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Who You Are When No One's Looking: Choosing Consistency, Resisting Compromise
We are all at our best when it counts. But what are we like when no one's looking? That's where character comes in--being consistent even when it doesn't seem to matter. // Courage. Discipline. Vision. Endurance. Love. These character qualities are quickly becoming endangered. All too often we hear of marriages falling apart, governments lying, businesses cheating and scandals rocking the church. But with God's guidance and strength, we can maintain character that lasts despite temptations and troubles.
Audiobook
First published January 1, 1987
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About the author
Bill Hybels
395 books220 followersBill Hybels is the founding and senior pastor of Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington, Illinois, a non-denominational church with eight regional locations in the Chicago area. He is the bestselling author of more than twenty books, including Simplify, Axiom, Holy Discontent, Just Walk Across the Room, The Volunteer Revolution, Courageous Leadership, Too Busy Not to Pray, and Becoming a Contagious Christian.
Hybels launched Willow Creek Community Church in 1975 with his wife, Lynne (Berry), and a group of friends who gathered in rented space in a movie theater with a vision of helping people from any faith background (or no faith at all) become fully devoted followers of Jesus. Utilizing contemporary music, the arts, relevant teaching from the Bible, and a small-groups community focus that has revolutionized how people experience community in the local church, Willow Creek has grown to more than 25,000 attendees, one of the largest churches in North America—and one of the most influential.
In 1992, Hybels launched Willow Creek Association, a not-for-profit organization that equips, inspires, and empowers leaders around the world. In 1995, he convened WCA’s first Global Leadership Summit, an annual two-day event featuring top leaders from all perspectives and areas of expertise—both faith-based and secular (past speakers include Condoleezza Rice, Colin Powell, Bono, Melinda Gates, Andy Stanley, Jim Collins, Ed Catmull, Tyler Perry, Sheryl Sandberg, Nicholas Kristof, David Gergen, and Brené Brown). Telecast live from Willow Creek’s 7,000-seat South Barrington auditorium each August, more than 400,000 pastors and community leaders attend the Summit at hundreds of locations across North America, and around the world at 675+ sites in 130 countries and 60 different languages—making it the largest event of its kind on the planet. “Everyone wins when a leader gets better,” Hybels says.
Hybels holds a bachelor’s degree in Biblical Studies and an honorary Doctorate of Divinity from Trinity College (now Trinity International University) in Deerfield, Illinois. He and his wife, Lynne, have two grown children and two grandsons.
Hybels launched Willow Creek Community Church in 1975 with his wife, Lynne (Berry), and a group of friends who gathered in rented space in a movie theater with a vision of helping people from any faith background (or no faith at all) become fully devoted followers of Jesus. Utilizing contemporary music, the arts, relevant teaching from the Bible, and a small-groups community focus that has revolutionized how people experience community in the local church, Willow Creek has grown to more than 25,000 attendees, one of the largest churches in North America—and one of the most influential.
In 1992, Hybels launched Willow Creek Association, a not-for-profit organization that equips, inspires, and empowers leaders around the world. In 1995, he convened WCA’s first Global Leadership Summit, an annual two-day event featuring top leaders from all perspectives and areas of expertise—both faith-based and secular (past speakers include Condoleezza Rice, Colin Powell, Bono, Melinda Gates, Andy Stanley, Jim Collins, Ed Catmull, Tyler Perry, Sheryl Sandberg, Nicholas Kristof, David Gergen, and Brené Brown). Telecast live from Willow Creek’s 7,000-seat South Barrington auditorium each August, more than 400,000 pastors and community leaders attend the Summit at hundreds of locations across North America, and around the world at 675+ sites in 130 countries and 60 different languages—making it the largest event of its kind on the planet. “Everyone wins when a leader gets better,” Hybels says.
Hybels holds a bachelor’s degree in Biblical Studies and an honorary Doctorate of Divinity from Trinity College (now Trinity International University) in Deerfield, Illinois. He and his wife, Lynne, have two grown children and two grandsons.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 77 reviews
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July 19, 2025EDIT: This review aged like old milk, given that the author was assaulting women under his authority for decades. The tough thing about that from the perspective of someone who spent years learning from a man like that is that it becomes hard to judge which of the teaching was worth following and which was tainted and twisted by the mind of a person who could preach this kind of thing with a straight face and also be doing the things he did.
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A great overview of what it looks like to be a Christian of character and integrity. It points out four things that every Christian needs: courage, discipline, vision, and endurance. It also discusses tender love, tough love, sacrificial love, and radical love. I think this is a good book to motivate someone looking to grow in the way he lives out his faith, and as a magnifying glass held over some key character traits that may need to be developed further.
UPDATE: After a couple months to reflect on this, the concept of advance decision-making has really stuck with me. When I wait until the last moment to decide how I will act in a certain situation, I often base it on my feelings in that moment, which are often not the best guide; when I decide ahead of time how I will act, it allows me to make the right decision and act correctly and promptly.
UPDATE 2: I enjoyed this book just as much on my second reading less than a year later. I have been growing and I see that I'm more in time with some of the teaching now, particularly the challenge to exercise my influence for God's Kingdom.
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A great overview of what it looks like to be a Christian of character and integrity. It points out four things that every Christian needs: courage, discipline, vision, and endurance. It also discusses tender love, tough love, sacrificial love, and radical love. I think this is a good book to motivate someone looking to grow in the way he lives out his faith, and as a magnifying glass held over some key character traits that may need to be developed further.
UPDATE: After a couple months to reflect on this, the concept of advance decision-making has really stuck with me. When I wait until the last moment to decide how I will act in a certain situation, I often base it on my feelings in that moment, which are often not the best guide; when I decide ahead of time how I will act, it allows me to make the right decision and act correctly and promptly.
UPDATE 2: I enjoyed this book just as much on my second reading less than a year later. I have been growing and I see that I'm more in time with some of the teaching now, particularly the challenge to exercise my influence for God's Kingdom.
July 16, 2023
-Character- “What we do when no one is looking.”
The author gets straight to the point of the book by looking at Character in the first chapter. Which I liked, very direct and to the point. As well as lays out five “endangered character qualities.” But overall it was lacking depth on these “qualities” . A bit repetitive on certain points , same topic just different slants. A lighter read than I anticipated. Nonetheless good things to think and act on.
The author gets straight to the point of the book by looking at Character in the first chapter. Which I liked, very direct and to the point. As well as lays out five “endangered character qualities.” But overall it was lacking depth on these “qualities” . A bit repetitive on certain points , same topic just different slants. A lighter read than I anticipated. Nonetheless good things to think and act on.
May 29, 2010
This book is packed with everything a person needs to be successful in life in just over 100 pages. Hybels shows us and challenges us to maintain our character and values regardless of what society, peers and the media is preaching.
Everyone puts on masks in public in order "look" a certain way or play a certain part. But the choices we make, no matter how large or small, when no one is looking is what really matters in life.
A look at the recent business scandals, political bickering and celebrity infidelities only proves this books message is even more critical now then when it was originally written.
I plan to re-read this book yearly and give copies to important people in my life.
Everyone puts on masks in public in order "look" a certain way or play a certain part. But the choices we make, no matter how large or small, when no one is looking is what really matters in life.
A look at the recent business scandals, political bickering and celebrity infidelities only proves this books message is even more critical now then when it was originally written.
I plan to re-read this book yearly and give copies to important people in my life.
January 18, 2018
This was a great book on building character. I was challenged, motivated, and encouraged to keep on. Bill Hybels style was really easy to read, and very entertaining. I enjoyed his use of real life stories and examples, especially his use of Biblical examples. He covers things like courage, discipline, Christ-like-love, and other traits that we should have in our lives. It was totally worth the time to read.
August 19, 2015
Very helpful and resourceful.
June 27, 2011
Hybels list character qualities as courage, discipline, vision, endurance, and love. He devote a chapter to each ot the first four quailities of character. He then devotes five chapters to love. He divides love into tender love, touch love, sacrifical love, radical love and the character of Christ. This is a book I will reread again. I fear that character is what is missing from our life and is so deparately needed. I want to see more character in my life.
June 17, 2013
This was one of several books assigned to me by a pastor who was mentoring me. Like most books by Bill Hybels, it is short and to the point. I loved it. The character traits that Bill indicates lead to integrity are very important and he succinctly discusses their importance and how we can work at maintaining them. I especially loved that love takes up about 4 chapters of the book. This is a great read.
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December 25, 2015This is the first book I bought in CCF Center's bookstore. The title of the book caught my attention and I immediately grabbed it.
Who you are when no one is looking is one of the hardest question to answer. Is your integrity still intact? So is your thoughts and actions when you are left with nothing but your thoughts? The book discusses about the common yet hard to practice characters from Courage to Vision and Love. It's a great read with so much to ponder about.
Who you are when no one is looking is one of the hardest question to answer. Is your integrity still intact? So is your thoughts and actions when you are left with nothing but your thoughts? The book discusses about the common yet hard to practice characters from Courage to Vision and Love. It's a great read with so much to ponder about.
January 20, 2018
An easy to read and succinct look at some key character traits for Christians to develop. The chapter about discipline as delayed gratification, and the value of advance decision making to assist in this has really stuck with me.
December 25, 2012
Could have been a much better book if it was not so buried in Christian point of view. Zig Zaglar does a much better job on that kind of topic.
May 29, 2016
An excellent book of encouraging advice.
March 14, 2022
lovvvveeeed it! it was very reassuring and helped me put words onto my feelings and emotions that i didn’t know how to label while relating it back to the bible! a must read
February 16, 2024
This is such a good reading for people who want to know more of themselves from a spiritual standpoint. I have read this for two times now, and the last one gets me to a better understanding of what the book tries to convey with its concept of 'choosing consistency, resisting compromise.' It allows me to think deeply of myself, question my way of life, and bring more justice to my walk and my character. This is for people who want to strengthen their character and have a deep sense of the meaning of who they are. It also emphasizes how crucial it is to incorporate hardwork to our journey of character development.
September 15, 2024
Bardzo wartościowa książka i z chęcią ją przygarnę na stałe do swojej biblioteczki.
Moją uwagę najbardziej zwróciło kilka wątków: - klika rodzajów miłości (łagodna, twarda) - tylko gdy są obydwie to miłość jest pełna
- przyjaźnie i jakościowe relacje zawsze wymagają ofiary - czasu, siły lub pieniędzy
- by móc w pełni gotowym by dawać coś od siebie, trzeba pamiętać o "tankowaniu" fizycznym, emocjonalnym i duchowym (każde jest tak samo ważne i wymaga różnego podejścia)
- na koniec przypomniałam sobie o wartość dyscypliny i bycia wiernym swoim podjętym uprzednio decyzjom
Moją uwagę najbardziej zwróciło kilka wątków: - klika rodzajów miłości (łagodna, twarda) - tylko gdy są obydwie to miłość jest pełna
- przyjaźnie i jakościowe relacje zawsze wymagają ofiary - czasu, siły lub pieniędzy
- by móc w pełni gotowym by dawać coś od siebie, trzeba pamiętać o "tankowaniu" fizycznym, emocjonalnym i duchowym (każde jest tak samo ważne i wymaga różnego podejścia)
- na koniec przypomniałam sobie o wartość dyscypliny i bycia wiernym swoim podjętym uprzednio decyzjom
December 29, 2023
Esse é daqueles livros curtos e certeiros. Trouxe a abordagem das Virtudes que junto com os ensinamentos da Bíblia, tornam-se um manual para uma vida plena e relevante não só para o indivíduo mas para a sociedade. O fato de ser bem curto, torna-o uma leitura fácil, fluída e ideal para presentear alguém que você ama e quer levar ensinamentos importantes para fortalecer a vida dela.
July 16, 2024
This book opened my eyes about what it's like to be a man of God. We'll never be perfect men as it's spiritually impossible but we can learn to be the best we can. This will make you think and even take a look in the mirror. This will also show you that you're not alone.
July 14, 2025
A great short read on why character matters - public and private. We need others to see our flaws and call us out as much as we need discipline to do the right things, especially when no one is watching.
May 18, 2021
Yeah so not the book I expected it to be and I did read it this is not the audiobook so yeah not what I expected in a bad way.
December 31, 2024
Simple read that can really impact your life.
February 8, 2025
Very old fashioned
September 23, 2016
The title: Who You Are When No One's Looking caught my attention. How do we behave when no one is looking? In that your character is proved- to be consistent even when it doesn't seem to have any importance. Courage, discipline, vision, patience and love...these are very important. Bill Hybels writes for each one a whole chapter. What do we need to do God's will? We need COURAGE to join a family which is misunderstood by the world; we need DISCIPLINE to fulfill the duties set by God for His children; we need VISION to overcome the inevitable problems and see what God does in the lives of His children; we need PATIENCE to keep in touch with brothers and sisters even if it would be easier to go your way; we need LOVE to hold God's family united and to reach to others with the invitation to join the family- not just any love, but tender, tough, sacrificial and radical love. In one word, we need character to do God's will. I liked it very much that Bill Hybels opens and closes the book by stressing the importance of having the character which only Jesus can produce!!!
August 23, 2011
I wasn't so sure about this book when I started it, but it really challenged me in some areas that I needed to look at (Courage and Tough Love, particularly), and opened up some really amazing conversations in our small group. It's written very simply, and some parts seem a little pat, but I think that's why it was good to read it with others - we got to talk those parts through, mull them over and give examples of them, and that really made it all come to life.
"Most people who claim they want the character trait of love actually mean that they want to be loved. They hope that people will admire them and treat them with affection. But godly character says the goal is not to be loved but to do the hard work of loving others well instead, and to do so in myriad ways."
"Most people who claim they want the character trait of love actually mean that they want to be loved. They hope that people will admire them and treat them with affection. But godly character says the goal is not to be loved but to do the hard work of loving others well instead, and to do so in myriad ways."
August 22, 2017
It takes courage to join a family that is misunderstood by the world.
It takes discipline to accomplish the tasks God has set out for His children.
It takes vision to overcome inevitable problems and to see what God is doing in the lives of His children.
It takes endurance to stick with your brothers and sisters when it would be so much easier to go your own way.
Above all, it takes love to hold God’s family together and to reach out and invite others to join it — tender, tough, sacrificial, radical love.
One of the most heartwarming books I’ve ever read. Words aren’t enough to express how much I adore this book.
March 8, 2021
🍀”Potrebna je smelost da bi se izaslo iz uobicajenog sablona razmisljanja.Potrebno je imati cvrsto uverenje i hraborosti da bi se rizikovalo s nekom novom idejom ili novim pristupom.”
“Skoro uvek je lakse odustati nego istrajati.Medjutim, odustajanje ima svoje posledice i mnogo su skupo platili prerano odustajanje”
“Mi smo generacija ljudi slabe volje, mi ne razumemo moc izdrzljivosti.Izdrzljivost je osnova za uspesno suocavanje sa zivotnim izazovima.”
“Veoma cesto istina mora biti recena vrlo direktno, bez prostora za nejasnoce, da bi se izbegla veca steta koja dolazi od zivota sa lazima.”
“Najvise voli one kojima je ljubav najpotrebnija.”🍀
“Skoro uvek je lakse odustati nego istrajati.Medjutim, odustajanje ima svoje posledice i mnogo su skupo platili prerano odustajanje”
“Mi smo generacija ljudi slabe volje, mi ne razumemo moc izdrzljivosti.Izdrzljivost je osnova za uspesno suocavanje sa zivotnim izazovima.”
“Veoma cesto istina mora biti recena vrlo direktno, bez prostora za nejasnoce, da bi se izbegla veca steta koja dolazi od zivota sa lazima.”
“Najvise voli one kojima je ljubav najpotrebnija.”🍀
September 14, 2016
This book brought up some good points about what we do in our spare/alone time that effects our character. I feel like this would be good for someone to dip their toes in the water. However, if you're looking for something with more depth to really search your heart then I would suggest opting for Battling Unbelief by John Piper, Crazy Love by Francis Chan and/or maybe even Wild at Heart by John Eldridge.
January 12, 2018
The moment I started reading the first chapters I loved it. If you are one of those people who love to multi task and time manage and still want to have a healthy social life or lifestyle, then this book is for you!
I loved how he explained the beauty of pain now and pleasure later; and if your keen enough to recognize, you'll know the key to discipline! ^^
Happy reading for those who want to read it. I recommend it 100%. :)
I loved how he explained the beauty of pain now and pleasure later; and if your keen enough to recognize, you'll know the key to discipline! ^^
Happy reading for those who want to read it. I recommend it 100%. :)
February 10, 2014
The final chapters really tie together the rest of the book. Went through this book and the accompanying study guide with a mentor at work. It started some good conversations about who we are at home, at work and when we are alone. Key ideas are going to stick, like being a person of influence. I liked this better than "What on Earth am I Here For" by Rick Warren.
December 31, 2013
A concise book on how to be a person of character, enticing you to join the author in his venture using anecdotes that are easy to connect with. There are many nice nuggets of wisdom and insight scattered in the book. And more importantly, there are practical suggestions on how to incorporate these concepts into one's life.
April 14, 2015
This book tells a lot about the real struggles and situations of people (Christian or non-Christian) this present age especially on the on the part of the common moral standards of all the society. It has a great mixture of imparting the Biblical truth about our day-to-day issues in life and the practical responses we can do to avoid compromise and conformity at this present age.
October 9, 2019
3.5 stars.
There were some good points here, but geez, he could have subtitled it " I go to the gym every day" because he talks about it pretty often. And about how everyone else needs to exercise and watch their diet. Good advice, I get it, but this book doesn't seem like the place. Good for you; (I'm trying!).
Recommended, lukewarmly.
There were some good points here, but geez, he could have subtitled it " I go to the gym every day" because he talks about it pretty often. And about how everyone else needs to exercise and watch their diet. Good advice, I get it, but this book doesn't seem like the place. Good for you; (I'm trying!).
Recommended, lukewarmly.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 77 reviews