Bearded Lady

by Mara Altman

Mara Altman, author of the bestselling Kindle Single "Sparkle," returns to top comic form to address the problem every woman faces but no woman wants to acknowledge: facial and body hair. Her brave, witty memoir gives readers a rare, honest glimpse into the hidden world of lasers and razors. It begins in childhood, when Altman discovers that hair sometimes grows in unexpected places -- and that it's best to remove it immediately, or risk ridicule from 8th-grade girls. It continues into early adulthood, when romantically-inclined men make offhand remarks about her fine coating of fur. From there it's a hilarious, heartfelt journey from Barcelona to Bangkok in search of a cure, an explanation, and the perfect pair of tweezers.

After graduating from the Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism, Mara Altman worked as a staff writer for The Village Voice until 2007. In 2009, HarperCollins published Altman's first book, Thanks For Coming: A Young Woman's Quest for an Orgasm, which was optioned as a comedy series by HBO. She has also written for New York Magazine and The New York Times.

Cover design by Adil Dara Kim. Cover photograph by Christopher Lane.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Humor, Ebooks, Feminism, Chick Lit, Comedy

46 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 7, 2012

Reviews

[Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

While there was no absolute answer to the question, when can I just let all my body hairs hang out? Altman presents our womanly obsession with smooth skin in a funny, off-kilter kind of way that I really enjoyed.

I especially liked her interview with beauty editor, Cindy Barshop. It did a good job in pointing out our unrealistic views of beauty that we put upon ourselves, and is perpetuated by society. Also, did you know women used to irradiate themselves to remove unwanted hair? That kind of freaked me out, but the history behind hair removal and how it has evolved throughout time was pretty interesting.

I also really liked the end, when Altman works up the courage to tell her fiance, Dave, that she had chin hairs and his reply was, "Get it together. It's just hair."

Enough said.

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kindle Single - a pretty hilarious look at the fact that we're all in denial about our little bits of facial hair. As a girl w/ PCOS who's battled through allllll the treatments that are out there since I was 15 or so, I could so relate (meds? plucking? electrolysis? waxing? laser?), but I love the fact that her whole point was that we should just get over ourselves and admit that it's NORMAL. We all have some weird, and it's cool if we want it to go away, but the fact that we're all hiding in closets pretending it's not there is kind of odd and hilarious.

I'm down.

Coupla swear words. Pretty riotously funny. 4 stars.

[John · Rating 3 out of 5]

Each quarter, IHG hotels gives three Kindle singles (from a list) to elite status members; so, last time I chose this one. Started off well as the author related her own story, but she rather lost me later with quotes from gender studies and womens' history professors. Made me grateful for the option to go to the barber every couple of weeks to deal with my own body hair instead of having to worry about it (do anything myself).

[April Cote · Rating 5 out of 5]

I laughed so hard I was crying. A short story I think every woman could relate to. Because most, if not all of us women, have beauty routines that drive us nuts. Hair, being at the top of the list for most of us. The one we women have the biggest battle with and one we all hate. No woman is ever happily skipping off to the shower to shave her legs. So I was thrilled to finally have a woman take a stand and admit to the struggles and the mental craziness it can cause a woman. Thank Mara Altman, thank you for making me laugh and not feel so crazy.

[Sophia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed a review over on Stephanie @ Fangs Wands and Fairydust blog about a newer release from this author. Her humorous approach to both positive body image and explanation about body functions, particularly the unsightly ones, sparked my interest. I discovered she had written this similar, short sampling of the same topic already. I chose to experience it on audio with the author doing her own narration.

This sampling is about body hair on women though body hair in general gets a bit of the focus. She starts off with a poignant, humorous narrative about her young teen self discovering that having body hair anywhere that is not approved by the society norm can mark you among your peers. She goes on to share how she spent a great amount of time after that eradicating, mostly with the help of pros before one day on the brink of marriage, she stops to wonder why she- and women in general- are forced to remove all that hair to be considered acceptable and even beautiful. She consulted those who studied it scientifically, anthropologically, and even consulted women who lead and follow current beauty trends. The results were mixed and unsatisfactory with nothing definitive she could latch onto. It all came down to self, really. Self and finding another accepting person in the man she was with- and, he was more than accepting of her just the way she was.

Without brow beating a person, I liked the mix of personal anecdote, actual research, and the willingness to tackle a not so pretty subject about female humans- body hair. She's willing to ask the questions that most of us have thought about, but in no way want to bring up even among family, friends, and significant others. I liked her style and would read/listen to more of her works.

[Katie R. · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I saw this, I couldn't believe it. A memoir about body hair? This was obviously written for me.

This short read is about Mara Altman's struggle with accepting her body hair. I feel you Mara. It's been a struggle.

I have a huge problem with hair. Society can kiss my ass, because I don't bow down to social norms, or more appropriately, kiss hairy legs. But oh, when I was younger, being hairy was the end of the world. Seriously. I used to hide my legs.

It was a pretty interesting read, and all the facts she gave for why women must "get rid of unsightly hair" made sense. It's because of men of course. Stupid men.

There were many hilariously witty quotes in here. With less than 50 pages, I encourage everyone to read this. You'll get something out of it.

The end of this short memoir made a good point; it's just hair.

And so all you need to do, when you're worried about having to shave, pluck, tweeze, wax, rip, and lazer, is remember: it's just hair.

[Brittany · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had been wanting to read this story for a long while. It had been staring at me in my amazon wish list for so long that I decided to finally purchase it and give it a try. I'm so happy I did! What a funny, true account of hair. As women, we are expected to conform in certain ways even if our beauty does not fit the narrow definition provided to us. It is so silly to be so extremely paranoid about our hair, and then on top of that, to be so judgmental of other people's hair! Everyone has hair! Some have more than others, but that is true when speaking of all characteristics, right? I just loved this story and I think it has a lot to offer. Give it a try!

[Shoshanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quick read about the author's relationship with body hair. As a woman who's transsexual, I feel myself relating, in the ways in which it feels like a necessity.

This book isn't exactly pro or anti body hair. It's just a personal investigation. Maybe that's why I like it! No shame either way, but cool to hear another Jewish girl's perspective on it!

[Natalia · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ok, does this person know that she wrote an entire (so called) book about her body hair?

[Brenda · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found myself looking in the mirror for facial hair and plucking. The book was interesting concerning the history of when women started shaving legs, underarms, etc. I grew up with a Mom who did not shave and I remeber feeling very embarrassed. After a divorce she started shaving in her forties.

I did like the end of this book when the author told her boyfriend about her hair issues. Like he says : What is the problem ... It is only hair.

[Abby · Rating 3 out of 5]

Witty and fun look into our obsession with hairless women. Altman takes the reader on a post-pubescent journey through her battle with hair in unwanted places. Made me want to wax and not shave my legs on one page, and grow out my armpit hair on another. Fun, quick, and light-hearted!

[Carolyn Elmore · Rating 3 out of 5]

hilarious history of one brave lady's struggle with her follicles. I had no idea that an entire book could be written on this topic and continue to strike home and make me belly laugh over and over.

[kim almeida · Rating 3 out of 5]

C'Mon

Do I HAVE to do a review to move on??
AND a word quota...jeez!! Six more words are required. Ok.

[Rebecca Warren · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious! If you ever wondered why we spend a fortune on hair removal, this book will explain it and then some, while you laugh to the point of tears.

[SpecialK]

Super out loud laughing funny. For anyone that understands the title!

[June · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had high expectations, it is such a book that's giving you the self-love vibes. But, after reading it, I was immersed in a world of confusion, reflecting the author's quest in loving herself and her hairs. It also shows that the society and their 'image' of what a woman should be is quite extreme. I like hearing about the history of how it came to be, how the perspective on what a woman should look like is formed. But, I have some difficulties in liking this book. I am expecting something great happened in the book, but it never happened. Throughout the book, I was thinking like the book was trying to give something great somewhere, but it just never happened until the last page. It felt like I was missing something, but I didn't know what it was. It is also unfortunate that I don't feel like it changes much of my perspective, it just said the ideas we already heard out there. "It is okay to like our natural hairs, it doesn't make us less 'woman'."

I like the fact that the book is being realistic and not portraying an idealistic values. But the paradox is there and can be confusing sometimes. As opposed to 'character growth', I feel like it lacks consistency, so I think the idea was not conveyed properly. Let me just say that I wasn't prepared to read something a little bland.

Overall score: 3.04

[The Idle Woman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Facial hair on women. It’s a thing. (Honestly, it is a thing. Yes, those are my tweezers.) Altman learns to be self-conscious about hers at the age of nineteen, when a handsome waiter compliments her ‘blonde moustache’. The paranoia lingers (‘If I caught myself in the right light in my bedroom, I could see a vague resemblance to Tom Selleck’). Now, at thirty, she’s wondering how to break the news to her fiance Dave (‘a wonderful man who is covered in hair. He not only makes me feel happy; he also makes me feel smooth’). How will he react to the news that women spend their lives fighting a desperate and losing battle against encroaching hair, spending vast sums of money just so that their men don’t ‘run screaming into the night’? Of course, we shouldn’t have to do this. But we do, because we feel compelled to follow the ‘societal standard that all women must be smooth, supple, hairless creatures’...

For the full review, and comments on other books by Altman, please see my blog:
https://theidlewoman.net/2020/05/16/t...

[Carianne Carleo-Evangelist · Rating 5 out of 5]

There aren't words for how much I loved this. From the junior high mean girls to trying everything on the planet to avoid even one stray hair. There are many ISSUES facing the world and women, but body hair is easily one of the most persistent and confounding -- why is toe hair unacceptable on women but just fine on men. Why is it a treasure trail on men, but awful on women. Humorous, light read. Love this.

[Maria Alleyne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great topic and very funny

I stumbled onto this book and found the premise silly. I opted to read it anyway and I'm glad I did. I never really considered why I shave, tweeze and wax most all my body hair. It was funny to think back to middle school and remember how it started. Lots of lol. Very funny

[Kathryn Onorato · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun read

It's a quick book with sarcastic humor. Entertaining and enlightening- makes you really think and is totally relatable for all women- hair or no hair!

[keith jaques · Rating 4 out of 5]

Made me think

Very thought provoking and enlightening and most of all funny. Yes it made me realise just how irrelevant those dastardly heirs are in the bigger picture of life

[Michele · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this was the full kindle single and not just a sample. I need to get the whole story and get more of it to read then what I got.

[Meredith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good but should be longer. More research! Somebody fund her!

[Chad · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars Very funny.

[Penelope Schwertfeger · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bearded Lady

What a delightful book. Really had me laughing. Brought back memories of when I was a teenager. Very well done.

[Marsha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Laugh-out-loud funny, but thought-provoking, as well.

[Karina · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was an ok book. It was definitely funny but I wish it was longer, I finished it in two days and I’m sure I could’ve in 1 day if I had started reading it earlier that day.

[Macrae]

An incredibly cathartic read.

[Asher · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mara Altman deftly tackles the extremely taboo first world problem of hair removal in modern America.

Of COURSE I don't want you to know about my unmentionable hairs. It's obvious I have arm hair, and sometimes I give up on my pits and legs for a few months at time because lalala I can wear tights and longsleeves, and I am Staunchly Feminist about my lower region. But I have parts you don't know about. Emergency tweezers in my purse.

We don't talk about this. EVER. We never talk about emergency tweezers, and Mara Altman WANTS TO TALK ABOUT IT. And it's a beautiful thing.

I wish we lived in a society where this was not a big deal. But if we did, then I wouldn't be able to read Mara's hilarious exploration of our culture, how it came to be, and the terrifying billion-dollar industry that now stands because of it.

In short, if you're a person who grooms, read this. Now. It'll take you like an hour. And you'll laugh and commiserate the whole way through.

[Wendy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a book I picked because it is a genre I don't normally read: humor. I listened to it in Audible. I found it humorous, with some language strong for me (I'm 67 years old), but certainly in the vocabulary of younger readers. It explores the struggle that the author (indeed many women) have with removing and grooming body and facial hair. I found some of the references in the book enlightening (prior to reading this book, I thought of a landing strip as something at an airport) and threading (again, threading a needle to sew). I found myself amused. While this is NOT a deep read, we are listening to the authors struggle with being hairy, and she closes the book with some interesting research about how body hair removal got to be a thing. I wonder why young men are now so absorbed with removing bod hair!

Entertaining, a quick read or listen, and definitely fun.