Etiquette: The Blue Book of Social Usage

by Emily Post

Etiquette -by Emily Post - Illustrated From the PREFACE: -People who ridicule etiquette as a mass of trivial and arbitrary conventions, "extremely troublesome to those who practise them and insupportable to everybody else," seem to forget the long, slow progress of social intercourse in the upward climb of man from the primeval state. Conventions were established from the first to regulate the rights of the individual and the tribe. They were and are the rules of the game of life and must be followed if we would "play the game."  - It was a long, long time before the habit of eating in common was acquired; and it is obvious that the practise could not have been taken up with safety until the individuals of the race knew enough about one another and about the food resources to be sure that there was food sufficient for all. When eating in common became the vogue, table manners made their appearance and they have been waging an uphill struggle ever since."

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Genres: Nonfiction, Reference, Self Help, Classics, Education, Business, How To

917 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1922

About the author

American etiquette authority Emily Price Post wrote Etiquette (1922) and a popular syndicated newspaper column.

This United States author considered and promoted "proper etiquette." She wrote books, surrounding the topic of etiquette.

Her family continued the etiquette-genre books:
Elizabeth L. Post, granddaughter-in-law
Peggy Post wife of Emily's great-grandson, Allen Post
Peter Post, great-grandson
Cindy Post Senning, great-granddaughter and a director of The Emily Post Institute
Anna Post, great-great-granddaughter
Lizzie Post, great-great-granddaughter

Reviews

[Evan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not being ironic when I write that Post is an ethical philosopher of the American type, with Santayana and James. British and French etiquette books, and many American ones, are about preserving class structure or social climbing (how to mask one's Inferior birth). But Post's dicta are all based on one pragmatic goal: keep your feet off the other guy's toes, or, don't take up more space than's yours.


It's the basis of the sweetest, most generous treatment of the other: don't open your car doors and kick the jams in the middle of the night, because you're taking up your neighbors' space; when introducing people, it's a good idea to say something about each person so that they have something to work with and they're not left nodding uncomfortably to each other; etc. You get the idea: these aren't Rules for Behavior; they're a mode of living where you try to take just a tiny bit of care to the other guy.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read the Kindle version of the first edition, published in 1922.

Imagine, it's 1922 in NYC and surrounding areas (the author's typical focus, she advises people in other areas to follow local customs). This is your social life: you have a list of people who are your friends or acquaintances. One day a week, you go to these peoples' houses and leave a card with your name on it, except that you can't go two weeks in a row because they have to leave a card at your house before you can go back to theirs. Sometimes you may actually visit with them, sometimes you just leave the card with the butler. And the list has subsets: you'd invite everyone on it to a ball, but you have a separate list for those you'd invite to a dinner party, and another for those you'd invite to a supper party, and yes, those are different events. Different dress, different food, different service, different etiquette. But you wouldn't invite someone to a dinner or supper party who was not part of your main list. Don't even get me started on your country house. And you have to manage all these lists without Excel! (But you can hire a personal secretary on a part-time basis).

This book covers all that, plus weddings, mourning, business, traveling, social clubs, meeting royalty, and more. It's a truly fascinating look at high society in NYC in the 20s, and I can't get enough of it. Even though I'd probably have been unable to remember all the different scenarios and what to do in each.

Post uses fake names of socialites throughout to illustrate different concepts, but I suspect they are based on real socialites and I sure would like to figure out who was who. Especially which family owned the country house with bowling alley, ballroom, and indoor pool!

There is a section on teaching children manners that should be read and implemented by many parents today. In the 20s, apparently the kids DIDN'T rule the house. Huh.

I highlighted a lot of amusing or interesting passages on my Kindle, I will have to come back and add some of them in.

[Jenny · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am kind of obsessed with etiquette. This book is a bible of propriety. It seriously addresses EVERYTHING you could possibly wonder about. Along with the basics, like when to write a thank-you note, which fork to use, how to act at various religious ceremonies, what to wear to a semi-formal wedding in November (for example), at what age children should be saying "please" and "thank you," the "who pays?" date dilemma, how to handle a party guest who stays too long, and how much to tip for various services (hotel room-service, wine stewards, pool cleaners, etc.), this book has additional sections on modern society. Some of my favorites:

-Does the man or woman go first through a revolving door? (If it's already moving, the woman; if it's not, the man goes through first to get the heavy door going.)

-What DOES "business casual" actually mean? (Men and women: khakis or slacks, open-colllar shirt, etc.)

-How fast do you have to respond to e-mail? (One to two days for personal e-mails; within 24 hours for business)

-What's the rule on how much an engagement ring should cost? (Traditionally, two months of the groom's salary. More modern grooms should spend as much as they can afford without going too much into debt. And negotiating on the price with a jeweler is acceptable practice.)

Seriously, there's even a section about text-message etiquette. I love this book. And yes, I'm a dork. :)

[Joe Turk · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book for one reason....I wanted to know what rules I was breaking. I like to make my social mistakes on purpose.

[Nazanin Moshiri · Rating 4 out of 5]

 کتاب بسیار مفصل و جامعی ست درباره ی آداب معاشرت که به موضوعات و موقعیت های متنوعی می پردازد.

بخش اول : آداب روزانه
رهنمود هایی برای زندگی
آداب روزمره
آداب متداول
تصویر فردی
آداب سر میز

بخش دوم : آداب خارج از خانه
همسایه ها
در شهر
غذا خوردن در رستوران
سفر
ورزش
برنامه های تفریحی
کارهای داوطلبانه

بخش سوم : ارتباطات و فناوری
سخنگوی خوب
یادداشت ها
عناوین
آداب تلفن

بخش چهارم : زندگی اجتماعی
میزبان و مهمان
مهمانی که شب می ماند
دعوت نامه ها
پذیرایی
جشن های زندگی
مهمانی های رسمی
هدیه دادن و گرفتن

بخش پنجم : به دست آوردن کار
در جست و جوی کار
مصاحبه ی کاری

بخش ششم : در محیط کار
مسائل کاری
مشتریان
بعد اجتماعی کار

بخش هفتم : خانه و زندگی خانوادگی

بخش هشتم ازدواج 
 
و نهایتا راهنمای غذا ها و نوشیدنی ها

نکات بسیاری برای یاد گرفتن داشت ولی بعضی از آن ها از فرهنگ و سبک زندگی ما ایرانیان بسیاااار دور بود و طبیعتا کاربردی نخواهد داشت ولی خب دانستنشان خالی از لطف نیست.

[ALLEN · Rating 4 out of 5]

(Background): Emily Post was an American journalist whose seminal work ETIQUETTE IN SOCIETY, IN BUSINESS, IN POLITICS, AND AT HOME was first published in 1922. Flash-forward 95 years to EMILY POST'S ETIQUETTE, NINETEENTH EDITION. This newest book is a revision, not remaking, of the similar 18th and 17th editions from 2011 and 2004, respectively. Two of Emily's great-great-grandchildren (yes, two greats), Lizzie Post and Daniel Post Senning, are now listed as sole authors. That's an awful lot of lineage but then, ninety-five years is a long time.

On the whole I think the new Nineteenth is a useful book. Readers will find the same good sense as in predecessor editions with advice in how to converse with new acquaintances in both social and business settings (it forthrightly advocates a healthy dose of "small talk" in the beginning), and the whole huge field of behavior in and around weddings receives its due. Happily, an illustration in the book showed me, finally, how to fit my writing to the now-dominant “informal” type of folded card, should I wish to depart from the old “Monarch”-sized sheet that served me so well for so many years. What is notable is the larger field given to electronic social media like Facebook, what behaviors to emulate and which to avoid, and better yet, why. I was a bit surprised to see that the rules on when and when not to remove a hat required a full table, when it's pretty apparent that little has changed: women who wear fancy hats don't take them off except to avoid blocking someone's view or for their own comfort; women who wear the nearly ubiquitous visored "baseball" cap, just like men, take them off when indoors. (Granted, "indoors" in an era of domed stadiums and climatized shopping malls needs extra construction.)

This latest book is going to be very helpful to those who use it; however, like most such etiquette guides it is written from the perspective of its authors, therefore aimed mainly at young adults or married young adults with families. It is gentle and kind, and written with a smile, does not shy away from most hot-button topics yet contains remarkably little humor. I miss the old general-purpose guides like MISS MANNERS' GUIDE TO EXCRUCIATINGLY CORRECT BEHAVIOR (a book that so embodied humor even its title is a bit humorous) -- or, for that matter, the original 1922 Emily Post ETIQUETTE with its endearingly annoying types like "Mr. Gotrox" or "Mrs. Toplofty" who exemplify bad behavior whatever their intentions. Lately a kind of alt-field of etiquette books has emerged, the kind written for well-intentioned people who occasionally use the "F" word, so to speak -- those have LOTS of humor, much of it sardonic.

Sadly, hardly any of the literature I've consulted speaks directly to a concern of mine: When did it become rude to telephone neighbors and friends spontaneously at home, well before bedtime? My purpose is not to proclaim how old-fashioned or obstinate I may be, but simply to avoid causing pain -- always said to be a central concern of etiquette. Most people will probably be pleased with this big new book in the Post tradition, but to be on the safe side don't throw away any older guides regardless of lineage.

[Stacy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a must-have for every home. I coveted it for years until finally someone - my father - acknowledged my unhealthy obsession with etiquette was best abetted by adding to the bookshelf. The thumbed guide and index make this an effortless reference book.

Confession: Sometimes I come home from social gatherings and secretly chronicle what my friends have done that Emily Post would abhor with a silent head shake.

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is self-help so it only gets three stars. When I was a teenager on homeschool, my sister and I decided we would like to do an independent study class on proper etiquette for fun. This book was so interesting! I feel so much more cultured and educated now that I know the proper ways things are supposed to be done. And it's not something 'snooty' to know about - it's about truly loving and respecting other people. That's what etiquette is all about. It's shows real class. And you don't have to read the whole thing through - just refer to it occasionally if you're wondering about something or if you're just curious about a particular subject. It has everything in it! I almost felt while reading it like I was mad because no one had ever taught me any of those things before! So it's like before....I was just an ignorant hillbilly.:)

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE OWN THIS BOOK. BUY IT. READ IT. TAKE IT TO HEART.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

OF COURSE this is stuffy and out-of-date. If you're reading it now, you are literally reading it out of date! If you're looking for actual current advice on how to act right, you might want to check out the dozens of updated and specific versions put out by Emily's estate. But the original is a fascinating read.

If you think this is all about what fork to use and how humiliated you should feel if you do anything wrong, it doesn't take much reading of the actual text to see how wrong that impression is. Emily Post was nothing if not practical and empathetic. Sure, if you're looking for detail about how the rich actually ate and lived, this is a treasure trove - and there's lots about forks, since she was specifically asked to include all those details. But there are also a ton of caveats about making sure that everyone is always happy and comfortable, never shaming others for doing something "wrong". And all of it is written in a breezy, conversational tone, as if you're on the receiving end of a sparkling monologue over brunch.

[E Sweetman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ah, to be gently guided in behaving correctly. It's what separates us humans from the rest of the animals and that separation is, at times it would seem, quickly closing together. This is a wonderful book. It should be on everyone's bookshelf and referred to so often as to be dog-eared and falling apart.
I love this book. I love that it can give me patience and restraint when I want to misbehave, say the wrong thing and act like a buffoon in public. I love that it gives me great examples for my sons. If only the rest of society felt even slightly the same.

[Katherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a classic and a must for any young woman. I read it cover to cover when I was 21 as it was a gift from my grandmother. It is a pity that so many of these graces and little niceties are going by the wayside in the modern world. I think our youth today would greatly benefit from this book. Should be required reading!
(Note: I do not find the Peggy Post revised editions as good as the original Emily Post guides.)

[Ilona · Rating 3 out of 5]

Now I know the rules of the debutante's ball.
Yes. But why?

This is an insanely thorough book about all the situations that people encounter during their life. It's written as a guidebook you can use to double check what kind of gifts you should give at a baby shower. That is both impressive and repetitive.

Highly recommended for aliens trying to blend in and general AI that escaped the lab in a stolen robotic body and now seeks to experience simple suburban life.

[Cam M. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just one problem: what good is knowing the rules if no one else knows them (or even cares about them)?

[Kate Dominguez · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book reminded me very much of my Nana and Papa, they embodied "best society" through compassion, kindness, warm hosting, empathetic listening, and gracious manners. For my Nana, who grew up with a very difficult home life, this graciousness was self taught.

Etiquette, rather than a series of arbitrary rules, is, to Emily Post, being considerate of other people. If you want to be thoughtful in various situations and don't know where to start, Emily Post's book is practical, funny, and helpful.

She tells you to be thoughtful and then gives you specific actions to do so you don't have to think them up.

Eg. Make tea for the people coming back from the funeral and hand it to them, don't ask if they want it. They don't know what they want, but they'll drink it mechanically and it will help with how cold they feel.

I loved hearing about customs of the past that are uncommon or unheard of today, but even in those sections, you never could read more than a page without some timeless advice that is completely applicable to life today, 100 years later.

Even if I've never met anyone with a ladies' maid or valet, I can learn to be more kind, more considerate, more aware of others to smooth the rough road of life a small amount for those around me. Reading her advice was, for me, partly an exercise in humility, as I saw how self-centered I've always been, especially when held up against her vivid and often funny examples of characters who practice good etiquette and those who do not.

Reading Emily Post brought to mind a quote from the Whit Stillman movie, Metropolitan, "When you're an egoist, none of the harm you do is intentional." The converse might be, "When you have trained yourself in good etiquette, you do none of the harm of an egoist, and that's intentional."

[Jean · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really love this book. It's more of a resource than merely a book. It lives and breathes as society and norms evolve and morphs through time. I've been a loyal fan of the "Awesome Etiquette" podcast since it's inception so I HAD to secure my own copy of the newest (19th edition! ) of Emily Post's Etiquette book. The rules the authors live and teach resonate strongly with me: Consideration, Respect, & Honesty. Manners are for EVERYONE and if you are in doubt about how to respond to any situation, this is the resource for you to consult. Great job Lizzie Post & Daniel Post Senning on a book well done and for being the consummate models of properly behaving individuals!!

[Cheers1836 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best enjoyed in good company.

I read this aloud with friends over a period of cold winter nights. The disparity between expected public behavior to that of a century ago is laughable (or deplorable). Makes for great conversational fodder. I expect to pull this out again for a dinner club I'm starting.

Another great surprise - my copy has my grandmother's notes in the margins from when it was required reading in college in the 1940's.

[Melody · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found it amusing.

[Melissa Crady]

Well I feel more confident in my Interpersonal relations now. So basically, don't say what I'm actually thinking. Got it.

[Alexandria Blaelock · Rating 5 out of 5]

So dated as to almost be fiction - I don't know why Bertie Wooster hasn't switched genres and turned up in here. But a fascinating glimpse into the upper echelons of society in days gone by.

[Susan Sharp · Rating 5 out of 5]

I truly enjoyed reading this from a sort of ethnographic perspective. So much has changed since Emily Post first published this book in 1922 and I found this first edition fascinating.

[Justina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gave me a good overview of basic etiquette for events, which is particularly helpful during the current busy holiday season filled with many visiting guests. My favorite excerpt is from Chapter XXV:
"As soon as her guests appear in the doorway, the hostess at once rises goes forward smiling, shakes hands, and tells them how glad she is that they have safely come or how glad she is to see them, and leads the way to the tea-table. This is one of the occasions when everyone is always introduced. good manners also demand that the places nearest the hostess be vacated by those occupying them and that the newly arrived receive attention from the hostess, who sees that they are supplied with tea, sandwiches, cakes, and whatever the tea-table affords... A ready smile, a quick sympathy a happy outlook, consideration for others tenderness toward everything that is young or helpless, forgetfulness of self, which is not far from the deal of womankind."

Overall, about 85% of the book was not applicable to me (concerning matters of salutation, debutante, chaperones, christenings, country house rules), but from reading about it, I could still glean the main principles of formality from each chapter.

[Autumn Kearney · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an important book. Even people who are not diehard etiquette lovers need this book in their go to pile of reference books. Who wants to be awkward in a crowded situation? It’s helpful to look it up here ahead of time rather than look like an ignorant person.

I started off at first reading this cover to cover. I changed my mind and switched to looking up certain items instead. It’s most helpful.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well-written and incredibly detailed etiquette advice for virtually every situation. However, I am not quite sure how to use this book. For most people, I don't think reading it cover to cover would truly improve their manners, and people who commit minor etiquette offenses like using the wrong the utensils are probably unlikely to look up the correct method in this 700+ page volume.

[Maddy Quine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thorough, if outdated, knowledge. Good if you want to host a true-to-time 1920s dinner party, if you enjoy learning about etiquette, or if you simply wish to live by older etiquette standards.

[Karoliina Roots · Rating 5 out of 5]

This took me 7 months to work through but almost every line of it was wonderful. Very bizarre and in many cases, funny, to go back to the 1920s and see what real etiquette was back then.

[Paul Gaschen · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Far more important than any mere dictum of etiquette is the fundamental code of honor, without strict observance of which no man, no matter how 'polished,' can be considered a gentleman. The honor of a gentleman demands the inviolability of his word, and the incorruptibility of his principles; he is the descendant of the knight, the crusader; he is the defender of the defenseless, and the champion of justice - or he is not a gentleman."

"But those who think they appear superior by being rude to others whom fortune has placed below them, might as well, did they but know it, shout their own unexalted origin to the world at large, since by no other method could it be more widely published."

"Would you know the secret of popularity?
It is unconsciousness of self, enthusiastic interest in almost anything that turns up, and inward generosity of thought and impulse outwardly expressed in good manners."

[Erinne Bruce · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book that everyone must own. It helps to explain those social situations where you dont know what to do or what to say. It isn't all about what fork to use, rather, it explains what it means to be a polite and gracious person in your family, your circle of friends, your work and in society in general. Simple things that too often people forget, like making sure you greet everyone when you enter a gathering, or making sure that you the first thing out of your mouth when you get home is more akin to "how was your day" or "I missed you!" rather than "Dinner is on the table." It explains the proper responses to tricky things too, like who to invite to a wedding or how to graciously thank people. I find it refreshing and a great resource.

[Eugenia O · Rating 5 out of 5]

Etiquette should not be a foreign word! Pick this up, let's be more like ladies and gentlemen! There was a time that manners meant something, now the boys wear their clothes low to show off their boxers - do they know what that means in prison? Could somebody please tell these boys that if they were in prison, wearing their pants below their buttholes means they are available? It is easy access for Butch??....and for girls who wear their clothes too tight!

Take time to learn how to go to dinner and eat at the table with utencils! And that's just one lesson! Parents learn yourself while teaching your children!

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a fantastic resource that everyone will likely benefit from. As a person with a severe mobility disability, I particularly appreciated the special section devoted to etiquette and disability. The authors offer truly valuable advice about how people with disabilities like to be treated just as everyone else, and how able-bodied individuals can do so in a non-awkward manner. The resources section in the back of the book discussing how to eat various types of food was also useful, especially from the perspective of someone who enjoys trying new restaurants!