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Bringing in Finn: An Extraordinary Surrogacy Story
In February 2011, 61-year-old Kristine Casey delivered the greatest gift of all to her daughter, Sara Sara’s son, Finnean. At that moment, Kristine—the gestational carrier of Sara and her husband Bill’s child—became the oldest woman ever to give birth in Chicago.
Bringing in Finn is the incredible story of one woman’s hard-fought and often painful journey to motherhood. In this achingly honest memoir, Connell recounts the tragedy and heartbreak of losing pregnancies; the process of opening her heart and mind to the idea of her 61-year-old mother carrying her child for her; and the profound bond that blossomed between mother and daughter as a result of their unique experience together.
Moving, inspiring, and ultimately triumphant, Bringing in Finn is an extraordinary tale of despair, hope, forgiveness, and redemption—and the discovery that when it comes to unconditional love, there are no limits to what can be achieved.
Bringing in Finn is the incredible story of one woman’s hard-fought and often painful journey to motherhood. In this achingly honest memoir, Connell recounts the tragedy and heartbreak of losing pregnancies; the process of opening her heart and mind to the idea of her 61-year-old mother carrying her child for her; and the profound bond that blossomed between mother and daughter as a result of their unique experience together.
Moving, inspiring, and ultimately triumphant, Bringing in Finn is an extraordinary tale of despair, hope, forgiveness, and redemption—and the discovery that when it comes to unconditional love, there are no limits to what can be achieved.
336 pages, Hardcover
First published September 1, 2012
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 81 reviews
August 13, 2012
Incredibly moving tale of a 61-year old mother who offers to carry the child of her daughter and son-in-law, who've had great difficulty carrying a pregnancy to term. I sympathized very much with Sara Connell: my own relationship with my mom was fairly distant, and it did improve vastly after the birth of my first child. Ms Connell charts the trials and emotional upheavals of finally bringing Finn, her child, into their lives with an honesty that is compelling and raw.
And yet, and yet. While I felt very much for all the participants, the experience of reading this book was like being forced into close quarters with an annoyingly neurotic person. It's nice that Ms Connell acknowledges that she's got a lot of work to do on herself, but my stoic nature had little patience with her drama. As Ms Connell herself admits, she's always been very emotional and sensitive. The experience of reading her memoir is thus exhausting, because there's so much that feels self-inflicted and egocentric. I was especially grossed out by the dramatastic bit when her mom was held for observation immediately after delivering Finn. "How could no one have told [me and my husband]?" Ms Connell whines, and afterwards, "I forgave [the doctor] for not telling us what had been happening all those hours." I understand that she's greatly concerned for her mother -- because who wouldn't be? -- but that's not how it comes across, especially since a) her mother's spouse was there the entire time, b) the doctor's primary concern was and should be the patient, not her emotionally needy daughter, and c) it was just for observation while the newborn baby was with Ms Connell and her husband. Calm down, lady, not everything has to be about you.
But, y'know, that's fine: her being neurotic is a personality trait, and who she is, and while I wouldn't want to hang out with her on a regular basis, that doesn't devalue from the book at all. What does detract from it, however, was her appalling lack of knowledge when it came to actual childbirthing issues. She seems like an intelligent person, so I can only attribute this to a willful ignorance of the process. I get that she wanted to spare her mother pain by going as quickly as possible to a Cesarean, but that's a far riskier procedure than birthing naturally, with greater potential for complications and a much longer recovery time. The attitude she threw at the doctors for being reluctant to perform it until they felt the rewards outweighed the risks was obnoxious. And then the bit about binding breasts to stop lactation: I'm not sure what kind of terrible advice they got from their lactation consultant, but that's a guaranteed recipe for mastitis, with little benefit compared to just not nursing. What's especially maddening is that none of this information is hard to find (and don't get me started on the fondness for general anesthesia.) Ironically, the holistic remedies she described were all really well researched: the contrast makes her ignorance otherwise look stunningly lazy. I get that her background is in homeopathy, and that she was in a tizzy about the whole childbirth thing because it's such a complicated, emotional process, but that's seriously no excuse to not educate yourself, particularly over the course of the 7 years it took.
Anyway, this is a great book for people who want to read about mother-daughter bonding, and about unusual surrogacies, and about how some people manage to overcome obstacles to bring beloved children into the world. I wouldn't recommend it, however, if you don't have a lot of patience for drama llamas. I think I would have enjoyed this a lot more if it had been written from the point of view of Kris Casey, Ms Connell's mother, who sounds like a much more sensible person, both in the main body of the book and in the interview attached to the end.
Bringing In Finn is an extraordinary story. The fact that I occasionally wanted to shake sense into the narrator -- and don't get me wrong, she does seem like a nice person who's trying her best to overcome her persecution complex -- didn't detract from it too much.
I received this book gratis as part of ELLE Magazine's ELLE's Lettres Jurors' Prize program.
And yet, and yet. While I felt very much for all the participants, the experience of reading this book was like being forced into close quarters with an annoyingly neurotic person. It's nice that Ms Connell acknowledges that she's got a lot of work to do on herself, but my stoic nature had little patience with her drama. As Ms Connell herself admits, she's always been very emotional and sensitive. The experience of reading her memoir is thus exhausting, because there's so much that feels self-inflicted and egocentric. I was especially grossed out by the dramatastic bit when her mom was held for observation immediately after delivering Finn. "How could no one have told [me and my husband]?" Ms Connell whines, and afterwards, "I forgave [the doctor] for not telling us what had been happening all those hours." I understand that she's greatly concerned for her mother -- because who wouldn't be? -- but that's not how it comes across, especially since a) her mother's spouse was there the entire time, b) the doctor's primary concern was and should be the patient, not her emotionally needy daughter, and c) it was just for observation while the newborn baby was with Ms Connell and her husband. Calm down, lady, not everything has to be about you.
But, y'know, that's fine: her being neurotic is a personality trait, and who she is, and while I wouldn't want to hang out with her on a regular basis, that doesn't devalue from the book at all. What does detract from it, however, was her appalling lack of knowledge when it came to actual childbirthing issues. She seems like an intelligent person, so I can only attribute this to a willful ignorance of the process. I get that she wanted to spare her mother pain by going as quickly as possible to a Cesarean, but that's a far riskier procedure than birthing naturally, with greater potential for complications and a much longer recovery time. The attitude she threw at the doctors for being reluctant to perform it until they felt the rewards outweighed the risks was obnoxious. And then the bit about binding breasts to stop lactation: I'm not sure what kind of terrible advice they got from their lactation consultant, but that's a guaranteed recipe for mastitis, with little benefit compared to just not nursing. What's especially maddening is that none of this information is hard to find (and don't get me started on the fondness for general anesthesia.) Ironically, the holistic remedies she described were all really well researched: the contrast makes her ignorance otherwise look stunningly lazy. I get that her background is in homeopathy, and that she was in a tizzy about the whole childbirth thing because it's such a complicated, emotional process, but that's seriously no excuse to not educate yourself, particularly over the course of the 7 years it took.
Anyway, this is a great book for people who want to read about mother-daughter bonding, and about unusual surrogacies, and about how some people manage to overcome obstacles to bring beloved children into the world. I wouldn't recommend it, however, if you don't have a lot of patience for drama llamas. I think I would have enjoyed this a lot more if it had been written from the point of view of Kris Casey, Ms Connell's mother, who sounds like a much more sensible person, both in the main body of the book and in the interview attached to the end.
Bringing In Finn is an extraordinary story. The fact that I occasionally wanted to shake sense into the narrator -- and don't get me wrong, she does seem like a nice person who's trying her best to overcome her persecution complex -- didn't detract from it too much.
I received this book gratis as part of ELLE Magazine's ELLE's Lettres Jurors' Prize program.
March 28, 2021
I remember hearing about this surrogacy back when it happened, and when my library "suggested " it for me I thought what the heck, I'll try it. I didn't know I would be crying so much! First real tears of sadness for what Sara had to go through. Then real tears of happiness for the outcome. A very well written, inspiring story.
August 23, 2012
I was totally prepared to hate this book. The tabloidy premise, which is a non-fiction account about a woman who has difficulty carrying a pregnancy to term and uses her mother as a surrogate, could have gone horribly wrong in a lot of different ways. However, what I discovered was a very thoughtful account of the desire to mother that led the author to this very unusual decision.
The author is a life coach and speaker by trade which is probably why the book is so grounded in terms of her ability to examine her feelings and motivations in an accessible and interesting way. Although I don't have children and don't particularly want them, her very passionate writing about her desire to have a child with her husband and her pain at not being able to do so made me feel very invested in her quest.
I would warn anyone who has any sort of gynecological trauma in their past that Connell's experience of miscarriage and the multitude of doctors she deals with in her quest to have a baby might be too painful to read. However, I would highly recommend book this for someone looking to investigate what IVF or other fertility treatments entail or for anyone who is interested in thinking more broadly about the meaning of mothering in our society.
The author is a life coach and speaker by trade which is probably why the book is so grounded in terms of her ability to examine her feelings and motivations in an accessible and interesting way. Although I don't have children and don't particularly want them, her very passionate writing about her desire to have a child with her husband and her pain at not being able to do so made me feel very invested in her quest.
I would warn anyone who has any sort of gynecological trauma in their past that Connell's experience of miscarriage and the multitude of doctors she deals with in her quest to have a baby might be too painful to read. However, I would highly recommend book this for someone looking to investigate what IVF or other fertility treatments entail or for anyone who is interested in thinking more broadly about the meaning of mothering in our society.
July 30, 2023
Uff
Qué tanto es el deseo de maternar?
Qué tanto dinero tengo que tener para poder acceder a los procedimientos para poder maternar?
Por qué querer ser madre?
Hasta donde se pone el cuerpo en el gestor y parir?
Quién Materna?
Qué doloroso! Por qué continúa?
Violencia obstétrica
Todo esto me pregunté mientras leí este libro.
Qué tanto es el deseo de maternar?
Qué tanto dinero tengo que tener para poder acceder a los procedimientos para poder maternar?
Por qué querer ser madre?
Hasta donde se pone el cuerpo en el gestor y parir?
Quién Materna?
Qué doloroso! Por qué continúa?
Violencia obstétrica
Todo esto me pregunté mientras leí este libro.
September 5, 2021
All Sara Connell wanted was to be a mom. But, the universe didn't seem to want it for her.
A poignant story of how a couple tries for six years to have a baby — miscarriages, stillbirth, failed IVF attempts... The story is a tad depressing at times, especially when you have been through a miscarriage yourself.
Spoiler alert (it's on the back cover, and anywhere else you read about the book): Sara's 59 year old mother, whom Sara doesn't always feel connected to, offers to carry Sara and Bill's biological child.
It isn't always smooth sailing, and I will leave those details for you to read. But, in the end, Sara gets her dream come true, a healthy baby boy named Finn, with 10 fingers and 10 toes. She and her mother become bonded for life, and not once does the grandmother think of Finn as her own, but rather she's babysitting for nine months!
It also touches on meditation, Eastern medicine and the mind-body connection (and of course, Western, as Sara and her mom have to take countless shots and estrogen pills), which is something I have become quite interested in. Sara, a life coach, teaches her students about vision boards, and believes they worked. Ironically, Sara's mom, Kristine's idea to carry her grandson stems from a vision board she made for the first time at one of Sara's classes.
I highly recommend this book. It was a quick read for me, and the overwhelming amount of love Finn has around him will make you shed a tear.
A poignant story of how a couple tries for six years to have a baby — miscarriages, stillbirth, failed IVF attempts... The story is a tad depressing at times, especially when you have been through a miscarriage yourself.
Spoiler alert (it's on the back cover, and anywhere else you read about the book): Sara's 59 year old mother, whom Sara doesn't always feel connected to, offers to carry Sara and Bill's biological child.
It isn't always smooth sailing, and I will leave those details for you to read. But, in the end, Sara gets her dream come true, a healthy baby boy named Finn, with 10 fingers and 10 toes. She and her mother become bonded for life, and not once does the grandmother think of Finn as her own, but rather she's babysitting for nine months!
It also touches on meditation, Eastern medicine and the mind-body connection (and of course, Western, as Sara and her mom have to take countless shots and estrogen pills), which is something I have become quite interested in. Sara, a life coach, teaches her students about vision boards, and believes they worked. Ironically, Sara's mom, Kristine's idea to carry her grandson stems from a vision board she made for the first time at one of Sara's classes.
I highly recommend this book. It was a quick read for me, and the overwhelming amount of love Finn has around him will make you shed a tear.
February 9, 2022
What an amazing story! Sara Connell's writing was impressive - she used phrases that were so compelling that I found myself reading them over and over again. The details that she remembered from numerous appointments over the years - names of individuals and their personalities, descriptions of surroundings, etc. were remarkable. She must have journaled throughout that time to be able to document the events so clearly.
And the story itself.......so compelling that I couldn't put it down, even though it was heart wrenching and I sobbed throughout much of it. Both she and her mother are amazing, strong women and I admire them greatly. And the husbands of these women were also amazing in their own right. Sara's husband, Bill was supportive and also persevered throughout their long journey. Sara's mother, Kristine, was the gestational mother at the age of 61 for Sara and Bill's baby. Her husband supported his wife's desire to help Sara and Bill have a child. I'm not sure many men would appreciate having their 61 year old wives go through pregnancy at that age.
This was an incredible book and I highly recommend it.
And the story itself.......so compelling that I couldn't put it down, even though it was heart wrenching and I sobbed throughout much of it. Both she and her mother are amazing, strong women and I admire them greatly. And the husbands of these women were also amazing in their own right. Sara's husband, Bill was supportive and also persevered throughout their long journey. Sara's mother, Kristine, was the gestational mother at the age of 61 for Sara and Bill's baby. Her husband supported his wife's desire to help Sara and Bill have a child. I'm not sure many men would appreciate having their 61 year old wives go through pregnancy at that age.
This was an incredible book and I highly recommend it.
July 26, 2022
This was a very difficult book to read but nonetheless informative, poignant and heart-wrenching at times. A true story of how a young couple struggles with infertility and how her mother (spoiler) comes through to be a surrogate for her. I was very touched at how open and willing her mother was to take on this huge task. After all, it wasn't like running to the store to do a few errands, it was a huge "favor"- sacrificing her body, peace of mind and time. But, I'm sure if any of us were given the opportunity, we'd probably jump at it in a minute without hesitation (well, maybe not ALL of us). I enjoyed the read and it opened my eyes to the long, drawn out procedures couples have to go through, the unrelenting hope and devastation (or joy) of the outcome. It did get a little drawn out with the description of every last appointment and every last detail of what they did to finally get pregnant. But then again, that's the point of the story.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 4, 2018
Captivating and heart wrenching account of the struggles of infertility, miscarriage and stilbirth yet a love story of a couple who promised and remained committed through their journey and its ups and extreme lows. The "big picture" being their key word to remind themselves to stay focused and thankful. A mother's love is unending and one mother wanted so much for her daughter to feel that love in her arms gave her daughter the ultimate gift.
It was hard to put this one down and it keeps me wondering how Kristine, Sara, Bill and sweet baby Finn are doing today.
Hearing this story actually read by the author is amazing and you really feel the gut punch of her loss and the anticipation of every test result.
I'm so happy I came across this phenomenal find!
It was hard to put this one down and it keeps me wondering how Kristine, Sara, Bill and sweet baby Finn are doing today.
Hearing this story actually read by the author is amazing and you really feel the gut punch of her loss and the anticipation of every test result.
I'm so happy I came across this phenomenal find!
August 22, 2019
It is simply an amazing story of pain, triumph, the mother/daughter relationship, and the ability and imperfection of the human body.
I do feel like Sara went through more pain, jealousy, and stages of grief during her mother's pregnancy than she let on. From personal experience I know how hard it is to see other people, especially those close to you, pregnant and having children when you have lost a pregnancy or baby.
*** This book might hit a nerve if you are annoyed by people who mistrust modern medicine and constantly question the knowledge of physicians. At many points Sara mistrusts the guidance of modern medicine but then is easily able to trust WebMD for all its knowledge [eyeroll]***
I do feel like Sara went through more pain, jealousy, and stages of grief during her mother's pregnancy than she let on. From personal experience I know how hard it is to see other people, especially those close to you, pregnant and having children when you have lost a pregnancy or baby.
*** This book might hit a nerve if you are annoyed by people who mistrust modern medicine and constantly question the knowledge of physicians. At many points Sara mistrusts the guidance of modern medicine but then is easily able to trust WebMD for all its knowledge [eyeroll]***
May 4, 2020
I found the "scienecy" explanations of the process of IVF to be a bit boring as it was familiar. I think from the time that the book was published to now there has been a lot more conversation about fertility challenges and the process of IVF, thanks to women like Sara sharing their stories. I would have liked maybe a bit more technical explanations. I could feel Sara's woundedness through her writing in that in the early parts of the book I could sense the victim perspective. By the end I think that she wrote about he growth out of that mindset well. I'm not sure that I would recommend this book to anyone. I learned some new stuff but didn't find it particularly enlightening. It is a unique story though.
April 12, 2019
This amazing book is a well-written story that made it hard for me to put the book down. It is a first-person account of a woman who has tried everything to have a baby. When her 60-year old mom steps up and offers to carry her baby as a surrogate, I was moved by the unconditional love and strong bond between mother and daughter.
I really enjoyed the author's descriptions of Chicago's weather extremes. I could almost feel the gusts of cold winter winds as well as the oppressive heat of Chicago summers!
Thank you to the author, her husband, her mom and her dad for sharing this extraordinary journey with us. Finn is truly a miracle. It is a definite GoodRead!!!!
I really enjoyed the author's descriptions of Chicago's weather extremes. I could almost feel the gusts of cold winter winds as well as the oppressive heat of Chicago summers!
Thank you to the author, her husband, her mom and her dad for sharing this extraordinary journey with us. Finn is truly a miracle. It is a definite GoodRead!!!!
September 20, 2019
3.5 star book. Interesting story about a women's journey thru infertility and surrogacy. I know how painful infertility issues can be and when you add the physical and emotional pain of treatment as well as the financial burden it really is so difficult!! I thought the story got a little tedious at time but I had such compassion for all that she went thru I was glad to read thru her journey and learn of the final out come. What a gift surrogacy was in this case particularly beautiful blessing!!!
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IG - - - Audiogirl.booking.it
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IG - - - Audiogirl.booking.it
May 17, 2020
Talk about emotional! This book pulls at your heart strings in every way imaginable. I can’t even count how many times I got misty eyed while reading this. This book is incredible in the way that the journey this family endured was both difficult and amazing and a genuinely unique experience while still reading like a work of fiction. The descriptions and the details makes you feel like you were a part of the story. Very beautifully written and such an incredible book. A must read for those intrigued by pregnancy/fertility.
February 21, 2024
What an incredible story of perseverance, resilience, and unconditional love.
Sara Connell wants nothing more than to be a mother. In this deeply personal memoir, she recounts the heartbreak of multiple miscarriages, intense fertility treatments (for years), and finally, an incredibly unique surrogacy.
This book is not just for mothers or mothers-to-be, it's for anyone who believes in not giving up to achieve their dreams. To find a way. And to look for the love and support around you to make it happen.
Sara, you're a rockstar, and as for your mother... damn, she's a goddess!
Sara Connell wants nothing more than to be a mother. In this deeply personal memoir, she recounts the heartbreak of multiple miscarriages, intense fertility treatments (for years), and finally, an incredibly unique surrogacy.
This book is not just for mothers or mothers-to-be, it's for anyone who believes in not giving up to achieve their dreams. To find a way. And to look for the love and support around you to make it happen.
Sara, you're a rockstar, and as for your mother... damn, she's a goddess!
July 1, 2025
Amazing story. Amazing that it is true. I had no idea any of this was even possible and I learned it actually happened. Not sure how much to say here but a woman cannot get pregnant and then carry the baby to full term and delivery and then a new plan is hatched and she ends up with her baby. It is too unbelievable to tell you exactly how it all works out but it is not a sad story. It is a life affirming story and the author reads it and keeps you on the edge of your seat. Worthwhile read.
December 29, 2025
“Lying there, I remembered a talk I’d seen by an artist in Chicago. I’d forgotten her name but remembered with clarity her saying that she had come to a point in her process where she almost exclusively followed her wildest-sounding ideas. ‘I believe the crazy ideas are my truest inspiration,’ she’d said. ‘They are the ones that have become my greatest successes.’”
a crazy and beautiful story, a great start to my thesis research, but not the best-written memoir I’ve ever read. learned a ton about reproductive health though, so always a plus.
a crazy and beautiful story, a great start to my thesis research, but not the best-written memoir I’ve ever read. learned a ton about reproductive health though, so always a plus.
December 21, 2017
Although the story is memorable, reading it is exhausting. I feel for all that Sara went through during her fertility journey, but I also worry about Finn in the coming years. It comes across that Sara still has a lot of work to do on herself and her emotional needs and perceptions? Will she visit these difficulties on her son???
November 21, 2020
Another hard one to review. Ultimately a touching story about motherhood; becoming a mother and mother/daughter relationships. But the detached version of how it was told did not make me a great ally of the author. Almost gave up in the first portion questioning how completely out of touch and remote the perspective was.
December 15, 2016
Loved it, medical descriptions included. Fascinating view of infertility issues and how they're dealt with. So glad Sara's mom was able to be the surrogate. The whole story left me on a real high.
April 6, 2018
I loved the surrogacy story and was touched by the grandmothers willingness to help her daughter become a mother. However, I couldn't connect very well with Sara. I cried during her stillbirths and miscarriage, but I feel like maybe her writing style wasn't suited for me as a reader.
December 27, 2019
Amazing story. Kristine an incredible, selfless woman. I hope that Sara can overcome her feelings of not being a “whole” woman. My adoptive mother never did and she had insecurities that she took out on us, her adopted daughters. We are more than our reproductive organs!
November 11, 2022
This book was so moving and well written. The story is incredible of course but she really painted a picture of what the experience was like. I really enjoyed the unexpected lessons in meditation and prayer.
January 18, 2026
A quiet hymn to motherly love - steadfast, sacrificial, and endlessly patient. It reminds us that real courage is not loud or heroic, but found in staying, believing, and loving
even when the road refuses to be easy!
even when the road refuses to be easy!
July 25, 2017
I experienced most, if not all of this.
May 12, 2018
Great story!
August 7, 2018
Was good but a little too “Zenish” for me, bordering on losing credibility.
April 5, 2019
Couldn't put it down!
An amazing and emotional rollercoaster ride! Inspiring and courageous! A heart wrenching journey of infertility and an amazing surrogacy journey!
An amazing and emotional rollercoaster ride! Inspiring and courageous! A heart wrenching journey of infertility and an amazing surrogacy journey!
June 21, 2019
A beautiful book about motherhood described in 3 generations
November 20, 2019
Great Writing! Really Enjoyable!!!
November 24, 2019
What an interesting story.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 81 reviews