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Moist
A comic rampage through the polyglot gutters of modern Los Angeles...
When a severed arm decorated with an erotic tattoo appears at an L.A. pathology lab, it's love at first sight. Bob's minimum wage job minding the slabs has never given him agita before, but now he won't rest until he finds the owner of the arm so he can get to the girl who posed for that unforgettable tattoo. But Bob isn't the only one with a stake in finding the arm's owner-the moment he sets off to find his true love, a colorful band of mobsters from Mexico and some of the L.A.P.D.'s finest cross his path in their desperate search for this peculiar piece of evidence.
From Amado, a one-armed murdered addicted to Mexican soap opera, to Martin, a Wharon graduate and cannabis aficionado, to Maura, a masturbation coach with unnatural urges, Bob finds himself entangled in a hilarious stew of murder, sex and mobster-style politics.
A first novel that is as sharp and biting as a salt-rimmed margarita,Faster, with a head-swiveling plot you'll love to untangle, Moist is whip-smart, stylish reading.
When a severed arm decorated with an erotic tattoo appears at an L.A. pathology lab, it's love at first sight. Bob's minimum wage job minding the slabs has never given him agita before, but now he won't rest until he finds the owner of the arm so he can get to the girl who posed for that unforgettable tattoo. But Bob isn't the only one with a stake in finding the arm's owner-the moment he sets off to find his true love, a colorful band of mobsters from Mexico and some of the L.A.P.D.'s finest cross his path in their desperate search for this peculiar piece of evidence.
From Amado, a one-armed murdered addicted to Mexican soap opera, to Martin, a Wharon graduate and cannabis aficionado, to Maura, a masturbation coach with unnatural urges, Bob finds himself entangled in a hilarious stew of murder, sex and mobster-style politics.
A first novel that is as sharp and biting as a salt-rimmed margarita,Faster, with a head-swiveling plot you'll love to untangle, Moist is whip-smart, stylish reading.
320 pages, Hardcover
First published October 1, 2002
28 people are currently reading
293 people want to read
About the author
Mark Haskell Smith
19 books196 followersMark Haskell Smith is the author of seven novels with one word titles, most recently Blown and Memoires, and three nonfiction books including Rude Talk in Athens and Naked at Lunch.
He lives in Los Angeles. He likes Mexican food.
He lives in Los Angeles. He likes Mexican food.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 56 reviews
January 18, 2018
"How much coke can a coyote tote if a coyote could tote coke?
M. Smith is now currently in my top five favorite authors. This debut novel packs quite the punch or should I say it tore my arm off?
His mind, I just want to crawl around inside it for awhile to see what other f'd up adventures are roaming around in there.
This was a do not put down and finish all in one day kind of book. It reads and follows like a movie. For anyone who likes dry humor and isn't squeamish, I suggest picking up any of his titles. You'll not be sorry that you did.
And come on, who doesn't want to read about someone whos job is to teach people how to relax, breathe deep and choke that chicken correctly every time!?
M. Smith is now currently in my top five favorite authors. This debut novel packs quite the punch or should I say it tore my arm off?
His mind, I just want to crawl around inside it for awhile to see what other f'd up adventures are roaming around in there.
This was a do not put down and finish all in one day kind of book. It reads and follows like a movie. For anyone who likes dry humor and isn't squeamish, I suggest picking up any of his titles. You'll not be sorry that you did.
And come on, who doesn't want to read about someone whos job is to teach people how to relax, breathe deep and choke that chicken correctly every time!?
April 30, 2021
Interesting plot and premise though it requires a good bit of suspension of disbelieve. The writing is short and choppy and it reads like a screenplay. Not my cup of tea.
November 1, 2010
Who would have thought that a novel about the seedy violent drug-fueled world of Los Angeles gang culture would be so hilarious?!?!
And yet, so it is. This story is like a meth and pot fueled, surreal version of "Tristam Shandy". The story begins with the bloody and violent loss of a limb, specifically, a heavily tatooed arm that is inadvertantly left at a murder scene (the owner of the arm is the murderer). The arm and its subsequent possession, loss, recovery and destruction is the machinery by which our Tristam, a lab rat named Bob, discovers himself, and transforms himself into the mythic figure, Roberto.
Along the way, we meet Bob's ex-girlfriend, a masturbation coach who discovers the erotic appeal of potential violence and ends up joining the police force. We meet Esteban, the jefe of the local Eme, who is tired and wants to retire. Martin, his law-school-educated second in command, who come sto the inevitable bad end. Finally, there is Amado, one of the best characters I've read recently. He is the killer gangster wo loses his arm and falls in love wiwth the telenovelas while in the hospital. His transformation is the best: he becomes a screenwriter - only in L.A.
And yet, so it is. This story is like a meth and pot fueled, surreal version of "Tristam Shandy". The story begins with the bloody and violent loss of a limb, specifically, a heavily tatooed arm that is inadvertantly left at a murder scene (the owner of the arm is the murderer). The arm and its subsequent possession, loss, recovery and destruction is the machinery by which our Tristam, a lab rat named Bob, discovers himself, and transforms himself into the mythic figure, Roberto.
Along the way, we meet Bob's ex-girlfriend, a masturbation coach who discovers the erotic appeal of potential violence and ends up joining the police force. We meet Esteban, the jefe of the local Eme, who is tired and wants to retire. Martin, his law-school-educated second in command, who come sto the inevitable bad end. Finally, there is Amado, one of the best characters I've read recently. He is the killer gangster wo loses his arm and falls in love wiwth the telenovelas while in the hospital. His transformation is the best: he becomes a screenwriter - only in L.A.
December 21, 2011
I don’t know if there’s another writer who’s quite like Mark. Having read Salty and Baked, Mark’s novels manage to be very funny, yet dark, gritty, and oftentimes, uncomfortable at the same time. Moist’s hero is Bob, who works at a LA pathology lab. A severed arm (though no body) arrives in the lab, and Bob falls in love with one of the arm’s erotic tattoos. Or, he falls in love with the tattoo woman. From there the wild plot spins off into dealings with the Mexican Mafia, a masturbation coach with a gun fetish, a luxury car with a nightmarish alarm system (in which, Mark uses Checkov’s gun to nasty perfection), with a whole host of wild, funny, and at times, heartbreaking characters. Moist is a funny, ribald, smart, dark, and an expertly plotted crime novel that really can only be compared to Mark’s other very fine novels. So there you go. Read ‘em all.
May 19, 2010
Shockingly good, like a train wreck you can't help watching. And funny at that, too!
July 9, 2023
Ce polar pourrait faire un super film, avec une narration à la Tarantino 😁
Une histoire un peu absurde, une galerie de personnage haut en couleurs, un dénouement bien perché.
Une histoire un peu absurde, une galerie de personnage haut en couleurs, un dénouement bien perché.
February 2, 2010
What month did you red this for-January
Title- Moist
Author-Mark Smith
Date started/date completed- 12-14-09/1-30-10
Total Pages-308
Rating of Book-8
Explain Why You Gave The Rating- Moist by Mark Haskell Smith is an excellent read! The story is about a pathologist who finds an arm with an amazingly passionate tattoo of a woman. He's very stuck in life so he sets off to find the model who posed for the tattoo. But his plans are soon canceled when a Mexican mob crosses paths with him. The arm is one of a mobster who just crossed his vice lord by killing an ally and now everybody is searching for the matching body. The book is so interesting and packed full of crazy action and adventure that kept me on my toes the entire time. The book is gritty and grotesque but at the same time stunning and hilarious. It was also extremely detailed. I imagined every scene on a movie screen; very crisp, appealing and simply entertaining. I would so recommend this book. Very good plot that is well executed.
Author's Purpose-Send the reader on a journey for fun entertainment purposes.
Intended Audience-Mature audience that enjoys a nice story and doesnt mind sex and dead bodies along the way.
Title- Moist
Author-Mark Smith
Date started/date completed- 12-14-09/1-30-10
Total Pages-308
Rating of Book-8
Explain Why You Gave The Rating- Moist by Mark Haskell Smith is an excellent read! The story is about a pathologist who finds an arm with an amazingly passionate tattoo of a woman. He's very stuck in life so he sets off to find the model who posed for the tattoo. But his plans are soon canceled when a Mexican mob crosses paths with him. The arm is one of a mobster who just crossed his vice lord by killing an ally and now everybody is searching for the matching body. The book is so interesting and packed full of crazy action and adventure that kept me on my toes the entire time. The book is gritty and grotesque but at the same time stunning and hilarious. It was also extremely detailed. I imagined every scene on a movie screen; very crisp, appealing and simply entertaining. I would so recommend this book. Very good plot that is well executed.
Author's Purpose-Send the reader on a journey for fun entertainment purposes.
Intended Audience-Mature audience that enjoys a nice story and doesnt mind sex and dead bodies along the way.
February 11, 2009
"The NEW Year of Mystery" continues!... Some friends gave me this book for Christmas because a) apparently they find my reviews amusing and want me to continue TYOM, and b) I HATE the word "moist"... I was surprised by how much I enjoyed this - in the first 15 pages, I laughed out loud twice and gasped out loud once. A quirky cast of characters, fun plot, and accessible storytelling made this a quick, easy, and extremely fun read! Viva Roberto!!
July 6, 2008
An energetic, fast paced, black comedy of a crime novel set in L.A. with a cast of characters that include the Mexican Mafia, a wine snob detective, a celebrity chef, a "masturbation coach",a slacker at the pathology lab, and the severed arm he is supposed to deliver to the LAPD. A little silly at times but all in all a good summer beach read.
December 15, 2018
I’m not much for reading about sex and violence these days so almost as soon as I picked up this book I was pretty sure it was going to end up in my did-not-finish pile. But then it started to get interesting and before I knew it I couldn’t put the damn thing down.
Read
November 20, 2008I bought this book for my sister, who hates the word MOIST and I don't think she ever read it. I thought it was hilarious.
November 10, 2021
Like a bad cheesy porno with a bunch of drugs. The voice of the audiobook reader sounded like the pervy man from Family Guy. Finished it because it was for book club.
May 8, 2024
Hey, Goodreads, you made an ERROR. This is written by Mark Haskell Smith, in giant green letters on the cover.
June 6, 2008
Fun, easy-to-read novel about an unconventional team of Mexican mafia members.
June 4, 2010
RATING: 4.25
August 10, 2010
Fell deeply in love with the characters, the setting and the story!
Read
July 18, 2022An interesting easy read. It's hard to rate because I'm not quite sure how I felt about it.
Picked up this one at a library sale because the title made me laugh (I know people hate the word) but there isn't much to do with the title in this one. The characters are colorful and over-the-top which is fun, but everybody is reduced to thinking about sex and body parts. After awhile it gets super tedious, especially since this isn't erotica but basically a crime thriller of sorts.
The other issue is that while I love the idea of a finding a missing arm, we know right away who the arm belongs to, so that takes away a bit of the intrigue.
This was the author's first novel, but like I said it was interesting and quick so if I stumbled across another novel of his I might read.
Picked up this one at a library sale because the title made me laugh (I know people hate the word) but there isn't much to do with the title in this one. The characters are colorful and over-the-top which is fun, but everybody is reduced to thinking about sex and body parts. After awhile it gets super tedious, especially since this isn't erotica but basically a crime thriller of sorts.
The other issue is that while I love the idea of a finding a missing arm, we know right away who the arm belongs to, so that takes away a bit of the intrigue.
This was the author's first novel, but like I said it was interesting and quick so if I stumbled across another novel of his I might read.
October 8, 2022
A highly improbable tale that starts with a missing arm and goes off from there. The character development left me wanting, and the random hook-ups stretched its credibility a little, but after plowing through the first half, I enjoyed the wrap up. One annoying thing though. the author had a habit of switching to Spanish every once in a while; lost the train of thought while I was trying to interpret!
February 3, 2025
me when mexicans are cooler than me and i want to be them so i change my name from bob to roberto and get a sexy latina gf and start speaking spanglish and like honestly like yeah relatable i guess but i didn’t think we were gonna say that out loud
+ bought this for the cover and then realized the cover is just loteria. full circle really
+ bought this for the cover and then realized the cover is just loteria. full circle really
July 3, 2018
quick read, entertaining but not too memorable.
July 17, 2018
Fun, quick read ... may make you blush, though ...
November 18, 2019
I really liked this one. Funny well written and quirky different sort of book.
May 5, 2021
This is a funny book. Turn off your brain and enjoy it!
August 4, 2021
Not my type of book!
September 18, 2022
Fun to read! Did it in one day!
Once started, I couldn't stop. I laughed out loud many times. Great characters, great action. Funny as hell! Too bad there isn't a follow-up.
Once started, I couldn't stop. I laughed out loud many times. Great characters, great action. Funny as hell! Too bad there isn't a follow-up.
May 23, 2025
Moist is worth the read- it’s funny and a quick read. I laughed at how bad the writing was, but also at the dark humor.
August 26, 2025
Too dude bro for me. I hope the overt misogyny was an artistic choice
May 28, 2024
I have very much enjoyed several of Mark Haskell Smith's novels. So far, Moist is one of my favorites.
July 20, 2016
I can't think of a more unassuming name than Bob. It's the name of an everyman, of someone who fits neatly into society. Fittingly, the Bob in this book is a man with an attractive girlfriend that he loves but feels no special connection to outside his attraction he holds for her. Their sex life isn't going well, though, since she spends her days trying to help men help themselves, if you catch my drift.
She's a masturbation coach, is what I'm saying. She can't stand the sight of male genitalia, but claims she still finds Bob attractive.
Bob works as an evidence transporter for violent crimes. One day, they get a severed arm with a particularly erotic tattoo, and Bob's life changes forever. See, the criminal it belongs to was trying to whack some shmuck when it got caught in the chain for a garage door. So he wants it back. So does his boss. They get Bob to deliver the arm to him and plan to off him, but find him to be personable and enjoyable to be around when they actually spend time with him. They promise him a night with the woman on the arm, and it starts to look like they actually have to follow through on that promise.
This book is similar in style to the excellent Savages by Don Winslow, although much less brutal and dark in spite of its brief but explicit bursts of violence. Much like Savages, I tore through the last half of this book in a day thanks to its short, punchy prose and well drawn characters. What I thought would be a darkly comic crime saga actually becomes more of a slice of life piece, albeit with plenty of dark comedy thrown in for good measure. At turns funny and heartfelt, it's difficult to put down once you start.
She's a masturbation coach, is what I'm saying. She can't stand the sight of male genitalia, but claims she still finds Bob attractive.
Bob works as an evidence transporter for violent crimes. One day, they get a severed arm with a particularly erotic tattoo, and Bob's life changes forever. See, the criminal it belongs to was trying to whack some shmuck when it got caught in the chain for a garage door. So he wants it back. So does his boss. They get Bob to deliver the arm to him and plan to off him, but find him to be personable and enjoyable to be around when they actually spend time with him. They promise him a night with the woman on the arm, and it starts to look like they actually have to follow through on that promise.
This book is similar in style to the excellent Savages by Don Winslow, although much less brutal and dark in spite of its brief but explicit bursts of violence. Much like Savages, I tore through the last half of this book in a day thanks to its short, punchy prose and well drawn characters. What I thought would be a darkly comic crime saga actually becomes more of a slice of life piece, albeit with plenty of dark comedy thrown in for good measure. At turns funny and heartfelt, it's difficult to put down once you start.
September 22, 2012
This book is a thoroughly engaging piece of entertainment. It reads like the cousin of an Elmore Leonard book, full of bumbling characters both within and outside of the Mexican mafia. The novel begins with the delivery of a dismembered, tattooed arm to a pathology lab, where it will be processed and sent along to the police as evidence in a murder. From there, it ricochets through at least a half dozen characters' lives in scenes that rarely exceed two or three pages, unfolding the story from multiple angles. The book reads almost exactly like a screenplay, which is unsurprising considering that the author is a former screenwriter; "award winning screenwriter," according to the flap, though presumably not for his uncredited rewrite of Anaconda.
The writing here isn't going to take your breath away, but it does its job of moving the story along without getting in the way. At times, story elements seem a bit too tidy -- most notably the ease with which people fall in love -- but the book rockets along at such a pace that you hardly have time to notice. Certainly worth the day or two of your life it will take to read.
The writing here isn't going to take your breath away, but it does its job of moving the story along without getting in the way. At times, story elements seem a bit too tidy -- most notably the ease with which people fall in love -- but the book rockets along at such a pace that you hardly have time to notice. Certainly worth the day or two of your life it will take to read.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 56 reviews