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My Mother My Son
My Mother, My Son illustrates the power of love and a cruel twist of fate. A son who came from a struggling family that had little means was able to fulfill his mother’s lifelong dream to be successful, a “big shot” with all the status and trappings that entailed. Little did they know that her dream would end with a disease that had become an integral part of his livelihood.
As Dwayne Clark became a successful executive in the senior living industry, his mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and became a resident of one of his memory care communities. Even though his life’s work dealt with the elderly and memory loss, he still has to come to terms with the diagnosis and the painful realization that his mother would one day forget who he was and the dreams and memories they had shared. This story chronicles the life of the author’s feisty and wildly devoted, single mother, her childhood in India, the memories of a struggling young family and the many life lessons that she taught him along the way.
As Dwayne Clark became a successful executive in the senior living industry, his mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and became a resident of one of his memory care communities. Even though his life’s work dealt with the elderly and memory loss, he still has to come to terms with the diagnosis and the painful realization that his mother would one day forget who he was and the dreams and memories they had shared. This story chronicles the life of the author’s feisty and wildly devoted, single mother, her childhood in India, the memories of a struggling young family and the many life lessons that she taught him along the way.
- GenresNonfiction
308 pages, Paperback
First published January 26, 2012
21 people are currently reading
114 people want to read
About the author
Dwayne J. Clark
5 books29 followersDwayne J. Clark is the co-founder and CEO of Aegis Living, which has more than 30 senior living facilities in the Western United States. Clark and Aegis Living have been widely recognized for their excellence of care to residents and employees alike, by receiving a wide variety of awards including The Family Business Growth Award by Seattle Business Magazine, Top 50 Best Places to Work by Glassdoor, Ernst & Young Entrepreneur of the Year award, and the Lifetime Achievement Award from Senior Services. Dwayne is also the founder of True Productions, a production company aimed at sharing real-life stories through collaboration with writers, filmmakers, and playwrights. Among others, Clark was the producer for the documentary Full Court: The Spencer Haywood Story and executive producer for the award-winning film Big Sonia. Clark's talents extend beyond filmmaking to writing. He wrote and produced the play Seven Ways to Get There and has authored several books including A Big Life and My Mother, My Son.
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
April 9, 2012
About a strong woman who is diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Very good and interesting about family dynamics in the midst of such a tragic disease. I highly recommend this book to anyone dealing with dementia in their family. Written by a man who has established care centers dealing with dementia yet when his mother developed it he realized there was so much more that he didn't know.
July 22, 2019
I have read a lot of books and this book stole my heart!
I laughed while snot crying!!
My Mother, My Son has earned its way into my Top 10 favorite books.
The book is incredibly genuine and it that wasn't enough to capture my attention, it is hilarious!...how you take a book that is so vulnerable with its pain and make me laugh at the same time is beyond me..
SUCH GREAT WRITING!
I highly recommend this book...HIGHLY!
I laughed while snot crying!!
My Mother, My Son has earned its way into my Top 10 favorite books.
The book is incredibly genuine and it that wasn't enough to capture my attention, it is hilarious!...how you take a book that is so vulnerable with its pain and make me laugh at the same time is beyond me..
SUCH GREAT WRITING!
I highly recommend this book...HIGHLY!
November 12, 2023
A personal account of a beloved's journey through Alzheimer's with practical tips and advice on how to cope. Slight schilling of a business entity, too, but that can be somewhat forgiven due to good intentions.
September 13, 2020
Interesting.
May 8, 2012
Book Review: My Mother, My Son
“Antidote to Invisibility”
Moved by grief over his mother’s decline into Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s diseases and sorrow over society’s tendency to make patients’ diagnoses their new identities, Dwayne Clark set out to keep his mother Colleen’s lifetime achievements and identity alive. The result is a memoir-tribute, My Mother, My Son. With remarkable candor, Clark chooses stories to aptly illustrate his mother’s feisty personality, character, and values, and her contributions to his development. Woven throughout these stories is their fierce mutual devotion.
Each story (chapter) is dated. Chapters from the 1920s, 1930s, and 1940s recall Colleen’s early influences. Anecdotes from 1960s and 1970s illustrate Dwayne’s family upbringing. From about 1999 through 2010, stories chronicle Colleen’s decline and the family’s decisions regarding her care. Chapters do not proceed chronologically; rather, they bounce from present to past, usually for a logical purpose. Generally, zigzagging flashbacks disorient me, and a few times while reading this book, I had that feeling. Most of the time, however, I could see why certain stories were placed where they were. For example, when Dwayne senses Colleen’s disorientation and loneliness upon finding herself in a nursing facility, he wonders if perhaps she now feels how she had felt as a young war bride making a long journey from her childhood home in India to her new home in Washington state, so he tells the sea-voyage story at that point.
I wanted to read this book because of the holding on–letting go tug of war in my own heart over my father’s decline into Alzheimer’s. Dwayne Clark articulately wrote out emotions I’d only been able to weep out. Here is one example: “It was as if I had come down with a spiritual and emotional flu, letting all the anger, fear, worry, and loss fully infect my soul.” Reading this book gave me a sense that I’m not alone. Not only did his struggle touch my heart, but it also was lively, interesting reading. Although I could relate to his not wanting to lose his mom in this tragic way, I could not relate to much of his family background. Still, his stories were fun to read. And I really, really wanted to get to know his mom. I’m not even sure I would have liked his mom, had I known her in real life. But I loved her fierce devotion to him, her support of him, her encouragement of him. And as the book points out, her consistent, confidence-building words came full-circle when he grew up to design the very memory-care communities that would embrace his own mother. One of the most encouraging messages of this book, for me anyway, was that our parents live on in us. I don’t want to lose my parents; they carry their own torches more brilliantly than I’ll be able to. Still, I am who I am because of who they are. Despite the heart-breaking subject, this book maintains a positive outlook.
As memoir, My Mother, My Son is universally engaging, especially to those of us in the midst of elder care, but also to a society tempted to diminish the impact of the elderly and infirm. Colleen Clark was not her diseases. Like all dear people afflicted by Alzheimer’s disease, she was a vibrant person who led a full life making a difference in others’ lives. She may forget her stories, but the people she influenced dare not reduce them to invisibility. In this moving tribute, My Mother, My Son, Dwayne Clark succeeds in providing an “antidote to invisibility.”
Because Dwayne Clark is in the business of providing residential care to mature adults, after he finishes his story, he offers practical advice, guidelines, and resources for those on the elder-care journey. I found this section helpful as well.
I received a copy of this book from the book’s publicist.
“Antidote to Invisibility”
Moved by grief over his mother’s decline into Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s diseases and sorrow over society’s tendency to make patients’ diagnoses their new identities, Dwayne Clark set out to keep his mother Colleen’s lifetime achievements and identity alive. The result is a memoir-tribute, My Mother, My Son. With remarkable candor, Clark chooses stories to aptly illustrate his mother’s feisty personality, character, and values, and her contributions to his development. Woven throughout these stories is their fierce mutual devotion.
Each story (chapter) is dated. Chapters from the 1920s, 1930s, and 1940s recall Colleen’s early influences. Anecdotes from 1960s and 1970s illustrate Dwayne’s family upbringing. From about 1999 through 2010, stories chronicle Colleen’s decline and the family’s decisions regarding her care. Chapters do not proceed chronologically; rather, they bounce from present to past, usually for a logical purpose. Generally, zigzagging flashbacks disorient me, and a few times while reading this book, I had that feeling. Most of the time, however, I could see why certain stories were placed where they were. For example, when Dwayne senses Colleen’s disorientation and loneliness upon finding herself in a nursing facility, he wonders if perhaps she now feels how she had felt as a young war bride making a long journey from her childhood home in India to her new home in Washington state, so he tells the sea-voyage story at that point.
I wanted to read this book because of the holding on–letting go tug of war in my own heart over my father’s decline into Alzheimer’s. Dwayne Clark articulately wrote out emotions I’d only been able to weep out. Here is one example: “It was as if I had come down with a spiritual and emotional flu, letting all the anger, fear, worry, and loss fully infect my soul.” Reading this book gave me a sense that I’m not alone. Not only did his struggle touch my heart, but it also was lively, interesting reading. Although I could relate to his not wanting to lose his mom in this tragic way, I could not relate to much of his family background. Still, his stories were fun to read. And I really, really wanted to get to know his mom. I’m not even sure I would have liked his mom, had I known her in real life. But I loved her fierce devotion to him, her support of him, her encouragement of him. And as the book points out, her consistent, confidence-building words came full-circle when he grew up to design the very memory-care communities that would embrace his own mother. One of the most encouraging messages of this book, for me anyway, was that our parents live on in us. I don’t want to lose my parents; they carry their own torches more brilliantly than I’ll be able to. Still, I am who I am because of who they are. Despite the heart-breaking subject, this book maintains a positive outlook.
As memoir, My Mother, My Son is universally engaging, especially to those of us in the midst of elder care, but also to a society tempted to diminish the impact of the elderly and infirm. Colleen Clark was not her diseases. Like all dear people afflicted by Alzheimer’s disease, she was a vibrant person who led a full life making a difference in others’ lives. She may forget her stories, but the people she influenced dare not reduce them to invisibility. In this moving tribute, My Mother, My Son, Dwayne Clark succeeds in providing an “antidote to invisibility.”
Because Dwayne Clark is in the business of providing residential care to mature adults, after he finishes his story, he offers practical advice, guidelines, and resources for those on the elder-care journey. I found this section helpful as well.
I received a copy of this book from the book’s publicist.
December 19, 2012
My Mother, My Son by Dwayne J. Clark had so much of what I thought was missing in The End of Your Life Book Club. There were no distractions of multiple listings of novels, no chances of novel spoilers being released, and there was an obvious close personal connection between mother and son.
My Mother, My Son is the true story of a mother’s diagnosis and advancement into Alzheimer’s, with the direct correlation to how her children’s lives were affected. Her son, Dwayne J. Clark (also the author), owns the successful Aegis Living communities for the elderly, and while it was never expected, eventually, Mom would end up calling Aegis her home.
There were three interwoven story lines, which I originally was worried would be confusing. But it was not. The story lines followed Mom from a child as she grew up, Mom older and with Dwayne as a child and growing up, and then Dwayne dealing with Mom as she progressed through her illness.
The memoir showcased Mom being her feisty self, along with her somewhat obsessive fears about being left behind by her children. She was terrified of being alone and was very dependent on her family for support. It seemed a little unhealthy at times, but you could tell the family was very close.
One moving story was about how Dwayne worked for months, saving up to buy his mother two expensive suits from the trendy store in town. The women in the store laughed at him at first, until he pulled out the money he worked hard to earn by cleaning up at a local restaurant. When Mom received the suits, she was pleased beyond belief, and wore them for years. This scene brought tears to my eyes, it was so moving.
While Mom was progressing further and further into Alzheimer’s, Clark made a significant effort to showcase his mother honestly, even when it hurt. And throughout the novel, we are able to see Mom as the person she was before her illness, through those interwoven timelines.
Clark ends the book with tips for those who experience Alzheimer’s in loved ones, both on dealing with the person themselves and taking the time to deal with your own feelings and needs.
I love how all of the profits from My Mother, My Son are going to be donated to Clark’s foundation, the Potato Soup Foundation (named after a story told in the novel) as well as the Alzheimer’s Association.
Fun fact: The author and I (as well as a few other of his relatives) have the same birthday (month and day).
If you enjoyed The End of Your Life Book Club, this memoir is one that will touch your heart. I enjoyed the close relationships among family members more than in The End of Your Life, so you might as well!
Thanks for reading,
Rebecca @ Love at First Book
My Mother, My Son is the true story of a mother’s diagnosis and advancement into Alzheimer’s, with the direct correlation to how her children’s lives were affected. Her son, Dwayne J. Clark (also the author), owns the successful Aegis Living communities for the elderly, and while it was never expected, eventually, Mom would end up calling Aegis her home.
There were three interwoven story lines, which I originally was worried would be confusing. But it was not. The story lines followed Mom from a child as she grew up, Mom older and with Dwayne as a child and growing up, and then Dwayne dealing with Mom as she progressed through her illness.
The memoir showcased Mom being her feisty self, along with her somewhat obsessive fears about being left behind by her children. She was terrified of being alone and was very dependent on her family for support. It seemed a little unhealthy at times, but you could tell the family was very close.
One moving story was about how Dwayne worked for months, saving up to buy his mother two expensive suits from the trendy store in town. The women in the store laughed at him at first, until he pulled out the money he worked hard to earn by cleaning up at a local restaurant. When Mom received the suits, she was pleased beyond belief, and wore them for years. This scene brought tears to my eyes, it was so moving.
While Mom was progressing further and further into Alzheimer’s, Clark made a significant effort to showcase his mother honestly, even when it hurt. And throughout the novel, we are able to see Mom as the person she was before her illness, through those interwoven timelines.
Clark ends the book with tips for those who experience Alzheimer’s in loved ones, both on dealing with the person themselves and taking the time to deal with your own feelings and needs.
I love how all of the profits from My Mother, My Son are going to be donated to Clark’s foundation, the Potato Soup Foundation (named after a story told in the novel) as well as the Alzheimer’s Association.
Fun fact: The author and I (as well as a few other of his relatives) have the same birthday (month and day).
If you enjoyed The End of Your Life Book Club, this memoir is one that will touch your heart. I enjoyed the close relationships among family members more than in The End of Your Life, so you might as well!
Thanks for reading,
Rebecca @ Love at First Book
August 24, 2012
'This book makes one life visible.'
Much has been written about Dwayne J. Clark's fine book MY MOTHER, MY SON and hopefully all the comments by the throngs of people profoundly moved by this memoir will encourage many more to read it. Briefly stated, the story is one of a son raised in a single parent family unit whose mother maintained a state of dignity even when the world seemed against her and her children. The one son, Dwayne (the author) benefited from his mother's courage and convictions and encouragement to stay the course despite setbacks, accepting the vision of a mother who knew he would become a significant leader. And as that came to pass in the form of the son's becoming the founder and chief of a system of assisted care homes for the aged, the irony it that his mother began her descent into Alzheimer's, Parkinsonism, and the treacherous road of dementia. Clark uses this true story, offered as a series of flashbacks and flash forwards to define the life of his mother born in India to a wealthy British family where she absorbed the vantage of the 'haves' and retained that stature throughout her life, her marriage to a man who was unable to relate to his family and left, and the many periods of adjustment that both Clark and his mother weathered. And as Clark faces the realities of his strong mother's crumbling will due to her dementia, he shares those steps of adjustment in care giving with the reader. At book's end there is an extensive section devoted to advising caregivers on how to make critical decisions, how to cope emotionally and spiritually with the deteriorating loved one, and how to nurture self in order to maintain the ability to move on. This part alone is worth purchasing the book.
But for this reader some of the more poignant aspects of Clark's writing are those that address our current standard of perception of aging. 'Too often when people get sick in this country we refer to them as their disease; The cancer patient or the diabetic. We overlook the richness of experience and personality that underlies that person. We forget their life, their contributions. We forget what lives on in all the people around them. And this is never truer than when facing the reality of memory loss, when a person slowly recedes from the identity they've manifested for so long. We need an antidote. Our society needs an antidote to this invisibility. This book makes one life visible.'
Dwayne J. Clark has fulfilled his - and his mother's! - goal in placing this book before us. This is a bridge we all will face at some point, and Clark becomes Charon to lead us across it, knowingly and with love.
Grady Harp
Much has been written about Dwayne J. Clark's fine book MY MOTHER, MY SON and hopefully all the comments by the throngs of people profoundly moved by this memoir will encourage many more to read it. Briefly stated, the story is one of a son raised in a single parent family unit whose mother maintained a state of dignity even when the world seemed against her and her children. The one son, Dwayne (the author) benefited from his mother's courage and convictions and encouragement to stay the course despite setbacks, accepting the vision of a mother who knew he would become a significant leader. And as that came to pass in the form of the son's becoming the founder and chief of a system of assisted care homes for the aged, the irony it that his mother began her descent into Alzheimer's, Parkinsonism, and the treacherous road of dementia. Clark uses this true story, offered as a series of flashbacks and flash forwards to define the life of his mother born in India to a wealthy British family where she absorbed the vantage of the 'haves' and retained that stature throughout her life, her marriage to a man who was unable to relate to his family and left, and the many periods of adjustment that both Clark and his mother weathered. And as Clark faces the realities of his strong mother's crumbling will due to her dementia, he shares those steps of adjustment in care giving with the reader. At book's end there is an extensive section devoted to advising caregivers on how to make critical decisions, how to cope emotionally and spiritually with the deteriorating loved one, and how to nurture self in order to maintain the ability to move on. This part alone is worth purchasing the book.
But for this reader some of the more poignant aspects of Clark's writing are those that address our current standard of perception of aging. 'Too often when people get sick in this country we refer to them as their disease; The cancer patient or the diabetic. We overlook the richness of experience and personality that underlies that person. We forget their life, their contributions. We forget what lives on in all the people around them. And this is never truer than when facing the reality of memory loss, when a person slowly recedes from the identity they've manifested for so long. We need an antidote. Our society needs an antidote to this invisibility. This book makes one life visible.'
Dwayne J. Clark has fulfilled his - and his mother's! - goal in placing this book before us. This is a bridge we all will face at some point, and Clark becomes Charon to lead us across it, knowingly and with love.
Grady Harp
April 21, 2012
My Mother, My Son is a touching memoir. Taking a journey with the Clark family, from the fun times Dwayne spent with his mother to the turbulent times when she begins her own fight with Alzheimer's, this is a hard-to-put-down book. I have a friend whom's life has been turned inside out as her mother slowly loses herself to the disease. Not only is it hard for the person themself, but the emotional turmoil it can do to a family is heart-breaking. This book is well-worth the read to anyone who is struggling with someone they know with the disease, or if you're like me, a mother with a son. A bond that transcends time, a mother always wants the best for her child. A brave, brutal, honest and yet inspiring novel that will edge its way into your heart.
October 13, 2019
I wish I had read this book prior to dealing with loved ones with Alzheimer's. I enjoyed the entire book - the present and the flashbacks. The best part of the book, however, for those just beginning the journey with a loved one's diagnosis of Alzheimer's/dementia is the very last chapter - Fourteen Guidelines For The Journey. I foresee myself sharing this book and especially the 14 guidelines, although I pray that I will see the day that this will not be necessary.
July 8, 2012
The book was a book about a son's struggle with dealing with his mom's Alzheimer's disease. As helpful as it was in showing his dealing with the disease, I felt it jumped around too much. From present time, to her life as a child, to present time, to his life growing up etc. However, with an aging parent, I will keep this book close at hand.
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June 14, 2012I enjoyed this book. It is about a man's experiences while his mother is dealing with Alzheimer's
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews