I Am in Here: The Journey of a Child with Autism Who Cannot Speak but Finds Her Voice by Elizabeth M. Bonker

by Elizabeth M. Bonker

She looked into my eyes and blinked hers slowly and deliberately, like a stroke victim, to show me that although she couldn't speak, she understood what I was saying to her. I stroked her hair softly. 'I know you're in there, honey, ' I told her. 'We'll get you out. Despite the horror of seeing fifteen-month-old Elizabeth slip away into autism, her mother knew that her bright little girl was still in there. When Elizabeth eventually learned to communicate, first by using a letterboard and later by typing, the poetry she wrote became proof of a glorious, life-affirming victory for this young girl and her family. I Am in Here is the spiritual journey of a mother and daughter who refuse to give up hope, who celebrate their victories, and who keep trying to move forward despite the obstacles. Although she cannot speak, Elizabeth writes poetry that shines a light on the inner world of autism and the world around us. That poetry and her mother's stirring storytelling combine in this inspirational book to proclaim that there is always a reason to take the next step forward--with hope

Genres: Nonfiction, Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Memoir, Biography, Poetry, Autobiography, Philosophy

Mass Market Paperback

First published October 1, 2011

Reviews

[Lucy Dawson · Rating 1 out of 5]

I started off enjoying this book, for the first few pages. It was about a girl with Autism who used a letter board to speak and write poems. Very inspirational.
Unfortunately, this inspirational message about overcoming the struggles of Autism with strategies does not last long.
The author of this monstrosity, the girls mother, quickly turns to talk about how how she wants to cure her daughter (and son's) autism. She visits lots of quack doctors and puts her daughter through painful medical trials to cure her.
There has never been any successful evidence of anyone curing autism. The brain is wired differently, how will drugs fix that?
Next, as if I weren't already irritated, she takes her daughter to see a pastor who says prayer will heal her and make her speak. There is a massive emphasis on god and religion in the second half. This is fair enough, I have nothing against people having faith. But to think some random bloke will 'heal' your daughters autism by laying his hands on her head is just insulting to people with disabilities.
The mother goes on to say that the healing hasn't worked, but it doesn't always work first time (convenient) but she has faith it will eventually see results.

So many parts of this book severely irritated me that I frequently thought about abandoning it. I really enjoy learning more about autism and those whose lives have been affected by it, as I work with autistic children and have for a few years now. However I felt this book made light of a serious developmental condition and tried to make out it could be 'fixed' if only you have enough money to pay for medical trials and pointless religious pilgrimages like the family in the book clearly had.
I strongly advise against this book.

[Angela · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was very challenging for me to get through. When I got to the part of the book where the author first mentions that she runs a venture capital fund the book made a lot more sense. The writing has the tone of someone who works in that field. A lot of catch phrases, quick inspirational works, very little substance.

I was expecting more about the actual journey that the family experienced in dealing with Elizabeth's autism. Instead the book is very much focused on the experience of being a mother of a child with autism. Very little is said about how they got to where they are today. From reading the book it seems that overnight Elizabeth went from being completely uncommunicative to writing profound poetry.

Maybe parents of children with autism would find this book more engaging and inspiring but as a professional in the field I would not recommend it.

[SweetCheeses And Coffee Dreams · Rating 2 out of 5]

My mom gave this book to me as a gift, and we read it simultanously. When I saw the cover and the description, I was pretty excited to read it. I thought it was Elizabeth's story, and although it does have her poems, and some of her thoughts in the book, this is more of a philosophical book told from her mother's viewpoint...and there are many parallels drawn to things I could not relate to at all as a mother. For example, there was an entire chapter comparing capital venture funding and autism. Although we were told that Elizabeth's words would be written in bold print, a few times, they were not, and it was a bit confusing as to whose voice was speaking. I also felt like this did not even reflect the usual experience of a mother with a child with aspergers, since she is very wealthy and is able to fly to multiple states to help her daughter, and take her to the top specialists. Most parents have to deal with whatever specialists are "in network" and if they don't mesh with their children, there's not much they can do. She speaks of being a "How" person, but many people do not have the money and resources she has, and often the letter writing and pleading still does not get the help or respite a parent needs to help their child, no matter how much effort you are putting forth.

I would love to read a book written by Elizabeth, and clearly this was not really it. I think it would have been a better book, albeit, short and sweet, with just the poems and the short descriptions of what Elizabeth meant to reflect in them. The mother included long descriptions of her own spiritual journeys, and could not come to a conclusion about whose journey that was either. Elizabeth, the daughter, seems to be pretty solid about her beliefs, but mom seems almost confused about her own.

My overall opinion is that the title of this book is a misrepresentation of whose story this book actually describes.

[Allison · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this to be an interesting read about a mother and daughter's struggle with autism. I learned some things I had not realized about autism like that there are biological manifestations which chronic digestive tract problems. It was also fascinating to read the eloquent poetry of from a gifted child that can not speak. However, somewhere in the middle of the book it takes an unexpected turn to religion and spirituality. While I understand that the challenges of raising a disabled child probably do lead to either the strengthening or questioning of one's faith, I felt the extensive discussions of the mother's faith in God took away from the main focus of autism which the book was supposed to be about. I also did not like that the bad side of autism was only briefly touched upon. Yes, the negative and scary behaviors were mentioned, but they did not get as much attention as I would have liked to get a more balanced understanding of the disorder. I also would have liked more information about the author's autistic son who was barely mentioned at all. She talks about how the children's autism has manifested itself very differently, but does not explain how the son is different other than he can speak. It was a good book, but I was left wanting more and less at the same time.

[Sara Ray · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an amazing book from many perspectives. Elizabeth is a non-verbal autistic child who begins to communicate through her original poetry written on a letter board. I was most fascinated by the thoughts and feelings she was able to express. Elizabeth's spiritual depth and maturity seem to be right up there with the theologians and Christian writers highlighted in the book. Our family has been blessed with a non-verbal autistic child. Although she is still quite young, we know that her thoughts are in there and she has her own distinct gifts. Our family does not have the resources that are there for Elizabeth's family. Yet it is helpful to be reminded of the resources we do have . . . faith, hope, and love to name three.

[Diana]

I'm choosing not to rate this, because while I feel it is an accurate representation of how the author and her daughter feel about her autism, it is not accurate at all as a general representation, and in fact I think some of the language used is quite a harmful way to approach autism. What Elizabeth has achieved is amazing, and I've got nothing against that, but I do disagree in many ways with this book's overall message when seen as a commentary on all autistic people.

[Krystal · Rating 2 out of 5]

"I Am in Here" is a very personal story of one mother's journey with Autism. This book was good and I am glad I got to read it. As a behavioral therapist specializing in autism, I had some worries with this book. It was a great perspective to have the knowledge of now. I have passed the book onto co-worker, but am not singing it's praises.

[Sharon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fascinating story of a mother’s love and determination to relieve her daughter’s suffering. Her daughter has non verbal autism and was eventually able to express herself by using her letterboard. Through this she wrote poetry and communicated that it was agony for her not to be able to speak and show people who she was. Elizabeth and her mom worked so hard over the years to give Elizabeth her voice, and this book is a part of that.

[Carol · Rating 4 out of 5]

Because I have a daughter who works with autistic children, I am often attracted to books about autism, or novels whose main character is autistic. When I saw the title, “I Am in Here,” I knew I had to read this one! I have had the opportunity to spend time with one of these special autistic children, and one of my constant remarks is, “I wonder what is going on in his head.” I SO wish I knew! If I, as an acquaintance, feel this way, I can’t begin to imagine what it must be like as a parent, teacher, or caregiver. They are amazing people!

When I started to read this wonderful book, I was taken aback at how many situations were similar with Virginia and her daughter, as I had observed with the child that I know. However, after a few pages, I was surprised at how much I wanted to say, “You don’t know how lucky you are that Elizabeth is able to express herself on paper.” The fourteen-year-old boy I know can read simple sentences, write some words, and speak a few, but rarely expresses any feelings or thoughts of his own. It is nearly impossible to know what he is thinking. However, “lucky” is a drastic word to use about any child with autism. Breen’s descriptions of their lives is all too-familiar with other books I have read about this challenging condition - the trials of diets, foods, medicines, therapies, strategies, etc. Often a never-ending struggle to find success, in addition to the emotional stress of family and work.

I was also puzzled about why the mother kept referring to Elizabeth as nonverbal, when I have seen video clips of her saying a few words. Granted, they were sometimes difficult to understand, and she was not speaking in sentences, but I got the impression from the book that she could not speak at all. I was surprised that this was not included.

The most fascinating parts of this book were reading Elizabeth’s poems! Wow! I recognized and enjoyed some of her Dr. Seuss-style, and her thoughts were quite advanced, beautiful, and very inspiring! I am ready to copy several for reminders to myself! Whether you like the basic story or not, it is worth picking up this book just to read the poems!

This was almost a five-star book for me. (Is there a 4.75 star up there?) While I realize that it was focused on the relationship between mother and daughter, I felt it would have been helpful to have included more about the rest of the family, especially Ray’s role; and I wonder why Virginia seemed more concentrated on Elizabeth than on her son. I was happy to read about her “Gale Time” with her older daughter. Because of the time-consuming needs of autistic children, it is a huge strain on all family members!

The last few chapters addresses their faith in God and the power of prayer, which I'm thankful that they have, but I felt that the author drifted off to more on religion than I thought was necessary.

I hope Elizabeth keeps writing beautiful poetry and that it will be published for the world to enjoy!

This is a sample of one of my favorites:
HAPPINESS
Why do people say someday?
Why not today?
If you always say someday,
You may never get to do the things that make you happy.
So go out and be happy.

Make it snappy!

[Grace Wall · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was super relatable to me as a mom of an autistic child. I enjoyed the first half and loved reading Elizabeth’s poems, but the second half of the book got very religious. Not undertones, like complete overtones. Everything they did related back to prayer and God and as someone who is not very religious it took me for a loop. I also felt it was a bit off the mark with all the bizarre “doctors” the mom took Elizabeth to to try to “cure” hers and Charles’s autism. She seems to have endless money and other resources that weren’t relatable to me and doesn’t address it until the end of the book.
I gave it 3 stars because I feel connected to the non-speaking feelings the mother wrote about but the whole second half rubbed me the wrong way.

[LaDawn · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an odd book. I liked parts of it, but like other reviewers, I found it hard to relate to this mom. I don't begrudge her wealth and her ability to be there for her kids, but it does make it harder to really understand her. (Does that even make sense?) having said that, I also admire her for her efforts to make friends and be a true friend to people from all walks of life. However, I wanted to read more about her everyday life with TWO autistic children. Instead, I thought she must be a single mom for most of the book, because she doesn't even mention her husband except for one short paragraph nearly two-thirds of the way through the book. She also rarely mentions her son, which makes me wonder what drastic measures does she take to ensure he is healed? I'm sure it isn't true, but it would be easy to think she favors her daughter because of her daughters obvious intelligence.

I did find a few quotes that I will copy to enjoy and contemplate later.

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Having just started this book I will give it a chance, but so far I have a really hard time identifying with this parent.

This book is written by the mother of two autistic children, but the book focuses only on her daughter, who is non-verbal, but is able to type in a hunt and peck style, by which she writes short, concise, poems. It is interesting to hear the stories told from the daughter's point of view.

The mother is a venture capitalist, the dad is a stay at home dad. Mom searches the country over for some of the most notable therapists and takes vacations with her daughter in far off places to have special learning time. These parts of the book frustrate me as they have a very unique situation that most parents could never obtain. Anyway, I still enjoyed hearing the daughter's viewpoint, but I quit the book about halfway in. I got bored.

[Tricia Rogers · Rating 2 out of 5]

I could relate to a lot of the Mom's feelings in this book as well as the frustration she and her daughter felt. Been there personally with my son. However, to me the story was a little unrealistic in the way the parents could just "fly across the world" looking for special therapists, treatments, doctors opinions, etc." They must be millionaires! It is not that easy in the Arkansas Delta! However, it also shows that Autism is not a respecter of persons as even though they had the money for the therapists, etc., their daughter could still never talk. She did triumph by finding her "voice" through the letterboard system. I am glad to see that. However, that does not always work for every child. All in all, it was an interesting read on a very frustrating subject.

[Stacey · Rating 3 out of 5]

The poetry by a young woman with autism was powerful and definitely spoke to someone trapped within her body. I think the book would have been more potent if it focused on her writing and life. I appreciate her mom's need to share her own experience, but I think that would have fit better in a separate book.

[Edna · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciated the portions of this book that address the hidden abilities of those affected by autism. I found the description of the efforts of the parents and caregivers to enhance the girl's ability to communicate and find comfort very powerful
I would have liked the book better if the girl's point of view were more to the front, the mother's less so.

[Tosh · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this a few years ago so the details are fuzzy, but I remember thinking how revealing this was on the inner person of someone with autism. I loved how she expressed herself through poetry.

[Lydia Bartel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading "I am in Here: The Journey of a Child with Autism Who Cannot Speak but Finds
Her Voice" offered one girl’s unique perspective through which she views life. Diagnosed with
Autism Spectrum Disorder at age two, Elizabeth is nonverbal but expresses herself through
poetry. With the help of countless dedicated people, Elizabeth found her voice through the use of
a letterboard and has never stopped using it. The book’s text is written by Elizabeth’s mother,
Virginia, and each chapter contains several of Elizabeth’s poems. I found the idea of someone
who doesn’t speak out loud but finds their “voice” fascinating, and I hoped to learn more about
the experience of having thoughts to share with the world but having to work much harder just to
share them. Virginia walks readers through her family’s journey navigating life with two children
with autism, and what she has learned from watching her children grow and live their lives.
Elizabeth’s poems are prominently featured in passages with related subject matter, and
are followed by an explanation from Elizabeth herself as to why she wrote the poem and what it
meant to her. Virginia sometimes recounts conversations with Elizabeth, and this adds so much
to the book that I wish she had included more. Readers quickly learn how precious Elizabeth’s
words are, and want to treasure as many as possible. Perhaps what is the most strongly
communicated message is that people should look for ability, not disability. Elizabeth is an
undoubtedly intelligent individual, yet her differences often lead people to discount her.
Elizabeth communicates on several occasions that she is more than capable of most things, but
people often assume that she isn’t. When others stop and listen to her, she knows exactly how
they can help her to succeed. Everyone could take this lesson from Elizabeth, and look for
others’ abilities, not disabilities. I would recommend this book to anyone seeking a wonderful
reminder of just how miraculous communication is, and of the importance of assuming others to
be capable of great things. Elizabeth and Virginia’s story is one that everyone should hear.

[Christine · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have mixed feelings. I appreciate that the nonspeaking daughter has found the ability to express herself. The rest of the story is odd. The mom is in the world of finance and has money to chase "cures" which have not worked, travel the world with her, and hire a daily companion for her daughter who has been with them for years. It's just not the experience of most people. It's one person's story, so that's valid. If you plan to read only one book about autism, I would not choose this one.

[Katya Mclemore · Rating 5 out of 5]

I Am in Here is a really good book and I would definitely recommend it to friends. I really enjoyed reading this book and all the touching things written in it. A true story of a young girl with autism who finds her way. It’s not easy, but bing able to read this book opened my eyes to see what God had done for this young girl and her family.

[Neva · Rating 4 out of 5]

I rate this high as this young girl was doing all she could to express herself. The author, her mother, struggles to help her. You can feel it in her writing. I can see her mother’s heart doing her best for her children. Her writing may not be that great, but it’s like a journal, honestly telling their story.

[Trish · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm a special education teacher and I usually read books like these for inspiration on how to help my students. This was the worst book I have ever read on the topic of Autism. The author is more of a "look at me" person putting herself first. Autism is not something I have ever seen "cured" but teaching strategies and such can help.

[Angela Schmangela · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting premise and I enjoyed Elizabeth’s poems but the title doesn’t quite fit the content as it became mostly about parental struggles. I read it a second time to see if I would change my mind but the only thing that got me to stick to reading it is because I am interested in autism.

[Katie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought it was going to be about the child who has autism but it was more about the mother and everything she went through to get her child help. There was a lot of the child’s poetry throughout. I was expecting something different.

[Anelie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to like this more than I did. But I think it is a valuable story told here so I'm glad that it is available to all who want to read it.

[Nina May Millikin · Rating 1 out of 5]

Interesting to learn about this kid. Way too religious for me. Read it to the end to find out what happened.

[Sarah]

DNF. Initially I felt drawn into the book, but I quickly began to drift out of it. It felt a bit contrived and... overly dramatic, maybe?

[Jodi Uplinger · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was ok. It was good getting to learn about how someone with Autism thinks, but some of their thinking was also a little strange. (Audio book)

[Karen Yoder · Rating 5 out of 5]

This story is a beautiful tribute to a mother's persistence and an autistic nonverbal poet.

[Big H · Rating 1 out of 5]

Couldn’t get through author’s parent’s intro.

Vaccines DO NOT cause autism.

Period.

Amen.

Full stop.

[Jacqueline · Rating 4 out of 5]

Now that Elizabeth Bonker is a college graduate and ED of a communications organizations, I hope she will write another book.