How To Come Across as a Well-Adjusted Baby-Gay In Order to Get So Much Ass It's Not Even Funny
1. Use bedroom voice.
2. Chuckle knowingly often.
3. Be mysterious but forthcoming.
4. Be a confident motherfucker.
If that little gem of a list does not get you to read this free online story, I have no idea what will. This book is laugh out loud funny, fan yourself sexy, and twist your heart angsty but in a good way. I went in expecting buttsex and blowjobs and MC to MC angst and left with buttsex and blowjobs and MC to MC angst as well as some pretty serious take-a-look-at-yourself-bitch-you-didn't-expect-depth-but-here-it-is-and-now-you're-bawling-your-eyes-out-like-a-little-girl-because-you-can-relate bit.
Gunnar is a self-centered, pompous jackass who also happens to be one of the most entertaining narrators I've had the pleasure to read (he'd prolly think so too). He's unapologetic, a bit naive, but so damn adorable in his conviction to his own awesomeness that you just can't help but fall completely in love with him.
He wakes up after a night of partying to a text message saying "God, my ass hurts. I can't even sit down properly. Cheers to you. Coffee at 1?". After figuring out what exactly happened and discovering that not only was he an enthusiastic participant in the previous night's debauchery but he also wants to get debauched again, he embraces the gay and got all cute and hilariously ignorant.
He says, "Do I look gay to you?" Because suddenly he's thinking that maybe he should. That maybe he should have put on a pink button-up and popped the collar or something. And sandals. He should definitely be wearing sandals.
She says, "What?"
But then he remembers, he's hot no matter what he's wearing so he says, "What what?" Which only makes the girl flush more and turn to face the window.
That happens not even a couple of hours after he finds out about his butt-boinking adventures of the night before. Doesn't even spend so much time angst-ing about the turn in his preference in bed partners. When you say embrace, dude really embraces.
He then meets Vance the mysterious texter, has sober sex, and falls head over fucking heels he scares himself. Gunnar has issues, however, that he doesn't have the inclination to invest a fraction of his awesomeness in sorting out. This is when the story shifts and becomes more than just a funny take on the usual GFY. This is when you realize that it's not only a boy meets boy romance but also Gunnar's painful but necessary journey to the land of the feels.
You see, Gunnar has only ever loved one person in his life - his equally pompous jackass of a brother - and the sentiment is not even reciprocated, something Gunnar knows and just shrugs about. He doesn't love his parents, or their dog, or his friends, or any of his bed flings. It's not that he wants not to feel anything for these people, it's just that he doesn't. There's just nothing there. When his friend almost OD'd on pills, his first thought was how inconvenient it would be to find a new roommate. And as unfeeling as that may sound, I completely get what he means. I know how it is when all you feel about the majority of people around you is meh. Not trying hard not to give a shit meh or even Vulkan-ish emotions are alien to us meh. It's just good old fashioned meh. I mean, there's like and appreciation and fondness and everything, but just not that deep, I'll grieve so hard when you die kind of love. I bet I'm not making sense. Moving on.
This not really feeling things practice has worked pretty well for Gunnar in the past so when he suddenly starts getting all "I have feels" with Vance, he gets unsurprisingly idiotic about it. Add in some family stuff and Gunnar is swimming in so many emotions it's not even funny.
The angst is not overdone, though. The humorous narration balances shit out. The supporting characters are also well developed and important to the story and it's nice to have a non-MC be instrumental to the emotional development of the MC.
I loved this book/story/online fic. I loved that it's free. I loved that the characters talk like how my internet saturated mind thinks people their age talk. I liked Vance though I'd have appreciated to have known him more. I loved the roommates and their unabashed insistence in being fag hags. And I loved loved loved Gunnar. Unfeeling asshole or not, I'd totally want to grab some Raspberry While Chocolate Latte, non-fat, with an extra shot with this goddamned sexy chameleon.