Wake up, assholes, it's lady boner time!
You know how when you're watching a show that's shitty, so you start looking for something else to watch and you realize that The Big Bang Theory's on one channel and Archer's on another? So you kind of flip back and forth, and it's perfect because when the commercials start on one channel you watch one show, and vice versa, so you never miss a scene, and it's like too much awesome - like if Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt came to your house and they were like "we want to service you sexually at the same time"?
Well, Kamikaze Boys is kinda like that.
Let me explain.
I'm reading this other book that's all "oh, the world ended but we have each other", which is cool but it's hard to relate to because I can still go to the weird gas station down the street and buy some mints. It's mint freedom all up in here so I can't relate to the government being all like "you can only have certain mints" even though some politicians don't want me having gay mints but I'm all like, "If I see a lady mint I like it's totally going in my mouth" and if they don't like it they can just whine like a bitch because I like the mints I like!
So, yeah, Orwellian shiz is great but sometimes it's fun to read something I can really relate to because even though my life gets shitty, it's all mine and I like to party.
Kamikaze Boys is written by Jay Bell, and I don't know what this guy's middle name is, but he should change it to "Fuck yeah, bitch!" because he wrote Something Like Summer, which is a book that made my brain cum. Jay "Fuck yeah, bitch!" Bell's latest book introduces us to Connor and David, two characters that are unique and instantly relatable. You'll root for them so hard
you'll have to call in sick to your shitty job.
David is being tormented by Captain Fuckstick Clyde and Connor (who's like a psycho badass but you immediately like him because he seems fucking awesome and misunderstood) saves the day. Thus begins an interesting relationship and you're dying to see them get together, but they take it slow because this isn't porn.
Life throws these guys curveballs, but they find a connection together that's beautiful and real.
In a lesser author's hands, this is where it would end all happy and bullshitty, with rainbows and rimjobs for everybody*, but "fuck that!" says the author, who throws in plot twists like he's slapping you with his dick. Plus he keeps it coming by making everything believable (dude did his research, unlike SOME OTHER AUTHORS WHO JUST MAKE UP SHIT YOU KNOW WHO YOU FUCKING ARE) and gives you an ending so satisfactory that it's like getting fingered by God.
It'd be like Triple H coming to Rick Santorum's house with a sledgehammer and saying "I'm having your misery for dinner" and they'd broadcast that shit live on TV. Sponsored by boners!
My roommate/bestie Amy Kennedy said she never wanted to go down on a book before, but now she's a believer!
But then again, Amy once called cotton candy "edible asbestos", so there's that.
This book is tits. I got so emotionally invested in it that it almost ruined me. It's kinda like when I started watching Luke and Noah videos on YouTube. Hello hot gay dudes all up in each other's faces! You watch it and you think "If these two don't inevitably hook up I will go to the Chinese store in the mall and buy one of those display swords and end up on the news tonight" but they do but they don't show anything so you're all in the mood for gay hotness so you Google Brent Corrigan for like, 4 hours.
Anyway.
If they make Kamikaze Boys into a movie it should definitely have some Dead Kennedys on the soundtrack and Black Flag (the Rollins version). They're making a movie of Something Like Summer, which made me so happy when I heard it that I freaked out and punched some guy on the bus.
*"Rainbows and Rimjobs" might make for a good title for the upcoming Something Like Summer sequel. Or a short story collection. I don't know, this iced coffee is really fucking good and it's getting hard to type. Shakey McShakes all up in here.