To Have or to Hold

by Josi S. Kilpack

Emma has a knack for doing things badly. At eighteen she married her high-school sweetheart just days after graduation. Three years later she’s a twenty-one-year old divorcee with a 15-month-old daughter looking at life in a different way. She moves to Utah with a broken heart and a head full of shattered dreams hoping to start over.

She also tries to find her place in the LDS church again, but it’s easier said than done. As always she doesn’t fit the Mormon mold and wonders if she ever will or if she even wants to.

Andrew Davidson’s life is going exactly according to plan. He has the lifestyle he’s always wanted and spends his days working hard at his development company and his weekends enjoy the perks of being a rich bachelor. When he learns of a substantial inheritance through the father he never knew, he can’t say no. Even if it means he has to marry — something he never planned on.

When Andrew makes Emma an offer she can’t refuse, a marriage of convenience in exchange for a portion of the inheritance, she feels life is taking a turn for the better. She knows everything will be fine so long as she doesn’t fall in love with her temporary husband. But as with everything else in Emma’s life, things don’t go as expected.

Before she knows it she’s fallen in love with Andrew, but holds no illusions that his expectations of their merger have changed. However, Andrew is caught up in conflicting feelings of his own and when he finds himself faced with everything he never wanted, he desperately seeks answers.

Genres: Lds Fiction, Romance, Lds, Fiction, Adult, Clean Romance, Chick Lit

330 pages, Paperback

First published August 1, 2004

About the author

I wrote my first book while on bed rest with my third child in 1998 and haven't stopped. My most recent books have been Historical Romance through the Proper Romance line with Shadow Mountain Publishing.

I currently live in Willard, Utah with my husband, and children.

Reviews

[Tiffany · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is out of print, but I finally found it on eBay. Yay!! I dove right in and finished it pretty quickly. This book is an LDS Romance, with a marriage of convenience storyline. The thing I like best about this author is that she doesn't shy away from the hard stuff. In fact, in this story at least, she embraces the hard stuff and tells a very honest story.

A few reviews say that the MC is unlikeable because she is a brat, and well... that's true. But, with everything that has happened to her, I think her reactions are pretty realistic. At times, I just wanted to shake her... by the end I REALLY wanted to shake her. But alls well that ends well. I liked Andrew, he was imperfect, yet likeable. I had a girlfriend who suffered from HG and Kilpack nailed it.

[Josi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was my fifth published novel and my most romancy one to date. It's about a woman struggling to find her feet after a divorce, and a consummate bachelor in need of a wife in order to inherit a family fortune. Their paths cross and they both promise not to fall in love. I wrote this book because I love the storyline of "Marriage of Convenience" and had pondered for years on how it would work in a modern setting. The biggest complaint I hear is that my main character is kind a bratty, well, yes she is. However, all the readers fall in love with the hero and so they forgive her--obviously she has something to offer if he falls for her, right? If you like romance novels, this will likely be one you'll love.

[Katie (hiding in the pages) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved the first half of this book!!! Very romantic. I don't know what it is about a marriage of convenience, but it's very intriguing. The second half wasn't as good for me---Emma (the main character) was a brat, but she was young, so I guess that's a good excuse. She was also dealing with a very serious illness, one from which I have suffered from, and it wasn't fun for me to relive those memories. So....the first half of the book is definitely 5 stars for me, but the last half would be 3 stars, so I averaged it and gave it 4.

[Becki · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book. It was a great read that I couldn't put down after I picked it up. My intention was to read for a few hours before bed, and I ended up staying up until 3:30 am to finish it! I really love the story lines of marrying for convenience. This was a fun modern day story. I read through some of the reviews. I feel that I am fairly easy to please, but I felt that some of the reviews really picked this book apart. Can the heroine be a little bratty? Yes. Does she get kinda feisty and mean at times? Sure, but she had been through a lot. This book talks about a young woman who is going through some tough times and how she chose to handle it. We can't honestly say that we all act perfectly and with our dignity in tact when we are going through trials and don't act a little bratty at times. We all do. This novel made me feel like I could relate to the heroine because she was REAL. Sometimes we don't like what life deals us, and we don't always handle it with grace and eloquence. But what I think that matters is what we learn from our trials and how things come out in the end. And things did work out in the end and everyone is happy. This is the first book that I have read by Josi Kilpack. I thoroughly enjoyed it and can't wait to read more!

[Heidi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I remembered really liking this book several years ago so I picked it up again. I wasn't disappointed and was reminded why I loved it.

This is an LDS, marriage of convenience, contemporary romance.

Our heroine Emma, has made some poor choices in her life, and because of it, she's facing some hard consequences. She's a very young, recently divorced single mom and she feels like she's just barely keeping her head above water.
Andrew is a young, successful business man who receives some shocking news about a family trust...but it comes with certain requirements.

Together they feel like they find a solution to all of their problems....but it's only the beginning.

I love watching the change that takes place in Andrew as he grows and changes for the better....he is such an endearing character. Emma drives me crazy during some of the story...but yet she is strong, brave and selfless for someone so young. She definitely shows her age in some of her immaturity as well though.
The author does approach some tough topics and I would definitely consider this an adult read.

[Apzmarshl · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having only ever read super cheese packed LDS romance, I REALLY liked this. The characters were very palatable. Things weren't too clean and squeaky so that I felt like my own life was in the potty when I finished. I enjoyed the mistakes that they made and the lack of extreme self righteousness. I mean, hello I expect there to be religion in a book marketed by a religious publishing house and I am on board. But I do like the way that it was presented in a much more realistic manner than other things I have read.

[Sheila (sheilasbookreviewer) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was such a good read! I needed to read a romance that wasn't cookie cutter sweet and that had a lot of angst. It still is a good LDS romance, but it has a kick that many LDS Romances are not brave enough to attempt! Good job Josi Kilpack on this novel. This was a hard one to put down.I have to admit reading it during my lunchtime and avoiding eating in the faculty lounge so I could finish this book and not have to talk to anyone.

[Joelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've now reread this book twice and I have loved it every time. It is a great read that I struggled to put down both times. It follows the "Marriage of Convenience" trop that I love so much and I thought that Josi Kilpack did a great job with it in modern setting.

Both characters are definitely flawed human beings, which makes the story more relatable for readers. Emma has been through much heartbreak, she's made some personal mistakes which came with hard consequences, and she has a lost and heart that desperately needs to be found both personally but also by someone who will take care of her and cherish her. Andrew is young, successful and living the bachelor life. A life he doesn't want to change. But all that changes as they find themselves in a marriage of convenience.

While some readers struggle with Emma I didn't until the final chapters, but when you look at her story over all she has faced so many struggles, she has made so many mistakes and she is now paying for them. Of course she is going to struggle, not open her eyes the the wonderful man just waiting to embrace her. Her crappy attitude near the end really got me thinking about how I react to situations, same with Andrew and his approach. Though the few chapters before the end can be rough for some, they can also teach some valuable lessons about reacting to experiences in life, serving others, what it is like to experience heartbreak. The second time around reading those things really stuck out to me and I love it when books not only are fun, charming and swoony, but also hit the hard stuff in life and get me thinking. Overall, great read and I definitely see myself rereading it again a few years down the road.

[NaDell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not quite the easy fluffy book I expected based on the cover, which was great! Dealt with all kinds of issues a marriage based on inheritance would and more.
LDS themed throughout, but with characters struggling with faith and questioning activity in the church.

[Julie Carpenter · Rating 4 out of 5]

I celebrated the coming of the new year by reading this last night. I have read it several times prior to this which made it easy to read through quickly.

I still enjoyed it just as much this time. There were moments I was frustrated with the characters because I could see the whole picture while they only saw part of it and were judgmental of each other due to their lack of knowledge and anger towards what they believed each other had/hadn't done.

Of course that type of angst is typical in many novels causing us to be upset or hook us in to see how it is eventually resolved.

Emma is a young, recently divorced mother trying to make ends meet. She is given an offer of a marriage of convenience for a year and at the end will receive a large portion of Andrew's inheritance from a trust fund. Unfortunately this trust has been around since the early 1900's and has caused grief and heartache to all the male members in Andrew's family line.

Emma agrees to the marriage with several conditions. She and her daughter move into Andrew's house (which is actually Emma's dream home) and she is given a monthly stipend for her personal use and chooses to return to school.

Andrew has a business in L.A. but comes to his home in Salt Lake City, where Emma lives, on the weekends and holidays to ski. He brings home guests whom Emma helps cook for and entertain.

Andrew and Emma of course start to fall in love with each other thinking the other doesn't care(very common for many novels).

Do they make it the full year and receive the payoff from the trust or do they have too many differences to last the year? With several twists and turns throughout it was a fun, emotional(watching a young mother struggling to do what's right and provide a better life for her family always touches my heart) read.

Happy Reading!!!

[Beth Given · Rating 2 out of 5]

Oh goodness. Part of the problem with reading these kinds of books is that then I have to admit that I've read them here on Goodreads! Okay, I suppose I really don't -- but then I'm breaking the rules. (You know, the rules. The rules which I made up for myself. Huh.)

If you've read any fluffy LDS romance, you'll have a pretty good idea what to expect here: average woman lacking communication skills but certainly not lacking spunk; man who is inordinately handsome and inexplicably wealthy; and plenty of drama. Some might argue that these books are supposed to be escapist, so while I roll may my eyes in places, even I must admit that something more realistic might make for some pretty dull reading.

However, there were a few surprises here. I appreciated the fact that the author, through main character Emma, suggests that love is something that's grown, that it's more than just simple chemistry -- and then Kilpack shows that in the plot development: the sizzling romance sizzles out midway through the book, and there are real consequences to be dealt with. Some people might have thought it at little preachy at the end, but I really appreciated how Kilpack leaves no doubt that while the characters may have justified their transgressions earlier in the novel, she doesn't. Some good messages here.

The writing itself is pretty mediocre, and even by the end I wasn't exactly in love with the characters or even the storyline, but then again this is one of those books that I'd picked up and devoured within a couple days -- so maybe my actions speak louder than my words here!

[Susan · Rating 1 out of 5]

I enjoyed my first book by this author, the second was not quite so good and this third I think I've finally figured it out. She is careful to allow the heroine to be imperfect and in doing so make her almost unlikable. I got tired of allowing her to talk and act however she wants just because she has problems.
That said, this was about a single mother who meets a man who needs to marry to gain an inheritance. (sounds corney, huh) It was. The redeeming part of the story was the information about a medical condition called Hyperemesis Gravidarun, which means while she was pregnant she threw up continually causing her to lose wight and her health.

[Missy · Rating 4 out of 5]

So I wanted to give this book 5 stars but knowing my state of mind right now I know that it really only deserves 4 maybe three, with that said I really loved this book for what it was. And it was predictible and typical. I wanted to read something that was easy, fun, and had a good story. This book brought me into the story and let me just really be stress free while I was reading it. It was cute, funny and had a story that moved along.

[Kristyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was going to give this 5 stars, but I wasn't to thrilled with the way the ending was written. Pretty steamy for an LDS book I thought, so I told my daughter to wait until she's a little older to read it. Even though I wanted to slap some sense into the characters sometimes, I really enjoyed it.

[Chrissy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would actually rate this a 3.5. I really liked the beginning and the premise of the book. But then I got frustrated with the main character, even though I know her character was probably really true to how you would feel under her circumstances. It has a good ending, and that's important to me!

[Christina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the raw emotions of some real-life medical situations in this book. There were times when I wished the tone of the book would have changed, but at the same time I also appreciated the reality of the characters' emotions in difficult situations. An overall good read!

[Lettie · Rating 1 out of 5]

What can I say? I was bored... I'd give it a negative if I could...

[Mandy McHenry · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cute book, easy read, clean story line. Just what I needed. A tiny bit predictable, but aren't LDS fictions supposed to be? :)

[Debby · Rating 4 out of 5]

Emma was raised the LDS Church, but fell in love with non-member and got pregant and married 3 days after his high school graduation. Three years later, she's 4 months divorced with a 15-month-old daughter and living in Utah near her siblings trying to get her life back on track. She works full-time as an aide at a nursing home and plays housekeeper once a week for a wealth young businessman's second home. Andrew Davidson has just discovered he's the potential recipient of $2.4 million, if he is married for a year before his 30th birthday. After the 2 meet and clash a few times, he proposes a marriage of convenience, giving her 10% when he gets the payoff. She agrees, they marry and . things are going reasonably well. He works in LA and flies home on weekends, and they start to develop feelings for each other. One weekend he takes her to Park City to teach her to ski, he gets drunk and goes to her bedroom, she takes him to his and spends the night. The next morning he's scared he spent it with another woman and sends his friend to pay her off. Emma realizes he doesn't know it's her and is hurt. She becomes pregnant and again develops Hyperemesis Gravidarum, where she throws up constantly and has to be hospitalized. Months later he discovers her pregnancy, but she won't deal with him. He joins the church after meeting the missionaries in LA, moves to UT to be with Emma and save the inheritance. Baby is premature with complications. Eventually they work it out and both come back to Church. Not too preachy - good story.

[Addie · Rating 3 out of 5]

The back cover of this book gives the impression that you're about to read a funny story of a "fake wedding" arrangement. I wish the back cover said that it would instead be a story about a fake wedding business deal, postpartum depression, severe cases of morning sickness called Hyperemesis Gravidarum, along with marital anger, divorce, and forgiveness.

The rating I would give this book is 3.5 stars. I thought I was getting into light and fluffy here. It started out that way. But as the book progressed, it became much more heavy. There was a lot of tension in this book. It also seemed to switch about the halfway point from a humor-filled story to a now religious plot. The last half of the book hardly contains any humor. By the end you begin to feel hope, which being different than humor, gives the book a whole different feeling. So I felt like I was reading a completely different book altogether by the end of the story.

It would have been nice to fill the end with more of the detailed banter that filled the first half of the book, giving it a more cohesive feeling all around. But with that missing, it just felt like the end kind of dropped off, leaving the reader with a feeling of hope-filled-emptiness... if that makes sense. It's definitely a book I'm going to remember though.

[Alisha · Rating 3 out of 5]

First of all, I will say the book was gripping, I didn't want to put it down, but not for the typical reasons. There was only one aspect of the book that went the direction I thought it was going to, the rest was unpredictable, but not necessarily in a good way. I still enjoyed it, but there was a point that I was sort of, get over it already (to the girl)... and more an informational spurt to (think next part might be considered spoiler) educate people about a pregnancy disorder that makes women really sick.
I did like his (spoiler) conversion process, though I'm still annoyed with the girl about the whole deal. Their personalities were so different than Ryan and I that it was hard to relate. I also think I give the guy and easier time making up for his "sins" and mistakes because he never really had the chance to know better, where as she knew better she was just too snobby and selfish to practice the teachings she had already.

[KC · Rating 5 out of 5]

I normally do not like these types of books, but read this after the suggestion of my sister-n-law. Loved it! I have loved it so much, that I needed to buy a new copy to replace the one I have read multiple times. I read this one at least once a year. The relationship between the two characters was well developed and showed how much one can come from two different worlds, but still be able to relate to each other and connect.

[Ariell · Rating 3 out of 5]

Perspective of someone struggling with their faith. A little heart-aching at times. Good story.
I would not recommend to anyone under 18. Clean, but adult situations as the couple is married. Close door.

[Karalee · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an LDS, marriage of convenience, contemporary romance.

[Ann Stokes · Rating 4 out of 5]

This really was a pretty good book but I don’t want to read it again. The main gal was so bratty.

[Natasha Faucher · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book at my sister’s when I needed something to read. It was entertaining, easy to read and interesting. I’m glad I picked it up!

[Chelsey Boud · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick, fun, easy read. Not a lot of substance. The story line is so ridiculous it’s entertaining.

[Kim Kiewra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read it in one day because I couldn't put it down! It's the story of a marriage of convenience. They promise they will marry each other only for the money and that they won't fall in love. Yeah right! Very predictable, and yet the journey there was still enjoyable to read. The hopeless romantic in me enjoyed several moments in this book, but one moment might be a little too much for some LDS readers. It doesn't go into detail but it is clearly implied as the character becomes pregnant shortly after.

Spoilers/Basic Story line
Divorced, single mother works a side job as a housekeeper. One day Emma accidentally runs into the man who owns the house, Andrew. He decides she is the woman he wants to marry, only for convenience so that he can meet the requirements of his inheritance. Even though the marriage is a business agreement, they begin to fall for each other. Both characters think they are the only one feeling that way. One night, with one character drunk results in a pregnancy. Andrew thinks he cheated on her, Emma keeps her pregnancy a secret from him. Both of these things cause them to avoid each other. She becomes deathly sick while pregnant. The child is born premature and Andrew finally understands the situation. Even though he never wanted a family before he steps up to the situation. Emma wants nothing to do with him. He decides to give up on the inheritance and give her a way out of the marriage. They end up working things out in time. He still finds a way to turn down the inheritance so she knows he is in the marriage for the right reasons. Story deals with 2 medical issues related to pregnancy, one of them being Post-Partum Depression.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Started reading this for the second time because I knew it didn't have a sequel and I was tired of reading series. Was partway into it before I realized it was the same author as Lemon Tart (recently read and did not like much). This one is so much better. The characters are believable and that goes a long way! The food obsession of the author is much more subtle and realistic through the main character Emma. The book is an easy read and shows the reality of life, sometimes you aren't perfect.
Just finished it for the third time and still really love it.
I liked:
*the dialogue, very entertaining and easy to understand whose perspective you are reading
*how it showed Emma's belief/faith in strong moments and weak ones
*how not all of Emma's family came from cookie cutter perfect backgrounds. Having Janet in the story made it seem more believable and human and gave someone for Emma to bond with.
*being able to actually relate to the NICU experience towards the end and understanding first hand what it all meant and what it did to Emma to see her son there
*I like what Andrew can see in Emma, even when she isn't acting like herself (after her 2nd pregnancy finished)
*the conversation between them about how true love is something people grow into not fall into. That you sacrifice and both have to grow as individuals to reach a point of something deeper than surface love.

[Mommywest · Rating 4 out of 5]

Emma is a 21-year-old divorcee with a 15-month-old daughter who is struggling to find her place in the Church and to support her little daughter. Andrew Davidson is a rich young bachelor who is happy with his life as is. But when he is offered a substantial portion of his grandfather's inheritance if he will fulfill certain requirements, he makes Emma an offer she can't refuse: a marriage of convenience that will give her a nice home, a chance to go to school, and a portion of the inheritance that will allow her to finally get out of the hole she's in. Neither of them plan to fall in love. . .however, things don't always go the way we plan.

This story is much more "romancy," as Josi Kilpack herself put it, than her other offerings. The story premise is the crazy idea that truly worked. As the characters encounter various struggles that teach them where they truly belong, you go back and forth between cheering and smacking your forehead at the things they do. The author, again, has created characters that are real and loveable (most of the time!) and a page-turning story that never takes the expected turn.