When Someone You Love Has a Chronic Illness: Hope and Help for Those Providing Support

by Tamara McClintock Greenberg

Dr. Tamara Greenberg offers hope and practical advice to those impacted by a loved one's chronic illness. Providing easy-to-understand explanations for complicated feelings and behaviors, this book will help you not just cope, but thrive in your day-to-day life. Learn the important tools you need to help lighten the burden we all feel when someone we love is ill.

Genres: Nonfiction, Health, Self Help, Psychology

176 pages, Paperback

First published February 14, 2012

About the author

I am a clinical psychologist with a passion for reading and writing.

I have a private practice in San Francisco, where I also live with my husband and two pugs, Rufus and Roscoe.

Reviews

[Wulfwyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the second book by this author that I have read. I am amazed at how helpful her books are to me. Even before I finished this book, I was recommending it to people I knew. I even bought a copy to send my dad. I found this book to be accurate and very helpful to me. I have an autoimmune disorder that I was diagnosed with when I was an infant. I, (along with my family), have been dealing with it since. My mother once told me that at one point she was being told I would die before the year ended, (this was told to her for several years in a row with my death being predicted each year). I cannot fathom being told my child would not survive the year. I can only imagine the horror and anxiety my mother lived with. In addition to my illness, my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. My dad is dealing with diabetes. My older brother has cirrhosis of the liver. My dad is their main caregiver, (which is why I bought a copy of this book for him). These were the reasons why I chose to review this book.
In my opinion, this book should be in every home. I do not believe that there is anyone who does not know of someone who has a chronic illness. We deal with it as family members, friends, doctors, nurses and caregivers. Sometimes those titles intersect. I cannot think of anyone this book would not offer some help to. I read the book start to finish. I think it will work fine if you jump around, picking and choosing when a chapter fits with your situation. At the end of each chapter, the author has included a coping checklist. I love these. They highlight what each chapter contains, making them invaluable when sharing with someone else. These checklist, along with the invaluable advice in the chapters, made me realize that this is a book I will use over and over again. Sometimes reading it as a whole but more often reading chapters as needed. It is a book that I recommend having space on your shelf for, with some journal books to write in. Over the past week I have used it, along with a journal, to learn more about myself and how I am coping, not only with others illness but also in dealing with mine. I have learned much of how I respond to my own illness and what is realistic to expect from others. I do not want to burden others with my expectations nor do I want to push aside my needs. The most valuable advice you can take from this book is to take care of yourself. You cannot take care of others unless you are able to. If you are stressed out or fall ill, you will not be able to help anyone else. Taking care of yourself is your top priority. The book ends with a chapter on grief. I found this chapter, along with the chapter on PTSD, especially enlightening. They are two areas I have struggled with for awhile.
If you aren't sure this book is for you, I encourage you to borrow it from your local library. See if it will help you. When you know how much it will help you, you can always buy your own copy. I'm thinking you will read it as I did and then want a hard copy of it.
I read an ecopy of this book through BookTasters. The author gave a copy of it for review consideration. I bought a copy because I needed it.

[Clover · Rating 5 out of 5]

When Someone You Love Has a Chronic Illness is a book of sound advice for those who are caring for an ailing loved one.
In the course of reading this volume you’ll learn:
• How to conduct yourself around the sick person
(How to offer assistance without seeming insincere, and avoid making potentially hurtful remarks)

• How to conduct yourself around others
(How best to deal with insensitive or brusque doctors, friends & family who expect constant updates on the patient’s condition, or who avoid the patient out of embarrassment or an irrational of fear contagion)

• How to interpret your loved one’s behavior
(Why your loved one may refuse to follow their doctor’s advice, talk about their illness, or accept your compassion)

• How to take care of yourself
(The relative merits of support groups, counseling, deep breathing techniques, and mourning rituals)
This is a brief, but thorough little book. I found it easy to read and jargon-free. Each chapter is followed by a helpful coping checklist and a bibliography. I’d recommend this to anyone with a sick parent or spouse without reservation.
P.S. This was a Goodreads giveaway

[Grant Green · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read a lot of these books, but this one is my favorite. It addresses things that others don't or in a way that makes it easier for me to understand. What she says about anger is not only compassionate, but she provides tools for how to deal with it while still validating my feelings. Tools and discussions for dealing with other intense feelings are also more sophisticated than other books. Some of the chapters won't immediately apply (like the chapter on suicidal thoughts) but so many of us confront that at some point so it's good to know it's there if I need it. There is a chapter on how to find a therapist and explains how to find what we need as clients and how this is different based on our needs. This has been a great find.

[Kole · Rating 4 out of 5]

This has some helpful advice but I feel like it was geared towards those that are older. The book didn't cover my specific needs of having a young chronically ill partner as there is an assumption of age with chronic illness in this book. I cannot entirely fault the book for this but it was a bit disappointing.

In addition, I really thought the chapter about visiting doctors was offensive as it basically seemed to argue that doctors aren't fully responsible if they treat you badly which rubbed me the wrong way.

In the end, this was a helpful read that had some problems. Although, it you need a book like this, then this one comes recommended.

3.5/5

[Nikkie · Rating 5 out of 5]

“How do you communicate that you want to help; particularly when you are not sure that you can do anything to help?”.

Very useful and practical book if you are supporting someone with a chronic or life debilitating illness. The introduction to this book is very good, as is it's calming cover.

“Today, more than 133 million Americans, or 45 percent of the population, have at least one chronic condition, and 26 percent have multiple chronic conditions”.

Chapter one is very good at explaining the meaning of the book at hand. Also if you are someone who suffers from such an illness, it highlights the sheer amount of people who also have problems, which makes you feel a little bit better, whether you are the carer or person suffering. This shows the reader that they are not alone in this.

“Although anxiety can be distressing, it can also help us. It can help us mobilise our coping defences”.

The chapters are all very clear and well set out. Good practical advice is given, as well as brilliant coping techniques. There is a particularly useful section for helping with anxiety, where the reader is taught some very calming breathing techniques. I tried this section myself and I have to say it really did work.

Overall a very useful, clear, helpful book to help you cope with living with someone who is ill.

Thank you to Booktasters for the opportunity to review this book and to Tamara McClintock Greenberg for the copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Carrie the Cozy Queen · Rating 5 out of 5]

To anyone who is a caregiver in any capacity— you need to read this book. So many times while reading I had to set it down simply because I was overcome with how much she hit the nail on the head and perfectly explained how I was feeling. The advice, stories, and research she shares are so helpful. True, there were a couple parts of the book that did not apply to my situation, but the parts that did were so helpful. I will be reading again and again.

[Gabriela · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this book gave me a lot of reminders of things I already knew which I did appreciate. It was pretty direct and to the point which was nice. I didn’t love the writing style and it didn’t blow my mind but again it was good to kinda read this and reground myself

[Lisa Gray · Rating 3 out of 5]

Review up soon on my Instagram @TherapyBookNook

[leathamarie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Just okay. Nothing new or particularly insightful. I had hoped for a bit more warmth in tone, but it reads clinical. Not bad, but there are better books out there.

[Christy · Rating 5 out of 5]

When Someone You love Has Chronic Illness, written by Dr. Tamara McClintock Greenberg, brings the important topic of chronic illness to the forefront, allowing readers to become aware of all aspects of a problem most all of us will have to face in our lives. It is a concise review of every facet of this issue—brought into focus in everyday language with examples we can all relate to.
As a retired Marriage and Family Therapist, I had many clients faced with situations such as Dr. Greenberg describes in her book. I would have loved a valuable tool such as this book to discuss with my clients. It will become a guide and support to all who read it.
Dr. Greenberg discusses the following topics:
1. Living Longer
2. How to talk about illness
3. How to deal with doctors
4. Addressing denial
5. Can you give too much
6. Getting support
7. Coping with loved one’s pain
8. Staying connected
9. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
10. Dealing with loss
Thank you Dr. Greenberg for this well-written volume of pertinent research presented with in-depth discussions, and shared through compassionate understanding.
I recommend this book as a healing tool for anyone who has been associated with chronically ill loved ones.

http://whensomeoneyoulovehasachronici...


When Someone You love Has Chronic Illness, written by Dr. Tamara McClintock Greenberg, brings the important topic of chronic illness to the forefront, allowing readers to become aware of all aspects of a problem most all of us will have to face in our lives. It is a concise review of every facet of this issue—brought into focus in everyday language with examples we can all relate to.
As a retired Marriage and Family Therapist, I had many clients faced with situations such as Dr. Greenberg describes in her book. I would have loved a valuable tool such as this book to discuss with my clients. It will become a guide and support to all who read it.
Dr. Greenberg discusses the following topics:
1. Living Longer
2. How to talk about illness
3. How to deal with doctors
4. Addressing denial
5. Can you give too much
6. Getting support
7. Coping with loved one’s pain
8. Staying connected
9. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
10. Dealing with loss
Thank you Dr. Greenberg for this well-written volume of pertinent research presented with in-depth discussions, and shared through compassionate understanding.
I recommend this book as a healing tool for anyone who has been associated with chronically ill loved ones.

http://whensomeoneyoulovehasachronici...

[Teressa Morris · Rating 4 out of 5]

Since Bud has chronic anxiety and depression and I have had asthma my whole life, I was really looking forward to seeing what advice I could find in When Someone You Love Has a Chronic Illness that could help our family deal with our ever-present health problems. Unfortunately, the book is written more for caregivers of those with cancer or older-adult related chronic illnesses like heart disease and dementia. Still, I have watched and helped Art's parents and my parents as they cared for their own parents with chronic illnesses, so I plunged back into the book with a slightly different mindset.

Each chapter of the book deals with a different aspect of caring for a loved one with a chronic illness and each chapter ends by summarizing the key points and offering references for further reading.

One of the most important themes that Dr. Greenberg repeats in different ways throughout the book is:

"If you don't take care of yourself it will be much harder to care for others."

She offers many helpful tips on talking to doctors, finding emotional support and knowing when to seek professional help. She also has some very practical tips on how to deal with chronic anxiety or PTSD brought on by extended caregiving. Some of these were tips I can use in my own life, especially on days when mine or Bud's anxiety is high.

I did find the book to be a little disjointed with little natural flow between the chapters. I feel this book should probably not be read in chronological order, but one could look through the table of contents, find the chapter headings that are closest to their needs and read those.

When Someone You Love Has a Chronic Illness is a valuable resource for anyone who is aging or has aging loved ones (most of us).

[Kimberly Sims · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dr. Tamara Greenberg's When Someone You Love Has a Chronic Illness serves as a guide to help family and friends navigate the waters of caring for a chronically ill loved one. Dr. Greenberg covers topics that include learning how to handle the medical needs (and medical team) of their loved one, knowing how to speak about the physical, mental, and emotional realities of chronic illness with those who are coping with long-term medical conditions, and accepting the concept of self-care in the face of burnout from caregiving.

It's notable that Dr. Greenberg addresses certain issues not often covered in books on this topic with enough details or pathos. She explains to caregivers their chronically ill family members and friends tend to deal with internal and external struggles such as severe physical pain, depression, and limitations -- usually under the scrutiny (and it's accompanying unfair judgment) of people outside of their immediate social sphere. In choosing to discuss these aspects of living with chronic illness, Dr. Greenberg gives caregivers tools to better empathize with the ones they care for.

The only criticism I can offer about the book is, at times, Dr. Greenberg's caring and professional tone veers heavily toward the professional at moments where that may not be necessary. While said tone lends to her credibility, the book is presumably written for an audience that may find some of her quoted or referenced information a bit overwhelming. And, from an editorial standpoint, I wonder if the abundance of footnotes in the book should be compiled and included at book's end as a "Notes" section. Otherwise, Dr. Greenberg's book is a refreshingly compassionate and helpful read.

[Heidi · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fabulous book with clear explanations and tips for dealing with the illness of a loved one. I highly recommend this book for those dealing with chronic illness either as a patient but especially for those struggling with the illness of a family member or friend. The author points out some of the difficulties encountered in facing illness and some more productive ways to deal with those challenges. I appreciated the summarized tips at the end of each chapter which distill down what is discussed in each chapter.

I especially appreciated Greenberg's summary of the culture of our current health care system and how best to deal with it. For example, she points out that doctors have so many obligations and patients to attend to they generally do not have time to engage in extended discussions about emotional reactions to health problems. She recommends that as either a patient or family member you take the initiative in terms of health care and come into an appointment with questions/concerns clearly in mind to discuss. She suggests treating doctor appointments as business meetings and to prepare accordingly. Great advice to my way of thinking.

The experiences that she shares throughout the book add clarity to the points she makes about the emotions and reactions to illness. The author points out the importance of self-care and facing the emotions associated with chronic illness either as a patient or as a loved one. She explains that the helplessness often felt by those associated with the patient can often lead to further problems if not appropriately directed. I recommend this book for its clear explanations and great advice.

[Brittany · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed perusing this book. The author writes in a way that her explanations really engage you and keep you reading further. Her helpful nature brings light to a subject that is often misunderstood, especially when emotions get involved. I really appreciated this tool and while it was a quick, easy read, there was enough there to help you learn so that you didn't feel you needed to research more after reading the book. I would recommend this book to anyone that is having difficulty dealing with an illness or wants to help another with illness.