Being Homosexual: Gay Men and Their Development

by Richard A. Isay

Argues that homosexuality is biologically innate, suggests a natural developmental path for homosexuals, and discusses the problems faced in long-term gay relationships

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Gay, LGBT, Queer, Sexuality

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1989

Reviews

[Arie]

I only want to read about gay and I only want to read about psychoanalysis So this was very good. I think there is a dearth in the realm of gay ""self-help""/psychology and all contemporary content relating to that is unforgivable slop/Memoir/autofiction/queer eye style PSA.

[enja reads]

First published in 1989, Dr. Richard Isay's Being Homosexual: Gay Men and Their Development was a breakthrough study in U.S. psychology. At the time of its publication, conversion therapy was the predominant approved method for therapists to deal with clients whose sexual orientation was other than heterosexual. According to the guidelines of the American Psychological Association (APA), same sex attraction was to be treated as a mental illness in need of radical treatment and successful treatment was not to get rid of same sex attraction entirely, but rather to dispose of one's urge to act on it. Gay and bisexual men in therapy were typically advised to tame their same sex desires and enter into "normal" heterosexual relationships. Such a treatment approach inevitably led to heightened feelings of anxiety, depression and low self-worth.

Dr. Richard Isay, who was himself a late bloomer gay male, approaches treatment from a compassionate psychoanalytic approach, rooted in Freudian theory, and believing that - at a time few in his profession did - sexuality was an inborn component of one's identity. Freud's approach was compassionate and inclusive, recognizing homosexuality as firmly established and as deserving of respect as heterosexuality. Whereas psychoanalysis started as a radical movement, it became (especially in the American context) incredibly conservative, influenced in large part by the anti-communist McCarthy witch hunts of the 1950s. Homosexuality, like political beliefs, and race/ethnicity, all became suspect categories and people feared to go against the socio-political grain for fear of retaliation.

To some, Isay's work was a breath of fresh air. But it was also incredibly controversial, as is any work that is ahead of its time and which challenges the status quo; although often, in retrospect, because times have changed qualitatively for the better, it is failed to be recognized for its groundbreaking contributions and is even sometimes viewed as dated, much in the same way that a film student with no understanding of film history fails to see the groundbreaking magnificence of a film like Citizen Kane.

With Isay's work, there are definitely things that are no longer relevant, but by and large the work remains incredibly applicable to the gay and bisexual male experience. While some of the discussions of a reverse Oedipal complex are difficult to swallow - although Isay admits that some of the examples he gives might be influenced by sample bias (the specific cases of his own patients) - the discussions about the reasons one may repress, deny or suppress same sex attractions, fear of AIDS (even if no longer the death sentence it once was), the pressure to adapt to heteronormative society, are all still incredibly relevant nearly 40 years on.

I can relate to Isay's approach and have found the greatest benefit in therapy through a Freudian based philosophy. Having read Freud's Civilization and Its Discontents in my early to mid-20s, as I began dealing with anxieties around my own sexuality, was pivotal and I believe helped me, if not fully accept (that would not happen for many years), at least find strategies to sublimate until I was ready to dig deeper and be more honest and introspective with myself. Subsequently, having worked with therapists who employed both Freudian philosophies and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), it was the former that I found most useful.

Isay's work deals with such issues as self-acceptance, effeminophobia and internalized homophobia, and I believe that as much as some things have changed and as demonized as Freudian psychology is by some today, the work remains an important resource for both therapists and for gay and bisexual men or anyone for that matter with an interest in matters of human sexuality.

[Andrew]

Whilst this book would have be incredible in 1989 it has dated which is to be expected. Regardless of this, it was a powerful thought provoking book which gave me a glimpse into what it would be like being LGBTIQ in 1989. It also prompted welcomed moments of self reflection.

[Aidan]

Isay has a way of writing that is very warm and open. I love reading him for that reason alone. He also presents a difficult subject like psychotherapy in a way that a person who doesn't know anything about can wrap his head around.

This book was very informative and contained a lot of insight about the development and psychology of gay men.

[David]

Typically psychoanalysts treat homosexuality as a psychopathology worthy of conversion therapy. Not Isay, a psychoanalyst. His unique psychoanalytical approach gives insight into sexuality, especially in speaking of gay men's relationships with their fathers. An insightful book with perspectives other psychological orientations are unlikely to provide.

[Stewart Ramsay]

Excellent excellent. This book helped me tremendously to know myself better and to know how to help others that have dealt with similar issues. The authors observations are very well researched and clearly documented. In addition, Dr. Isay wins the award for the longest sentences I've ever read using words that I had to re-read several times.

[RobinTheWings]

I expected more of a broad comprehensive walk through the development of gay men. But nonetheless there was great wisdom and fascinating insight from a deeper dive in homosexuality and Psychoanalysis. At times overly precise and minutely focused it is still full of many important gems.

[Demo]

bit dated. still pretty interesting

[Carlos]

In a thoroughly thought-provoking book, Dr. Isay treats the reader to a novel approach to the ideas of psychotherapy concerning the development of gay men. He first undertakes the task of explaining why the prevalent attitude of psychotherapy of the late twentieth century was so harmful to the gay men that sought its help and by going to Freud himself, justifies the need to acknowledge the right and dignity of gay men to a supportive therapy environment. His insight into the different development stages of gay men, while expressed completely in Freudian terms, is severely thought-provoking and definitely worthwhile reading.

[Zweegas]

My brother Bruce sent me this book for Christmas 6 or 7 years ago. I read it and at the time it seemed interesting and there are certain things about it that seemed true and stuck with me, but with the passage of time I don't think the advice turned out to be all that good, at least for me.

[Salvatore]

A product of 1980s psychology certainly, but interesting that it was one of the first books of its kind in such gender/gay psychology studies and acceptance.

[Harold Coutts]

kinda outdated views tbh