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The Average American #1
The Average American Male
An offensive, in-your-face, brutally honest and completely hilarious look at male inner life and sexual fantasy. In the course of this hilariously honest book, our narrator suffers through a relationship with his wannabe-actress girlfriend until he finds the perfect girl. But when he moves into the new relationship, he slowly realizes he thinks that all women are pretty much the same, that his true desires will never be fulfilled, and the decision between living life alone or biting the marriage bullet must be made.
246 pages, Paperback
First published March 13, 2007
91 people are currently reading
2266 people want to read
About the author
Chad Kultgen
14 books395 followersAfter two months in his birthplace Spokane, WA Chad Kultgen spent the majority of his life in a suburb of Dallas, TX called Lewisville. After high school, he turned down a full ride baseball scholarship to Trinity University in San Antonio, TX to pursue writing. He moved to Los Angeles, CA where he joined the likes of George Lucas, Robert Zemekis, and Ron Howard as a graduate of the prestigious School Of Cinema/Television at the University of Southern California.
His first job was writing for one of the most widely circulated trade magazines in the music industry, HITS. After two years of being entrenched with rock-stars and their entourages, Chad moved on to become a staff writer for one of American Media's most beloved supermarket tabloids. He created stories about flesh eating zombies, time-traveling stock traders, and
sandwich making house cats for the magazine that gave birth to Batboy, THE WEEKLY WORLD NEWS.
Chad's next endeavor found him selling his first TV show to VH1. The reality show POSERS featured Chad himself along with two of his real life friends posing as various unrecognizable celebrities to get behind Hollywood's velvet rope. VH1 made a pilot episode in which Chad posed as the bass player from the band Maroon 5 in order to infiltrate one of Hollywood's hottest and most exclusive nightclubs. Once inside he proceeded to drink free champagne and use his fake celebrity to escort five female stars of the adult entertainment industry back to his limo. Despite the success of the pilot internally, a perfectly timed regime change at VH1 left Chad with nothing but DVD of the night's events and the paragraph you just read for his troubles.
In addition to writing the pilot episode of The Average American Male, Chad's feature screenplay BURT DICKENSON: THE MOST POWERFUL MAGICIAN ON PLANET EARTH is currently in the process of being optioned by NEW LINE CINEMA.
His first job was writing for one of the most widely circulated trade magazines in the music industry, HITS. After two years of being entrenched with rock-stars and their entourages, Chad moved on to become a staff writer for one of American Media's most beloved supermarket tabloids. He created stories about flesh eating zombies, time-traveling stock traders, and
sandwich making house cats for the magazine that gave birth to Batboy, THE WEEKLY WORLD NEWS.
Chad's next endeavor found him selling his first TV show to VH1. The reality show POSERS featured Chad himself along with two of his real life friends posing as various unrecognizable celebrities to get behind Hollywood's velvet rope. VH1 made a pilot episode in which Chad posed as the bass player from the band Maroon 5 in order to infiltrate one of Hollywood's hottest and most exclusive nightclubs. Once inside he proceeded to drink free champagne and use his fake celebrity to escort five female stars of the adult entertainment industry back to his limo. Despite the success of the pilot internally, a perfectly timed regime change at VH1 left Chad with nothing but DVD of the night's events and the paragraph you just read for his troubles.
In addition to writing the pilot episode of The Average American Male, Chad's feature screenplay BURT DICKENSON: THE MOST POWERFUL MAGICIAN ON PLANET EARTH is currently in the process of being optioned by NEW LINE CINEMA.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 839 reviews
August 13, 2016
This is the worst book I’ve ever read. I mean abysmally bad. In fact, it may be the only book I’ve ever actually had to stop reading because it was so horrible. I skipped to the end and that, too, was really bad. Basically, this book is a piece of crap.
April 18, 2012
Well after reading The Marriage Plot and having a good laugh at rich boring idiots, I was like, well, is there anything that'll give me a good laugh at douchebag bro idiots? You know, so I can properly feel superior to both. And I found this for like, 50 cents. This book is completely ridiculous. So much so that I can't even get mad at it. It's like trying to get mad at a chicken. Like, what are you going to do? They're stupid, just let it go.
***
Now I've read the whole thing, and it's just like a teenage girl's diary. Specifically, well... it's just like my livejournal, when I was around like 19 or so. Mean, sex obsessed, self-absorbed and insecure. It was more entertaining to write that way. And well... it seemed more edgy and satirical to be a intensely superficial ass, probably because I had read 3 Bret Easton Ellis books. I imagine if she were to write this review, it would be like:
"This book has a small dick and tried to take me to Olive Garden."
***
Now I've read the whole thing, and it's just like a teenage girl's diary. Specifically, well... it's just like my livejournal, when I was around like 19 or so. Mean, sex obsessed, self-absorbed and insecure. It was more entertaining to write that way. And well... it seemed more edgy and satirical to be a intensely superficial ass, probably because I had read 3 Bret Easton Ellis books. I imagine if she were to write this review, it would be like:
"This book has a small dick and tried to take me to Olive Garden."
January 27, 2018
3.5 Stars
This book is so hard to talk about because it operates on two levels and i'm not sure how to comprehend those tiers together. In a literal sense, this book is about a misogynist who objectifies women and uses them for sex, and all of his thoughts reflect that vapid mindset. This is fraught with ableism, fat shaming, slut shaming, and every other problematic facet that can be added to a character, but it's all done to exaggerate how the reader clearly isn't supposed to like the narrator. In a metaphorical sense, I think this book really showcases the cage that masculinity can become. I don't perse think that's what this book was trying to do, but I found that by the end of the book, there was a lot to be said about the life a person lives when they only want to be with women for their bodies and not any sort of emotional bond.
Although this book reads like the main character is a sociopath because of his complete lack of empathy and the barbaristic thoughts he has, the way the back cover describes the book makes me take pause. This is called The Average American Male, so one may read it literally and decide, "yeah, this is how guys think. it's horrible, we need to fix it." Or, opposite, one may read it as hyperbolic, as if the author who penned this main character were a "militant feminist" trying to showcase the depravity of men's psyche (again, this is what the back cover says, not me lol). This book definitely made me think about what the author was trying to do with the main character by giving the audience so much freedom to decide if this book is realistic or not. I didn't even realize until writing this review that the narrator is never given a name, and that's just so powerful to me.
The story is provocative, borderlining obscene. But something about it worked for me. I can only recommend it to people who can read it past its literalness. It was interesting and I wish I had someone to discuss this with, but at the same time, it's so nasty that I also feel like it needs to be pondered in silence hahaha
This book is so hard to talk about because it operates on two levels and i'm not sure how to comprehend those tiers together. In a literal sense, this book is about a misogynist who objectifies women and uses them for sex, and all of his thoughts reflect that vapid mindset. This is fraught with ableism, fat shaming, slut shaming, and every other problematic facet that can be added to a character, but it's all done to exaggerate how the reader clearly isn't supposed to like the narrator. In a metaphorical sense, I think this book really showcases the cage that masculinity can become. I don't perse think that's what this book was trying to do, but I found that by the end of the book, there was a lot to be said about the life a person lives when they only want to be with women for their bodies and not any sort of emotional bond.
Although this book reads like the main character is a sociopath because of his complete lack of empathy and the barbaristic thoughts he has, the way the back cover describes the book makes me take pause. This is called The Average American Male, so one may read it literally and decide, "yeah, this is how guys think. it's horrible, we need to fix it." Or, opposite, one may read it as hyperbolic, as if the author who penned this main character were a "militant feminist" trying to showcase the depravity of men's psyche (again, this is what the back cover says, not me lol). This book definitely made me think about what the author was trying to do with the main character by giving the audience so much freedom to decide if this book is realistic or not. I didn't even realize until writing this review that the narrator is never given a name, and that's just so powerful to me.
The story is provocative, borderlining obscene. But something about it worked for me. I can only recommend it to people who can read it past its literalness. It was interesting and I wish I had someone to discuss this with, but at the same time, it's so nasty that I also feel like it needs to be pondered in silence hahaha
May 15, 2010
Vile, unsympathetic to every female, and completely, unashamedly, and unabashedly, honest.
It's a memoir, in a sense. This guy has never existed, and on the other hand, he is EVERY guy that has ever existed. He's the guy that hates it when people call when he's right in the middle of a game of Halo. He's the guy that downloads so much porn that he has separate folders for different fetishes on his desktop. He's the guy that's completely confused as to why Marie Osmond is famous. We never get his name, but we don't need one.
He is completely and immediately likable (first chapter heading: "Christmas With Parents". First chapter, in its entirety: "Same old bullshit.") He's a 30 something slacker at a dead end "nothing special" job, whose girlfriend is obsessed with everything he isn't. He's bored with everything (except his xbox) and doesn't understand why she doesn't dump him.
The only reason i didn't give this one a full 5, was simply because it didn't have the complexity of The Lie , Chad Kultgen's other, and sadly, only, novel. Where that book had 3 completely separate views of every situation and drama that unfolded in it, this has only one. I'm not saying it gets boring or anything, on the contrary, i loved it and it was a insanely easy read. It was just a bit too simple compared to The Lie . Oh, and the narrator of this book is basically Kyle from The Lie , which, i know this one was released years before, but they were basically the same person. It's not so much as a detriment to this book, more like an observation. Despite his misanthropic and misogynistic personality, Kyle was pretty awesome.
The book isn't particularly depressing, but the ending is. The narrator basically just gives a very bleak look on life and love and makes a very, very, VERY bad decision. But, hey, i knew this wouldn't end well. I'd only read one of his books before and now i know. Chad Kultgen, he doesn't like happy endings. I'm okay with that.
So, if you can't read about sex (and i mean a lot of sex, and every kind of sex you think you know, and all the kinds you don't know) don't read this book. For me, it was really refreshing. Kultgen is just so completely honest. He cuts the bullshit and, well, lets it all hang out. It may not be up to par with The Lie , but its still full with spouts of hilarity, dirty dialogue, and in its own unique way, ends up being touching.
I honestly don't know how his books are getting published, but I'm glad some big company is taking a chance on this guy. I just hope more readers do.
It's a memoir, in a sense. This guy has never existed, and on the other hand, he is EVERY guy that has ever existed. He's the guy that hates it when people call when he's right in the middle of a game of Halo. He's the guy that downloads so much porn that he has separate folders for different fetishes on his desktop. He's the guy that's completely confused as to why Marie Osmond is famous. We never get his name, but we don't need one.
He is completely and immediately likable (first chapter heading: "Christmas With Parents". First chapter, in its entirety: "Same old bullshit.") He's a 30 something slacker at a dead end "nothing special" job, whose girlfriend is obsessed with everything he isn't. He's bored with everything (except his xbox) and doesn't understand why she doesn't dump him.
The only reason i didn't give this one a full 5, was simply because it didn't have the complexity of The Lie , Chad Kultgen's other, and sadly, only, novel. Where that book had 3 completely separate views of every situation and drama that unfolded in it, this has only one. I'm not saying it gets boring or anything, on the contrary, i loved it and it was a insanely easy read. It was just a bit too simple compared to The Lie . Oh, and the narrator of this book is basically Kyle from The Lie , which, i know this one was released years before, but they were basically the same person. It's not so much as a detriment to this book, more like an observation. Despite his misanthropic and misogynistic personality, Kyle was pretty awesome.
The book isn't particularly depressing, but the ending is. The narrator basically just gives a very bleak look on life and love and makes a very, very, VERY bad decision. But, hey, i knew this wouldn't end well. I'd only read one of his books before and now i know. Chad Kultgen, he doesn't like happy endings. I'm okay with that.
So, if you can't read about sex (and i mean a lot of sex, and every kind of sex you think you know, and all the kinds you don't know) don't read this book. For me, it was really refreshing. Kultgen is just so completely honest. He cuts the bullshit and, well, lets it all hang out. It may not be up to par with The Lie , but its still full with spouts of hilarity, dirty dialogue, and in its own unique way, ends up being touching.
I honestly don't know how his books are getting published, but I'm glad some big company is taking a chance on this guy. I just hope more readers do.
April 30, 2008
Holy ass.
This book doesn't even deserve the time I'm about to take to talk about how awful it is. Does this guy really think we've already forgotten about American Psycho after just sixteen years? Replace the violence with more sex, then rewrite the entire thing with no sense of character, voice, description, vocabulary, consistency, intellect, emotion, subtlety, etc., and you get this pathetic excuse for a novel. Christ, the titles are even similar. I actually wouldn't be surprised if Chad Kultgen is really Bret Easton Ellis, considering the fact that Ellis' last two books were horrible, and Kultgen's photo is mysteriously absent on the web. I smell some serious bullshit here. Though, maybe it's this sentence I smell:
"When Casey has her period she refuses to suck my dick and she's very uncomfortable with fucking." I found this by turning to a page at random and typing the first thing I saw. Honestly. Any page, I guarantee, will yield similar results. Wait though, here's something awesome: The chapters (whose titles come basically straight out of American Psycho) are numbered, but sometimes Kultgen doesn't give the chapter an actual number, he just calls it "some chapter." Hilarious! So nihilistic! So existential! So twentysomething blasé! It's so funny, in fact, that the author drops this pitiful little punchline after just two chapters, then again three chapters later, then again three-ish chapters after that, and so on until the book finally comes to its pathetic conclusion. In which, by the way, the protagonist fails to change in any way or come to any sort of revelation about what an asshole he is, but instead remains absolutely static. Every character in here is horribly clichéd and boring and poorly formed and, yes, average. All this unnamed guy does is jerk off to everything, usually like three times a day, and think about/have sex. He plays video games for four hours at a time and doesn't appear to have any responsibility or gainful employment until he mentions 95% of the way through that he "decides to take a long lunch break at work." WTF? In the second to last chapter the tense switches to the past for two sentences, then goes back to present. WTF? The book is horrible horrible horrible. WTF? Seriously, WTF.
Apparently the book wasn't selling well until the pub spent $2500 on these little YouTube shorts, which are appropriately shitty, and now the thing's selling like crazy. http://www.averageamericanmale.com.
NB there's tons of sex in this book, though American Psycho is far more "offensive" in terms of subject matter, and what I'm objecting to here is the way the book's written, the half-assed characters and lazy throw-away phrases, not the subject matter. If I wanted to hear about a dude "shooting probably the biggest load of [his] entire life up [some girl's] ass" every six pages I'd, well, be an idiot.
If I find out that you've read this book and liked it I'm going to come over and punch you.
Then we'll discuss it like human beings, though, because seriously I'd be curious to hear what you had to say.
This book doesn't even deserve the time I'm about to take to talk about how awful it is. Does this guy really think we've already forgotten about American Psycho after just sixteen years? Replace the violence with more sex, then rewrite the entire thing with no sense of character, voice, description, vocabulary, consistency, intellect, emotion, subtlety, etc., and you get this pathetic excuse for a novel. Christ, the titles are even similar. I actually wouldn't be surprised if Chad Kultgen is really Bret Easton Ellis, considering the fact that Ellis' last two books were horrible, and Kultgen's photo is mysteriously absent on the web. I smell some serious bullshit here. Though, maybe it's this sentence I smell:
"When Casey has her period she refuses to suck my dick and she's very uncomfortable with fucking." I found this by turning to a page at random and typing the first thing I saw. Honestly. Any page, I guarantee, will yield similar results. Wait though, here's something awesome: The chapters (whose titles come basically straight out of American Psycho) are numbered, but sometimes Kultgen doesn't give the chapter an actual number, he just calls it "some chapter." Hilarious! So nihilistic! So existential! So twentysomething blasé! It's so funny, in fact, that the author drops this pitiful little punchline after just two chapters, then again three chapters later, then again three-ish chapters after that, and so on until the book finally comes to its pathetic conclusion. In which, by the way, the protagonist fails to change in any way or come to any sort of revelation about what an asshole he is, but instead remains absolutely static. Every character in here is horribly clichéd and boring and poorly formed and, yes, average. All this unnamed guy does is jerk off to everything, usually like three times a day, and think about/have sex. He plays video games for four hours at a time and doesn't appear to have any responsibility or gainful employment until he mentions 95% of the way through that he "decides to take a long lunch break at work." WTF? In the second to last chapter the tense switches to the past for two sentences, then goes back to present. WTF? The book is horrible horrible horrible. WTF? Seriously, WTF.
Apparently the book wasn't selling well until the pub spent $2500 on these little YouTube shorts, which are appropriately shitty, and now the thing's selling like crazy. http://www.averageamericanmale.com.
NB there's tons of sex in this book, though American Psycho is far more "offensive" in terms of subject matter, and what I'm objecting to here is the way the book's written, the half-assed characters and lazy throw-away phrases, not the subject matter. If I wanted to hear about a dude "shooting probably the biggest load of [his] entire life up [some girl's] ass" every six pages I'd, well, be an idiot.
If I find out that you've read this book and liked it I'm going to come over and punch you.
Then we'll discuss it like human beings, though, because seriously I'd be curious to hear what you had to say.
July 8, 2013
A lot of people seem to wholly miss the point of this book, both those (few as they may be here on Goodreads) who like and those who are either indifferent or find it offensive/misogynistic/obnoxious/pornographic/juvenile...etc.
Now I'll admit that this book is highly up for interpretation, and perhaps I'm the one that's misinterpreting what the book is saying, but I don't think I am, at least not wholly. Here's why: this book speaks directly to me, and it doesn't to most people. Despite the title, the narrator is certainly not "average". He is quite specific and his story and its moral are targeted at someone quite specific. I may be ashamed of the fact that I identify with this character, but I do. The difference between he and I, however, is in the choices we make beyond the inherency.
Now let me start off by saying that no, I am not an obnoxious jughead frat brother. In fact, I'm an ardent feminist, so when labels like "misogynistic" are hurled at this, I tread carefully in buying and reading it. However, I don't find this book misogynistic. Yes, it shows hatred towards individual women, but it doesn't level that hatred towards women as a whole. I understand how that criticism can be applied, and to an extent one could say it's valid, but to the same extent it can be said that claims of "a strikeback against militant feminism" are also valid. I wouldn't give much weight to either.
*SPOILER ALERT*
If you want to understand this novel the way it directly speaks to me, and people like myself, re-read the epic breakup scene on Page 116:
"I want to fuck twice a day minimum or at least get my dick sucked. I want you to swallow. I want to butt-fuck you every once in a while and I want you to like it.... I want you to never want to get married or have children."
Sounds like your typical obnoxious, 2-dimensional frat boy, right? I've cut out parts of his rant and only posted the relevant portions: Anal, children, marriage. This is me. I am childfree. I had a vasectomy earlier this year to ensure that I'll never have children I don't want. I'm a self-described marriage abolitionist. The institution of marriage I find to be corrupt, counter-romantic, theocratic, too government intrusive into private affairs of the heart, commercialized, and yes, sexist. That doesn't mean I don't want love and companionship and commitment - as the narrator demonstrated he wants when he actively seeks these things with Alyna - it just means I don't want the authoritarianism, sexism and bankrupcy of the institution.
And anal sex. I am not satisfied by the vagina. It's foreplay. It's mundanity is overwhelming. It is not satisfactory. A very good friend of mine once said "I'm not a cheater, but I understand why men cheat; it's because they're not getting what they need at home." Not to sound cliche, but, I have needs.
But the moral of this story isn't that all men are cheaters. The moral of this story is to put your foot down and demand your needs be satisfied lest you find someone else that will. Re-read the book; he never communicates anything with either Casey or Alyna. When Alyna says she doesn't want marriage or kids, he's so stunned he's silent and just kind of nods along like she'd commented on the weather. When she says how much she loved anal, he just plays it cool, not saying much. Indeed, when she asked him if he'd ever done anal before, he lied and said he hadn't. Communicate with your partner. Let her in, show her who you really are. She's not a mind reader, and she's not going to discern these things from your stoic silence. Quit trying to be average and acknowledge and express your uniqueness.
Indeed, this character could have been me, to a tee, had I not realized this years ago. I had the most the ethereal of hopes that I'd find a woman like Alyna, who doesn't want kids or marriage, and I had argument after argument, skeezy scheme after skeezy scheme, to manipulate a woman into anal. I just have too much respect for women to manipulate them like that. I've learned in life and I've learned from this book just to communicate, and be prepared to cut your losses if she's not the right woman. I can't conspire to align her sexuality with mine, nor can I her plans for her destiny. It's most honest, and most effective, to simply state your needs up front and move on if need be.
Now I'll admit that this book is highly up for interpretation, and perhaps I'm the one that's misinterpreting what the book is saying, but I don't think I am, at least not wholly. Here's why: this book speaks directly to me, and it doesn't to most people. Despite the title, the narrator is certainly not "average". He is quite specific and his story and its moral are targeted at someone quite specific. I may be ashamed of the fact that I identify with this character, but I do. The difference between he and I, however, is in the choices we make beyond the inherency.
Now let me start off by saying that no, I am not an obnoxious jughead frat brother. In fact, I'm an ardent feminist, so when labels like "misogynistic" are hurled at this, I tread carefully in buying and reading it. However, I don't find this book misogynistic. Yes, it shows hatred towards individual women, but it doesn't level that hatred towards women as a whole. I understand how that criticism can be applied, and to an extent one could say it's valid, but to the same extent it can be said that claims of "a strikeback against militant feminism" are also valid. I wouldn't give much weight to either.
*SPOILER ALERT*
If you want to understand this novel the way it directly speaks to me, and people like myself, re-read the epic breakup scene on Page 116:
"I want to fuck twice a day minimum or at least get my dick sucked. I want you to swallow. I want to butt-fuck you every once in a while and I want you to like it.... I want you to never want to get married or have children."
Sounds like your typical obnoxious, 2-dimensional frat boy, right? I've cut out parts of his rant and only posted the relevant portions: Anal, children, marriage. This is me. I am childfree. I had a vasectomy earlier this year to ensure that I'll never have children I don't want. I'm a self-described marriage abolitionist. The institution of marriage I find to be corrupt, counter-romantic, theocratic, too government intrusive into private affairs of the heart, commercialized, and yes, sexist. That doesn't mean I don't want love and companionship and commitment - as the narrator demonstrated he wants when he actively seeks these things with Alyna - it just means I don't want the authoritarianism, sexism and bankrupcy of the institution.
And anal sex. I am not satisfied by the vagina. It's foreplay. It's mundanity is overwhelming. It is not satisfactory. A very good friend of mine once said "I'm not a cheater, but I understand why men cheat; it's because they're not getting what they need at home." Not to sound cliche, but, I have needs.
But the moral of this story isn't that all men are cheaters. The moral of this story is to put your foot down and demand your needs be satisfied lest you find someone else that will. Re-read the book; he never communicates anything with either Casey or Alyna. When Alyna says she doesn't want marriage or kids, he's so stunned he's silent and just kind of nods along like she'd commented on the weather. When she says how much she loved anal, he just plays it cool, not saying much. Indeed, when she asked him if he'd ever done anal before, he lied and said he hadn't. Communicate with your partner. Let her in, show her who you really are. She's not a mind reader, and she's not going to discern these things from your stoic silence. Quit trying to be average and acknowledge and express your uniqueness.
Indeed, this character could have been me, to a tee, had I not realized this years ago. I had the most the ethereal of hopes that I'd find a woman like Alyna, who doesn't want kids or marriage, and I had argument after argument, skeezy scheme after skeezy scheme, to manipulate a woman into anal. I just have too much respect for women to manipulate them like that. I've learned in life and I've learned from this book just to communicate, and be prepared to cut your losses if she's not the right woman. I can't conspire to align her sexuality with mine, nor can I her plans for her destiny. It's most honest, and most effective, to simply state your needs up front and move on if need be.
May 2, 2008
I literally vomited on the book! No joke!!
It's actually a great story. My lesbo neighbor lent my lesbro friend and I this book and I took several months to try to read it. One day I got alcohol poisoning and spewed off the side of my bed and onto the cum- white cover of this novel! The next morning I found dried up puke encrusted onto The American American Male and had a great, good laugh! How perfect was it that I spewed on this book; I can't really make this stuff up and I don't really need to review it any further!? I did sanitize the book and eventually returned it to my neighbor, unfinished.
This book blows but not in an enjoyable way like a blow-job. It's all the rage at Urban Outfitters and I tried to finish it on a dare and for a potential JP book club. I gave it two stars because it's definitely titalating at first, like a car crash of naked dead people, however the sexual fantasies tend to be on the side of evil and boring. It's basically about a gross misogynist guy that grimly makes fun of every woman, hates and cheats on his girlfriend, hates the band No Doubt, plays video games all the time, and jacks off an exaggerated amount of times. The guy secretly hates his girlfriend because he doesn't like her fat ass.
I can appreciate that we all have dark sides, especially; self-serving, spoiled, ignorant, mass-media-soaked, hate-filled dudes, and we all sometimes think mean thoughts, even about our own partners. I am supposed to learn something or be warned by this shock jock author, but the humor is sparse. And I am filled with enough hate myself and I don't need to read some fake book about hate.
Yes, yes men are pigs; I get it. And I forget if the guy's new piece of ass runs away, or if he runs, because he is afraid of commitment. But this book is a train wreck as the character is not even very believable. What kind of person, that is not a complete psycho, instead of the supposed average American male, would scream at his girlfriend's mom about how he explicitly cheats on and hates her daughter and thinks her daughter should get a bloody abortion etc.? Psychology 101 tells us that this guy was probably beaten and neglected by his own mother to hate women this intensely but there is no mention of motives in this fiction. And what kind of girl tries to get back involved with this sociopath? Again, no motives, just extreme drama.
Finally, why is this an average American guy thing and
why doesn't this book just be about mental illness instead?
Oi.
It's actually a great story. My lesbo neighbor lent my lesbro friend and I this book and I took several months to try to read it. One day I got alcohol poisoning and spewed off the side of my bed and onto the cum- white cover of this novel! The next morning I found dried up puke encrusted onto The American American Male and had a great, good laugh! How perfect was it that I spewed on this book; I can't really make this stuff up and I don't really need to review it any further!? I did sanitize the book and eventually returned it to my neighbor, unfinished.
This book blows but not in an enjoyable way like a blow-job. It's all the rage at Urban Outfitters and I tried to finish it on a dare and for a potential JP book club. I gave it two stars because it's definitely titalating at first, like a car crash of naked dead people, however the sexual fantasies tend to be on the side of evil and boring. It's basically about a gross misogynist guy that grimly makes fun of every woman, hates and cheats on his girlfriend, hates the band No Doubt, plays video games all the time, and jacks off an exaggerated amount of times. The guy secretly hates his girlfriend because he doesn't like her fat ass.
I can appreciate that we all have dark sides, especially; self-serving, spoiled, ignorant, mass-media-soaked, hate-filled dudes, and we all sometimes think mean thoughts, even about our own partners. I am supposed to learn something or be warned by this shock jock author, but the humor is sparse. And I am filled with enough hate myself and I don't need to read some fake book about hate.
Yes, yes men are pigs; I get it. And I forget if the guy's new piece of ass runs away, or if he runs, because he is afraid of commitment. But this book is a train wreck as the character is not even very believable. What kind of person, that is not a complete psycho, instead of the supposed average American male, would scream at his girlfriend's mom about how he explicitly cheats on and hates her daughter and thinks her daughter should get a bloody abortion etc.? Psychology 101 tells us that this guy was probably beaten and neglected by his own mother to hate women this intensely but there is no mention of motives in this fiction. And what kind of girl tries to get back involved with this sociopath? Again, no motives, just extreme drama.
Finally, why is this an average American guy thing and
why doesn't this book just be about mental illness instead?
Oi.
June 25, 2008
I read this book in 2 sittings at a nearby Barnes and Noble. The writing is that light and disposable. It is also completely obscene, misogynist, heavy-handed and at times, spot on. Depending on your sensitivities, you might really enjoy this look into the most base and obvious tendencies of the "Average American Male." You might also be revolted. Either way, don't spend any money on it - you can knock this thing out in hour and a half at a book store.
August 4, 2011
I didn't love this book. I didn't hate it either, but I couldn't stop reading it.
That's not to say that it was so great that I couldn't put it down. I read it on an Ipod and the pages were barely a paragraph long, so it was easy to rip through. There weren't many insights to stop and reflect on, and there were no passages that made me stop to contemplate how I might adapt the stylistic renderings of the author. This book read like one of those late-night television shows that you watch because nothing else is on, and then, much to your amazement, you actually start to like it.
Was the book validating? Yes. Not because I read it and thought "wow, somebody out there actually thinks like I do," but because I read it and thought, "shit. I guess I'm not so bad after all." Of course, I'm a three-dimensional character crafted by my surroundings. I have insecurities, fears and a conscience. I empathize with people, sometimes to the point that can be unhealthy for me. Kultgen's character has/does none of these things. As such, the protagonist doesn't develop much.
Did the book move me on an emotional level? Whenever Casey's mother came into the picture, yes. I hated her, so kudos to Kultgen for giving me that.
But despite all the things I take issue with in this book, I come back to the fact that I couldn't put it down. I didn't care about the protagonist much. I didn't find the writing that appealing. I was hoping for some insight, like maybe why the character thinks the way he does. Hell, I wouldn't have settled for a brief explanation as to why some microwavable popcorn is only 94% fat free while other brands are close to 99% fat free (I guess I'll have to tackle that one in my next book). I kept reading anyway.
Some people will tell you that there's no time in one's life to read a book you don't love. I disagree. Growing up in the middle of nowhere, I read a lot of books I didn't love. I watched a lot of television I didn't particularly care for because there was nothing else on. Sometimes you want something that's just a little more engaging than the white noise, or at least I do. And this book delivered.
That's not to say that it was so great that I couldn't put it down. I read it on an Ipod and the pages were barely a paragraph long, so it was easy to rip through. There weren't many insights to stop and reflect on, and there were no passages that made me stop to contemplate how I might adapt the stylistic renderings of the author. This book read like one of those late-night television shows that you watch because nothing else is on, and then, much to your amazement, you actually start to like it.
Was the book validating? Yes. Not because I read it and thought "wow, somebody out there actually thinks like I do," but because I read it and thought, "shit. I guess I'm not so bad after all." Of course, I'm a three-dimensional character crafted by my surroundings. I have insecurities, fears and a conscience. I empathize with people, sometimes to the point that can be unhealthy for me. Kultgen's character has/does none of these things. As such, the protagonist doesn't develop much.
Did the book move me on an emotional level? Whenever Casey's mother came into the picture, yes. I hated her, so kudos to Kultgen for giving me that.
But despite all the things I take issue with in this book, I come back to the fact that I couldn't put it down. I didn't care about the protagonist much. I didn't find the writing that appealing. I was hoping for some insight, like maybe why the character thinks the way he does. Hell, I wouldn't have settled for a brief explanation as to why some microwavable popcorn is only 94% fat free while other brands are close to 99% fat free (I guess I'll have to tackle that one in my next book). I kept reading anyway.
Some people will tell you that there's no time in one's life to read a book you don't love. I disagree. Growing up in the middle of nowhere, I read a lot of books I didn't love. I watched a lot of television I didn't particularly care for because there was nothing else on. Sometimes you want something that's just a little more engaging than the white noise, or at least I do. And this book delivered.
June 22, 2008
funny book if you're a guy. if you're a female reader, you might not get the subtle humor of an oversexed 20 something video game player...oh well, you can always join oprah's book club instead.
July 25, 2019
Oh my God, women and marriage, am I right fellas? It's just blah blah blah marriage this, and blah blah blah babies that. It's like, come on! Just let us play video games and jack off 26 times a day to internet porn! And don't you just hate how they like shitty music? No Doubt is just the worst band ever, am I right? And have you ever noticed how they slip in the word 'like' into every other sentence, even when they're crying about how you dumped them? So annoying. Yeah, women pretty much suck...
...is more or less the main point of this piece of shit "novel" by Chad Kultgen. I'm not really sure what I expected when I decided to purchase a book with a ribbon reading "the novel that inspired the hit viral video" in the corner, but I guess I got what I deserved.
The book grabbed my attention with the first chapter, which was titled, "Christmas with My Parents" and was, in its entirety: "Same old shit." I liked that. And, truth be told, this book might've made for a decent short story. It could have made its point and been raw and edgy and engaging without overstaying its welcome (maybe that's why the 30 second viral videos were such a "hit", despite the fact that they sucked and weren't at all funny).
The problem is, there's really no plot of which to speak. Basically, it's about this guy, with some unimportant job that he goes out of his way to not disclose to the reader, or anyone else for that matter, who loves jacking off to internet porn and fantasies about girls he sees at the mall, and he's got a girlfriend, but she sucks, so he breaks up with her, but then in the end it turns out all girls are exactly the same so whatevs.
The characters are terrible. Just awful. To call them paper-thin would be an insult to the many paper-thin characters in real books the world over. Every woman is marriage and baby crazy, every guy is a borderline sociopathic horndog, and I don't recall there being any animals, but I'm quite confident that if there were they'd all be pathetic stereotypes as well (a dog that loves to bury bones and bark, a pig that eats a lot and rolls around in mud, perhaps?).
The sad thing is, there are kernels of truth in there, if you squint. I definitely found myself nodding knowingly to a handful of sentences scattered throughout. Kultgen had a provocative idea, but just wasn't creative or talented enough to make something worthwhile out of it. Instead, he writes like Tucker Max's inbred cousin, lustily using naughty words in a flippant manner to make himself seem edgy, but it all ends up having the opposite effect. Kultgen wants so much to seem that it's all no big deal, but he instead ends up looking like someone's 45 year old mom wearing a mini-skirt to a trendy nightclub. He wants so badly to impress us, but look like he's not trying at all, and he fails miserably. It's a quick, easy read, but it's not shocking or edgy--it's mostly just boring.
...is more or less the main point of this piece of shit "novel" by Chad Kultgen. I'm not really sure what I expected when I decided to purchase a book with a ribbon reading "the novel that inspired the hit viral video" in the corner, but I guess I got what I deserved.
The book grabbed my attention with the first chapter, which was titled, "Christmas with My Parents" and was, in its entirety: "Same old shit." I liked that. And, truth be told, this book might've made for a decent short story. It could have made its point and been raw and edgy and engaging without overstaying its welcome (maybe that's why the 30 second viral videos were such a "hit", despite the fact that they sucked and weren't at all funny).
The problem is, there's really no plot of which to speak. Basically, it's about this guy, with some unimportant job that he goes out of his way to not disclose to the reader, or anyone else for that matter, who loves jacking off to internet porn and fantasies about girls he sees at the mall, and he's got a girlfriend, but she sucks, so he breaks up with her, but then in the end it turns out all girls are exactly the same so whatevs.
The characters are terrible. Just awful. To call them paper-thin would be an insult to the many paper-thin characters in real books the world over. Every woman is marriage and baby crazy, every guy is a borderline sociopathic horndog, and I don't recall there being any animals, but I'm quite confident that if there were they'd all be pathetic stereotypes as well (a dog that loves to bury bones and bark, a pig that eats a lot and rolls around in mud, perhaps?).
The sad thing is, there are kernels of truth in there, if you squint. I definitely found myself nodding knowingly to a handful of sentences scattered throughout. Kultgen had a provocative idea, but just wasn't creative or talented enough to make something worthwhile out of it. Instead, he writes like Tucker Max's inbred cousin, lustily using naughty words in a flippant manner to make himself seem edgy, but it all ends up having the opposite effect. Kultgen wants so much to seem that it's all no big deal, but he instead ends up looking like someone's 45 year old mom wearing a mini-skirt to a trendy nightclub. He wants so badly to impress us, but look like he's not trying at all, and he fails miserably. It's a quick, easy read, but it's not shocking or edgy--it's mostly just boring.
November 11, 2011
It's really intelligent to keep us unsuspecting of the "philosophical view" till the very end. I followed the hollow lives of the characters with true sadness, and when the pointlessness is revealed it all makes sense.
In his unique rebellious way, Mr. Kultgen sharply illustrates the banality of young women today, and the succumbing and numbing of young men.
But it's not all maudlin and tears. Mr.K wakes us up with shock therapy. He is a hard judge, thus the hard language. He takes no prisoners. He's a "holler philosopher"; no sermons, just facts in your face. You'll think I'm crazy, but I find Average Amer. Male. subtle. Fine literature is hidden behind what seems to be trashy language and lots of sex.
I usually compare authors and their works, so here it'll have to be J R Allison's Liar. They are both pointing out the same thing, and shocking us to the knowledge. Only one difference. Mr. J.R. is making a mockery of it all, and Mr. K seems to feel more keenly the artist's doom.
In his unique rebellious way, Mr. Kultgen sharply illustrates the banality of young women today, and the succumbing and numbing of young men.
But it's not all maudlin and tears. Mr.K wakes us up with shock therapy. He is a hard judge, thus the hard language. He takes no prisoners. He's a "holler philosopher"; no sermons, just facts in your face. You'll think I'm crazy, but I find Average Amer. Male. subtle. Fine literature is hidden behind what seems to be trashy language and lots of sex.
I usually compare authors and their works, so here it'll have to be J R Allison's Liar. They are both pointing out the same thing, and shocking us to the knowledge. Only one difference. Mr. J.R. is making a mockery of it all, and Mr. K seems to feel more keenly the artist's doom.
January 4, 2018
Ugh. Bleck. I feel gross that I even entertained this book. However, I am giving it 3 stars because it hooked me enough to make me finish it, it made me laugh a few times with the offensive humor (before it grew extremely old and tired), and it gave an interesting insight not into the average American male, but the average American fuqboi. #byefelipe
March 18, 2008
This is a really funny and purposely offensive stream-of-consciousness look into a few months in the life of a "typical" young man, as seen through his eyes. I read this at the bookstore; oddly enough it was recommended by a female via her Barnes and Noble "employee picks" card on the bookshelf, with the review "Not, I repeat, NOT for children." The mind of the narrator is obnoxious, sex-obsessed, and profane, but eventually you get used to it, it levels off, and then certain lines just seem to jump out and make you laugh. Highlights for me were whenever he was involved in some conversation with his girlfriend he really wanted no part of and would think of ways to get out of it, like faking a stroke and total amnesia so he could pretend to not remember the entire relationship, another uncomfortable situation resulted in the thought, "I wonder what the odds of a terrorist strike at the mall at this exact moment are," and yet another chapter had him considering shitting his pants so he could end lunch with his girlfriend's mother early. Let me ruin another part for you, after meeting some girls at a bar, he notes, "This confirms my long-held theory that there are two kinds of Asian women: nymphomaniacs and corpses." Then he describes a poster of Gwen Steffani by saying, "She is punching and kicking at nothing, to show her individual style of rebellion." I was paraphrasing there. Anyways, it was really not-nice humor and a really fast read. As for the debate concerning the asshole main character, "Is this really what goes on in the average American male's head, or is it satirical?" my answer is who gives a fuck, it's just a book.
October 7, 2015
Lots of guys likely gave this minimal stars because they don't want the females in their lives to know how close to the truth this book hits. Inside the head of a large portion of the male populace.
November 25, 2009
Average American Male sucks. It's okay to be shallow and stupid. God knows I am. But don't hold your shit out for other people to admire like a monkey at the zoo. It's not that my shit doesn't stink. Everybody's does. I don't want the smell of yours in addition to mine.
AAM is such an spineless novel because the protagonist refuses to be ethical about his decisions. Any asshole who reads it and says "What a great novel! That's exactly how I feel!" Is a twat. Hate your girlfriend? Break up with her. Want variety in your sex life? Discuss it with your partners.
If you're a fuckwit, don't roll in it. Act like you have thumbs. Try to figure out how to be better.
AAM is such an spineless novel because the protagonist refuses to be ethical about his decisions. Any asshole who reads it and says "What a great novel! That's exactly how I feel!" Is a twat. Hate your girlfriend? Break up with her. Want variety in your sex life? Discuss it with your partners.
If you're a fuckwit, don't roll in it. Act like you have thumbs. Try to figure out how to be better.
August 23, 2008
This novel is a fascinating and clearly controversial broadside to political correctness and the cherished illusions so many people hold regarding the difference between the sexes. The book follows the life of a nameless protagonist as he has sex with several different women in a variety of ways, goes through relationship issues with girlfriends, and discusses the vagaries of sex with a number of friends, both gay and straight.
The most interesting aspect of the book is the main character's remorseless obsession with sex. He apparently views women only in terms of their ability to give him the thing that he wants, the thing that he must have over and over again and will do almost anything to get. All other aspects of the relationships he has with women are simply stumbling blocks, hoops to jump through, in order to secure the final goal. And once this goal is complete, the chase begins again.
This all may seem very simple, but a deeper look reveals that there is more complexity at the heart of the book than the descriptions of pornography, mental images, and sexual acts. There is a deliberate stripping down of a character taking place here, and it is done in a way that illustrates the subtle power of the best fiction.
We know, for example, that the main character has a job that he must go to. It is never mentioned, except briefly in passing. We know that he had a childhood and parents who are still present in his life. Ditto for them. We know that he has a name. But it is never revealed.
In short, by purposefully omitting these important factors that are a part of anyone's life, the book reveals itself to be a story of only one facet of a man's life, not of the man altogether. It is as if a story were to be written from the point of view of greed only, or of jealousy, or of anger, or of fear.
By extricating this one important aspect of the typical male thought process, the author allows us to examine it in detail, like a bug beneath a magnifying glass. From the point of view of how men are supposed to feel these days, many people will view it as completely disgusting. However, leaving aside how we should feel and think about the behavior described, and just examining the behavior itself, a startling purity is revealed, as well as a kind of innocence.
The main character seems to be willing to allow almost anything to happen to him, as long as sex comes out in the end. In this way he allows himself to be manipulated, and is somehow forever coming out unhappy. This is because other people, or at least the women in the book, are aware of that power, and they use it. He is almost like some kind of simplistic animal, neither good nor bad, but just desiring one thing which everyone is only willing to give to him in exchange for the semblance (not the real thing, mind you) of actually caring about them in some deep emotional way.
When you compare the purity and simplicity of the main character's desire with the subterfuge employed by the other characters, it really makes you question who, exactly, is the "better" person. If there is such a thing.
Anyone who wants to think about this book seriously would do well to read Tolstoy's "The Kreutzer Sonata." That short story (actually more of a philosophical treatise) describes what, in Tolstoy's view, lies at the heart of so much of the trouble in marriages. In short, Tolstoy describes us as living in a kind of triplicate deception carried out simultaneously by men, by women, and by society as a whole. Until we fully face the differences between men and women, and actually do something about them, Tolstoy seems to say, the two will perpetually be at war.
Whether this war is obvious, or being waged beneath the surface, is a question that different ages must answer differently. But "The Average American Male" brings some parts of at least one side of the argument to the forefront, and for that reason it deserves to be read, and discussed, by anyone interested in this issue.
The most interesting aspect of the book is the main character's remorseless obsession with sex. He apparently views women only in terms of their ability to give him the thing that he wants, the thing that he must have over and over again and will do almost anything to get. All other aspects of the relationships he has with women are simply stumbling blocks, hoops to jump through, in order to secure the final goal. And once this goal is complete, the chase begins again.
This all may seem very simple, but a deeper look reveals that there is more complexity at the heart of the book than the descriptions of pornography, mental images, and sexual acts. There is a deliberate stripping down of a character taking place here, and it is done in a way that illustrates the subtle power of the best fiction.
We know, for example, that the main character has a job that he must go to. It is never mentioned, except briefly in passing. We know that he had a childhood and parents who are still present in his life. Ditto for them. We know that he has a name. But it is never revealed.
In short, by purposefully omitting these important factors that are a part of anyone's life, the book reveals itself to be a story of only one facet of a man's life, not of the man altogether. It is as if a story were to be written from the point of view of greed only, or of jealousy, or of anger, or of fear.
By extricating this one important aspect of the typical male thought process, the author allows us to examine it in detail, like a bug beneath a magnifying glass. From the point of view of how men are supposed to feel these days, many people will view it as completely disgusting. However, leaving aside how we should feel and think about the behavior described, and just examining the behavior itself, a startling purity is revealed, as well as a kind of innocence.
The main character seems to be willing to allow almost anything to happen to him, as long as sex comes out in the end. In this way he allows himself to be manipulated, and is somehow forever coming out unhappy. This is because other people, or at least the women in the book, are aware of that power, and they use it. He is almost like some kind of simplistic animal, neither good nor bad, but just desiring one thing which everyone is only willing to give to him in exchange for the semblance (not the real thing, mind you) of actually caring about them in some deep emotional way.
When you compare the purity and simplicity of the main character's desire with the subterfuge employed by the other characters, it really makes you question who, exactly, is the "better" person. If there is such a thing.
Anyone who wants to think about this book seriously would do well to read Tolstoy's "The Kreutzer Sonata." That short story (actually more of a philosophical treatise) describes what, in Tolstoy's view, lies at the heart of so much of the trouble in marriages. In short, Tolstoy describes us as living in a kind of triplicate deception carried out simultaneously by men, by women, and by society as a whole. Until we fully face the differences between men and women, and actually do something about them, Tolstoy seems to say, the two will perpetually be at war.
Whether this war is obvious, or being waged beneath the surface, is a question that different ages must answer differently. But "The Average American Male" brings some parts of at least one side of the argument to the forefront, and for that reason it deserves to be read, and discussed, by anyone interested in this issue.
June 4, 2012
*spoilers*
The Average American Male is a funny book through a through, written from the point of view of a man we never learn the name of. Which is kinda the point. He's supposed to be average, anyone, even if he isn't. He's supposed to be something men can recognize to some point; a gamer, a frat guy, someone with an anal fetish, someone who's stuck in a relationship with someone he just doesn't love anymore. Not every man is like this, but it's something that keeps occurring.
Just like not every woman is a manipulative bitch who tries to trap their boyfriend by getting knocked up. But it happens. In this case, it happens. Looking through the reviews, I see people might not get the point of this book. Or maybe I'm the one who's interpreting it wrong. What I see is someone who doesn't feel happy in a relationship because the sex isn't good enough and because they want different things. It's perfectly normal to not want to get married or have kids.
If you trap a rat and put heat on it, it's going to start digging and crawling to get away. The male character (whom I'm going to call "John" from now on) does somewhat the same. He starts looking around, just like most people do in unhappy relationships. He thinks he finds happiness in a new girl, but like a lot of women, she starts out great (loves sex, doesn’t want marriage/kids, and experiments with anal) and turns for the worse. Basically, she turns into his ex.
The Average American Male, for me, shows the hypocrisy and manipulative ways which so often are rooted in women. I'm not saying "John" is without fault. Far from it. He cheats, he tricks, he lies, but we're used to reading that the man is in the wrong. Women love blaming their boyfriends for everything (again, not everyone, but many) when most of the time, they're just as much at fault in their own heartache.
Now, I read this when I was 17 (and I'm a girl) and I loved it. It made me laugh so hard people looked at me weird - and I finished it in a day. It just drew me in. I loved reading it from "the other side" of things, but I wouldn't recommend this to anyone who can't stomach reading about sex, the annoyance of being cut off from playing Halo, and having your porn systemized so neatly that you can relocate your favorite clips under a minute. I wouldn't call this a literary masterpiece, but it's good. It's well-written and controversial. You get your hopes up and have them torn down - because Kultgen just doesn't do happy ending. "John" is someone you hate and love at the same time. Like when you start liking the bad guy in a TV-show or a movie. You have to like him. When he meets the new girl, you cheer for them to make it. When he breaks up with his ex, you applaud his speech. When he has to drive her and her mother home, you feel the same level of awkwardness as he does.
This is nothing short of awesome. Truly. A great laugh on a rainy day.
The Average American Male is a funny book through a through, written from the point of view of a man we never learn the name of. Which is kinda the point. He's supposed to be average, anyone, even if he isn't. He's supposed to be something men can recognize to some point; a gamer, a frat guy, someone with an anal fetish, someone who's stuck in a relationship with someone he just doesn't love anymore. Not every man is like this, but it's something that keeps occurring.
Just like not every woman is a manipulative bitch who tries to trap their boyfriend by getting knocked up. But it happens. In this case, it happens. Looking through the reviews, I see people might not get the point of this book. Or maybe I'm the one who's interpreting it wrong. What I see is someone who doesn't feel happy in a relationship because the sex isn't good enough and because they want different things. It's perfectly normal to not want to get married or have kids.
If you trap a rat and put heat on it, it's going to start digging and crawling to get away. The male character (whom I'm going to call "John" from now on) does somewhat the same. He starts looking around, just like most people do in unhappy relationships. He thinks he finds happiness in a new girl, but like a lot of women, she starts out great (loves sex, doesn’t want marriage/kids, and experiments with anal) and turns for the worse. Basically, she turns into his ex.
The Average American Male, for me, shows the hypocrisy and manipulative ways which so often are rooted in women. I'm not saying "John" is without fault. Far from it. He cheats, he tricks, he lies, but we're used to reading that the man is in the wrong. Women love blaming their boyfriends for everything (again, not everyone, but many) when most of the time, they're just as much at fault in their own heartache.
Now, I read this when I was 17 (and I'm a girl) and I loved it. It made me laugh so hard people looked at me weird - and I finished it in a day. It just drew me in. I loved reading it from "the other side" of things, but I wouldn't recommend this to anyone who can't stomach reading about sex, the annoyance of being cut off from playing Halo, and having your porn systemized so neatly that you can relocate your favorite clips under a minute. I wouldn't call this a literary masterpiece, but it's good. It's well-written and controversial. You get your hopes up and have them torn down - because Kultgen just doesn't do happy ending. "John" is someone you hate and love at the same time. Like when you start liking the bad guy in a TV-show or a movie. You have to like him. When he meets the new girl, you cheer for them to make it. When he breaks up with his ex, you applaud his speech. When he has to drive her and her mother home, you feel the same level of awkwardness as he does.
This is nothing short of awesome. Truly. A great laugh on a rainy day.
December 2, 2014
Kultgen's sex-filled stream of consciousness style is completely unfiltered and painfully honest. I can see how people might be offended at this, but I found it amusing. From the barrage of graphic sexual fantasies to the over simplified, one word descriptors he gives to the characters he meets, Kultgen's main character lays out all the awful, blunt thoughts that we all keep inside. This book made me laugh with its biting look at the private observations people make about everyone they come in contact with.
The main character endlessly complains about his dull conformist girlfriends and at the end of the book he observes that all women become the same in their desires. While this observation is true to its character, it forces the reader to pity him because for all the character's sex-obsessed desires and actions, he forgot to notice the brain activity in any of the women he meets.
The main character endlessly complains about his dull conformist girlfriends and at the end of the book he observes that all women become the same in their desires. While this observation is true to its character, it forces the reader to pity him because for all the character's sex-obsessed desires and actions, he forgot to notice the brain activity in any of the women he meets.
November 19, 2020
Outrageously offensive but wonderfully so. Crass, cruel and explicit but with a hilariously crude sense of humor. The book reads like the journal of a sex obsessed boy next door and his brutally honest take-no-prisoners point of view. It’s shallow, satirical fantasy but with an interesting perspective on the way the male mind works. It’s pure filth but highly entertaining. I enjoyed every second of it.. I’m not so sure I care to admit that but I think, perhaps, that might be the whole point.
July 26, 2016
I'm curious about your opinion concerning brilliant people. Can brilliant people see art in places that the rest of us reject? Let's say some brilliant professor decided to "teach" Twilight, for example. (I have not read that book myself, but I am basing this discussion on the popular opinion that it is not a good book. If you disagree-- if you're brilliant, or if you think we're all being snobs, then substitute a different book into this discussion). Do you think that he could read in to it, find some theme, some thread, something that shows, through careful explication, some real depth and artistry?
I don't know. I do believe that most self-named "scholars" do exactly the above, and if they were told that Twilight was actually written by Saul Bellow, they'd find a way to show you how brilliant they were by showing you how brilliant Twilight is. So it's not a question of whether that happens, its just a question of whether you think beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. Or, is beauty truth and thus truth beauty.
I ask because I read The Average American Male and I found nothing much redeeming about it. Halfway through the book I was so ready to enjoy the main character's punishment by the hoisting via a petard he'd made himself. A bed he'd built and now must sleep in. But he didn't, and it's not that I was dissatisfied, it was just that I didn't see the point of it all. To call the main character a misogynist is like calling Orson Wells fat. It might be true, but it hardly describes him.
And yet, what else is he, this average American male, except someone who thinks about, has, or prepares to have sex during almost every waking moment. When he's not getting some or trying to get some he's either taking matters into his own hands, or thinking about doing so. If this is average, I am ashamed to say I never achieved that average of several ejaculations per day for weeks on end.
The book is set in L.A. and has almost but not quite the same tone as a Bret Easton Ellis in the 90s. The book is mostly about sex and has almost but not quite the same feel as a Nicholson Baker in the 90s. And this is where I'm curious about the whole "brilliant people see art everywhere" thing. I mean, I'm not saying I'm brilliant, I'm just wondering if there's someone out there who is who can tell me "what you've gleaned re: Ellis and Baker is, actually, woefully off the mark, son. Maple-syrup soaked pancakes may have the same name as maple-cured bacon, but they don't taste anything alike."
I'm not sure who I could recommend this book too. Maybe people who think they like to read but secretly don't, who want to hold up a weathered tome and try to defend it and fail but feel like they should at least get credit for trying. You know, people who don't like being stereotyped but actually probably deserve to be. In other words: average American males.
I don't know. I do believe that most self-named "scholars" do exactly the above, and if they were told that Twilight was actually written by Saul Bellow, they'd find a way to show you how brilliant they were by showing you how brilliant Twilight is. So it's not a question of whether that happens, its just a question of whether you think beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. Or, is beauty truth and thus truth beauty.
I ask because I read The Average American Male and I found nothing much redeeming about it. Halfway through the book I was so ready to enjoy the main character's punishment by the hoisting via a petard he'd made himself. A bed he'd built and now must sleep in. But he didn't, and it's not that I was dissatisfied, it was just that I didn't see the point of it all. To call the main character a misogynist is like calling Orson Wells fat. It might be true, but it hardly describes him.
And yet, what else is he, this average American male, except someone who thinks about, has, or prepares to have sex during almost every waking moment. When he's not getting some or trying to get some he's either taking matters into his own hands, or thinking about doing so. If this is average, I am ashamed to say I never achieved that average of several ejaculations per day for weeks on end.
The book is set in L.A. and has almost but not quite the same tone as a Bret Easton Ellis in the 90s. The book is mostly about sex and has almost but not quite the same feel as a Nicholson Baker in the 90s. And this is where I'm curious about the whole "brilliant people see art everywhere" thing. I mean, I'm not saying I'm brilliant, I'm just wondering if there's someone out there who is who can tell me "what you've gleaned re: Ellis and Baker is, actually, woefully off the mark, son. Maple-syrup soaked pancakes may have the same name as maple-cured bacon, but they don't taste anything alike."
I'm not sure who I could recommend this book too. Maybe people who think they like to read but secretly don't, who want to hold up a weathered tome and try to defend it and fail but feel like they should at least get credit for trying. You know, people who don't like being stereotyped but actually probably deserve to be. In other words: average American males.
January 21, 2012
The Average American Male follows a nameless character around Los Angeles, as he thinks with one part of his body from the first page of Chapter Two until the final page of the book. He spends most of the book chasing that woman on the airplane, Alyna, while basically running from his long-term girlfriend, Casey. Well then, what happens in Chapter One? Each chapter is titled and, if the titles aren't setting the scene or the mood, they're a clever quip about what you're going to be reading. "Christmas with Mom and Dad" sums up where the narrator is preparing to fly home from, and the first chapter sets up the rest of this story better than any book I've ever read. Chapter One is one sentence long. "Same old bullshit."
Whether the visit with mom and dad was a nonsensical waste of time spent watching the clock until it was time to run for the airport gates is unclear, because as you progress from chapter to chapter, the first page of this story continues to ring true. If you aren't reading about the things that the main character has done to women, you're reading what he would be doing to various women that he sees as he walks the streets of L.A. This leaves the main character standing alone in the rain, looking into the sky, trying to figure out how he can stick his member in a cloud's ass, rather than screaming at god, questioning why he's such a flat character. Seriously, that's about it. He thinks with his penis, and that's the story.
To The Average American Male's benefit, the language is short, amusing, and timely, allowing for the pages to progress along at a rather painless pace. And the narrator is a witty, sarcastic, ass, allowing for his inner-thoughts to entertain you, as he thinks up graphic ways to punish his girlfriend while she's being obnoxious. However the possibility that you're reading someone's blog just out of college, still attempting to relive those nights in the fraternity is, more and to the point, a higher probability than someone sitting at home saying, "I want to write a book about this guy..." No one wants to write a book about this guy. He's a one-note superficial misogynist and his only redeeming quality is that he willingly gives to the poor and homeless.
Release Date: March 13, 2007
Order: HERE
Official Website: HERE
June 12, 2016
Stayed up into the wee hours of the morning to finish this. It's garbage in the form of a book, but I couldn't put it down. Absolutely disgusting.
August 2, 2025
So funny. Really sounds like a diary, like what a weird start to write about some gross bitch eating yogurt at the airport. A guy named Chad and reading w/ a half-mad tone, eye-screwing strangers and cursing like a teen, it’s all too fitting. Like a poorer, less motivated Patrick Bateman. Gym. Dragged around a mall and into daytime TV conversations by holes. Autistic. Endless aggressive fantisizing. Being jealous of gays who can be sluts 24/7.
Faking liking Tori Amos to get bitches. Putting boob enhancement pills in his GF's shakes like Peggy Hill put roids in Hank's steak. Perusing eBay for vid games. Accidentally getting engaged and resentful of it. Cheating w/ cheaters. Lol, the phrase "pukes out a laugh," blaming farts on his potential MIL. Jizzing in shampoo bottles. Meeting Gwen Stefani.
A li'l too long. Ending a bit of a let-down, never really going anywhere or landing on a great enough joke. Guess it leads to a sequel but I bet it will be a re-hash p much.
Faking liking Tori Amos to get bitches. Putting boob enhancement pills in his GF's shakes like Peggy Hill put roids in Hank's steak. Perusing eBay for vid games. Accidentally getting engaged and resentful of it. Cheating w/ cheaters. Lol, the phrase "pukes out a laugh," blaming farts on his potential MIL. Jizzing in shampoo bottles. Meeting Gwen Stefani.
A li'l too long. Ending a bit of a let-down, never really going anywhere or landing on a great enough joke. Guess it leads to a sequel but I bet it will be a re-hash p much.
April 5, 2009
The only reason I managed to finish this book it because I thought that there had to be some kind of turning point in the book. Something that makes you think, "Ah ha, that's why this book is this obscene for 250 or so pages." No. Nothing of this nature whatsoever. Just the "memoirs" of the typical American male. No lessons learned. No change of heart. Just a guy, being an asshole, which is all us guys are good at doing. Lessons from the book (ones that I have seen before in other books, albeit in less offensive manners):
1.) Most men are assholes and think about sex 95% of the time;
2.) Men are visually stimulated, whereas women are typically more stimulated by touch;
3.) Relationships for men are typically all the same -- rooted firmly in the physical instead of the emotional -- and a lack of physicality leads to the end of a relationship in the eyes of men;
4.) Men need to give up the ideas of a "perfect woman" and settle for what they have. The "perfect woman" who is a mirror image of himself is a rare find for any man.
Ok, take 2 minutes to read this review and spare yourself the 3 hours it takes to read the book. On the bright side, it is a very easy read (it only took about an hour and a half to read the last 150 pgs) and some of the stuff in the book is so obscene/out there that, at times, I found myself rereading things just to double check that the author had actually written what I had just read.
1.) Most men are assholes and think about sex 95% of the time;
2.) Men are visually stimulated, whereas women are typically more stimulated by touch;
3.) Relationships for men are typically all the same -- rooted firmly in the physical instead of the emotional -- and a lack of physicality leads to the end of a relationship in the eyes of men;
4.) Men need to give up the ideas of a "perfect woman" and settle for what they have. The "perfect woman" who is a mirror image of himself is a rare find for any man.
Ok, take 2 minutes to read this review and spare yourself the 3 hours it takes to read the book. On the bright side, it is a very easy read (it only took about an hour and a half to read the last 150 pgs) and some of the stuff in the book is so obscene/out there that, at times, I found myself rereading things just to double check that the author had actually written what I had just read.
September 9, 2022
It's LA Candy for men. Features most of the worst misogyny I've ever encountered and usually complaints like that are overblown. People complain about Daisy's line in Gatsby w/r/t a fool being the best thing a girl can be. They actually get upset about that stuff, like it set women back nearly as much as Laguna Beach, The Hills, or LA Candy did. I don't mention SLL because that set animate life back at least 20 years.
So if you got offended by Gatsby, be prepared to break into instant fury.
"As we drive, I make sure to hit the brakes a little harder than I need to at each stop in the hopes of jarring the fetus loose and causing an instant miscarriage. As I come to the fourth or fifth abrupt stop, it doesn’t seem to be working. Nonetheless, I stomp the brakes whenever traffic allows, reasoning that it only takes one good one to bust the fetus loose."
Minor break here as I thought the following exchange was funny, not misogynistic. Unintentionally funny, for obvious reasons.
“You have an Xbox 360?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you have Halo 2?”
“Yeah.”
Okay now back to the most absurd thing I've seen written in a long time (at least since the IKEA list in Millennium)
"That night at Casey’s house, I purposely cum in her mouth while she’s giving me a standard foreplay blow job that should have led to sex. I don’t apologize."
That's the entire book. Don't read it.
So if you got offended by Gatsby, be prepared to break into instant fury.
"As we drive, I make sure to hit the brakes a little harder than I need to at each stop in the hopes of jarring the fetus loose and causing an instant miscarriage. As I come to the fourth or fifth abrupt stop, it doesn’t seem to be working. Nonetheless, I stomp the brakes whenever traffic allows, reasoning that it only takes one good one to bust the fetus loose."
Minor break here as I thought the following exchange was funny, not misogynistic. Unintentionally funny, for obvious reasons.
“You have an Xbox 360?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you have Halo 2?”
“Yeah.”
Okay now back to the most absurd thing I've seen written in a long time (at least since the IKEA list in Millennium)
"That night at Casey’s house, I purposely cum in her mouth while she’s giving me a standard foreplay blow job that should have led to sex. I don’t apologize."
That's the entire book. Don't read it.
June 25, 2011
This book either resonates with you or it doesn't. Look, the fact is that while all guys probably aren't (and shouldn't be) as misogynistic as this character, we all have those thoughts at one point or another. Call us sick, call us childish, call us disgusting, but it happens. The book has its faults. But as gross and outlandish as this book can be, the one thing it gets right are the feelings of trapped desperation that loads of men go through; the author captures them on the page. Hell, I was about to have a panic attack just out of sheer sympathy at some points. At its heart, this is a story about roles. Roles society tells us we are supposed to fill, and the fall out from that societal pressure. Saying this is about men being pigs, with one track minds is true, but it is also a complete oversimplification, a missing of the forest for the trees. No one says you have to like this book. But whether you are comfortable with the premise or not, what you do need to accept is that underneath all the sex, there are real issues that men do their best not to think about, real panic, and ultimately, not in all cases but definitely in some, real resentment. This book helps to air some of that psychic dirty laundry, and that alone makes it useful.
March 11, 2012
This book is nasty, degrading, chauvanistic, crass, and disappointing. The only thing keeping me from actually putting this book out with the trash is the hope that the ending will somehow redeem the other 230 pages of what I certainly hope are NOT thoughts of the average American male. And just out of curiosity, what does this guy do for a living that he has time to sit around and jerk himself off nine times in a day? Million little pieces was controversial. This was just a waste of money.
*UPDATE* Chapter 15 just sealed the deal. There is no longer any hope of redemption for this book. Shame on Chad Kultgen for charging people to read this bullshit.
*Finished Book* Ok, so it was still 228 pages of I don't know what, but he really just hated Casey and I kind of hated her too by the end. I don't really know how to say what it is I felt about his relationship with Alyna, but I finished the book feeling just the tiniest bit satisfied that it is possible for a girl to be enough of what a man wants that even when she doesn't do sex goddess things anymore, he can still love her.
*UPDATE* Chapter 15 just sealed the deal. There is no longer any hope of redemption for this book. Shame on Chad Kultgen for charging people to read this bullshit.
*Finished Book* Ok, so it was still 228 pages of I don't know what, but he really just hated Casey and I kind of hated her too by the end. I don't really know how to say what it is I felt about his relationship with Alyna, but I finished the book feeling just the tiniest bit satisfied that it is possible for a girl to be enough of what a man wants that even when she doesn't do sex goddess things anymore, he can still love her.
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December 17, 2008Chris S says: "Kultgen's debut novel gives us a fairly accurate, very funny, rather crude and oddly touching portrait of the Average American Male."
Jackie says: "This book was horrifying to me, but I just couldn't put it down. When I finished I gave it to a guy friend of mine. When he was done reading, I asked him if this is really true--do guys REALLY think like this. He said 'pretty much'. I really do think women should read this book--not so that they will hate men, but at least so they have more of a clue about how their brains operate."
Jackie says: "This book was horrifying to me, but I just couldn't put it down. When I finished I gave it to a guy friend of mine. When he was done reading, I asked him if this is really true--do guys REALLY think like this. He said 'pretty much'. I really do think women should read this book--not so that they will hate men, but at least so they have more of a clue about how their brains operate."
October 15, 2012
I like this book and would like to read it aloud to women who spray tan obsessively, watch the view/sunrise, follow sex tips in cosmopolitan and find the show friends funny.
The protagonist is likely to be the extremest essence of almost every male I know and love, though with more/less insight into his actions. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. If anything, honesty can be offensive and dangerous in small concise doses, which is what Kultgen delivers.
I really like this book and it could only have been improved with pictures.
The protagonist is likely to be the extremest essence of almost every male I know and love, though with more/less insight into his actions. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. If anything, honesty can be offensive and dangerous in small concise doses, which is what Kultgen delivers.
I really like this book and it could only have been improved with pictures.
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