Julian Barnes plays the dichotomist in these stories, cleaving them into a One and a Two. It's a clean cut because the two parts do not seem related to me, not by theme and purpose, and certainly not by reader appreciation.
One holds nine stories. Only one, Sleeping with John Updike, impressed; although, candidly, maybe I just liked the title. In these stories, Barnes is insufferably British. Five of the stories are interspersed, a continuation of a dialogue that six or so people (couples) have at Phil & Joanna's. I didn't much like these people, full of themselves, yet observers, not participants, in life. There are some witticisms, perhaps to show off Barnes' erudition. One of the men offers:
"Who was that British general in some Indian war who captured the province of Sind and sent a one-word telegraph back to HQ? It simply said, 'Peccavi' . . . Ah, a few blank faces. Latin for 'I have sinned.'"
That's cute. That's clever. But if I was a guest with such dialogue, I would have more drinks than I should and go look at the spines of the books in the shelves; you know, to get away from the people.
But Two . . . Two demonstrated once again the brilliance of Julian Barnes. There are five stories here, dedicated (I eventually figured out) to each of the senses.
So, in The Limner, a portrait painter can not hear nor speak, but he knows an asshole when he sees one. In Complicity Barnes marvelously mergers the feel of things from youth with the touch of a love's hand.
Nature warned us, our parents warned us. We understood about knuckle-scabbing and traffic. We learnt to look out for a loose stair carpet, because Grandma had once nearly taken a tumble when one of her brass stair rods, removed for annual polishing, hadn't been replaced properly. We learnt about thin ice, and frostbite, and evil boys who put pebbles and sometimes even razor blades into snowballs -- though none of these warnings was ever justified by events. We learnt about nettles and thistles, and how grass, which seemed such harmless stuff, could give you a sudden burn, like sandpaper. We were warned about knives and scissors and the danger of the untied shoelace. We were warned about strange men who might try to lure us into cars or lorries; though it took us years to work out that "strange" did not mean "bizarre, hunchbacked, dribbling, goitred" -- or however we define strangeness -- but merely "unknown to us." We were warned about bad boys and, later, bad girls. An embarrassed science master warned us against VD, misleadingly informing us that it was caused by "indiscriminate sexual intercourse." We were warned about gluttony and sloth and letting down our school, about avarice and greed and letting down our family, and envy and wrath and letting down our country.
We were never warned about heartbreak.
In Harmony a gifted young female pianist loses her eyesight. A man can give her her sight back through a magnetic cure, but she loses her musical gift. Her father is not pleased.
In Carcassonne, my favorite, Barnes rhapsodizes about the various meanings of 'taste'. He is reminded of Ford Maddox Ford's line: I just wanted to marry her as some people want to go to Carcassonne. Ah, Taste. He lets us look at Garibaldi, viewing a young woman through a telescope on shore, and falling hard. A female friend says, "If you took me into a crowded room and there was one man with 'Nutter' tattooed on his forehead, I'd walk straight across to him." He looks affectionately at two gay couples. And he writes:
I once went to visit a young married couple whose new house was astonishingly empty of furniture. "The problem," the wife explained, "is that he's got no taste at all and I've only got bad taste." I suppose that to accuse yourself of bad taste implies the latent presence of some sort of good taste. But in our love choices, few of us know whether or not we are going to end up in that house without furniture.
In Pulse, the narrator's father loses his sense of smell. He doesn't mind it so much, except he can't smell his wife.
Barnes manages to use the word pulse in different ways throughout these last six stories. I love that about Barnes: the way he thoroughly examines a word, inside and out. I love the way he picks a historical event, an imagined vignette, a wisp of dialogue, and weaves them together. There are many places to feel the beating, the pulsing.
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We are here because we are obsessive readers. Not just that we have to read. Hell, we could do that in a cave. But we're here because we need to tell somebody. Not every book or story. And not every one of you. But you. You. Read these last five stories.