Warning: This contains spoilers, so read at your own risk.
Book, I am very disappointed in you.
The blurb made you sound so amazing!
But... no. No, book. NO.
I honestly had a love-hate relationship throughout reading this. Some parts were amazing, and then the book would drop so low that it would make me want to run headfirst into my mirror.
Some of the big problems I have?
#1: Lily.
I want to punch Lily in her fucking face.
Not because she's capable but gets held down; that isn't her fault (i.e I'll complain about that later on).
Nope, it's that SHE IS SO GODDAMNED ARGUMENTATIVE.
Many of the conversations she has with Carter are him trying to talk some sense into her, and her being a motherfucking brick wall of stubborn bullshit and sarcastic quips.
The sad part?
She starts out so well!
I mean, she sounds like Katniss Everdeen; a teenage girl living in a shitty place, her main priority being protecting her sister.
Lily has another priority, though: getting the hell off the Farm, which is quite literally a school that has been converted into a place for food and breeding. The kids there are livestock, many donating blood once a week to feed the Ticks.
But then Carter walks in, and she becomes a bitchy brat who can't even listen to anyone but herself. At first her distrust is understandable, but it gets SO. FUCKING. ANNOYING.
You know those hostages that get outraged by the people trying to save them "siding" with their captors? Even though they should KNOW it's a negotiation?
Yeah; when Carter shows up as a bad guy, SHE CAN'T EVEN CONSIDER HE'S TRYING TO HELP HER.
Nope, all of a sudden, he's a collab that's out to get her.
Then, when he's trying to explain himself, she tries to get away like three fucking times, and won't even listen to him. He has to TRANQUILIZE HER. And even then, this just pisses her off more and she tries to escape again!
He has to pin her to a fucking wall.
Then as he tried to explain, guess what?
ARGUMENTS.
About half the conversations she has with Carter are arguments, and 100% of those are Carter TRYING TO TELL HER AS IT IS.
Fuck you Lily, if I could I would conjure you out of the book just so I could punch you in your fucking mouth.
#2: The Plot
Was this book not fine on it's own?
Did it REALLY need spicing up?
I think two sisters, one of them autistic, trying to fight their way through bloodsucking monsters and make it to safety in the North sounds like an incredible read!
Fuck Sebastian, fuck Roberto's plan, fuck Carter and the other rebels.
I WOULD HAVE LOVED THIS BOOK IF IT HAD JUST BEEN ABOUT LILY AND MEL.
But naw, it had to have real vampires. Not the ones created by a virus, but honest-to-god creatures of the night that want to take over the world.
Mmmhmm, yeah. *backspaces everything back to the beginning*
START OVER EMILY, BECAUSE YOU FUCKED UP.
Not to mention the overall silliness of the whole thing.
A vampire named Roberto wanting to take over the world?
That's fucking HILARIOUS.
That would make Stephanie Meyer piss her panties with laughter, and her vampires fucking sparkle in the sunlight.
Can we have a normal thing with the virus accidentally being released?
By humans?
Because vampires don't exist?
What the fuck Emily, were you afraid it would sound too much like The Hunger Games or The Mazerunner?
FUCKING HELL, EMILY MCKAY.
I shouldn't be surprised, because your author blurb sounds like a DeviantArt ID written in the third person, but FUCKING HELL. What a waste of a good idea!
#3: Aducturas.
I gave the fuck up at Uncle Rodney the Elvis fan; so please inform me of the point.
WHY DOES LILY NEED TO HAVE POWERS?!
Katniss didn't need powers!
Tris didn't need powers!
Fuck, most dystopian heroines just need to be badass!
Not Lily.
Nope, Lily has fucking mind control powers.
La-de-fucking-da.
What purpose do they serve? I don't know, please tell me!
Are they explained? Pff, I don't know!
Not to mention, why isn't MEL the abductura?
Seriously, that would make much more sense, in my opinion.
#4: Lily being tough but never getting to show it.
Why? Why is this?
If you're going to write a badass female character, THEN LET HER BE A BADASS FEMALE CHARACTER. Lily obviously knows what the fuck she's doing, she wants to protect Mel and get to Canada. Let her fight the Ticks, let her get in the middle of things, let her move a heavy piece of wood off a fucking cellar door.
SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE TOUGH, DAMMIT.
LET HER DO SOMETHING BESIDES SIT THERE AND BITCH ABOUT THINGS.
This seriously upset me, because the one YA heroine I get that's not a Mary Sue is pushed the fuck back by the other characters. The coolest thing she was allowed to do was make explosives, that's it.
THAT'S IT.
Please rewrite this novel, Emily.
Nitpicks:
- Sebastian, what the fuck do you look like? All I know about you that you're European and have funky pupils.
- What happened to Carter being an asshole? I thought he was supposed to be an asshole.
- Carter shouldn't even be in this book.
- Nor should Sebastian.
- Slut shaming. This book reeks of it when Lily is describing the Breeders, let alone McKenna. PEOPLE GETTING PREGGERS?! ON PURPOSE?! OH NOES, DATS WRONG AND MAKES YOU A BABY-KILLING SLAG!
- Lily refusing to give people sympathy for stupid-ass reasons.
- There's more pop culture references in this book than in one 15 minute episode of MAD.
- McKenna is popular, and thus is automatically an asshole.
- When the fuck did Stoner Joe do drugs?
- The bad guys are purposefully laced with shittness to make then sound even more bad. Not only are collabs the dangerous security on the Farm; they're dirty, smelly, fat, lazy, used to be bullies at school, and like to rape people. Not only is the Dean running a place where children are used as livestock and fed to the Ticks when they misbehave, he's a total assholian pig who's too smug for his own good. Yep, the main points weren't a hint, you had to add rapey smugness.
- Lily gets first person POV in her chapters. Mel gets first person POV in her chapters. Carter doesn't get first person POV in his chapters. What the fuck, McKay?
- Uncle Rodney the Elvis fan.
- The action scenes are confusing as fuck.
- My mom's name was Lily. Great way to honor her.
Sure, this book has some good qualities, like Mel and the whole Farm concept, but the only way it could be redeemed is if Emily started the fuck over, got rid of the vampires, made it about two sisters escaping a Farm and fighting for survival an apocalypse of vampires, then maybe, in the second book, something with Carter and the rebels.
There ya go, Emily. I will sit here patiently while you clean up your mess.