Q: ‘Submission,’ I answered. ‘Confession. Truth. (c)
Oh, my! The sheer beauty of this novel lies in its perfectly dysfuntional characters. And when I say dysfunctional, I mean it. They are definitely at least halfway psychopathic. It affects you just like a car crash, which you don't want to look at but are forced to by that ancient part of your brain, the reptilian one, that would have you pay attention to the stuff of dangers in order to protect you in case something similar ever happens to you. So you watch, transfixed, the disturbing scenes before you. All just in case your inner reptilian needs that info for further perusal. (Or something like that, I'm sure neuroscientists will settle at some point on some or other theory). And so far, we get to enjoy our deluded heroes in all their malevolent glory.
NB 28.11.2017. More review to follow. This novel can't be read in one sitting, it's like splashing in a bucket of cold water: pleasant in moderation, unhealthy when there is a sea of buckets.
PS. I hated the women-switching twist. Stupid, really.
Q:
I’m a headhunter. It’s not particularly difficult. But I am king of the heap. (c)
Q:
THE CANDIDATE WAS terrified. ... ‘I’d like…’ I said with a smile. Not the open, unconditional smile that invites a complete stranger to come in from the cold, not the frivolous one. But the courteous, semi-warm smile that, according to the literature, signals the interviewer’s professionalism, objectivity and analytical approach. Indeed, it is this lack of emotional commitment that causes the candidate to trust his interviewer’s integrity. And as a result the candidate will in turn – according to the aforementioned literature – provide more sober, objective information, as he has been made to feel that any pretence would be seen through, any exaggeration exposed and ploys punished. I don’t put on this smile because of the literature, though. I don’t give a damn about the literature; it is chock-a-block with various degrees of authoritative bullshit, and the only thing I need is Inbau, Reid and Buckley’s nine-step interrogation model. No, I put on this smile because I really am professional, objective and analytical. I am a headhunter. It is not that difficult, but I am king of the heap. (c) At this point I can't help imagining the personality of a person, a guy at that (no makup staring into the mirror, sorry, guys!), who would have trained to smile the specific kinds of smile. And catalogue them afterwards!
Q:
A bit young for the job. And he knew; that was why he had dyed the hair around his temples an almost imperceptible grey. I had seen this before. I had seen everything before. I had seen applicants afflicted with sweaty palms arrive with chalk in their right-hand jacket pocket so as to give me the driest and whitest handshake imaginable. (c)
Q:
The confusion on his face was as expected. I had been inconsistent. Balanced life. Need for Commitment. That didn’t add up. Four seconds passed before he answered. Which is at least one too many. (c) Yeah, counting seconds. Nice.
Q:
‘I would certainly hope so,’ he said.
Secure, practised smile. But not practised enough. Not for me. He had used my own words against me, and I would have registered that as a plus if there had been some intentional irony. In this case, unfortunately, it had merely been the unconscious aping of words used by someone considered superior in status. Poor self-image, I jotted down. And he ‘hoped’, he didn’t know, didn’t give voice to anything visionary, was not a crystal-ball reader, didn’t show that he was up to speed with the minimum requirement of every manager: that they must appear to be clairvoyant. Not an improviser. Not a chaos-pilot. (c) Cherry-picking at its finest. And to endorce it, you make your rules as you go and go on to punish people who don't succeed at the game.
Q:
I saw that had the desired effect. He was rattled. This was not the usual interview format, this was not Cuté, Disc or any of the other stupid, useless questionnaires hatched up by a motley collection of, to varying extents, tone-deaf psychologists and human resource experts who themselves had nothing to offer. I lowered my voice again. (c)
Q:
He jerked back in his chair. Bullseye. Naturally. (c)
Q:
Mayonnaise and liver paste, is that you?’
‘I understood that sort of thing was confidential,’ Jeremias Lander said meekly.
‘So it is. But my job is to map out resources. And that’s what I do. (c)
Q:
‘Your qualifications, your track record, the tests and my personal impression all tell me you have what it takes. All you’re missing is reputation. And the fundamental pillar in constructing a reputation is exclusivity. Applying for jobs at random undermines exclusivity. You’re an executive who does not seek challenges but the challenge. The one job. And that’s what you will be offered. On a silver platter.’ (c)
Q:
I leaned forward. Opened my arms. Held up my palms. Sought his eyes. Research has proved that seventy-eight per cent of first impressions at interviews are based on body language and a mere eight per cent on what you actually say. The rest is about clothes, odours from armpits and mouth, what you have hanging on the walls. My body language was fantastic. And right now it was expressing openness and trust.
...
I half closed my eyes. It was an expression my wife Diana said reminded her of a sluggish lion, a satiated lord and master. I liked that.
...
I smiled, but not too broadly, stretched out my hand slightly before he arrived, but not too prematurely. (c)
Q:
He had answered without checking any form of calendar. I liked him better already. (c)
Q:
Ferdinand was unbelievably slapdash for a homosexual. And unbelievably homosexual for a headhunter. (c)
Q:
No one else but a headhunter would greet another headhunter with deference. (c) True enough. And not meant in a good way.
Q:
For discretion is our greatest virtue. The only one we have. Of course, the majority of our work from beginning to end is lies, of the most contemptible kind, such as when you hear me rounding off the second interview with my standard mantra: ‘You’re the man I want for this job. A job for which I not only think but know you are perfect. And that means the job is perfect for you. Believe me.’
Well, OK, don’t believe me.
(c)
Q:
They belonged to the service sector, to be more precise, the serving staff who tended to their wealthy husbands’ needs. Had these women been lacking in intelligence, that would be one thing, but they had studied law, information technology and art history as a part of their beauty treatment, they had let Norwegian taxpayers finance years at university just so that they could end up as overqualified, stay-at-home playthings and sit here exchanging confidences about how to keep their sugar daddies suitably happy, suitably jealous and suitably on their toes. (c) Ok, this one I lave thought many times myself. Can't help it but think of wasted opportunities for our society.
Q:
Height also has a positive correlation with intelligence, income and popularity surveys. When I nominate someone for a top job in business, height is one of my most important criteria. Height instils respect, trust and authority. Tall people are visible, they can’t hide, they are masters, all nastiness air-blasted away, they have to stand up and be counted. Short people move around in the sediment, they have a hidden plan, an agenda which revolves around the fact that they are short.
Of course, this is rubbish, but when I propose a candidate for a job I don’t do it because the person in question is the best but because he is the one the client will employ. I provide them with a head that is good enough, placed on the body they want. They are not qualified to judge the first; they can see the second with their own eyes. (c)
Q:
But if the carrot is big and orange enough, when the gross annual salary begins to approach seven figures, everyone modifies their principles. (c)
Q:
The truth is, of course, that the techniques prevailed long before then, that Inbau, Reid and Buckley’s nine-step model merely summarised the FBI’s hundred-year experience of extracting confessions from suspects. The method has shown itself to be enormously effective, on both the guilty and the innocent. After DNA technology made it possible for old cases to be re-examined, hundreds of people were found to have been wrongly imprisoned in the USA alone. Around a quarter of these wrongful convictions were based on confessions extracted by the nine-step model. That says everything about what a fantastic tool it is. (c)
Q:
He had read me like an open book during the interview. But how many of the pages? (c)
Q:
‘Do you really want to delete?’ the phone replied.
I scrutinised the alternatives. The cowardly, faithless ‘no’ and the mendacious ‘yes’. (c)
The guy's wife is, uh... not only a crossover from manga. She obviously screams in bed like an airplane! Her screams even give her husband a case of tinnitus. I'm not kidding!
Q: But not even a saint could scream like Diana. Diana’s scream... It was a lament and an enduring moan, a tone that merely rose and fell, like a model aeroplane. So piercing that after the first act of love I had woken up with a ringing in my ears, and after three weeks of lovemaking I thought I could detect the first symptoms of tinnitus; .... (c) Romantic, huh?
And the payback (you'll know what I am talking about after you read it) was wonderful!
Q:
I have always thought of myself as the kind of person who can think clearly in critical situations, someone who won’t panic. Of course, that could be because there have never really been any situations in my life that were critical enough for me to panic. (c) Some moments of clarity induced by the shock!
Q:
It was a quarter past one, five hours since I had got up, and I had already managed to survive my wife’s attempt on my life unscathed, dump the body of my partner in a lake, rescue said body, then alive and kicking, just to see my alive and kicking partner try to shoot me. Whereupon, with a flukey shot, I had seen to it that he became a corpse once again and I a murderer. And I was only halfway to Elverum. (c)
Q:
Most switchboards close down at four in Norway, most likely because the majority of the receptionists have gone home, to a sick partner according to statistics, in the country with the shortest working hours in the world, the biggest health budget and the highest proportion of sick leave. (c)
Q:
I had an inkling they offered rooms on an hourly basis for those who made love on a professional basis. In other words, those women who didn’t have the beauty or the wit to use their bodies to acquire a house designed by Ove Bang and their own gallery in Frogner. (c)
Q:
Diana almost never lied. Not because she couldn’t, Diana was a wonderful liar, but because she couldn’t be bothered. Beautiful people don’t need shells, are not obliged to learn all the defence mechanisms we others develop in order to protect ourselves against rejection and disappointment. But when women like Diana make up their minds to lie, they are thorough and efficient. Not because they are less moral than men, but because they have greater mastery of this aspect of the treachery. (c)
Q:
... a woman with a relaxed relationship to prime numbers and logic. (c)
Q:
Since, on principle, I never start working before it is light, on this particular day I was – as on most other days – the last man to arrive in the car park outside Alfa. ‘The first shall be last.’ This is a privilege I have formulated myself and implemented, a privilege that can only be granted to the company’s best headhunter. (c)
Q:
... waited and hoped. Perhaps it was a good start to the day after all, perhaps I could shout at an idiot. (c)
Q:
The other end had already been prepared for the man they would, in one and a half hours’ time, happily agree would have to be Pathfinder’s new CEO. The lights had been set up in such a way that he would appear at his most favourable, the chair was of the same kind as ours, but its legs were a bit longer, and I had laid out the leather briefcase I had bought for him, bearing his initials, and a gold Montblanc pen. (c)
Q:
There I had sat down and contemplated the autumn colours, which winter had already begun to suck from the forest beneath me, the town, the fjord and the light. The light that always presages the oncoming darkness. (c)
Q:
‘How did you know instinctively what we were utterly blind to?’ asked the chairman, with a loud clearing of the throat. ‘How can anyone be such a good judge of character?’
I nodded slowly. Pushed my papers five centimetres up the table. And slumped into the high-backed chair. It rocked – not too much, only a little. I looked out of the window. At the light. At the darkness that was on its way. A hundred seconds. The room was quite silent now.
‘It’s my job,’ I said. (c)