The Adoptive & Foster Parent Guide: How to Heal Your Child's Trauma and Loss

by Carol Lozier

Lonely? Feeling judged? Parenting an adopted or foster child may be the hardest work you will ever do! In addition, families experience a lack of understanding from family, friends, and their community.


"The Adoptive & Foster Parent Guide" is a supportive and loving guide for families. The book is an easy read, and explains ideas through stories, scripts, and practical strategies. "The Adoptive & Foster Parent Guide" teaches families as well as professionals, in a step by step approach, how to heal a child’s past trauma and loss. "The Adoptive & Foster Parent Guide" touches on many topics, including: attachment styles (attachment disorder), dysfunctional family patterns unique to adoption and fostering, birth families, how to create healthy attachment, maintaining calm, and managing a team of professionals.

The print version of the book is listed at www.forever-families.com

Genres: Adoption, Parenting, Nonfiction, Fostering

130 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 12, 2012

About the author

Carol Lozier, MSW is a clinical social worker in private practice in Louisville, Kentucky. She graduated from Florida State University in 1989, and is licensed in the state of Kentucky. She has spent over twenty years counseling children and families, specializing in adoption and foster care issues. She is passionate about helping children heal from past trauma and loss.

Carol has written several articles, authors a blog, and is a contributing author to The Foster Parenting Toolbox (EMK Press, 2012). Carol’s website, www.forever-families.com offers a biweekly blog, free downloadable tools for families, an excerpt of her book, and a supportive community of adoptive and foster parents.

Reviews

[Staci · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really like a lot of this, and feel like this "choose your own adventure" workbook approach is a new and helpful tool on the tool box for parents dealing with trauma and attachment issues. A lot of the strategies to help parents are verbal-based, which starts getting helpful after age 3 for some after 4. So for little ones, this book is less helpful. For older kids, this could be a life saver.

I really love that every page has tips and tricks and insights to help a general knowledge of attachment, trauma, ideas for dealing with little things. This is certainly a book that one uses more like a manual than a "read through." It is easy to jump from place to place as the author carefully maps it with sentences ending ...for working through x y z, see chapter 7. In fact, The cross referencing makes it a a little "rough" as a read through book, but for parents looking for advice and help on specific behaviors and problems, it's genius. There is not another book like this.

[Maranda Russell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although I normally only review children’s books, I do occasionally make an exception for a book that I can really relate to, and I can definitely relate to “The Adoptive & Foster Parent Guide” written by Carol Lozier, MSW.LCSW.

As a foster/potential adoptive parent myself, I can say that far too many resources written about the subject of adoption and foster care are clinical and boring. I have read many of these books in hopes of finding some useful, practical information about the issues I face daily working with troubled kids, but have often been disappointed. However, “The Adoptive & Foster Parent Guide” did not disappoint in any way, in fact, I found it to be one of the best resources out there.

So what makes the book so great? First off, it is accessible and easy to use. As the introduction explains, the book is formatted with a magazine style that makes it easy for busy, stressed-out parents to browse through when they want a little inspiration or need information on a particular subject. I did read the book cover to cover, but there are parts of the book I marked and highlighted that I know I will likely return to again and again.

Secondly, the book is filled with advice and knowledge that real people can relate to while they are in the trenches fighting to help the traumatized children who have come into their lives. The part of the book on the various attachment styles was excellent, in fact, I wish it was required reading for every person who obtains a foster or adoption license. Far too many well-meaning people go into foster care and adoption with no real understanding of attachment issues. Without this crucial knowledge, it is nearly impossible to help traumatized children or create a healthy home life for the entire family.

Lastly, the book addresses issues that cause many foster or adoptive parents to burn out or even give up. Self-care is sometimes entirely left out of the equation when parents try to solve problems, but the truth is that if you don’t take good care of yourself, you won’t be able to care for others in a healthy way. If you continue to neglect your own physical, emotional and mental health, you are bound to add to the problems you and your family are facing instead of solving them.

Overall, this is a great book, one that I would whole-heartedly recommend to anyone who works with troubled children or wishes to do so.

[Gayle Swift · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a coach to adoptive and foster families, I constantly search for books to assist me and the families I serve. “The Adoptive and Foster Parent Guide, How to Heal Your Child’s Trauma and Loss” is a wonderful addition to the resources I recommend. I found myself adding colored tabs to highlight sections that I knew I wanted to share with my colleagues in my adoption coaching practice. I could envision using sections of the book with client families.
I wish Carol Lozier’s book had been available when I was raising my now-adult children. Her Guide is important, especially for families who live in areas—like us—where adoption and trauma-informed specialists are not available. The book is written in a straight-forward style that is practical and easy to understand. Because it is compact, overwhelmed parents can read it quickly and put the suggestions to work immediately.
Carol writes in a manner that is informative, compassionate, and encouraging. She understands that adoptive parenting is different from bio-parenting and requires adoption-appropriate techniques. She shares tools that parents can use to educate themselves, family and friends. This helps to create a team that supports the family instead of critics who sit in judgment.
Highlights of the book include
• a list of behaviors that suggest when a child is acting from trauma/adoption issues.
• Exercises for helping children identify and name their feelings or use colors to code them in non-verbal ways.
• Handling misbehaviors as symptoms not as the actual problem.
• What is Normal and what is history related?
Carol Lozier’s book is practical and insightful. She addresses issues that all adoptive parents consider. When I finished Carol’s book, I had additional tools for working with adoptive families and felt encouraged, and supported by her book. “The Adoptive & Foster Parent Guide, How to Heal Your Child’s Trauma” is a gem. Add it to your collection. You will be glad you did. Both you and your child will benefit.

[Nickie Mariager-Lam · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn't expect to like this book as much as I ended up doing! I think that the main thing that sets this book apart from many other adoption books, is that instead of just pointing out all the issues that adopted children and their families might face, it actually provides guidance on how to work through these issues as a family in order to help and guide the child to be more confident in figuring out where certain emotions erupt from and how to express these feelings in a more productive way.

[Justagerl · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this book, and would definitely recommend it. I did a review of this book on my blog, and is a little lengthy, so I didn't want to post it here. Feel free to visit and check out what I had to say.

http://livinglovingandlettinggo.wordp...

[Pam Bierbaum · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book!!!! 💙 Please share!!!! I have been looking for this for many years!! It is so practical in identifying attachment struggles and gives a detailed script in what to say and projects to help heal.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have had Carol Lozier's new book, The Adoptive and Foster Parent Guide: How to
Heal Your Child's Trauma and Loss, for about a month now and Ive just finished
my third time reading through it. I did so because i wanted to absorb each
element of advice Carol offers so that i can help my children heal. This book is
so chocked full of wonderful information and inspiration that i have already
begun to implement her techniques quite effortlesslyin our home. In this short
time we have already experienced progress and success. I have probably read, at
least once, most all of the books on the market regarding attachment and its
disorders since we brought our son home in 2006 and our daughter in 2008.What i
find so refreshingly different about Carol' book is that she doesnt get caught
up in the diagnosis or the science or the statistics of the outcome of children
who have come from trauma and loss, she just clearly and concisely focusses on
helping us to help our children while supporting and relating to us, as "normal"
parents who see the bright light in our wounded child but have no idea how to
reach it!
My husband and i have flown all over the country searching for help in trying to
help us figure out why our daughters behaviors were so extreme and why she was
so hyper vigilant in what we thought was a loving and safe home we provided for
her. We attended camps, met with local professionals and even though the
diagnosis of RAD was repeated over and over again there was no resolution or
guidance to help us to help her. We were extremely disheartened as we listened
time and time again to the reiteration of what she had but very little hope
about her prognosis or steps to try and reach and soothe her. When we were
offered advice about how to help her, many measures we felt were quite punitive.
It made little sense to us how using isolation and control would help her to
learn to trust us and to feel safe.
What I love so much about Carol's book is that she told us not only the why, but
the how and she does it in simple, compassionate and uncomplicated steps that
you can start today. This book is teaches us how to reach our wounded and scared
children, how to understand their behaviors and how to see behind them so we can
help them to process more clearly and communicate with us what their real needs
are instead of trying to get them met in an inappropriate or dangerous ways.
Carol's method and philosophy can help parents to help our children even when
our kids do not have the ability to articulate their needs or fears.In Carol's
new book i have learned simple steps,which she clearly explains to address past
and perceived present trauma.This book is wonderful because it doesnt worry
about the diagnosis it just treats children who have suffered so much in the
past to learn healthy new ways to communicate, get their needs met in healthy
ways and most importantly offers parents the tools to be the lifeline for our
children, buiding trust and relationship that leads to healthy attachment and
being aboe to feel the love, we want so much to provide. Carol has provided a
much needed and important resource in how to gently,compassionately and
effectively help our children's broken hearts!

[Gayle Swift · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a coach to adoptive and foster families, I constantly search for books to assist me and the families I serve. "The Adoptive and Foster Parent Guide, How to Heal Your Child's Trauma and Loss" is a wonderful addition to the resources I recommend. I found myself adding colored tabs to highlight sections that I knew I wanted to share with my colleagues in my adoption coaching practice. I could envision using sections of the book with client families.
I wish Carol Lozier's book had been available when I was raising my now-adult children. Her Guide is important, especially for families who live in areas--like us--where adoption and trauma-informed specialists are not available. The book is written in a straight-forward style that is practical and easy to understand. Because it is compact, overwhelmed parents can read it quickly and put the suggestions to work immediately.
Carol writes in a manner that is informative, compassionate, and encouraging. She understands that adoptive parenting is different from bio-parenting and requires adoption-appropriate techniques. She shares tools that parents can use to educate themselves, family and friends. This helps to create a team that supports the family instead of critics who sit in judgment.
Highlights of the book include
* a list of behaviors that suggest when a child is acting from trauma/adoption issues.
* Exercises for helping children identify and name their feelings or use colors to code them in non-verbal ways.
* Handling misbehaviors as symptoms not as the actual problem.
* What is Normal and what is history related?
Carol Lozier's book is practical and insightful. She addresses issues that all adoptive parents consider. When I finished Carol's book, I had additional tools for working with adoptive families and felt encouraged, and supported by her book. "The Adoptive & Foster Parent Guide, How to Heal Your Child's Trauma" is a gem. Add it to your collection. You will be glad you did. Both you and your child will benefit.--Gayle H. Swift, author, "ABC, Adoption & Me: A Multicultural Picture Book, adoption coach, adoptive parent and co-founder of GIFT Family Services

[Minnie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been following Carol on Twitter for some time now and have always found that she shared valuable tips and information regarding foster parenting and adoption. When I realized she had written a book, I just knew I had to read it!

Carol’s book, “The Adoptive & Foster Parent Guide” is perfect for those considering foster care or adoption as well as for those with more experience! Just in reading through the Tables of Contents, I could see that she would cover some of the burning questions I have found myself asking over the past few months since we transitioned a sibling group in to our home. In reading through the book, she provided many examples, questions and exercises to uniquely personalize the experience to our own children.

This book is written in an easy to understand format, making it more relatable. Some of my favorite topics included:

Defining the 4 Attachment Styles- This is the #1 struggle I feel I face as an adoptive parent. How will I know when my adoptive children have attached? Carol’s thorough list of examples for each attachment type has helped me to more clearly see where we are in this process.
Roles of Family Triangles- I know its common that adopted children will naturally become closer to one parent over another, but are there things I can do to change that? To build both relationships simultaneously? Carol has give me some new insight and tools in this chapter!
Behavior Plans & Charts- This terminology rolls off the tongues of the staff in group homes but meant nothing to me until I read Carol’s book. I feel like I now know how and why to implement a behavior plan!
Defining the Team Roles- Our team is at an almost unmanageable size between the two children in our care. This section clearly defines who should be involved and what their role is. This is definitely a reference tool I will refer to over and over.
I would highly recommend this book to any foster or adoptive parents looking for a practical idea-driven approach to parenting foster or adoptive children with complicated traumas.

[Renee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful! An easy read with insightful and much needed perspective!