"I liked the way she challenged me. Once I was smoking a joint very early in the day, and she said, "Dad, how come you have to escape reality the first thing in the morning?" When I was a kid, my parents would refer to "a colored guy" and I would tell them that "Negro" was correct. Now, when I would refer to somebody as "Oriental," Holly would tell me that "Asian" was correct. She didn't like small talk. "Oh Dad, that's trivial bullshit," she would say. The vestigial old-fashioned parent in me wanted to chastise her, "Hey, you can't talk to me that way, I'm your father." But the contemporary New Age parent in me knew that Holly had made an accurate observation. What I had said was trivial bullshit. I took a deep breath. "I'll tell you something, Holly. I'm glad you feel free enough to tell me that what I'm saying is trivial bullshit, but I hope you're glad that I'm free enough to recognize my own trivial bullshit when it's pointed out."
Nobody I knew had ever said "trivial bullshit" to their parents. Certainly I never said it to mine, even though they specialized in trivial bullshit. I had learned to pretend that my parents were a Buddhist monk and nun whose sole purpose on earth was to test my patience with trivia. So, when they showed me how many electric outlets were in the kitchen, I eagerly examined them. "Oh, look, here's a three-pronger!" That way there was no friction between us. They felt good, I felt good, and what a commendable goal that was. So, when my mother opened up the bread of a sandwich - while I was eating it - and put more food inside, I could only smile with gratitude for this whole new form of generosity to contemplate. And when my father gave me his old parka - literally showing me how to put the hood on - I didn't remind him that I was no longer five years old and accuse him of freezing in his parental role. I just said, "Let me practice that a few times.""
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