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The Adoption Reader: Birth Mothers, Adoptive Mothers, and Adopted Daughters Tell Their Stories
More than thirty mothers and adoptees - including Louise Erdrich, Nancy Mairs, and Minnie Bruce Pratt - recount their experiences with adoption and explore such issues as open adoption, cross-cultural adoption, birth records, and adoption by lesbians.
283 pages, Paperback
First published September 7, 1995
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
March 21, 2011
3.5 - I'm kind of stuck between three and four stars because as with any book of essay's some will be more enjoyable than others. I don't have adoption affecting my life directly but it's always been a subject I'm interested in. I would have said, before starting this, that I expected to be more ineterested in the adopted daughters' stories. It was exactly the opposite and I was much more into the adoptive mothers' stories. The birth mothers' stories came in a close second for me.
The stories will take you through a wide range of emotions, as can be expected. Some of them pissed me off, some made me feel an astounding amount of sympathy and some were just plain weird.
In Robyn Flatley's My Son for instance, as she tells of her son finding her and them meeting after 26 years. As they were walking and talking one night she told him she feels "dizzy, like I'm in love with you." No real problem yet right? Words can be taken a great many ways. Okay. Soooo, the son replies, "You know, this is confusing for both of us. I will never make love with you; it's against my beliefs." Well shit. There goes that huh? Am I missing something? Is this normal in this world we live in? Is it normal for Flatley to feel "cheated" and to want to have "him inside me"? (pg. 49 - all of it). "Son" and "have him inside me" should never, ever, ever, ever go in the same sentence.
I don't mean to nitpick here but how seriously am I supposed to take an essay by a "mother" who complains about her husband and that the "only help he gave me was to watch them at night when I went out with friends.". "Them" being the children. Really? Could no normal people be found to write for this? That's not fair, there are some normal people included here but damn the abnormal really almost cancel the normals out.
Sheila Rule's was not a good one for me. I don't like anyone to make too big an issue out of race. IMO it's only serving to keep racism and the like alive. There's little reason for it IMO. If we all want to be equal then we'll have to be just that - equal. Screaming out about race and always distinguishing does nothing at all. Well, nothing positive.
Something similiar can be said for the essay(s) by KKai Jackson and Catherine E. McKinley. Race, race, race, race, race, and did I mention I'm mixed? You got to love this one though - the black part of their heritage is being embraced while the white part is to be hidden. It's to be pitied. It's to be ignored. It brings the question of what exactly would be said if this were the other way around in 2011 to mind? One can guess.
Something like this, with the last few examples, makes me think the person(s) have nothing intelligent to say. Nothing worthy that I need to listen to. So, in the end, while I did read the full stories by each, I took them with a grain of salt. I wouldn't read any again any more than I would read an essay by a KKK member.
I guess it comes down to what you have with any anthology or compilation - some you'll like, some you won't. Some you'll agree with, some you won't. I can say this, it's interesting and I'll continue to read more about the subject with an emphasis on adoptive and birth mothers. I think I'll probably shy away from adoptive daughters for the most part right now.
I almost forgot by Shay Youngblood's essay's - both of them - are worth mentioning. There is obvious racial distinction there but it's with a purpose. That purpose makes all the difference to me. Besides that, the talent is there and the story is there. Youngblood's two essay's are among the best in the book.
The stories will take you through a wide range of emotions, as can be expected. Some of them pissed me off, some made me feel an astounding amount of sympathy and some were just plain weird.
In Robyn Flatley's My Son for instance, as she tells of her son finding her and them meeting after 26 years. As they were walking and talking one night she told him she feels "dizzy, like I'm in love with you." No real problem yet right? Words can be taken a great many ways. Okay. Soooo, the son replies, "You know, this is confusing for both of us. I will never make love with you; it's against my beliefs." Well shit. There goes that huh? Am I missing something? Is this normal in this world we live in? Is it normal for Flatley to feel "cheated" and to want to have "him inside me"? (pg. 49 - all of it). "Son" and "have him inside me" should never, ever, ever, ever go in the same sentence.
I don't mean to nitpick here but how seriously am I supposed to take an essay by a "mother" who complains about her husband and that the "only help he gave me was to watch them at night when I went out with friends.". "Them" being the children. Really? Could no normal people be found to write for this? That's not fair, there are some normal people included here but damn the abnormal really almost cancel the normals out.
Sheila Rule's was not a good one for me. I don't like anyone to make too big an issue out of race. IMO it's only serving to keep racism and the like alive. There's little reason for it IMO. If we all want to be equal then we'll have to be just that - equal. Screaming out about race and always distinguishing does nothing at all. Well, nothing positive.
Something similiar can be said for the essay(s) by KKai Jackson and Catherine E. McKinley. Race, race, race, race, race, and did I mention I'm mixed? You got to love this one though - the black part of their heritage is being embraced while the white part is to be hidden. It's to be pitied. It's to be ignored. It brings the question of what exactly would be said if this were the other way around in 2011 to mind? One can guess.
Something like this, with the last few examples, makes me think the person(s) have nothing intelligent to say. Nothing worthy that I need to listen to. So, in the end, while I did read the full stories by each, I took them with a grain of salt. I wouldn't read any again any more than I would read an essay by a KKK member.
I guess it comes down to what you have with any anthology or compilation - some you'll like, some you won't. Some you'll agree with, some you won't. I can say this, it's interesting and I'll continue to read more about the subject with an emphasis on adoptive and birth mothers. I think I'll probably shy away from adoptive daughters for the most part right now.
I almost forgot by Shay Youngblood's essay's - both of them - are worth mentioning. There is obvious racial distinction there but it's with a purpose. That purpose makes all the difference to me. Besides that, the talent is there and the story is there. Youngblood's two essay's are among the best in the book.
June 24, 2009
OK, am I the only one disturbed by the Rita Flatley story?
January 5, 2013
This was a frustrating anthology. My first thought was "I feel like I'm reading blogs". Followed by a lot of thoughts about privilege and entitlement, smugness and an overwhelming sense of being unable to relate to virtually any of the authors within. I found many of the pieces immature, or at the very least the writers themselves unlikable.
The book is split into adoptive mothers, adopted daughters and birth mothers, and oddly, as an adoptee I found the most revelations in the adoptive mother sections. I'll be honest-most of the pieces by the adopted children annoyed me. One piece in particular where the (now adult) daughter is seemingly puzzled by the reaction of her birth father when he sends her a letter saying she's basically messed up his life, and her continual puzzlement when no one in her birth family continues contact, baffled me. I know these are people telling "their" stories, but I was expecting and wanting more than I got out of this book.
The book is split into adoptive mothers, adopted daughters and birth mothers, and oddly, as an adoptee I found the most revelations in the adoptive mother sections. I'll be honest-most of the pieces by the adopted children annoyed me. One piece in particular where the (now adult) daughter is seemingly puzzled by the reaction of her birth father when he sends her a letter saying she's basically messed up his life, and her continual puzzlement when no one in her birth family continues contact, baffled me. I know these are people telling "their" stories, but I was expecting and wanting more than I got out of this book.
April 25, 2009
This book has a very interesting concept, stories from birth mothers, adoptive mothers, & adopted daughters about adoption but it's not one of the better adoption books. Most of the birth mothers placed their babies in the 60s so their stories were pretty dated. Even though I want to adopt more than anything I had a hard time relating to any of the adoptive mothers, they all seemed so different from me in their lifestyles, values, & reasons for adopting. And most of the adoptees wrote about how bitter they were. I wish just once an adoptee would write a book about how they had great parents & a wonderful childhood & are grateful to their birthparents for giving them life.
September 17, 2009
This is a very powerful book, especially if your life has been touched by adoption in some way. There are many perspectives in this book and it has something for everyone. There were a few stories that were "out there" but even in those situations there was a morsel to be had. I really enjoyed this book. It is the second time I have read it. The first time was over a decade ago. It still holds water. The material is timeless.
April 27, 2014
A collection of essays by birth mothers, adoptive mothers, and adoptees. These essays show the complexity of adoption. The essays show that it is not all happy endings and there is a variety of emotions involved in adoption.
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews