer in the book, focusing generously on how it has all worked out, and much less on the legal battle she obviously undertook in order to regain her active teaching position among the orthodox women of the university.
A beautiful and worthwhile read.
March 9, 2019
Gorgeously written, heartfelt and heart wrenching.
February 7, 2016
This was a powerful, positive and important book about people who are transgendered (I think she prefers? transexual). We watch her growth in her certainty that she is a woman--while balancing the tension between her family and her identity. She writes prose in a poetic style--aided by the fact that she is a literature and writing professor at Stern College, the women's division of Yeshiva University. She details the pain of losing much (her relationship with her former wife, the day-to-day life with her children, friends, housing, income, more) while gaining much--the joy of being her true self. She wrestles with her relationship to G-d and Judaism, her femininity and sexuality, the needs of her family and herself. With life itself. Is it worth even continuing? It is painful and heartbreaking, at times gut wrenching…and powerful. And although I am not transgendered I found myself identifying with many of her struggles. All at the same time. And in the end, it left me oddly unsatisfied. Maybe it needed an editor. Maybe it is too many collections of essays published elsewhere and cobbled together, so that I found myself confused about timeframes and chronology. In places it felt redundant and in places it felt like it didn't go far enough. (Why did his, it was his then, father stop speaking to him? What did his, then hers mother think?). And I had hoped it would end with hope. I am not sure it did. Read it and discuss. I have too many transgendered friends to not make this discussion a priority.
February 7, 2016
What does it mean to talk about a Jewish journey between genders? While there is some discussion of God and Jewish practice towards the end, I think the main Jewish element here is that no one can practice Judaism alone; it must happen in community. Ladin spends as much (if not more) time on the impact her choices have made on her students, her parents, her children, and her ex-wife as on her own feelings. And she does so with compassion, honesty, and a poet's gift for language.
Ladin does also discuss her own feelings and her shifting sense of self, a lot of which both surprised me and made me feel a keen sense of recognition for another woman, another human being. Her struggle to learn the outward signs of femininity after a lifetime of fighting to conform to expectations of male behavior. Her rueful realization that, while transitioning makes her feel alive for the first time in her life, it's not a panacea; in a lot of ways, it makes her life harder and less happy. And her conflicted feelings about "passing": in the beginning, she finds it incredibly validating to be seen as a woman, but later, being taken at face value as a woman (and not recognized as a transsexual) can feel just as isolating as being seen as a man used to be. And most importantly, what it means to be fully present for her children while being acutely aware that her choices have both hurt them deeply and limited the time she gets to spend with them.
I found this book deeply moving and truly beautiful, and I'm seeking out Ladin's poetry so I can spend more time with her writing.
Ladin does also discuss her own feelings and her shifting sense of self, a lot of which both surprised me and made me feel a keen sense of recognition for another woman, another human being. Her struggle to learn the outward signs of femininity after a lifetime of fighting to conform to expectations of male behavior. Her rueful realization that, while transitioning makes her feel alive for the first time in her life, it's not a panacea; in a lot of ways, it makes her life harder and less happy. And her conflicted feelings about "passing": in the beginning, she finds it incredibly validating to be seen as a woman, but later, being taken at face value as a woman (and not recognized as a transsexual) can feel just as isolating as being seen as a man used to be. And most importantly, what it means to be fully present for her children while being acutely aware that her choices have both hurt them deeply and limited the time she gets to spend with them.
I found this book deeply moving and truly beautiful, and I'm seeking out Ladin's poetry so I can spend more time with her writing.
July 11, 2013
Totally blown away by this book!
In my professional live, working with HIV-infected individuals, it is not uncommon for me to encounter transgender individuals, but this book is written from the perspective of someone well-educated, literate, and religious, and, as such provides a unique perspective into the reality of someone who is born with a male body, but who feels their identity to be female.
There are so many ways in which this book resonates with truth, and, I must say that the negative reviews I read here are surprising to me - this is not a whining apologetic book. It is an honest acknowledgement by a unique individual who realizes that the price she paid for becoming "real" was one which cost so much both to herself and to those she loved most dearly.
The book closes with a long bibliography of works written about the transgender experience. I don't know if I will read any of them - I think this one book has said so much, and brought me to a better understanding of the experience of feeling that ones' body is not representative of ones' nature. It's something that I have readily accepted as truth for my patient's, but never had as compelling an understanding of before.
And, for me, a religious person, I feel like the sense of making the truth of a transgender experience coherent and consistent with one's religious tradition is of even greater value!
Brava!!
In my professional live, working with HIV-infected individuals, it is not uncommon for me to encounter transgender individuals, but this book is written from the perspective of someone well-educated, literate, and religious, and, as such provides a unique perspective into the reality of someone who is born with a male body, but who feels their identity to be female.
There are so many ways in which this book resonates with truth, and, I must say that the negative reviews I read here are surprising to me - this is not a whining apologetic book. It is an honest acknowledgement by a unique individual who realizes that the price she paid for becoming "real" was one which cost so much both to herself and to those she loved most dearly.
The book closes with a long bibliography of works written about the transgender experience. I don't know if I will read any of them - I think this one book has said so much, and brought me to a better understanding of the experience of feeling that ones' body is not representative of ones' nature. It's something that I have readily accepted as truth for my patient's, but never had as compelling an understanding of before.
And, for me, a religious person, I feel like the sense of making the truth of a transgender experience coherent and consistent with one's religious tradition is of even greater value!
Brava!!
March 20, 2021
Almost impossible to finish as a trans person. The way Joy wrote about a group that she is a part of is atrocious. My cisgender professor who assigned this book to me told me this was one of his first exposures to a trans narrative (and also knows Ladin personally), and I was horrified. No cis person should read this book, especially as their first exposure to transness. The language Ladin uses to describe herself and trans people as a whole is inaccurate and cruel (consistently calling cisgender women “real women” and never clearly indicating that cis and trans women are both equally women) and the way she portrays the abuse she suffers at the hands of her wife throughout their divorce (her children have been told by Ladin’s ex that she abandoned them, rather than being banned from seeing them consistently by Ladin’s ex and her lawyers, and SHE DOESNT CORRECT THEM) portrays trans people, trans parents especially, as selfish and uncaring of those around them. Ladin’s internalized transphobia is blatant and she should not have written and published a book so full of unchallenged transphobia from a trans person, knowing mostly cisgender people would read it. Some well-written sections, as expected from an English professor, save this from one star. But I firmly believe no one should read this book. It is false and inaccurate for cis people and torture as a trans person.
June 10, 2019
I really wanted to love this book. The subject matter is interesting. Both the transgender journey and religious aspect. I am empathetic to the suffering that the decisions Jay Ladin made to become Joy Ladin, caused for him and his family. The pain he and they went through was horrendous. I did feel however, that the book was extremely repetitive. It was like we got the same explanations and philosophies about feeling and events, written a hundred different ways. It felt to me if I was reading the same thing over and over again, albeit eloquently written. For me it was a very long monotonous read and not in terms of the total number of pages.
I believe so much more could have been done with this story to make it more engrossing/engaging for the reader. Sadly for me, I waded through chapter after chapter of self absorbed emotional whinging and bleating with very little insight into what his wife went through. There is a lot of content regarding the children but as far as his wife goes it is implied more than once, that she was cold, non- understanding and that her lack of empathy influenced the children, that she told them he had abandoned them. It didn’t feel a very balanced account. I would be interested to hear her point of view.
I believe so much more could have been done with this story to make it more engrossing/engaging for the reader. Sadly for me, I waded through chapter after chapter of self absorbed emotional whinging and bleating with very little insight into what his wife went through. There is a lot of content regarding the children but as far as his wife goes it is implied more than once, that she was cold, non- understanding and that her lack of empathy influenced the children, that she told them he had abandoned them. It didn’t feel a very balanced account. I would be interested to hear her point of view.
December 20, 2012
This is a powerful book. I learned a lot from it but it was tough to read. I began to understand what it is to be born with one physical gender but to have a mind of the opposite gender. From a very young age, Jay/Joy knew something was very wrong. At age 6, he read an article in a woman's magazine in his mom's bedroom which described a young boy who was dressing as a girl, and felt a strong kinship.
I had problems getting into it, in part because of the style of writing and also because of my prejudices as a mother and grandmother. I had a very hard time dealing with her having 3 young children (and the effects on them) when she finally had no choice but to be herself or die.
Near the end of the book she came out with some powerful "truths" about life and relationships for all.
I had problems getting into it, in part because of the style of writing and also because of my prejudices as a mother and grandmother. I had a very hard time dealing with her having 3 young children (and the effects on them) when she finally had no choice but to be herself or die.
Near the end of the book she came out with some powerful "truths" about life and relationships for all.
February 14, 2016
This memoir chronicles the challenges of being not the right external and internal body. The difficulties that young and dating and early married Jay faces are sad, the sense of dislocation from the physical body is heartrending. The religion/God pieces are scattered throughout, as religion likely is for most people. The push-pull of derech eretz (respect for others, as everyone is created in God's image) and basic Biblical language (about wearing clothing of the other gender, for example) mirrors the push-pull of Jay dying so that Joy might live.
This book made for thoughtful reading, interesting discussions with others, and a great book club dialogue about the hardships, on so many levels, for those who are trans.
This book made for thoughtful reading, interesting discussions with others, and a great book club dialogue about the hardships, on so many levels, for those who are trans.
June 18, 2017
I'm not sure how to describe this book...depressing but necessary? It was certainly painful to read about Professor Ladin's rejection by her family when she transitioned, and about the assertions of her ex-wife and the courts and even herself that obviously her transition was bad for her children, and something that had to be hidden from them. But it was also important for me to be reminded that I do live in a strange, little non-transphobic bubble, and that the rest of the world is much less accepting.
I have to admit that it was hard to find myself identifying much with Professor Ladin: she's much more femme and binary than I could ever be, and her life experience is just far too different. But I'm still glad I read her story.
I have to admit that it was hard to find myself identifying much with Professor Ladin: she's much more femme and binary than I could ever be, and her life experience is just far too different. But I'm still glad I read her story.
July 6, 2013
Joy Ladin (formerly Jay Ladin) is a poet and a professor of English at Yeshiva University's Stern College for Women. The book is written with the clarity and poetry of language one would expect, considering her background. In addition, though, it includes the wry humor and deep pain of her midlife transition from male to female. Especially poignant is her ongoing fortitude in rebuilding a relationship with her three beloved children.
This is an important read for any compassionate person, but it's perhaps especially important for those who believe that changing genders is a casual choice or a purely selfish endeavor.
This is an important read for any compassionate person, but it's perhaps especially important for those who believe that changing genders is a casual choice or a purely selfish endeavor.
December 17, 2012
Joy's book is an honest, vulnerable look at just how painful and rewarding coming out as trans and deciding to transition can be. Especially for an individual in middle age. "Through The Door of Life" is an incredibly brave narrative. The vulnerability and honesty she shows by admitting that she ruined her family's lives is powerful. Joy's story is sad, but it is also hopeful and is well worth the read. I read the book very quickly. Joy is an excellent writer who masterfully uses the English language in her prose.
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February 5, 2016The memoir of the first openly transgendered employee of an Orthodox Jewish institution details the pain in the decision to transgender and the breakup of her family. The process of acceptance of self through the physical (voice, clothes, make-up, gait, and sex), the discrimination suffered by transgendered individuals, and the loneliness that one endures "to live" are revealed. Throughout the process, the author relies on selected passages from her Jewish faith that give her strength in her decision.
August 11, 2017
This is a beautifully written book and Joy Ladin is open and honest and poured her heart out. I could feel her anguish. One of the things that I did not understand was her relationship or lack of relationship with her father. And one thing that stood out for me was the fact that she did not name her wife or children. However, she did name all others in her book. Am surprised that other reviewers have not mentioned this. It sort of stood out for me. All in all - was glad to read Joy Ladin's book and learn about her journey and her victory.
July 10, 2015
This is a very well-written account of one woman's journey to her present gender. I think it makes for a great addition into the canon of trans narratives. I did wish that she would have had delved even more into the Jewish elements and themes throughout her entire journey -- especially since this is part of the title of the book. This book is Joy Ladin's detailed and personal narrative of her unique journey which occasionally brings in some basic Jewish themes.
July 21, 2012
Beautifully written,this book will stay with me. I found myself having to put the book down every few pages because Ladin's experience is so powerfully shared that I needed to process what it must be like to go through her experience. Her faith in G-d and her profound love for her children is inspirational. So is this book. Read it.
September 29, 2013
This book was painful yet hopeful, so heartfelt and intimate. I felt honored to be allowed into the author's very emotional and spiritual struggles. I love memoirs, that experience of being let in to someone else's very personal story, of "hearing" the inner workings of the soul and mind of another person. This is a beautiful memoir, beautifully written that I would recommend to all.
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