The Best Little Boy in the World Grows Up

by Andrew Tobias

John Reid's The Best Little Boy in the World was hailed as a classic memoir of growing up gay in a straight world. But "John Reid" didn't write it. Years would pass before the writer could reveal his true identity as Andrew Tobias, America's bestselling financial guru, author of The Only Investment Guide You'll Ever Need. Now, twenty-five years later, Tobias, proud to use his real name, brings his remarkable life story up to date.

Writing with his customary charm and frank humor, Tobias tells of love affairs and heartbreak, hot New York parties and tough political battles, the excitement of genuine social change and the tragedy of seeing dear friends die young. Here too are the unforgettable scenes of Tobias revealing his sexual orientation not only to his parents but to the president of the United States.

The author is an irresistible companion as he shares with us his proud stories, embarrassing confessions, and hilarious musings on "the homosexual lifestyle." Witty, heartfelt, and wonderfully affirming in every sense, this is Andrew Tobias's finest book to date.

Genres: Memoir, Biography, LGBT, Nonfiction, Gay, Biography Memoir, Autobiography

Paperback

First published January 1, 1998

Reviews

[Brian Kovesci · Rating 3 out of 5]

Brief aside: The used bookstore at the end of the street semi-reopened after being closed for several weeks. People weren't yet allowed into the bookstore, the owner would look for specific titles. Well, a used bookstore is a crapshoot and I didn't want to waste his time asking for individual titles, so I asked him to pick out a handful of queer non-fiction books. I bought the handful after confirming I hadn't read them yet. So I bought and read a quarter of this book before realizing it is a follow-up of a similarly titled memoir. Lame. Whatever, I kept reading and ordered the first book.

I love reading queer memoirs, but them being from a few decades ago the language can be a bit problematic. Yes, individual stories of surviving the AIDS crisis will always make me cry. No, it is not okay to compare transgender people to the Elephant Man, implying both are societal abnormals and that they are equals in that spectrum. Yes, it's okay to write about your struggles in straight America in the 70's-90's. No, it's not okay to be openly sexist and then acknowledge your sexism by brushing it off as a comedic aside. The lack of empathy for those outside the author's demographic is common but still unsettling to my 2020 brain.

[SouthWestZippy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ok I tired to like this book but between the name dropping and jumping around subjects,I could not get into the flow of the stories. I did not read his first book,this may have been a factor in me disliking and not able to understand some of things going on at times. I happy to read he has grown and discovered himself and wish I could give the book more than one star.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars

I enjoyed Tobias's first memoir--originally published in the early 1970s under a pseudonym--that dealt with the sublimation of his sexuality through academics and sports (thus, The Best Little Boy in the World) and his eventual coming out as a college-aged adult. This book, written twenty-five years later, hits some important highs and lows in both his life and the country's attitudes toward gays during that time.

In the more personal sections of the book, the author discusses relationships, those that worked and those that didn't, continuing the story from his earlier volume. (He does finally meet his long-time partner.) The most poignant aspect of the book was the dramatic change brought about by AIDS. Where, early in the book, Tobias referred to Fire Island summer weekend getaways with elaborate parties, later in the book he gives an accounting of how many of those friends had been lost to the disease.

Some readers may be a bit turned off by the sometimes upscale life that Tobias refers to (his life is in finance and he knows other movers and shakers), but it only emphasized to me how important it is for a movement to attract and hold the support of people in positions of power. Part of the early gay rights movement worked at getting those people to know gays as individuals so that those in power would come to understand that there was no basis for discrimination and every reason to aid the push for equality.

[Martin Denton · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is Andrew Tobias's memoir of the second 25 years of his life. (The first 25, more or less, are recounted in the excellent The Best Little Boy in the World; it's focused on coming out, to yourself and then bit by bit to the world, and it meant a great deal to me when I first read it about 40 years ago.)

This memoir, the sequel, is about finding your way once "out." A lot of it has to do with finding love, which Andy does four times during the course of the book--he is, he says, a serial monogamist. Why four times? Well, AIDS figures enormously: the book covers the years 1973 through 1997. Tobias emerged from the plague healthy, but he lost lovers and friends, as so many others in his generation did, and the pain and even a little guilt is palpable here.

The book is also about sex; it's a weird combination of utter candor (unparalleled, in my experience, by any other well-known gay man's autobiography: he lets us know exactly which sexual activities he prefers and dislikes, and shares more than once his surprising distaste for oral sex) and almost prudish recoiling from too much discussion about any of this. I left the book feeling sad that Andy has denied himself a lot of potential pleasure by adhering seemingly so dogmatically to his principles, so to speak; I am wondering if in an account of the next 25 years of his life we will learn that he has opened himself to a wider variety of experiences. (I hope so.)

Mostly, though, the book is a call to action. He is notably grateful for the advancements made in American society during the period covered in the book--by 1997, there was certainly greater tolerance and even respect for gay lives in this country, and some of the stigmatization of homosexuality that he had had to work through as a young man had started to evaporate. (Some; and of course the pendulum may be swinging backward.) The most important lesson of his second 25 years--one I fully appreciate and embrace--is to live happily and openly; in both of our cases as gay men: to challenge ignorance and prejudice as appropriate, to advocate for necessary changes to social and legal norms, to generously encourage and support the generations of gay men to come.

Andy has his hangups, but he's fundamentally a good guy and a fine man; he's grown up well and become a fine role model for younger men who are still hungry for one.

[Todd Horton]

P

[Armando · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a pleasant surprise. Definitely an improvement over the first book. I’m pleased to say, Tobias actually delivered on the “Growing Up” part of the title.

[Soren V · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a bisexual white female I picked up both of the authors books to read about life from the perspective of a gay man and I did get that, but I actually enjoyed the book because of the writer. He's relatable, has a brilliant sense of humor, and shared his emotions along with the literal experience in a way that let me empathize without pitying him and others who share the same experiences. I didn't discover anything new or revolutionary about gay male experience, oppression, inner turmoil, etc. but I did learn about the author and grew to love his story and development and I was grateful when good things happened for him. I think this is a good book for any gay male who suffers from oppression, for parents of gay children, or any homophobic person who misunderstands gay men.

[Thomas Lowe · Rating 3 out of 5]

I originally read THE BEST LITTLE BOY IN THE WORLD GROWS UP when it was released in hardcover in 1998. I read it immediately after reading Tobias's (as John Reid) earlier book THE BEST LITTLE BOY IN THE WORLD. My original thoughts, at the time, were that it was okay, but not as interesting to me as its precursor.

That was 25 years ago. I recently reread TBLBITW and thought it hadn't aged gracefully, but it was still a worthwhile memoir. When I decided to read that book for the second time, I hadn't planned to read the sequel again, but when I saw how some of the first book had aged, I wanted to see what I thought about the follow-up book.

I did find this book more interesting overall than I had remembered from the first reading, but, wow, does Tobias's privilege REALLY show. It comes with a helping of internalized homophobia. He makes it a point to say gay people deserve rights, but he can't help apologizing for the gays who aren't white, masculine, rich and handsome who give the rest a bad name. And don't get me started on the transphobia he needlessly included toward the end. I honestly think he was trying to show how enlightened he had become by basically saying that trans people are icky, but he talked to a trans woman once and she was nice, so look how he's grown. I suppose for him, he HAD grown. I hope he's grown even more in the ensuing 25 years. Now I'm eager for him to write THE BEST LITTLE BOY IN THE WORLD GETS OLD.

[Gary Hawsey · Rating 2 out of 5]

Did not like this book. OK--the author had written The Best Little Boy in the World using an alias therefore nobody knew that Andrew Tobias had so many fabulous friends. So....... now that he's OUT he writes this book to let us all know how many famous and important people he knows. Who cares. OK I'll admit there was a little gay history imparted, but not worth all the lists of celebs that were his great "friends".

[Rory · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the sequel to 'the best little boy in the whole wide world' which is one of the best autobiographies about growing up gay ever. It takes the unknown author (he used a fake name with the first book) and unmaskes both his childhood self and reveals the path his adult self took. It's an amazing arch considering the books take place quite a few years apart--not in subject but in composition.

[Terrence · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have had this book for several years. I bought it along with "The Best Little Boy in the World". I started the first book several years ago but never finished it. Now that I'm long out and blah and blah, I went ahead and started reading the sequel.

[Christopher Dionesotes · Rating 2 out of 5]

If I had read this 15 years ago when it was first published, it would have held more meaning. If it were written in recent years, it would have been unnecessary. I read 3/4 of this book before I put it down and could go no further.

[Jay · Rating 4 out of 5]

Many times the sequel is not as good as the first book but I enjoyed reading this book and finding out how the author's life turned out as a mature gay man. I recommend both books highly.

[Michael Holland · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not quite as funny as the first book, but still endearing. I am glad that Andrew Tobias thought to come out with his real name instead on the pen name of John Reid.

[Marks House]

Two copies

[Zack Subin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Autobiography with gay life pre-AIDS and politics. A little self-aggrandizing.

[Pat Lampe · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is sort of a sequel. I hadn't read the first book but did enjoy this. I like his writing style. And it was interesting to read about a different life style.

[Jim · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very disappointing -- too much self-congratulation and name-dropping.

[Daric Wolkenhauer · Rating 3 out of 5]

A veritable thicket of dropped names, condescension, and weird, weird homophobia.