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Splitopia: Dispatches from Today's Good Divorce and How to Part Well
Engaging and groundbreaking, Splitopia challenges outdated, negative assumptions about divorce with sharp wit, searing honesty, rigorous research, and intimate interviews, and offers guidance for healthier, happier splits.
When Wendy Paris announced that she and her husband were separating, friends forecast a tsunami of devastation—for both of them and their child. But as Paris would discover, divorce has improved dramatically in recent decades, due to changes in laws and family structures, advances in psychology and child development, and a new understanding of the importance of the father. Yet disapprobation and fear persist.
In this incisive book, Paris cuts through the moralizing and myopia, and explores the new cultural phenomenon of the “good” divorce. Splitopia chronicles Paris’s own divorce in real time; shares insights from happily divorced couples, international experts, and the latest research; and follows her own divorced parents’ possible reunion. Splitopia calls for a more flexible view of how we wed and how we part, and offers support for creating loving families, whatever the legal relationship status.
Divorce is no one’s first choice, but as with other difficult, unwanted experiences, it can lead to growth, deeper connections, and a more fulfilled life.
When Wendy Paris announced that she and her husband were separating, friends forecast a tsunami of devastation—for both of them and their child. But as Paris would discover, divorce has improved dramatically in recent decades, due to changes in laws and family structures, advances in psychology and child development, and a new understanding of the importance of the father. Yet disapprobation and fear persist.
In this incisive book, Paris cuts through the moralizing and myopia, and explores the new cultural phenomenon of the “good” divorce. Splitopia chronicles Paris’s own divorce in real time; shares insights from happily divorced couples, international experts, and the latest research; and follows her own divorced parents’ possible reunion. Splitopia calls for a more flexible view of how we wed and how we part, and offers support for creating loving families, whatever the legal relationship status.
Divorce is no one’s first choice, but as with other difficult, unwanted experiences, it can lead to growth, deeper connections, and a more fulfilled life.
- GenresNonfiction
Hardcover
First published March 15, 2016
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
May 16, 2016
Author Profile: Wendy Paris & Splitopia
When there’s a 50/50 chance of getting divorced once in your lifetime, nothing makes more sense than to be prepared in case of a such a rude awakening. In fact, 40% of kids are born into non-married families. Instead of looking at divorce as a tragedy, Wendy Paris wrote a guidebook of how to have a good divorce. Splitopia is a memoir guidebook of Wendy’s experience of having as "perfect" of divorce as a "perfect wedding."
Chapter one begins with the statement, “Many people assume divorce destroys relationships, but some former spouses get along better after they part. Fears of being single, miserable, and broke tend to be overblown. My husband and I set off on a quest to separate, together.” This is the overall objective of Splitopia.
After divorcing her husband, Wendy sought out to write a model guide for people who want to stay in good partnership with their ex. In a recent talk at The New School, Wendy Paris expressed, “No one goes into marriage wanting to get divorced. People always look at the negative, but I wanted to look at the positive side.” Paris has a MFA in creative writing from Columbia University and is a freelance journalist having had clips in The New York Times and Psychology Today.
Guidebook form writing is her forte with two books prior to Splitopia: Happily Ever After: The Fairy Tale Formula for Lasting Love, a dating guide full of humor and Words for the Wedding: 1000 Quotes on Love and Marriage, a wedding-planner guide. Now with Splitopia, Wendy has written about every phase in a relationship and doesn’t plan to stop. She’s mentioned the idea of writing another book about co-parenting after she settles into life post-marriage. Her son is eight years old and they live in Los Angeles. Her and her ex-husband still live close to each other and get along better as exes now than they did when they were married. “It’s hard for people to understand how you can love someone and then hate them, but not love them then like them in small doses,” Paris says.
There is an audience for this kind of book, but there’s nothing quite like Splitopia. Wendy has a background in psychology having written several articles for Psychology Today and wanted to write a scientific, but relatable book on divorce. Her divorce gave her clarity and she seeks to help others going through this kind of event in their lives. “Having space and getting clearer on what you want and what you want to give,” Wendy says. “I seek for me and my ex-husband to be model people with a good divorce.” Splitopia is a fast and intriguing read and definitely puts a different perspective on parting ways with a partner.
When there’s a 50/50 chance of getting divorced once in your lifetime, nothing makes more sense than to be prepared in case of a such a rude awakening. In fact, 40% of kids are born into non-married families. Instead of looking at divorce as a tragedy, Wendy Paris wrote a guidebook of how to have a good divorce. Splitopia is a memoir guidebook of Wendy’s experience of having as "perfect" of divorce as a "perfect wedding."
Chapter one begins with the statement, “Many people assume divorce destroys relationships, but some former spouses get along better after they part. Fears of being single, miserable, and broke tend to be overblown. My husband and I set off on a quest to separate, together.” This is the overall objective of Splitopia.
After divorcing her husband, Wendy sought out to write a model guide for people who want to stay in good partnership with their ex. In a recent talk at The New School, Wendy Paris expressed, “No one goes into marriage wanting to get divorced. People always look at the negative, but I wanted to look at the positive side.” Paris has a MFA in creative writing from Columbia University and is a freelance journalist having had clips in The New York Times and Psychology Today.
Guidebook form writing is her forte with two books prior to Splitopia: Happily Ever After: The Fairy Tale Formula for Lasting Love, a dating guide full of humor and Words for the Wedding: 1000 Quotes on Love and Marriage, a wedding-planner guide. Now with Splitopia, Wendy has written about every phase in a relationship and doesn’t plan to stop. She’s mentioned the idea of writing another book about co-parenting after she settles into life post-marriage. Her son is eight years old and they live in Los Angeles. Her and her ex-husband still live close to each other and get along better as exes now than they did when they were married. “It’s hard for people to understand how you can love someone and then hate them, but not love them then like them in small doses,” Paris says.
There is an audience for this kind of book, but there’s nothing quite like Splitopia. Wendy has a background in psychology having written several articles for Psychology Today and wanted to write a scientific, but relatable book on divorce. Her divorce gave her clarity and she seeks to help others going through this kind of event in their lives. “Having space and getting clearer on what you want and what you want to give,” Wendy says. “I seek for me and my ex-husband to be model people with a good divorce.” Splitopia is a fast and intriguing read and definitely puts a different perspective on parting ways with a partner.
June 13, 2020
I read this book after finding a lot of comfort and guidance in her essay along the same lines published in the NYTimes.
A lot of the book deals with divorces involving children and family court, but not all of it. For me, a childless person, some of those chapters were irrelevant to my life but still societally and legally interesting. Other chapters in the book were extremely helpful and thought-provoking for anyone seeking to be better in their romantic, post-romantic, and family relationships.
A lot of the book deals with divorces involving children and family court, but not all of it. For me, a childless person, some of those chapters were irrelevant to my life but still societally and legally interesting. Other chapters in the book were extremely helpful and thought-provoking for anyone seeking to be better in their romantic, post-romantic, and family relationships.
June 24, 2017
Sometimes Marriage isn't Forever...
Informative read for anyone considering divorce, separated, or newly divorced.
Informative read for anyone considering divorce, separated, or newly divorced.
November 16, 2018
Excellent advice
May 16, 2016
Author Wendy Paris found herself in a marriage which felt unfulfilling. However she still respected her husband and wanted to keep him in her life, and more importantly, in her eight year old son’s life as well. She wondered if there was such thing as a happy divorce. Through speaking with peers, psychologists, and her own experiences on this topic, Paris crafted this book as both a therapeutical guide for those who have experienced a divorce, either in their own or a loved one’s life. What was previously perceived in history as a failure in a relationship (and in vintage years - a failure in life), is now becoming a normal occurrence. This book is a game-changer for all of the people who ever felt stuck in a marriage, but had their family in mind or didn’t want to completely cut ties with their spouses. Paris’ has stated that overall summation of her philosophy is “to not take your spouse’s personality personally”. She encourages divorced families to take joint vacations and to still be involved in each other’s lives. This method somewhat follows the 1950’s style marriage counselor advice of working through the problem together to keep the marriage intact, except with Paris’ spin the marriage staying a solid relationship is not the primary objective, as it was then. It is a book that is in sync with today’s modern relationships, thus making it the perfect model for the modern divorce.
December 31, 2016
Wendy Paris and her husband split, and made a point to keep their separation and divorce amicable. She chronicles this process and includes different ways to help adapt (communicating with each other, adapting to single life, managing loneliness, perspective) and to make the process go smoothly.
Because we live in a culture where we are taught that divorce is one of the greatest evils and must always be contentious and riddled with bitterness and conflict, we don't learn that there may be a better way. One where you don't drag each other through unnecessary hell in addition to grieving your relationship, and one that allows for the potential of a new, different relationship to form in its place.
I think the one thing that jumped out at me, was "It only takes one person to make a good divorce." I liked her advice on handling loneliness and isolation.
Overall it was a good read and I think one worth considering when looking at other books on this subject.
April 11, 2016
A great help in gaining a more updated perspective!
This book really helped me gain a more modern and confident perspective on separation and divorce. I enjoyed that it was informative yet read like a novel! I gave it 4 stars instead of 5 because I don't think everyone would glean what I did from it. My husband, and perhaps many men, would not likely have the same take aways. It is written from this woman's perspective and experience, so I see it as most beneficial to other women facing divorce.
This book really helped me gain a more modern and confident perspective on separation and divorce. I enjoyed that it was informative yet read like a novel! I gave it 4 stars instead of 5 because I don't think everyone would glean what I did from it. My husband, and perhaps many men, would not likely have the same take aways. It is written from this woman's perspective and experience, so I see it as most beneficial to other women facing divorce.
March 4, 2016
I was very happy to read an advance copy of this book. Very relatable and uplifting, with Wendy's own story interspersed with expert analysis. It has a lot of good information about relationships, whether divorced or married. I plan to send a copy to a friend facing a divorce.
Practical advice on moving and (re)setting up a home, and interesting anecdotes from many perspectives.
Practical advice on moving and (re)setting up a home, and interesting anecdotes from many perspectives.
July 9, 2016
I'm calling this a must-read for anyone early in separation or divorce. Tons of good information and anecdotes on how to split well with plenty of "phew--it's not just me" moments. Edited to add: Not everything in here will work for all people and there will always be hard. But this book helps.
April 6, 2016
This book does not cover remarriages or stepfamilies.
September 15, 2016
Positive and practical - recommend to people thinking of, in process or post divorce.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews