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Mummydaddy
In the summer of 1992, Jeremy Howe and his wife, Lizzie, were tending to last-minute holiday preparations. Lizzie was leaving to teach at a summer school before she could join Jeremy and their two daughters, Jessica, six and Lucy, four, at the seaside. That night, arriving at his mother’s in Suffolk, Jeremy managed to get the excited girls to go to sleep, irritated that their mother hadn't called to say goodnight as she had promised. Just after midnight the household was woken by a policeman who had come to tell them that Lizzie was dead. She had been murdered. Twenty years after that terrible night, Jeremy and his girls are not the people they might have been had Lizzie not died. They’re certainly different, but not damaged. This is the candid, heartrending story of how they got there, of how, faced with the worst thing that could possibly happen, they put their lives back together, bit by bit and piece by piece. It's a story of how Daddy became Mummydaddy and of the pitfalls along the way, from how on earth you decide what to tell your children about their mother's violent death to the practicalities of knowing what they like in their packed lunch; from helping your children to grieve when your own grief is so sharp it threatens to overwhelm you to making sure that they brush their teeth and comb their hair. It's a story full of tears, but also of love and family and redemption.
- GenresNonfictionAutobiography
305 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 20, 2012
5 people are currently reading
163 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews
August 15, 2012
I decided to read this book after it was mentioned to me by both my mummy and my daddy! I wasn’t sure at first – I read my fair share of so-called ‘misery memoirs’ when they first became prolific. I think Dave Pelzer’s A Child Called ‘It’ was one of the first. They are, to say the least, hit and miss. Some, like Dave Pelzer’s, are absorbing and thought-provoking and stayed with me for some time. Others, though often desperately sad (and I would never trivialise the things these people write about), come across as self-indulgent and actively catering for the more voyeuristic among us. This became increasingly the case as the genre expanded from memoirs of troubled childhoods to ‘tragic life stories’ more broadly (apparently the name given to the genre by Waterstones). So I always think carefully before picking up this type of book.
But I trust my parents’ recommendations and both said that Mummydaddy was worth a read, so read it I did. In fact, I read it in less than three days – it’s not a long or difficult read. It’s also surprisingly uplifting.
Mummydaddy is written by Jeremy Howe, some twenty years after the random and brutal murder of his academic wife in York, where she was lecturing at a summer school. It is of course the story of Jeremy learning to live without his wife, but more than that it is the story of him learning to be a single parent to two girls – aged only four and six when they lost their mum. What I liked about Jeremy’s story is that he does not dwell on the gory details (as those writers that I think cater to more voyeuristic readers do) – sections of the book that refer to the murder and the trial are predominantly matter-of-fact narratives. The focus, and the emotional pull, of the story is Jeremy’s evolving relationship with his daughters. There are some heartwrenching moments, but there are just as many heartwarming moments, and even some funny ones.
It is also organised only loosely chronologically, and in part thematically. I think this helps keep it from being too heavygoing – this is not Jeremy’s account of how he found his way out of grief (although he does reference his journey through the various stages of grief). Some reviewers on Amazon express disappointment or annoyance that Jeremy doesn’t mention anything about subsequent relationships until the final few pages; they feel cheated, that knowing whether he was alone or with somebody at various points in the memoir would have changed how they responded to it. For me, those people have missed the point. This isn’t Jeremy’s story, it’s Daddy’s story and it’s Jessica and Lucy’s story. It’s about his relationship to them, and their relationship to each other – not his relationship to girlfriends. It’s not even about his relationship to Lizzie, not really. I think it’s quite an achievement that Jeremy Howe has written a book that begins with the devastating loss of his wife, in which that loss becomes almost, bizarrely, incidental.
But I trust my parents’ recommendations and both said that Mummydaddy was worth a read, so read it I did. In fact, I read it in less than three days – it’s not a long or difficult read. It’s also surprisingly uplifting.
Mummydaddy is written by Jeremy Howe, some twenty years after the random and brutal murder of his academic wife in York, where she was lecturing at a summer school. It is of course the story of Jeremy learning to live without his wife, but more than that it is the story of him learning to be a single parent to two girls – aged only four and six when they lost their mum. What I liked about Jeremy’s story is that he does not dwell on the gory details (as those writers that I think cater to more voyeuristic readers do) – sections of the book that refer to the murder and the trial are predominantly matter-of-fact narratives. The focus, and the emotional pull, of the story is Jeremy’s evolving relationship with his daughters. There are some heartwrenching moments, but there are just as many heartwarming moments, and even some funny ones.
It is also organised only loosely chronologically, and in part thematically. I think this helps keep it from being too heavygoing – this is not Jeremy’s account of how he found his way out of grief (although he does reference his journey through the various stages of grief). Some reviewers on Amazon express disappointment or annoyance that Jeremy doesn’t mention anything about subsequent relationships until the final few pages; they feel cheated, that knowing whether he was alone or with somebody at various points in the memoir would have changed how they responded to it. For me, those people have missed the point. This isn’t Jeremy’s story, it’s Daddy’s story and it’s Jessica and Lucy’s story. It’s about his relationship to them, and their relationship to each other – not his relationship to girlfriends. It’s not even about his relationship to Lizzie, not really. I think it’s quite an achievement that Jeremy Howe has written a book that begins with the devastating loss of his wife, in which that loss becomes almost, bizarrely, incidental.
September 26, 2023
Jeremy Howe hatte ein ganz normales Leben, bis im Sommer 1992 mitten in der Nacht die Polizei an seine Tür klopfte und ihm mitteilte, dass seine Frau Lizzie ermordet wurde.
Als Jeremy vom Tod seiner Frau erfährt, ist er natürlich schockiert. Aber er tut auch etwas, was ich bemerkenswert finde. Er verlässt sein Haus, macht einen Spaziergang und legt in diesen dreißig Minuten den Plan für sein weiteres Leben fest: er wird immer für seine Töchter da sein und egal was kommt, er wird diesen Job gut machen. Auch wenn die folgenden Tage zeigen, wie schwer das ihm letztendlich fällt, glaube ich doch, dass dieser Plan ihm geholfen hat. Er war der rote Faden, an dem Jeremy sich durch sein weiteres Leben gehangelt hat. Das Buch erzählt, wie das Leben weitergeht, wenn es weitergehen muss. Der Name kommt von einem Bild, das die Tochter von Jeremy gemalt hat. Darauf war er mit einem Kopf, aber zwei Körpern zu sehen, weil er jetzt Mutter und Vater gleichzeitig sein muss.
Manchmal wirkt es, als ob das Leben fast zu leicht weiter geht. Aber so ist es nicht. Es gibt viele Dinge, um die sich Jeremy Sorgen machen muss. Zum Glück ist seine Stelle sicher, seine Vorgesetzten und Kollegen haben viel Verständnis für ihn. Aber es gibt die großen Brocken wie Geld und Babysitter oder auch Kleinigkeiten. Wie geht man zum Beispiel als Mann mit zwei kleinen Mädchen auf eine öffentliche Toilette?
Seine beiden Töchter scheinen die Situation besser wegzustecken als er. Aber trotzdem merkt man auch ihnen die Trauer an. Manchmal können das Außenstehende besser als Jeremy, der sie täglich sieht. Ob da noch etwas auf ihn zukommt?
Jeremy sagt über seine Erziehung, dass sie nicht so war, wie er und seine Frau es geplant hatten. Zum größten Teil haben sich die Mädchen selbst erzogen, wie seine ältere Tochter meint, als er mit ihr über das Buch spricht. Die Mädchen mussten schnell selbständig werden, das tut ihm heute noch leid. Auf der anderen Seite waren sie auch sehr mutig: sie sind auf die höchsten Bäume geklettert, konnten früh Fahrrad fahren und haben vieles unternommen, was andere Eltern ihnen wahrscheinlich verboten hätten, weil es viel zu gefährlich war. Nur eines konnten sie zu seinem großen Leidwesen nicht: sie konnten nie Fußball spielen.
Auch wenn mir das Buch sehr gut gefallen hat, finde ich doch, dass es im letzten Drittel deutlich schwächer ist. Das kann aber auch daran liegen, dass sich zu dieser Zeit die Routine einstellt und die ist natürlich nicht mehr so aufreibend wie am Anfang.
Als Jeremy vom Tod seiner Frau erfährt, ist er natürlich schockiert. Aber er tut auch etwas, was ich bemerkenswert finde. Er verlässt sein Haus, macht einen Spaziergang und legt in diesen dreißig Minuten den Plan für sein weiteres Leben fest: er wird immer für seine Töchter da sein und egal was kommt, er wird diesen Job gut machen. Auch wenn die folgenden Tage zeigen, wie schwer das ihm letztendlich fällt, glaube ich doch, dass dieser Plan ihm geholfen hat. Er war der rote Faden, an dem Jeremy sich durch sein weiteres Leben gehangelt hat. Das Buch erzählt, wie das Leben weitergeht, wenn es weitergehen muss. Der Name kommt von einem Bild, das die Tochter von Jeremy gemalt hat. Darauf war er mit einem Kopf, aber zwei Körpern zu sehen, weil er jetzt Mutter und Vater gleichzeitig sein muss.
Manchmal wirkt es, als ob das Leben fast zu leicht weiter geht. Aber so ist es nicht. Es gibt viele Dinge, um die sich Jeremy Sorgen machen muss. Zum Glück ist seine Stelle sicher, seine Vorgesetzten und Kollegen haben viel Verständnis für ihn. Aber es gibt die großen Brocken wie Geld und Babysitter oder auch Kleinigkeiten. Wie geht man zum Beispiel als Mann mit zwei kleinen Mädchen auf eine öffentliche Toilette?
Seine beiden Töchter scheinen die Situation besser wegzustecken als er. Aber trotzdem merkt man auch ihnen die Trauer an. Manchmal können das Außenstehende besser als Jeremy, der sie täglich sieht. Ob da noch etwas auf ihn zukommt?
Jeremy sagt über seine Erziehung, dass sie nicht so war, wie er und seine Frau es geplant hatten. Zum größten Teil haben sich die Mädchen selbst erzogen, wie seine ältere Tochter meint, als er mit ihr über das Buch spricht. Die Mädchen mussten schnell selbständig werden, das tut ihm heute noch leid. Auf der anderen Seite waren sie auch sehr mutig: sie sind auf die höchsten Bäume geklettert, konnten früh Fahrrad fahren und haben vieles unternommen, was andere Eltern ihnen wahrscheinlich verboten hätten, weil es viel zu gefährlich war. Nur eines konnten sie zu seinem großen Leidwesen nicht: sie konnten nie Fußball spielen.
Auch wenn mir das Buch sehr gut gefallen hat, finde ich doch, dass es im letzten Drittel deutlich schwächer ist. Das kann aber auch daran liegen, dass sich zu dieser Zeit die Routine einstellt und die ist natürlich nicht mehr so aufreibend wie am Anfang.
April 21, 2012
I bought this purely for the Open University connection. I was a tutor for the OU at the time this horrible, random murder occurred; it sent a shock through the whole community.
It is a very moving book; Jeremy Howe communicates his overwhelming grief and his simultaneous struggle to give his two daughters a reasonably normal life. You can't help wondering how you would cope when a normal life is suddenly turned horribly upside down.
There are a few reasons I can't give it more than three stars: first, I find him a bit self-centred. OK, it's a book about his own experience and emotions, but as one reviewer here mentions, he seems to have little empathy for Lizzie's family -- for whatever reason, maybe to do with inheritance issues. I also got a bit tired of his frequent trumpeting of his inability to do housework, shopping or cooking, with the not-so-subtle implication that it's women's work, and being an important man he should not be required to stoop to it. His late wife had a career too, which she had to juggle with childcare and housework -- apparently uncomplainingly. He was "lucky" (how can anyone be lucky in this unbearable situation?) to have a well-paid job, a sympathetic employer who gave him a lot of time off, a nanny, and a large group of friends and neighbours to help him out. I can't help wondering how some of those people feel about how they are portrayed in this book!
Finally, I do wonder what suddenly provoked him to write about these events 20 years later. For the last ten years, he's been happily remarried. He has achieved some kind of closure, his daughters are now successful adults, so why dig it all up again?
It is a very moving book; Jeremy Howe communicates his overwhelming grief and his simultaneous struggle to give his two daughters a reasonably normal life. You can't help wondering how you would cope when a normal life is suddenly turned horribly upside down.
There are a few reasons I can't give it more than three stars: first, I find him a bit self-centred. OK, it's a book about his own experience and emotions, but as one reviewer here mentions, he seems to have little empathy for Lizzie's family -- for whatever reason, maybe to do with inheritance issues. I also got a bit tired of his frequent trumpeting of his inability to do housework, shopping or cooking, with the not-so-subtle implication that it's women's work, and being an important man he should not be required to stoop to it. His late wife had a career too, which she had to juggle with childcare and housework -- apparently uncomplainingly. He was "lucky" (how can anyone be lucky in this unbearable situation?) to have a well-paid job, a sympathetic employer who gave him a lot of time off, a nanny, and a large group of friends and neighbours to help him out. I can't help wondering how some of those people feel about how they are portrayed in this book!
Finally, I do wonder what suddenly provoked him to write about these events 20 years later. For the last ten years, he's been happily remarried. He has achieved some kind of closure, his daughters are now successful adults, so why dig it all up again?
May 3, 2018
an awful tragedy befalls an everyday family the mother is brutally murdered by a random attacker who is high on drugs and drink at a university summer school. this book not only gives details of how the family coped with the murder but also how jeremy brought up his girls juggling work and parenting it is a very touching story which shows the difficult decisions that had to be made and how he coped also how he moved on well worth reading
May 18, 2018
Beautifully honest and open. At times I forgot it was fact not fiction.
May 14, 2020
Simplesmente me apaixonei por Jeremy Howe. E Lizzie tem meu coração.
June 28, 2022
An old book I’m just adding now lol.
September 3, 2024
Tragic book such a lovely family and the struggles of being a single dad
April 5, 2012
I wondered why there was so little sympathy for his wife's family in the book. Although he was obviously grief stricken, he's gone on to have a very good second marriage and has two lovely kids. Can't help thinking her mother and father, and the rest of her family who had known and loved her so much longer than he had, got little mention, and even less sympathy, even though they presumably wouldn't be able to move on as he has. Felt particularly sorry for her mum. Also for his current wife who must have wondered why he felt it necessary to revisit such a painful issue 20 years after it happened. Spoiled the authentic feeling of the book and made me feel less sympathetic towards the writer.
August 13, 2012
Read this book after listening to a review on Radio 2. To say I enjoyed the book would be the wrong word. Jeremy Howe with his twi daughters waves his wife off at the station as she goes to lecture at summer school. This is last time he sees her as she is murdered. This book deals with the aftermath of such a senseless murder and the loss of a mother and wife. It was thought provoking and made me realise what a sad world we live in at times.
March 22, 2012
This is a heart rending story of the terrible attack on Elizabeth Howe resulting in her death at an Open University summer school in York. It brought it home to me, having attended that very course a couple of years before in the same place.
All credit to Jeremy Howe for his care of the two small children and my very best wishes for his happiness in the future.
All credit to Jeremy Howe for his care of the two small children and my very best wishes for his happiness in the future.
November 10, 2015
I thoroughly enjoyed this book, particularly description of girls' personalities. I found it difficult to put down and having lost a loved one in very tragic circumstances, I found the author's description of the stages of grief very true and helpful to anyone at any of the stages. Would recommend
April 6, 2012
I quite enjoyed this. It was really sad, and it made me Google quite a bit about Elizabeth and Jeremy. I admit I cried a bit near the end too.
I think Jeremy has done brilliantly raising his 2 girls, and I wish him and his family a wonderful future.
Dee x
I think Jeremy has done brilliantly raising his 2 girls, and I wish him and his family a wonderful future.
Dee x
April 5, 2012
I bought this book after listening to Jeremy Howe on Radio 2 talking about the senseless murder of his wife whilst away at an OU summer school and how he coped bringing up his two girls on his own. An honest and very moving story which I enjoyed reading - I couldn't put it down!
June 9, 2013
Easy read, which kept me interested. Makes you think about how you'd cope if a similar tragedy was to strike.
A few irritations that keep it from being a recommendation. But given I'm struggling to finish a book just now, there's something compelling enough to keep you reading
A few irritations that keep it from being a recommendation. But given I'm struggling to finish a book just now, there's something compelling enough to keep you reading
May 8, 2016
This is an amazing memoir, full of hurt, sorrow and hope. Jeremy Howe has shared a tragedy with us an shown how you can choose to swim instead of drowning. It is inspirational. I can't wait to share my copy with friends. They too will cry, but never stop reading.
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March 29, 2012Amazing heart felt book - how sad that one sensless act can change peoples lives - amazing man and wonderful kids
May 17, 2012
True life story of how one man carried on with life after his wife was murdered.
July 31, 2012
A really good read a little sad at times but still good
January 14, 2013
At points it is slightly self indulgent but overall an honest account of how someone copes with unimaginable tragedy.
October 8, 2013
A very heart-breaking true story. Did feel though as I got further into the book that he sounded a bit conceited. Just my view!
August 19, 2013
Quite harrowing but in the end I couldn't help thinking he was making money out of an horrific family tragedy.
March 7, 2014
This was okay. Really heartfelt and sad. i really felt for
Jeremy and his daughters. He did an amazing job taking on the Mummydaddy role so hats off to him for that.
Jeremy and his daughters. He did an amazing job taking on the Mummydaddy role so hats off to him for that.
April 5, 2014
Moving book about an awful situation and how the author coped and the mix of emotions felt.
June 3, 2014
An amazing book about a man that discovers his wife has been murdered & how he copes bringing up his two girls on his own. A moving story that I would recommend. It made me cry a few times.
May 31, 2014
Couldn't imagine the life without your love one just like Jeremy's.
Definitely a heart-wrecking story and glad it has a happy ending =)
Definitely a heart-wrecking story and glad it has a happy ending =)
March 12, 2015
Very honest. Well written.
June 26, 2016
Heartwarming story of how life goes on after the death of a loved one. Beautiful.
October 2, 2012
oddly beautiful.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews