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Police, Crime & 999: The True Story of a Front Line Officer (Paperback) - Common
Ever wondered what really happens behind the scenes in the police? What bizarre 999 calls are made to the emergency services? Why can wearing two pairs of socks make you a suspect? What is the link between police and vampires? Which Royal arrest never made news headlines? What covert sign do officers make when they no longer wish to talk to you? After successful careers in both the military and business, John Donoghue realised that the higher you get in any organisation, the less fun you have. So, after handing back his expense account and company car, he joined the police in search of excitement and thrills... and discovered some surprising answers to these puzzling questions. PC John Donoghue reveals all in his fascinating and hilarious true account of a year in the life of a front line response officer. Names and places have been changed to protect the guilty... but if you call the police, maybe, just maybe, it could be Police Constable John Donoghue turning up at your door. This book will appeal to anyone interested in crime and police, as well as fans of autobiographies and humour.
296 pages, Paperback
First published May 13, 2011
56 people are currently reading
317 people want to read
About the author
John Donoghue
7 books394 followersJohn Donoghue has served Queen, King, and Country over forty years in the Royal Navy, British Army, and Police.
He has written five books about his experiences in the constabulary, which have included:
Arresting the bride at her wedding.
Chasing a naked lubed up dog thief.
A royal arrest that never made the headlines.
A woman who complained next door's bees were "stealing her pollen".
An undercover nun... and hundreds more bizarre 999 calls and incidents.
These days, he’s swapped handcuffs for heraldry as a guide at a medieval castle.
His latest book, 'Castles, Crime & Cake: A Policeman's Accidental Guide to History' tells the story of that transition, which also involved obscure long forgotten crimes... and cake.
He also has a dog, Monty, who’s yet to break any known laws, but has taken on the role of farting jester perfectly.
Feel free to follow me on twitter @johndonoghue64
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 86 reviews
Currently reading
August 10, 2023This is so bad I can't believe I'm actually reading it. I'm on chapter 5 now and determined to finish it as I've dnf'd the last three books which I didn't even bother adding to my shelves. There was one whole chapter written in a sardonic sort of anthropological report on chavs. Everything from speech patterns to clothes to their extreme lack of brain cells and major criminality. I thought chavs, the girls anyway, were just the inheritors of Essex girls, you know Croydon facelift , cut off bleached jeans, tarantula lashes and white stilettos, and the guys always in Burberry, I didn't know they were supposed to be criminals as well.
I wonder how far I'll get before I'll abandon the book? And whether or terrible writing, really boring content or the absolute smugness that pervades the book?
I wonder how far I'll get before I'll abandon the book? And whether or terrible writing, really boring content or the absolute smugness that pervades the book?
May 23, 2013
In Police, Crime &999 John Donoghue gives us an hilarious, and sometimes serious, first hand account of the first year in the life of a newly qualified Panda commander and being one of our “Boys in Blue” Its an account filled with fascinating , quirky and rather interesting characters: colleagues, drunks, hooligans, robbers, bystanders, your every day Tom, Dick and Harry and best of all the Chavs and Chavettes- I absolutely love them.
The incidents and happenings range from the downright bizarre to the every day mundane with a mixture of funny and tragic thrown in for good measure. There are fun times and hard times and you see life and death as never before. Most of all though, you will find yourself laughing uncontrollably long after you put the book down and SaTURDay will never, ever be the same again.
Thanks John for a brilliant, 5star read – this book comes highly recommended.
The incidents and happenings range from the downright bizarre to the every day mundane with a mixture of funny and tragic thrown in for good measure. There are fun times and hard times and you see life and death as never before. Most of all though, you will find yourself laughing uncontrollably long after you put the book down and SaTURDay will never, ever be the same again.
Thanks John for a brilliant, 5star read – this book comes highly recommended.
September 19, 2012
I was so excited when I bought this book, I actually tweeted the author and told him. Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before I discovered I was going to have to deliver some rather bad news. Whilst I found the first 70 pages or so really rather funny and did have a giggle or two, it became very clear that this was the best stuff. After that it went straight downhill. Or rather off a cliff.
I was hoping to be entertained and informed about the front line experiences of a police officer in his first year on the beat. The author, having reached an age where maturity and insight could have really made this book informative and educational, instead turned to school boy humour and snarky, sarcastic clichés to build up his word count.
Even more disappointing is that on only very few occasions does Mr Donoghue show any empathy although his cynicism is ample. He dismisses the role of therapists and psychologists but then, almost so that he doesn’t piss them off, he does give a paragraph of back handed praise for their efforts. He does exactly the same to traffic officers. In fact he does it to everyone. His sexual innuendos and general disregard for females was reprehensible.
He digresses with random stories all over the place that have absolutely nothing to do with policing. He overuses the phrases “blues and twos” and “But I digress” so many times I had to stop reading because it was so irritating.
I had hoped for a insightful whilst comical account of the difficulties facing a rookie cop instead I got a rambling, repetitive regurgitation by what appears to be someone who is arrogant and smug about his role as a police officer. Wanna be stand up comedians are not what the Constabulary needs these days.
Give this one a miss.
I was hoping to be entertained and informed about the front line experiences of a police officer in his first year on the beat. The author, having reached an age where maturity and insight could have really made this book informative and educational, instead turned to school boy humour and snarky, sarcastic clichés to build up his word count.
Even more disappointing is that on only very few occasions does Mr Donoghue show any empathy although his cynicism is ample. He dismisses the role of therapists and psychologists but then, almost so that he doesn’t piss them off, he does give a paragraph of back handed praise for their efforts. He does exactly the same to traffic officers. In fact he does it to everyone. His sexual innuendos and general disregard for females was reprehensible.
He digresses with random stories all over the place that have absolutely nothing to do with policing. He overuses the phrases “blues and twos” and “But I digress” so many times I had to stop reading because it was so irritating.
I had hoped for a insightful whilst comical account of the difficulties facing a rookie cop instead I got a rambling, repetitive regurgitation by what appears to be someone who is arrogant and smug about his role as a police officer. Wanna be stand up comedians are not what the Constabulary needs these days.
Give this one a miss.
July 10, 2013
Like me have you ever thought the police were a straight laced, po-faced lot? (I hasten to add at this point that I've known a few friends and relatives in the force, sorry guys). Well it seems underneath it all at least some of them have resolved not to let the buggers get them down. John Donoghue's hilarious account of his life as a front line officer had me crying tears of mirth at I sat on my sunbed on holiday. Apart from giving me the best laugh I've had in a very long time I was left with a greater respect for the very frustrating, difficult and sometimes thankless job they do, po-faced or otherwise.
January 30, 2012
This was exetremely funny read from cover to cover....if anyone would like to see a true insight in what the police deal with on a day to day business this is the book to read.
April 22, 2017
Time taken to read - on and off 3 days
Pages - 296
Publisher - Troubador Publishing
Blurb from Amazon
Ever wondered what really happens behind the scenes in the police? What bizarre 999 calls are made to the emergency services? Why can wearing two pairs of socks make you a suspect? What is the link between police and vampires? Which Royal arrest never made news headlines? What covert sign do officers make when they no longer wish to talk to you? After successful careers in both the military and business, John Donoghue realised that the higher you get in any organisation, the less fun you have. So, after handing back his expense account and company car, he joined the police in search of excitement and thrills... and discovered some surprising answers to these puzzling questions. PC John Donoghue reveals all in his fascinating and hilarious true account of a year in the life of a front line response officer. Names and places have been changed to protect the guilty... but if you call the police, maybe, just maybe, it could be Police Constable John Donoghue turning up at your door. This book will appeal to anyone interested in crime and police, as well as fans of autobiographies and humour.
My Review
In this book, PC John Donoghue gives a hillarious, un pc and dare I say it, shocking insight into what life as a policeman and dealing with the public is actually like. True stories in relatively short bite chapters at different criminals, situations and mishaps he has experienced and how he has handled them with his fellow officers.
I do love a book that has real life encounters with members of society, especially those from different walks of life. Truth can always be far stranger than fiction and Donoghue gives us a small glimpse at some of lifes colourful characters.
There are quite a few laugh out loud tales in the book that some people will think are made up because people just don't do things like that, they really do and some will leave your jaw hanging! There will be a minority of folk who may find one or two turns of phrases to be offensive or possibly even judgmental, however if you read the book as it was intended you will see it for what it is. There is no denying how hard a serving officers job must be and humor is sometimes the only thing you have to get you through the horrors and reality that is some people's life. So when you pick up this book, keep that in mind and I am sure you will love it.
Funny, witty, well written and in chapters that aren't to lengthy that if you have a busy life you can easily dip in and out. I think Donoghue would be hilarious to watch on a stage doing a book tour, the hilarity just jumps off the page and I did burst out laughing once or twice so maybe not a book for public transport reading.
This is my first dance with this author, I would certainly read him again and he does have at least one more book like this if not more. A look at how different some folk live laced with humor and the dark reality that is some folks actual lives. Thanks to Crime Book Club for introducing me to a new author and Donoghue himself for providing a copy for review. As always, all views are my own, available to buy from Amazon in paperback or kindle, 4/5 for me this time.
Pages - 296
Publisher - Troubador Publishing
Blurb from Amazon
Ever wondered what really happens behind the scenes in the police? What bizarre 999 calls are made to the emergency services? Why can wearing two pairs of socks make you a suspect? What is the link between police and vampires? Which Royal arrest never made news headlines? What covert sign do officers make when they no longer wish to talk to you? After successful careers in both the military and business, John Donoghue realised that the higher you get in any organisation, the less fun you have. So, after handing back his expense account and company car, he joined the police in search of excitement and thrills... and discovered some surprising answers to these puzzling questions. PC John Donoghue reveals all in his fascinating and hilarious true account of a year in the life of a front line response officer. Names and places have been changed to protect the guilty... but if you call the police, maybe, just maybe, it could be Police Constable John Donoghue turning up at your door. This book will appeal to anyone interested in crime and police, as well as fans of autobiographies and humour.
My Review
In this book, PC John Donoghue gives a hillarious, un pc and dare I say it, shocking insight into what life as a policeman and dealing with the public is actually like. True stories in relatively short bite chapters at different criminals, situations and mishaps he has experienced and how he has handled them with his fellow officers.
I do love a book that has real life encounters with members of society, especially those from different walks of life. Truth can always be far stranger than fiction and Donoghue gives us a small glimpse at some of lifes colourful characters.
There are quite a few laugh out loud tales in the book that some people will think are made up because people just don't do things like that, they really do and some will leave your jaw hanging! There will be a minority of folk who may find one or two turns of phrases to be offensive or possibly even judgmental, however if you read the book as it was intended you will see it for what it is. There is no denying how hard a serving officers job must be and humor is sometimes the only thing you have to get you through the horrors and reality that is some people's life. So when you pick up this book, keep that in mind and I am sure you will love it.
Funny, witty, well written and in chapters that aren't to lengthy that if you have a busy life you can easily dip in and out. I think Donoghue would be hilarious to watch on a stage doing a book tour, the hilarity just jumps off the page and I did burst out laughing once or twice so maybe not a book for public transport reading.
This is my first dance with this author, I would certainly read him again and he does have at least one more book like this if not more. A look at how different some folk live laced with humor and the dark reality that is some folks actual lives. Thanks to Crime Book Club for introducing me to a new author and Donoghue himself for providing a copy for review. As always, all views are my own, available to buy from Amazon in paperback or kindle, 4/5 for me this time.
June 6, 2014
This humorous memoir written by a serving police officer of the Metropolitan Police (Scotland Yard) is at once insightful, irreverent, empathetic and raucous. Author John Donoghue manages to find humor even in the midst of horrific situations. It's a defense mechanism, of course, a way to insulate oneself from the terror and tragedy, to continue forward and yet not fall down. As he writes: "I guess that's where the black humor comes from. It's either make a joke about things or go back home and lie down in a darkened room and listen to whale music." Humor is also a way to insulate yourself from the hatred and injustice heaped upon your head like hot coals. But there are also times when there's nothing to do but face things head on, such as when having to notify a man's family that he's dead, the victim of his own reckless driving. "When you attend and incident like that, sometimes the humour in he job just deserts you." The chronicle of his misadventures as he serves as the commander of a patrol unit covers a year, and within that year he witnesses the heights of hilarity and human foolishness and the black depths of despair. When he finishes it, he is not quite the same person as he started: "I hadn't yet reached the stage where I stared into the abyss and the abyss stared back at me and then looked away in shame. However, in some way I felt I'd lost what was left of my innocence--that in some ways life had maybe lost a bit of its mystery. Dealing with the worst that society can offer certainly makes you more cynical." And yet..."I'd fitted a lifetime of new adventure into just one year, and had so many good laughs my sides ached, had real job satisfaction and felt some genuine camaraderie again." Obviously, since we're dealing with a mostly chronological and episodic account of true events, there is no "plot," but there is a great deal of character growth and change, a sense that we are dealing with very real people trying their utmost to make the best (for themselves and the public) out a series of bad situations. "A policeman's lot is not a happy one," goes the lament in "The Pirates of Penzance," but, as we derive from this book, it is one filled with hilarity and tragedy, pathos and despair, weariness and excitement, terror and apathy. I enjoyed this book from beginning to end, and I think it should appeal to those who also enjoy factual memoirs, written with a keen wit that is at times caustic, at times empathetic, at times frustrated, but always laced with optimism and hope, even when the foibles of the public indicate the end of civilization as we know it is not far off...perhaps especially then.
July 5, 2012
As a reader that usually stick to the main stream authors, rather than giving the indie author a chance, this book was an eye opener for me.
Having signed up to a social network site, I noticed book recommendations appearing, one that appear to stand out was this one, as several people were commenting on it.
Police,Crime & 999 The True Story of a Front line Officer "A humourous account of Policing! Causing people to laugh out loud". This intrigued me, as I work on the thin blue line. Could this make me laugh? How would I find it.
So I purchased a copy, I didn't know what to expect,if I had expected a detail accounts on how to become a Police Officer, how they deal with incidents, I would have been extremely disappointed, as this is not what the book is about. It is a TRUE insight to some of the bizarre and hilarious things, that Serving Officer comes in to contact with in the line of duty.
The author John Donoghue, draws you into the book from page one, recalling an urban myth within the Police force of the tale of a very prim lady, two police officers and misbehaving dog, which as the story unfolds you feel a laugh occuring in your belly and raising to your throat causing you to laugh out loud.
I did have to get used to the way John writes. As he writes as he thinks, he starts the story he is telling then it appears as he places it on the page, it triggers recollections of other events, so he deviates to tell you that tale, then completes the tale he originally started.
As he describes his first year on the front line as a Response Officer John's own personal sense of humour is evident through out his story telling, which is self mocking and at times could be classed as risque. Giving you an entertaining insight into the humourous side of Policing.
Each chapter has several gems which cause you to laugh out loud, which you want to repeat to anyone who will listen, while you are still laughing away.
Purchasing this book made me realise that not giving the indie author a chance, I could miss out on something really good.
If you have a good sense of humour and enjoy a good old fashion belly laugh this is the book for you.
Having signed up to a social network site, I noticed book recommendations appearing, one that appear to stand out was this one, as several people were commenting on it.
Police,Crime & 999 The True Story of a Front line Officer "A humourous account of Policing! Causing people to laugh out loud". This intrigued me, as I work on the thin blue line. Could this make me laugh? How would I find it.
So I purchased a copy, I didn't know what to expect,if I had expected a detail accounts on how to become a Police Officer, how they deal with incidents, I would have been extremely disappointed, as this is not what the book is about. It is a TRUE insight to some of the bizarre and hilarious things, that Serving Officer comes in to contact with in the line of duty.
The author John Donoghue, draws you into the book from page one, recalling an urban myth within the Police force of the tale of a very prim lady, two police officers and misbehaving dog, which as the story unfolds you feel a laugh occuring in your belly and raising to your throat causing you to laugh out loud.
I did have to get used to the way John writes. As he writes as he thinks, he starts the story he is telling then it appears as he places it on the page, it triggers recollections of other events, so he deviates to tell you that tale, then completes the tale he originally started.
As he describes his first year on the front line as a Response Officer John's own personal sense of humour is evident through out his story telling, which is self mocking and at times could be classed as risque. Giving you an entertaining insight into the humourous side of Policing.
Each chapter has several gems which cause you to laugh out loud, which you want to repeat to anyone who will listen, while you are still laughing away.
Purchasing this book made me realise that not giving the indie author a chance, I could miss out on something really good.
If you have a good sense of humour and enjoy a good old fashion belly laugh this is the book for you.
March 28, 2012
These men and women are on the front lines everyday right in your own neighbor hoods helping to protect each and every person of their community,, well most of the people of their community. This book takes a look at that lighter side of the job. What is going on behind the curtain in OZ so to say. It is an hilarious book written by one of those front line officers. I promise you will laugh within the first 3 pages and continue to do so. At one point i laughed so hard that I burst a blood vessel in my eye, no lie, all the whites of my eye turned red for a week!! So give this eye popping book a read and forget your worries for while,,Thanks to John Donoghue ( @johndonoghue64 )for showing us the other side of the curtain..
April 5, 2019
First of all I love these kinds of books where it lets you glimpse into the life of a certain profession. I’ve read lots of different ones about GPs, vets and the ambulance service.
I hated this book.
The first 70 or so pages were ok but then it went down hill. The author said he came late to the job as a police officer, he was around his 40s. So when he literally couldn’t describe a woman without either being crude and sexually suggestive or horrible then he came across as a creepy middle aged man. Every woman according to him fancied him. He also could not leave innuendos alone.
There was a lot of toilet humour as well and I do not recommend reading this book around any kind of meal time. It was grim.
He used the words ‘I digress’ about 5 million times in a way that made me think he thought he sounded fancy but it actually was really irritating and had me rolling my eyes. It just came across as bad writing.
Would not recommend and I wish I hadn’t bothered.
I hated this book.
The first 70 or so pages were ok but then it went down hill. The author said he came late to the job as a police officer, he was around his 40s. So when he literally couldn’t describe a woman without either being crude and sexually suggestive or horrible then he came across as a creepy middle aged man. Every woman according to him fancied him. He also could not leave innuendos alone.
There was a lot of toilet humour as well and I do not recommend reading this book around any kind of meal time. It was grim.
He used the words ‘I digress’ about 5 million times in a way that made me think he thought he sounded fancy but it actually was really irritating and had me rolling my eyes. It just came across as bad writing.
Would not recommend and I wish I hadn’t bothered.
May 8, 2014
Witty, fun and a pleasure to read
I tentatively gave this book five stars because I didn't want to seem over excited about the book, but it was a real pleasure to read. I was constantly chuckling as quietly as possible and stifling belly laughs so as not to disturb my other half while sleeping. Donaghue recreates his experiences as an officer with finesse. His writing is delightfully descriptive and easy to follow. The town of Sandford sounds like as gem with all sorts of characters keeping the lines busy. His sense of humor in the most ridiculous of situations keep the book light and fun. I quickly wanted to follow this with his other policing book. I enjoy the dialect and the difference in the idioms and expressions native to the country. A British delight!
I tentatively gave this book five stars because I didn't want to seem over excited about the book, but it was a real pleasure to read. I was constantly chuckling as quietly as possible and stifling belly laughs so as not to disturb my other half while sleeping. Donaghue recreates his experiences as an officer with finesse. His writing is delightfully descriptive and easy to follow. The town of Sandford sounds like as gem with all sorts of characters keeping the lines busy. His sense of humor in the most ridiculous of situations keep the book light and fun. I quickly wanted to follow this with his other policing book. I enjoy the dialect and the difference in the idioms and expressions native to the country. A British delight!
March 29, 2012
As someone who commutes I read this on my train journeys. If you're easily embarrassed, please don't do as I did. Within three pages of starting I laughed aloud and then it took me a few minutes to control myself and I had to dry my eyes before continuing. If you have a sense of humour, John Donoghue will exercise it and remind you of the joy of laughter.
John takes a subject that many people have a narrow-minded view of and makes it into a hysterically funny observation of a year in the life of a serving police officer.
I cannot recommend this book strongly enough.
I am now looking out for his other book, 'SHAKESPEARE, MY BUTT!'
John takes a subject that many people have a narrow-minded view of and makes it into a hysterically funny observation of a year in the life of a serving police officer.
I cannot recommend this book strongly enough.
I am now looking out for his other book, 'SHAKESPEARE, MY BUTT!'
September 23, 2012
I bought this book after seeing people talking about it on twitter. This purchase has been a surprising turnout! I expected a serious read about frontline policing duties. What I got was that with all the banter and laughs that come with tackling a hard and demanding job. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book, every page there was a laugh on it. I've also never read a book where the acknowledgements are funny! From cover to blurb a book of laughter! There are some thought provoking and interesting facts mixed in with the banter and the job. I really loved this book, and the style it was written in reminded me of Peep Show. After watching various TV programmes about the police it was nice to see a funny side to the force, one that is normally behind closed doors and only shared with other officers and the criminals. Anybody thinking of becoming a police officer should read this it's a great insight into the year's life of a PC "Panda Commander". This book shows all sides to being a rapid response officer turning up to all manner of instances. But no matter how serious these instances are something funny will either happen or come out of PC John Donoghue's mouth! From responding to time wasters who call because they cooked lunch when the husband was eating a sandwich (that's a crime in itself!), to the real and violent domestics. This book takes you on the journey from responding to suicides, natural deaths, crash scenes, burglary's and the damn right ridiculous to missing person hunts. It's a cracking read that had me laughing from the moment I opened the book. But sadly I have finished the book and now may have to re-read it just so my evenings are filled with a bit of humour before bed. I would Highly recommend this book to anyone (as long as they can read of course) and as John says if you don't want to read it because you dislike the police than it doubles up very effectively as a source to that notorious problem of a wobbly table leg! But my sever cases of laughing in the 6th form common room has now meant that I must lend this book to my mates. A thoroughly good read and one that you should buy!
September 6, 2012
Police, Crime & 999 by John Donoghue
I was kindly sent a copy of this book by the author, however this in no way has influenced my review.
I found this book to be laugh out load funny in many places, John has a very wicked sense of humour and this comes out in his reminiscence of situations he has found himself in, whilst on duty as a Police constable some where up north in the UK.
Because of his location, I found some of the stereo types of people quite sad, but I do know from personal experience they are probably very true. I’m sure he has cleaned up many of the stories so that they do not cause offence and to protect the innocent (and those that could influence his career).
A well written book that has been written in a narrative form and therefore sometimes John does digress, and you feel like you want to prod him back on track of his original story. However, this is a trait that so many ex-solders have, and it’s a bit endearing and reminds me of sitting in the pub listening to my dads (also ex-solder) stories. Because each chapter is a separate incidence, this is a great book for having by your bed side or in the bathroom as it is perfect for dipping in and out of when you only have a few minutes to read.
The Commuting Bookworm 04/09/12
I was kindly sent a copy of this book by the author, however this in no way has influenced my review.
I found this book to be laugh out load funny in many places, John has a very wicked sense of humour and this comes out in his reminiscence of situations he has found himself in, whilst on duty as a Police constable some where up north in the UK.
Because of his location, I found some of the stereo types of people quite sad, but I do know from personal experience they are probably very true. I’m sure he has cleaned up many of the stories so that they do not cause offence and to protect the innocent (and those that could influence his career).
A well written book that has been written in a narrative form and therefore sometimes John does digress, and you feel like you want to prod him back on track of his original story. However, this is a trait that so many ex-solders have, and it’s a bit endearing and reminds me of sitting in the pub listening to my dads (also ex-solder) stories. Because each chapter is a separate incidence, this is a great book for having by your bed side or in the bathroom as it is perfect for dipping in and out of when you only have a few minutes to read.
The Commuting Bookworm 04/09/12
September 2, 2015
I read this a couple of years ago so this is a much delayed response. Having spent a chunk of my life in or near the area spoken about I could easily visualise the scenarios talked about. With this in mind do I think people who don't know the area will be able to enjoy?... Yes of course!... Everyone lives near an area like this. Those that don't will just find the comedy in it. I think most people would find this an entertaining read.
February 10, 2013
A hilarious insight into the trials and tribulations of modern day policing. Could definitely identify with a few of the anecdotes!
September 3, 2016
This book was hilarious in a special dad/police humour kind of way, which is a combination of dark and groan worthy (in a good way).
Having known and spent time with people who work for the police in some of the less affluent areas of the country, I’m pretty sure that this book is pretty accurate give or take a few instances of artistic license.
The book is essentially a collection of anecdotes (‘war stories’) from the author and his colleagues, covering a range of the more obscure jobs they have to deal with. While most of the book is designed just to entertain you and share some of the weird and wonderful jobs, such as 999 calls to the police to order an officer help hang some curtains in the front room and chasing missing goths to Whitby and the burial place of Dracula, there are actually some little nuggets of wisdom buried in there.
Such as; what do you do when you’re the sole officer sent out to apprehend an angry giant? How do you stay sane when everyone around you hates your guts and yet calls you when things go wrong?
Also, there are a surprising number of dirty protests that the police have to deal with. That’s a side of the UK that a lot of us luckily never have to see, while the poor Five-Oh are being spat at, bitten, scratched and smeared in ick. Something that we don’t appreciate by half because it’s too distasteful to talk about in civilised society (sorry for lowering the tone!)
You may have guessed that this is something that I feel quite strongly about, so I’ll take a second to address something I saw in a couple of negative Goodreads reviews about this book – namely that the author has no empathy for the community he serves, bordering on outright contempt.
I don’t think empathy and contempt are mutually exclusive to begin with, but I think it’s impossible to be a big ball of empathy while seeing the worst in people every day, being openly hated by all your ‘customers’ and attending that many sudden deaths – the only way to survive is to quit, be horrible or be hilarious. Thankfully, John Donaghue decided to be hilarious and write this book for our entertainment!
His writing style is very easy to read but comes across as exaggerated, though I don’t think that the majority of his stories actually are. I wouldn’t recommend this book if you’re squeamish, there are no punches pulled when it comes to descriptions of aforementioned dirty protests and there are some occasions when he does appear to make light of deaths.
The book is a fast moving collection of work stories, random facts and funny interactions between the police and the community they serve. However, this is a book written to amuse the reader and share the fun and the bizarre rubbish they have to deal with on a day to day basis. It isn’t a balanced representation of all the jobs they encounter – it doesn’t include the sad or gory stuff, it doesn’t include the court proceedings of each case or go on about the lack of resources allocated to the police force (though this is mentioned a couple of times, it’s essential when explaining why so few officers turn up on big jobs.)
If you’re used to police/hospital humour (doctors and nurses have some of the darkest senses of humour I’ve ever encountered!) and are looking for a fun book to read, this book for you.
Reviewed by Nia at Whispering Stories Book Blog
Having known and spent time with people who work for the police in some of the less affluent areas of the country, I’m pretty sure that this book is pretty accurate give or take a few instances of artistic license.
The book is essentially a collection of anecdotes (‘war stories’) from the author and his colleagues, covering a range of the more obscure jobs they have to deal with. While most of the book is designed just to entertain you and share some of the weird and wonderful jobs, such as 999 calls to the police to order an officer help hang some curtains in the front room and chasing missing goths to Whitby and the burial place of Dracula, there are actually some little nuggets of wisdom buried in there.
Such as; what do you do when you’re the sole officer sent out to apprehend an angry giant? How do you stay sane when everyone around you hates your guts and yet calls you when things go wrong?
Also, there are a surprising number of dirty protests that the police have to deal with. That’s a side of the UK that a lot of us luckily never have to see, while the poor Five-Oh are being spat at, bitten, scratched and smeared in ick. Something that we don’t appreciate by half because it’s too distasteful to talk about in civilised society (sorry for lowering the tone!)
You may have guessed that this is something that I feel quite strongly about, so I’ll take a second to address something I saw in a couple of negative Goodreads reviews about this book – namely that the author has no empathy for the community he serves, bordering on outright contempt.
I don’t think empathy and contempt are mutually exclusive to begin with, but I think it’s impossible to be a big ball of empathy while seeing the worst in people every day, being openly hated by all your ‘customers’ and attending that many sudden deaths – the only way to survive is to quit, be horrible or be hilarious. Thankfully, John Donaghue decided to be hilarious and write this book for our entertainment!
His writing style is very easy to read but comes across as exaggerated, though I don’t think that the majority of his stories actually are. I wouldn’t recommend this book if you’re squeamish, there are no punches pulled when it comes to descriptions of aforementioned dirty protests and there are some occasions when he does appear to make light of deaths.
The book is a fast moving collection of work stories, random facts and funny interactions between the police and the community they serve. However, this is a book written to amuse the reader and share the fun and the bizarre rubbish they have to deal with on a day to day basis. It isn’t a balanced representation of all the jobs they encounter – it doesn’t include the sad or gory stuff, it doesn’t include the court proceedings of each case or go on about the lack of resources allocated to the police force (though this is mentioned a couple of times, it’s essential when explaining why so few officers turn up on big jobs.)
If you’re used to police/hospital humour (doctors and nurses have some of the darkest senses of humour I’ve ever encountered!) and are looking for a fun book to read, this book for you.
Reviewed by Nia at Whispering Stories Book Blog
April 6, 2015
Police, Crime & 999 I’d heard of John Donoghue before I read him. A publishing agent recommended I have a listen to his anecdotes on Radio Four. That was a while ago and I never got around to it. Recently, noting a few comments on Twitter, I ambled over to Amazon and had a ‘peek inside’ Police, Crime & 999. I knew I’d missed out and immediately purchased the book. John Donoghue has a unique, wry sense of humour that cuts right to the funny bone. I could not wait to pick this book back up when I reluctantly had to put it down for a while, and every time I did, I was literally hooting out loud – I’m talking three of four times in five minutes. Trying to read some snippets to my son, I couldn’t get the words out for laughing. The author has a way of delivering one-liners that catch you unawares and are completely hilarious. It’s an honest look at life on the front line, the first year in service as a police constable. It makes you realise that a sense of humour is a requisite part of the job and probably keeps you sane. It’s Donoghue’s recounting of events and razor sharp wit, though, that enriches the telling. There are some poignant moments – I was getting all teary at one point around sudden death – and then, wham, along came John with a line that had me in hysterics. This book is an eye-opener. The characters (police and criminals) are so real they could step off the page. It makes you realise why our ‘boys-in-blue’ might get a bit jaded on occasion. It also makes you realise they care about what they do (they must do!). It delivers, seamlessly and subtly, facts around crime and fatalities (the road traffic accidents chapter is a reminder to belt up – in every sense of the word). I would quote a few lines but that would be a massive spoiler. What I will say is if, like me, life has thrown a few too many balls at you lately and you are feeling a bit jaded, buy this book, read it. I guarantee it will provide belly laughs that will drag you out of the dumps. Thanks, John. This was just what I needed. I look forward to my next two purchases, Police, Lies and Alibis and Shakespeare My Butt, with keen anticipation.
August 2, 2016
I utilized this hilarious and insightful spectacular read as a teaching tool for a young, single mother who had gotten way off-track. It was odd how we met. She had the typical drug-related recovery issues, run-ins and a few incidents with family dysfunction.
The few weeks she was given a safe environment to get her head straight (better than a jail cell)... I handed her this book as 'lesson material' and nothing but laughter came from the room where she was staying. Her demeanor improved from dismal outlook to moving forward. Then, I met her Mom who was a nurse and her toddler son.
There isn't any knowledge of how she is doing today, but life is better being handled gently by a stranger with a written pro's slant on the other side of the coin.
Thanks Officer!
The few weeks she was given a safe environment to get her head straight (better than a jail cell)... I handed her this book as 'lesson material' and nothing but laughter came from the room where she was staying. Her demeanor improved from dismal outlook to moving forward. Then, I met her Mom who was a nurse and her toddler son.
There isn't any knowledge of how she is doing today, but life is better being handled gently by a stranger with a written pro's slant on the other side of the coin.
Thanks Officer!
July 23, 2012
If you have a good sense of humour and not afraid to laugh out loud when reading a book - then this is the book for you. One of the fummiest books about being a Copper I have ever read. This guy is not afraid to laugh at himself either as he starts his career in the police force.
October 12, 2012
I've tried to find the words to describe how masterful and hilarious this book is but I've failed miserably. So, all I can say is that the author is by far the wittiest policeman in existence. I finished the book early this morning and I am still laughing hysterically.
January 30, 2017
Well worth reading it had me laughing in places and understanding the life of Police and their characters are brilliant you can relate to them and ask yourself are there really people like that still in existence and yes there is.
Beg, borrow or steal(not advocating crime) this book.
Beg, borrow or steal(not advocating crime) this book.
December 17, 2013
absolutely loved this book,had me laughing from start to finish. can't wait to read this authors other books.
March 15, 2021
wanted to like it but the way he spoke about both women and the people in the town he lived just left a bad taste in my mouth
April 28, 2015
First few pages were a bit boring, but soon it changed to hilarious! I have never laughed so much as I was reading a book. Very easy to read, and can't put the book down because you want to find another funny event. Also you see police in a completely different light: policemen and women are actually human (with great sence of humour!) not just robots in uniform :)
However did not like sexual jokes and innuendos. Couldn't help but think if author's daughter read this she was cringing ALOT :)
However did not like sexual jokes and innuendos. Couldn't help but think if author's daughter read this she was cringing ALOT :)
February 7, 2016
Brilliant! Hilarious at times, poignant when it needs to be, and an overall insight in the seedier side of society. The author spares no one, least of all himself. I'm not certain whether I have lost my faith in humanity because of the dimwits he describes, or have that faith restored by the author's observations and wise-crack comments.
Thoroughly enjoyed it, and it gave me that much more insight in police work. Chapeau! (Yes, chapeau, not chateau, mr Donoghue :) )
Thoroughly enjoyed it, and it gave me that much more insight in police work. Chapeau! (Yes, chapeau, not chateau, mr Donoghue :) )
September 1, 2021
I'm generally a big fan of the first hand experience genre, but this is uncomfortable reading in how the author speaks about others. He uses stereotypes in ways I feel the police absolutely should not, and the way he speaks about women is highly sexualised in a way that made me very uncomfortable, especially knowing the author was a police officer. It also just isn't very good - jumbled writing and lack of any real insight.
May 4, 2013
Police, Crime & 999 was told about this book but even though it wasn't my usual type to read , I found I really funny , informative and a very good read , would recommend everybody to read this !
January 5, 2016
I thoroughly enjoyed reading POLICE, CRIME & 999. The author had me giggling from the very beginning all the way through to the end. The purchase of this hilarious read was a solid investment. I got lots of good laughs out of it and will definitely be adding more of John Donoghue’s books to my (virtual) shelf!
January 20, 2014
A laugh out loud book about a police officer and his life in the force.
This book is full of anecdotes and tackles the sad and hard facts of being an officer with humour and of course respect.
Read it, you'll love it.
This book is full of anecdotes and tackles the sad and hard facts of being an officer with humour and of course respect.
Read it, you'll love it.
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