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Goodnight Dear: The Unsentimental Diary Of A Bereaved Husband
Maïté Humphries-Farge died on January 14th 2011, quite suddenly and without warning.She was not targeted by a serial killer or the victim of some vampire boyfriend's nemesis because this was not fiction. This was merely the kind of day-to-day family tragedy that barely makes the local news.This is the story of the first year after Maïté's death, as told in diary entries made by her husband, recounted in the hope that anyone involved in a committed relationship who reads it might think to find out where the insurance policy is, decide to take out that funeral plan or simply ask themselves what they would do if it happened to them.Because it happens to someone every day.(Any author royalties made from the sale of this ebook will be donated to bereavement counselling charities)
250 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 26, 2012
14 people are currently reading
190 people want to read
About the author
Darren Humphries
48 books65 followersI am English and recently bade a fond farewell to my forties. I have been writing stories since school when I won a parker pen for being shortlisted in a national schools writing competition.
My particular genre of choice wanders around all over the place, but has mainly settled into humorous fantasy and science fiction (or at least I think they're humorous and some people who have kindly left reviews seem to agree).
During any spare time (of which there isn't much since I'm recently widowed and dealing with two children) I edit a website focussed on science fiction television at www.scififreaksite.com and a similar blog on the side.
I then try to cram in a few books on my kindle to read.
My particular genre of choice wanders around all over the place, but has mainly settled into humorous fantasy and science fiction (or at least I think they're humorous and some people who have kindly left reviews seem to agree).
During any spare time (of which there isn't much since I'm recently widowed and dealing with two children) I edit a website focussed on science fiction television at www.scififreaksite.com and a similar blog on the side.
I then try to cram in a few books on my kindle to read.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 53 reviews
September 12, 2016
A tribute to a woman who picked the father for her children well
This was a difficult book to read, but I'm glad I did. There is no way to make the year after the death of a beloved wife easy, and there is so very much to do when you've been left with two small children. This diary was a tribute to both the husband who suddenly had to be both parents, and the wife and mother of his children who had made them such a happy family. Mr. Humphries tries to make it all about her, and the children, and tells us so much about himself in the process. His clear, lucid writing keeps precisely to the line between over-sentimentality and lack of feeling, which makes it that much harder to read - and that much better. A compelling read.
Comment
This was a difficult book to read, but I'm glad I did. There is no way to make the year after the death of a beloved wife easy, and there is so very much to do when you've been left with two small children. This diary was a tribute to both the husband who suddenly had to be both parents, and the wife and mother of his children who had made them such a happy family. Mr. Humphries tries to make it all about her, and the children, and tells us so much about himself in the process. His clear, lucid writing keeps precisely to the line between over-sentimentality and lack of feeling, which makes it that much harder to read - and that much better. A compelling read.
Comment
March 26, 2012
How can you do anything as trivial as award stars to the true story of a family's loss of a young, talented wife and mother? This is, as the title states, an unsentimental, very factual account of a sudden death and the way it devastated the lives of author Darren Humphries and his two young children. Ambulance and Police log details are interspersed with accounts of how thoughtful friends brought milk and teabags, the details of putting up relatives from far away, the potential over-running of funeral services. All this is interlaced with some beautiful kind words from friends which really spotlight the 'Golden Girl' they all knew.
Death is something we all face but the sudden, unexpected death of a young person is the nightmare we all fear. Darren Humphries has faced it and tells us his story. His concerns now are obviously for his children. I hope that the telling of his story has helped him as it will surely help all who read it.
This book should be considered essential reading.
Death is something we all face but the sudden, unexpected death of a young person is the nightmare we all fear. Darren Humphries has faced it and tells us his story. His concerns now are obviously for his children. I hope that the telling of his story has helped him as it will surely help all who read it.
This book should be considered essential reading.
April 10, 2012
I wish I didn't have to write this review, in fact I wish this book didn't exist. The idea that something so terrible could happen to someone so obviously loved broke my heart but then we can't turn back time and this book is a perfect example of how life certainly does go on after a tragedy.
Darren Humphries is a very brave man and from reading this book, obviously an amazing husband and father. I have no doubt that they will need more than a one man tent for his wake as he is have more love than he thinks.
This book is a perfect combination of help, realisation and charm. The kind words from Maïté's friends helped make her so real to me and I cried with them every step of the way. From the major things you associate with people dying to the simple things you never even thought about before and even the most bizarre, it is all very real in this book.
I have no doubt your two children will grow up proud of what an amazing man you are, and you shouldn't worry so much about them. One day I hope they find, read and love this book as much as I did and appreciate how much you have done for them.
I'd like to point out one thing though. Although Darren makes a fair point that on line conversations and socialising may not be 'real' in a sense, know they matter all the same. We'll always be here for you, Darren, make no mistake of that.
Darren Humphries is a very brave man and from reading this book, obviously an amazing husband and father. I have no doubt that they will need more than a one man tent for his wake as he is have more love than he thinks.
This book is a perfect combination of help, realisation and charm. The kind words from Maïté's friends helped make her so real to me and I cried with them every step of the way. From the major things you associate with people dying to the simple things you never even thought about before and even the most bizarre, it is all very real in this book.
I have no doubt your two children will grow up proud of what an amazing man you are, and you shouldn't worry so much about them. One day I hope they find, read and love this book as much as I did and appreciate how much you have done for them.
I'd like to point out one thing though. Although Darren makes a fair point that on line conversations and socialising may not be 'real' in a sense, know they matter all the same. We'll always be here for you, Darren, make no mistake of that.
December 20, 2016
We all pretty much expect that one partner from a marriage/relationship will die before the other, but what we don't expect is that it will happen suddenly, or at such a young age as it happened to Darren! I'm 65 now, so I've dealt with family deaths (both of my own family members and my in-laws), many times and so have learned that life does indeed go on. None of the deaths that I've experienced, however, has led to a complete alteration of day to day life. Sure, I've had to deal with the practicalities of sorting out bank accounts and house closures, but not, thank goodness, of being left to bring up 2 kids on my own and hold down a job at the same time. Hats off to you Darren for sharing this part of your life with us - the reading public!
March 28, 2012
I do not tend to write reviews of books, but this one made me do it.
The humour and sarcasm used by the author is pitched right at my level. It’s wonderful to read and beautifully appropriate. I really felt as if I clicked with this man; I got him. That is an incredible feat for any author to achieve with their reader. In one line I would be sniffling, and on the next I’d be laughing aloud. I don’t know if other nationalities would find this to be a very typically ‘British’ approach, but I felt right at home with his account.
And, contrary to the title, the account he provides is not the least bit unsentimental. I found it to be incredibly charged. The affection which he felt (and still feels) for his wife is palpable, and told wonderfully by including all the realities of niggles and annoyances that any relationship brings.
Apart from the importance of biscuits, tea and bog roll, I learned from this book that as horrible as death is, it’s a very natural thing that humans are very capable of dealing with. There is a future; there is hope. Life insurance that covers the cost of your funeral is important. What’s more, words like “I cannot imagine what you’re going through” are pointless. I get the impression that people frequently treat widowers as they do those with disabilities – afraid to speak to them or say anything that could possibly be misconstrued.
And Darren, if your book is anything to go by, I doubt very much that your wake will be one guy in a tent!
This book should be read by anyone who has yet to deal with death (though not their own, presumably).
My favourite quote: “Being British, the idea that either I or my kids are bothering someone else is equivalent to being hung upside down on a rack with my fingernails torn out, all whilst being forced to listen to Cliff Richard’s Greatest Hits."
The humour and sarcasm used by the author is pitched right at my level. It’s wonderful to read and beautifully appropriate. I really felt as if I clicked with this man; I got him. That is an incredible feat for any author to achieve with their reader. In one line I would be sniffling, and on the next I’d be laughing aloud. I don’t know if other nationalities would find this to be a very typically ‘British’ approach, but I felt right at home with his account.
And, contrary to the title, the account he provides is not the least bit unsentimental. I found it to be incredibly charged. The affection which he felt (and still feels) for his wife is palpable, and told wonderfully by including all the realities of niggles and annoyances that any relationship brings.
Apart from the importance of biscuits, tea and bog roll, I learned from this book that as horrible as death is, it’s a very natural thing that humans are very capable of dealing with. There is a future; there is hope. Life insurance that covers the cost of your funeral is important. What’s more, words like “I cannot imagine what you’re going through” are pointless. I get the impression that people frequently treat widowers as they do those with disabilities – afraid to speak to them or say anything that could possibly be misconstrued.
And Darren, if your book is anything to go by, I doubt very much that your wake will be one guy in a tent!
This book should be read by anyone who has yet to deal with death (though not their own, presumably).
My favourite quote: “Being British, the idea that either I or my kids are bothering someone else is equivalent to being hung upside down on a rack with my fingernails torn out, all whilst being forced to listen to Cliff Richard’s Greatest Hits."
March 30, 2012
It is certainly difficult to put in words what the reader feels when reading this book.
I hear very often that tastes are so different from person to person that it's hard to find a book that everyone would agree upon as a "memorable book". I don't mean everyone will love this book, but I am sure that everyone will be affected by the diary. We all have or will lose someone we love.
Maite was very much a rare and precious flower that faded too suddenly. The diary may be unsentimental, but this still comes across every page. This in turn reminds us how love is so important in our lives, and how losing a loved one can be so devastating.
But on the other side, there is so much hope coming out of this diary. The journey that Darren, Tony, and Sarah Jane are going through with such courage is totally inspirational.
There is practical information which will definitely help anyone who has to deal with the same tragedy, but there is also a message telling you that we are all strong, and life can still go on, and that there will still be some happy moments, even if things will never be the same and we can't help wonder what things would have been like otherwise.
Darren, thank you.
I hear very often that tastes are so different from person to person that it's hard to find a book that everyone would agree upon as a "memorable book". I don't mean everyone will love this book, but I am sure that everyone will be affected by the diary. We all have or will lose someone we love.
Maite was very much a rare and precious flower that faded too suddenly. The diary may be unsentimental, but this still comes across every page. This in turn reminds us how love is so important in our lives, and how losing a loved one can be so devastating.
But on the other side, there is so much hope coming out of this diary. The journey that Darren, Tony, and Sarah Jane are going through with such courage is totally inspirational.
There is practical information which will definitely help anyone who has to deal with the same tragedy, but there is also a message telling you that we are all strong, and life can still go on, and that there will still be some happy moments, even if things will never be the same and we can't help wonder what things would have been like otherwise.
Darren, thank you.
March 26, 2012
Darren's usual genre is surreal sci-fi parallel universe type of thing, full of humour and madness. I have read 2 of his books and they make me smile and giggle. This one made my sob my eyes out.
The simple summary for this book is that it's his diary of his life after his wife died suddenly and unexpectedly at a heartbreakingly early 39 years old, leaving him with his two children, an 8 year old boy and 16 month old girl.
This is no heartstrings pulled sentimental tale. It's just life as Darren came to know it. Yes, I cried my eyes out at points, but I'm like that at sad scenes on the telly. It's not really a how-to book on how to cope either.
People on the forums have been saying "I can't read it, I'll cry". Well I say "just read it and cry" Set aside some "me time", tell your family that you are going to look ugly for a bit with blotched cheeks and puffy eyes and get on with it. It's not a mammoth read, but is well worth reading, even if all you get out of it is an appointment to sort out your will or life insurance.
We all die, we all leave someone behind. If you die first, how will your family cope? If your family dies first, how will you cope? Read this book and see how Darren coped. It may help you in the future.
But don't think this book is all sadness and tears. There are happy moments and Darren is a fantastic writer who has invited you along his personal journey.
The simple summary for this book is that it's his diary of his life after his wife died suddenly and unexpectedly at a heartbreakingly early 39 years old, leaving him with his two children, an 8 year old boy and 16 month old girl.
This is no heartstrings pulled sentimental tale. It's just life as Darren came to know it. Yes, I cried my eyes out at points, but I'm like that at sad scenes on the telly. It's not really a how-to book on how to cope either.
People on the forums have been saying "I can't read it, I'll cry". Well I say "just read it and cry" Set aside some "me time", tell your family that you are going to look ugly for a bit with blotched cheeks and puffy eyes and get on with it. It's not a mammoth read, but is well worth reading, even if all you get out of it is an appointment to sort out your will or life insurance.
We all die, we all leave someone behind. If you die first, how will your family cope? If your family dies first, how will you cope? Read this book and see how Darren coped. It may help you in the future.
But don't think this book is all sadness and tears. There are happy moments and Darren is a fantastic writer who has invited you along his personal journey.
November 24, 2021
This was just okay. I am sorry the man’s wife and the mother of his children passed away. It almost seemed like the book was more about all the red tape and hoops he had to jump through with the British government to get things financially done.
I will say that it does make one more aware of things (mentally, physically and financially) one must go through when a spouse dies. The title was very correct in that this is unsentimental.
I will say that it does make one more aware of things (mentally, physically and financially) one must go through when a spouse dies. The title was very correct in that this is unsentimental.
March 31, 2012
A beautifully written story about a most horrible event. It is such a shame that anyone has to go through an ordeal such as losing a partner or a parent especially while still so young. Darren, you have done a wonderful job with this story, your love for Maite and your children and her love for life and everyone in it are so plain to read. It was just beautiful and brought many tears to my eyes (and indeed coursing down my cheeks).
You hope to raise awareness of the practical side of losing a loved one and I can only commend you for what you have done. My sister-in-law lost her husband in her 20's and so my husband has always been very conscious of keeping me informed of changes to his will and any financial commitments we have just in case. Things we would not have thought of if it wasn't for the unfortunate experience. I think you have done an amazing and very brave thing in writing this story and I think you will help many people handle with this situation be it only that they are aware that they can receive reduced council tax.
I wish you and your children all the best for the future.
You hope to raise awareness of the practical side of losing a loved one and I can only commend you for what you have done. My sister-in-law lost her husband in her 20's and so my husband has always been very conscious of keeping me informed of changes to his will and any financial commitments we have just in case. Things we would not have thought of if it wasn't for the unfortunate experience. I think you have done an amazing and very brave thing in writing this story and I think you will help many people handle with this situation be it only that they are aware that they can receive reduced council tax.
I wish you and your children all the best for the future.
April 3, 2012
I've been struggling over reviewing this book for days. Simply because I don't think I have the words to do it the justice it deserves.
This is exactly the kind of book I would normally avoid reading. I am one of these types that likes to try to pretend to herself that by avoiding reading about issues like these means that I will never have to deal with it. Rediculous of course.
A few years ago my mother tried to sit me down and tell me in a practical way where I could find everything (insurance documents etc) in the house were anything to happen to her or my dad. I had a childish reaction to it and refused to have the conversation. Like if I could avoid talking about it then it wouldn't happen. After reading Darren's book though I have a better understanding about the importance of this stuff and have spoken to my mother about us having that important discussion soon. I want to thank Darren for having the courage to write this book and for giving me the courage to think about sorting this stuff out with my parents.
This is exactly the kind of book I would normally avoid reading. I am one of these types that likes to try to pretend to herself that by avoiding reading about issues like these means that I will never have to deal with it. Rediculous of course.
A few years ago my mother tried to sit me down and tell me in a practical way where I could find everything (insurance documents etc) in the house were anything to happen to her or my dad. I had a childish reaction to it and refused to have the conversation. Like if I could avoid talking about it then it wouldn't happen. After reading Darren's book though I have a better understanding about the importance of this stuff and have spoken to my mother about us having that important discussion soon. I want to thank Darren for having the courage to write this book and for giving me the courage to think about sorting this stuff out with my parents.
January 10, 2013
I found this a very interesting read, written by a man whose wife dies unexpectedly at a very young age, leaving him with an 8-year-old boy and 16-month-old daughter. As the title suggests, it is unsentimental, even at times quite funny in a rather dark way. There is nothing maudlin about this book, despite its tragic subject, nor any trace of self-pity from the author. He charts the year following his wife’s death, the mountains of paperwork he faces with insurance company, bank, building society and the Inland Revenue, the lengthy medical investigations, coroners and inquests, and the practical difficulties of holding down a job and being a single parent to two small children. He discusses his feelings openly, the times when he’s reduced to tears, and his questions about the future – for example, how soon is it acceptable for a bereaved partner begin to think about dating again? Very thought-provoking. One thinks of the pain and loneliness of losing a loved one, but here the author gets down to the nitty-gritty practicalities.
March 30, 2012
I have read this book in a time of bereavement for my family (not anything like Darrens situation, but one of loss all the same) and I have found it probably one of the most uplifting and thought provoking books I have ever read. Yes, it is heart wrenching in places, requiring lots of tissues and the occasional break from reading. But it is so much more than a story of grief and tragedy. It is an inspiring story of love and about how to move on should the unthinkable happen.
Darren is an inspiration and Tony and Sarah Jane are very lucky to have him as their Dad.
I hope that this book does exactly as Darren intends and makes people think about the future, it certainly has done that for me.
Darren is an inspiration and Tony and Sarah Jane are very lucky to have him as their Dad.
I hope that this book does exactly as Darren intends and makes people think about the future, it certainly has done that for me.
March 26, 2012
Darren Humphries' recounting of the events following his beloved wife's early and unexpected death is deeply moving. Darren's bravery in sharing his experiences is monumental but if it helps even one person to cope with the unthinkable it will be worth his efforts.
You are an amazing guy, Darren.
You are an amazing guy, Darren.
April 3, 2012
How do you rate a book that is based upon the death of a loved one? I've given it 5* because the strength and courage to write about such a personal tradgedy, and to do it so well, is very much deserving of it. This book made me cry, it made me smile, it made me wish I had the kind of relationship Darren and his wife Maite had. A well recommended read.
April 3, 2012
A heart warming diary of the first year after the sudden death of a beloved wife and mother. The trials of dealing with banks, government officials, and grieving relatives and all while looking after an 8 year old and a toddler, as well as working and finding childcare.
August 8, 2023
I applaud the author for writing this book. He expressed his most vulnerable side after a terrible tragedy. I also liked the way he included kind notes that he had received. I hope his life has settled down into the daily living that needs to happen after losing a loved one.
April 17, 2013
I enjoyed this book, journal entries describing what life was like for the author, who lost his wife quite suddenly and unexpected at 39. With caring for an 8 year old boy and 1 1/2 year old daughter, he discovers a new respect for single parents. The author also discovers the value of his friendships, as his wife's friends, parents, and child-minder across the street often came to the rescue when life gets too complicated. Living in the United States, it was interesting to read about the details involved in that country. As he describes a relatively quick insurance settlement, child allowances, and other tedious details that must be worked out, it seems that the socialist system (that we americans seem to hate so much) works pretty well. It seems the more capitalist systems (represented by the banking industries) are the ones that are less sensitive to his needs and cause the most trouble as he tries to submit the correct forms, etc. I think we can all identity with people on the other end of the phone who don't seem to know what they are talking about, being put on hold for long periods of time, being given endless forms that need to be filled out many times for many departments, many of which get lost. I enjoyed his quiet sense of humor, making jokes to others that they didn't often get--trying not to let things get too personal. It was touching when he described situations in which his emotions seemed to come out of nowhere to overwhelm him with sadness. Again, from an American point of view, I found the differences in vocabulary very interesting and even endearing--I figured out that the child-minder is what we call a babysitter. This is a book that I will remember to recommend to friends or colleagues who are working through that transition phase after they lose a spouse. It is simple, down to earth, and hopeful.
December 16, 2015
This is subtitled The Unsentimental Diary of a Bereaved Husband and it is that. It made me laugh AND made me cry. Darren kept this diary for the first year since his wife died very suddenly and unexpectedly and described how he found her to the inquest, the redtape involved when someone dies relatively young and no will has been made, how he copes (or doesn't at times) with being a single parent and how those around him help (or don't).
Interspersed between days in the diary are sentiments left by friends or family in his wife's memory and they were nice to read and a good idea to have included them.
You feel a bit like you're intruding on such a very personal experience, though.
It also details how some were pretty unsympathetic, like the school his son attended whereas others you'd not expect to be helpful like the mortgage company were really understanding and even waived early settlement fees. The life insurance company were the worst-they managed to dick him around for weeks and weeks and then left him a crass voicemail eventually to let him know his claim was "successful" !! As he stated, it wasn't like the death of his wife constituted a success in any shape or form !! The childrens' child-minder turned out to be a godsend to this little family too.
He also even includes a checklist of here of what to plan for and what to expect so others finding themselves in the same shocking and awful scenario might at least have a clue to what they need to take care of.
Well worth a read. A thought-provoking book on an event that could happen to any of us.......he's a sensible guy and I'm sure he'll do a bloody good job bringing up the two kids alone too. I wish him luck.
Interspersed between days in the diary are sentiments left by friends or family in his wife's memory and they were nice to read and a good idea to have included them.
You feel a bit like you're intruding on such a very personal experience, though.
It also details how some were pretty unsympathetic, like the school his son attended whereas others you'd not expect to be helpful like the mortgage company were really understanding and even waived early settlement fees. The life insurance company were the worst-they managed to dick him around for weeks and weeks and then left him a crass voicemail eventually to let him know his claim was "successful" !! As he stated, it wasn't like the death of his wife constituted a success in any shape or form !! The childrens' child-minder turned out to be a godsend to this little family too.
He also even includes a checklist of here of what to plan for and what to expect so others finding themselves in the same shocking and awful scenario might at least have a clue to what they need to take care of.
Well worth a read. A thought-provoking book on an event that could happen to any of us.......he's a sensible guy and I'm sure he'll do a bloody good job bringing up the two kids alone too. I wish him luck.
July 22, 2012
I don't know that I have EVER read a more mean-spirited, malicious account of a "beloved wife's" death than as written by this unappreciative, inconsiderate, arrogant and downright narcissistic man. His poor wife, may she rest in peace and never know the selfish, self-serving, jackass the world has come to know through this "Diary".
He brings up her flaws and the things that made it "hard to be with her." He criticizes her shopping, her housekeeping, her maddening habit of "taking too many photographs."
He speaks of how he cannot sleep in the bed he once shared with his beloved because a "corpse had been cooling on it for some twelve hours." He speaks of removing the things that meant a great deal to hear but "nothing to me" as though he was the only one suffering her loss and managed to virtually erase her from the home that her children still occupied. He bitched that the poor woman's father, bereft at losing his only daughter, took too long to piss due to his enlarged prostate, thereby delaying the funeral ceremony. there was nothing in the process that he didn't complain about as far as the detrimental effect on him went---never mind her truly beloved friends and family who loved her--faults and all. The positive reviews of this horrid account astound me.
This book enraged me, and this author is the most despicable i have ever read. I'd give it a zero star if i could.
He brings up her flaws and the things that made it "hard to be with her." He criticizes her shopping, her housekeeping, her maddening habit of "taking too many photographs."
He speaks of how he cannot sleep in the bed he once shared with his beloved because a "corpse had been cooling on it for some twelve hours." He speaks of removing the things that meant a great deal to hear but "nothing to me" as though he was the only one suffering her loss and managed to virtually erase her from the home that her children still occupied. He bitched that the poor woman's father, bereft at losing his only daughter, took too long to piss due to his enlarged prostate, thereby delaying the funeral ceremony. there was nothing in the process that he didn't complain about as far as the detrimental effect on him went---never mind her truly beloved friends and family who loved her--faults and all. The positive reviews of this horrid account astound me.
This book enraged me, and this author is the most despicable i have ever read. I'd give it a zero star if i could.
September 25, 2016
This is a memorable book. I read it several years ago and I've thought and talked about it many times since. It's a beautifully written, heartfelt story of the shocking, sudden, unexpected death of a young wife and mother and the effects on the lives of her surviving family as they try to pick up the pieces and move on.
It is not a "weeper" but an intimate account of the realities of death and life-after-death for the survivors. It makes the reader examine his feelings about family, marriage, and parenting. When the author's sister had to return to her own family, I was surprised that she didn't offer to take the baby with her.
Then I was shocked to realize that I would never have such a reaction if the father died and the young mother was left with several children. Both the author and his wife were employed outside the home and he was certainly a "co-parent" in every sense of the word. My only excuse is that I come from a time when fathers worked and mothers were the primary (or sole) care-givers of children.
Even today, most family financial planning assumes that the husband will outlive the wife. What if it doesn't work out that way?
I don't think any intelligent person can read this book without being deeply moved. It brings home the fragility of life, which is a good thing for us all to remember.
It is not a "weeper" but an intimate account of the realities of death and life-after-death for the survivors. It makes the reader examine his feelings about family, marriage, and parenting. When the author's sister had to return to her own family, I was surprised that she didn't offer to take the baby with her.
Then I was shocked to realize that I would never have such a reaction if the father died and the young mother was left with several children. Both the author and his wife were employed outside the home and he was certainly a "co-parent" in every sense of the word. My only excuse is that I come from a time when fathers worked and mothers were the primary (or sole) care-givers of children.
Even today, most family financial planning assumes that the husband will outlive the wife. What if it doesn't work out that way?
I don't think any intelligent person can read this book without being deeply moved. It brings home the fragility of life, which is a good thing for us all to remember.
October 27, 2012
Maïté Humphries-Farge died on January 14th 2011, quite suddenly and without warning.
She was not targeted by a serial killer or the victim of some vampire boyfriend's nemesis because this was not fiction. This was merely the kind of day-to-day family tragedy that barely makes the local news.
This is the story of the first year after Maïté's death, as told in diary entries made by her husband, recounted in the hope that anyone involved in a committed relationship who reads it might think to find out where the insurance policy is, decide to take out that funeral plan or simply ask themselves what they would do if it happened to them.
Because it happens to someone every day.
(Any author royalties made from the sale of this ebook will be donated to bereavement counselling charities)
I really enjoyed reading this book - although the word "enjoyed" seems somewhat wrong considering the nature of the book.
It was as the title suggests an "unsentimental" account, but totally practical and makes you think - What the hell would I do, how the hell would I cope with such a tragedy!
Don't be put off by it being about a death though, it is the diary of a really lovely Dad, his two children and how they manage to cope with this situation.
Well told and a very good read!
She was not targeted by a serial killer or the victim of some vampire boyfriend's nemesis because this was not fiction. This was merely the kind of day-to-day family tragedy that barely makes the local news.
This is the story of the first year after Maïté's death, as told in diary entries made by her husband, recounted in the hope that anyone involved in a committed relationship who reads it might think to find out where the insurance policy is, decide to take out that funeral plan or simply ask themselves what they would do if it happened to them.
Because it happens to someone every day.
(Any author royalties made from the sale of this ebook will be donated to bereavement counselling charities)
I really enjoyed reading this book - although the word "enjoyed" seems somewhat wrong considering the nature of the book.
It was as the title suggests an "unsentimental" account, but totally practical and makes you think - What the hell would I do, how the hell would I cope with such a tragedy!
Don't be put off by it being about a death though, it is the diary of a really lovely Dad, his two children and how they manage to cope with this situation.
Well told and a very good read!
July 11, 2012
It took me a while to read this as I had to take breaks between reads because I felt pretty choked up reading this funny, sad and loving diary of a bereaved husband and father of two. I finished reading it in a little park in London before I came to work (one of those tiny patches of green they dot around the city so we don't go insane through being surrounded by so much concrete and dirt).
I think the author's honesty and humour are probably how he has survived and they draw the reader in. I didn't know Maite but I felt I came to know this sparkling woman a little and what made her so special through the experiences of husband over last year.
It definitely did made me think, as a relatively new wife, of the things we don't like to think about and that I will make sure that if I die first, that my husband will not have to worry about what my 'funeral' wishes are and that he will know he can manage financially.
Thank you Darren for sharing your story. I wish you, your son Tony and daughter Sarah joy in the years to come as you deserve.
I think the author's honesty and humour are probably how he has survived and they draw the reader in. I didn't know Maite but I felt I came to know this sparkling woman a little and what made her so special through the experiences of husband over last year.
It definitely did made me think, as a relatively new wife, of the things we don't like to think about and that I will make sure that if I die first, that my husband will not have to worry about what my 'funeral' wishes are and that he will know he can manage financially.
Thank you Darren for sharing your story. I wish you, your son Tony and daughter Sarah joy in the years to come as you deserve.
March 5, 2013
Picked up this book free on a Kindle daily deal. I suppose it seems odd to choose a book that deals with the death of a stranger. Why should I care? What's more, why should I needlessly depress myself with a stranger's suffering? But I have found that a first-person account, treated by a thoughtful writer, can be very absorbing, and so it was with Mr. Humphries' story in which he records his experiences, good and bad, during the first year after the sudden death of his 39-year-old wife. The book is well titled: this is no drippy, maudlin piece meant to sensationalize his wife's death. It is a thoughtful, reflective (almost) daily journal of sudden loss, single parenthood, well-meaning friends and family, and the long list of administrative duties involved in losing a loved one. I enjoyed the read (I know that sounds oxymoronic) because the emotional aspects of losing a spouse were dealth with so candidly. We all face death. Perhaps Mr. Humphries' story will prepare us, even a little bit, when it's our turn.
October 2, 2012
Very emotional and frank
Like others before me I find it hard to put a price/rating on a book which is in fact a piece of this authors life and heart. It seems so trivial to rate it in comparison to the events I have just read about.
It must have been incredibly cathartic (I can only presume) and difficult to write about the death of his wife. At first I wondered at the seemingly detached way he handled and wrote about it and then had to remind myself that I have no idea what I would do in that situation. I can imagine, but I just don't know and can't fathom what the reality, both emotionally and financially, is for him.
The author has managed to create a book that is both a guide for this type of situation and a written image of his heart on an open sleeve. I am not sure I have ever read a book with that type of combination before. I would like to thank the author for sharing it with readers. I will remember it always.
Like others before me I find it hard to put a price/rating on a book which is in fact a piece of this authors life and heart. It seems so trivial to rate it in comparison to the events I have just read about.
It must have been incredibly cathartic (I can only presume) and difficult to write about the death of his wife. At first I wondered at the seemingly detached way he handled and wrote about it and then had to remind myself that I have no idea what I would do in that situation. I can imagine, but I just don't know and can't fathom what the reality, both emotionally and financially, is for him.
The author has managed to create a book that is both a guide for this type of situation and a written image of his heart on an open sleeve. I am not sure I have ever read a book with that type of combination before. I would like to thank the author for sharing it with readers. I will remember it always.
November 19, 2017
This is a no-frills, tell-it-as-it-is account of a surviving spouse. It is not so much "unsentimental" as it is a sterile (as much as grief can be so), compartmentalized approach to dealing with loss, with picking up the pieces and moving on -- in other words, coping. The world over: someone loses a spouse, becomes a single parent, has to deal with lots of loose ends and uncertainty, etc. -- it's the same for everyone who's been through it. Reading this made me commiserate with the author, because a lot of what he felt and experienced, I did also. And let's not forget the paperwork involved, or of the kindness of friends and strangers, we will be forever thankful for the latter. I'd give it a 5-star if not of the nature of the book, only because it would (using the author's choice of words) "be rude" to be celebratory about it.
November 22, 2012
I'm not one for reviews normally, I rate the books I read and occasionally leave a brief comment. This book was different, not only is it one of the few books I've rated five starts, but I felt that I had to post a review to truly do it justice.
I smiled at parts and choked up on more than a few occasions, the kind words interspersed throughout were very moving.
I came across this because I'm an avid reader of Science Fiction and had read most of Darren's books, it is not the kind of book I normally read, but the reviews were so compelling I felt I had to read it for myself.
I'm glad I did
I smiled at parts and choked up on more than a few occasions, the kind words interspersed throughout were very moving.
I came across this because I'm an avid reader of Science Fiction and had read most of Darren's books, it is not the kind of book I normally read, but the reviews were so compelling I felt I had to read it for myself.
I'm glad I did
January 6, 2016
This is a really hard book to review simply because of the nature of the book and the fact that the author was pouring his heart out and trying to express his feelings in a way that he felt comfortable with. It simply wasn't for me. I found I didn't enjoy reading the parts about the police notes and coroner's reports and felt this made the book quite cold on reading through the experiences.
I appreciate that many people grieve in their own way but I felt that after reading this that I personally would prefer to keep my grief at a much more personal level and without the facts spread for everyone to see.
I appreciate that many people grieve in their own way but I felt that after reading this that I personally would prefer to keep my grief at a much more personal level and without the facts spread for everyone to see.
September 20, 2016
Unsentimental, but very moving
Sudden death of a spouse is one of the hardest things a person can face. When government and social bureaucracy must be dealt with, the loss is really compounded. Grief, by necessity, becomes compartmentalized. Things must be done, and life goes on. I remember how hard it was for my mother nearly 50 years ago when my father died suddenly. Thanks to Mr. Humphries for sharing the loss of his sweet wife and friend. I especially liked the inclusion of the comforting notes at the end of each day's entry. Positive approach, and helps those of us who struggle with what to say to bereaved families.
Sudden death of a spouse is one of the hardest things a person can face. When government and social bureaucracy must be dealt with, the loss is really compounded. Grief, by necessity, becomes compartmentalized. Things must be done, and life goes on. I remember how hard it was for my mother nearly 50 years ago when my father died suddenly. Thanks to Mr. Humphries for sharing the loss of his sweet wife and friend. I especially liked the inclusion of the comforting notes at the end of each day's entry. Positive approach, and helps those of us who struggle with what to say to bereaved families.
April 9, 2012
Although stars seem trivial for the subject, I feel justified in awarding them for the number of emotions experienced while reading this book; numbness, frustration, grief, even a touch of humour. But most of all, I feel that sharing such a difficult experience with sheer honesty and openness deserves recognition. For me, it is strength of character rather than unsentimentality that shines through. A tribute to Maite which I'm sure will bring comfort to some - not as a guide, but as reassurance that there is no formula for coping. We just get through - somehow.
June 20, 2012
This book is the very moving (but not sentimental... as in the title) story of Darren's sudden and unexpected loss of his dear wife. The diary charts his shock and the often frustrating practicalities following her death. Darren has two small (one of them very small) children, his love and devotion to them shines through this memoir, as does his wonderful sense of humour. Diary entries are interspersed with messages from friends and family. These, along with Darren's diary provide a wonderful tribute to a woman who sounds beautiful both inside and out.
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