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Seeing Ezra: A Mother's Story of Autism, Unconditional Love, and the Meaning of Normal

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Seeing Ezra is the soulful, beautifully written memoir of a mother’s fierce love for her autistic son, and a poignant examination of what it means to be “normal.” When Kerry Cohen’s son Ezra turns one, a babysitter suggests he may be “different,” setting her family on a path in which autism dominates their world. As he becomes a toddler and they navigate the often rigid and prescriptive world of therapy, Cohen is unsettled by the evaluations they At home, Ezra is playfully expressive, sharing profound, touching moments of connection and intimacy with his mother and other family members, but in therapy he is pathologized, prodded to behave in ways that undermine his unique expression of autism.

It soon becomes clear that more is at stake than just Ezra’s well-being; Cohen and her marriage are suffering as well. Ezra’s differentness, and the strain of pursuing varied therapies, takes a toll on the family—Cohen’s husband grows depressed and she pursues an affair—all as she tries to help others recognize and embrace Ezra’s uniqueness rather than force him to behave outside his comfort level. It isn’t until they abandon the expected, prescriptive notions about love, marriage, and individuality that they are able to come back together as two parents who fiercely love their little boy.

Powerful and eye-opening, Seeing Ezra is an inspirational chronicle of a mother’s struggle to protect her son from a system that seeks to compartmentalize and “fix” him, and of her journey toward accepting and valuing him for who he is—just as he is.

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2011

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415 people want to read

About the author

Kerry Cohen PsyD LPC

2 books2 followers

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5 stars
71 (39%)
4 stars
58 (32%)
3 stars
29 (16%)
2 stars
17 (9%)
1 star
6 (3%)
Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
Profile Image for Jane Lively.
218 reviews55 followers
February 21, 2016
For everyone who has ever misunderstood me and/or judged me as an autistic, I want to throw this book at them. Whilst Cohen is, indeed, whiny in many instances throughout this book, the never-ending battle she faces in trying to convince strangers—and even friends—nothing is wrong with her child caused me to see myself in her. When I say, "I'm autistic," I'm always handed back some lecture on how I need not use identity-first language, or how I don't "seem" autistic.

It's really hard to be an autistic. So many times, I wished I could just tell her some things that go on in my own head as an autistic—like how easier it is, sometimes, to use as little verbalisation as possible, or how soothing being in my own space, behind my closed bedroom door, can be.

"Seeing Ezra" isn't perfect; it's charming in its own way, and I want people around me who seem to be craving to understand me to read it—only so they can [hopefully] look at an allistic mother's viewpoint with her autistic child. I struggle to properly articulate what life as an autistic person is like. I've been criticized by numerous parents, and people in general, because I am "able" to have a conversation with someone online—because I have a blog and can write and dance; because I can do things their child(ren) may "never" be able to do.

The world is not kind to autistics; we're treated as if we're children of the Devil—monsters, serial killers, pedophiles—and should be given the death penalty. Many people think we should be put on our own island, away from civilization, and "fixed" so we cannot reproduce. "Experts" look at us as if we are abnormal beings—monkeys to be studied and experimented on—and all the while, we are not permitted to be angry. Autistics are judged for being themselves—for speaking out and fighting for their rights; we're judged so, so harshly by this world when we don't fit perfectly into someone's social protocols or check boxes.

Maybe Cohen's book could help people to understand that...maybe.

I rated it 3 stars because, whilst it's amazing, it's not perfect. There are flaws, and I disagree, as an autistic myself, with much of what she says—but it's not perfect. There are grammatical and punctuation errors, and I wished so often she'd have just used "and" in place of a comma, because the diction would have been more understandable. As I read further into the book, these errors became more frequent, as if editors grew lazy. At one point, a sentence lacks a period—and you can tell, because there is a capital "T" for "The". This book would have been a much easier read in the event that it was written in a sans-serif font.

This book isn't perfect.

It doesn't need to be perfect.

Through this book, Cohen restored my faith in humanity—albeit slightly—and articulated well so many of the things I have been unable to articulate properly—because I'm autistic, because there are some things I cannot adequately wrap my brain around to understand, because I am not flawless.

I tend to avoid autistic literature and movies. I enter with the expectation to exit feeling utterly insulted and dirty. My heart broke when frustrations were taken out on Ezra; I cried with relief when I read about Ezra's dentist—he wasn't strapped down, unable to move, and/or frightened for his life like I had been for my first dental visit. His parents didn't take away his special interests or the things that brought him comfort; they didn't punish him for not eating—they attempted to seek other methods—because he wasn't doing anything wrong. Creating, developing and maintaining a relationship with an autistic person requires patience, acceptance and an open mind.

If you liked this book, I recommend the movie "Snow Cake". It has an accurate, flawless depiction of an autistic woman.
Profile Image for Norma.
375 reviews4 followers
August 13, 2011
I won this book on a goodreads giveaway. There were things i loved about this book and things i didnt like. What i loved about this book was that you could really tell that she loved her children. I also like that she was willing to accept her child how he was. What i didnt like about this book was how down she was about almost everyone who came into her life. It seemed like even when people were trying to help her she was angry with them. I have worked with people with special needs and have had my own son go through the testing to be in speech therapy so i do understand some of what she is talking about, but to be in partial denial about what they are trying to tell you and do for u isnt the right response.
Profile Image for Shelli.
43 reviews
September 11, 2011
A few weeks ago I was contacted via my blog by a publicist for Seal Press. She wanted to know if I was interested in reading Seeing Ezra by Kerry Cohen, which is a book about a mom and her son with autism. I was hesitant at first. Is this legit? Why me? No one except Rainbowmummy has ever really contacted me via my blog email address. I've gotten a few other random emails and a request for an interview, but that's it. I decided to ignore the interview request when the interviewer's questions had some grammatical errors I could not ignore. Who's neurotypical now???

Anyway, I checked in with some friends who know a little something about publishing and they assured me the request was normal and just another method to get more publicity for the book. I did some checking of my own and decided to go for it.

The book arrived a few days later. I was excited to dig into it. But I was also scared. Without knowing too much about the author prior to this, I was scared I might be getting into a Jenny McCarthy type situation. I can't read that! I can't promote that nonsense. I'm a mom who wants to let my own son just be, no cure required. Sure we go to therapy, but at the end of the day, all I'm really trying to teach him is how to deal with the world around him expecting him to be someone else.

So I cautiously started the book.

Let me just say, I love this woman. She is me, but smarter. Funnier. I love how she mentions her friend's fabulous rack in the acknowledgements. That is so something I would do. Every experience she recalls, I have experienced in much the same way. Even our birthing experiences, complete with a UTI, are similar. At one point in the book she remarks how she wishes she could say, but ultimately doesn't, "Do you have a child who's autistic? No? Then shut the fuck up you frizzy haired bitch." How many times have those words been on the tip of my tongue? Too many. Far too many.

So I read.

And then I have to take a break. Because reading her words is drawing me in and taking me to a place I haven't been in a long time. A place of self doubt. A place where my marriage wasn't working. A place where I had less confidence in myself as a mom of a child with special needs. A place I didn't realize I'd really, truly moved beyond. A place where I was vulnerable. I generally love this skill in an author, but not when it's so close to home.

After a few days, I come back to the book and finish it in one sitting. And I'm so glad I did. Because Kerry Cohen's words remind me that I'm not alone. That there are other moms like me. Moms who just want the best for their sons (and daughters) on the spectrum. Moms who feel like random strangers on the street are constantly judging. Always judging. Always with suggestions. There are moms out there who don't want to cure, fix, or otherwise rewire their child. The Boy is The Boy. Ezra is Ezra. I can see that now.
Profile Image for Jen Troester.
43 reviews
December 7, 2011
I'm not going to lie...even though this is an easy read, it took me a long time to actually finish it. The whole book I just did not get. The author basically just goes on and on denying her son services bc she can't seem to accept that he has autism. It's basically just one big excuse for a parent failing her child repeatedly, bc I guess if you don't face your problems they go away? I found reading it a huge waste of time and still have no clue what her point was in writing it.
Profile Image for Pam Camel.
85 reviews1 follower
September 7, 2011
When I was asked if I would like an advance galley copy of this book to read of course I said yes. We don't turn down books in this house. I was prepared to read yet another book from a mom that was from the martyr standpoint. We all know the poor me feel bad for me autism books. This book is not that type of book. The first quote that stood out to me was " Tonight, autism comes into my house and settles into the cusions of my couch. As of tonight, autism is here to stay. It will not be leaving, not ever again." We have all been there. Autism comes and settles into our life and it will never leave.
I was drawn in from the very beginning and read this in one night. From the start you can tell she loves her kids to no end and would do anything for them and not expect anything for doing it. You come to find out that Kerry doesn't care what society thinks she should do she wants what is best for Ezra.
There is more than one story going on yet it flows. Not only is it the story about Ezra but also the story of Kerry's marriage and how it suffers. I have been there when you get so wrapped up in your child and what society thinks you should be doing your spouse kind of slips away. As she is dealing with testing her husband is slipping into depression. Never did I get the feeling that I should feel not only poor mom, but never poor Ezra.
Kerry did a brave thing that many parents will not do she told us what she was feeling during the testing sessions. That the therapists are basically nuts and say what you want but many do treat the kids as damaged rather than as kids. The debacle with the autism school will leave you wondering what the heck happened here and reminds you do your homework. Don't forget Frankenmilk. No matter how you feel about autism therapies you must read this book. For once there is a book by a parent that is not about "fixing" but rather acceptance that Ezra is who he is and that is OK.
The quote from the book I leave you with is "If this was a different kind of special needs memoir, I would find the therapy or supplement that makes Ezra all better. I would save him. But that's not our story. The Great feat in Ezra's and my story is that I do nothing. Finally I do noting. I let Ezra be who he is."
Profile Image for Tiffany Bell.
24 reviews1 follower
September 5, 2011
When receiving the chance to read this memoir I was incredibly excited but now upon completing it i feel also privileged. This story of a mothers love and intelligent pursuit of knowledge and whats best for her children is an inspiring tale which I would recommend to readers of all ages for it gives some insight to the way simple actions, regardless of the intent, can affect the people around you. As a future nurse this loving story of a family's struggle will definitely help me make better choices in my life when it comes to patients and their guardians. Thank you for having the courage to put this beautiful tale of trust, love, selflessness and the unknown in writing for the world to contemplate. From the first page I could not put this wonderful story down.
Profile Image for Tina.
98 reviews4 followers
February 1, 2018
As the mother of a toddler who has recently been diagnosed on the autism spectrum I would give this book 10 stars if I could. This book spoke straight to my heart. It was completely amazing how the things she was saying was dead on. I will be sending a note to the author of this book as well. wow absolutely moving and informational as well as empowering. I cannot say enough good about this one.
Profile Image for Skyler.
99 reviews23 followers
December 14, 2014
This book is thoroughly gratifying no matter what background you come from or what age you are. You don't have to know anything about autism nor are you required to be a mother yourself to celebrate, along with Kerry Cohen, the love she has for her younger son, Griffin and her autistic son, Ezra.

When faced with important decisions regarding Ezra's schooling, Kerry Cohen and her husband, Michael, must make a tough decision- continue in a school that is not meeting Ezra's needs, or find a place that will help him learn and grow without so much added stress that he constantly retreats into himself? They choose to allow their son take the reins. As a mother, Kerry only wants what's best for her kids as all mothers should. Sometimes, you have to learn when to step back and let your child do the teaching. After many failed therapy sessions during which Ezra gradually grew upset and exponentially more frustrated, she resolved to simply let Ezra be Ezra.
"I'm not antitherapy. Not in the least. In truth, I think we all need therapy, and that includes our kids. I think children who have challenges need support around those challenges, and that certainly includes Ezra. But isn't it possible that if we love our kids, give them attention for what they do well, support them where they need help, and provide appropriate boundaries, they will progress on their own? Isn't it possible that it's not what we did or that they had such-and-such therapy, but that youngsters are astounding resourceful creatures and they will find ways to be successful?"
No one can argue that Kerry Cohen is a perfect wife and mother because the fact is that she isn't. All people make mistakes and that includes parents. But it's certainly a delight to read a memoir in which the mother can actually understand that her child does not necessarily need to be "fixed." Sure, Ezra was severely developmentally delayed both in his speech and slightly behind in his gross motor skills, but he is not lacking in intelligence. This is a story of Kerry Cohen's discovery that to help your child through his or her challenges, you must first learn to see them for who they are.
"I want Ezra and Griffin to know that they don't have to do anything to be loved. They don't have to be anything other than who they are. That no matter what happens, no matter what they do or say or become, I will always love them with every cell in my body. There is nothing they can do to change that. In the end, I'm pretty sure this is the only rule for parenting."

Profile Image for Peggy.
66 reviews5 followers
October 1, 2011
I happened to come across the book on Amazon when I was looking for the similarly titled "Following Ezra . . ." by Tom Fields-Meyer, a high school classmate of mine who published a memoir about his autistic son right around the same time this one came out. I decided to read this one first as I heard Tom's was more positive and optimistic in tone, whereas Kerry's was more raw and perhaps less upbeat.

Although neither of my children have autism (excuse me if I'm not politically correct in my terminology - Kerry does have a whole discussion at the beginning of the book dealing with what to call kids on the spectrum, as she often refers to autism) I do have friends who have kids with Aspergers or autism, or in some cases, both. I had a classmate in grade school, who I now believe was probably autistic, as well as knowing a boy in church who I believe was autistic. This was way back in the 60s and 70s long before these diagnoses were being thrown around. Her retelling of Ezra's behaviors took me back in time and also made me think about some of the stories my friends had shared about their early struggles with autism. While some may criticize Kerry for some of the her feelings she shares, her delay in seeking therapy, and especially her infidelity, the book delivers a powerful message of her ultimate acceptance of Ezra and indeed, of her life and choices.

I actually have not read many books recently and I found myself having a hard time putting this book down. Yes, some readers may find it a bit uncomfortable to read, as she shares Ezra's experiences with his Pica disorder, as well as her marital infidelity. However, her frankness and writing style drew me in and captivated me. I was eager to read of Ezra's progress and Kerry's acceptance of her son's condition and her feelings toward her husband.

Would I read this book if my child had just been diagnosed with autism? Maybe not. It's emotional and frank. Every family handles this diagnosis differently. I believe everyone needs to make their own journey and decisions when it comes to care. But at some point along that journey, parents might find this somewhat cathartic.
Profile Image for Amanda.
433 reviews1 follower
September 9, 2011
I'm learning that the more personal a book is to me, the harder it is to review it. Seems like it should make it easier, but it doesn't. I don't totally agree with Ms. Cohen on some things, but that doesn't make the book any less impactful. I finished this book four days ago, but I couldn't find the words to write a review.

At first, I found it hard to relate to her because when she first started seeking help for her son, she didn't want anyone to think badly of him, so she didn't tell the doctors and therapists everything they needed to know to properly evaluate him. I'm a straight-up kind of gal, and I figure that even if the "experts" don't have all the answers, they can't help us if they don't know what's going on. Eventually, though, she moved past that. She came to a point at which she could tell the doctors everything, but she didn't hesitate to get up and walk out if their needs weren't being met. That's my kind of mom.

The question Ms. Cohen keeps repeating in her book is one that I think every parent of a special-needs child faces. It doesn't matter what your opinion is on alternative therapies, or curing autism. The most important thing is: Where is the line between helping him with the areas where the world feels hard for him and negating who he is?

There is some foul language in this book, but don't let that stop you. It always helps me to read about how other moms are dealing with challenges. Not only do I usually learn something, it helps me to not feel so alone. (No matter how much support we have, I think sometimes we all feel like no one else knows what it's like.)
Profile Image for Joyce.
1,265 reviews10 followers
February 22, 2015
Seeing Ezra by Kerry Cohen is a very powerful book in which the author tells the story of her son Ezra who has autism spectrum disorder. Although she paints a picture of her son in his unique behaviors, the book seems to be more about her own feelings, emotions, and thoughts in coping both with his behaviors and reacting to the professionals she must deal with to obtain help for Ezra. It was difficult reading at times due to the intensity of her feelings especially toward teachers and other professionals. There is definitely a lot of anger in this book. However, it was such a vivid honest portrayal of both Ezra's and her struggles. Although I disagreed at times with her views, it was very thought provoking to read them and see another viewpoint. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who has an interest in learning more about children with autism spectrum disorder and its impact on the family.
Profile Image for Megan.
117 reviews2 followers
September 25, 2014
I read this a few years ago and I thought I already reviewed it. I really didn't enjoy reading it. Part of me wonders if I should be a little more patient with the author, because I understand that navigating the world of autism on behalf of your child, and receiving so many different messages and feedback and advice about how to help your thrive has got to be the most frustrating, discouraging experience. But I'd like to think that the process of writing this book would have helped the author gain some perspective, and come to understand that many of the "experts" helping her with her child are doing their best with the knowledge and resources they have. Even at the end, she just seemed angry at everyone, and inconsistently so.
Profile Image for M.
242 reviews
December 15, 2017
It feels difficult to critique this very personal story about Cohen's relationship with her young son. I didn't pick this book up because of its discussion of autism; I sought it out because I read the author's earlier memoir and was curious what happened next - particularly to her marriage. Considering that, it held my attention and opened my eyes a little to a world with which I'm not terribly familiar. My biggest complaint is that she relies too frequently on repeating words for dramatic emphasis/effect, but I enjoy her candidness--she's very blunt, even when it does not put her in a flattering light (same as in Loose Girl). If Cohen writes further memoirs, I'm sure I'll read them as well.
Profile Image for Lisa M. Guerrero.
5 reviews
October 23, 2013
What I take away most from my reading of Seeing Ezra, is that the simple act of validating a family or a child does so much to build a meaningful connection. Cohen (2011) introduced us to a wide cast of caregivers and professionals that attempted to meet her family’s needs, and the few that succeeded did so because they sent positive messages – affirmations that encouraged Ezra to be who he was. As an early childhood educator, I am reminded that focusing on a family's strengths encourages growth and leaves everyone involved more likely to reach their full potential.
Profile Image for Patti.
28 reviews
August 30, 2011
Honest, real, tenacious. I feel the raw emotion, worry and frustration plucked straight out of my soul, my heart and onto the pages. Autism's rippling effect of disability dis-ables every aspect of family life. Motherhood: protect, serve, anticipate, support, love, research, counsel EVERYONE surrounding the child. Right now, right now, right NOW. Feel guilty for needing, frustrated for wanting, desperate for hope.
Cohen's story, her writing resonates to my core.
Profile Image for Erin.
260 reviews16 followers
May 6, 2013
I graciously won a free copy through first reads giveaway.

I commend the author for putting all of her feelings out for everyone to read. I have seen some other reviews commenting on her parenting skills, and all I have to say is don't judge unless you have been in those exact shoes. No one is perfect, and when being a parent the best teacher is experience.
273 reviews1 follower
August 16, 2011
I think that every parent of a special needs child and every educator or therapist who works with special needs children should read this book. Each child is different and a cookie cutter approach just doesn't work. This is a candid memoir of her struggle with a system that wants to "fix" him.
Profile Image for Dena Guzman.
Author 7 books44 followers
May 26, 2013
an important piece of work to add to any library regarding not only parenting autistics, but also about being that parent. It's a cliche to say this, but unless you pull down that oxygen mask for yourself first, no one is going to be in very good shape in the end.
Profile Image for Kristin R.
970 reviews16 followers
October 6, 2011
This was a great memoir of one family's experience with autism. It doesn't promise any solutions or cures, and it's very honest in its portrayal of everyday life.
Profile Image for Tricia.
4 reviews
August 27, 2012
This is a great book on a mom's road with a child with Autism.
Profile Image for Kristen Luppino.
698 reviews3 followers
March 23, 2014
Not among my favorite parental accounts of having a child with autism. At times it is repetitive and somewhat whiny and repeats the same information.
92 reviews7 followers
April 30, 2014
I could relate to this book on so many levels. It was hard to read because I felt like it was my story but also strangely comforting to have someone else experience what I've felt and experienced.
Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews

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