Full-Time Parenting: A Guide to Family-Based Discipleship

by Israel Wayne

A typical working parent spends just 19 minutes a day looking after their children. In contrast, many children spend about 6 hours per day in school, plus over 7.5 hours per day in media consumption. Add to that the time children spend with their friends or on extra-curricular activities, and it is clear that most American children are not truly being raised by their own parents.Consequently, studies indicate that as many as 65-88% of all Christian youth leave the faith around their freshman year of college (or before) and never return).Increasingly, many parents are determining to take back the raising of their own children. They are not content to be a part-time babysitter for their child. They want to be Full-time Parents. Learn how to take the steps towards becoming a Full-time Parent, or learn how to be a better one."Israel is committed to serving others with integrity and diligence. He trulycares about the families he serves." Tracy Klicka (Author, Christian Leader, Mother of Seven)

Genres: Parenting, Christian Living, Family, Education, Christian

158 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2012

About the author

Israel Wayne is an author and conference speaker who has a passion for defending the Christian faith and promoting a Biblical worldview. He is the author of the books "Questions God Asks," "Questions Jesus Asks," "Pitchin' A Fit! Overcoming Angry & Stressed-Out Parenting," "Education: Does God Have an Opinion?," "Answers for Homeschooling: Top 25 Questions Critics Asks," "Raising Them Up - Parenting for Christians," and "Foundations in Faith."

Israel has been a regular columnist for The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, Home School Digest, Home School Enrichment and Brush Arbor Quarterly magazines. He is also the site editor for ChristianWorldview.net.

Since 1995, Israel has traveled the nation speaking on family, homeschooling, revival, discipleship, and cultural issues.

He is frequent guest on national radio and television programs. Israel's family began home educating in 1978 and has been featured in national and international publications including TIME Magazine, WORLD Magazine, Answers, Revive, HSLDA Court Report, The Arizona Republic, The New American and the Wall Street Journal. Israel has been featured as the keynote speaker at various conferences, with over 5,000 in attendance.

Israel and his wife Brook were joined in marriage without dating and share their testimony of God's faithfulness on an audiobook titled, "What God Has Joined Together." Israel and Brook, both homeschool graduates themselves, are homeschooling parents of eleven children.

Israel desires to see God's people learn to think and live Biblically.

Aiming for both the head and the heart, Israel's goal is to challenge audiences to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. In his words, "God's Word applies to all areas of life. There is not one facet of our existence which does not fall under the direct claim of Lordship by Jesus Christ. This includes how we spend our money, what entertainment we consume, how we educate our children, how we use our time, etc. All of life must be understood from within a Biblical worldview."

Reviews

[Steve Blackston · Rating 5 out of 5]

After lis­ten­ing to Israel Wayne at the Spar­tan­burg Teach Them Dili­gently Home­school­ing Con­fer­ence this year, I was com­pelled to read his book “Full-Time Par­ent­ing : A Guide To Family-Based Dis­ci­ple­ship”. Israel is the prod­uct of a divorced par­ents, phys­i­cally abused by step-father and with a mom that was not a believer in Christ. Yet through all of this he shows how God’s Grace can change everything.

We can­not care for these chil­dren, born of our flesh, with the strength of our flesh. We must learn to par­ent through the empow­er­ment and wis­dom of God’s spirit (pg. 32)

Using prac­ti­cal advice straight from the Bible, Israel encour­ages “hands-on & first-person” con­sis­tency in par­ent­ing, espe­cially with mul­ti­ple chil­dren in the fam­ily. He reminds us that all areas of life have a direct impact on the future gen­er­a­tions to come. He also cov­ers the use of tech­nol­ogy and the prin­ci­ple of “amus­ing our­selves to death” in the process of “learn­ing”.
From dis­cussing sin­gle incomes, start­ing busi­nesses or the deci­sion to home­school or chris­t­ian school, Israel brings the Bible into each topic and relates it in a down to earth way.

Have you set out to win in the race of rais­ing Godly chil­dren? Then don’t let the cul­ture of the love of afflu­ence entan­gle you. “Where­fore see­ing we also are com­passed about with so great a cloud of wit­ness, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so eas­ily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us” (Hebrews 12:1, KJV) (pg. 112)

Within the chap­ter of “Keep­ing Your Mar­riage Strong”, Israel and his wife Brook worked together on dis­cussing the top­ics of con­flict, com­mu­ni­ca­tions and close­ness. From yelling, to manip­u­la­tion these two bring many com­mon issues in mar­riage to light and show a way to work them out. This chap­ter is a back and forth for the hus­band and wife to read together if pos­si­ble as it brings Godly wis­dom and com­mon sense together to remind us that we are work­ing together.

You only need to remem­ber ONE sim­ple but impor­tant point and put it into prac­tice, and you will have a won­der­ful bliss­ful mar­riage: From the moment you are mar­ried, to the moment you die, nei­ther of you can … (pg. 84)

Full-Time Par­ent­ing, A Family-Based Dis­ci­ple­ship is a great book to show the dis­trac­tions and cures for par­ent­ing in todays cul­ture. For my hus­bands of home­school­ing mom’s out there, I would highly sug­gest this book be added to your tool bag. Israel did an out­stand­ing job of cov­er­ing par­ent­ing from the point of birth to the inevitable “Pass­ing the Baton” into adulthood.

Chil­dren need their fathers. Chil­dren have legit­i­mate needs that they are unable to meet by them­selves. There becomes a com­pe­ti­tion between the per­ceived needs of the father and the press­ing needs of the child or chil­dren. Some­one will have to be denied. It is a rare father who will deny him­self to care for the needs of the chil­dren entrusted to him. (pg. 33)

[Adriane Devries · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a homeschool graduate with twenty years of experience, first as student and now as teacher, Israel Wayne provides yet another helpful guide to parents who wish to pass on a Christian faith heritage to their children. With practical advice based on Biblical precepts, he encourages consistency in parenting, especially as more children come along, with periodic review so that the next wave hears the same truths, perhaps for the first time. He reminds parents and children alike that our purpose should be (in his paraphrase):
“I exist to know, love, and serve God, and in doing that I am equipped to love and serve other people.” (Deut. 10:12-13)
In chapters entitled, Christian Education Manifesto and Christian Schools Vs. Homeschooling, he uses dozens of supporting Scriptural references regarding child-rearing and training, with that very purpose in mind. In other chapters he shows the breakdown of the family culture through a broad synopsis of the history of education and other milestones leading to the rise of pop culture as surrogate parent; and further urges that even if a school is “Christian,” herd mentality cannot logically be countered in student to teacher ratios of over 20:1. Parenting, thus, is synonymous with teaching, as only a full-time parent can be aware of a child's trending habits that threaten to become permanent facets of character.
He reminds us that all areas of life have impact on generations to come, including technology and the dangers of “amusing ourselves to death” under the guise of information, and the importance of relating to humans versus amoral machines; the discipline of rest, not only for our bodies, but perhaps even more for our harried minds, claiming every inch of our thoughts and time for Christ; the surprising benefits of hospitality in raising children’s awareness of culture, the art of conversation, as well as affordable entertainment and travel.
Though filled with much to think on, one comforting truth rings through these pages, that those who love the Lord have one simple purpose to live and to pass down to their children, and it “’Tis a gift to be simple, ‘tis a gift to be free.’”

[Havebooks Willread · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really appreciated reading this reminder of my PURPOSE in raising my children. Wayne is a homeschool graduate and now a homeschooling father, so his focus is heavily on homeschooling with a tone of persuading the reader this is the best choice and citing Scriptures in support of his views.

"Our main goal is discipleship, so we should be more concerned with relationships and winning the hearts of our children than we are with teaching academic concepts" (81).
"Homeschooling is about discipleship. It is about God changing the hearts of the parents and children to conform us all into the image of Christ. There aren't any shortcuts to reaching that end" (135).

I found this an encouraging and thought-provoking read. I didn't always agree with everything he said, and his visionary/black and white/prophet tone sometimes lifted my eyebrows, but overall, I took away several little nuggets and just an overall encouragement to "keep on keepin' on". I was inspired to be more intentional and humbly rely more on God's grace instead of my own pitiful strength.

I was particularly intrigued by this quote: "But what is the new American culture? It is no longer the 'folk culture' of each of these unique (immigrant) groups; it is instead an emerging consumer culture of entertainment and merchandising; in other words, a popular culture. . .Folk culture was all about accountability, community, resourcefulness, and creativity. Pop culture is all about liberation, autonomy, spending aimlessly, and consumerism" (64).

Other nuggets I want to keep since I need to return the book:
"Institutional classroom learning is, by nature, the best context for teaching the masses a particular doctrine. When parents teach their own children, it is more difficult to have uniformity and standardization among the masses in terms of ideas and worldview. For this reason the State, and in many cases, churches, chose this methodology. They want all the children within their reach to believe and live the same way" (130).

I'm glad he also reminded us to nurture our marriages:
"True romance is not so much holding one another's hands and looking into each other's eyes, but rather holding hands and walking in the same direction" (93). "However tired you may be with the cares of raising little ones, respect, borne of a genuine interest in your husband, is the primary ingredient for developing intimacy in your marriage" (98).

And my verse/song I plan to begin our "morning time" with this upcoming Fall:
"Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD, Psalm 34:11."

[Vaughn Ohlman · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was recently sent a review copy of Israel Wayne's book 'Full Time Parenting'. I told him it was foolish to let me review his book, but he insisted :)
The book is obviously of interest to us here on True Love Doesn't Wait, since we are so wrapped up in the various aspects of family life, including parenting. We do hold that all couples should be open to having children, but that doesn't mean we don't also believe they should raise those children in Godliness. So a book on that is, obviously, very relevant.
Let me start my review by saying that I think the overwhelming majority of modern parents will have their parenting improve several fold if they were to read and follow the guidance in this book. When I say I am disappointed in it I am saying nothing against that. Most of the criticisms I level are of the form, "... but it would have been better if..."
This made a lot of sense to me
god-s-promises-to-abramProverbs 2:1-6 My son, if thou wilt receive my words, and hide my commandments with thee;
So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart to understanding;
Yea, if thou criest after knowledge, and liftest up thy voice for understanding;
If thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as for hid treasures;
Then shalt thou understand the fear of the LORD, and find the knowledge of God.
For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.
One of the problems when a lifelong Christian starts speaking is that they take their Christian upbringing for granted. Thus they will say things like, "This makes a lot of sense to me". (Proper Nutrition) This is a problem not because what they say isn't true, or doesn't make sense to me, but because it is a weak reed to rely on. The reader will read this book and then another book with a completly opposite message, and find both of them talking about what 'makes a lot of sense' to the author.
Missing in Action
But a Christian should bring a lot more to the table than any mere author. The Christian should bring not just his wisdom to the table, but the wisdom of God. And I believe that Mr. Wayne does... but he does not do so overtly. Many of his ideas, passages, and chapters are derived from the wisdom of God, but he does not make that clear. He does not do the necessary linking and even exegesis to show his readers how he is speaking, or at least explaining, God's words not his own.
Easing in
ships-in-the-stormy-sea-1866.jpg!xlMediumDeuteronomy 6:4-9 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD:
And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:
And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.
And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes.
And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.
Mr. Wayne suggests that families 'ease in' to the idea of, say, daily family worship. I cannot agree, either practically or Scripturally. First of all, it is never right to do the wrong thing. So if daily worship is a Biblical concept (and it is) then failing to do it is wrong, and no 'easing in' is proper.
But secondly, and this is what we see in Scripture even in such stories as Nineveh, true repentance and change is truly done when it is done truly. The father who has failed to insitutute daily family worship will be better off spending the first couple of sessions, full long sessions, fully explaining what he has done wrong and what they will be doing in the future than just kind of quietly 'easing in' his family to longer and longer unexplained times.
Like Nineveh there are times when we need to sit around in sackcloth and ashes. All of us.
Finding a Virtous Wife
maid-with-garland-1843.jpg!xlMediumProverbs 31:10-12 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
A particular nitpick of mine, which leapt out at me because I write on this subject: Mr. Wayne says that Proverbs 31 is about a 'Mother teaching her son how to find a virtuos wife'. This is false on several levels.
It is a mother, that is true. But there is nothing about 'how to find'. In fact the text specifically denies this. It literally says 'who can find?'. It literally denies that such a wife is 'findable'. And we read elsewhere in Proverbs why: it is only God who can provide such a wife.
And there is nothing to indicate that the mother is telling the son to do the finding! There is nothing to indicate any 'who' in the finding.
What the text is about is what that wife will end up looking like after years of marriage. What the 'end result' of marriage to a virtous wife will be.
Why children leave the faith
the-prodigal-son-in-modern-life-the-departure-1880Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
One chapter in this book seems literally contradictory. In the chapter on why children leave the faith Mr. Wayne speaks of families who 'seemed to do everything right'. He then proceeds through the chapter and lists things that they did wrong. If they visibly did these things wrong, and their children left as a result, then they don't seem to be the families he promised to talk about. But if they did these things wrong, and he didn't see it, then how does he know these things happened and were the cause of the loss of these children?
Successful handoff into adulthood
on-his-holidays-norway-1901.jpg!xlMediumJeremiah 35:18-19 And Jeremiah said unto the house of the Rechabites, Thus saith the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel; Because ye have obeyed the commandment of Jonadab your father, and kept all his precepts, and done according unto all that he hath commanded you: Therefore thus saith the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel; Jonadab the son of Rechab shall not want a man to stand before me for ever.
Here is one area where I believe Mr. Wayne departs dramatically from what Scriture teaches. The 'baton' anology is simply not at all Scripural, the 'pass off' is simply not what Scripture teaches. There is no such thing, in Scripture, as an 'adulthood' where the 'baton has been passed'. There is, instead, a vision of multi-generational patriarchy: of arrows that, even as they leave the quiver and the bow, take aim on the enemies of the father, and do his will. Of sons, sent out into the world so that they can bring that world under the authority of their father.
The missing chapter
the-new-suitor.jpg!BlogJeremiah 29:6 Take ye wives, and beget sons and daughters; and take wives for your sons, and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters; that ye may be increased there, and not diminished.
This book is dramatically missing a chapter. The chapter on finding your son a wife, of giving your daughter to a husband, of seeing your children's children, the crown of your old age. And of teaching that.
Readers of our site should find plenty to read about that here, though.
The final chapter
pregnantRomans 6:1-2 What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?
God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?
The final chapter in this book is almost excellent. Indeed I think everything that is needed is there, I just miss the tying together.
The final chapter is all about 'Grace'. Of how, even when everything is done wrong, God is still capable of bring blessing. And that is very, very true. But it is only half the truth.
We need to remember Paul's curse on those who would sin 'that grace might abound'. That we are called to obedience, even when saved by grace. It think that ties together both of this threads, and indeed his whole book.
We as father's are called to do most (albeit not all) of the things in Mr. Wayne's excellent book. And, indeed, we are called to more. And God promises blessings on those who raise their children 'in the nuture and admonition of the Lord', which includes so much of what Mr. Wayne teaches in this book.
And God speaks of His Grace, which can take even those lost in sin, dead in trespasses, having been raised to serve the evil in the world... and save them. And bring them out from darkness into light.
Conclusion
224_0012 Timothy 2:15 Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
I end where I started: this is a good book. It is not the great book I think Mr. Wayne capable of, but it is a good book. A good book with some flaws. I would encourage the father who buys this book to read it with Bible and notebook in hand. (If you don't have three hands, feel free to use a table.) And then, as he reads each line, to ask himself how that accords with Scripture? What Scripture adds to or subtracts from what was said. What examples Scripture gives of this... or what counter examples?
But I do recommend the book.

[Amber · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book wasn’t what I hoped it would be. Since it claims to be a guide to family-based discipleship, I was expecting something a little more developed -- in depth, specific, well-organized -- which I could come away from with a clear picture of his strategy for how to disciple children. Instead, its chapters seem like stand-alone articles, which fit loosely under the umbrella of discipleship but haven't been smoothly drawn together into a cohesive unit. While it was good for me to review some of the thoughts and get his perspective on some of the topics (and he has some good quotes), I didn’t come away with much new insight to help me in discipling my children. To be fair, I’ve done quite a bit of reading of parenting materials, so if it had been my first time through some of what he says (many other people say similar things), I might have been more impressed. The way a book strikes us always depends partly on where we are. I’m coming at it from a “seasoned” mom’s perspective, and I think I wasn’t quite in his target audience. I took a little time after reading before reviewing it, which helped me view it more objectively. It does have good, meaningful content. It’s just that it didn’t meet my (exorbitantly high?) hopes.

It was still good for me to read this. Wayne’s perspective is a little different from a lot of people in the conservative religious world. His parents divorced when he was six, after which he had an abusive stepfather for nine years, during which time his mother, Skeet Savage (who I’d heard of but know little about other than what I read here – she contributed a chapter on home educating as a single parent, which was interesting as I hadn’t read much about that before), learned about Jesus and changed her life dramatically. His stepfather ended up leaving them and she was on her own to rear six children. To complicate matters, she had come to the conviction that she needed to educate them herself. It was nice to get the perspective of these people who have been through such hardship and come out on the other side believers in the grace of God.

Israel Wayne shares the conviction that homeschooling is a mandate for Christians. The book contains a chapter which he calls a “manifesto” that lists many scriptures he considers relevant to the topic. Some are a stretch. Many are definitely worth consideration. I’m still not convinced that all Christians must home educate, but I do think it would be worth any Christian parent’s time to look through these scriptures and consider prayerfully what they mean for them and their children and the educational choices they make for them. Especially good is considering the passages the Bible contains concerning friendship/companionship – it has quite a bit to say about this. What kind of friends/companions do our children have? Who are they with on that school bus? What kind of things are they exposed to on the playground? These are not trivial questions. There is much that is gravely concerning about what recent generations are being exposed to in their school environments, which is pervasive, often subtle, and undermines everything we want for them as Christian parents. This is not a decision to be made lightly. Our children’s souls are at stake.

I appreciate how Wayne calls fathers out to be the leaders in their homes, not just in general and/or as a figurehead, but really being involved in the process of training the children. He points out that the scriptures on this issue are directed at fathers. He believes men need to take that more seriously and find a way to get more involved and take the responsibility in this area, even though most must be away from home a good amount of the time due to their jobs. He also mentions trying to look for ways to reduce time away from the family while still providing for it. I appreciated his mention of a chart he worked out to help him keep tabs on how well his children were obeying his wife while he was away during the day. He says it alleviated a lot of strain on his wife when he became more actively involved in this process.

There is also a chapter that mentions Deuteronomy 31 where it talks about the law being read every 7 years to the assembly of the people. He talks about how often parents do well starting out with their children but then slack off on the younger ones. This might be compounded for those with several children. He reflects on how every 7 years a young person is at a completely different phase in life, and could definitely stand a review even if we think they’ve got things down. He doesn’t discuss a lot about it in this brief chapter but it was enough to provoke thought and it was good for me.

Some quotes I liked:

“I exist to know, love, and serve God, and in doing that I am equipped to love and serve other people” (23).

“In what ways are you being intentional about staying connected with your [child]?” (26)

“Spending lots of time with your child is the pressure cooker which boils carnality to the surface where it is visible and can be dealt with. Expect it. Plan on experiencing failures” (56).

“Women’s Liberation mainly ‘freed’ women from their children and made them slaves to their jobs…. family life was sacrificed on the altar of economic pursuits” (63).

“Any good form of technology will enhance and improve what God has called us to do with our lives” (69).

“Being entertained is not something that many American teenagers ‘do’ so much as who they ‘are’” (70).

“I believe that the enemy of our souls desires for us to be so busy that we have no time to be quiet and still before our Lord” (71-2).

“Reputation is what other people believe about you. Character is what God knows about you” (100).

“Education is best understood as the equipping of each successive generation to train the next” (124).

“…always think in terms of pulling together rather than drawing apart” (138).

“Very few parents understand the awesome power of their words…. We tell [our children] who they are…. speak words of truth and healing into your child’s life” (145).

“Children know what their parents value…. Even if we are home every day, our hearts can be far from our children. We can be busy chatting with friends online, reading a book, or simply caught up in our own plans or routine. ‘But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever’ (1 Timothy 5:8, NKJV). Yes, we need to provide for the physical needs of our family, but much more we must provide for their spiritual needs” (147). (Interesting application of this verse, I thought.)

“I don’t expect my children to think and live exactly like me. I expect them to think and live like Jesus” (153).

[Christabelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mixed feelings on this one. My biggest take-away was that we need to be present with our kids and not just physically present. Sometimes this means making sacrifices and almost always means being intentional in our children's lives. This things have followed me since I read it and caused me to ponder.

[Kristen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good. A little dry at times, to read... Mr. Israel is a fantastic speaker, though, and very relatable.