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156 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1961
I can’t abide the Mr. and Mrs. Noah attitude towards marriage; the animals went in two by two, forever stuck together with glue. I resent it as much for other people as I should for myself. It seems to me a degradation of individual dignity.
The novella is a first person, diary-form confessional narrative, by Edmund Carr, 50, the leader-writer of a broadsheet – probably the Times. Edmund is a self-made man from a humble background and is less than comfortable among the salons of society that he is sometimes forced to frequent and where he has met Laura Drysdale, a war widow. With a terminal diagnosis - two to three months – he takes a sabbatical from which he knows he will never return and joins the ship on which the object of his love is sailing across the world. The book is largely a 'what if' or more accurately an 'if only" in which Edmund tortures himself with the love for Laura which he can never express.
What VSW captures so eloquently is the monotony of such a voyage, the long sea days, the idle pursuits, the fixed dining companions, the oddness of people being thrown together under circumstances where escape is impossible. Unlike me, she revels in it, loving in particular those long empty passages over a changing ocean under a changing sky. Maybe if I'd read this before I went I'd have found it easier to reconcile myself personally to such a long time at sea. It involves a giving up of control which I found hard to do – yet which Edmund finds in some respects easier in the knowledge that he is anyway dying and will never see the end of the voyage. In spite of this (or because of it) he never gives up control of the two secrets that have driven him to make this voyage in the first place - that he is dying and in love with Laura. The one person he should tell is the very one he cannot – or will not.
Later I discovered that VSW was herself dying when she was writing this on one of the cruises she and Harold took frequently at the end of her life. Edmund as a character is as dense as a block of concrete, desperately in love with Laura yet determined never to let her know and managing to convince himself, despite mounting evidence to the contrary that her affections are centred on the dull but handsome Col Dalrymple. The final scene when in spite of poor Laura laying it on with a trowel he still misconstrues her feelings and struggles to believe that she does in fact love him.
'Dalrymple?' she said. 'The Colonel? Oh, you fool, Edmund,' she said. 'You blind fool!I cannot think. I dare not think....Folly, folly, folly!
She got up and went, leaving me alone with the lighted ship in the night.