We All Married Idiots: Three Things You Will Never Change About Your Marriage and Ten Things You Can

by Elaine W. Miller

I married an idiot--and so did my spouse. The word, "idiot" is derived from the Greek word meaning "common man." Aren't we all common man? In fact, there is only One who was uncommon man--Jesus Christ. Elaine W. Miller encourages couples to keep their eyes fixed on Jesus and run a marriage marathon like an idiot, but not like a fool. An idiot may stumble or fall, but a fool runs the wrong way. We All Married Idiots teaches husbands and wives to stop concentrating on the three things you will never change in your marriage and begin focusing on the ten things you can. Then, you will esteem your mate as a gift to treasure, not as an idiot to tolerate. Elaine W. Miller is a popular author and speaker known for sharing biblical insights with warmth, enthusiasm, and humor. A member of the Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, she has been encouraging audiences for over 25 years. Elaine and her husband, an ordained minister, have been married 41 years. Together they have led many marriage retreats and counseled numerous hurting couples. Residing in upstate New York, Elaine and Dan enjoy a beautiful and sometimes idiotic life together. Elaine is the author of two additional books, Splashes of Serenity: Bathtime Reflections for Drained Moms and Splashes of Serenity: Bathtime Reflections for Drained Wives.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Marriage, Humor, Christian

130 pages, Paperback

First published April 23, 2012

About the author

Elaine W. Miller is a popular author and speaker known for sharing biblical insights with warmth, enthusiasm, and humor. A member of the Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, she has been encouraging audiences for over 25 years. Elaine has been a featured guest on radio and television, a keynote retreat speaker and seminar leader, and a faculty member at several writer's conferences.
Elaine is the author of four books. Praise the Lord and Pass the Chemo: A Hopeful Response to a Hard Reality, We All Married Idiots: Three Things You'll Never Change About Your Marriage and Ten Things You Can, Splashes of Serenity: Bathtime Reflections for Drained Moms, and Splashes of Serenity: Bathtime Reflections for Drained Wives. Her writing is in Sanctuary: A Devotional Bible for Women, and in several magazines.
Elaine and her husband, an ordained minister, have been married 42 years. Together they have led many marriage retreats and counseled numerous hurting couples. For many years the travelled annually to Europe as pastoral care couple to missionaries in Bosnia. Residing in upstate New York, she and her husband enjoy a wonderful and sometimes idiotic life together. Three married children and thirteen grandchildren complete their joy. For more information, please see her website, www.SplashesofSerenity.com.

Reviews

[Diane Estrella · Rating 5 out of 5]

Did the title get your attention???

Good, it’s supposed to!

I’m an idiot and so is my husband. The sooner we realize that we all are human and none of us are better than anyone else, it will give us the right perspective on ourselves, our spouses, and our marriages.

This book gives its readers the option of deciding what to focus on. Are we going to DWELL on the things we CAN NOT change about our spouses and our marriages? Or, (hint hint) should we make the decision to put our best energies and best efforts on what we can change…..?

OURSELVES!!! Our attitudes! Our behaviors! Our actions!

Elaine challenges the reader to think about the ten things we can turn around in our marriages and it all starts with us. When we get the right outlook on our marriages, then real and healthy changes can occur.

Hilarious, convicting, and making me want to love my husband all the more, I highly recommend this book for anyone that wants to begin on the road to the marriage you’ve always dreamed of. Why wait another day? Start here, start now!

[Loraine · Rating 4 out of 5]

SUMMARY: I married an idiot--and so did my spouse. The word, "idiot" is derived from the Greek word meaning "common man." Aren't we all common man? In fact, there is only One who was uncommon man--Jesus Christ. Elaine W. Miller encourages couples to keep their eyes fixed on Jesus and run a marriage marathon like an idiot, but not like a fool. An idiot may stumble or fall, but a fool runs the wrong way.

We All Married Idiots teaches husbands and wives to stop concentrating on the three things you will never change in your marriage and begin focusing on the ten things you can. Then, you will esteem your mate as a gift to treasure, not as an idiot to tolerate.

REVIEW: I would recommend this book as a married couple read whether you are a newlywed or have been married 40+ years. With a dose of humor, but very Biblically based, this short, 12 chapter book, covers important aspects of what makes marriages successful as well as what causes them to fail. A great book for couples to work through together, each chapter begins with discussion, continues with a reflection/question section, and ends with a prayer for couples to pray together. It could also be used in a small group couples class. Filled with eternal truths that can help make marriage stronger, more complete and headed toward success, the author bases it on her own mistakes and successes along a path of 35 years of marriage. I think it will bless any couple who takes the time to read it together. If your mate is not interested, it still can help with your perspective and how your relate to your marriage partner.

FAVORITE QUOTES: "Living successfully is being content with the money you make, the house you live in, and the person you chose to marry."

"Christianity does not direct us to focus on finding the right person; it calls us to become the right person."

"For some reason I don't understand (except that we are all sinners), we find it easier to make mean than to make nice to the ones we love."

[Kolleen Lucariello · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this was a great book! I laughed and learned the whole way through it. Thanks for the reminder, Elaine, that marriage isn't just about me! ;)

[Julie Graves · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author explains that the term idiots also means "common man" so essentially we are all idiots with Jesus Christ being the only UNcommon man that ever lived and therefore not an idiot.

Each chapter is broken down into the title of the chapter(one of the ten things you can change) and then a section to Meditate, a section to Reflect and a section to Change. Each meditation section gives scripture to meditate on concerning the subject that the chapter was about. Each reflection section does a bit of rehashing what the chapter covered and each change section offers up practical questions and activities to help strengthen your marriage.

Throughout the book the author talks about the enemy(satan) seeping into our marriages ready to pounce and destroy. She offers practical guidelines and encouragement for couples to stick with their commitment to each other.

A couple of quotes from the book:

"How will you run your marriage marathon--like an idiot or like a fool? An idiot stumbles. An idiot makes mistakes. A fool runs the wrong way."

"We choose to loosen up, strip down, let go, hold on, settle down, make nice, cheer on, sit tight, give up, and look up(the titles of each chapter). We choose to stay and fight for our marriages. We choose to obey God's command for a husband to love his wife and for a wife to respect her husband. Every day is a choice."

My Thoughts:

Not my favorite book on marriage relationships, but definitely it has benefits and truths that apply to all of us. I like how the author compared our marriages to running a marathon. Not giving up, sticking with it and continuing on. My husband and I have been married for almost 28 years and I think that even the most sound marriages need some fine-tuning now and then. That is why books like this are so necessary. We all need encouragement to stick with what we promised. Definitely a worthwhile read.

[Angie Arndt · Rating 5 out of 5]

My husband and I read devotionals every morning and I must admit when I saw this one, I hesitated just a bit. I mean, would my husband think I thought he was an idiot if I gave him this to read? But when I started reading it, I found the title applied to both of us!

I love the way the author, Elaine Miller, uses humorous (and very real) anecdotes to show couples how to get past the hurt and anger in their marriage. It's full of wisdom from the Bible and life lessons. Each day is divided up into five sections: the story, verses for meditation, Miller's interpretation of those verses, how to apply that wisdom through change, and most importantly, a prayer to ask for God's help to make those changes.

This is a book geared towards hurting relationships, but it's also helped our healthy relationship. I can see a real change in my husband's attitude (not that there was a problem with it, but it's actually gotten better) and that's led to a change for the better in my attitude. And it all started with this little book.

I can't recommend it highly enough. Thank you, Elaine Miller, for writing it.

[Christel · Rating 3 out of 5]

You don't have to be Christian to get some good advice out of this book. It's pretty down to earth with lots of real life examples over theory. A lot of the advice is sound, but being prayerful is an asset to accepting most of it. I gave this a 3 rather than a 4 because although Miller does recommend getting outside help for some situations, she counsels prayer and patience in others that I thought were damaging or co-dependent. I was brought up more in the God helps those who help themselves mindset, and so I'm more pro-active in my life. I'm also more of a believer in equal partner not subservient to the man. Praying to be treated well isn't how I approach life. We are allowing people to be idiots and ourselves fools when we don't do all we can do. Free will is a great gift used wisely. Those are my two biggest complaints. I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads. Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to review this.

[David Kemp · Rating 4 out of 5]

Every year I read a marriage book or two and so when it came time for me to read my next one I asked my wife (who is a marriage counselor) what she'd like for me to read--"You're the expert", I said.

I was a little taken back when she recommended this book; I mean, how is a man suppose to interpret the suggestion that he read, "We All Married Idiots"?

However, after reading the book I realized she was right!

Bottom line, this is a fun, easy-to-read, and very helpful book--I gladly recommend it.

You know, it's one thing to have troubles in a marriage--we all do; but I have never understood why people insist on having a troubled marriage. This book is a good reminder of the basics--read it and be better.

[Debbie Phillips · Rating 4 out of 5]

3 things you can't change: Idiosyncrasies, Hurts and Confusion and 10 things you can change.

Read the chapter, Meditate on the scripture, reflect on the topic, then a list of things to change... consider, answer, and do... then the chapter closes with a prayer to pray. I really liked it. I didn't write the answers down but I did take some time and consider them.

If we all married idiots then our husbands married idiots and so did we. The question is will you stick with the idiot you know or trade him in for a different idiot that may LOOK better but turn out to be worse. We can change ourselves and we can pray about our marriages as we are faithful and continue to grow and learn from God's instruction book – His Word – the Bible.

[Betty · Rating 5 out of 5]

We All Married Idiots: 3 Things You Will Never Change About Your Marriage and 10 Things You Can By ELIANNE W. MILLER

AN ABSOLUTELY MUST READ FOR ALL MARRIAGES AND COUPLES!! It's full of humorous insights into the problems that we create in our lives,both partners. I will say even though I've been married for 47 years, it's been enlightening and confirming what I've learned the hard way through all those years. So save you both from the HARD WAY,CHECK OUT THIS WONDERFULLY INSIGHTFUL AND INFORMATIVE BOOK!!

[Audrey Grant · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won this book and now I get to read it! I am excited and can't wait to read it and give a review! Two of my favorite things, Marriage and Humor!!
Marvelous!! Start to finish this book is packed with yumminess! You must read this book! My only wish is that she would have used KJV1611 Bible so I could read it in book.
I have already marked my copy up with underlining and notes, read parts to my Hubby and we are going to go back through it together! I recommend this book.

[Diane Markins · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author does a nice job of "keeping it real" when she talks about contending with the little quirks that seem to emerge in our mate AFTER the "I dos." Her theme of acceptance of some things, while working on others is salient and her bottom-line message is: don't give up!

[Vicki Becker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really points you in the right direction for improving your marriage .....God, and yourself, in that order. Our society breeds the thinking that it is always your spouse that needs to change. I have some work to do on myself!

[Gail · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty good-- not husband bashing Says all people do, say, think idiotic things sometimes and how to get along and appreciate your spouse more, and include God in your marriage I enjoyed it I can always use some wife -improvement reminders

[Tammy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great reminder that we are all idiots (a common or layman per original definition) and that to make a marriage work we must work on OURSELVES and look to Jesus for help. Quick easy read with many nuggets of wisdom and scripture references.

[Lisa Buske · Rating 5 out of 5]

Elaine's honesty kept me reading. I cried, laughed, and smiled the entire way through the book. I read this "with" my husband and we enjoyed it as a couples read. A must read for the married and those preparing for marriage. :)

Lisa M Buske
http://LisaMBuske.com

[Denise · Rating 2 out of 5]

The best part of this book? The title. I so wanted something humorous. I have read so many self help books on marriage. I wanted this one to be different. If you have read one, you have read them all.

[Mary · Rating 2 out of 5]

It felt like a girlfriend who is newly married offering platitudes of happiness and advice without any real wisdom. Although I agree with the things she said, her writing style wasn't my cup of tea.

[Shannon · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ugh! I got tricked! This is a Christian book, complete with bible verses and archaic definitions of gender roles.

[Naomi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Full of advice for personal reflection and God's help.

[Penny · Rating 2 out of 5]

ordinary. Wise advice but all of it covered in other marriage books.

[Marlana · Rating 1 out of 5]

Although I own the book I am not going to read it, full of religion.

[Teresa Kartheiser · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny

This was a funny sweet book with real practical applications. I loved the reflections and prayers. I really enjoyed it.

[Amy Reed · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is book is excellent. It points to the direct issues most marriages face today and gives valuable ways to change, making you a better partner....not your spouse. The books is short and to the point and filled with scripture. I think every married couple should read this book together and start enjoying marriage the way that it should be.

[billy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good advise

When we really admit it, we are our own worse enemy. We are self centered and prideful. Loving someone more than ourselves is not in our sinful nature. This book was insightful.

[Elaine Cooper · Rating 5 out of 5]

The first time I read the title for “We All Married Idiots,” I cracked up laughing. As a wife of thirty-plus years I thought, “How true is that? We really ARE all idiots.”

With humor and point blank honesty, Elaine W. Miller lets no husband or wife off the hook with the truth that we are all responsible for the survival of our marriages. And sometimes the source of problems in our marital relationships is the face staring back at us from our mirror. The words are both convicting and healing.

Whether a couple has been married for fifty minutes or for fifty years, they will benefit by the wisdom gleaned from “We All Married Idiots.” It should be required reading for every couple planning a wedding. Thank you, Elaine W. Miller, for your fun and truthful insights!

[Sharon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book changed the way I prayed for and treated my hubby. We had a good marriage before reading this book but now we have a great marriage. I have prayed for years to be a good wife for my hubby and the advice, reminders and Scripture help me to be the best wife, friend, companion that GOD wants me to be especially since hubby's cancer changed our relationship. Thanks Elaine for your obedience in writing this book.

[Meaghan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Okay so who has never thought "I married an idiot?"? Admit it, we all have at one point or another. This book helps you realize what you can and can't change in your marriage and how to honor the sanctity of the marriage in a better way. Elaine is funny and endearing in this book and leaves you wishing for more.

[Casi · Rating 2 out of 5]

Antiquated Advice

I found this devotional to be outdated and full of gender stereotypes. While the idea of it had promise, the stories and details rocketed me right back to the 1950's.