Broken Piano for President

by Patrick Wensink

Ever drank too much and forgot what happened? Don't be embarrassed. Deshler Dean faces this problem every day of his life.

Dean is far more brilliant and productive when he's blackout drunk. In the last few months alone, he has invented a hamburger more addictive than crystal meth, scored a six-figure record contract for his terrible art rock band, and started dating a woman he doesn't even recognize. Worse yet, he has become entangled in the biggest war since the Allies took on Germany.

When rival fast food chains duke it out for control over Dean's burger-inventing genius, Dean and his band mates plunge into the absurd world of corporate paranoia and greed. As the violence of the burger wars spills out onto the streets, it's up to them to win over the hearts (and stomachs) of the American people and save the country from the equivalent of a deep-fried nuclear warhead.

With the humor of Christopher Moore and the madcap sprawl of Thomas Pynchon, Broken Piano for President is a comic masterpiece about the fast food industry, booze, and the necessity to choose happiness over work and security.

Genres: Bizarro Fiction, Fiction, Humor, Horror, Book Club, Audiobook, Novels

372 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 2012

About the author

Patrick Wensink was born in Deshler, OH in 1979. Since that time he has done a lot of things he is not proud of. But he's also done some pretty interesting stuff. Over the years he has bottled and sold his own line of Wentastic BBQ Sauce, got married in a doughnut shop and even found the time to author a few greeting cards.

The Louisville Courier-Journal called Sex Dungeon for Sale!, "A deliciously dark and funny book," which probably made his mom very happy.

Reviews

[Brian · Rating 2 out of 5]

“Everybody needs secrets. It’s what keeps people alive.”

“Broken Piano for President” is a book I picked up HEAVILY discounted in my local bookshop. As a result I am not that upset that I own a copy. I picked it up because of its cover which I found out later was the impetus for a cease and desist letter from the Jack Daniels company.
Either this novel tries too hard, or I was just not that bowled over by it. Maybe both. It feels like it is trying very much to be gonzo lit, like “Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas”, but really it is just a comic novel whose characters are kind of crummy humans with the worst vices we can create out of drugs and murder.
The premise is clever; a black out drunk is heavily and unknowingly involved in the “burger wars” between giant fast food corporations. Okay, clever set up. However, then it just goes in circles from there, and at times the author, Patrick Wensink, does not make a clear leap from one point to the other. More than once while reading this book I just said to myself, “We are going in this direction now, I’m not sure why, but I’ll go with it.”
The text started out very slow for me, but it did pick up about 100 pages in. I think by that time I had accepted it on its own terms. It has humorous moments, but I would not call it overtly funny. There are some nice moments where the authorial persona makes an appearance and they are clever. “Broken Piano for President”…I read it, I did not hate it, did not particularly like it, but I am no worse for the wear.
Will I pick up another work of Mr. Wensink’s…probably not?

[Madeleine · Rating 4 out of 5]

(This review was originally posted at TNBBC's The Next Best Book Blog. Many, many thanks to Lori for providing me both the PDF version of this book and the opportunity to be among her guest reviewers.)


Hunker down, friends and goobers, and let us explore this tale of hero-worship, espionage, and warring fast-food franchises built on the sturdy foundation that is good ol' American greed and gluttony.

If you only know of Patrick Wensink's Broken Piano for President for its legal kerfuffle with Jack Daniel's (which the internet universally reports as involving the nicest cease-and-desist letter ever -- and you know how hard it is for anyone on the internet to agree on anything), then you are doing yourself a great disservice and ought to remedy such an unfortunate truth by getting lost in this light-bizarro joy ride. If nothing else, you may find that your problems pale in comparison to those faced by some of these characters.

Like any satisfying slab of bizarro-flavored fare, Broken Piano for President features an antihero who would be an unlikable loser if he weren't such a sympathetic everyman whose dilemmas -- the guilt of unexorcized childhood demons, an unsuccessful love life, a job that he thoroughly despises -- are relatable to anyone old enough to know that a blackout-drunk dependency on alcohol is the only way to deal with such staggering hopelessness. That is, until you wake up in a strange but totally awesome car one morning with no recollection of how you got there, whose car you've purloined, or who the corpselike lady in the passenger seat with the gaping head wound is and whether or not you're responsible for such a gory morning greeting.

Such is the life of and our introduction to Deshler Dean (presumably named for the author's town of origin). And things don't necessarily get any better for our self-brutalized protagonist, nor does he acquire any immediate clarity regarding either this or any of his multitudinous memory lapses brought on by drunken stupors. What he does gain, however, is an avalanche of opportunity for flexing his liar muscles by way of his alcoholic's amnesia and his improvised double- (and triple-) agent status for two fast-food giants (Winters Olde-Tyme Hamburgers and the subtly named Bust-a-Gut Hamburgers) who are locked in a game of perpetual one-upmanship with absolutely no conscience about offing the competition's (or their own) employees and clogging their consumers' arteries in pursuit of the almighty dollar. While Deshler stumbles through his jobs as an inebriated wunderkind of sorts who dreams up shamefully, sadistically delicious foodstuffs for his employers' menus that he never remembers once the hammer of sobriety thwacks him between the eyes, it is that same dollar-beer haze that allows him to write word-salad songs and serve as a frontman for his true love: his Butthole Surfers-inspired, art-house nightmare of a band, Lothario Speedwagon.

It is satire that deserves its comparisons to Kurt Vonnegut and Christopher Moore, for sure. The dirty underbelly of the two fictitious hamburger heavy-hitters grows worryingly less and less outlandish as the violence escalates and the calorie counts of Deshler's brainchildren reach meteoric heights. It takes no mental gymnastics to imagine real-life corporations planting spies in the corporate offices of their biggest competitors to ensure that they come out on top for just one fiscal quarter, as it's also no surprise that one of the chain's founders has been iconified and deified at the hands of the American public. The dangers of greed, blind consumerism, scare-tactic TV news, and sacrificing job satisfaction for job security are all on parade as the story catapults to its frenzied climax.

While bizarro is definitely not for everyone, this is hovering more on the Regular Guy Thrown into Extraordinary Circumstances with Some Violence on the Side spectrum of the genre rather than its Batshit! Insanity! at Every! Corner! counterpoint, which might make it a little more palatable for someone looking to introduce themselves to what can be a scary little literary niche that often requires a more willing suspension of disbelief that some readers may be comfortable extending. Broken Piano does, however, weigh in at a veritable novel-sized length, making it the first non-novella bizarro I've had the pleasure of reading. And it does, for the most part, successfully carry a plot (aided by dozens of subplots, lists, asides, montages and lessons in fictional histories) for its substantial duration. There are a few lags where characters wax a little too self-indulgent, where the story seems to meander, where the violence seems a little gratuitous in its detail but, hey, sometimes life errs on that side, too. Besides, I've seen examples of the genre commit far more literarily heinous crimes.

Bizarro is at its most successful when there's something significant to be found for those who are willing to dig below the violent, exaggerated-for-shock-factor surface that gives it its charm. Broken Piano is fueled by enough cautionary tales (never sacrifice corporate comfort for the art one was meant to create, even if it means being a valet for a little longer), life lessons (how the best-laid plans can be blown asunder by life's pesky unpredictabilities, like falling in love) and allegories (there are far more options than the two public favorites -- which I couldn't help but compare to the stranglehold of America's two-party system, even though there was nary a cue pointing me in that direction within these pages) to lend thematic support to its off-the-wall goings-on. It is an entertaining romp through some sick shit for those who just want to be told a story and a modern-day morality play of sorts for those who aren't satisfied with simply taking a novel at face value.

[Jason Pettus · Rating 5 out of 5]

(Reprinted from the Chicago Center for Literature and Photography [cclapcenter.com]. I am the original author of this essay, as well as the owner of CCLaP; it is not being reprinted illegally.)

Regular readers will remember Midwestern bizarro author Patrick Wensink, whose previous titles Sex Dungeon For Sale! and Black Hole Blues have both been reviewed here in the past; and now his latest and most ambitious is here, the booze-fueled rock-and-fast-food trippy comedic saga Broken Piano for President. Although let's be clear right away, that this is simply going to be way too silly for a lot of people's tastes, a sort of grown-up fairytale about a grizzled music veteran, JFK conspiracies, world-dominating burger franchises locked in mortal combat with each other, and a lot more; but for those who do consider themselves fans of the decidedly underground literary subgenre known as "gonzo fiction" (think Douglas Adams combined with psychobilly music, filtered through a six-year-old who's been given a sip of beer at a family reunion and now won't stop screaming poop jokes), Broken Piano is absolutely on the high end of the gonzo scale, a well-done piece of dark wackiness that will be adored by the same people who enjoy getting wasted and going to Monty Python midnight screenings. Sure, it got panned terribly at Publishers Weekly, but it was still a bizarro novel from a basement press that managed to get reviewed at Publishers Weekly; and that should tell you everything you need to know about the relative strengths of this book within a genre that is usually fairly weak, a foul-mouthed charmer that comes with a strong but limited recommendation, only to those who think in advance that they might enjoy such work. (You know who you are!)

Out of 10: 8.0, or 9.5 for bizarro fans

[Bradley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a bizarro fiction novel. Bizarro fiction is a literary genre where weirdness is the primary characteristic. Since this book has become very well known due to the news story about the cease and desist letter (regarding the cover design) from Jack Daniel’s going viral, the book will be many people’s first introduction to bizarro fiction. Because of this, I was a bit worried that the book wouldn’t be any good and people would be turned off from reading more bizarro. I’m happy to report this isn’t the case. Broken Piano was a great read and my favorite Patrick Wensink book. It makes an excellent introduction to the bizarro genre because it does not take its weirdness as far as many other bizarro books.

Usually stories feature main characters who are active rather than passive (meaning they do things do things to move the story forward rather than have things done to them and for them). When a main character is passive, it almost always means that it will be difficult for a reader to maintain interest in the story. This book features Deshler Dean, a man who has no control over his life because nearly everything he does that is important is done while he is blackout drunk. He has no memory of these events, nor does the reader read about them as they’re happening. Like Deschler, the reader finds out what happened through the consequences of Deschler’s actions while drunk. He is an extremely passive character. The fact that the book is great rather than terrible because of this is a testament to how fantastic it is. Also, there’s a fantastic Red Harvest/Yojimbo/Fistful of Dollars vibe going on with Deschler doing things while drunk such as making each of the book’s two fast food companies believe he’s working for them and sabotaging them by playing them against each other.

Highly recommended for fans of Kurt Vonnegut, Tom Robbins, and Christopher Moore.

[Emory · Rating 5 out of 5]

Recently, “Publishers Weekly” reviewed Patrick Wensink's “Broken Piano for President.” To say that they panned it is an understatement. To say that they couldn't be bothered to actually review it is another. Here's the link: http://www.publishersweekly.com/978-1.... I'd like to take this space to answer their limited criticism with a review of my own.

First, the linked review is not a review. It is a plot summary with a couple of off-hand comments tacked on the end. The summary is accurate, but I expect better writing from a periodical that calls itself “Publisher's Weekly.” While I think their summary gives too much away, I'll not bother with my own here.

“Wensink's convoluted and unpolished story requires a veritable suspension bridge of disbelief.” Yes, the plot is convoluted. There are several threads going on, but Wensink handles them all with grace. In my opinion, “Broken Piano for President” is no worse on subplots than Frank Herbert's classic “Dune” series or Neal Stephenson's “The Diamond Age.” Each thread strengthens the yarn, and pulls the reader into the insane world of Deshler Dean. Oh, and it's a work of FICTION, suspension of disbelief comes with the territory.

“...instead of being absorbed into what Deshler's publisher calls 'bizarro fiction,' the effect is more like waking up with a terrible hangover or trying to recall a bad dream.” Okay, the first problem is that whoever this supposed “publishing expert” is has confused the main character of the book with the author. Second, by using the “hangover” simile, they clearly illustrate their ignorance. The whole book is about a guy in a perpetual blackout-drunk/hangover cycle! It's what makes the narrative interesting and engaging! The reader finds out things as the character does. The Sam Elliot/Big Lebowski-style narrator that crops up every so often adds humor and allows for quick exposition of the story's world.

In short: if you want Oprah's Book Selection of the week, go read that. I hope you enjoy it. If you want to be challenged and drawn into a crazy but eerily believable and entertaining world, buy “Broken Piano for President.” It is money far better spent.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars

This book was published on my birthday. That alone makes this book awesome! Plus, I purchased the Wensinkian gift pack that came with a download of ear-bleeding music that's featured in the book (via the band, Lothario Speedwagon); the book itself (signed by the author himself); and an audio-cassette of the book being read out loud.

ODE TO BURGER OR WHY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO READ THE BOOK AND WRITE THIS REVIEW

First of all, my favorite lipgloss is from Tokidoki. It is orange and on the top in clear encasing it features the character, 'Burger' in all his yumminess. Throughout this book I kept Burger close to me and kept applying so my tummy wouldn't rumble whenever I read/listened about the new burger wars that was going on in the book, since I never want to consume twice my bodyweight, ever.

Second of all, I have a red boombox (thanks mom for purchasing it for me when I was 10) and it still works today. The only problem is that I've moved so much throughout the years it took me almost 2 weeks to locate it, as it was in a box in the basement, that I forgot I even had. Once I located it, I was able to listen to the audio cassette version in all it's glory. This is an experience everyone should have, at least once.

Finally, once I was done reading and listening to this book I had to take a week and let it sink in, but this is EXACTLY why I like Patrick Wensink's writings so much. He jam packs his books with so much Wentastic awesomeness that your brain just might explode if you don't take a break to contemplate what the heck you just read.

And here's a not so subliminal message for you, sponsored by our friends the Russian Cosmonouts: READ THIS BOOK OR ELSE WE WILL SHOOT YOU!

c'est la fin

[Christopher Owen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book, really I did. The premise sounded great, and the fist few pages were pretty funny. But then the attempts at humor just began to grow tedious, as if the book kept winking at me over its shoulder to tell me how funny it was being. If only it had been as clever as it purports to be.

[Zep · Rating 1 out of 5]

spoiler alert.

so far, I hate this book. I don't say that lightly or to be a dick or to rile anyone, but I hate it. my first impression of the book is it's somewhat akin to listening to a drunken, unfamiliar teenage tell you a story while they try to play video games. before long you realize you just don't care.

'it's fiction, you have to suspend disbelief!' the golden gate bridge doesn't do that much suspending. This is set in a world where corporations with 6 HUNDRED locations not only have corporate spies but also routinely engage in assassinations, coverups and international conspiracies to boost sales.

Everyone over 30 seems to have been lobotomized, possibly twice, any half ass excuse from anyone will pass. explaining the same thing to the main character every time someone meets them doesn't raise any suspicions from anyone.

the main character routinely blacks out after 2 drinks, but he keeps throwing back alcohol despite regularly waking to unexplainable circumstances including, but not limited to being beaten, in the company of strangers, having sex, in many and varied corporate board rooms with no idea of how he got there or what he's supposed to be doing. I have to think any modestly reasonable person would either start keeping an audio recorder, baby sitter or stop drinking.

the only thing interesting I've found about this book is the cover and Jack Daniel's cease and desist letter. which can pretty much be read anywhere else in 1/10 the time and none of the annoyance of the characters.

all in all this most reminds me of one of my own college drinking experiences. a friend and I purchased a bottle of cutty sark to try a blended scotch and despite the terrible, awful, burning taste I kept drinking it cuz I felt it was unreasonable to buy something and not finish it. that's all that's kept me going on this as well, but I'm slightly afraid the lasting after effects of this will be worse.

[Brian Sweany · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would give this book four stars, but I don't want to be "that Indiana guy" who shamelessly gushes over everything even remotely evocative of Kurt Vonnegut. A Louisville native, Wensink most certainly takes cues from his literary ancestor just to the north of him.

Many reviewers have classified BROKEN PIANO as "outside the mainstream," as if they need to say that to affirm their McSweeney's cred and the empirical integrity of their literary predilections. While I'll admit there's a certain amount of cache in saying to your friends over an over-priced round of microbrews, "I'm a big fan of the books coming out from Lazy Fascist Press," I happen to think BROKEN PIANO is very commercial. Deshler Dean, the bastard son of Sid Vicious and Bud Fox, might not be your average protagonist, but he has an undeniable everyman quality. Through an alcohol-soaked haze of performance art, guerrilla marketing and unbelievably benign self-destruction--the latter accounting for much of the books's weak spots--you can't help but root for the guy.

[Tom · Rating 5 out of 5]

Midwesterners are taught from birth to be hugely reverent to fast food franchises. Why, my own home state of Ohio (also that of Mr. Wensink), is home to Wendy's, and Arby's, and often mistaken as the home of White Castle and Big Boy (likely because there are so many). So it is no surprise that when I encountered a book whose universe is straddled by two hamburger collossi (Bust-A-Gut's and Winters' Olde Tyme), as well as the most ingenously named art rock band in years (Lothario Speedwagon--wait for it . . . you got it!) I did what I still do with a fast food meal: devoured it and loved every minute of it.

This book is uncommonly funny, well made, clever as hell, and never pedestrian. Lovers of fast food, alcohol fueled mayhem, The Butthole Surfers, Thomas Pynchon, perhaps Tom Robbins, espionage, satire, and all things Wentastic will no doubt find themselves like the late night denizens of a White Castle: temporarily sated but hungry for more.

[Ben]

Read it. And blurbed it. Yo.

"Not only continues to break fresh Wensinkian ground, he continues to find his voice, a warped voice surely, but one uniquely his own."

[S.T. Cartledge · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was one of the many people who bought Broken Piano when Jack Daniels served Lazy Fascist Press with "the kindest cease and desist letter ever", so I've had this book sitting on my bookshelf with this long-gone cover, and it's been sitting there for so long, even the updated edition with the updated cover has gone out of print as Lazy Fascist sadly no longer exists (although it appears as though the kindle edition is still available). This was from back in the day when I used to buy countless books on a regular basis with no structure to when or how I would read them all. Many of those books have since moved on without me ever reading them, but Broken Piano was an exception.

I finally got around to reading this novel, which took me long enough to read it on-and-off, which I need to make clear is not to say anything bad about the prose or the author. In fact, the writing is very sharp and funny and flows really well. I've read/watched plenty of stories about characters with amnesia and that old trope gets ancient really fast. In Broken Piano, the protagonist leads a dual life between an avant-guard punk noise band (I guess that's kind of how I would describe it?) and an elite corporate job in the fast food industry, which in turn is a dual life as he works for competing companies with conflicting goals. He's also a raging blackout alcoholic with massive gaps in his memory as a result, so he struggles to grasp on to what events, conversations, and relationships are current based on recent blackout episodes.

The thing which really makes this story pop is that it's bright, fast-paced, and full of interesting characters in interesting situations. The support cast has a lot going for them, as you get sucked into the lives of the band and the burger executives and everyone else they drag into their wild vortex of a story. A great read, highly recommended.

[Don Insixty · Rating 2 out of 5]

It’s every indie author’s dream, innit? For something they write to go viral, as John Rzeznik from the Goo Goo Dolls’ novel did. Ah, did it again. Patrick Wensink. Him. He’s the guy who received the “World’s Nicest Cease and Desist” from Jack Daniels (it says so in bold letters right at the beginning of the product description) because the cover to his novel too closely resembled their frankly mediocre whiskey. Said novel, Broken Dreams For Breakfast, would have otherwise been just another unremarkable small press waste of time. Anyway, if your crappy little indie novel goes viral somehow, your book sales will skyrocket into the triple digits instead of the fifty or so you sell to your family, friends, and whoever is on that forum you post in. But they’ll buy anything.

Broken Condom For Prom Night isn’t exactly a bad book, it’s just not very good either. At all. There’s another thing it’s not, and that’s funny. But blogger, you may say, what about all of the reviews and blurbs purporting it to be “A laugh out loud, thought-provoking novel.” or “Like Christopher Moore on very strong acid. In Broken Piano For President, he’s created a Pynchonesque universe…A rollicking good time of a novel.”? Well, dear reader, they’re “lying”. Then there are five star reviews from people named Pterodactyl Samurai or Sir Ethan of Potatolamp, who are obviously his absurdist bizarro buddies. Damn you, bizarro, you’re a subgenre I’ll get to another time.

I think Broken Nose For Rihanna is about this guy who gets blackout drunk (LOL) and creates revolutionary, groundbreaking cheeseburgers and now the fast-food mafia is after him or something. Ah the fast-food mafia, arch-rivals of the Amish mafia. The novel starts off talking to us, the readers, which I suppose should be clever but it’s not. It’s annoying and kind of a filler. In fact, this book is full of fillers. Did I mention it’s nearly 400 pages long? Anyhonk, the book moves on to chapter two (I think it’s chapter two) and we’re still not done being spoken to by the novel. Apparently we’re hungover, which is why we chose to read a FOUR HUNDRED PAGE LONG “comedic” novel.

Read more here: http://doneinsixtysecondsblog.wordpre...

[Tom · Rating 3 out of 5]

Like so many others, I found Broken Piano for President thanks to the infamous cease and desist letter from Jack Daniel's, but my joy from reading that letter from the Tennessee whiskey juggernaut didn't extend to actually reading the book. I must have started it a half dozen times before it took. When you're dropped into a character's life, and neither one of you know what's going on, it's going to be a rough start. It felt like it took at least 25 pages just to realize the title referred to a song performed by the protagonist's band, even though it was first mentioned on the first page.

And when you do finally get into the story, you have something that feels like The Hangover mixed with Johnny English mixed with Fast Food Nation, as told by the staff of Mad Magazine. That's going to be a hit with a lot of people, but it didn't quite work for me. And I've never seen "fourth wall breaks" work in a novel, even after getting to the end of this book.

But the story is fun for it's bizarre twists, even if it doesn't end up having any underlying meaning. I'm glad I read it, but I'm also glad I'm done reading it. I'm really glad to move on to something different.

[Matt · Rating 3 out of 5]

When I picked up Broken Piano for President, I was looking for something different and unusual. I got all that and then some, perhaps even more than I bargained for. Wensink definitely seems to have a flare for the ridiculous as you'll find yourself having more than a few dark laughs not only at the antics of Broken Piano's unusual characters, but also the various (and often unfavorable) situations they all too often find themselves in. Reading this book is a bit like trying to piece together a night of blackout drinking; you'll spend a lot of time honestly confused though eager to solve the puzzle. However, in the end, you concede that you may never really know the whole truth and you either learn to roll with it or get left behind.

[Erik Carl son · Rating 3 out of 5]

A great premise and some quirky idiosyncratic story telling which, I felt, seemed to continue to find itself stuck in loops of the same joke.
Example: I get that his band is terrible (unless you are Japanese) but it takes roughly 20 pages to deliver a punchline of reviews ( Which are, in themselves humorous).
I didn't hate it, I just found it acting like my 13 year old nephew who hasn't learned that if a joke doesn't work the first time, repetition doesn't help.

[R.A. Harris · Rating 4 out of 5]

phew finally finished it. That isn't a knock on the book, I found the plot fun and humorous, the writing was strong, and the characters interesting. I just took ages to read it.

Fuller review to come eventually. Even though it became famous for the cover, the book should be recognised as being good on its own merit.

[Charlie White · Rating 1 out of 5]

If you think getting so drunk that you can't remember anything you said or did is funny, you'll love this book. I did not love this book. In fact, I couldn't finish it -- read about half and then gave up.

[Lori]

eBook from author / excitedly waiting for the book-on-cassette!

[Auntie Raye-Raye · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved it. Made me want to eat hamburgers.

My rambling, boob-a-liscious video review: https://youtu.be/skUjfelm2ug

[Juan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the description of a war between two burger giants through the lens of a Cliff Drinker, Dean Deshler, a person that loses all memory of what happened when he’s drunk enough. It starts with an apparent murder, and goes through dead astronauts, a namesake band Thad channels the Butthole Surfers, and corporate double or triple spies going against each other in so many layers that sometimes you lose track of who’s who and against who.
The background is how little agency the consumers have, and how they are simply consuming whatever is the last fad, as long as it’s got as many calories as a whole truck stop menu.
But it’s also about masks, which the group carry, and about how “you can’t be yourself until you are someone else”. Every character is someone else, and also wants to be something entirely different. They are someone, show themselves as someone else, and aspire to be someone totally different, like Deshler, who wants to be the singer of Butthole Surfers, but seems actually to be the Cliff Drinker who does wonderful things (or horrible things, depending on how you look at them).
The title is actually very bad, and sometimes it’s a bit too long (and, to be honest, confusing). But overall, it meets my expectations (which were none) and then goes a bit beyond them.

[Adam · Rating 2 out of 5]

I get that some folks might like this. But I don't get it. Fractured, difficult to care about story line, and horrible characters. Just hard to care about where the book is going. And it doesn't feel like it went anywhere.

[Paul Hackley · Rating 1 out of 5]

I tried really hard, read 109 pages. The plot sounded great but it wasn't happening for me, lots of telling.

[Carole · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pretty clever, for a what-the-fuck-did-I-just-read novel.

[Friscomama · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'll sleep on it and let me figure out how to explain my feelings about it.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is zany, but so entertaining.

[Erin]

This book is like when someone is trying to tell you about a weird dream they had and it takes forever.

[Kathryn Herron · Rating 4 out of 5]

Have you ever woken up drunk with no recollection of what you did the night before?

That is exactly how Deshler Dean starts each morning. The exceptional thing about Deshler Dean isn’t his ability to drink anyone under the table but rather his ability to come up with brilliant ideas while blackout drunk.

“Broken Piano For President” is funny and wholly original. Author Patrick Wensink uses a conversational narrative throughout the book that helps readers feel as if they really know the otherwise relatively flat characters.

It’s not that Wensink didn’t flesh out his characters; in fact, they all have strong personalities. The only time the reader really sees the characters is when they are recovering from a night of excess drinking.

Dean and his friends are often confused, awkward, and unaware of what is going on around them. The reader (and the characters) are told of all these amazing things the characters have done while intoxicated, but we never get to see it for ourselves. Wensink manages to leave his readers feeling just as confused and lost as his characters, but somehow it works. Actually, the plot flows surprisingly well.

Wensink never expected “Broken Piano For President” would sell as well as it did. The book jumped to the top of the Amazon.com bestsellers list after Wensink published a cease and desist letter he had receieved from Jack Daniels. The company wanted Wensink to change the book’s cover art because it bore strong resemblance to the Jack Daniels label.

Jack Daniels even went so far as to offer to pay for the change, since “Broken Piano For President” was released by an independent publisher and they knew how expensive it would be to re-release the book. Once the press found out, they had a field day.

The resulting publicity helped turn Broken Piano For President into a bestseller, which may or may not be a good thing.

“Broken Piano For President” definitely isn’t for everyone. The book encourages drinking. The first chapter is nothing more than two paragraphs commanding the reader to go get a drink because Deshler is far too drunk to participate in the story anyway. The book also contains social commentary on corporate greed, consumerism, and politics which may offend some readers. It is a very smart and witty piece of work though. This one is definitely worth checking out.

[Derek · Rating 4 out of 5]

Broken Piano for President is my first step into Wensink. After the first few pages, I was surprised that this book has been classified as "bizarro", to be honest. Sure, this is about two hamburger companies engaging in brutal espionage, but I'm not sure if it should really be classified as "bizarro". Maybe it's more in the vein of "introductory bizarro" or "bizarro-lite". Regardless, it's the first bizarro book that ever interested my father, which I am pleased about, as most of his literary tastes revolved around politics and religion. I'm not really sure if he's going to read it in full, but he's at least making the effort; I mean, he bought the book before I did, so that's saying something.

There are several things I loved about this novel:

1.) The ending.
2.) The writing style and choices the author makes throughout this work that make it fun to read and out-of-the-ordinary.
3.) Dean Deshler, the protagonist, who is an "everyman", making this read a bit more literary than what I'm used to reading with bizarro. It was a nice change of pace and, actually, quite refreshing.

However, I'm not quite sure if I wish to give this book a full five stars. It just barely grazes that four-star status in my opinion. If there's one thing I particularly disliked, it was the pacing. The book was, frankly, just too long and repetitious to earn top marks. That doesn't make it a poor read -- it's still a pretty damn good book -- just not something that I get a boner over and want everyone in the universe to read. This is no Confederacy of Dunces or House of the Spirits to me, but it's definitely a good read.

Overall, I was highly pleased, and I look forward to reading Wensink's other work. Here's to hoping he continues writing. I can't wait!

[Thedailyopine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Have to say I was initially drawn into this book due to the controversy surrounding the cover and the "cease and desist" letter sent from Jack Daniels. Broken Piano is a very different book. At times it was difficult to figure out what was going on since the chapters were told from seemingly different points of view. I determined what was happening about half way through the book and was able to enjoy the cluelessness of Deshler Dean. He's a raging alcoholic who has frequent black-outs and can't remember what he did or who he met. Deshler and his band mates get caught up in the burger wars, which Deshler is the master mind behind at least one of the chains. The story slowly plays out and everyone comes to realize they are all being played. This is not a mainstream book and the issue with the cover helped garner some interest into it, which is a good thing. A good book for those looking for something outside of the best-sellers. Some witty humor also makes this book an enjoyable read.