The Catholic Girl's Survival Guide for the Single Years: The Nuts and Bolts of Staying Sane and Happy While Waiting for Mr. Right

by Emily Stimpson

Finding a spouse has never been easy. But, it’s also never been quite so hard, especially for good Catholic girls intent on having strong Catholic marriages to nice Catholic boys.

So what are all those good Catholic girls to do? How do they navigate the increasingly long (and usually trying) years between college and “I do” without losing their sanity or their soul?

Consult The Catholic Girl’s Survival Guide for the Single Years: The Nuts and Bolts of Staying Sane and Happy While Waiting for Mr. Right.

Steeped in the Church’s teachings on the feminine genius, marriage, and theology of the body, The Catholic Girl’s Survival Guide dishes with both wit and wisdom on some of the most pressing questions single women face: vocation, dating, sex, finances, work, depression, and more.

As hopeful and honest as it is fun and faithful, The Catholic Girl’s Survival Guide for the Single Years is the perfect companion for women whose journey to “I do” is turning out to be a longer one than they (or their mothers) would have liked.

Genres: Catholic, Faith, Christian, Religion, Nonfiction, Self Help

156 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2012

Reviews

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

I borrowed this book from the library and I was kind of embarrassed - I mean, look at the title: "Staying Sane and Happy While Waiting for Mr. Right?" I want to barf just thinking about it. I might want to get married, but that doesn't mean that I need a man to be sane or happy or fulfilled or any of those things.

But that doesn't change the fact that, as I watch my friends move on, whether it be to marriage or religious life, that I feel ready to move too, and I can't help but wonder what I could be doing differently and looking for a fast track to get settled instead of being stuck in limbo. So I picked up the book. It was certainly pleasant and well-written, optimistic without being unrealistic. It offered some good insights on what a vocation actually is too. If you're looking for a fast track, or a list of things to do to create a fast track, this book isn't that, and that's a good thing, because the fast track doesn't exist.

So, if you are like me and you're in limbo and looking for a way out, this book won't show you the way out, but it will show you how to make your time in limbo more fruitful and joyful.

[Cecilia Hendricks · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can’t recommend it highly enough. It was honest and encouraging.
I’m 32 and single. People have said a host of things to me about being single over the years. Some are encouraging. Some aren’t. I know that they’re well intended, but telling a 27 year old to give up on getting married because if you’re not married by age 27 no one’s going to want you. (A real thing I was once told)
Emily doesn’t pull any punches, but she’s hopeful in her honesty. (And she’s married now!) It was a really helpful book to read, and I’m definitely going to have my friends’ kids decorate my Christmas tree next year! I’m also definitely going to have more tea parties for my friends’ kids. And I’m going to keep praying for Jesus to give me a miracle-because I’m not crazy for doing that but actually doing the right thing!
I also recommend this for married ladies seeking to be good friends to their single friends. I think she has some wonderful advice and insight.
Read it with an open mind. You won’t regret it!

[Megan Byers · Rating 5 out of 5]

As I was reading, I lamented: “why didn’t I know about this book sooner?”

Upon further reflection and completion of this book, I don’t think I would have been receptive to this book any sooner, but I also don’t know what I learned besides: cool, according to Emily, I’m doing it right! For a long time I wasn’t and unfortunately I think I would have thrown a fit too if I was ever gifted this book. So I think I’m just filled with gratitude for the struggle, for singleness, and for solidarity - even if I feel it with a woman who wrote this book 12 years ago!

Emily is such a joy to read because she gets it - she wrote this book in the midst of her own waiting. Reading about her experiences is comforting and gives me hope!

[Courtney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you, Ms. Stimpson, for putting to paper the many emotions, conversations, joys, and sorrows of single Catholic women like me! This book wonderfully captures the hopes, dreams, struggles, and prayers of those of us who live and work in 2012 but are not willing to compromise our faith and morals to have a ring on it. The advice, stories, and side notes are funny, honest, and refreshing. Yes, refreshing. Refreshing because it really felt like I was having a great conversation with girlfriends over coffee, that we share the same struggles, coping mechanisms, and experiences. I found myself relating to each and every story and pearl of wisdom, but the chapter that really hit home for me is Being a Career Woman. This book has easily earned a spot on my "favorites" bookcase in my living room, as I know I'll be referring to and talking about it often! With a glass of wine, of course!

I recommend this book to all my single sisters, but also to everyone who has a single Catholic woman in their life. Married friends and/or friends with kids will gain a better understanding of what is difficult for your single friend to share you about her struggles and needs. I'll also go one step further and recommend this book to our beloved parish priests. I live in a Chicago suburb which seems to be inhabited by beautiful couples and adorable families so it is easy to understand why I can't recall hearing a homily about us singles sitting in the pews. Guess what I'll be gifting to my spiritual director...

Ms. Stimpson, from one girl to another, thank you! And if you're ever in the Chicago area, I'd love to buy you that pumpkin spice latte.




Upon receipt of book: I heard about this book (maybe on Relevant Radio?) and ordered it right away even though I have a mountain of a to-read stack of books. It arrived this morning so I read through the intro. I can't wait to keep reading! As the author says, "At 35 I'm not supposed to be single..."

[Clare · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't do better than quote Kimberly Hahn's review of this book:
"Always uplifting, The Catholic Girl's Survival Guide for the Single Years offers timeless truths that help women see beyond current circumstances to grasp the bigger picture of life as a beloved daughter of God. I highly recommend this book for anyone who is a single Catholic woman—or anyone who wants to learn how to love single women better. I don't know of another book that does what this book does for single women—it's simply outstanding!" Kimberly Hahn.

Even not being the kind of reader this book is aimed at, I found so many suggestions for daily life that would be helpful for anyone. But what is so uniquely special about this book is that it has three qualities that make a spiritual-help book particularly attractive: honesty, humour and holiness. The author is candidly honest about how she feels (as do many others in her situation), she writes with a sparkling sense of humour, and she anchors all her advice on deep spiritual truths that give a refreshing and beautiful 'fragrance' to her writing. Highly recommended. Reviewed for www.GoodReadingGuide.com

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I met the author at the Behold Conference, and I’ve enjoyed her writing online in various places, so I thought that, although the book didn’t appear to be anything relevant to me, I’d give it a shot. I couldn’t have been more wrong! Not only was it speaking to ME in many ways, but I marked passages and will be sharing more thoughts about it at length. One of the best books I’ve read in a long time, and I don’t say that lightly! I couldn’t put it down!

[Brandy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Bravo for the author to have the courage to write this book! I found this book did have some good advice. However I did have a problem with the fact the author seems to assume if you have a desire to marry it will eventually happen. What if God never wills it? Also she wrote on page 131, "He gives us the grace to be alone today", but she is missing a key fact. We are not alone.... God is with us. We may feel alone but we need to remember we are not! Still over all it was worth reading.

[Karen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Most of the book was written for a slightly more Catholic and slightly older woman. Not really for me, but good advice. And if nothing else, it's nice to know that there are people who feel similarly to me out there.

[Claire Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read The Catholic Girl’s Survival Guide for the Single Years: The Nuts and Bolts of Staying Sane and Happy While Waiting for Mr. Right, By Emily Stimpson, Published in 2012. At first and while reading this, I thought it was a little shallow and didn’t use enough Bible quotes. Now that I have completed it, I realize it was a really ballsy book to write. Moreover, Stimpson uses a really clear and understandable writing style. I tried so hard to make this truly a “reflection,” but Stimpson’s words express the concepts better than I could. I now offer what I enjoyed and appreciated most from this book.

A very important quote to me was: “Despite how it may seem, the years you and I spend waiting for toddlers to chase or husbands to feed don’t have to be years of woe and misery. Yes, the waters in which singles sail are undeniably choppy and the winds wicked strong. But, at times, the sea of the single life can actually be much calmer and more pleasant than the sea of married life.” (Stimpson v) In the beginning of my read, I tried to think of a sailboat theme, hoping in the back of my mind that in the end I would be able to envision a sailboat on clear waters. However, I soon learned that the waters are not often calm and beautiful. Therefore, we must pray and give it up to God. Later in the book, she discusses “stormy winds” which again brought my focus back to a sailboat at sea:

"The soul of woman must therefore be expansive and open to all human beings; it must be quiet so that no small weak flame will be extinguished by stormy winds; warm so as not to benumb fragile buds; clear, so that no vermin will settle in dark corners and recesses; self-contained, so that no invasions from without can imperil the inner life; empty of self, in order that extraneous life may have room in it; finally, mistress of itself and also of its body, so that the entire person is readily at the disposal of every call. (Edith Stein)"(Stimpson30)

“Never before in history have quite so many people delayed marriage quite so late into adulthood. Some delay by choice. Others by chance. Nonetheless, marriage is delayed for a whole lot of us.” (Stimpson 2). My girlfriends and I discuss this all the time; it’s good to hear the affirmation in a book.

I have spent the past semester praying on this: “As Catholics we know that ‘the body expresses the person.’ (JPII Man and Woman He Created Them) In other words, our bodies reveal something about who we are. They make visible the invisible truths of our inner lives, and they make visible the invisible differences between men and women. They embody and attest to those differences. They’re not the extent of them. So, just as there are male and female bodies, there also are male and female souls, each corresponding to a masculine or feminine body, and each, in its own way, revealing something unique about God.” (Stimpson 21).

”The moral and spiritual strength of a woman is joined to her awareness that God entrusts the human being to her in a special way. Of course, God entrusts every human being to each other and every other human being. But this entrusting concerns women in a special way–precisely by reason of their femininity–and this in a particular way determines their vocation…A woman is strong because of her awareness of this entrusting, strong because of the fact that God ‘entrusts the human being to her,’ always and in every way, even in the situations of social discrimination which she may find herself. This awareness and this fundamental vocation speak to women of the dignity which they receive from God himself, and this makes them ‘strong’ and strengthens their vocation.” (Stimpson 21; JPII’s Mulieris Dignatatem, no. 30)

She discussed Theology of the Body! I have used this quote lately! (I actually wrote an article for my church and included this quote!) One lady told me it made her get chills. ”When Catholics pray, it’s not just with our minds or spirits; it’s with our bodies. We kneel, we genuflect, and we trace the Sign of the Cross on our foreheads, lips, and hearts. Our bodies are also the very means through which we encounter grace…Be aware of how integral your body is to your relationship with God. Let its movements mirror the movements of your soul. And bring it again and again into physical, personal contact with Christ in the Eucharist.” (Stimpson 73)

I’m so thankful Stimpson brought into light women’s careers and God’d plan for these women (us women)!

Thank you, women who work! You are present and active in every area of life-social, economic, cultural, artistic and political. In this way you make an indispensable contribution to the growth of a culture which unites reason and feeling, to a model of life ever open to the sense of “mystery”, to the establishment of economic and political structures ever more worthy of humanity. (Stimpson 81; JPII, Letter to Women, 2)
Stimpson elaborates on the Pope’s words (this is a moment when this piece is not a true reflection of my understanding– I really could not say this better if I tried!):

“Most important, you can’t think of your work as just ‘killing time,’ because in God’s plan for you, this time of waiting was not unaccounted for. Again, he has work for you to do. Right now, not just when babies come. This is your opportunity to do that work and do it in a way you wouldn’t be able to if you had a house full of toddlers.” (Stimpson 85)

“So be fearless. Follow God wherever he calls you. This time in life is an opportunity that may not last and will not come again. Don’t waste it.” (Stimpson 85)

“The church…understands the burden women and families face. She also understands the manifold gifts women have to offer society as intellectuals and professionals. She knows just how desperately the feminine genius is needed in the world today. That’s the genius she asks all women who are able and willing to bring to the marketplace. That’s the genius she asks you to bring to the marketplace.
“For as long as we remain single, and perhaps after, doing what she asks is our duty. It’s also our privilege, a chance to serve the God we love and grow in holiness along the way.” (Stimpson 91)

[Valerie Kollar · Rating 5 out of 5]

I typically find at least a little bit of fault with every book about single-hood I read. I don’t *remember* reading even one thing I disagreed with in this entire book- granted, it was four years ago that I read it, so that could be why. But it’s pure gold. I recommend it to every woman, and heck, I’m sure even a man could get something out of reading this!

[Erica Lizza · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book came highly recommended, but I was disappointed with it. The highlights were sections on vocation, careers, and theology of the body. I’m a bit conflicted about how the author presented the concept of the feminine genius.

[Margaret Hovestadt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Parts of this book really resonated with me. It answered some of the rough questions as well as helped me identify some ways to grow in my current vocation. Parts I disagree with, but it was essentially a great book with a lot of good information and thoughts.

[Cassaundra · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is for every single Catholic woman. It’s funny and real! This book is unlike any book I’ve read for Catholic single women. Emily has a way of telling it how it is, calling you to be better person, and throwing hilarity in at unexpected spots. I can’t recommend this book enough!

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good, practical advice! Not cheesy and very honest. I would recommend this to any single Catholic woman!

[Ruth Lucy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Don’t judge a book by its cover - this is a gem!

[Caroline Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

DO NOT judge this book by its cover or title. DO read the introduction to determine if you fall into the target audience or not - this will make a difference!

[Sarah O’Donnell · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book doesn’t have all the answers for finding a spouse, but it does feel nice to read a book by someone who very clearly understands.

[Ann-Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars- pleasant and hopeful read :)

[Nicole Rodgers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Don’t be deterred by the title and cover art. This one was a straight 🎯

[Chelsea · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book rather quickly. Its an easy read, and quite enjoyable. I'd easily feel comfortable recommending this book to any Christian Single Woman who feels called to get married.

This book is FOR those women. The one's who desperately want to be married and have kids running around them. As a young woman who is not sure what she's called to yet, this book is still useful, but I a bit less so.

What I really liked: Sense of humor. The author is honest with herself and funny. She's not afraid to admit her mistakes so that others can learn from them. The author is single as well, which is a unique perspective verses most of the books I've come across which are written by married people. Its reaffirming in its message, supporting you, not by telling you what you have to do, but by telling you what you know is right, and that you are not the only person who has struggled with this. I feel like I am a friend of the authors, not someone she is lecturing to. She gives advice about roommates, finances, dating, clothes, and what it means to be authentically feminine. Something which I will truly strive to do.

What I didn't like as much: The author truly is someone who truly wants to be married and have kids. I on the other hand, love being a veterinary student (most days) and will someday love to be a veterinarian, and I don't know if I'm called to be married and a mother. So when she talks about this desire, I just don't relate. She also, wants to be a stay at home mother, which I also can't relate to at this time. I look forward to keeping this book around though, to hang onto for if/when my feelings change.

Mostly this book is just about hope to me. Hope in knowing that God loves you and has a plan, hope in knowing that there are others out there who struggle being a single Catholic woman in this current society. Hope that there is someone perfect out there for you, that God has planned it.

I recommend this book strongly to Single Christian Women, who want to get married. I also recommend it to Single Christian Women who aren't too sure, but would like some advice on being single for the time being. I feel like its aimed for women in their mid to late 20s and older.

[Frank · Rating 5 out of 5]

For single girls who want to be single, at least for the present moment, this book is a great guide. When peer pressure makes single life an abnormality it is nice to find help that says you do not have to "measure up to some over-sexed, under-sexed, or completely idealized conception of womanhood." In other words it is okay to be a single woman. Being single is not just a holding zone until getting married. Single life is a perfectly valid life for as long as "you" want it to be.

Emily Stimpson offers counselling not so much to convince single girls how to live (or be good Catholics)but rather support those single girls who "want" to do it right. She offers support of vocations, career women, and the single life; helps her recognize who she is; suggests do's and don't's in dating so she remains who she is (not what someone else wants her to be); discusses those tough issues of sex, chastity and the biological clock; etc.

Is it easy being single? The author says "Sometimes being single just plain stinks." And no matter how good you do it "...there will still be days when you feel like Job; afflicted, persecuted, abandoned, alone." But the nice thing, she says, is "that's normal." Actually it sounds the same as how you feel at times even if you were married. And she suggests that if no one brings you flowers "....buy some pretty flowers"... yourself.

The book also deals with nuts and bolts stuff like IRAs, owning your home vs renting, student loans, etc. You can do all these things yourself even if you catch some flak from those you deal with who think this is up to the guy to handle. Maybe the greatest danger to the single girl's life style is being taken advantage of by guys or business people and certainly not being taken serious. Read this book if you want the support that says you are okay as you are. The author offers some support specific to Catholic single girls but other single girls will also gain from this book, immensely. In fact this book is really a great read for all women (even guys).

[Sam · Rating 4 out of 5]

The title of this book pretty much sums up who will get the most out of it. For young Catholic women who find their values at odds with those of society at large, Ms. Stimpson, a single Catholic woman herself, provides a resource that demonstrates we are by no means alone.

There were aspects of the book I did not get much out of, resulting in the 4-star rating. I firmly believe that if your friend's child is throwing your grandmother's china plates around, you and your friend need to establish some boundaries ASAP (see chapter 6 on "Married People and Their Children"). Also, as a graduate student pursuing a career, I did feel that some of the notions of motherhood were a bit much. I personally believe that Catholic women can be mothers who prefer formula to breastfeeding, send their children to school (Catholic OR public) instead of homeschooling, and maintain successful careers. Generally, however, I believe the author's anecdotes merely expressed her own preference. A major theme of the book is discernment and while the author may have discerned a path which involves family in lieu of career, the book leaves open the idea that each woman may be called to something different in their life.

Overall, I enjoyed the book. Indeed, some of the sentences precisely mirrored my own thoughts and the author writes with humor and personality. Like other reviewers have noted, it arrived this afternoon and I finished reading within a few hours. The portions that resonated the most with me were the lessons in pursuing feminine genius (chapter 2) and "The Dos and Don'ts of Dating" (chapter 3). The entire book prompted some serious thought, and for that reason, I found it valuable.

Ms. Stimpson does not really indicate that her way is the only way; rather, she seeks to help Catholic women grow into the women they wish to be, first and foremost, in their relationship with God. I highly recommend this to other Catholic women who are frustrated and disappointed by their persistent single status. It is certainly thought-provoking and eminently relatable.

[Sunny · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am preparing to give one of the best compliments that I can give a book: I will not be giving this book away or trading it in at the local book store, because I'm going to want to read it again.

There. I've said it. I'm not single and I'm not Catholic. I'm not even what you would call religious. But, I'm a woman. And this book is a wonderful treat! It's not just a guide for remaining true to the church's teachings; it's a guide for how to be an upstanding, good friend, wife, woman.

Ms. Stimpson was charming, funny, and clever. Parts of the book were steeped just a little too deeply in the dogma of the church - but, it's not like the title of the book didn't warn us! Nevertheles, the author makes the lessons seem more contemporary without sounding condescending.

I plan on loaning this book to my Catholic, married, BFF. I'm sure she'll enjoy it. But, she better give it back, because this is going to become a permanent addition to my library. And, I'll share it with my 13 year old niece very soon!

Note to Emily Stimpson: OK, OK. You win. I'm totally going to try a pumpkin spice latte the next time I have a chance!

Oh, and to satisfy the FTC, I should also say that I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads.

[Maricris Candelaresi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not bad. There were some parts that were great reminders and things I haven't really thought about (i.e. how to be a Catholic career woman, add'l ideas on enjoying my single life, etc...) but this was pretty much a refresh if you've been involved in some sort of Young Adult group already. I really liked the end though - God placed me in this situation for a reason, I just have to keep faithful to His plan and will.

[Amy Page · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recently came out of an engagement with a Catholic man. I'm starting RCIA this fall (raised and baptized Presbyterian). This end of past relationship has really crippled me in so many ways, but I think my relationship with God is being strengthened through all these toils. I wish I had read this book before getting engaged (and/or at the beginning of our relationship). I especially enjoyed the part of this book on the Theology of the body.

[Marcia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is supposed to be for a very narrow group of people-- single Catholic women. It is valuable for its target audience as well as just about anyone else. It approaches being single from the Catholic viewpoint. Since it also gives spiritual and practical advice, it may appeal to others not in the primary focus group.

[pri · Rating 3 out of 5]

not for everyone (quite simply not for non-catholic woman who are not single!) - and some of her opinions would spark a great debate amongst my friends. but i found the book comforting and, as a single woman, it made me hold my shoulders back a bit and stand up straighter. particularly resonating was cultivating beauty, the genius of women, and the joy to be had in married friends.

[Cambria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful, and very good, even though I am already in a very happy relationship! Lots of good reminders to embrace who you are as a woman, strive to grow in femininity and expand your horizons, and not expect a man to "complete" you or fill in all of your holes, because- he can't. Even if he's amazing.

[Allyson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very well written and sound advice/anecdotes. I recommend scanning chapter four, at least if you are familiar with Theology of the Body. I liked this book, but I liked Jason and Crystalina Evert's "How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul" a little better.

[MaryAnn · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not as helpful as "Praying for Your Future Husband." This book only made me feel guilt at some things I personally consider to be okay and not sinful. And I consider myself to be Catholic! Subliminal messages of slut shaming, in my opinion. Maybe if I read it again, I would reconsider.