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Addiction and Grace: Love and Spirituality in the Healing of Addictions
Here is Gerald May's brilliant and now classic exploration of the psychology and physiology of addiction. It offers an inspiring and hope–filled vision for those who desire to explore the mystery of who and what they really are. May examines the "processes of attachment" that lead to addiction and describes the relationship between addiction and spiritual awareness. He also details the various addictions from which we can suffer, not only to substances like alcohol and drugs, but to work, sex, performance, responsibility, and intimacy. Drawing on his experience as a psychiatrist working with the chemically dependent, May emphasizes that addiction represents an attempt to assert complete control over our lives. Addiction and Grace is a compassionate and wise treatment of a topic of major concern in these most addictive of times, one that can provide a critical yet hopeful guide to a place of freedom based on contemplative spirituality.
208 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1988
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October 12, 2013
Grace is the most powerful force in the universe. It can transcend repression, addiction, and every other internal or external power that seeks to oppress the freedom of the human heart. Grace is where our hope lies. ~ Gerald G. May, "Addiction & Grace", page 5)
I only read this book halfway and have decided not to read further. I was not connecting to this book and I actually thought it was a real waste of time. The author has a philosophy that is kind of confusing. His main point is that of having grace throughout our addictions. The confusing part of his philosophy is that he does not really share with his audience where this grace comes from. He mentions Budda, Christ and all sorts of religions and tries to imply that grace can come from any source. I tend to disagree. I believe that grace comes from God through the Lord Jesus Christ. Forgiveness of sins can only come from Christ, as he is the one who paid the price by dying on the cross for our forgiveness.
To me this book is not biblically sound and is trying to appeal to too many people, maybe as to sell more copies. The title is deceptive.
I only read this book halfway and have decided not to read further. I was not connecting to this book and I actually thought it was a real waste of time. The author has a philosophy that is kind of confusing. His main point is that of having grace throughout our addictions. The confusing part of his philosophy is that he does not really share with his audience where this grace comes from. He mentions Budda, Christ and all sorts of religions and tries to imply that grace can come from any source. I tend to disagree. I believe that grace comes from God through the Lord Jesus Christ. Forgiveness of sins can only come from Christ, as he is the one who paid the price by dying on the cross for our forgiveness.
To me this book is not biblically sound and is trying to appeal to too many people, maybe as to sell more copies. The title is deceptive.
August 13, 2010
this book was a beautiful read on the nature of addictions and God's miraculous grace. i especially loved chapter 7.
here are just a few memorable quotes:
Detachment is the word used in spiritual traditions to describe freedom of desire. Not freedom from desire, but freedom of desire. ... For centuries, people have distorted its meaning, mistakenly assuming that detachment devalues desire and denies the potential goodness of the things and people to which one can become attached. ... An authentic spiritual understanding of detachment devalues neither desire nor the objects of desire. Instead, it "aims at correcting one's own anxious grasping in order to free oneself for committed relationship to God. " According to Meister Eckhart, detachment "enkindles the heart, awakens the spirit, stimulates our longings, and shows us where God is ... "
Grace is our only hope for dealing with addiction, the only power that can truly vanquish its destructiveness. Grace is the invincible advocate of freedom and the absolute expression of perfect love.
... our incompleteness is the empty side of our longing for God and for love. It is what draws us toward God and one another.
From a more specifically spiritual viewpoint, we naturally seek the least threatening ways of trying to satisfy our longing for God, ways that protect our sense of personal power and require the least sacrifice. Even when we know that our hunger is for God alone, we will still be looking for loopholes - ... ways of maintaining our attachments to things and people while simultaneously trying to deepen our intimacy with God. We seek compromise ... because of the way that we are made; we naturally look for the least painful ways of living.
The structures of religion are meant to mediate God's self-revelation through community; they are not meant to be substitute gods.
here are just a few memorable quotes:
Detachment is the word used in spiritual traditions to describe freedom of desire. Not freedom from desire, but freedom of desire. ... For centuries, people have distorted its meaning, mistakenly assuming that detachment devalues desire and denies the potential goodness of the things and people to which one can become attached. ... An authentic spiritual understanding of detachment devalues neither desire nor the objects of desire. Instead, it "aims at correcting one's own anxious grasping in order to free oneself for committed relationship to God. " According to Meister Eckhart, detachment "enkindles the heart, awakens the spirit, stimulates our longings, and shows us where God is ... "
Grace is our only hope for dealing with addiction, the only power that can truly vanquish its destructiveness. Grace is the invincible advocate of freedom and the absolute expression of perfect love.
... our incompleteness is the empty side of our longing for God and for love. It is what draws us toward God and one another.
From a more specifically spiritual viewpoint, we naturally seek the least threatening ways of trying to satisfy our longing for God, ways that protect our sense of personal power and require the least sacrifice. Even when we know that our hunger is for God alone, we will still be looking for loopholes - ... ways of maintaining our attachments to things and people while simultaneously trying to deepen our intimacy with God. We seek compromise ... because of the way that we are made; we naturally look for the least painful ways of living.
The structures of religion are meant to mediate God's self-revelation through community; they are not meant to be substitute gods.
June 30, 2010
This book has been a nice surprise. I thought, at first, that it might be about hard-core addictions and how to overcome them through Christ. Instead, it is about any addiction, large or small. The author, Gerald May, claims that we all are addicted. He says that anything that steals life from us and causes us to make illogical or hasty decisions is our addiction. This could be "hard-core" like drugs or subtle like relationships. I have found it extremely helpful.
January 16, 2013
This was an interesting and unique book for me. In earlier parts, the book examines the physical (neural, etc.) aspects of addiction and does this well (it is not boring, too technical, or too fluffy). I've had a chance to think carefully about my own addiction to stress and I did encounter some quite insightful comments that have potential to explain some of my interesting experiences.
Most of the latter half is devoted to the role of concepts like grace, consecration, etc. in overcoming addiction. I am not a Christian and did not grow up in a culture that exposed me to any Christian beliefs, so I cannot speak to the use of these concepts. I can only comment on the general tone of the book. I liked it, because the author is very down to earth and humble. He talks about some of his own addictions and failures to overcome them at times. He acknowledges that overcoming addiction does not involve going through a checklist and explores its mysterious aspects (e.g., sudden breakthroughs to freedom). For instance, he emphasizes his conviction that one cannot overcome strong addictions by oneself (i.e., the importance of (a spiritual) community). He does not reach sweeping conclusions and does not simplify matters for the sake of satisfying readers who seek a more structured world. So it is not really a self-help book. It's more an exposition of his personal philosophy and spirituality. His language is beautiful and elegant. He is somebody I would have liked to meet (he's deceased however).
As much as I cannot fully appreciate the central Christian concepts here, such as grace and consecration, I do think this book is worth reading for all.
Most of the latter half is devoted to the role of concepts like grace, consecration, etc. in overcoming addiction. I am not a Christian and did not grow up in a culture that exposed me to any Christian beliefs, so I cannot speak to the use of these concepts. I can only comment on the general tone of the book. I liked it, because the author is very down to earth and humble. He talks about some of his own addictions and failures to overcome them at times. He acknowledges that overcoming addiction does not involve going through a checklist and explores its mysterious aspects (e.g., sudden breakthroughs to freedom). For instance, he emphasizes his conviction that one cannot overcome strong addictions by oneself (i.e., the importance of (a spiritual) community). He does not reach sweeping conclusions and does not simplify matters for the sake of satisfying readers who seek a more structured world. So it is not really a self-help book. It's more an exposition of his personal philosophy and spirituality. His language is beautiful and elegant. He is somebody I would have liked to meet (he's deceased however).
As much as I cannot fully appreciate the central Christian concepts here, such as grace and consecration, I do think this book is worth reading for all.
January 3, 2018
I'm not quite sure how to describe this book, except to say that it is eye-opening and potentially life-altering.
Yes, dear Reformed, Theology-Loving Reader, there are parts where you will disagree with May. There are times where I wrote "Really??" in the margins of my copy. There are places where he flirts with syncretism. But if you get past it (and really...read someone who is outside of your theological wing!), you'll find truth that your heart so desperately needs to hear.
You are addicted...and while others would call this idolatry, May makes it clear that the roots of this problem are not simply disentangled by sheer willpower or repentance. They require an act of mercy, particularly because on a cellular level we are, indeed, addicted.
This isn't an easy read, for a thousand reasons, but it is definitely worth reading. Do it, please.
Yes, dear Reformed, Theology-Loving Reader, there are parts where you will disagree with May. There are times where I wrote "Really??" in the margins of my copy. There are places where he flirts with syncretism. But if you get past it (and really...read someone who is outside of your theological wing!), you'll find truth that your heart so desperately needs to hear.
You are addicted...and while others would call this idolatry, May makes it clear that the roots of this problem are not simply disentangled by sheer willpower or repentance. They require an act of mercy, particularly because on a cellular level we are, indeed, addicted.
This isn't an easy read, for a thousand reasons, but it is definitely worth reading. Do it, please.
May 13, 2019
Before reading Gerald May's ADDICTION & GRACE, I thought some people were addicts and some weren't. Now I'm convinced that we're all addicts; some people struggle with their addictions and others don't. May draws a line of continuity between the human propensity to be attached (to objects, to outcomes) and addiction, helping me my own "bad habits" and endless mind-games as the same very human reaction to life as others' more severe substance addictions. "We all define ourselves according to our addictions," he writes. I get it; this is "identification," our attachment to identity which is, in the end, illusory.
"Major addiction is the sacred disease of our time." This is why, I believe, AA and 12-step groups are more vital today than most churches. They, at least, look directly and honestly at this basic part of our nature.
Good stuff!
"Major addiction is the sacred disease of our time." This is why, I believe, AA and 12-step groups are more vital today than most churches. They, at least, look directly and honestly at this basic part of our nature.
Good stuff!
August 19, 2018
This book lacks a coherent thesis throughout. The author states he is a psychiatrist and not a theologian. Some sections deal just with the technical aspects of addiction. Others talk about Christian scripture in ways that make it hard to define the theological perspective. May also talks about addiction as if it relates to all forms of habitual behavior. Addition is defined very broadly. One page has a chart of things someone may be addicted to such as: ice cream, pizza. furniture, etc. I would not put these things in the same category as chemical dependency to nicotine or alcohol. I think this book would be confusing and unhelpful for anyone struggling with an addiction more serious than nail biting.
February 27, 2019
This book sucked. Definitely skip it.
November 16, 2016
The overused but still useful word “addiction” comes from the 16th century Latin noun addictio, which means “a giving over or surrender.” Not the good surrender, but the bad one, a giving over to something or someone that will then control me and eventually ruin me.
We think of addicts as being on the way to ruin. They might be very dangerous, and certainly not in control of themselves. They are … not us. We are not addicts; someone else is.
Some “addictions” seem good; can’t you be “addicted” to God? Can’t you feel compelled to do good works and bring blessing to the people in your life?
God loves us, but God hates our addictions. God loves me the sinner, but God hates the sin. And addiction is certainly sin.
Some of us, although certainly not me, have “addictive personalities.” They (not me, mind you) are weak and prone to that “giving over” to alcohol, or stress, or video games, or pornography, or gossip, or some other awful thing. We should watch out for them.
These questionable assertions about addiction are addressed by Dr. Gerald May in this bestselling book. It’s been republished with a new introduction and two short articles published a few years after the book was originally published in 1988. Gerald May was a distinguished psychiatrist who worked and taught and wrote as a faculty member of the Shalem School of Spiritual Direction for 30 plus years before he died of cancer in 2005.
Dr. May is a poet and a philosopher. He is a Christian and sometimes sounds like a mystic. At the same time he is precise in his understanding and description of the mental and physical nature of addiction. Although this book was written just as the river of new information about how the brain works began to really flow, it describes much more of the physical nature of attachment and addiction than most of us know, and in a way that is both detailed and non-technical.
Actually, most of us don’t have a clue about addiction, because we’ve heard so much on TV and read so many flash-in-the-pan stories of both truth and fiction. This kind of non-helpful “information” barrage makes us think we know, when we don’t.
Some of my best friends are addicts. But, Gerald May makes it clear, that’s not surprising. I’m an addict too. So is he. Early in the book May compiles a list of attraction addictions (what we want) and aversion addictions (what we avoid). He says in one of his many charming personal asides, “If it is any consolation, I am addicted to at least fourteen of the listed items, and I could add several others if I wanted to be completely candid. Which I do not.”
If you find time to read this book (as I did not … even as a Christian counselor, even as one who works regularly with folks in great pain because of their addictions, even though I had heard over and over for years how good a book this was … until I was assigned it as required reading for a class), you will discover the seamy side of yourself. Rather, you’ll have to acknowledge the seamy side of yourself that you probably already know all too well.
And, thank God, you will also discover the glorious and unconditioned nature of God’s grace for you. Seamy side and all.
Take it or leave it.
We think of addicts as being on the way to ruin. They might be very dangerous, and certainly not in control of themselves. They are … not us. We are not addicts; someone else is.
Some “addictions” seem good; can’t you be “addicted” to God? Can’t you feel compelled to do good works and bring blessing to the people in your life?
God loves us, but God hates our addictions. God loves me the sinner, but God hates the sin. And addiction is certainly sin.
Some of us, although certainly not me, have “addictive personalities.” They (not me, mind you) are weak and prone to that “giving over” to alcohol, or stress, or video games, or pornography, or gossip, or some other awful thing. We should watch out for them.
These questionable assertions about addiction are addressed by Dr. Gerald May in this bestselling book. It’s been republished with a new introduction and two short articles published a few years after the book was originally published in 1988. Gerald May was a distinguished psychiatrist who worked and taught and wrote as a faculty member of the Shalem School of Spiritual Direction for 30 plus years before he died of cancer in 2005.
Dr. May is a poet and a philosopher. He is a Christian and sometimes sounds like a mystic. At the same time he is precise in his understanding and description of the mental and physical nature of addiction. Although this book was written just as the river of new information about how the brain works began to really flow, it describes much more of the physical nature of attachment and addiction than most of us know, and in a way that is both detailed and non-technical.
Actually, most of us don’t have a clue about addiction, because we’ve heard so much on TV and read so many flash-in-the-pan stories of both truth and fiction. This kind of non-helpful “information” barrage makes us think we know, when we don’t.
Some of my best friends are addicts. But, Gerald May makes it clear, that’s not surprising. I’m an addict too. So is he. Early in the book May compiles a list of attraction addictions (what we want) and aversion addictions (what we avoid). He says in one of his many charming personal asides, “If it is any consolation, I am addicted to at least fourteen of the listed items, and I could add several others if I wanted to be completely candid. Which I do not.”
If you find time to read this book (as I did not … even as a Christian counselor, even as one who works regularly with folks in great pain because of their addictions, even though I had heard over and over for years how good a book this was … until I was assigned it as required reading for a class), you will discover the seamy side of yourself. Rather, you’ll have to acknowledge the seamy side of yourself that you probably already know all too well.
And, thank God, you will also discover the glorious and unconditioned nature of God’s grace for you. Seamy side and all.
Take it or leave it.
May 13, 2019
A precious, empathetic book on attachment, addiction, and grace. Gerald May writes hopefully, not accusingly, acknowledging human weakness and our constant need for God's grace. He offers both psychological and spiritual insight from Christian traditions. Uber-Calvinists will balk at his more "catholic" view of grace and allege he is guilty of syncretism, but I believe he is in line with classic Christianity. This is an encouraging read for those struggling with small or large addictions.
February 15, 2011
My broken places just create a spaciousness for God's grace.
September 19, 2018
Crap
Utter crap!! Outdated and discredited approaches put forth as current. Overtly reliant on christian theology rather than applying universal concepts.
Utter crap!! Outdated and discredited approaches put forth as current. Overtly reliant on christian theology rather than applying universal concepts.
September 27, 2010
This book covers the physical, psychological and spiritual aspects of addiction. The chapters on the physical and psychological aspects of addiction are excellent. The chapters on the spiritual aspect of addiction lacked a unifying systematic theology and at times seem rambling. The book ends with some good advice on overcoming addiction including not making addictions more complicated than they need to be, and living with the longing that is within all of us.
August 20, 2012
This is a book I need to read over and over in order to absorb all it has to offer. May's kindness and in-depth understanding emanate from the pages and I often find just what I need to read. May has a personal relationship with his god, but even so, he writes broadly enough to encompass my more mystery-oriented approach to spirituality and the meaning of life. I will return to this book often.
January 4, 2014
I found this to be a penetrating, insightful, challenging and encouraging, grace-filled work especially in the closing chapters. This book really hit home in many ways as I confronted "the addict in me" and considered the addictions or intemperate attachments all of us face in one way or another. and yet God loves us in the midst of our addictions, uses them to bring us grace and repentance.
August 23, 2021
closer to a 2 1/2, not in content but in preference and aesthetic.
A fine introductory text to the psychology of addiction and it’s relationship to Christian faith. Overall I found May unable to achieve either of his aims: to present a robust, clinical explanation of addiction, as well as a mature, sensitive explanation of 12-step spirituality. I think i’d rather read two separate books on each topic. Still, I really admired—and have introduced to my psychological vocabulary—May’s explanation of repressed desire and attachment theory.
More than anything Addiction and Grace made me want to read the Blue Book (the “official” guide for alcoholics anonymous).
A fine introductory text to the psychology of addiction and it’s relationship to Christian faith. Overall I found May unable to achieve either of his aims: to present a robust, clinical explanation of addiction, as well as a mature, sensitive explanation of 12-step spirituality. I think i’d rather read two separate books on each topic. Still, I really admired—and have introduced to my psychological vocabulary—May’s explanation of repressed desire and attachment theory.
More than anything Addiction and Grace made me want to read the Blue Book (the “official” guide for alcoholics anonymous).
March 24, 2020
This book really helped me and encouraged me. It gave me a lens for how to view addiction and start to discern unhealthy coping mechanisms in my own life. Places where I use up desire (for God or for people) and instead attach them to other non-life-giving things. Helpful, practical and definitely worth the read.
October 4, 2021
This was a text I had to read for my class on Addictions, and I really struggled with how to rate it. The last 2-3 chapters were really excellent, but the first few were drudgery. I’m still not sure I buy his thesis entirely, but I have experienced much of how he describes the changes contemplation, mindfulness meditation, and self-awareness bring.
June 20, 2012
In the past few years, I have become especially aware of the strength of the numerous attachments in my life that displace the object of my most deep, true desire. According to May, we all have addicted (not addictive) personalities. I particularly appreciated the honesty of an author so willing to admit to his own many attachments, including his attachment to precision. I have not heard a word before that so well captures one of my life-long addictions!
I appreciated his teaching on the natural human tendency to simply substitute one attachment for another when we seek to gain freedom from our addictions. I was persuaded by May that the only place of freedom from false attachments is the place that I often so frequently avoid - the place of spaciousness. It is that place of deep inner longing, emptiness, incompleteness and lack of fulfillment that seems so abhorrent to me. Yet this is the emptiness that we require if we are to truly meet God and receive his love. Because God will not vigorously compete with our other attachments. He gently and humbly waits for our invitation to enter our emptiness, our place of deepest longing.
May's assertion is that "In our society, we have come to believe that discomfort always means that something is wrong. We are conditioned to believe that feelings of distress, pain, deprivation, yearning, and longing mean something is wrong with the way we are living our lives. Conversely, we are convinced that a rightly lived life must give us serenity, completion, and fulfillment . . . The influence of such convictions is stifling to the human spirit. Individually and collectively, we must somehow recover the truth. The truth is, we were never meant to be completely satisfied".
When I first heard the words from the old U2 song "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" I thought at that time (O God, how could I be so naive at 28 years of age!) that Bono could not truly be a Christian if he had not "found it". Now I look to the prophets in our generation like Bono and Bruce Cockburn who have spoken truth to the church from outside of the church . . . and I am paying closer attention. We were all convinced then that we had "found it" (and we were all displaying this on our bumper stickers in the 70s?).
May was able to help me grasp the deep truth that it is my aversion to this emptiness which gives power to all of my addictions and the substitute attachments in my life. The one word I will take away from this book is "spaciousness". My challenge is to always make room for spaciousness in my life, to give room for my unfulfilled, deepest yearnings which can only be satisfied (and yet never completely) by "God's love (which) has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us" (Romans 5:5).
PS A few days after completing this book, I was drawn to this passage in Psalm 66:8-12 which summarizes so well how God has used the purification of suffering in my life to continue the process of freeing me from attachments and bring me out "to a spacious place".
Bless our God, O peoples, let the sound of his praise be heard, who has kept us among the living, and has not let our feet slip. For you, O God, have tested us; you have tried us as silver is tried. You brought us into the net; you laid burdens on our backs; you let people ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water; yet you have brought us out to a spacious place.
I appreciated his teaching on the natural human tendency to simply substitute one attachment for another when we seek to gain freedom from our addictions. I was persuaded by May that the only place of freedom from false attachments is the place that I often so frequently avoid - the place of spaciousness. It is that place of deep inner longing, emptiness, incompleteness and lack of fulfillment that seems so abhorrent to me. Yet this is the emptiness that we require if we are to truly meet God and receive his love. Because God will not vigorously compete with our other attachments. He gently and humbly waits for our invitation to enter our emptiness, our place of deepest longing.
May's assertion is that "In our society, we have come to believe that discomfort always means that something is wrong. We are conditioned to believe that feelings of distress, pain, deprivation, yearning, and longing mean something is wrong with the way we are living our lives. Conversely, we are convinced that a rightly lived life must give us serenity, completion, and fulfillment . . . The influence of such convictions is stifling to the human spirit. Individually and collectively, we must somehow recover the truth. The truth is, we were never meant to be completely satisfied".
When I first heard the words from the old U2 song "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" I thought at that time (O God, how could I be so naive at 28 years of age!) that Bono could not truly be a Christian if he had not "found it". Now I look to the prophets in our generation like Bono and Bruce Cockburn who have spoken truth to the church from outside of the church . . . and I am paying closer attention. We were all convinced then that we had "found it" (and we were all displaying this on our bumper stickers in the 70s?).
May was able to help me grasp the deep truth that it is my aversion to this emptiness which gives power to all of my addictions and the substitute attachments in my life. The one word I will take away from this book is "spaciousness". My challenge is to always make room for spaciousness in my life, to give room for my unfulfilled, deepest yearnings which can only be satisfied (and yet never completely) by "God's love (which) has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us" (Romans 5:5).
PS A few days after completing this book, I was drawn to this passage in Psalm 66:8-12 which summarizes so well how God has used the purification of suffering in my life to continue the process of freeing me from attachments and bring me out "to a spacious place".
Bless our God, O peoples, let the sound of his praise be heard, who has kept us among the living, and has not let our feet slip. For you, O God, have tested us; you have tried us as silver is tried. You brought us into the net; you laid burdens on our backs; you let people ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water; yet you have brought us out to a spacious place.
February 12, 2020
Summary: We are all addicted to something; only grace can set us free.
Addition and Grace is not a book I would have picked up on my own. It was assigned for my Spiritual Direction and Psychology class, and it was a book I argued with the whole way through. I have 43 highlights and several comments that you can peruse on my Goodreads page to get a sense of what I was arguing with.
My main argument is with Mays' shifting understanding of addition. At times he means what we traditionally think of as addiction, a psychological and/or physical need that negatively impacts the people around us or our ability to interact in the world. At times he used addiction as a metaphor for sin. His most explicit definition is:
But he does not seem to limit himself to just that definition. Quite often, these flexible definitions do help give insight into our human lives.
But at other times addition seems to mean everything in a way that becomes unhelpful. For instance, there appears to be no room for obligation. (I do not think it is accurate to describe responsibility or obligation as slavery or addition.)
One of my significant concerns is his dismissal of therapy, trauma, and abuse all at once. While there can be issues with therapy or friends excusing addiction because of a history of trauma or abuse, I think the more common problem is in the other direction. Addiction is often trying to solve a problem, the addictive solution is often unhelpful for the long term, but without dealing with the underlying need, trauma or abuse any 'solutions' to the addition are temporary because there will be a new addition eventually. I broadly agree with this point:
But there can be legitimate disagreement about what is ending an addition and what is supporting the addiction. May often seems to come down hard in areas where there are not hard lines.
As much as I can see some benefit in talking about addiction as a metaphor, or an actual sin, May does not seem to have a significant enough theology of sin. He is a psychologist, and maybe that bias toward the individual did not allow him to see the impacts of sin on systems, but there is a significant weakness in understanding how systems and relational networks are impacted by sin and addiction, not just abstracted individuals. Of course, even in our spiritual practices, sin affects the way we approach God.
His turn to grace and Christ as the ultimate victory over addition (and sin) I think is right and accurate in many ways, but still too abstracted.
and
As much as I was frequently frustrated, there is real insight here.
But as soon as I find the insight, I see him missing the point. This next quote was almost immediately after the previous one.
This seems to be a real problem with the book. As much as we are all addicted to something (which I think is a helpful insight), that does not mean that there are not influences on our lives that make additions worse. Our relationship with our parents I think really does influence our relationship and image of God. That does not excuse addition or sin, but it does help to explain it. Explanations can be helpful even if they are not exculpatory.
I was happy to be done with the book. There is insight, but a lot of frustration.
Addition and Grace is not a book I would have picked up on my own. It was assigned for my Spiritual Direction and Psychology class, and it was a book I argued with the whole way through. I have 43 highlights and several comments that you can peruse on my Goodreads page to get a sense of what I was arguing with.
My main argument is with Mays' shifting understanding of addition. At times he means what we traditionally think of as addiction, a psychological and/or physical need that negatively impacts the people around us or our ability to interact in the world. At times he used addiction as a metaphor for sin. His most explicit definition is:
Addiction is any compulsive, habitual behavior that limits the freedom of human desire. It is caused by the attachment, or nailing, of desire to specific objects. The word behavior is especially important in this definition, for it indicates that action is essential to addiction. As I have indicated, attachment of desire is the underlying process that results in addictive behavior.
But he does not seem to limit himself to just that definition. Quite often, these flexible definitions do help give insight into our human lives.
...no addiction is good; no attachment is beneficial. To be sure, some are more destructive than others; alcoholism cannot be compared with chocolate addiction in degrees of destructiveness, and fear of spiders pales in comparison to racial bigotry. But if we accept that there are differences in the degree of tragedy imposed upon us by our addictions, we must also recognize what they have in common: they impede human freedom and diminish the human spirit.
But at other times addition seems to mean everything in a way that becomes unhelpful. For instance, there appears to be no room for obligation. (I do not think it is accurate to describe responsibility or obligation as slavery or addition.)
It is surely good for parents to care for their children and for people to be kind to one another and to seek God. It would be wonderful if we could make a habit of such activities. But there is a vast difference between doing these things because we freely choose and doing them because we are compelled. In the first case, the motivation is love; in the second, slavery.
One of my significant concerns is his dismissal of therapy, trauma, and abuse all at once. While there can be issues with therapy or friends excusing addiction because of a history of trauma or abuse, I think the more common problem is in the other direction. Addiction is often trying to solve a problem, the addictive solution is often unhelpful for the long term, but without dealing with the underlying need, trauma or abuse any 'solutions' to the addition are temporary because there will be a new addition eventually. I broadly agree with this point:
When the community surrounding an addicted person tries to help in any way that does not support ending the addiction, it will wind up supporting the addiction instead.
But there can be legitimate disagreement about what is ending an addition and what is supporting the addiction. May often seems to come down hard in areas where there are not hard lines.
As much as I can see some benefit in talking about addiction as a metaphor, or an actual sin, May does not seem to have a significant enough theology of sin. He is a psychologist, and maybe that bias toward the individual did not allow him to see the impacts of sin on systems, but there is a significant weakness in understanding how systems and relational networks are impacted by sin and addiction, not just abstracted individuals. Of course, even in our spiritual practices, sin affects the way we approach God.
From a more specifically spiritual viewpoint, we naturally seek the least threatening ways of trying to satisfy our longing for God, ways that protect our sense of personal power and require the least sacrifice. Even when we know that our hunger is for God alone, we will still be looking for loopholes—ways of having our cake and eating it too, ways of maintaining our attachments to things and people while simultaneously trying to deepen our intimacy with God. We seek compromise not because we are evil or conniving, but because of the way we are made; we naturally look for the least painful ways of living.
His turn to grace and Christ as the ultimate victory over addition (and sin) I think is right and accurate in many ways, but still too abstracted.
the crucifixion itself demonstrated the extent to which God would go to liberate people from their attachments. Jesus proclaimed that there was no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends, and then he proceeded to do just that. Finally, and most important of all to the Christian faith, Christ’s resurrection proclaimed absolute and unquestioned victory over attachment itself, over its consequences, and over its causes.
and
To put it bluntly, God became incarnate to save the addicted, and that includes all of us.
As much as I was frequently frustrated, there is real insight here.
Many other reasons exist for our lack of appreciation of God’s constant love. Sometimes the activity of grace so transcends our understanding that it becomes essentially invisible to us. We cannot notice God’s loving presence because it is too numinous, too elusively mystical to be perceived. There are also occasions when we cannot appreciate grace because we really do not want to. If God has not lived up to our expectations of how a true lover should act, for example, we may stifle our awareness because of anger or because we want to protect ourselves from being hurt again. And sometimes, as I have indicated, God actively hides grace from us. But of all the possible explanations for our lack of awareness of grace, there is no possibility of God being indifferent, or falling in love with someone else instead of us, or pouting because of some insult, or being otherwise elsewhere attached.
But as soon as I find the insight, I see him missing the point. This next quote was almost immediately after the previous one.
Living into the mystery of grace requires encountering grace as a real gift. Grace is not earned. It is not accomplished or achieved. It is not extracted through manipulation or seduction. It is just given. Nothing in our conditioning prepares us for this radical reality. Some would say that early childhood experience with our parents is important in determining how we come to accept grace in later life. If we had loving, trustworthy parents rather than rejecting or unreliable ones, we would grow up more willing to accept God’s grace as a gift. I do not think this is so. We all have trouble accepting the radical giftedness of God’s grace, no matter what our childhood experience.
This seems to be a real problem with the book. As much as we are all addicted to something (which I think is a helpful insight), that does not mean that there are not influences on our lives that make additions worse. Our relationship with our parents I think really does influence our relationship and image of God. That does not excuse addition or sin, but it does help to explain it. Explanations can be helpful even if they are not exculpatory.
I was happy to be done with the book. There is insight, but a lot of frustration.
January 14, 2014
I have a family member struggling with addiction and spend alot of time looking for resources to grow my knowledge of the problem. I had seen this book before but always seemed to grab something else. After spending some time in a Recovery Bible I had recently purchased, I noted that many of the daily devotionals that really grabbed me were written by Dr. Gerald May. I finally made the connection and purchased this book. The most fascinating part of the book was learning about the psychological and physiological way the brain functions and how addiction forms both in the mind and the brain. I also liked that he didn't focus on just chemical dependency, or eating disorders, etc. Throughout the book, he connects that we are all addicted to something. Many of the illustrations are with chemical dependency since that is such an easy connection for most of us. I would recommend this book to anyone dealing with a loved one struggling with addiction. I'm a little cautious about recommending it for an addict, unless they are in recovery and have their "sound mind" back because you do have to give your reading time complete attention on certain parts. Lastly, thanks be to God for the grace he extends to me everyday and for Dr. May for reminding me of that.
March 1, 2014
This is another one of those books that give so much difficulty,not that they are particularly hard to read,but they just cause so much difficulty in all areas.Take the ratings system,for instance.Its inadaquacy to come close to reflecting a gut opinion renders the system way less than useful.In fact it barely gives a clue as the books impact.With such a limited range,gross generalization
There is some important observations in this book,and there were even a few times I loved it.Therefore,because it was better than average but not earth shatterring,I am coerced in giving it a 4 out 5 when I would say it was a 7 outof 10 or a 5 out of 7 (my preferred system)
Maybe before I go any farther I should confess.
I bought the book because it was highly recommended,and I liked the title.
But to my dismay, I could never quite get past the first chapter. I did enough scattered reading to decide I wanted toput it on my return later pile but it took at least half a dozen more attempts to make a dent into the material.
Now that I have read the whole thing,about 4 years after my last attempt, I am not sure that I quite yet get it.
I have some notes Imade which when I have on hand I will elaborate on.
There is some important observations in this book,and there were even a few times I loved it.Therefore,because it was better than average but not earth shatterring,I am coerced in giving it a 4 out 5 when I would say it was a 7 outof 10 or a 5 out of 7 (my preferred system)
Maybe before I go any farther I should confess.
I bought the book because it was highly recommended,and I liked the title.
But to my dismay, I could never quite get past the first chapter. I did enough scattered reading to decide I wanted toput it on my return later pile but it took at least half a dozen more attempts to make a dent into the material.
Now that I have read the whole thing,about 4 years after my last attempt, I am not sure that I quite yet get it.
I have some notes Imade which when I have on hand I will elaborate on.
October 27, 2013
According to Dr. May, we define ourselves by our addictions. From a spiritual perspective, addiction (which intersects with physical or psychological addictions, but is not synonymous with them) is anything we cling to instead of God, anything that solves our problems for us. As one seeks authentic liberation, via the grace of God, we don't replace our attachments to non-God things with other non-God thing. May acknoweldges that it's a lifelong process and part of being human means there are almost always addictions we aren't willing to be liberated from.
I find May the most compelling when he writes about personal experience. From time to time, in this book, I think he jumps to generalisations unnecessarily. It took me a long time to get to this book after buying it, but I'm glad I finally did. I expect it will be a book I read again in some number of years.
I find May the most compelling when he writes about personal experience. From time to time, in this book, I think he jumps to generalisations unnecessarily. It took me a long time to get to this book after buying it, but I'm glad I finally did. I expect it will be a book I read again in some number of years.
June 2, 2014
Great book. Though I don't believe all sins are addictions, I agree with the author that the sin nature of our heart tangle us in an addictive cycle. I love the point that the author makes when He mentions that embracing Grace and Honesty will help us move towards freedom. The craving might never go away, but one needs to learn to live with the craving that will never be satisfied on earth. That craving points towards the God. Everyday we will be tempted and everyday we will have to make the decision of staying sober because at the end we know that we cannot be satisfied.
Really loved this book. The chapter on brain chemistry is very easy to read.
Though I was expecting the author to go more in depth explaining how this would work with clients who have developed a physical dependency with a drug, I think he did a great job.
Really loved this book. The chapter on brain chemistry is very easy to read.
Though I was expecting the author to go more in depth explaining how this would work with clients who have developed a physical dependency with a drug, I think he did a great job.
January 12, 2015
A great read about the depths of addiction. It's a simple, accessible read, but at times felt a little drawn - parts I wasn't finding much meaning in, though another may.
The author's writing is simple and approachable. Wisdom comes best this way, I think.
My big take away was hearing how all people are addicted to something, perhaps many things. Just ask yourself to stop something, and if you can't, you'll be face to face with addiction. (They're not all about drugs and alcohol, that is.) To hear the mechanics of addiction from a spiritual, psychological, and physiological perspective was intriguing. I saw how these things would work in my life, have worked in my life.
This one will be a book to hand to others, if the topic comes up. It could even be a good study for spiritual life groups.
The author's writing is simple and approachable. Wisdom comes best this way, I think.
My big take away was hearing how all people are addicted to something, perhaps many things. Just ask yourself to stop something, and if you can't, you'll be face to face with addiction. (They're not all about drugs and alcohol, that is.) To hear the mechanics of addiction from a spiritual, psychological, and physiological perspective was intriguing. I saw how these things would work in my life, have worked in my life.
This one will be a book to hand to others, if the topic comes up. It could even be a good study for spiritual life groups.
March 23, 2009
Addiction and Grace is a profoundly transformative read. Although the term 'addiction' off the cuff makes one think about extreme addictions such as alcoholism and substance abuse, the book is actually about the universal human condition of addiction. It walks its readers through the mind-body-spirit elements of addiction/attachment processes we all struggle with on a daily basis and that get in the way of us living full and free lives in pursuit of happiness. It is a book written by a Christian psychiatrist and is written to a Christian audience. I will likely return to this book many more times in my life, as its not a book one can ever truly finish reading!
July 3, 2013
This book is incredible. May's take on addiction and attachment really forces you to consider your own life and once you do, there is a feeling of true humility. He speaks to some truths that are very hard to face! The book left me with the realization that I have a LOT to work on in regards to my own attachments and addictions. May relates all of this back to our innate longing for God. Although this has been one of the most helpful books I've read in terms of clinical psychology and substance use, it is also one of the most helpful books I've read in terms of spirituality. It is one that I will reread and reference often.
January 24, 2014
Dr. May was especially gifted by God to think in profound ways. Addiction & Grace is a staple at Kingdom Community Ministries (www.kcmcounseling.com) whenever we treat cases involving compulsivity! This is not the sort of book one plows through; rather, it is digested in small bites that bring in-depth revelation of one's human condition. A must read for any follower of Jesus Christ. It's all about grace, folks!
October 6, 2014
May contends that we all suffer from Addiction - trying to satiate our hungers for love and acceptance with "something else," whether alcohol, chocolate, driving too fast, chewing our nails, or hating immigrants. God, or a Higher Power, or some kind of relationship with spirituality and the Love that is Beyond us is all that can satiate us (Augustine, anyone? Pascal?). He also makes connections with recent neuroscience. A fascinating book. I'd like to spend some more time with it.
January 24, 2017
A masterful attempt to deal with a mysterious and often difficult subject. His reflections on grace, attachment and their intersection with the science of addiction was insightful whilst avoiding the temptation of being too 'certain' and dogmatic about a mysterious subject.
There were times where his openness to mystery sounded more like rambling, but overall I highly recommend it and will probably reread it at some point in the future.
There were times where his openness to mystery sounded more like rambling, but overall I highly recommend it and will probably reread it at some point in the future.
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