- Please sit down.
- Thank you Prime Minister.
- Now, as I think you heard from Carrie, we may have a little job for you.
- Yes sir.
- Carrie tells me you like to read.
- Yes sir, I do.
- Good! Then I wonder if you've read Ayn Rand's novel Atlas Shrugged.
- I have read that book sir.
- And why did you read it?
- Well sir, so many of my American friends, particularly those - ah, to the right of the political spectrum -
- Exactly. If you're an American with conservative values, the book you're most likely to say you've been influenced by is the Bible, and the second most likely is Atlas Shrugged.
- Yes sir.
- Did you think it was a good book?
- Ah -
- Please be frank.
- Well, in that case sir, I didn't. To the British reader, it comes across as rather appallingly, how shall I put it -
- American?
- Ah, yes sir.
- All the same, you agree that it does a fine job of conveying the moral virtues of being as selfish as possible. The very bedrock of conservative philosophy. And it presents female voters with a beautiful, empowered heroine they can identify with.
- Yes sir, it does all that. But -
- Too American.
- Yes sir.
- British conservatives won't read it.
- No sir. Very few of them.
- So, here's my question. Is there any similar book which British conservatives might read? In particular, female ones. I assume you've seen the latest bloody focus group figures.
- Yes sir.
- Well? Please take your time and consider it carefully.
- Ah, sir, in fact I do have a suggestion.
- Yes?
- It's a 1943 novel called Forever Amber. By Kathleen Winsor. Maybe you know it?
- Restoration bodice-ripper, I believe?
- Sir, with all respect, that's very unfair to Ms Winsor's book. It may formally be a trashy historical romance, but I'm prepared to claim that it's every bit as philosophical as Ayn Rand's novel. And it argues for essentially the same position.
- Namely?
- Well sir, Amber's an ambitious girl, but she's been brought up on a farm. Her only future prospect is to marry another farmer and have a lot of children. She's beautiful, she's smart, she wants more. She meets a dashing nobleman and persuades him to take her away with him to London.
- She wants to level up then?
- Ah yes sir, you could put it that way.
- So what happens when she gets to London?
- Well, unfortunately, the nobleman, Lord Carlton, has to leave soon. He's headed West.
- He's a businessman?
- Not exactly sir -
- An entrepreneur?
- Ah, actually sir he's a privateer.
- A privateer?
- Yes sir. With the government's permission, he attacks foreign merchant ships and steals their cargo.
- These would be European ships?
- Yes sir. Primarily Spanish and Dutch ships.
- So he's strongly Eurosceptic and has a buccaneering business model?
- I, ah, I suppose you could -
- Would the Holland of the time have included Brussels?
- I'm, er, I'm not quite sure sir, I think the Spanish Netherlands -
- But you could say that?
- Well, possibly -
- Let's get back to Amber. What happens to when Lord Carlton leaves on his business trip?
- Initially, things don't go well. She's taken in by some tricksters and ends up in debtor's prison. But she's beautiful and resourceful and she gets out. She soon learns how to use her talents to get what she wants from men.
- Not hampered by old-fashioned ideas about ethics then?
- No sir. She's willing to say anything, do anything, tell any lies if it helps her get ahead. And it works. She ends up as King Charles II's favourite mistress and extremely rich and powerful.
- How is Charles II portrayed?
- Corrupt through and through sir. Only interested in women and partying. Completely incompetent at running the country. But popular. The people adore him.
- I must say that I have underestimated this book.
- Thank you sir.
- One last question. What is Amber's hair colour?
- She's a natural blonde sir.
- Sold.
- Sir?
- We're printing fifty thousand copies and distributing them free at the conference. Can we arrange a BBC series?
- I'll contact them right away sir.
- I'm counting on you to make this happen.
- I won't let you down sir.
- Good man. Move!