1/2025 reread:
I was even more impressed and moved on this second reading. My thoughts and reactions are similar to the first time but are even deeper this time, and I wrote down more memorable quotes. I relate so much to John and realize that his very sense of failure helps him succeed in helping people, because it makes him humble and approachable.
I felt this time that Mary and Michael's romance was a bit rushed and forced. I also struggled to understand a lot of the dialogue between them and between Michael and John. I further felt sad that John's great aunt has to leave Belmaray, especially since the other characters had their happily ever afters. She does too but in a different way than the others. Rather than gaining something precious she lets go of a treasure.
I am astonished anew by Harriet's patience in suffering and the influence she wields from her bedroom.
***
For a while I was not sure what this story was about, but it all came together beautifully into a story of liberation, both physical and spiritual: from fear (Margery), from guilt and shame (Michael, John), from self-pity (Daphne), from literal prison and an oppressive school, from abuse (Baba), from one's own misery and unpleasantness (Miss Giles). This liberation mostly comes through forgiveness and compassion both from others and from self. It is fitting that the cover features a wrought iron gate with just a hint that it is opening. It is only Mrs. Bettle who is not freed from her lust for power. Her end is quite ghastly. She reminds me a lot of Dolores Umbridge from Harry Potter, and Mrs. Bettle very well may have inspired the character since J.K. Rowling's favorite childhood book is Little White Horse. Both characters conceal malice beneath a mask of sweetness and placidity, but eventually the mask is torn away to reveal the ugliness underneath. Harriet's fruitful withdrawal contrasts with Mrs. Bettle's harmful one.
I relate most to Margery, who is extremely attached to her parents and sensitive to their troubles. She is also quiet and timid, yet she shows great bravery in choosing to endure Miss Giles and reach out in kindness to her. I greatly appreciate the reference of The Little Mermaid in connection to Margery. I secondly most relate to John, a man who feels that he is a hopeless bungler yet does everyone much good--except that I fear I truly am a bungler. This is the second book of Goudge's (after Scent of Water) that I have read with references to Don Quixote. John is like him in his zeal to do good to his fellow men, but things always seems to go awry (except that, of course, John is not quite such a mess as Don Q). Michael is rather like Don Q in the sense that he is a bit of an outcast.
I despised Daphne for most of the book, but I came to sympathize with her once I discovered her past. She, too, is relatable with her self-absorption. It is all too easy to dramatize and hold onto past hurts to the point that they prevent us from enjoying the present. Harriet, who despite reposing in one room wields much influence, shows her that she has made too much of her pain and needs to learn to forgive and laugh at herself.
Imagination as an escape is a recurring theme. The scene with Winkle taking refuge in the closet at school and imagining peace and comfort is particularly vivid and exquisite, as is the scene in which the family gathers in the drawing room to listen to Daphne read Hans Andersen. As usual, Goudge conveys such beauty in the details she includes. Birds are an important part of the narrative, symbolizing peace, freedom, faith.
My criticism is that Goudge switches perspectives rather too much. I am invited into some characters' inner worlds and become intrigued but then never return to them. After reading four of Goudge's adult books, I find this is her tendency. But I enjoyed this book very much and have barely covered all of the themes and characters. This is the last of Goudge's books that I own, and I will have a hard time waiting to buy more!
Memorable quotes:
2 Illness involved suffering almost as much from the tyranny of painful thoughts as from physical pain.
5 In the paradoxical nature of things if she could have believed them [could not face life without her] she would have been a much happier woman, but not the woman they could not do without.
7 That weakness in oneself which one thought pressed most heavily upon others to their harm was in reality a blessing to them, while on the occasions when one thought oneself doing great good, one was as likely as not doing great harm; if self-congratulation were present, sure to be doing harm.
9 His conviction that whatever he did he'd be sure to make a mess of it had a tendency to make him shrink from action.
10 Like the worst kind of wound it bled inwardly.
14 It was chiefly as the vehicle of love or the symbol of prayer that action was important.
15 It is difficult...for a human being to face the fact that he is really quite superfluous. He is always trying to find a loophole somewhere.
15 For the power of God all things are superfluous...it is also true that for the mercy of God nothing is.
24 "Human character is so full of surprises. Even those one knows best continually surprise one...And in the things one does sometimes, the thoughts one has, one surprises oneself most of all. Invariably unpleasantly."
26 One had to do something, no matter how futile.
29 In no country of concrete experience, only in some country that his soul had known...Michael out of chance phrases and flashes of beauty had always in old days been able to build for himself his country of escape.
33 To the selfish comfort comes from external things, while to the selfless consolation comes interiorly.
36 It was miraculous how such gay things could grow in the rock.
39 The amazing joy behind the curtain of material things.
44 It was the peace and privacy that she liked in these retreats. No one bothered her and she could escape to her country without fear of being seized and dragged back again before she had even had time to knock on the door...the mere flash of a bird's wing, a snowflake looking in at the window or the scent of a flower had been enough to send her back...Perhaps one day...Nothing would remain of her returns to the other place but a vague longing.
48 Once she had known a far more wonderful language than the earthly one, but she had forgotten it now, and heard only vague echoes of it in the song of the birds and the sound of the wind blowing...When her life out there was over she would come back here again, like a tired bird returning full circle to its nest.
54 She could not quite remember, the same sadness that came sometimes with the scent of violets on a cold spring evening, with birds' voices, with the sound of rain on a roof in a summer dawn, with a thousand little things that touched you and stabbed you and were gone. A great symphony or flaming sunset might fill you with intolerable longing, but it was the longing for something to come and had triumph in it. This sadness was the ache for something that seemed lost.
69 If it were possible to escape from lonely experience for a moment and stand back from the tree one would see the myriad bright worlds sparkling upon it. But only the greatest could do that. For all but the great their own experience was a prison house until the ending of the days.
73 John, so ashamed of the contemptible small battles in which his weakness daily involved him.
76 ...that strange movement of the spirit that can come when two strangers meet and know they are no longer strangers.
77 Perhaps the purpose of the sparrows...was just to remark loudly and with repetition that in spite of any appearance to the contrary everything is quite all right. If the repetition seemed a little monotonous at times that was one's own fault; in a world where thrushes sing and willow trees are golden in the spring, boredom should have been included among the seven deadly sins.
78 as one lived in a place certain things about one, the branches of a tree seen through one's window, certain aspects of the light, a church tower in the distance, or an old horse browsing in a green field, moved forward from the rest of one's surroundings and became the furniture of one's own private world.
81 ...sarcasm doesn't grow on the same stalk as humility.
"Someone you have known perhaps for years, perhaps for minutes, steps forward from the background and is suddenly inside with you...inside your own little world that you carry with you."
82 A mutual belief in prayer is almost the greatest bond between two human beings.
104 It was that moment of a spring evening when the birds sing with such a piercing sweetness that the hour is charmed.
144 Like all those who spend much of their time in one room she had come to have an almost personal love for her window...clouds like galleons crossing the face of the moon.
145 The longer she lived the more deeply aware did she become of profundities of meaning in everything about her.
...how lopsided are the gifts of God. Now why give a woman eyes to see and no words to tell of it?
147 She did not believe in forcing anything in having things out; things came out by themselves, with patience and good will.
148 The very glory of what he wanted to say seemed to get in the way of his saying it...He was like a man trying to catch the moonlight on the water with a fishing net.
155 Her green smock had shrunk and lost color in the wash and clung about her sadly, like a cloak of drying seaweed about a stranded mermaid.
169 It was like no earthly music that he had even heard, or ever would hear, though the loveliness of earth was in it.
172 Could you never do a thing and be done with it in this world? Could you never come to a new bit of road and not have the past running along behind the hedge on either side, mocking at you?
174 Harriet had received her sensitiveness as the alms of age that had refused to feed on self. If it were a doubtful blessing it was not the curse that absorption in self would have been. In the last resort there are only the two pains of redemption and damnation to choose from.
175 I needn't be asking You when the hairs on their heads are numbered. That's the queer thing about prayer. Men and women shut themselves up...telling You what You've known before they were born. Prayer would seem plain silly if You hadn't said to do it.
175 I'd rather have that taste of tears than this emptiness.
"You're like a painted picture when your pride's hurt...Like a hollow thing, empty of kindness."
179 "That pea...it's just like Michael. However many layers of oblivion I spread over him he always comes through."
180 ...upon rare occasions she woke up in the morning possessed by an absolute demon...She could feel him muscling within her now...
185 O'Hara's gentleness...had left her with an ache of longing for which there was not possibility of satisfaction, and had if possible increased the hopelessness.
189 "One's in love with life when one's young...One trusts it."
191 "Nothing was more inhibiting than fear, nothing more confusing to the judgment.
195 ...it was a vicious circle. The harder she fought her pain and sin the more tired she was...the more I'll and bad tempered she became.
198 A new sort of pang wrung her...as though a hand suddenly squeezed her heart.
201 "Oh, the joy of the world," she thought... "Joy, even in a drop of rain on a green stem."
210 One was very ready to give one's life for those one loved, even though one was not very nice to them always...Human nature was fundamentally odd.
214 All about her she was conscious only of a pure distillation of good will, but she could not reach it...her own longing for goodness, her deep intent of love...Until the death of self had come to pass the deep intent could not make contact with the good will that waited, longing as the heart longed to bring the seed to flower.
223 ...in the attempt to evade suffering, there was sin. Why should one evade suffering? Evasion was devoid of truth...to turn aside from one brother was to turn aside from all brethren.
226 Margery...had found that amidst the many complications of life silence was best.
232 She had achieved a certain pattern in her life and thoughts, forced it down upon her inner discontent and restlessness, and subconsciously knew that a changing pattern might mean a changing outlook...against her will her outlook was veering like a weathercock.
234 Illness was admirable training in the creative art of grateful acceptance...pain gladly accepted took wings, went somewhere and did something.
235 ...afraid to relax lest she collapse altogether, she had largely lost the power of wonder, and with it the power of looking at familiar things with fresh appreciation.
239 some people who don't realize what it is they are doing to others until they are paid back in their own coin. But those are not the worst. The worst are those whose unkindness is calculated.
240 She was one of those rare people who have ceased to revolve around themselves. That was her special wisdom, the "something" she had.
242 "It's only the immortal thing that a man can be judged on, that bit of himself that he makes as he does the best he can with what fate handed out to him.
247 "It's a poor sort of virtue that has no roots in love. It's why you do or don't do a thing that matters most to my mind."
249 Such a blow breaks a weak woman, twists a strong one.
253 "Is independence so bad for one? asked Daphne.
"Nothing worse," said Harriet. "It gives you a wonderful conceit of yourself."
The tale of the humiliation, never spoken of, had seemed a thing of nightmare proportions in the place where she had buried it, but brought out into the light it looked both petty and ridiculous.
255 it is when children start to question their happiness that they lose it and grow up.
256 The flowers about him...the rose tinted sky...were the faint reflection of a glory he had known and possessed still as seed in the darkness of the soul.
257 The trees, the flowers and the very earth were so etherealized by the quality of the light that they looked as though they might at any moment vanish, like mist drawn up by the sun, and John...lost all sense of heaviness...While they lasted such moments could make the whole drab stretch of painful years seem well worthwhile, leading to such freedom.
265 Shame could wrench just as fear did. Thinking how other men would have behaved in his place was the most searching form of humiliation that he knew.
280 With what bounty and withal with what humor did heaven answer prayer.
282 A room takes the stamp of its owner as helplessly and surely as soft wax.
284 Beauty awakened such intolerable longing that people often shut their eyes to it, unaware that the longing was the greatest treasure that they had, their very lifeline, uniting the country of their lost innocence with the heavenly country for which their sails were set.
285 "I can believe every possible good of anyone possessed of the power of self-knowledge."
287 "Nothing is lost that is stamped upon memory...It is one of the things which is given back to be your heaven or hell."
291 Progress in evil was quick and easy...growth in goodness was so slow...so flat, so dull, and like the White Queen one had to run so fast to stay where one was, let alone progress.
300 Laughing at yourself gives you freedom...From hating yourself. One can be just as self-engrossed in self-hatred as self-love, and either way be as blind to the quality of those about you.
308 A close union with the earth seemed to involve one in union with a good deal more than the earth...Now he wondered if there was any conceivable situation in which one could say, it is the end. Was the word hopeless one that ever had any truth in it?
313 One could not move through life without a measure of outward assurance...but it needed a lot of practice before one could hold the thing steady outwardly while remaining inwardly aware that there was nothing to be assured about.
319 "Yet one must have these things. Even men like you and me who have no trust in ourselves. Without these desperate plunges we'd do nothing but gibber in a ditch."
321 The real comfort was to have one's sins and weaknesses not explained away but understood and shared...It can be as much by our weakness as by our virtue that we can serve each other.
342 Prayer is the greatest activity there is. It is directed not only to the praise of God but to the redemption of the soul of man.
346 You could not see someone in a dream, and then see them in the flesh, and not feel you were in some way vitally connected with them.
348 "There are times in life when sitting down and doing nothing can be a duty."
357 Strength...relative thing. A weak man, struggling with circumstances too hard for him, might put up a stronger fight in failure than the strong man in success. He might even be more worthy of respect and love.
360 Did rhythmic times of fresh growth help another...?
362 Some people you can see every day for years and never do more than pass the time of day as with a stranger, and others you can see just a few times from your window and it seems as though you were old friends.
363 "If you want a good thing badly enough you get it. Not overnight, maybe. But you get it."
364 He began to understand what immense concentration of power there can be in a life withdrawn if discipline can keep pace with withdrawal. Without discipline withdrawal was a disintegration.
364 We're never alone. That's the mistake so many make. There'd be less fear if folk knew how little alone they are.