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How to Write a Bestseller
Book by Rohmer, Richard
125 pages, Paperback
First published April 7, 1984
2 people want to read
About the author
Richard Rohmer
51 books8 followersMajor-General (Ret'd) Richard Heath Rohmer, OC, CMM, DFC, O.Ont, KStJ, CD, OL, QC, JD, LLD (born in 1924). Canada's most decorated citizen, an aviator, a senior lawyer (aviation law), adviser to business leaders and the Government of Ontario and is a prolific writer. Rohmer was born in Hamilton, Ontario, and spent some of his early youth in Pasadena, California as well as in western Ontario at Windsor and Fort Erie.
The Peterborough Examiner's lead editorial of 14 January 2009 says this: "Rohmer, one of Canada's most colourful figures of the past half-century, was a World War II fighter pilot, later a major-general in the armed forces reserve, a high-profile lawyer and a successful novelist and biographer."
The Peterborough Examiner's lead editorial of 14 January 2009 says this: "Rohmer, one of Canada's most colourful figures of the past half-century, was a World War II fighter pilot, later a major-general in the armed forces reserve, a high-profile lawyer and a successful novelist and biographer."
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August 27, 2014
The first thing How to Write a Be$t $eller makes clear is that what you want to write is a Best Seller; who would want to write any other kind of book? Rohmer then proceeds to outline the formula that will allow you into his world, where everything he dictates rockets up the Best Seller lists. At least in Canada. That formula is as follows:
- Do a lot of research - maybe it's better if you hire a researcher. (Why don't you?)
- Invent the plot - use two or three to make the story more interesting (But just make sure they mesh!).
- Create character types - avoid anything but broad strokes here, as you would otherwise slow down the action. (helpful hint: "use action words wherever possible")
- Add sex and appropriate language. (another helpful hint: "use dialogue whenever possible to replace otherwise boring descriptive passages". Be sure to ignore this hint at the first opportunity - you didn't pay that researcher for nothing!).
Mix all elements together and dictate your novel. Hire a typist to transcribe. Rewrite if necessary, but be wary of meddling editors, unless you have hired your own. Find a publisher, but beware - they are usually staffed by Orcs who would rather slay you in battle than publish your book. Make sure you and your agent negotiate a contract that lets you make sure your book is the way you want it, from design to the final draft. After all, by reading this book you know how to write a Best Seller - don't let the Publishing Industry tell you otherwise. Go on tour to promote the book. It is likely - no, almost guaranteed - that your book will be a Best Seller. Lather, rinse, repeat.
- Do a lot of research - maybe it's better if you hire a researcher. (Why don't you?)
- Invent the plot - use two or three to make the story more interesting (But just make sure they mesh!).
- Create character types - avoid anything but broad strokes here, as you would otherwise slow down the action. (helpful hint: "use action words wherever possible")
- Add sex and appropriate language. (another helpful hint: "use dialogue whenever possible to replace otherwise boring descriptive passages". Be sure to ignore this hint at the first opportunity - you didn't pay that researcher for nothing!).
Mix all elements together and dictate your novel. Hire a typist to transcribe. Rewrite if necessary, but be wary of meddling editors, unless you have hired your own. Find a publisher, but beware - they are usually staffed by Orcs who would rather slay you in battle than publish your book. Make sure you and your agent negotiate a contract that lets you make sure your book is the way you want it, from design to the final draft. After all, by reading this book you know how to write a Best Seller - don't let the Publishing Industry tell you otherwise. Go on tour to promote the book. It is likely - no, almost guaranteed - that your book will be a Best Seller. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Displaying 1 of 1 review