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Violet to Vita: The Letters of Violet Trefusis to Vita Sackville-West, 1910-1921
The passionate love affair between Violet Trefusis and Vita Sackville-West ended in 1921 with their forced separation and return to their respective husbands and families. This collection of Violet's letters explores her part in the affair and provides details of the other principals involved.
320 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1910
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 52 reviews
January 3, 2017
I have finished this book hating everyone that was in Violet's life. I hate Vita, lustful coward that she is, dragging the affair along and along for a mere hobby as Violet disintegrated in her own passion. I hate her abusive relatives, I hate all the cowards who stood by and let this woman be abused and miserable without having the balls to do anything constructive and REAL to help her. They didn't deserve you, Violet. None of them deserved you. She reminds me of Gatsby, she's worth the whole lot of them put together. She had faults, but at least she was frank and BRAVE.
July 6, 2019
I would’ve given this 5 stars, but like with Vita’s letters to Virginia, Mitchell Leaska had to ruin it with the worst introduction I’ve ever been made to read (I think this one might have been worse or maybe they’re tied) – I despise his writing about these women because it always comes across as frankly homophobic and vilely misogynistic. I could elaborate, but if a man describes a woman dressing in men’s clothes as “perverse” then I think that speaks for itself. It was not the best way to start a book, but I’m glad I persisted because Violet’s letters were such an enjoyable (if not heartbreaking at times) read. She fascinates me. I had yet to read letters written with such fervour, such frenzy and unabashed passion before Violet’s, and I sometimes just had to put it down for a second to regather my composure (they get intense).
The Violet/Vita affair is a complicated one – and this review could go on all day if I wrote all of my thoughts about it – but to put it as concisely as I can, so much of its chaos and complexity, in my opinion, was absolutely a result of their circumstances and the external factors (society, their families, misogyny and homophobia!!!!). I disagree with demonising either Vita or Violet, as I think it’s much more nuanced than that, and Violet summed it up quite perfectly herself when she said:
”I blame myself every bit as much as I blame you – and I blame our circumstances more than anything. It is impossible for any love to expand healthily under such circumstances...”
But whatever you think of them as people, or their relationship, this collection of letters is certainly extremely interesting and addictive to read, and my heart utterly broke towards the end.
The Violet/Vita affair is a complicated one – and this review could go on all day if I wrote all of my thoughts about it – but to put it as concisely as I can, so much of its chaos and complexity, in my opinion, was absolutely a result of their circumstances and the external factors (society, their families, misogyny and homophobia!!!!). I disagree with demonising either Vita or Violet, as I think it’s much more nuanced than that, and Violet summed it up quite perfectly herself when she said:
”I blame myself every bit as much as I blame you – and I blame our circumstances more than anything. It is impossible for any love to expand healthily under such circumstances...”
But whatever you think of them as people, or their relationship, this collection of letters is certainly extremely interesting and addictive to read, and my heart utterly broke towards the end.
December 26, 2020
Very lesbian very dramatic very sad
March 19, 2017
i was violet trefusis in my past life. and you, you were definitely vita.
March 31, 2010
This book is based upon the letter's sent to Vita Sackville West, written by Violet Trefusis (Mrs Keppel’s Daughter) it pertains to a very famous or should that be infamous affair the two conducted between 1918 – 1920.
I discovered this book in a wonderful second hand book shop in Gloucester, I remember walking down a tiny alley and suddenly being in the midst of this vast hidden shop, very appropriate with the tone of the book I purchased.
I didn’t really know too much about their story, other than things my Mother had told me.
The two had known each other as children, Violet had always been infatuated with Vita, and gradually with time the relationship changed, Vita was however happily married to Harold Nicholson, a prominent political whom also had homosexual tendencies. They both loved each other madly, but the pull of Violet at times could be too much.
As I mentioned this book comprises of the letters that Violet sent to Vita. Vita kept all of her letters whereas alas Violet destroyed hers along with all her diaries. The book therefore places Violet's letters alongside Vita’s memoirs - being able to tell both sides of the tale of Violet and Julian, Vitas persona.
The book shows us a lost world of hidden lives bewilderment and the power of true love. So strong it lead them to do the most extraordinary things. It compliments ‘Portrait Of A Marriage' very well, a fascinating read.
I discovered this book in a wonderful second hand book shop in Gloucester, I remember walking down a tiny alley and suddenly being in the midst of this vast hidden shop, very appropriate with the tone of the book I purchased.
I didn’t really know too much about their story, other than things my Mother had told me.
The two had known each other as children, Violet had always been infatuated with Vita, and gradually with time the relationship changed, Vita was however happily married to Harold Nicholson, a prominent political whom also had homosexual tendencies. They both loved each other madly, but the pull of Violet at times could be too much.
As I mentioned this book comprises of the letters that Violet sent to Vita. Vita kept all of her letters whereas alas Violet destroyed hers along with all her diaries. The book therefore places Violet's letters alongside Vita’s memoirs - being able to tell both sides of the tale of Violet and Julian, Vitas persona.
The book shows us a lost world of hidden lives bewilderment and the power of true love. So strong it lead them to do the most extraordinary things. It compliments ‘Portrait Of A Marriage' very well, a fascinating read.
June 24, 2022
Oh, but this is such a bittersweet collection of letters.
I knew very little about Violet before reading this other than Virginia Woolf wrote her as a main character in "Orlando;" her mother was King George VII's long time mistress (and a character in Vita's "The Edwardians"); that she was in love with Vita for her entire life; and that she wrote the following to Vita, which I love (and which Vita recorded in her autobiography):
“Be wicked, be brave, be drunk, be reckless, be dissolute, be despotic, be an anarchist, be a religious fanatic, be a suffragette, be anything you like, but for pity's sake be it to the top of your bent — Live — live fully, live passionately, live disastrously if necessary."
From @1918-1922 - when they were both married to men - Violet and Vita ran away from their lives numerous times to be together, often for months; Vita often dressed as a man during these sojourns and went by the name “Julian.” All of this caused quite the uproar in London's upper class society, and Vita and Violet's husbands, as well as their parents, felt they had to intervene to stop the women from being together. Violet wrote to Vita: "you and I, Mitya, were born 2000 years too late, or 2000 years too soon.” These letters ache with longing for a world where they could be themselves, openly.
As a historical record, it was interesting reading about the end of WW1 through Violet's eyes, her thoughts and remarks on England's shifting class structure, and her (privileged) experiences living in Sri Lanka (then Ceylon), Spain, Germany, and France.
And yet, there were issues; Violet is not the writer that Vita is, and having only one side of the letters is disjointing (Violet's husband burned Vita's letters). It was painful, reading the sheer number of letters essentially stating the same thing: Violet begging Vita to live with her, to rescue her from a heterosexual marriage she never wanted to be in, to take a chance at the happiness they shared. Vita, bold as she was, was too much of the aristocrat to leave all sense of propriety behind, but she loved Violet, too; that is evident in Vita's,"Portrait of a Marriage."
I knew very little about Violet before reading this other than Virginia Woolf wrote her as a main character in "Orlando;" her mother was King George VII's long time mistress (and a character in Vita's "The Edwardians"); that she was in love with Vita for her entire life; and that she wrote the following to Vita, which I love (and which Vita recorded in her autobiography):
“Be wicked, be brave, be drunk, be reckless, be dissolute, be despotic, be an anarchist, be a religious fanatic, be a suffragette, be anything you like, but for pity's sake be it to the top of your bent — Live — live fully, live passionately, live disastrously if necessary."
From @1918-1922 - when they were both married to men - Violet and Vita ran away from their lives numerous times to be together, often for months; Vita often dressed as a man during these sojourns and went by the name “Julian.” All of this caused quite the uproar in London's upper class society, and Vita and Violet's husbands, as well as their parents, felt they had to intervene to stop the women from being together. Violet wrote to Vita: "you and I, Mitya, were born 2000 years too late, or 2000 years too soon.” These letters ache with longing for a world where they could be themselves, openly.
As a historical record, it was interesting reading about the end of WW1 through Violet's eyes, her thoughts and remarks on England's shifting class structure, and her (privileged) experiences living in Sri Lanka (then Ceylon), Spain, Germany, and France.
And yet, there were issues; Violet is not the writer that Vita is, and having only one side of the letters is disjointing (Violet's husband burned Vita's letters). It was painful, reading the sheer number of letters essentially stating the same thing: Violet begging Vita to live with her, to rescue her from a heterosexual marriage she never wanted to be in, to take a chance at the happiness they shared. Vita, bold as she was, was too much of the aristocrat to leave all sense of propriety behind, but she loved Violet, too; that is evident in Vita's,"Portrait of a Marriage."
March 24, 2017
An Immortal Affair Brought to Life
For most Americans, Violet Trefusis doesn't ring a bell. Vita Sackville-West, if she has any fame here, it is probably for her short affair with Virginia Woolf that followed years after her affair with Violet.
Violet and Vita were accomplished writers: Vita before Violet, Violet mostly in French, one of several languages in which they shared fluency. As Vita gained fame as a writer and Violet struggled to discover what she might do with her life--she drew and dabbled in writing at the time, they became among the most famous, some might counter infamous, affairs of 20th Century England.
Both were highborn women, Violet the daughter of Alice Keppel, the mistress of the Prince of Wales, Edward VII after his coronation in 1901, a discreet woman respected by all society, including Queen Alexandria, who invited Alice to attend the King's deathbed. Vita's lineage extended back to Elizabeth I by way of the Queen's cousin, Thomas Sackville, then through the Earls and Dukes of Dorset and the Barons Sackville; Elizabeth granted Thomas Knole House, if not the largest, then among the largest of English homes. (Virginia Woolf, who wrote Orlando for and about Vita, set much of the novel at Knole, because it was synonymous with Vita and was her greatest love and its loss due to inheritance laws her greatest regret.)
Affairs within the upper class occurred. Discretion begat tolerance. Scandal arose when lovers stepped beyond the bounds of discretion. And so was the case with Violet and Vita. At the time of the affair that blazed across Europe from its beginning at Vita's home, Long Barn, in April 1918, to its slow, painful end by the close of 1921, society buzzed about the women while their mothers, cast from carbon steel, maneuvered to end it. Vita was a married woman with a diplomat husband, Harold, and two children. Violet, single at the start, found herself coerced into a marriage with Denys Trefusis, who agreed to Violet's outlandish requests and suffered from the lashings of her vituperative tongue.
Violet's letters to Vita present half of the affair. Vita's letters to Violet no longer exist; in a rage, a common emotional state for him during these years of their marriage, Denys destroyed them. Unfortunate, for they would immensely increase our understanding of what the two shared read side by side. For Vita's recounting of their affair, you can read her memoir composed at the end, with her son Nigel's clarifications, explanations, discussion, and defense of her long, loving, and unorthodox marriage to Harold Nicolson, as well as her relationship to himself and first son Benedict, in Portrait of a Marriage.
This volume of Violet's letters opens with a comprehensive overview written by Professor Mitchell A. Leaska. Leaska does an excellent job of explaining not only the events of the affair, but also adds insight regarding the women's family histories, as well as psychological perception about their actions.
Violet and Vita met as girls in 1904, when they were 10 and 12 respectively, at school. They visited each other's homes. In 1908, Violet accompanied Vita and Rosamund Grosvenor, Vita's love at the time, and their governesses to Italy. There, Violet first declared her love for Vita. In 1910, the two began a steady, almost daily, correspondence that continued through 1921.
Violet's letters chronicle their affair as it develops, strengthens, matures, and, finally, disintegrates after their fiery clash at Amiens in February 1920, with fed-up husbands and Violet's father adding to the drama. Violet's offense? Breaking her pledge never to have sex with her husband Denys, who, incredibly, had agreed to abstain as a condition of marriage! Vita, for her part, had ceased sexual relations with Harold soon after the birth of Nigel.
In their relationship, Violet assumed the role of passive lover; Vita, with pronounced masculine tendencies and a wish to have been born a boy, was the strong, controlling counterpart, sometimes dressing as her alter ego Julian. Violet continually played to Vita's desire, as well as her need always to be more than just Mrs. Harold Nicolson.
To whet your appetite, here are a few samples of Violet's writings:
"I tell you," she wrote in 1918, "there is a barbaric splendour about you that conquered not only me, but everyone who saw you. You are made to conquer ... not to be conquered."
Appealing to Vita's need for control and mastery, Violet wrote in June 1918: "I revel in your beauty, your beauty of form and feature. I exult in my surrender ... I love belonging to you -- I glory in it, that you alone ... have bent me to your will, shattered my self-possession, robbed me of my mystery, made me your, yours, so that away from you I am nothing but a useless puppet!"
As the affair intensified, she urged Vita to leave Harold and run away with her: "I think you now realize this can't go on, that we must once and for all take our courage in both hands, and go away together. What sort of life can we lead now? Yours, an infamous and degrading lie to the world, officially bound to someone you can't care for, perpetually with that someone, that in itself constitutes an outrage to me ..."
After the breakup at Amiens, Violet declared: "If you lead me to think you are never coming back to me, there is but one way out for me, and that is ... Death."
Once more, toward the close of 1920, she wrote: "For you I would commit any crime; for you I would sacrifice any other love. My love for you terrifies me."
But in the end, Violet conceded: "... I am dazed with grief ... You have chosen, my darling; you had to choose between me and your family, and you have chosen them. Of course, you are quite right. I do not blame you."
Recommended if two of the previous centuries most fascinating women intrigue you, and for a front row seat to an impassioned affair of two highly literate, expressive, and iconoclastic women who wanted to break the bounds of conventionality but ultimately found themselves bound by them for social and financial reasons.
For most Americans, Violet Trefusis doesn't ring a bell. Vita Sackville-West, if she has any fame here, it is probably for her short affair with Virginia Woolf that followed years after her affair with Violet.
Violet and Vita were accomplished writers: Vita before Violet, Violet mostly in French, one of several languages in which they shared fluency. As Vita gained fame as a writer and Violet struggled to discover what she might do with her life--she drew and dabbled in writing at the time, they became among the most famous, some might counter infamous, affairs of 20th Century England.
Both were highborn women, Violet the daughter of Alice Keppel, the mistress of the Prince of Wales, Edward VII after his coronation in 1901, a discreet woman respected by all society, including Queen Alexandria, who invited Alice to attend the King's deathbed. Vita's lineage extended back to Elizabeth I by way of the Queen's cousin, Thomas Sackville, then through the Earls and Dukes of Dorset and the Barons Sackville; Elizabeth granted Thomas Knole House, if not the largest, then among the largest of English homes. (Virginia Woolf, who wrote Orlando for and about Vita, set much of the novel at Knole, because it was synonymous with Vita and was her greatest love and its loss due to inheritance laws her greatest regret.)
Affairs within the upper class occurred. Discretion begat tolerance. Scandal arose when lovers stepped beyond the bounds of discretion. And so was the case with Violet and Vita. At the time of the affair that blazed across Europe from its beginning at Vita's home, Long Barn, in April 1918, to its slow, painful end by the close of 1921, society buzzed about the women while their mothers, cast from carbon steel, maneuvered to end it. Vita was a married woman with a diplomat husband, Harold, and two children. Violet, single at the start, found herself coerced into a marriage with Denys Trefusis, who agreed to Violet's outlandish requests and suffered from the lashings of her vituperative tongue.
Violet's letters to Vita present half of the affair. Vita's letters to Violet no longer exist; in a rage, a common emotional state for him during these years of their marriage, Denys destroyed them. Unfortunate, for they would immensely increase our understanding of what the two shared read side by side. For Vita's recounting of their affair, you can read her memoir composed at the end, with her son Nigel's clarifications, explanations, discussion, and defense of her long, loving, and unorthodox marriage to Harold Nicolson, as well as her relationship to himself and first son Benedict, in Portrait of a Marriage.
This volume of Violet's letters opens with a comprehensive overview written by Professor Mitchell A. Leaska. Leaska does an excellent job of explaining not only the events of the affair, but also adds insight regarding the women's family histories, as well as psychological perception about their actions.
Violet and Vita met as girls in 1904, when they were 10 and 12 respectively, at school. They visited each other's homes. In 1908, Violet accompanied Vita and Rosamund Grosvenor, Vita's love at the time, and their governesses to Italy. There, Violet first declared her love for Vita. In 1910, the two began a steady, almost daily, correspondence that continued through 1921.
Violet's letters chronicle their affair as it develops, strengthens, matures, and, finally, disintegrates after their fiery clash at Amiens in February 1920, with fed-up husbands and Violet's father adding to the drama. Violet's offense? Breaking her pledge never to have sex with her husband Denys, who, incredibly, had agreed to abstain as a condition of marriage! Vita, for her part, had ceased sexual relations with Harold soon after the birth of Nigel.
In their relationship, Violet assumed the role of passive lover; Vita, with pronounced masculine tendencies and a wish to have been born a boy, was the strong, controlling counterpart, sometimes dressing as her alter ego Julian. Violet continually played to Vita's desire, as well as her need always to be more than just Mrs. Harold Nicolson.
To whet your appetite, here are a few samples of Violet's writings:
"I tell you," she wrote in 1918, "there is a barbaric splendour about you that conquered not only me, but everyone who saw you. You are made to conquer ... not to be conquered."
Appealing to Vita's need for control and mastery, Violet wrote in June 1918: "I revel in your beauty, your beauty of form and feature. I exult in my surrender ... I love belonging to you -- I glory in it, that you alone ... have bent me to your will, shattered my self-possession, robbed me of my mystery, made me your, yours, so that away from you I am nothing but a useless puppet!"
As the affair intensified, she urged Vita to leave Harold and run away with her: "I think you now realize this can't go on, that we must once and for all take our courage in both hands, and go away together. What sort of life can we lead now? Yours, an infamous and degrading lie to the world, officially bound to someone you can't care for, perpetually with that someone, that in itself constitutes an outrage to me ..."
After the breakup at Amiens, Violet declared: "If you lead me to think you are never coming back to me, there is but one way out for me, and that is ... Death."
Once more, toward the close of 1920, she wrote: "For you I would commit any crime; for you I would sacrifice any other love. My love for you terrifies me."
But in the end, Violet conceded: "... I am dazed with grief ... You have chosen, my darling; you had to choose between me and your family, and you have chosen them. Of course, you are quite right. I do not blame you."
Recommended if two of the previous centuries most fascinating women intrigue you, and for a front row seat to an impassioned affair of two highly literate, expressive, and iconoclastic women who wanted to break the bounds of conventionality but ultimately found themselves bound by them for social and financial reasons.
Want to read
May 21, 2010I can't look away, people.
May 27, 2013
AMAZING READ! the emotion behind the letters was incredible. You could feel Violet's pain on every page. great highs and lows. ANYONE WHO HAS EVER LOST A LOVE WILL IDENTIFY WITH THE WRITER.
September 25, 2018
One of the best books I have ever read.
September 1, 2024
The introduction, while illuminating solely for delineating the course of events of the love affair, was otherwise extremely biased, subtly homophobic, and moderately misogynistic. Leaska makes it very clear how much he looks down on Violet as a dirty, corrosive, hysterical (rather than passionately in love) woman who perverted Vita's pure, loving marriage, and he very obviously admires the "forbearance" of their husbands and is only able to empathize with the male characters, even though D sounds an especially foul character at times, reading Violet's letters. Nevertheless, on the whole, it was lovely reading the love letters, and they were so much more passionate, blatantly lesbian (as opposed to subtly )and genuine than I am used to seeing in love letters between women from this time period. Violet writes beautifully, and I marked so many sections to transcribe later.
Quotations:
[14 August 1918, I o’clock]
And the supreme truth is this: I can never be happy without you. I would be quite content to live on terms of purely platonic friendship with you – provided we were alone and together – for the rest of my days. Now you know everything. You are the grande passion of my life. How gladly I would sacrifice everything to you – family, friends, fortune, EVERYTHING…. (87)
[20 September 1918]
Why are women by far the loveliest things in the world? There’s nothing to touch then, I suppose that’s why I have such an innate admiration for my own sex…. (95)
[25 October 1918]
…I infinitely prefer someone blatantly illiterate to a person who can talk ‘a little’ and just adequately on most things. Oh Heaven preserve me from ‘littleness’ – and ‘pleasantness’ and ‘smoothness’ – these three things clog the wheels of progress more than anything in the world, except our bugbear a tous deux, security.
O Mitya, give me great glaring vices and great glaring virtues, but preserve us from the neat little neutral faintly pink or faintly mauve ambiguities that trot between. If virtue is the fashion, they dress in white, they dress their miserable little assimilative souls in white, and part their hairs down the middle – if vice is the fashion, they dab rouge on their cheeks and smoke Nezain cigarettes.
Oh my God! I would like to denounce them from the tribunals of the world, the people who say neither yes nor no, but who wait until they hear the Verdict of their arbiter elegantism, before they dare express an opinion….
Be wicked, be brave, be drunk, be reckless, be dissolute, be despotic, be an anarchist, be a religious fanatic, be a suffragette, be anything you like, but for pity’s sake be it to the top of your bent – Live – live fully, live passionately, live disastrously au besoin. Live the gamut of human experiences, build, destroy, build up again! Live, let’s live, you and I – let’s live as none ever lived before, let’s explore, and investigate, let’s tread fearlessly where even the most intrepid have faltered and held back!... (102-3)
[Saturday, March 1919]
They have taken you away from me, Mitya. They have taken you back to your old life, you who are so prone to take fakes for the genuine article. You will think you are catching glimpses of our Bohemian life now.
My poor Mitya…It was Julian, not you, and Julian is dead.
Remember what I said. It’s the truest thing I ever said about you. You are so prone to take fakes – faked people – for the genuine article. You don’t know the genuine when you see it. You who are so critical, you have been taken in time after time – taken in by me. You think I’m clever and I know I’m not, but had you come to me, I would have had genius.
I am filled with a rage of self-destruction now, a sort of moral suicide. You could have made anything of me. I would have walked among the stars. (114)
[March 1919]
Nothing and no one in the world could kill the love I have for you. I have surrendered my whole individuality, the very essence of my being to you. I have given you my body time after time to treat as you pleased, to tear in pieces if such had been your will. All the hoardings of my imagination I have laid bare to you. There isn’t a recess in my brain into which you haven’t penetrated. I have clung to you and caressed you and slept with you and I would like to tell the whole world I clamour for you…. You are my lover and I am your mistress, and kingdoms and empires and governments have tottered and succumbed before now to that mighty combination – the most powerful in the world. (118)
[I May 1919]
Men cheringue, I have been to the ballet which was divine – there were three: Petrouchka, Papillons, and the Good Humoured Ladies. I loved Petrouchka – its animation and unreality. Do you remember the jostling, dancing, drunken fair? How I longed for you?
There were the most delicious women in it who waved their hands high above their heads (like I do sometimes!). I adored them. There was another woman who played the spinet during the Good Humoured Ladies. She was so pretty. Why is it that it always seems miraculous when a woman does anything well? If a man played a spinet adequately, no one would look at him. With a woman there is something so illusive, so skilful, so witty, so ironical, so fantastic, so primitive, so infinitely blessed, that you feel you would give ten years of your life for the music to repeat itself: Each word is a poem, each glance an intrigue, each gesture a romance!
There are only two completely divine things in this world: music and women!...
…I assure you that there is nothing on earth more beautiful than a beautiful woman. Personally, it feels me with such awe and reverence, that my hand shakes so much, I cannot attempt to draw. I feel it would be a sacrilege.
I used to feel I must faint, my head used to swim and I could scarcely walk. I would go a hundred miles to see one…. Old men, young men, boys. Pah! I hate them. They fill me with repulsion. There is nothing in the world more repellant to me, even small boys I think unutterably repellant. (124)
[9 May 1919]
Men tiliche, in the train going there … I felt suddenly faint. I want you so terribly. You know how. You’ve no idea what it is like with me. I tried to tell you once in Monte Carlo. Something must be done about it. You don’t realize a great many things about me. I am terribly and unashamedly passionate, how passionate I don’t suppose even you know. I wouldn’t like you to know. All the force of that passion is centred on you. I want you, I desire you, in addition to everything else, as I have never desired anyone in my life. (I can’t see anyone even ordinarily pretty without being emotionally stirred, so what do you suppose I feel about you?) In the tunnel I shut my eyes and I seemed to feel you bending over me, and kissing my lips. O Mitya, mon amour, ma vie, reviens. Il faut que tu reviennes.
Parfois, avant de m’endormir, a force de te desirer, je finis par sentir ton corps allonge a mes cotes, toute la tiedeur de ta chair fremissante, les baisers de ta bouche, et les caresses de tes doigts, et je defaillis, et je me sens sur le point de mourir…
N’eprouves-tu jamais de tells sensations, voyons, un peu de franchise?
C’est que je tes veux que c’est de la frenesie! Il y a des jours entiers ou je ne pense qu’ a cela. C’est de la demence, tout ce que tu voudras, mais aussi j’en meurs Je suis sur que tu n’as jamais rien eprouve de tel.
Mon amour, ma joie, reviens, je t’en conjure!
[Translation:
O Mitya, my life, my love, come back. You must come back.
Sometimes, before going to sleep, by dint of desiring you, I end by feeling your body stretched out by my side, all the warmth of quivering flesh, the kisses of your mouth, and the caresses of your fingers, and I feel faint, and I’m on the point of dying.
Have you ever felt such sensations, come on, a bit of frankness?
It’s that I want you. I want you to the point of frenzy. There are entire days when I think only of that. It’s madness, what you will, but also I’m dying of it. I’m sure that you’ve never suffered so.
My love, my joy, come back, I implore you.] (134)
[July 1919]
… Mitya, you don’t know to what a pitch I have brought my truthfulness with Loge. This is the sort of conversation that takes place constantly:
L: What are you thinking about?
Me: Vita
L: Do you wish Vita were here?
Me: Yes
L: (All this actually happened) You don’t care much about being with men, do you?
Me: No, I infinitely prefer women.
L: You are strange, aren’t you?
Me: Stranger than you have any idea f.
The above conversation took place word for word last night and it is a typical one. I will not lie to Loge, save in an absolute extremity. I know the truth hurts him frightfully, but I should feel absolutely beneath contempt if I lied to him. I almost think that if he asked me point blank to tell him the whole truth from beginning to end, without omitting a single detail, I should do so. It would kill him, you know what I mean, but he is essentially a person one cannot lie to.
I have never felt the smallest scruple about lying to anyone else. Almost everything I say makes him wince, poor thing, but it is better than the other alternative. I know it is. Darling, you hold different views, don’t you? And I know if you could overhear some of our conversations, you would be desperately sorry for Loge.
I will never deceive you, but you must never deceive me. Tu me dois cela. Don’t think it amuses me to see L. writhe in agony sometimes. It does not – nothing has ever amused me less, but I know the answer to things he asks me, if it is the truthful one, will hurt terribly, and I know I would be disloyal to withhold it or to modify it in any way, so I never hesitate….
O Mitya, you must be straight with Harold about me! You must. It is so despicable to tell lies to someone who cares for one. All the time I have been here I have neither done nor said anything you could possible have taken exception to. Are you as straight with Harold?... (149)
[8 July 1919]
Ment iliche, I hardly slept at all last night. I thought of you….
I am alternately miserable, heartbroken, cynical, disillusioned, apathetic, resentful, then miserable again, jealous, despairing, listless – then, my inexorable temperament reasserts itself! All the rest is temporarily swept aside….
O mercy, the things I want to write!
You remember the caresses….
It seems I have never wanted you as I do now –
When I think of your mouth….
When I think of…other things, all the blood rushes to my head, and I can almost imagine…. (150)
[September 1919]
O Mitya, you are wonderful – my lips are still burning from your kisses! I talk to you of misery and jealousy, and spite and malice, and you seem to take it all in, and you talk to me in turn on similar subjects with a face of stone, and a ‘bang’ of granite – then suddenly – Crash! What happens? God knows: You kiss me furiously, passionately, possessively, jubilantly! I see you for a second as you really are – eternally young, eternally uncontaminated by the sorrows and frailties of this wicked world! Incorrigible healthy and inimitably sanguine!
Dionysius! of all your ‘travesties’ the most successful! You are beautiful, splendid: full of fire and youth, creative, invigorating, not human!!?? NO!
(HowI adore you)…. (161)
[1919]
You say you admire moral courage. It will take tremendous moral courage to disregard the world, fight it eventually, and eventually overcome it. We must fight to prove that Love, no matter where it springs, is mightier than anything in the world. (164)
[16 February 1920]
I have never actually belonged (not in any sort of way) to him any more than I have to Andrea (I only use Andrea illustratively). If only you would realize that I am speaking the truth, and yet you are surprised that I loathe men incorrigibly and look upon them merely as animals. … If only I could have told you more fully in Paris, or better still, if he had…. (177)
[11 May 1920]
Mitya, the bitterness of it – and though you haven’t been with me, you’ll be with him. He’ll come back today and you’ll be together. Always together till you die – O my God, I dare not think of it. He won’t let you go. What a dreadful thing is marriage. I think it is the wickedest thing in the universe. Think of the straight, clean lives it has ruined by forcing them to skulk and hide and intrigue and scheme, making of love a thing to be hidden and lied about – as in our case. It is a wicked institution and I would almost go to the stake to prove it.
It has ruined my life, it has ruined Denys’s – he would give his soul never to have married. It is ruined – not your life, but our happiness. It is all worry and dreadful and hideous.
… I have been ardently wishing we were ten years older; then people wouldn’t care what we did or where we went – or even twenty years older. I don’t care how old I am provided I may be with you….
Ever since I was a child I have loved you. Lesser loves have had greater rewards – You don’t know what you have been – what you are to me: just the force of life, just the raison d’etre….
Somewhere, tucked away in the recesses of your nature, there is something which understands – something which responds to my touch like a harp string – something alien, and wild, and uncouth – something savage and untender, something fiercely willing, and fiercely hostile to the rest of you – something which is not you but me! And to that something I make my appeal…. (214)
Quotations:
[14 August 1918, I o’clock]
And the supreme truth is this: I can never be happy without you. I would be quite content to live on terms of purely platonic friendship with you – provided we were alone and together – for the rest of my days. Now you know everything. You are the grande passion of my life. How gladly I would sacrifice everything to you – family, friends, fortune, EVERYTHING…. (87)
[20 September 1918]
Why are women by far the loveliest things in the world? There’s nothing to touch then, I suppose that’s why I have such an innate admiration for my own sex…. (95)
[25 October 1918]
…I infinitely prefer someone blatantly illiterate to a person who can talk ‘a little’ and just adequately on most things. Oh Heaven preserve me from ‘littleness’ – and ‘pleasantness’ and ‘smoothness’ – these three things clog the wheels of progress more than anything in the world, except our bugbear a tous deux, security.
O Mitya, give me great glaring vices and great glaring virtues, but preserve us from the neat little neutral faintly pink or faintly mauve ambiguities that trot between. If virtue is the fashion, they dress in white, they dress their miserable little assimilative souls in white, and part their hairs down the middle – if vice is the fashion, they dab rouge on their cheeks and smoke Nezain cigarettes.
Oh my God! I would like to denounce them from the tribunals of the world, the people who say neither yes nor no, but who wait until they hear the Verdict of their arbiter elegantism, before they dare express an opinion….
Be wicked, be brave, be drunk, be reckless, be dissolute, be despotic, be an anarchist, be a religious fanatic, be a suffragette, be anything you like, but for pity’s sake be it to the top of your bent – Live – live fully, live passionately, live disastrously au besoin. Live the gamut of human experiences, build, destroy, build up again! Live, let’s live, you and I – let’s live as none ever lived before, let’s explore, and investigate, let’s tread fearlessly where even the most intrepid have faltered and held back!... (102-3)
[Saturday, March 1919]
They have taken you away from me, Mitya. They have taken you back to your old life, you who are so prone to take fakes for the genuine article. You will think you are catching glimpses of our Bohemian life now.
My poor Mitya…It was Julian, not you, and Julian is dead.
Remember what I said. It’s the truest thing I ever said about you. You are so prone to take fakes – faked people – for the genuine article. You don’t know the genuine when you see it. You who are so critical, you have been taken in time after time – taken in by me. You think I’m clever and I know I’m not, but had you come to me, I would have had genius.
I am filled with a rage of self-destruction now, a sort of moral suicide. You could have made anything of me. I would have walked among the stars. (114)
[March 1919]
Nothing and no one in the world could kill the love I have for you. I have surrendered my whole individuality, the very essence of my being to you. I have given you my body time after time to treat as you pleased, to tear in pieces if such had been your will. All the hoardings of my imagination I have laid bare to you. There isn’t a recess in my brain into which you haven’t penetrated. I have clung to you and caressed you and slept with you and I would like to tell the whole world I clamour for you…. You are my lover and I am your mistress, and kingdoms and empires and governments have tottered and succumbed before now to that mighty combination – the most powerful in the world. (118)
[I May 1919]
Men cheringue, I have been to the ballet which was divine – there were three: Petrouchka, Papillons, and the Good Humoured Ladies. I loved Petrouchka – its animation and unreality. Do you remember the jostling, dancing, drunken fair? How I longed for you?
There were the most delicious women in it who waved their hands high above their heads (like I do sometimes!). I adored them. There was another woman who played the spinet during the Good Humoured Ladies. She was so pretty. Why is it that it always seems miraculous when a woman does anything well? If a man played a spinet adequately, no one would look at him. With a woman there is something so illusive, so skilful, so witty, so ironical, so fantastic, so primitive, so infinitely blessed, that you feel you would give ten years of your life for the music to repeat itself: Each word is a poem, each glance an intrigue, each gesture a romance!
There are only two completely divine things in this world: music and women!...
…I assure you that there is nothing on earth more beautiful than a beautiful woman. Personally, it feels me with such awe and reverence, that my hand shakes so much, I cannot attempt to draw. I feel it would be a sacrilege.
I used to feel I must faint, my head used to swim and I could scarcely walk. I would go a hundred miles to see one…. Old men, young men, boys. Pah! I hate them. They fill me with repulsion. There is nothing in the world more repellant to me, even small boys I think unutterably repellant. (124)
[9 May 1919]
Men tiliche, in the train going there … I felt suddenly faint. I want you so terribly. You know how. You’ve no idea what it is like with me. I tried to tell you once in Monte Carlo. Something must be done about it. You don’t realize a great many things about me. I am terribly and unashamedly passionate, how passionate I don’t suppose even you know. I wouldn’t like you to know. All the force of that passion is centred on you. I want you, I desire you, in addition to everything else, as I have never desired anyone in my life. (I can’t see anyone even ordinarily pretty without being emotionally stirred, so what do you suppose I feel about you?) In the tunnel I shut my eyes and I seemed to feel you bending over me, and kissing my lips. O Mitya, mon amour, ma vie, reviens. Il faut que tu reviennes.
Parfois, avant de m’endormir, a force de te desirer, je finis par sentir ton corps allonge a mes cotes, toute la tiedeur de ta chair fremissante, les baisers de ta bouche, et les caresses de tes doigts, et je defaillis, et je me sens sur le point de mourir…
N’eprouves-tu jamais de tells sensations, voyons, un peu de franchise?
C’est que je tes veux que c’est de la frenesie! Il y a des jours entiers ou je ne pense qu’ a cela. C’est de la demence, tout ce que tu voudras, mais aussi j’en meurs Je suis sur que tu n’as jamais rien eprouve de tel.
Mon amour, ma joie, reviens, je t’en conjure!
[Translation:
O Mitya, my life, my love, come back. You must come back.
Sometimes, before going to sleep, by dint of desiring you, I end by feeling your body stretched out by my side, all the warmth of quivering flesh, the kisses of your mouth, and the caresses of your fingers, and I feel faint, and I’m on the point of dying.
Have you ever felt such sensations, come on, a bit of frankness?
It’s that I want you. I want you to the point of frenzy. There are entire days when I think only of that. It’s madness, what you will, but also I’m dying of it. I’m sure that you’ve never suffered so.
My love, my joy, come back, I implore you.] (134)
[July 1919]
… Mitya, you don’t know to what a pitch I have brought my truthfulness with Loge. This is the sort of conversation that takes place constantly:
L: What are you thinking about?
Me: Vita
L: Do you wish Vita were here?
Me: Yes
L: (All this actually happened) You don’t care much about being with men, do you?
Me: No, I infinitely prefer women.
L: You are strange, aren’t you?
Me: Stranger than you have any idea f.
The above conversation took place word for word last night and it is a typical one. I will not lie to Loge, save in an absolute extremity. I know the truth hurts him frightfully, but I should feel absolutely beneath contempt if I lied to him. I almost think that if he asked me point blank to tell him the whole truth from beginning to end, without omitting a single detail, I should do so. It would kill him, you know what I mean, but he is essentially a person one cannot lie to.
I have never felt the smallest scruple about lying to anyone else. Almost everything I say makes him wince, poor thing, but it is better than the other alternative. I know it is. Darling, you hold different views, don’t you? And I know if you could overhear some of our conversations, you would be desperately sorry for Loge.
I will never deceive you, but you must never deceive me. Tu me dois cela. Don’t think it amuses me to see L. writhe in agony sometimes. It does not – nothing has ever amused me less, but I know the answer to things he asks me, if it is the truthful one, will hurt terribly, and I know I would be disloyal to withhold it or to modify it in any way, so I never hesitate….
O Mitya, you must be straight with Harold about me! You must. It is so despicable to tell lies to someone who cares for one. All the time I have been here I have neither done nor said anything you could possible have taken exception to. Are you as straight with Harold?... (149)
[8 July 1919]
Ment iliche, I hardly slept at all last night. I thought of you….
I am alternately miserable, heartbroken, cynical, disillusioned, apathetic, resentful, then miserable again, jealous, despairing, listless – then, my inexorable temperament reasserts itself! All the rest is temporarily swept aside….
O mercy, the things I want to write!
You remember the caresses….
It seems I have never wanted you as I do now –
When I think of your mouth….
When I think of…other things, all the blood rushes to my head, and I can almost imagine…. (150)
[September 1919]
O Mitya, you are wonderful – my lips are still burning from your kisses! I talk to you of misery and jealousy, and spite and malice, and you seem to take it all in, and you talk to me in turn on similar subjects with a face of stone, and a ‘bang’ of granite – then suddenly – Crash! What happens? God knows: You kiss me furiously, passionately, possessively, jubilantly! I see you for a second as you really are – eternally young, eternally uncontaminated by the sorrows and frailties of this wicked world! Incorrigible healthy and inimitably sanguine!
Dionysius! of all your ‘travesties’ the most successful! You are beautiful, splendid: full of fire and youth, creative, invigorating, not human!!?? NO!
(HowI adore you)…. (161)
[1919]
You say you admire moral courage. It will take tremendous moral courage to disregard the world, fight it eventually, and eventually overcome it. We must fight to prove that Love, no matter where it springs, is mightier than anything in the world. (164)
[16 February 1920]
I have never actually belonged (not in any sort of way) to him any more than I have to Andrea (I only use Andrea illustratively). If only you would realize that I am speaking the truth, and yet you are surprised that I loathe men incorrigibly and look upon them merely as animals. … If only I could have told you more fully in Paris, or better still, if he had…. (177)
[11 May 1920]
Mitya, the bitterness of it – and though you haven’t been with me, you’ll be with him. He’ll come back today and you’ll be together. Always together till you die – O my God, I dare not think of it. He won’t let you go. What a dreadful thing is marriage. I think it is the wickedest thing in the universe. Think of the straight, clean lives it has ruined by forcing them to skulk and hide and intrigue and scheme, making of love a thing to be hidden and lied about – as in our case. It is a wicked institution and I would almost go to the stake to prove it.
It has ruined my life, it has ruined Denys’s – he would give his soul never to have married. It is ruined – not your life, but our happiness. It is all worry and dreadful and hideous.
… I have been ardently wishing we were ten years older; then people wouldn’t care what we did or where we went – or even twenty years older. I don’t care how old I am provided I may be with you….
Ever since I was a child I have loved you. Lesser loves have had greater rewards – You don’t know what you have been – what you are to me: just the force of life, just the raison d’etre….
Somewhere, tucked away in the recesses of your nature, there is something which understands – something which responds to my touch like a harp string – something alien, and wild, and uncouth – something savage and untender, something fiercely willing, and fiercely hostile to the rest of you – something which is not you but me! And to that something I make my appeal…. (214)
Read
December 25, 2023“Be wicked, be brave, be drunk, be reckless, be dissolute, be despotic, be an anarchist, be a religious fanatic, be a suffragette, be anything you like, but for pity’s sake be it to the top of your bent — Live — live fully, live passionately, live disastrously au besoin. Live the gamut of human experiences, build, destroy, build up again! Live, let��s live, you and I — let’s live as none ever lived before, let’s explore and investigate, let’s tread fearlessly where even the most intrepid have faltered and held back!…”
October 5, 2025
So unbearably sad
September 8, 2018
I was somewhat obsessed with Vita and Violet starting in high school, having stumbled across Victoria Glendinning's biography of Vita, and ended up reading almost everything related to Vita (her novels, gardening books, various biographies, etc.). Reading this reminded me of what stopped my interest-- Violet is so clearly in love where Vita is not, and also even through her letters a much more talented and original writer than Vita ever was (never mind the whole thing where Vita would leave her small children for weeks or months at a time to elope with Violet, doing injustice to both sides). Gee, I wonder why Violet kept believing it was possible Vita would run off with her? It is very frustrating to see that Violet wasted her life pining over Vita as she did.
But, then when Violet is begging Vita to "fix" the novel she (Violet) is writing-- Outrageous (if you have read Vita's mediocre writing)! And the passages from that novel are in this book and they are lovely. It shows how she had no self-esteem and it makes you wonder what she could have done if things had turned out slightly differently.
The introduction seems to want to villainize Pat Dansey but her role was the only sane one (telling Vita to make a clean break, as Violet had been begging for years). I loved the footnote on Rebecca West that included her writing that Violet "was enormously gifted," "a superb linguist" with "real literary talent, far more than Vita," etc. That truly comes across in these letters.
If you read this alone, having not read anything else regarding these two, it gives the incorrect impression that Vita is a literary genius (though in Violet's more bitter moments she gives the truer impression, that Vita is a self-satisfied housewife who prides herself on being correct and socially accepted, even while occasionally playing at high cross-dressing romance at Violet's expense, as well as that of her family). Yet Vita's total mediocrity as a writer is left out? I know Violet has an excuse (she's hopelessly in love and idolizes Vita, plus Vita's writing was often centered around their romance), but what about the authors who compiled this book? Very weird.
But, then when Violet is begging Vita to "fix" the novel she (Violet) is writing-- Outrageous (if you have read Vita's mediocre writing)! And the passages from that novel are in this book and they are lovely. It shows how she had no self-esteem and it makes you wonder what she could have done if things had turned out slightly differently.
The introduction seems to want to villainize Pat Dansey but her role was the only sane one (telling Vita to make a clean break, as Violet had been begging for years). I loved the footnote on Rebecca West that included her writing that Violet "was enormously gifted," "a superb linguist" with "real literary talent, far more than Vita," etc. That truly comes across in these letters.
If you read this alone, having not read anything else regarding these two, it gives the incorrect impression that Vita is a literary genius (though in Violet's more bitter moments she gives the truer impression, that Vita is a self-satisfied housewife who prides herself on being correct and socially accepted, even while occasionally playing at high cross-dressing romance at Violet's expense, as well as that of her family). Yet Vita's total mediocrity as a writer is left out? I know Violet has an excuse (she's hopelessly in love and idolizes Vita, plus Vita's writing was often centered around their romance), but what about the authors who compiled this book? Very weird.
May 8, 2017
Watching the mutual love Violet and Vita shared gradually fade away into Violet pining for a woman she could never have in a time that didn't permit it was heartbreaking to read. Violet grows more and more desperate towards the last few years of their affairs and is ostracized by her family and friends for her unwillingness to adapt to societal conceptions.
Some of Violet's letters are difficult to read, and in her darkest months, she mentions suicide more than a few times. But I also think it's important to read historical queer narratives, not to diminish the difficulty of what the lgbt community faces now, but to understand where we've come from. Violet and Vita's affair happened almost exactly 100 years ago at almost exactly the same age I am now. I read parts of this to my girlfriend and we were both moved by Violet's insights and tragedies
and made us both think about how things would have been different if we weren't born in this era.
"If I can't be a peer of the future, I won't be a vassal of the past."
"You and I, Mitya, were born 2000 years too late, or 2000 years too soon."
Some of Violet's letters are difficult to read, and in her darkest months, she mentions suicide more than a few times. But I also think it's important to read historical queer narratives, not to diminish the difficulty of what the lgbt community faces now, but to understand where we've come from. Violet and Vita's affair happened almost exactly 100 years ago at almost exactly the same age I am now. I read parts of this to my girlfriend and we were both moved by Violet's insights and tragedies
and made us both think about how things would have been different if we weren't born in this era.
"If I can't be a peer of the future, I won't be a vassal of the past."
"You and I, Mitya, were born 2000 years too late, or 2000 years too soon."
February 16, 2023
I read this book after reading Virginia Woolf’s and Vita’s love letters. This one is only from Violet TO Vita (Violet’s husband destroyed all of Vita’s letters) and yet it still makes for an amazingly intense read. It felt like a Russian novel full of distrust, passion, betrayal and love. Violet truly only had one love in her life and, to her grave, it was Vita. Seriously recommend for people who like lesbian period dramas.
Favorite quotes:
“There are only two completely divine things in this world: music and women!”
“I assure you that there is nothing on earth more beautiful than a beautiful woman. Personally, it fills me with such awe and reverence, that my hands shake so much, I cannot attempt to draw. I feel like it would be a sacrilege”
“I wish I belonged to a lower organism of life altogether, halfway between a worm and sea anemone.”
Favorite quotes:
“There are only two completely divine things in this world: music and women!”
“I assure you that there is nothing on earth more beautiful than a beautiful woman. Personally, it fills me with such awe and reverence, that my hands shake so much, I cannot attempt to draw. I feel like it would be a sacrilege”
“I wish I belonged to a lower organism of life altogether, halfway between a worm and sea anemone.”
June 1, 2020
Poor violet...
March 11, 2021
I WILL DO ANYTHING IN MY POWER IN ORDER TO PROTECT THIS WOMAN’S NAME AND LEGACY
She was a genius.
But the sense of doom, the tremendous pain, the destructive passion... Her letters have broken me.
She was a genius.
But the sense of doom, the tremendous pain, the destructive passion... Her letters have broken me.
February 7, 2022
Amazing job on the editors' part.
However, the lack of letters from Vita to Violet (burnt by Denis Trefusis) meant that I felt, unjustifiably so, a sort of imbalance in their relationship? About halfway through this book, I got bored of Violet constantly beseeching Vita to elope and asking her to confirm her feelings for her.
However, the lack of letters from Vita to Violet (burnt by Denis Trefusis) meant that I felt, unjustifiably so, a sort of imbalance in their relationship? About halfway through this book, I got bored of Violet constantly beseeching Vita to elope and asking her to confirm her feelings for her.
January 15, 2011
It took me a while to get into this book of disorganized, emotionally jumpy letters from Violet Trefusis to Vita Sackville-West. Violet wrote from the heart, examining with absolute honesty her own emotions, but she tended to leave her hand-scrawled notes undated (or confusingly mis-dated)as if mundane details like time didn't matter to her. She drew little drawings in the margins too, some of which are included in the book, sketches of herself & Vita (often dressed as a man). Another confusing thing she did was dream up nicknames for those around her, & these nicknames would change as time went on & Violet's feelings towards the person evolved. Some of the letters have long passages in foreign languages (helpfully translated by the editors however), and often the later letters are deliberately misleading, because her husband, her mother, or other "chaperones" were reading & possibly censoring any letters to Vita.
But once you get past all these confusions & obfuscations, the shape of the story emerges & becomes completely absorbing. It's a bittersweet love story that would barely raise an eyebrow in many circles these days, but in the early part of the 20th century, in polite British circles, it was dynamite that blasted Violet's life & reputation into smithereens. Her bravery was as amazing as was her inability to see anyone else's but her own aching point of view; an unforgettable prisoner of love.
But once you get past all these confusions & obfuscations, the shape of the story emerges & becomes completely absorbing. It's a bittersweet love story that would barely raise an eyebrow in many circles these days, but in the early part of the 20th century, in polite British circles, it was dynamite that blasted Violet's life & reputation into smithereens. Her bravery was as amazing as was her inability to see anyone else's but her own aching point of view; an unforgettable prisoner of love.
February 8, 2023
I found this book in a tiny little book store on an Island when I was on holiday as a 17 year old girl and firmly in the closet. I devoured it's pages as though I'd been starved of beauty and had finally been allowed to eat. Such elegance and raw emotion throughout! I have lost most of the posessions in my life, certainly from my childhood and youth due to very unfortunate happenstance however this book remains firmly by my side. Irreplacable.
June 6, 2022
no one and i mean NO ONE in violet’s life deserved her
Read
October 10, 2022unfortunate for Violet - her writing was beautiful
April 1, 2020
My great Aunt lent the book to me, and well, I couldn't be more glad that she did.
There are many ways I could describe this book and my thoughts about it. I would say that the best possible way would be "beautifully sad and achingly intense". It wasn't a simple time in history, nor was it a simple affair that Violet Trefusis and Vita Sackville-West were part of together. They weren't simple people, though perhaps one could be forgiven for thinking so, after hearing — or reading — Violet's desperate pleas to run away, to see each other, and quite plainly, to be loved. Perhaps, you could argue that it gets tiresome reading her letters discuss the same topics over and over again, pleading for love, asking for the same something.
The something that never ended up happening. And that's really what it all came down to in the end, it didn't happen. The love that Violet had for Vita may have been reciprocated, but Vita didn't want the events to occur in the same way that Violet did.
But it's not boringly simple at all, it's the human desire for belonging, however terribly cliche it is. And Violet writes these letters with such passion that it's practically impossible not to fall headfirst into her world, into what little you can see of the two women. They're beautifully written letters, and while yes, there was a good deal of translation, and many footnotes besides, the letters themselves are stunning and made more so by the fact that Violet does just slip into different languages — hence the need for translations. There's nothing insincere about what Violet writes. There's nothing that could ever imply that Violet wasn't grateful for whatever Vita was giving her, which is what makes it so often bittersweet. There's so much love that Violet writes into her letters, so much care and a willingness to (perhaps dangerously) do anything for Vita, do anything for them to be together.
It's not pathetic as such, Violet's love, because Vita did seem to love her. And we cannot really judge Vita on her love due to the fact that we only have Violet's letters to Vita, none the other way, as Denys Trefusis — the man Violet was forced to marry by her mother — destroyed them in a fit of rage, something not uncommon for him. A frustratingly terrible man, I found him, while I almost began with sympathy due to his possibly loving Violet all that was soon eradicated as it was made clear that he had many (as the footnotes say) female lovers aside from Violet. But main to the two main ladies.
It seems as if Violet's love becomes increasingly one-sided as time goes on, though I don't know how true that it, considering we can't see Vita's side of the story. But it is certainly Vita that ends the relationship, rather than Violet.
All in all, I found it a stunning recount of history. Delighted with Violet's letters and the pieces of her novel she included — truly, it's a wonderfully interesting piece of writing she was working on, though she seemed intent on Vita "fixing" it, whether because Vita was genuinely a better writer or simply self-doubt combined with the idealisation of Vita, I do not know. Beautiful letters filled to the brim with emotions sometimes so strong that I had to take a moment to breathe before beginning to read again.
Well worth the read on all accounts.
There are many ways I could describe this book and my thoughts about it. I would say that the best possible way would be "beautifully sad and achingly intense". It wasn't a simple time in history, nor was it a simple affair that Violet Trefusis and Vita Sackville-West were part of together. They weren't simple people, though perhaps one could be forgiven for thinking so, after hearing — or reading — Violet's desperate pleas to run away, to see each other, and quite plainly, to be loved. Perhaps, you could argue that it gets tiresome reading her letters discuss the same topics over and over again, pleading for love, asking for the same something.
The something that never ended up happening. And that's really what it all came down to in the end, it didn't happen. The love that Violet had for Vita may have been reciprocated, but Vita didn't want the events to occur in the same way that Violet did.
But it's not boringly simple at all, it's the human desire for belonging, however terribly cliche it is. And Violet writes these letters with such passion that it's practically impossible not to fall headfirst into her world, into what little you can see of the two women. They're beautifully written letters, and while yes, there was a good deal of translation, and many footnotes besides, the letters themselves are stunning and made more so by the fact that Violet does just slip into different languages — hence the need for translations. There's nothing insincere about what Violet writes. There's nothing that could ever imply that Violet wasn't grateful for whatever Vita was giving her, which is what makes it so often bittersweet. There's so much love that Violet writes into her letters, so much care and a willingness to (perhaps dangerously) do anything for Vita, do anything for them to be together.
It's not pathetic as such, Violet's love, because Vita did seem to love her. And we cannot really judge Vita on her love due to the fact that we only have Violet's letters to Vita, none the other way, as Denys Trefusis — the man Violet was forced to marry by her mother — destroyed them in a fit of rage, something not uncommon for him. A frustratingly terrible man, I found him, while I almost began with sympathy due to his possibly loving Violet all that was soon eradicated as it was made clear that he had many (as the footnotes say) female lovers aside from Violet. But main to the two main ladies.
It seems as if Violet's love becomes increasingly one-sided as time goes on, though I don't know how true that it, considering we can't see Vita's side of the story. But it is certainly Vita that ends the relationship, rather than Violet.
All in all, I found it a stunning recount of history. Delighted with Violet's letters and the pieces of her novel she included — truly, it's a wonderfully interesting piece of writing she was working on, though she seemed intent on Vita "fixing" it, whether because Vita was genuinely a better writer or simply self-doubt combined with the idealisation of Vita, I do not know. Beautiful letters filled to the brim with emotions sometimes so strong that I had to take a moment to breathe before beginning to read again.
Well worth the read on all accounts.
July 21, 2024
Wow, really amazing insight into Violet Trefusis! Her letters were passionate, intense, and absorbing to read. However, this collection has several issues and definitely deserves as 21st century re-release and re-evaluation. The introduction by Mitchell Leaska was homophobic, sexist, and misogynistic. However, it did not surprise me that Violet and Vita's relationship and elopement were portrayed as this horrible thing that happened to the husbands and rarely focuses on either woman's feelings around this.
Some biographers have come down rather hard on Vita; she has been painted by biographers from Lee, to Glendding, to Leaska, to even recently Gillian Gill as some sort of "villainous" womanizer who used and discarded women without a care in the world. Harold (her husband's 'trauma' of her eloping with Violet is discussed and sympathized with A LOT in Glendinning's biography). First of all, Vita always remained in contact, and even provided financial and emotional assistance to women after the affairs had even ended. Vita, while she seemed "cold" on the outside, felt things very deeply as a lot of her writing indicates (I suspect she was autistic actually). She was not the cruel heartless womanizer that many make her out. Also, when she started dating Violet she had realized her husband had been lying and cheating to her for YEARS and gave her an STD. I do think she used Violet as an emotional crutch and elevated Violet's hopes and couldn't commit, breaking her heart. But they were living in 1920--a deeply homophobic, sexist, misogynistic society. Their families were threatening both of them to cut them off financially, and Vita would have lost her home and access to her kids. Since we don't have Vita's letters (Violets "long-suffering" husband Trefusis burned them in revenge) its impossible to know what she was saying or promising to Violet in her letters. Its clear that Violet was SA'd by Trefusis, and struggling deeply. This is the major crisis in Vita and Violet's relationship--Violet's relations with Trefusis when she "vowed" not to to Vita. Women had no recourse against SA in 1920. I do think Vita reacted very badly acting like she was "betrayed" when its clear Violet was unwilling, and had apparently tried to explain this multiple times. Violet's situation seems terrifying actually, being forced to be married to a man she hated (to get a divorce she was threatened with some sort of 'medial exam' that caused her to be scared and she ultimately refused).
After the affair ended Violet when on to live her best life on her own terms. Vita, on the other hand, sank into depression, alcoholism, and a string of complicated affairs with other women. She was never really close again with her husband, had distant relationships with her kids, struggled with numerous health problems, the demands of being a diplomat's wife and society women, though she became a highly successful author. I do think she loved Violet deeply. Unfortunately, sexist, transphobic, and homophobic accounts and perspectives on their relationship have made it really difficult to interpret. Violet's letters and Vita's novel "Challenge" I think give untainted insights into their relationship.
Some biographers have come down rather hard on Vita; she has been painted by biographers from Lee, to Glendding, to Leaska, to even recently Gillian Gill as some sort of "villainous" womanizer who used and discarded women without a care in the world. Harold (her husband's 'trauma' of her eloping with Violet is discussed and sympathized with A LOT in Glendinning's biography). First of all, Vita always remained in contact, and even provided financial and emotional assistance to women after the affairs had even ended. Vita, while she seemed "cold" on the outside, felt things very deeply as a lot of her writing indicates (I suspect she was autistic actually). She was not the cruel heartless womanizer that many make her out. Also, when she started dating Violet she had realized her husband had been lying and cheating to her for YEARS and gave her an STD. I do think she used Violet as an emotional crutch and elevated Violet's hopes and couldn't commit, breaking her heart. But they were living in 1920--a deeply homophobic, sexist, misogynistic society. Their families were threatening both of them to cut them off financially, and Vita would have lost her home and access to her kids. Since we don't have Vita's letters (Violets "long-suffering" husband Trefusis burned them in revenge) its impossible to know what she was saying or promising to Violet in her letters. Its clear that Violet was SA'd by Trefusis, and struggling deeply. This is the major crisis in Vita and Violet's relationship--Violet's relations with Trefusis when she "vowed" not to to Vita. Women had no recourse against SA in 1920. I do think Vita reacted very badly acting like she was "betrayed" when its clear Violet was unwilling, and had apparently tried to explain this multiple times. Violet's situation seems terrifying actually, being forced to be married to a man she hated (to get a divorce she was threatened with some sort of 'medial exam' that caused her to be scared and she ultimately refused).
After the affair ended Violet when on to live her best life on her own terms. Vita, on the other hand, sank into depression, alcoholism, and a string of complicated affairs with other women. She was never really close again with her husband, had distant relationships with her kids, struggled with numerous health problems, the demands of being a diplomat's wife and society women, though she became a highly successful author. I do think she loved Violet deeply. Unfortunately, sexist, transphobic, and homophobic accounts and perspectives on their relationship have made it really difficult to interpret. Violet's letters and Vita's novel "Challenge" I think give untainted insights into their relationship.
October 8, 2020
The Letters of Violet Trefusis to Vita Sackville-West are the one-sided conversation between the two writers. Vita's letters to Violet were destroyed by Violet's husband Denys and the racier ones destroyed by Violet herself. Their affair was much longer than the twenty-two years represented by this collection of letters. It lasted a lifetime. In Virginia Woolf's "love letter" to Vita Orlando Violet plays the role of Princess Sasha. It was a deep and lasting friendship and love affair that was even recognized by her current lover at the time.
The letters make the bulk of the book outside of the introduction. Small introductions are written to each section of letters. Vita was apparently was a rock star of her time. Women threw themselves at her. Violet was obsessed with Vita and it shows in the letters. No doubt the love shows through when Vita responds in kind. However, when Vita ignores Violet's pleas and amour, Violet grows almost fanatical in her devotion. She turns into what today would be a Facebook stalker in the age of letters. She mocks Vita for going back to her weak husband and domestic life. When things were good the letters reflected it. A series of letters uses pet names from Vita's Challenge Julian and Eve. Jullian was the persona Vita took on when she dressed as a man, as she did on more than a few occasions, when out with Violet.
The only problem I had with this book was the feeling I was only hearing one side of a phone conversation. The letters from Vita were lost long ago and would have made an excellent addition to this collection. It is difficult to tell if Violet was overreacting or perhaps even delusional at times without seeing Vita's letters. Vita does tell her side in her own works, but she has the luxury of framing things in her memory of past events rather than what was actually written at the time.
This collection of letters provides support and a check on Vita's own writing -- Portrait of a Marriage. Vita Sackville-West was quite the rebel, free spirit, and mover of her time. She is often seen just as a shadow of others like Virginia Woolf. Her writing was a second rate, according to Virginia Woolf, and only a few books remain in print. I found here writing hit or miss, but after reading Vita's autobiography, biographies, and letters and gaining insight into her life perhaps Challenge will have more meaning to me. The more I read about Vita Sackville-West the more interesting I find her.
The letters make the bulk of the book outside of the introduction. Small introductions are written to each section of letters. Vita was apparently was a rock star of her time. Women threw themselves at her. Violet was obsessed with Vita and it shows in the letters. No doubt the love shows through when Vita responds in kind. However, when Vita ignores Violet's pleas and amour, Violet grows almost fanatical in her devotion. She turns into what today would be a Facebook stalker in the age of letters. She mocks Vita for going back to her weak husband and domestic life. When things were good the letters reflected it. A series of letters uses pet names from Vita's Challenge Julian and Eve. Jullian was the persona Vita took on when she dressed as a man, as she did on more than a few occasions, when out with Violet.
The only problem I had with this book was the feeling I was only hearing one side of a phone conversation. The letters from Vita were lost long ago and would have made an excellent addition to this collection. It is difficult to tell if Violet was overreacting or perhaps even delusional at times without seeing Vita's letters. Vita does tell her side in her own works, but she has the luxury of framing things in her memory of past events rather than what was actually written at the time.
This collection of letters provides support and a check on Vita's own writing -- Portrait of a Marriage. Vita Sackville-West was quite the rebel, free spirit, and mover of her time. She is often seen just as a shadow of others like Virginia Woolf. Her writing was a second rate, according to Virginia Woolf, and only a few books remain in print. I found here writing hit or miss, but after reading Vita's autobiography, biographies, and letters and gaining insight into her life perhaps Challenge will have more meaning to me. The more I read about Vita Sackville-West the more interesting I find her.
August 18, 2019
«You and I, Mytia, were born 2000 years too late or 2000 years too soon»
(what a perfectly good way to sum up the tragic but passionate, complicated but long-lasting love affair between vita and violet that was bound to end in a heartbreak)
Loved the letters: the emotions behind them, the passion that is convey, the description of the circumstances that surrounded them and kept interfering with their love, and violet's writing.
Hated the introduction to the letters: sure a summary of vita and violet's complicated and long-lasting love affair was needed and that part was well-covered here, but there was something about mitchell leaska's writing that disturbed me: you can feel his homophobia and mysogyny behind the words he used to describe violet and vita, especially the part where he talks about vita dressing as a man (calling it "perverse").
Such a shame that vita's letters were burned by violet's awful husband, because it truly makes violet's love feel very one-sided most of the time. Even though it's obvious that there was passion and love on both sides as we know of their many "chepescar", not having vita's letters makes it hard to imagine that she felt the same when violet's letters seems like a series of begging and begging again and again for vita to come see her or even just to respond to her letters.
(what a perfectly good way to sum up the tragic but passionate, complicated but long-lasting love affair between vita and violet that was bound to end in a heartbreak)
Loved the letters: the emotions behind them, the passion that is convey, the description of the circumstances that surrounded them and kept interfering with their love, and violet's writing.
Hated the introduction to the letters: sure a summary of vita and violet's complicated and long-lasting love affair was needed and that part was well-covered here, but there was something about mitchell leaska's writing that disturbed me: you can feel his homophobia and mysogyny behind the words he used to describe violet and vita, especially the part where he talks about vita dressing as a man (calling it "perverse").
Such a shame that vita's letters were burned by violet's awful husband, because it truly makes violet's love feel very one-sided most of the time. Even though it's obvious that there was passion and love on both sides as we know of their many "chepescar", not having vita's letters makes it hard to imagine that she felt the same when violet's letters seems like a series of begging and begging again and again for vita to come see her or even just to respond to her letters.
August 8, 2018
I wanted to love this book. But honestly, if you’re reading this as a Vita Sackville-West fan don’t bother. Vitas letters to Violet were destroyed so these are only Violets letters to Vita. It’s one sided and doesn’t tell much about Vita. Most of Violets letters are self absorbed and letter after letter of begging Vita to run away with her. I will say the editors did an amazing job at piecing everything together and giving a biography of these two women. If anything it’s worth a read for the biography but skimming the letters would be fine because they are mainly the same love sick plea over and over. If you’re looking for beautifully written love letters between two women I would say Vita and Virginia Woolf wrote the most passionate letters I’ve read.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 24, 2023
Raccolta di lettere d'amore che Violet Trefusis scrisse a Vita Sackville-West tra il 1910 e il 1921, con preghiera a Vita di distruggerle dopo averle lette.
Testimonianza del profondo, folle, disperato, infelice amore di Violet per Vita. Quando invece Vita altalenava. Di Vita non abbiamo le risposte, ma le immaginiamo dalle parole di Violet, che le definisce frivole, burocratiche, indifferenti. Un amore fatto di "piaceri furtivi e di false generosità", come scrive Violet a Vita il 1 maggio 1920.
"Sono passionale in modo sfacciato, quanto immagino che tu neanche lo sappia".
Testimonianza del profondo, folle, disperato, infelice amore di Violet per Vita. Quando invece Vita altalenava. Di Vita non abbiamo le risposte, ma le immaginiamo dalle parole di Violet, che le definisce frivole, burocratiche, indifferenti. Un amore fatto di "piaceri furtivi e di false generosità", come scrive Violet a Vita il 1 maggio 1920.
"Sono passionale in modo sfacciato, quanto immagino che tu neanche lo sappia".
May 24, 2017
This is challenging to review, as the overwhelming majority of the book consists of transcriptions of the letters. Rather than rating the book based on those letters, I instead considered the introduction, background information, and footnotes contained within to expand the reader's understanding of the circumstances and communications. This is worth the time to read- for both the beauty and the frustration.
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