Madame Depardieu and the Beautiful Strangers

by Antonia Quirke

A razor-sharp and achingly funny memoir of the men and movies that shaped one woman’s life. A unique memoir, ‘Madame Depardieu and the Beautiful Strangers’ is the story of how a young female film critic’s love-life is affected and nearly ruined by her obsession with male movie stars. As her increasingly hapless hunt for the right man unfolds and her television and newspaper career unravels, our heroine finally begins to understand that difficult that life is not like the movies. Entwined with the narrative of her real-life love affairs is a kaleidoscope of digressions on great screen actors – her dream-life with Gerard Depardieu, a personal ad seeking out Tom Cruise, a disastrous climactic encounter with Jeff Bridges. It’s a helter skelter ride through love and the movies which reads like a screwball comedy. And the screwball is our heroine, who seems to know everything about movies and the human heart, and nothing about anything else. Written in a fresh and utterly engaging voice, ‘Madame Depardieu and the Beautiful Strangers’ is both moving and hilarious, a bittersweet and endearingly honest one-off.

Genres: Nonfiction, Film

326 pages, Paperback

First published February 5, 2007

About the author

Antonia Quirke is an author and journalist. Her novel "Madame Depardieu and the Beautiful Strangers" was published in 2007. She writes a column on radio for the New Statesman and also writes for the Sunday Times.

Reviews

[Patrick Neylan · Rating 2 out of 5]

There are moments of startling absurdist fantasy in Madame Depardieu & The Beautiful Strangers. Unfortunately, most of them are contained in the press reviews quoted on the cover, because for the first 80-odd pages this is one of the most tedious books I have read in years. While it does improve later on, it is fundamentally flawed and constantly misfires.

Even Umberto Eco's notoriously boring The Island of the Day Before, with its interminable diversions on heraldry and medieval theology, at least has some intellectual value. Quirke's book is a miserable pageant of male characters seemingly being auditioned (and rejected) for the role of main character in another book. All are held together by the tenuous thread of a leading lady who resembles Bridget Jones only with her personality hollowed out and replaced by a tarnished tin-foil mannequin on whose surface the faces of actors are dimly reflected. And she's left the jokes out.

I'm confused. Is this a novel or an autobiography? I'm not sure Quirke knows herself. If it's the latter, who is Antonia Quirke to merit an entire book about herself? If it's a novel, why choose characters who are so ill-defined and artistically unsatisfying? Take Wilson, a Texan who has fled to London after killing a man for $200. You wouldn't think that anyone could make such a character boring, but Quirke manages it. Wilson shuffles into her life, mumbles a few words, shags her (probably) and then shuffles out again after a few pages, having lapsed from taciturnity into total silence.

When Quirke loses interest in her male characters, which happens every few pages (though not before the reader has), she dribbles off a half-baked essay about some actor or film, as if the book is a depository for her unfinished reviews or pieces that were rejected by Empire, the Sunday Times or the Basingstoke & North Hants Gazette.

Yes, there are moments of poignancy and insight, but one is left with the impression that Quirke felt compelled to write a novel -- for the kudos and the career prospects -- when what she really wanted to write (and should have written) was an encyclopedia of actors.

Quirke is only any good when when she is writing about films, when she's on home ground, when she's safe safe SAFE! Safe, in her comfort zone, where the celebs who praise her on the dust jacket are familiar and comfortable with her writing, where she's their pal Antonia, but she's not your Antonia and she's not My Antonia and nor is her book.

Her fugue on Jeremy Irons' performance in Betrayal is brilliant, but that's what she does for a living and it ain't novel writing and this is supposed to be a novel (or maybe an autobiography).

Antonia Quirke is a brilliant critic and columnist, and the more of her journalism I read the more I like her. But she's not a novelist - not yet anyway.

You shouldn't necessarily be put off. Quirke knows how to stick words together in a pleasing way, and if you are immersed in the world of film stars and celebrity - but with enough discernment to see the ridiculous side of it all - then this book might be your favourite book of the year. But if you can't understand why people read OK magazine, then you'd best leave this book on the cutting room floor.

[James · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a slog to get through in the end. What started out amusing and whimsical I soon found tedious and unhinged.

[Sam Woodward · Rating 5 out of 5]

Charm oozes from every line of Quirkes'... well, therein lies the rub; what can we call it? A kiss-&-tell biog for girlie nights in, to be accessorised with chocolates, PJ's & wine? Or a collection of her film reviews for nerds to gorge themselves on before regurgitating her opinions as their own? Or do we accept it as a unique work, covering a mish-mash of categories? Sadly for the authors' bank balance, the latter makes identifying a target audience for marketing purposes somewhat difficult, so it was always going to attain 'cult status' at best. Nothing wrong with that, though.

At first it was difficult to see how it could all hang together. The main thrust is that Antonia recounts her unique love-life, wherein she dated a guy from an incredibly wealthy family. As expected, his background ensures he comes replete with all manner of eccentric relatives, who unashamedly want to know the nitty-gritty about their sex life. To her boyfriends' sisters, casually asking Antonia over dinner with their parents whether their brother is giving her orgasms is perfectly normal behaviour.

Such instances are interspersed with Antonia's prodigious opinions upon a wide variety of films from all the ages of cinema (although I suspect it's with ye olde classics that her heart lies). Her reviews are meticulously crafted with love & erudition. Little escapes her keen eye, whether it's an implied subtext or the minutiae of Jeremy Irons' facial expressions. Whether discussing the men she loves in her private life or the ones she adores onscreen, her passion & whit burn so brightly that they never fail to shine from these pages.

So what we have is life compared to film; real men with petrol-station bouquets measured against chisel-jawed icons who frankly don't give a damn. Given her unashamedly unique & devilishly charming outlook, I can't help but wish that one day the world will turn black & white, the door will open & Antonia will be silhouetted against the light beyond. Unencumbered by the rose between her teeth, she'll purr 'so you're 5 foot & 8 inches? Well never mind the 5 feet, let's talk about the 8 inches'. If you can place that reference & love a bit of romance, then Antonia will not fail to charm you either. *sigh* If only I had a poster of her to put on my wall...

[Melody · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve grown to love Antonia Quirke in recent years for her occasional appearances on the BBC Film show ever since Claudia Winkleman took over. Quirke is the only person on that show now with any actual passion. I had no idea that her passion there was just the tip of the iceberg. This book is about someone simultaneously tired of and drunk on cinema, told in scatterbrain fragments that reminded me of James Simon Kunen’s The Strawberry Statement (one of my favourites), and mixed up with autobiographical vignettes of a person just figuring it all out… all of it, and completely unafraid to show all her workings. Her surname couldn’t be more fitting. The best book I’ve read in years, the kind I want to crawl inside.

[Brenda]

Tried and abandoned, just didn't get all the movie references.

[Marie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quite a comical book, with some hilarious repartee and characters. Great film references, although it did drag on a bit!

[Amy Bishop · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it. weird and wonderful