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In Love
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Readers' Favorite Memoir & Autobiography (2022)Amy Bloom began to notice changes in her husband, Brian: He retired early from a new job he loved; he withdrew from close friendships; he talked mostly about the past. Suddenly, it seemed there was a glass wall between them, and their long walks and talks stopped. Their world was altered forever when an MRI confirmed what they could no longer ignore: Brian had Alzheimer’s disease.
Forced to confront the truth of the diagnosis and its impact on the future he had envisioned, Brian was determined to die on his feet, not live on his knees. Supporting each other in their last journey together, Brian and Amy made the unimaginably difficult and painful decision to go to Dignitas, an organization based in Switzerland that empowers a person to end their own life with dignity and peace.
In this heartbreaking and surprising memoir, Bloom sheds light on a part of life we so often shy away from discussing—its ending. Written in Bloom’s captivating, insightful voice and with her trademark wit and candor, In Love is an unforgettable portrait of a beautiful marriage, and a boundary-defying love.
Forced to confront the truth of the diagnosis and its impact on the future he had envisioned, Brian was determined to die on his feet, not live on his knees. Supporting each other in their last journey together, Brian and Amy made the unimaginably difficult and painful decision to go to Dignitas, an organization based in Switzerland that empowers a person to end their own life with dignity and peace.
In this heartbreaking and surprising memoir, Bloom sheds light on a part of life we so often shy away from discussing—its ending. Written in Bloom’s captivating, insightful voice and with her trademark wit and candor, In Love is an unforgettable portrait of a beautiful marriage, and a boundary-defying love.
Paperback
First published March 8, 2022
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About the author
Amy Bloom
66 books1,269 followersAmy Bloom is the New York Times bestselling author of White Houses; Come to Me, a National Book Award finalist; A Blind Man Can See How Much I Love You, a National Book Critics Circle Award finalist; Love Invents Us; Normal; Away; Where the God of Love Hangs Out; and Lucky Us. Her stories have appeared in The Best American Short Stories, O. Henry Prize Short Stories, The Scribner Anthology of Contemporary Short Fiction, and many other anthologies. She has written for The New Yorker, The New York Times Magazine, The Atlantic Monthly, Vogue, O: The Oprah Magazine, Slate, Tin House, and Salon, among other publications, and has won a National Magazine Award.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 3,131 reviews
March 12, 2022
Quick update …. I’m out walking and I just finished listening to the NPR interview with Amy Bloom about this book …
If you have a chance to listen to the NPR interview it’s really excellent.
Amy Bloom is magnificent….
….Her voice is authentic and true, honed to perfection!
It’s one of the few memoirs that feel as though they have made a difference in the world.
Barriers have been broken…. boundaries stripped away….
Amy invites us to look beneath the surface with her unsparing, yet compassionate narrative. Her husband, Brian has us looking closely at ‘right-to-die choices’, laws, his illness with Alzheimer’s, and his choice to die peacefully on his own terms.
……but not as a ‘self-serving’ endeavor…..rather a generosity ….
not as an isolated situation…..but as many situations.
Brian said to Amy:
“Please Write About This”
Magnificently.... she did!!!
I think both Amy and Brian knew people ‘needed’ to hear this story.
She had Paul and I (married 43 years)….discussing this book - adding our thoughts about compassionate assistance suicide for over an hour last night…
…..from many points of view. We have Amy and Brian to thank.
This slim powerful love story between Amy and Brian and the reality they were faced is packed filled with useful instructive, revealing, informative information.
As Michael Cunningham has been quoted:
“Prepare yourself to be heartbroken, expanded, unsettled, and filled with hope”
Amy’s story opened up a dimension of feelings in me that I didn’t even know I had!
It’s a story that sings, cries, exults, and mourns.
A deeply serious book…an important book.
The facts about Alzheimer’s are frightening. Right to die choices with peaceful support in America is also frightening….
But…..
At its core “In Love” …. is a love story….(with grief, loss, death, more grief, more loss, more love)
Amy Bloom is as real as any one person could possibly be —
—tender, passionate, angry, funny, self doubting, intuitive.
Absolutely it’s going down as one of the best books of the —-YEAR!
It’s breathtaking experience of love and sorrow is overwhelming ‘felt’.
So courageously written and utterly important!!!!
A few excerpts ….
It was January 26, 2020, Zürich Switzerland….
Amy and Brian were traveling
to Zürich, Switzerland…..
They were headed to Dignita’s office in Zürich, a Swiss nonprofit organization offering accompanied suicide.
“For the past twenty years, Dignita’s has been the only place to go if you are an American citizen who wants to die and if you are not certifiably terminally ill with no more than six months to live. This is the current standard in the United States, even in the nine right-to-die states plus the district of Columbia, about which many older or chronically ill Americans harbor end-of-life fantasies and which I researched, at Brian’s direction, until we discovered that the only place in the world for painless, peaceful, and legal suicide is Dignitas, and the suburbs of Zürich”.
“There are around six million people with Alzheimer’s in the United States. This doesn’t include the people with mild cognitive impairment who might or might not become demented (statistically, 80 percent of people with MCI do go on to develop Alzheimer’s within seven years, and although reevaluation every six months is recommended to people with MCI, no website can tell you why frequent reevaluation is recommended, as there is no FDA-approved and successful treatment for MCI or for slowing the progression of MCI to Alzheimer’s or, really, for Alzheimer’s itself). The six million also doesn’t include people with TBI (traumatic brain injury). which often leads to some form of dementia, or the people currently suffering from several different forms of dementia, which and just as badly as Alzheimer’s but may progressed differently. Almost two-thirds of these 6 million people are women.
Almost two-thirds of the caregivers for those Al heimer’s patients are also women. More of the patients and more of the caregivers”.
“Women in their sixties are twice as likely to develop Alzheimer’s as they are to develop breast cancer”.
“He has turned me into a wave-from-the-porch-person, and I do it for everyone who pulls out of my driveway”.
Now people who don’t do that for their guests seem to me to be lacking something, as I was”.
“I know that when you contemplate sending me out on tour, you all wish you could send Brian instead— and no one disagrees”
Amy Bloom > had me in tears with her above sentence!!! I wish I could meet you both.
THANK YOU AMY for this beautiful gift. I’m deeply sorry for your loss.
I fell in love with both Amy & Brian …. how could anyone NOT?
Amy made Brian come alive: absolutely charming, big hearted, funny, fearless, and incredibly lovable (as candy man to his grandkids—I was taken).
SIDE NOTES….
……because of this book — I’ll make a donation this week to planned Parenthood….
…..I’ve already listened to Bill Evans
…..I’ve marked the book “As I Lay Dying” , by William Faulkner to read.
…..I’ve made a note for myself to watch the series ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
…..I’ve purchased book to read by Jane Hirshfield (thank you Amy)
If you have a chance to listen to the NPR interview it’s really excellent.
Amy Bloom is magnificent….
….Her voice is authentic and true, honed to perfection!
It’s one of the few memoirs that feel as though they have made a difference in the world.
Barriers have been broken…. boundaries stripped away….
Amy invites us to look beneath the surface with her unsparing, yet compassionate narrative. Her husband, Brian has us looking closely at ‘right-to-die choices’, laws, his illness with Alzheimer’s, and his choice to die peacefully on his own terms.
……but not as a ‘self-serving’ endeavor…..rather a generosity ….
not as an isolated situation…..but as many situations.
Brian said to Amy:
“Please Write About This”
Magnificently.... she did!!!
I think both Amy and Brian knew people ‘needed’ to hear this story.
She had Paul and I (married 43 years)….discussing this book - adding our thoughts about compassionate assistance suicide for over an hour last night…
…..from many points of view. We have Amy and Brian to thank.
This slim powerful love story between Amy and Brian and the reality they were faced is packed filled with useful instructive, revealing, informative information.
As Michael Cunningham has been quoted:
“Prepare yourself to be heartbroken, expanded, unsettled, and filled with hope”
Amy’s story opened up a dimension of feelings in me that I didn’t even know I had!
It’s a story that sings, cries, exults, and mourns.
A deeply serious book…an important book.
The facts about Alzheimer’s are frightening. Right to die choices with peaceful support in America is also frightening….
But…..
At its core “In Love” …. is a love story….(with grief, loss, death, more grief, more loss, more love)
Amy Bloom is as real as any one person could possibly be —
—tender, passionate, angry, funny, self doubting, intuitive.
Absolutely it’s going down as one of the best books of the —-YEAR!
It’s breathtaking experience of love and sorrow is overwhelming ‘felt’.
So courageously written and utterly important!!!!
A few excerpts ….
It was January 26, 2020, Zürich Switzerland….
Amy and Brian were traveling
to Zürich, Switzerland…..
They were headed to Dignita’s office in Zürich, a Swiss nonprofit organization offering accompanied suicide.
“For the past twenty years, Dignita’s has been the only place to go if you are an American citizen who wants to die and if you are not certifiably terminally ill with no more than six months to live. This is the current standard in the United States, even in the nine right-to-die states plus the district of Columbia, about which many older or chronically ill Americans harbor end-of-life fantasies and which I researched, at Brian’s direction, until we discovered that the only place in the world for painless, peaceful, and legal suicide is Dignitas, and the suburbs of Zürich”.
“There are around six million people with Alzheimer’s in the United States. This doesn’t include the people with mild cognitive impairment who might or might not become demented (statistically, 80 percent of people with MCI do go on to develop Alzheimer’s within seven years, and although reevaluation every six months is recommended to people with MCI, no website can tell you why frequent reevaluation is recommended, as there is no FDA-approved and successful treatment for MCI or for slowing the progression of MCI to Alzheimer’s or, really, for Alzheimer’s itself). The six million also doesn’t include people with TBI (traumatic brain injury). which often leads to some form of dementia, or the people currently suffering from several different forms of dementia, which and just as badly as Alzheimer’s but may progressed differently. Almost two-thirds of these 6 million people are women.
Almost two-thirds of the caregivers for those Al heimer’s patients are also women. More of the patients and more of the caregivers”.
“Women in their sixties are twice as likely to develop Alzheimer’s as they are to develop breast cancer”.
“He has turned me into a wave-from-the-porch-person, and I do it for everyone who pulls out of my driveway”.
Now people who don’t do that for their guests seem to me to be lacking something, as I was”.
“I know that when you contemplate sending me out on tour, you all wish you could send Brian instead— and no one disagrees”
Amy Bloom > had me in tears with her above sentence!!! I wish I could meet you both.
THANK YOU AMY for this beautiful gift. I’m deeply sorry for your loss.
I fell in love with both Amy & Brian …. how could anyone NOT?
Amy made Brian come alive: absolutely charming, big hearted, funny, fearless, and incredibly lovable (as candy man to his grandkids—I was taken).
SIDE NOTES….
……because of this book — I’ll make a donation this week to planned Parenthood….
…..I’ve already listened to Bill Evans
…..I’ve marked the book “As I Lay Dying” , by William Faulkner to read.
…..I’ve made a note for myself to watch the series ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’.
…..I’ve purchased book to read by Jane Hirshfield (thank you Amy)
November 17, 2022
Thank you, Random House, for the gifted physical copy. I also purchased my own copy of the audiobook from Libro.fm.
You know how sometimes you avoid certain emotional book topics at times in your life because you worry they will overwhelm you and hit too hard? I knew I had to read In Love, but I wasn’t sure if the time would ever be right. Three years of caring for my ailing, beloved dad; we’ve been pinged back and forth from one setback to the next.
Much like I remember a song I heard at a certain time in my life, I can remember the books I read, when and why, and most importantly, how they made me feel, and especially how they shaped my life.
One such book was When All Is Said. Anne Griffin’s gorgeous, heartfelt, emotional book changed a major dynamic in my relationship with my dad and both of my aging parents. When my brother passed away, and my parents began to need me more, at first, I felt like I had to “parent” them. I thought they should just listen to me because I know better.
Through the struggles of the main character in the book, I discovered I absolutely don’t know better, and my parents should be in charge of the course of their own lives. It’s their journeys, after all. Allowing them to guide gives me much more peace. Could I have learned that lesson from another book, or even without the book? Maybe? But I hadn’t until then, and the timing was important.
Timing was everything. I just saw I read When All Is Said less than a month before my dad fell, resulting in a hospital stay, then physical rehab, and later with injuries of which he would never fully recover, and a three year stay in long term care. I don’t think the timing of reading the book was a coincidence.
Which leads me to In Love. I seek out books on grief. I know that it’s is a journey with no end. I know we grow around our grief. Losing my brother was a terrible loss, which left me an “only” child, but also not an only child. I continue to process my life without him present, especially as it comes to guiding my parents. I added In Love to my shelf because of that need to relate to and process grief, but also because I read that it addresses assisted or accompanied suicide.
I both read and listened to In Love. The audio is over-the-top exceptional. Amy Bloom sharing her own story with her beloved Brian, it’s remarkable. This is a slim memoir. The audio and book fly by quickly. The writing is precise, as with all of Bloom’s books. I’m already a huge fan of Amy Bloom’s work, and now I’m a fan of her. The love she and Brian had for each other is awe-inspiring. The gist of the book is that Brian has been diagnosed with earlier onset Alzheimer’s, and he has choices to make as he begins to decline rapidly. And Amy Bloom is there for him every step of the way.
My beloved dad passed away yesterday, less than 12 hours after I finished In Love, covered in tears. Just like with Anne Griffin’s book, I don’t think it’s a coincidence I was reading this so close to Dad’s passing.
This is why I read. Books give me insight I may never have had. They help me feel seen. They help me understand others, especially those I love, and even more than that, they help me understand myself.
My Goodreads family has been a big part of my life these last years, and where in the past, I have kept many things close and private, this is a tremendous loss. One legacy Dad left me with was his love for books and reading. His local town had a decent-sized library, and he read every book of interest and had begun re-reading them in short order. His favorites were anything set out west, including Louis L’Amour, owning all of his books and re-reading each of them more times than I could count.
Dad could always be found with a well-worn book in his hand because he loved on them, breaking the spines, turning the covers back and wrapping them around. I am the opposite; keeping my books in pristine, unread-looking condition, playing it a little “safe” with my books. Dad lived large and loved big. He dared to dream and kept dreaming until his last days even when he could no longer focus enough to enjoy reading. A writer and trained vocalist, he gifted his family with memories of long road trips filled with his storytelling and all the songs he loved most. He was loved as he lived - big, and he will be infinitely missed.
“Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket. Never let it fade away.”
(I edited this a little, and I’m sure I’ll revisit it).
Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com and instagram: www.instagram.com/tarheelreader
You know how sometimes you avoid certain emotional book topics at times in your life because you worry they will overwhelm you and hit too hard? I knew I had to read In Love, but I wasn’t sure if the time would ever be right. Three years of caring for my ailing, beloved dad; we’ve been pinged back and forth from one setback to the next.
Much like I remember a song I heard at a certain time in my life, I can remember the books I read, when and why, and most importantly, how they made me feel, and especially how they shaped my life.
One such book was When All Is Said. Anne Griffin’s gorgeous, heartfelt, emotional book changed a major dynamic in my relationship with my dad and both of my aging parents. When my brother passed away, and my parents began to need me more, at first, I felt like I had to “parent” them. I thought they should just listen to me because I know better.
Through the struggles of the main character in the book, I discovered I absolutely don’t know better, and my parents should be in charge of the course of their own lives. It’s their journeys, after all. Allowing them to guide gives me much more peace. Could I have learned that lesson from another book, or even without the book? Maybe? But I hadn’t until then, and the timing was important.
Timing was everything. I just saw I read When All Is Said less than a month before my dad fell, resulting in a hospital stay, then physical rehab, and later with injuries of which he would never fully recover, and a three year stay in long term care. I don’t think the timing of reading the book was a coincidence.
Which leads me to In Love. I seek out books on grief. I know that it’s is a journey with no end. I know we grow around our grief. Losing my brother was a terrible loss, which left me an “only” child, but also not an only child. I continue to process my life without him present, especially as it comes to guiding my parents. I added In Love to my shelf because of that need to relate to and process grief, but also because I read that it addresses assisted or accompanied suicide.
I both read and listened to In Love. The audio is over-the-top exceptional. Amy Bloom sharing her own story with her beloved Brian, it’s remarkable. This is a slim memoir. The audio and book fly by quickly. The writing is precise, as with all of Bloom’s books. I’m already a huge fan of Amy Bloom’s work, and now I’m a fan of her. The love she and Brian had for each other is awe-inspiring. The gist of the book is that Brian has been diagnosed with earlier onset Alzheimer’s, and he has choices to make as he begins to decline rapidly. And Amy Bloom is there for him every step of the way.
My beloved dad passed away yesterday, less than 12 hours after I finished In Love, covered in tears. Just like with Anne Griffin’s book, I don’t think it’s a coincidence I was reading this so close to Dad’s passing.
This is why I read. Books give me insight I may never have had. They help me feel seen. They help me understand others, especially those I love, and even more than that, they help me understand myself.
My Goodreads family has been a big part of my life these last years, and where in the past, I have kept many things close and private, this is a tremendous loss. One legacy Dad left me with was his love for books and reading. His local town had a decent-sized library, and he read every book of interest and had begun re-reading them in short order. His favorites were anything set out west, including Louis L’Amour, owning all of his books and re-reading each of them more times than I could count.
Dad could always be found with a well-worn book in his hand because he loved on them, breaking the spines, turning the covers back and wrapping them around. I am the opposite; keeping my books in pristine, unread-looking condition, playing it a little “safe” with my books. Dad lived large and loved big. He dared to dream and kept dreaming until his last days even when he could no longer focus enough to enjoy reading. A writer and trained vocalist, he gifted his family with memories of long road trips filled with his storytelling and all the songs he loved most. He was loved as he lived - big, and he will be infinitely missed.
“Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket. Never let it fade away.”
(I edited this a little, and I’m sure I’ll revisit it).
Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com and instagram: www.instagram.com/tarheelreader
May 7, 2022
Amy Bloom has written a beautiful, moving book about her husband’s diagnosis with early Alzheimer’s and his decision to end his life. It’s truly a love story.
Some people might think it’s a form of torture to read a memoir about Alzheimer’s when you’re in a similar situation. But I found it enlightening. And I appreciated her candor, which made me realize my feelings, especially anger and frustration, are not unique or unrealistic. It doesn’t mean the love has gone but that to be in control at all times just isn’t going to happen. Brian is a little further down the road than my husband (who is not young). It was like reading up about a town you’re getting ready to visit.
Brian’s decision was not one we would make but it was easy to understand and sympathize with.
Dealing as it does with assisted suicide and death with dignity, this is an important story for everyone to read and ponder the issue. There are many reasons it could be considered, Alzheimer’s is just one.
I listened to this and Amy does a wonderful job narrating her own story.
Some people might think it’s a form of torture to read a memoir about Alzheimer’s when you’re in a similar situation. But I found it enlightening. And I appreciated her candor, which made me realize my feelings, especially anger and frustration, are not unique or unrealistic. It doesn’t mean the love has gone but that to be in control at all times just isn’t going to happen. Brian is a little further down the road than my husband (who is not young). It was like reading up about a town you’re getting ready to visit.
Brian’s decision was not one we would make but it was easy to understand and sympathize with.
Dealing as it does with assisted suicide and death with dignity, this is an important story for everyone to read and ponder the issue. There are many reasons it could be considered, Alzheimer’s is just one.
I listened to this and Amy does a wonderful job narrating her own story.
May 18, 2023
Imagine the love of your life is diagnosed with Alzheimer's and he turns lovingly to you and states, "I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees." He asks you to find a way that he can end life on his own terms.
The author, Amy Bloom, and her husband, Brian, were married for 14 years before his diagnosis. She began researching the US states that allow assisted suicide as well as the DIY methods. She discovered an organization, Dignitas, in Zurich, Switzerland that has provided accommodated suicide for decades for those who are of sound mind to make the decision, along with other criteria.
I listened to In Love: A Memoir of Love and Loss and it is narrated poignantly by Amy Bloom. She describes how she and Brian met, their marriage, and their trip to Zurich.
The author, Amy Bloom, and her husband, Brian, were married for 14 years before his diagnosis. She began researching the US states that allow assisted suicide as well as the DIY methods. She discovered an organization, Dignitas, in Zurich, Switzerland that has provided accommodated suicide for decades for those who are of sound mind to make the decision, along with other criteria.
I listened to In Love: A Memoir of Love and Loss and it is narrated poignantly by Amy Bloom. She describes how she and Brian met, their marriage, and their trip to Zurich.
August 20, 2022
Author Amy Bloom writes about her husband Brian’s diagnosis of Alzheimer’s and his decision to end his life by assisted suicide.
He wanted her to write about it.
She tells of his symptoms, the progression of the disease, the process of obtaining help from Dignitas in Switzerland.. (its a very thorough process)… and about the process itself.
In between all the end of life details she tells their personal story of their meeting, marriage, family and often times it is quite humorous.
This is a memorable memoir..
He wanted her to write about it.
She tells of his symptoms, the progression of the disease, the process of obtaining help from Dignitas in Switzerland.. (its a very thorough process)… and about the process itself.
In between all the end of life details she tells their personal story of their meeting, marriage, family and often times it is quite humorous.
This is a memorable memoir..
March 26, 2022
Told in the voice of the author, Amy Bloom, this indeed was a labor of love and undying emotion, dedication and most importantly love. Brian, Amy's husband wanted her to write about this.
Whether you believe in assists suicide or not, this is a book that will touch your heart and soul. It is a book of a love between a man and a woman, one so deep rooted that they each are willing to let the other go.
Afflicted by the dreaded disease we know as Alzheimer’s, Amy Bloom’s husband, Brian, had decided to end his life. Amy is devastated and as they investigate and go through the process necessary to qualify for Dignitas in Switzerland, we journey with the couple sharing their thoughts conversations, and family, and trying to walk their walk.
I don’t know if that choice was in my husband or my future whether I would be brave enough to travel down that road.
There are many who would disagree with this loving couples' choice, but in the end who are we to judge? I know this was probably the hardest decision they made together, yet it involved Brian's choice and Amy’s support of a man she loved so much.
It’s the most difficult decision to give up the one you love and yet does it not show incredible love and fortitude to do so?
"He falls asleep holding my hand," Bloom writes. "His breathing changes, and it's the last time I will hear him sleeping, breathing deeply and steadily, the way he has done lying beside me for almost 15 years."
I was indeed moved reading this, but know that Amy wasn’t ever selfish, just loving and giving Brian the dignity and choice he so desired.
As Brian said, "I would rather die on my feet, than live on my knees." Brian died with Amy by his side on January 30, 2022.
Whether you believe in assists suicide or not, this is a book that will touch your heart and soul. It is a book of a love between a man and a woman, one so deep rooted that they each are willing to let the other go.
Afflicted by the dreaded disease we know as Alzheimer’s, Amy Bloom’s husband, Brian, had decided to end his life. Amy is devastated and as they investigate and go through the process necessary to qualify for Dignitas in Switzerland, we journey with the couple sharing their thoughts conversations, and family, and trying to walk their walk.
I don’t know if that choice was in my husband or my future whether I would be brave enough to travel down that road.
There are many who would disagree with this loving couples' choice, but in the end who are we to judge? I know this was probably the hardest decision they made together, yet it involved Brian's choice and Amy’s support of a man she loved so much.
It’s the most difficult decision to give up the one you love and yet does it not show incredible love and fortitude to do so?
"He falls asleep holding my hand," Bloom writes. "His breathing changes, and it's the last time I will hear him sleeping, breathing deeply and steadily, the way he has done lying beside me for almost 15 years."
I was indeed moved reading this, but know that Amy wasn’t ever selfish, just loving and giving Brian the dignity and choice he so desired.
As Brian said, "I would rather die on my feet, than live on my knees." Brian died with Amy by his side on January 30, 2022.
August 19, 2023
This is about Amy Bloom and her husband Brian’s journey after he makes the decision to end his life by assisted suicide following a diagnosis of early on-set dementia.
As a Stage 4 cancer patient myself, in remission for a couple of years now, the idea of being in control of one’s final moments has some appeal. This pesky cancer of mine is incurable and will probably snaffle me up one day. The idea and ability of having the choice of when and where to die, and with whom – is important to me and many others experiencing similar circumstances.
It seems legislation lags the will of the majority on this issue. Brian and Amy therefore cannot follow this course of action in the US and decide to use the services of a company in Zurich, Switzerland, called Dignitas.
This is a heavy, emotional journey. The reader is likely to love Amy and Brian – I did. Not a perfect couple by any means – who is? But totally in love. We follow the onerous application process, Brian’s condition, their story, their lives, and the end. It’s not all sad. It’s even amusing at times – as these things often are. Some of the funniest moments I’ve experienced have happened chatting over a jigsaw puzzle in an oncology waiting room, or dressed in a gown sitting next to some other old codger exchanging unfortunate tales waiting for our blast of radiation.
Having said that – when the event finally occurs and Brian takes the anti-emetic, followed by the sodium pentobarbitol, and the colour and life drain from his body while holding his wife’s hand. A fist punched me and pulled my heart, lungs, and innards out of my body, and even though I knew it was coming, it hit me like a truck.
Brian was so brave. Amy is so brave.
5 Stars
As a Stage 4 cancer patient myself, in remission for a couple of years now, the idea of being in control of one’s final moments has some appeal. This pesky cancer of mine is incurable and will probably snaffle me up one day. The idea and ability of having the choice of when and where to die, and with whom – is important to me and many others experiencing similar circumstances.
It seems legislation lags the will of the majority on this issue. Brian and Amy therefore cannot follow this course of action in the US and decide to use the services of a company in Zurich, Switzerland, called Dignitas.
This is a heavy, emotional journey. The reader is likely to love Amy and Brian – I did. Not a perfect couple by any means – who is? But totally in love. We follow the onerous application process, Brian’s condition, their story, their lives, and the end. It’s not all sad. It’s even amusing at times – as these things often are. Some of the funniest moments I’ve experienced have happened chatting over a jigsaw puzzle in an oncology waiting room, or dressed in a gown sitting next to some other old codger exchanging unfortunate tales waiting for our blast of radiation.
Having said that – when the event finally occurs and Brian takes the anti-emetic, followed by the sodium pentobarbitol, and the colour and life drain from his body while holding his wife’s hand. A fist punched me and pulled my heart, lungs, and innards out of my body, and even though I knew it was coming, it hit me like a truck.
Brian was so brave. Amy is so brave.
5 Stars
April 13, 2022
I finished this last week but it has taken me this long to sort out my thoughts, feelings after reading this searing book. I was emotionally slayed by the honesty, her very real thoughts as she came to terms with bother husband's diagnosis and decision to end his life in assisted suicide. I wondered if I could have the courage to do what my loved one wanted but then again the other side of the coin is to make him stay and watch him become less than. She openly displays her life, the before, the present and the after. It is happy, full of life and love, and then sadness, and an ending.
Alzheimers is a terrible thing, no cure, no definitive timetable, just slow disintegration, a unstoppable eroding of all a person is or was. Terrible, but this book, this powerful book, shows the joy that came before, the frustration during and a possible choice, albeit a hard one. I applaud this author for sharing her life and decisions during this difficult time.
Alzheimers is a terrible thing, no cure, no definitive timetable, just slow disintegration, a unstoppable eroding of all a person is or was. Terrible, but this book, this powerful book, shows the joy that came before, the frustration during and a possible choice, albeit a hard one. I applaud this author for sharing her life and decisions during this difficult time.
April 9, 2022
An emotionally powerful, beautifully written, and unflinching memoir. I listened to this courageous and memorable story of “accompanied suicide.” I was shattered with the ending.
The memoir was deeply thought-provoking and sometimes difficult for me to comprehend. I can only hope that I would face a comparable situation with as much courage and grace as Brian Ameche and Amy Bloom.
The memoir was deeply thought-provoking and sometimes difficult for me to comprehend. I can only hope that I would face a comparable situation with as much courage and grace as Brian Ameche and Amy Bloom.
April 15, 2022
I appreciated Amy Bloom’s courage and honesty in talking about her late husband’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis and her decision to help him die of assisted suicide through the organization Dignitas. I feel like she cut through the stigma surrounding assisted suicide with her clear and heartfelt writing about her emotions throughout the decision process and her love for Brian. As other reviewers have said, Bloom wrote with much-needed candor about the toll of caretaking for someone with Alzheimer’s, an experience only heightened in this case by her deep care for her husband and his autonomy and wellbeing.
I had a few qualms with this memoir. First, in different places throughout the book Bloom inserted side comments (e.g., toward the beginning she ends a paragraph with her daughter saying that she and Brian have traits of sociopaths, almost like a joke) that distracted from the core emotions communicated in the memoir. Instead of these side comments I felt curious to know more about her grieving process after Brian’s passing and more about the formation of their bond. Also, toward the end of the memoir, Bloom writes about seeing a Black man at an airport, imagining spending a pleasant evening with him, and then calling 911 on the Black man. Like what?? I get that she was grieving and at the same time that’s not an excuse to write something unnecessary and racist about imagining calling the police on a Black person. Ugh.
Overall an okay read and much warmth to Bloom in her grieving process. It’s nice to know that Brian had someone by his side who cared for him so much and empowered him in his decision-making after receiving the Alzheimer’s diagnosis.
I had a few qualms with this memoir. First, in different places throughout the book Bloom inserted side comments (e.g., toward the beginning she ends a paragraph with her daughter saying that she and Brian have traits of sociopaths, almost like a joke) that distracted from the core emotions communicated in the memoir. Instead of these side comments I felt curious to know more about her grieving process after Brian’s passing and more about the formation of their bond. Also, toward the end of the memoir, Bloom writes about seeing a Black man at an airport, imagining spending a pleasant evening with him, and then calling 911 on the Black man. Like what?? I get that she was grieving and at the same time that’s not an excuse to write something unnecessary and racist about imagining calling the police on a Black person. Ugh.
Overall an okay read and much warmth to Bloom in her grieving process. It’s nice to know that Brian had someone by his side who cared for him so much and empowered him in his decision-making after receiving the Alzheimer’s diagnosis.
April 5, 2025
I want to thank GR friend, Mark Porton for making me aware of this book. His review is here: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show....
Sometimes there are special times for these books, and this is one of those times.
This is a deeply moving story about New York Times bestselling author, Amy Bloom’s emotional journey with her husband Brian, who chooses to end his life after he has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
This is a heart-wrenching, yet heart-felt story that begins with one opening sentence by her husband in which he says, “Please write about this.”
How many times have we sat around and watched our loved ones suffer?
I took care of my mother for the last 4 years of her life. She eventually died of Dementia with Lewy Bodies, a form of Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease. It is horrible to watch a person who was once vibrant and capable and a talented oil painting artist, suddenly unable to care for herself – who lived with hallucinations and fear and uncertainty. Who became child-like and incapable of doing anything for herself. As her adult child, it broke my heart to watch her decline. All I could do was manage her care, as best I could and advocate for her, as best I could, under the conditions that were available to us.
So, I get what Amy and Brian needed to do. The decisions that they chose to make. To make a choice to die in a way that is not painful, frightening, traumatic or illegal.
We do it for our animals, and yet we don’t provide these same humane decisions for humans.
The couple finally found Dignitas, “an organization in Switzerland that empowers a person to end their own life with dignity and peace.”
Bloom shares the story in parts. Her husband’s disease. The closing chapters. As readers we know the end is coming. And even as it does, it still feels like a shock. Maybe because we spent so much time getting to know Brian and going through everything with him – telling the kids, his siblings, even his elderly mother and friends their intentions.
The hardest part of this book – when you think about it – in the end – is the title of this book. It really is about being…
In Love.
The things we do for love.
Because in the end – Amy was a widow. Is a widow. Without Brian. And even at the memorial, we are so aware that he is the only one missing – and not there, so to speak.
But that is not how she ends this story. Again, it is all about the Love. And that really is how we should always remember a love story. What both Brian and Amy shared with each other.
The decisions they made together. In Love.
Thank you again, Mark. For this book recommendation. I am truly feeling immense gratitude for this reading experience.
Sometimes there are special times for these books, and this is one of those times.
This is a deeply moving story about New York Times bestselling author, Amy Bloom’s emotional journey with her husband Brian, who chooses to end his life after he has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
This is a heart-wrenching, yet heart-felt story that begins with one opening sentence by her husband in which he says, “Please write about this.”
How many times have we sat around and watched our loved ones suffer?
I took care of my mother for the last 4 years of her life. She eventually died of Dementia with Lewy Bodies, a form of Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease. It is horrible to watch a person who was once vibrant and capable and a talented oil painting artist, suddenly unable to care for herself – who lived with hallucinations and fear and uncertainty. Who became child-like and incapable of doing anything for herself. As her adult child, it broke my heart to watch her decline. All I could do was manage her care, as best I could and advocate for her, as best I could, under the conditions that were available to us.
So, I get what Amy and Brian needed to do. The decisions that they chose to make. To make a choice to die in a way that is not painful, frightening, traumatic or illegal.
We do it for our animals, and yet we don’t provide these same humane decisions for humans.
The couple finally found Dignitas, “an organization in Switzerland that empowers a person to end their own life with dignity and peace.”
Bloom shares the story in parts. Her husband’s disease. The closing chapters. As readers we know the end is coming. And even as it does, it still feels like a shock. Maybe because we spent so much time getting to know Brian and going through everything with him – telling the kids, his siblings, even his elderly mother and friends their intentions.
The hardest part of this book – when you think about it – in the end – is the title of this book. It really is about being…
In Love.
The things we do for love.
Because in the end – Amy was a widow. Is a widow. Without Brian. And even at the memorial, we are so aware that he is the only one missing – and not there, so to speak.
But that is not how she ends this story. Again, it is all about the Love. And that really is how we should always remember a love story. What both Brian and Amy shared with each other.
The decisions they made together. In Love.
Thank you again, Mark. For this book recommendation. I am truly feeling immense gratitude for this reading experience.
November 17, 2021
Amy Bloom writes with the full bandwidth of her humanity. I’ve read and loved all of her previous books, so I had no doubt I’d feel the same about her new memoir, In Love.
Fall in love with In Love. It’s effortless. What sounds like a grim topic—the “accompanied suicide” of Amy’s Alzheimer’s-stricken husband, Brian—is anything but. That’s because Amy tells the whole truth. There is no shying away from her own sometimes demonic rage or grief, including a hysterically funny passage about what she imagined her fakakta Jewish family saying as the gatekeeper at Dignitas, the suicide place in Zurich, was speaking pleasantries. There is full disclosure of her sometimes sociopathic sense of right and wrong, her crying fits, and the inability of either her or Brian to find their way out of a parking lot even before he had dementia. There is a journalist’s recounting of the difficulty of finding any help with compassionate suicide (even in states that allow euthanasia). So this book is moving, entertaining, and extremely educational, and you do not have to be interested in the subject to be swept up in the story. And, oh yes, per the title, there is love, deep love. And, oh oh yes, you feel every single thing because Amy Bloom feels it.
Amy Bloom writes like a bedeviled angel. She is a self-described Rottweiler—one of my favorite breeds, powerful dogs who display their enormity in both love and protection. She is one of our greatest living American writers.
***
Thanks to Random House for the ARC.
Fall in love with In Love. It’s effortless. What sounds like a grim topic—the “accompanied suicide” of Amy’s Alzheimer’s-stricken husband, Brian—is anything but. That’s because Amy tells the whole truth. There is no shying away from her own sometimes demonic rage or grief, including a hysterically funny passage about what she imagined her fakakta Jewish family saying as the gatekeeper at Dignitas, the suicide place in Zurich, was speaking pleasantries. There is full disclosure of her sometimes sociopathic sense of right and wrong, her crying fits, and the inability of either her or Brian to find their way out of a parking lot even before he had dementia. There is a journalist’s recounting of the difficulty of finding any help with compassionate suicide (even in states that allow euthanasia). So this book is moving, entertaining, and extremely educational, and you do not have to be interested in the subject to be swept up in the story. And, oh yes, per the title, there is love, deep love. And, oh oh yes, you feel every single thing because Amy Bloom feels it.
Amy Bloom writes like a bedeviled angel. She is a self-described Rottweiler—one of my favorite breeds, powerful dogs who display their enormity in both love and protection. She is one of our greatest living American writers.
***
Thanks to Random House for the ARC.
February 7, 2025
In Bloom's memoir, In Love: A Memoir of Love and Loss, she writes about her husband Brian's choice of death rather than life after being diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.
Bloom takes the reader through an eye-opening end-of-life process that is not medically assisted death, but rather termed as accompanied suicide by the facility that provides supervision of the process in Zurich, Switzerland.
This memoir is about much more than Brian's choice though. It's about Brian and Amy's life together: their love and marriage, children and grandchildren, extended families and friends. She shares all the pieces and parts in detail and frankness.
However, periodically throughout the book, I felt a lack of emotion in the writing as if it was narrated from a distance. It makes sense though, as Amy recounted the roller-coaster of emotions after Brian's diagnosis. Her deep dive and determination to find a quiet, painless way out for her husband weighed heavily on her. She exhibited strength and support to him through the entire process and held his hand at the end.
Brian asked Amy to write about their experience and she did. This short memoir is both joyous and heartbreaking!
4.5⭐
Bloom takes the reader through an eye-opening end-of-life process that is not medically assisted death, but rather termed as accompanied suicide by the facility that provides supervision of the process in Zurich, Switzerland.
This memoir is about much more than Brian's choice though. It's about Brian and Amy's life together: their love and marriage, children and grandchildren, extended families and friends. She shares all the pieces and parts in detail and frankness.
However, periodically throughout the book, I felt a lack of emotion in the writing as if it was narrated from a distance. It makes sense though, as Amy recounted the roller-coaster of emotions after Brian's diagnosis. Her deep dive and determination to find a quiet, painless way out for her husband weighed heavily on her. She exhibited strength and support to him through the entire process and held his hand at the end.
Brian asked Amy to write about their experience and she did. This short memoir is both joyous and heartbreaking!
4.5⭐
April 18, 2022
As a person who supports assisted suicide and right to die, I went into this book looking for insight as to what this process feels like. I have a better understanding of how this looks in the USA compared to other countries, how agonizing the application and approval process can be, and what the act itself looks like. But what was missing was connection to the people involved. I never felt like I connected with Amy or Brian. I felt like I only learned cursory details and therefore when reading about what must have been a wrenching experience it came across as almost… ordinary. The whole explanation had a ho-hum, rinse and repeat tenor to it. Maybe it’s because I listened to the audio version and her voice was very matter of fact about it all. It just didn’t land for me, but I’m grateful to Amy and Brian for being so open about their experience.
December 29, 2021
Full disclosure.: months ago, my husband passed away. My role as caregiver was hard, unappreciated, confusing, and ultimately devastating because the best I could do was tell my husband that it was alright to die. So, I read Amy Bloom's book about the death of her husband from Alzheimer's , in part, to validate my own experience.
Bloom, and Her husband, Brian, were second-time-around sweethearts and while their preference for activities (Brian was an outdoorsman. Amy's home was her castle) didn't completely mesh, they gave and took enough to make their marriage work. It worked until the day Amy began to notice subtle, then disturbing changes in Brian's behavior. Numerous doctor's visits came to one conclusion, Brian, a former football player, had Alzheimers.
When the symptoms became too pronounced for denial, Brian made a decision. He wanted to end his life on his own terms. But, in America, that is not an easy task. The few states that allow for assisted suicide require residency. There is no tourism suicide in the US.
So, Amy looked further and found that a company in Switzerland took patients from overseas. The run up to the fatal day was grueling. Local neurologists, psychiatrists, and therapists did not want to give Amy and Brian the papers confirming his diagnosis while also confirming that his mind was sound enough to make this staggering decision.
As the clock ticked, Amy took on more and more responsibility for Brian's daily life and for the pursuit of the documents they needed to open the door for Brian's life ending journey.
Amy talks about crying a lot, I know she is telling the truth. It's what happens to the caregiver, even more so to a caregiver wishing for her spouse's death to relieve him from his torture. This is a three hanky, or three boxes of tissue, book. Every time Amy cried, every time she expressed anger and frustration at the medical system that won't acknowledge the severity of the patient's condition and offers useless platitudes ,I raged right along with her
Brian got his death wish. Amy was caught in the conflict of letting her terminally ill husband go, or praying for a recovery she knew would never come.
I can only say that this book comes from a place of truth. It should be required reading for any grief group, not just Alzheimer's groups of which there are many.
Thank you to Amy Bloom for taking a huge risk and giving words to the horrible journey that so many caregivers go on. This is a remarkable, soul bearing book and should give "misery loves company" comfort to all of those who are walking the same path. It should also be read in it's entirety to Congress and State Legislators so that those who suffer do not have to travel to Switzerland to lay down their burden. Highly, highly recommended.
Bloom, and Her husband, Brian, were second-time-around sweethearts and while their preference for activities (Brian was an outdoorsman. Amy's home was her castle) didn't completely mesh, they gave and took enough to make their marriage work. It worked until the day Amy began to notice subtle, then disturbing changes in Brian's behavior. Numerous doctor's visits came to one conclusion, Brian, a former football player, had Alzheimers.
When the symptoms became too pronounced for denial, Brian made a decision. He wanted to end his life on his own terms. But, in America, that is not an easy task. The few states that allow for assisted suicide require residency. There is no tourism suicide in the US.
So, Amy looked further and found that a company in Switzerland took patients from overseas. The run up to the fatal day was grueling. Local neurologists, psychiatrists, and therapists did not want to give Amy and Brian the papers confirming his diagnosis while also confirming that his mind was sound enough to make this staggering decision.
As the clock ticked, Amy took on more and more responsibility for Brian's daily life and for the pursuit of the documents they needed to open the door for Brian's life ending journey.
Amy talks about crying a lot, I know she is telling the truth. It's what happens to the caregiver, even more so to a caregiver wishing for her spouse's death to relieve him from his torture. This is a three hanky, or three boxes of tissue, book. Every time Amy cried, every time she expressed anger and frustration at the medical system that won't acknowledge the severity of the patient's condition and offers useless platitudes ,I raged right along with her
Brian got his death wish. Amy was caught in the conflict of letting her terminally ill husband go, or praying for a recovery she knew would never come.
I can only say that this book comes from a place of truth. It should be required reading for any grief group, not just Alzheimer's groups of which there are many.
Thank you to Amy Bloom for taking a huge risk and giving words to the horrible journey that so many caregivers go on. This is a remarkable, soul bearing book and should give "misery loves company" comfort to all of those who are walking the same path. It should also be read in it's entirety to Congress and State Legislators so that those who suffer do not have to travel to Switzerland to lay down their burden. Highly, highly recommended.
April 9, 2022
Oddly shallow for the issues it was exploring.
June 29, 2023
In Love: A Memoir of Love and Loss by Amy Bloom is a love story that transcends death. The author has written from her heart about her life with her husband Brian. It’s a book of pure joy and pure sorrow. When diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, Brian makes the brave decision to leave his beautiful life before he becomes incapacitated. In Love is about the journey the couple undertook together. Highly recommended.
Read
August 22, 2024Amy Bloom vocaliza de forma corajosa e assertiva a frustração, o medo, o cansaço, o desespero e a sensação de impotência que só pode sentir quem é ou quem foi cuidador principal de uma pessoa com uma doença terminal ou degenerativa, seja ela mental ou física.
Começo a barafustar contra o sistema de saúde americano, contra a nossa recusa em deixar as pessoas morrerem de um modo digno e confortável, contra o dinheiro que muita gente ganha à custa do sofrimento alheio, contra os médicos incapazes de enfrentar os seus próprios limites em prol das necessidades dos doentes. (..) Eu digo palavrões a torto e a direito, palavrões pouco imaginativos.
“Ninguém pode falar sobre isto”, digo. “Ninguém parece saber o que está a fazer. Não há, literalmente, forma de tratar a doença. A mais avançada investigação do mundo diz apenas: Comam a porra dos mirtilos. E vejam lá se dormem o suficiente.”
“Amor e Perda”, que ouvi narrado pela própria autora, provocou-me calafrios praticamente desde o início e levou-me a comprar o livro em formato físico e a relê-lo. É, ainda assim, um livro que traz consolo e paz por saber que Amy e o seu marido conseguiram aquilo que almejavam desde que receberam o diagnóstico de Alzheimer, cerca de três anos antes: que Brian conseguisse suicidar-se com ajuda médica antes de perder por completo a memória e as capacidades cognitivas, antes basicamente que a sua mente morresse muito antes do resto do corpo, deixando-o praticamente em estado vegetativo e induzindo aqueles que o rodeiam, como diz a autora de uma amiga, a desejar “que a pessoa amada se esqueça de como engolir”.
A escritora Amy Bloom estava casada em segundas núpcias com Brian Ameche, de 65 anos, há somente 13 anos quando este recebeu o diagnóstico peremptório de doença de Alzheimer, no fundo, a amarga confirmação das suspeitas da mulher. Brian era um homem afável, charmoso, activo, um arquitecto recém-reformado, um homem de causas como a Planned Parenthood, uma organização pró-aborto, que demorou menos de uma semana a decidir “que não queria sujeitar-se à “longa despedida” do Alzheimer”.
Às vezes, ponho-me a pensar que uma esposa melhor, decerto uma esposa muito diferente, teria dito que não, teria insistido em manter o marido neste mundo até que o seu corpo desistisse de existir. Parece-me que estou a fazer a coisa certa, ao apoiar o Brian na sua decisão, mas seria melhor e mais fácil se ele conseguisse tratar de tudo sozinho e eu fosse apenas o patinho obediente que seguisse atrás dele. Claro que, se conseguisse tratar de tudo sozinho, não teria Alzheimer.
Coube-lhe, então, a ela pesquisar na Internet uma forma mais ou menos legal, infalível e o menos dolorosa possível de Brian pôr termo à vida, num país onde só em alguns estados a morte medicamente assistida é permita a quem tem menos de seis meses de vida, depois de pelo menos duas pessoas chegadas se oferecerem para lhe dar um tiro “acidental” durante uma caçada e outra para lhe emprestar a garagem. Foi assim que acabou por encontrar a Dignitas, na Suíça.
Segundo os dados recolhidos pela Dignitas, 70% das pessoas que recebem a luz verde provisória nunca mais voltam a contactar a Dignitas: basta-lhes a certeza dessa possibilidade, a garantia da opção em aberto. Não foi o nosso caso.
Em “Amor e Perda” acompanhamos também esse processo até ao derradeiro momento, quando Brian bebe o pentobarbital de sódio de mão dada com a mulher, com vários flashbacks respeitantes aos anos felizes do casal e aos primeiros sinais de que algo não estaria bem. Amy Bloom é brutalmente honesta neste seu relato e, tal como não se coíbe de expressar o amor pelo marido e o sofrimento que a ideia da sua precoce partida lhe causa, também não se acobarda na confissão da exaustão mental que é conviver com uma pessoa que aos poucos deixa de ser independente e começa a perder a sua personalidade.
Todos os actos que impliquem a interrupção voluntária da vida são controversos e ferem susceptibilidades, mas pessoalmente faço minhas as palavras inequívocas de Amy Bloom:
Se pensas que uma vida longa é de grande valor só porque se trata do único tempo de que dispomos aqui na Terra, ou porque aprecias o que Deus te atribuiu, ou porque acreditas que pode existir a possibilidade de um tratamento, ou cura, para o que nos apoquenta na nossa vida, bastando para isso que o tempo de existência seja suficientemente longo – então, a tua visão é muito diferente da minha.
“Amor e Perda” é um livro tocante, que termina com um voto de casamento, uma promessa de amor eterno.
Sinto que ainda tenho mais coisas para lhe dizer, mas não consigo. Estamos de mãos dadas, encostados um ao outro, agarrados. Sussurro-lhe ao ouvido, Todos os dias da minha vida, e ele murmura, Todos os dias da minha vida.
Começo a barafustar contra o sistema de saúde americano, contra a nossa recusa em deixar as pessoas morrerem de um modo digno e confortável, contra o dinheiro que muita gente ganha à custa do sofrimento alheio, contra os médicos incapazes de enfrentar os seus próprios limites em prol das necessidades dos doentes. (..) Eu digo palavrões a torto e a direito, palavrões pouco imaginativos.
“Ninguém pode falar sobre isto”, digo. “Ninguém parece saber o que está a fazer. Não há, literalmente, forma de tratar a doença. A mais avançada investigação do mundo diz apenas: Comam a porra dos mirtilos. E vejam lá se dormem o suficiente.”
“Amor e Perda”, que ouvi narrado pela própria autora, provocou-me calafrios praticamente desde o início e levou-me a comprar o livro em formato físico e a relê-lo. É, ainda assim, um livro que traz consolo e paz por saber que Amy e o seu marido conseguiram aquilo que almejavam desde que receberam o diagnóstico de Alzheimer, cerca de três anos antes: que Brian conseguisse suicidar-se com ajuda médica antes de perder por completo a memória e as capacidades cognitivas, antes basicamente que a sua mente morresse muito antes do resto do corpo, deixando-o praticamente em estado vegetativo e induzindo aqueles que o rodeiam, como diz a autora de uma amiga, a desejar “que a pessoa amada se esqueça de como engolir”.
A escritora Amy Bloom estava casada em segundas núpcias com Brian Ameche, de 65 anos, há somente 13 anos quando este recebeu o diagnóstico peremptório de doença de Alzheimer, no fundo, a amarga confirmação das suspeitas da mulher. Brian era um homem afável, charmoso, activo, um arquitecto recém-reformado, um homem de causas como a Planned Parenthood, uma organização pró-aborto, que demorou menos de uma semana a decidir “que não queria sujeitar-se à “longa despedida” do Alzheimer”.
Às vezes, ponho-me a pensar que uma esposa melhor, decerto uma esposa muito diferente, teria dito que não, teria insistido em manter o marido neste mundo até que o seu corpo desistisse de existir. Parece-me que estou a fazer a coisa certa, ao apoiar o Brian na sua decisão, mas seria melhor e mais fácil se ele conseguisse tratar de tudo sozinho e eu fosse apenas o patinho obediente que seguisse atrás dele. Claro que, se conseguisse tratar de tudo sozinho, não teria Alzheimer.
Coube-lhe, então, a ela pesquisar na Internet uma forma mais ou menos legal, infalível e o menos dolorosa possível de Brian pôr termo à vida, num país onde só em alguns estados a morte medicamente assistida é permita a quem tem menos de seis meses de vida, depois de pelo menos duas pessoas chegadas se oferecerem para lhe dar um tiro “acidental” durante uma caçada e outra para lhe emprestar a garagem. Foi assim que acabou por encontrar a Dignitas, na Suíça.
Segundo os dados recolhidos pela Dignitas, 70% das pessoas que recebem a luz verde provisória nunca mais voltam a contactar a Dignitas: basta-lhes a certeza dessa possibilidade, a garantia da opção em aberto. Não foi o nosso caso.
Em “Amor e Perda” acompanhamos também esse processo até ao derradeiro momento, quando Brian bebe o pentobarbital de sódio de mão dada com a mulher, com vários flashbacks respeitantes aos anos felizes do casal e aos primeiros sinais de que algo não estaria bem. Amy Bloom é brutalmente honesta neste seu relato e, tal como não se coíbe de expressar o amor pelo marido e o sofrimento que a ideia da sua precoce partida lhe causa, também não se acobarda na confissão da exaustão mental que é conviver com uma pessoa que aos poucos deixa de ser independente e começa a perder a sua personalidade.
Todos os actos que impliquem a interrupção voluntária da vida são controversos e ferem susceptibilidades, mas pessoalmente faço minhas as palavras inequívocas de Amy Bloom:
Se pensas que uma vida longa é de grande valor só porque se trata do único tempo de que dispomos aqui na Terra, ou porque aprecias o que Deus te atribuiu, ou porque acreditas que pode existir a possibilidade de um tratamento, ou cura, para o que nos apoquenta na nossa vida, bastando para isso que o tempo de existência seja suficientemente longo – então, a tua visão é muito diferente da minha.
“Amor e Perda” é um livro tocante, que termina com um voto de casamento, uma promessa de amor eterno.
Sinto que ainda tenho mais coisas para lhe dizer, mas não consigo. Estamos de mãos dadas, encostados um ao outro, agarrados. Sussurro-lhe ao ouvido, Todos os dias da minha vida, e ele murmura, Todos os dias da minha vida.
April 1, 2022
The last couple of paragraphs moved me. But overall, and with the perspective of caretaking for two family members in cognitive decline, I got the impression her husband Brian was a burden rather than a soul. Not that the author would ever see it that way as her atheism was worn like a badge of honor.
She complains of all the paperwork necessary to get it approved. She rolls her eyes in his last minutes of life because he's talking too much and not about her. She belittles the professionals and friends who don't support the decision.
I just did not feel for her at all. For Brian, yes, and his mother but not her.
She complains of all the paperwork necessary to get it approved. She rolls her eyes in his last minutes of life because he's talking too much and not about her. She belittles the professionals and friends who don't support the decision.
I just did not feel for her at all. For Brian, yes, and his mother but not her.
March 23, 2022
A beautiful story of true love.
When Amy Bloom's husband of 13 years, Brian, begins to act strangely, to screw up at work, to lose interest in the things he loved, a series of doctor's appointments led to a diagnosis of Alzheimer's. There was no time at which Brian wanted to continue the long goodbye of Alzheimer's. When he was losing the ability to lead a full and independent life it was time to check out.
The US does not provide people with the means to end life peacefully. Even in the few right to die states people must be about to die of natural causes to be allowed to die peacefully. This is something that baffles me. All this leave it in God's hands bullshit makes me crazy. If we left it in God's hands we would not have developed all these medical interventions that extend life and we would still die when we were 40, well before the age when most (not all) people face questions about wasting illnesses. In any event, Amy and Brian are left with only one option, Dignitas. If you think it is easy to schedule your end at Dignitas this book will teach you otherwise. It is surprisingly difficult and unsurprisingly expensive to be accepted by Dignitas, and the paperwork is crazy (impossible for those with dementia who do not have a committed love one to help.) And it turns out doctors in the US will try to foil you during the process as you collect necessary health records and psychiatric reports. Bloom details all of this, and also lets us know about her decent, brilliant, loud, loving, and very difficult husband and about their unlikely and enviable love for one another.
This was moving and affirming and heartbreaking but it is never exploitive at all. So many writers would have gone all gooey, but this is as spare as can be. You don't care about these people because Bloom tells a schmaltzy story, or makes them look more vulnerable than any person ever. You care about these people because they are good people, imperfect and good, and they got dealt a terrible hand, and they played their hands with love, grace, maturity and dignity. It is impossible to understand why that is not an option open to everyone.
When Amy Bloom's husband of 13 years, Brian, begins to act strangely, to screw up at work, to lose interest in the things he loved, a series of doctor's appointments led to a diagnosis of Alzheimer's. There was no time at which Brian wanted to continue the long goodbye of Alzheimer's. When he was losing the ability to lead a full and independent life it was time to check out.
The US does not provide people with the means to end life peacefully. Even in the few right to die states people must be about to die of natural causes to be allowed to die peacefully. This is something that baffles me. All this leave it in God's hands bullshit makes me crazy. If we left it in God's hands we would not have developed all these medical interventions that extend life and we would still die when we were 40, well before the age when most (not all) people face questions about wasting illnesses. In any event, Amy and Brian are left with only one option, Dignitas. If you think it is easy to schedule your end at Dignitas this book will teach you otherwise. It is surprisingly difficult and unsurprisingly expensive to be accepted by Dignitas, and the paperwork is crazy (impossible for those with dementia who do not have a committed love one to help.) And it turns out doctors in the US will try to foil you during the process as you collect necessary health records and psychiatric reports. Bloom details all of this, and also lets us know about her decent, brilliant, loud, loving, and very difficult husband and about their unlikely and enviable love for one another.
This was moving and affirming and heartbreaking but it is never exploitive at all. So many writers would have gone all gooey, but this is as spare as can be. You don't care about these people because Bloom tells a schmaltzy story, or makes them look more vulnerable than any person ever. You care about these people because they are good people, imperfect and good, and they got dealt a terrible hand, and they played their hands with love, grace, maturity and dignity. It is impossible to understand why that is not an option open to everyone.
July 4, 2022
It’s not easy to read a non-fiction book about medically assisted suicide. But I imagine it’s much harder to live through your spouse undergoing it and then writing about it. I’m glad Amy Bloom did so. This book will stick with me.
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June 9, 2022A beautiful, thought-provoking memoir about love and death.
January 10, 2023
I had very high hopes for the book due to its main theme, assisted suicide, expecting a very heart-warming and at the same time heartbroken story. Indeed, the book is extremely disappointing, bland and flat.
With a great topic in hand, the author squandered it with a shallow and short coverage of the right to die. Instead of having a discussion on the right itself and how she processes grief, she focuses briefly on how difficult it is to have assisted suicide in America, and much more extensively on her frustration to live with someone with dementia and the red tape at Dignitas, which is dull at best.
She appears cold, self-centered, superficial and superstitious. Half of the book is about how annoyed and irritated she is by her husband's deteriorating memory. Most of the time, she seems to want Brian dead because of her own frustration rather than of her love towards her husband. She even rolled her eyes at something Brian said right up to the last moment of his life.
The sequence of anecdotes is at best random, not putting a coherent timeline that readers can follow. There is not really a recount of why she loves Brian, rather than the sporadic "I love him" literally, making it very hard to relate to her and her crying every other page especially off-putting. The constant mention of his good look, him being a Yale graduate and a college football player is hollow and tiresome.
Maybe I was expecting too much from the title - "In Love", where I found none of her conversations or anecdotes with her husband profound or loving.
With a great topic in hand, the author squandered it with a shallow and short coverage of the right to die. Instead of having a discussion on the right itself and how she processes grief, she focuses briefly on how difficult it is to have assisted suicide in America, and much more extensively on her frustration to live with someone with dementia and the red tape at Dignitas, which is dull at best.
She appears cold, self-centered, superficial and superstitious. Half of the book is about how annoyed and irritated she is by her husband's deteriorating memory. Most of the time, she seems to want Brian dead because of her own frustration rather than of her love towards her husband. She even rolled her eyes at something Brian said right up to the last moment of his life.
The sequence of anecdotes is at best random, not putting a coherent timeline that readers can follow. There is not really a recount of why she loves Brian, rather than the sporadic "I love him" literally, making it very hard to relate to her and her crying every other page especially off-putting. The constant mention of his good look, him being a Yale graduate and a college football player is hollow and tiresome.
Maybe I was expecting too much from the title - "In Love", where I found none of her conversations or anecdotes with her husband profound or loving.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 15, 2022
I believe I first became aware of Dignitas, a Swiss organization that provides “accompanied death”—i.e., euthanasia—to those of sound mind who wish to end their lives, in Richard B. Wright’s 2007 book October. That novel revolves around a character who is asked to travel to Switzerland with a now terminally ill man he knew in his youth. Amy Bloom’s memoir, focusing on her accompaniment of her husband, Brian Ameche, deals with another kind of “terminal illness.” Diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s in his mid-sixties (and believed to have had the condition for the preceding three years), Brian resolves almost immediately to end his own life before the inevitable full erasure of self occurs. His determination is clear and unflagging; however, he needs his wife to manage the project as his memory and executive function fail.
Bloom structures her memoir around the four days the two spend in Zurich that lead up to and include Brian’s drinking the lethal sodium pentobarbital cocktail that bring his life to an end. Chapters about their time in Switzerland are interspersed with sections explaining the process and documentation Dignitas requires of its applicants, as well as details of Bloom and Ameche’s fifteen-year marriage, Brian’s diagnosis, and the challenges of dealing with someone with this devastating condition.
I have read a number of memoirs about Alzheimer’s Disease. This one is unique in that it addresses the lack of options available to those who wish to forego “the long goodbye.” Bloom says Brian wanted her to write about their experience, yet the book feels less a passionate plea for this option to be available to Americans than a document testifying to the challenges families face when they have to jump through so many hurdles and travel so far to meet death on their own terms.
Thank you to Net Galley and the publisher for providing me with a digital copy for review purposes.
Bloom structures her memoir around the four days the two spend in Zurich that lead up to and include Brian’s drinking the lethal sodium pentobarbital cocktail that bring his life to an end. Chapters about their time in Switzerland are interspersed with sections explaining the process and documentation Dignitas requires of its applicants, as well as details of Bloom and Ameche’s fifteen-year marriage, Brian’s diagnosis, and the challenges of dealing with someone with this devastating condition.
I have read a number of memoirs about Alzheimer’s Disease. This one is unique in that it addresses the lack of options available to those who wish to forego “the long goodbye.” Bloom says Brian wanted her to write about their experience, yet the book feels less a passionate plea for this option to be available to Americans than a document testifying to the challenges families face when they have to jump through so many hurdles and travel so far to meet death on their own terms.
Thank you to Net Galley and the publisher for providing me with a digital copy for review purposes.
August 20, 2023
This was utterly, rip-your-heart-out-of-your-chest-devastating. This reads like a punch in the gut, there's no other way of putting it. A serious punch in the gut too, the kind that knocks the wind out of you and leaves you gasping.
Amy Bloom is an author whose name I recognize without having read any of her books, & I had been under the mistaken impression that she writes lighter fiction, or chick-lit, if you will. Which again, just goes to show me how stupid it is to have preconceived notions about authors and books I have not read myself. How many times am I going to shoot myself in the foot this way?!?!
In 'In Love: A Memoir of Love and Loss' Amy Bloom takes us with her on a very emotional, painful, personal journey with her husband who has Alzheimers. They are both each other's 2nd marriage, so having married slightly later in life, second time was a charm. They'd been very happily married for over a decade when Brian's behavior started to change, it was not only a forgetfulness but also a distance that she was feeling that was developing between them. Unsure of what to make of it, Bloom contemplates her various choices, tho eventually as things worsen they do find their way to a doctor's office for an MRI & the diagnosis they were of course dreading. Alzheimers. A disease with no cure, and no timeline, everybody's experience with the disease is different-some people might have months before their memory and clarity starts dissipating, some have years, the only sure thing is that it will go. It will steal your memories, your ability to function as an adult, your very essence. Knowing this, Brian almost immediately makes the decision that he doesn't want to wait & draw things out, that he wants to end his own life, his way, on his time, when he can still say goodbye to the people he loves, while he is still himself. Amy is supportive and amazing, working tirelessly to help give him what he wants despite wanting the opposite thing herself. They eventually find Dignitas, a Swiss company whose message is about bodily autonomy and providing people the right to live, and die with dignity. Naturally, the approval process is a complex one, and Amy takes us with her on every step of the journey, all the way through their last days together, down to their very last moments, and it was truly, truly, heart shatteringly perfect and tragic all at once.
This was a tough read, a really reeeally tough read. I have to admit that it did actually make me cry, and with a couple thousand books under my belt the amount of times I have cried while reading I can count on one hand, so that in itself is telling. It's just so hard to imagine and wrap my brain around, being in her shoes during those final moments. Of course we're all going to put ourselves in their stead, imagine saying goodbye to our loved ones in that same way, it's just thoroughly heartbreaking. They both handled the situation with as much grace and lucidity and tenderness as is possible to have tho, Bloom's writing was top notch, unflinchingly raw and honest, this was absolutely, 100% ALL THE STARS.
Amy Bloom is an author whose name I recognize without having read any of her books, & I had been under the mistaken impression that she writes lighter fiction, or chick-lit, if you will. Which again, just goes to show me how stupid it is to have preconceived notions about authors and books I have not read myself. How many times am I going to shoot myself in the foot this way?!?!
In 'In Love: A Memoir of Love and Loss' Amy Bloom takes us with her on a very emotional, painful, personal journey with her husband who has Alzheimers. They are both each other's 2nd marriage, so having married slightly later in life, second time was a charm. They'd been very happily married for over a decade when Brian's behavior started to change, it was not only a forgetfulness but also a distance that she was feeling that was developing between them. Unsure of what to make of it, Bloom contemplates her various choices, tho eventually as things worsen they do find their way to a doctor's office for an MRI & the diagnosis they were of course dreading. Alzheimers. A disease with no cure, and no timeline, everybody's experience with the disease is different-some people might have months before their memory and clarity starts dissipating, some have years, the only sure thing is that it will go. It will steal your memories, your ability to function as an adult, your very essence. Knowing this, Brian almost immediately makes the decision that he doesn't want to wait & draw things out, that he wants to end his own life, his way, on his time, when he can still say goodbye to the people he loves, while he is still himself. Amy is supportive and amazing, working tirelessly to help give him what he wants despite wanting the opposite thing herself. They eventually find Dignitas, a Swiss company whose message is about bodily autonomy and providing people the right to live, and die with dignity. Naturally, the approval process is a complex one, and Amy takes us with her on every step of the journey, all the way through their last days together, down to their very last moments, and it was truly, truly, heart shatteringly perfect and tragic all at once.
This was a tough read, a really reeeally tough read. I have to admit that it did actually make me cry, and with a couple thousand books under my belt the amount of times I have cried while reading I can count on one hand, so that in itself is telling. It's just so hard to imagine and wrap my brain around, being in her shoes during those final moments. Of course we're all going to put ourselves in their stead, imagine saying goodbye to our loved ones in that same way, it's just thoroughly heartbreaking. They both handled the situation with as much grace and lucidity and tenderness as is possible to have tho, Bloom's writing was top notch, unflinchingly raw and honest, this was absolutely, 100% ALL THE STARS.
April 27, 2022
Reading through tears - a beautifully written journey of the most painful kind.
In Love by Amy Bloom hits all the right notes when it comes to revealing and evoking authentic and true emotions. The author beautifully articulates her story of love, passionate and imperfect, and her personal emotional challenges and struggles. She shares what she has experienced and learned during her quest for answers while on life’s journey before and during her husband’s early onset Alzheimer’s symptoms, diagnosis, progression and his life changing decision.
Odd behaviors, strange occurrences and inconsistent decision making over several years finally lead to a doctor’s visit that uncovered the truth. The shocking, but not so shocking diagnosis of early onset Alzheimer’s was confirmed when Brian went for bloodwork and an MRI… and everything changed for Amy and Brian from that day forward. Brian was adamant about his choice to not live with a debilitating and progressive disease and asked Amy to research his options.
Battling her emotions but knowing she was going to abide by his wishes, Amy Bloom gives us an account of the options she pursued on behalf of her husband, the mental exams Brian was taxed with in order to reach a diagnosis, her emotional rollercoaster and his steadfastness when it came to how his life would conclude, even during the times where he was physically lost, emotionally detached and irrationally short tempered. His unsettling symptoms were exhibited yet his love and appreciation for Amy and his decision to end his life by his own free will never wavered.
I love Amy’s writing and I cried for all that was lost. Brian made an almost impossible and difficult decision and Amy honored it by loving and supporting him… I see that as a beautiful gift they gave each other. I highly recommend this memoir.
In Love by Amy Bloom hits all the right notes when it comes to revealing and evoking authentic and true emotions. The author beautifully articulates her story of love, passionate and imperfect, and her personal emotional challenges and struggles. She shares what she has experienced and learned during her quest for answers while on life’s journey before and during her husband’s early onset Alzheimer’s symptoms, diagnosis, progression and his life changing decision.
Odd behaviors, strange occurrences and inconsistent decision making over several years finally lead to a doctor’s visit that uncovered the truth. The shocking, but not so shocking diagnosis of early onset Alzheimer’s was confirmed when Brian went for bloodwork and an MRI… and everything changed for Amy and Brian from that day forward. Brian was adamant about his choice to not live with a debilitating and progressive disease and asked Amy to research his options.
Battling her emotions but knowing she was going to abide by his wishes, Amy Bloom gives us an account of the options she pursued on behalf of her husband, the mental exams Brian was taxed with in order to reach a diagnosis, her emotional rollercoaster and his steadfastness when it came to how his life would conclude, even during the times where he was physically lost, emotionally detached and irrationally short tempered. His unsettling symptoms were exhibited yet his love and appreciation for Amy and his decision to end his life by his own free will never wavered.
I love Amy’s writing and I cried for all that was lost. Brian made an almost impossible and difficult decision and Amy honored it by loving and supporting him… I see that as a beautiful gift they gave each other. I highly recommend this memoir.
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January 20, 2023As Connecticut brings assisted suicide the "aid in dying" bill to the legislative table yet again; the 15th time since 1995, this was, is and will be a complicated topic.
It seemed the right time to read Amy Bloom's book sharing her first hand account, accompanying her husband Brian, diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's, through a process of finding the means to choose death before he became unable to make the choice, bringing one side of the dilemma to the forefront.
I have read other books on this subject and also others about living and dying with Alzheimer's.
Amy Bloom writes the book her husband, Brian, wanted. At the time of writing, their residence is Connecticut. Were he able to do what he wished in Connecticut, I'm certain he would have. Were he able to end his life in the US in an assisted way, I'm certain he would have. This was not the case. Though there are many states allowing assisted end of life, the timing is off when Alzheimer's is the cause. If Brian had waited until he would qualify in the US, he would not have the mental capability to qualify.
Choice – Dignitas (aptly named) , a non-profit in Zurich, Switzerland. Even here, it was not an easy nor smooth process. After Brian was Green-lighted after much paper work, interviews, professional exams and letters, and much expense of time, money, and personal stress, Amy and Brian made the trip and he died on his terms. No spoilers as this was the outcome he wanted.
Thank you Amy Bloom, for telling Brian's and your story. Thank you Edelweiss, Publisher, Random House for the opportunity to read the digital ARC of this memoir.
It seemed the right time to read Amy Bloom's book sharing her first hand account, accompanying her husband Brian, diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's, through a process of finding the means to choose death before he became unable to make the choice, bringing one side of the dilemma to the forefront.
I have read other books on this subject and also others about living and dying with Alzheimer's.
Amy Bloom writes the book her husband, Brian, wanted. At the time of writing, their residence is Connecticut. Were he able to do what he wished in Connecticut, I'm certain he would have. Were he able to end his life in the US in an assisted way, I'm certain he would have. This was not the case. Though there are many states allowing assisted end of life, the timing is off when Alzheimer's is the cause. If Brian had waited until he would qualify in the US, he would not have the mental capability to qualify.
Choice – Dignitas (aptly named) , a non-profit in Zurich, Switzerland. Even here, it was not an easy nor smooth process. After Brian was Green-lighted after much paper work, interviews, professional exams and letters, and much expense of time, money, and personal stress, Amy and Brian made the trip and he died on his terms. No spoilers as this was the outcome he wanted.
Thank you Amy Bloom, for telling Brian's and your story. Thank you Edelweiss, Publisher, Random House for the opportunity to read the digital ARC of this memoir.
March 26, 2022
DNF. This memoir was obviously very personal and I don’t want to minimize her grief and pain. However, as a reader reviewing a book, I regret that I never was able to fully connect with or truly understand her and her husband’s decisions. I found the book quite sad which is why I stopped at 40%. For me, assisted suicide is not an option and there are valid reasons why they make it so difficult in the the U.S. to perform it. It felt a bit like the author was trying to promote it.
September 10, 2022
My heart hurts for Amy and her husband. Alzheimer's is truly awful. And so brave of her to share their experiences with the world.
Despite the emotional topic, I found it a bit difficult to connect with the writing. A decent read, but I think I expected more. I expected to feel some emotion or read some thing that inspired the reader to reflect on life. Not sure. I’m sure this was very therapeutic for Amy, and I hoped it helped her to heal.
Despite the emotional topic, I found it a bit difficult to connect with the writing. A decent read, but I think I expected more. I expected to feel some emotion or read some thing that inspired the reader to reflect on life. Not sure. I’m sure this was very therapeutic for Amy, and I hoped it helped her to heal.
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August 20, 2025In the opening pages of this memoir, the author Amy Bloom and her husband of 13 years, Brian Ameche, were on a business-class trip to Zurich. How fun, I thought. How wrong I was.
Brian was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and decided that “long goodbye of Alzheimer’s” was not for him. This is an account of Brian's short goodbye accompanied by Amy in Zurich.
You cannot read this memoir without your heart aching over and over again. It was written with incredible courage, honesty, humanity, and most of all, love. It defied rating. I just want to give Amy a virtual hug.
Brian was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and decided that “long goodbye of Alzheimer’s” was not for him. This is an account of Brian's short goodbye accompanied by Amy in Zurich.
You cannot read this memoir without your heart aching over and over again. It was written with incredible courage, honesty, humanity, and most of all, love. It defied rating. I just want to give Amy a virtual hug.
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