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Real Man Adventures
A few years ago, the novelist T Cooper wrote his parents a letter telling them he "�wasn’t their daughter anymore.” And that was the �"good news.”
Real Man Adventures is Cooper’s brash, wildly inventive, and often comic exploration of the paradoxes and pleasures of masculinity. He takes us through his transition into identifying as male, and how he went on to marry his wife and become an adoring stepfather of two children. Alternately bemused and exasperated when he feels compelled to explain all this, Cooper never loses his sense of humor. �"Ten Things People Assume I Understand About Women But Actually Don’t,” reads one chapter title, while another proffers: �"Sometimes I Think the Whole of Modern History Can Be Explained by Testosterone.”
A brilliant collage of letters, essays, interviews (with his brother, with his wife, with the parents of other transgender children), artwork, and sharp evocations of difficult conversations with old friends and puzzled bureaucrats, Real Man Adventures will forever change what you think about what it means to be a man.
Real Man Adventures is Cooper’s brash, wildly inventive, and often comic exploration of the paradoxes and pleasures of masculinity. He takes us through his transition into identifying as male, and how he went on to marry his wife and become an adoring stepfather of two children. Alternately bemused and exasperated when he feels compelled to explain all this, Cooper never loses his sense of humor. �"Ten Things People Assume I Understand About Women But Actually Don’t,” reads one chapter title, while another proffers: �"Sometimes I Think the Whole of Modern History Can Be Explained by Testosterone.”
A brilliant collage of letters, essays, interviews (with his brother, with his wife, with the parents of other transgender children), artwork, and sharp evocations of difficult conversations with old friends and puzzled bureaucrats, Real Man Adventures will forever change what you think about what it means to be a man.
272 pages, Hardcover
First published October 9, 2012
10 people are currently reading
513 people want to read
About the author
T. Cooper
22 books54 followersT COOPER is the author of four novels, including the bestselling "The Beaufort Diaries" and "Lipshitz Six, or Two Angry Blondes," as well as a brand-new Young Adult book series entitled "Changers." Cooper edited an anthology of original stories entitled "A Fictional History of the United States With Huge Chunks Missing," and his most recent book is the non-fiction "Real Man Adventures" (just released in paperback from McSweeney's Books). He has also written for television, and is the co-founder of a new Empathy Project, Wearechangers.org.
T Cooper was born and raised in Los Angeles, attended Middlebury College in Vermont, and then taught high school in New Orleans before settling in New York City in 1996. He earned an MFA from Columbia University, and in addition to his books, Cooper's work has appeared in a variety of publications and anthologies, including The New Yorker, The New York Times, The Believer, One Story, Bomb, Electric Literature, The Brooklyn Review, The Portland Review, Document, and others. His short story "Swimming" was one of "100 Distinguished Stories" in The Best American Short Stories 2008 (ed. Salman Rushdie).
Cooper has been awarded residencies to The MacDowell Colony, Ledig House International, and The Millay Colony (where he was The New York Times Foundation Fellow). Not too long ago, he was a visiting faculty member at Middlebury College.
Cooper also adapted and produced a short film based on his graphic novel "The Beaufort Diaries." The animated short, directed by the book's illustrator Alex Petrowsky and starring actor David Duchovny, was an official selection at several film festivals, including Tribeca Film Festival, South By Southwest, The New Orleans Film Fest, The Worldwide Short Film Festival, and the Anchorage International Film Festival.
Cooper enjoys vintage airplanes, M*A*S*H, the great outdoors, world peace, buckwheat pancakes, and anything to do with pit bull advocacy. He lives with his wife and kids in New York and the South.
T Cooper was born and raised in Los Angeles, attended Middlebury College in Vermont, and then taught high school in New Orleans before settling in New York City in 1996. He earned an MFA from Columbia University, and in addition to his books, Cooper's work has appeared in a variety of publications and anthologies, including The New Yorker, The New York Times, The Believer, One Story, Bomb, Electric Literature, The Brooklyn Review, The Portland Review, Document, and others. His short story "Swimming" was one of "100 Distinguished Stories" in The Best American Short Stories 2008 (ed. Salman Rushdie).
Cooper has been awarded residencies to The MacDowell Colony, Ledig House International, and The Millay Colony (where he was The New York Times Foundation Fellow). Not too long ago, he was a visiting faculty member at Middlebury College.
Cooper also adapted and produced a short film based on his graphic novel "The Beaufort Diaries." The animated short, directed by the book's illustrator Alex Petrowsky and starring actor David Duchovny, was an official selection at several film festivals, including Tribeca Film Festival, South By Southwest, The New Orleans Film Fest, The Worldwide Short Film Festival, and the Anchorage International Film Festival.
Cooper enjoys vintage airplanes, M*A*S*H, the great outdoors, world peace, buckwheat pancakes, and anything to do with pit bull advocacy. He lives with his wife and kids in New York and the South.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 60 reviews
February 27, 2013
T Cooper comes across as a real asshole. This is everything I dislike about some members of my male identified cohort. The belief in the binary, the reification of bullshit macho behavior as a result of T, and the general embrace of misogyny. To top it off, I finally read the explanation of why Kate Bornstein still uses the word "tranny" from an interview with her in this book. It does not include an analysis of race and privilege at all and to put it bluntly is some bullshit. I finished this and now I am just angry...must be the testosterone.
November 4, 2012
This month's Rumpus book club selection was a title I knew nothing about when I opened the envelope. Placing my full trust in the quality of the usual Rumpus selection, I immediately sat down and read it from cover to cover in a day and a half. There is no doubt Mr. Cooper can write and write well. His style is journalistic and the essays and intereviews are a personal exploration of transgenderism. Many times during the reading of this book I was reminded of my freshman rhetoric instrcutor at the University of Iowa who framed herself to us from day one as a "black Jewish lesbian" and subjected us to a semester's worth of brow beating on the topic of her self-acceptance. We students, by the way, were much more comfortable with her than she was, and that is what this book felt a like to me. You're trans, okay, that's cool, I don't really get it but I'm happy to call you by whatever pronoun you'd like.
There were plenty of humorous passages regarding societal expecations of being a man and haunting reminders of the danger those who are "different" may still face in our sometimes narrow-minded world. But, in the moments where he shared his emotions about his journey rather than jus those of the people around him, the writing was compelling. Ultimately this is a story of a man who wants to be a good husband and father, loves his wife deeply, and seeks acceptance...making him not so different than the rest of us. Point taken, Mr. Cooper.
There were plenty of humorous passages regarding societal expecations of being a man and haunting reminders of the danger those who are "different" may still face in our sometimes narrow-minded world. But, in the moments where he shared his emotions about his journey rather than jus those of the people around him, the writing was compelling. Ultimately this is a story of a man who wants to be a good husband and father, loves his wife deeply, and seeks acceptance...making him not so different than the rest of us. Point taken, Mr. Cooper.
November 27, 2012
When we think man, we think dick. Not as in “he’s a dick” but as in “he has one.” However, there are men out there who defy this physical norm. T Cooper was born female. He was labeled a tomboy in his early years and a dyke in his later years. However, these words didn’t describe him. They were labels created by cultural prescriptions of the people describing him. He was a man and he is still a man.
Nonetheless, this dick thing really gets in the way. Imagine being a man without one. You would be terrified to pee in a public restroom and scared of airport scanners, of doctor’s offices, of people thinking you’re a freak and possibly beating you up, of your own family calling you the wrong pronoun. As a transgender man (FTM=female to male), T Cooper worries about all of these things and more on a daily basis.
Real Man Adventures is memoir-like, but it’s peppered with interviews, haikus, and poignant six word memoirs. Cooper’s writing is engaging and thoughtful. He will make you laugh, make you angry at the injustice, make you feel the pain of indignity, and the fear of ignorance.
I was a little turned off my the amount of anger that T Cooper has. Much of this book was a rant about how stupid and unfeeling people can be, which I agree with, but not everyone is like that! Some of us just need to be educated! It’s like Richard Wright in the 60s. Dude, I know you’re angry and you totally have every right to be, but you’re wearing me out.
Also a turn off: the low level misogyny of the book. When I say low level, I mean T Cooper is acutely aware of misogynistic tendencies (he calls himself out for it), which makes them less offensive. Perhaps these tendencies are a protective mechanism since he is in “the man club,” which is inherently misogynistic? But just because you were born as a female (and “you’ve been there, man”) doesn’t mean that it’s OK to be a misogynist. You would think that someone who knows prejudice so intimately would empathize with women. His redeeming quality is that he is in love with and respectful of his wife.
Real Man Adventures explains a world that I knew very little about. I went to a college where cross dressing was an event, I love Rocky Horror and Middlesex, but T Cooper says that these are the typical responses of people who don’t know what transgender means. Touche Mr. Cooper! I guess in a way this is the perfect book for me. I felt like I received an education. Now when someone is like “they are having a baby girl!” I’m like “how do you know it’s a girl??” These traditional gender roles are super out of date and yet well-educated new parents still fall prey to spreading the word with “It’s a boy!” Why don’t we say “It’s a baby! or It’s a tiny person that can’t tell us anything about itself yet!”
Overall I really enjoyed this book! T Cooper is flawed but not any more or less than the next person. He makes a great point about how being a man isn’t physical. It means being a good husband, a good father. There are plenty of dicks (literally) out there who don’t act like real men.
Plus, I have to admire Cooper’s bravery in publishing Real Man Adventures, when he has no idea what people with think or do when they find out he is not what society deems “a real man” (i.e. possessing a dick).
Nonetheless, this dick thing really gets in the way. Imagine being a man without one. You would be terrified to pee in a public restroom and scared of airport scanners, of doctor’s offices, of people thinking you’re a freak and possibly beating you up, of your own family calling you the wrong pronoun. As a transgender man (FTM=female to male), T Cooper worries about all of these things and more on a daily basis.
Real Man Adventures is memoir-like, but it’s peppered with interviews, haikus, and poignant six word memoirs. Cooper’s writing is engaging and thoughtful. He will make you laugh, make you angry at the injustice, make you feel the pain of indignity, and the fear of ignorance.
I was a little turned off my the amount of anger that T Cooper has. Much of this book was a rant about how stupid and unfeeling people can be, which I agree with, but not everyone is like that! Some of us just need to be educated! It’s like Richard Wright in the 60s. Dude, I know you’re angry and you totally have every right to be, but you’re wearing me out.
Also a turn off: the low level misogyny of the book. When I say low level, I mean T Cooper is acutely aware of misogynistic tendencies (he calls himself out for it), which makes them less offensive. Perhaps these tendencies are a protective mechanism since he is in “the man club,” which is inherently misogynistic? But just because you were born as a female (and “you’ve been there, man”) doesn’t mean that it’s OK to be a misogynist. You would think that someone who knows prejudice so intimately would empathize with women. His redeeming quality is that he is in love with and respectful of his wife.
Real Man Adventures explains a world that I knew very little about. I went to a college where cross dressing was an event, I love Rocky Horror and Middlesex, but T Cooper says that these are the typical responses of people who don’t know what transgender means. Touche Mr. Cooper! I guess in a way this is the perfect book for me. I felt like I received an education. Now when someone is like “they are having a baby girl!” I’m like “how do you know it’s a girl??” These traditional gender roles are super out of date and yet well-educated new parents still fall prey to spreading the word with “It’s a boy!” Why don’t we say “It’s a baby! or It’s a tiny person that can’t tell us anything about itself yet!”
Overall I really enjoyed this book! T Cooper is flawed but not any more or less than the next person. He makes a great point about how being a man isn’t physical. It means being a good husband, a good father. There are plenty of dicks (literally) out there who don’t act like real men.
Plus, I have to admire Cooper’s bravery in publishing Real Man Adventures, when he has no idea what people with think or do when they find out he is not what society deems “a real man” (i.e. possessing a dick).
September 5, 2023
i first read this book many years ago in one sitting, probably the first real piece of trans media i was exposed to that wasn’t a youtube video. very nice to read again and in my heart t cooper will always be kindof a friend to me
February 25, 2015
Read this for Queer Book Club. The narrative drove me a bit mad and I found myself offended rather frequently. If this is what Real Man Adventures sound like, it's not too mysterious why I have more close female friends. So many uses of female terms used as derogatory.
Some of the interviews really didn't work for me as it was clear that someone had just been given or emailed a list of questions; there was no back-and-forth engagement with the answers. Even with some of the interviews that were real-time and had that direct engagement, it seemed the author avoided the bigger questions that would have made for a deeper and more interesting/affecting read (like when a cop offered to talk race and having transitioned into the 'most hated' demographic--Black male--the narrator just joked about wanting to eat, or something, and avoided engagement with such a unique perspective).
I did find it got better toward the end of the book, so I'm glad I stuck it out; I do hate to feel defeated by a book. I mostly want a book from his wife about it, though! She's quite the writer; I can see why she does well as a journalist and why all her clients (or I suppose 'subjects') seem to like her so much.
Some of the interviews really didn't work for me as it was clear that someone had just been given or emailed a list of questions; there was no back-and-forth engagement with the answers. Even with some of the interviews that were real-time and had that direct engagement, it seemed the author avoided the bigger questions that would have made for a deeper and more interesting/affecting read (like when a cop offered to talk race and having transitioned into the 'most hated' demographic--Black male--the narrator just joked about wanting to eat, or something, and avoided engagement with such a unique perspective).
I did find it got better toward the end of the book, so I'm glad I stuck it out; I do hate to feel defeated by a book. I mostly want a book from his wife about it, though! She's quite the writer; I can see why she does well as a journalist and why all her clients (or I suppose 'subjects') seem to like her so much.
February 21, 2017
Many memoirs intentionally or unintentionally flatten the author to a single aspect, sometimes doing so by hiding behind beautiful language. While T. Cooper talks about being transgender on almost every page of this fascinating memoir, he allows himself to be a real person – exploring his strengths and weaknesses, his hopes and fears (many but not all of which are related to being trans), while acknowledging that other trans people may have a very different experience. His writing is beautiful, but rather than using it to hide or obscure, he writes with laser-sharp precision to help us understand him and his experience more clearly.
I wish I could invite him over for coffee.
I wish I could invite him over for coffee.
December 29, 2015
Review coming.
December 14, 2021
To see more reviews check out MI Book Reviews.
I have been a fan of T Cooper’s since I read Lipshizt 6, or Two Angry Blonds. So I have been on a mission to read all of his work.
Real Man Adventures is a memoir of sorts. The book is a mixture of rants, interviews, ramblings, and fictional retelling of situations. I laughed out loud at the many scenes where it was clear that T Cooper was messing with the readers that were not as well versed in feeling like a freak or an outsider with their own bodies and desires. There is a scene where T Cooper describes the first time he ever bought men’s underwear, which is a monumental moment in a trans guy’s life, but he made it less about the underwear and more about what non-trans people see the event to be like thanks to a 90’s film.
T Cooper does a great job of letting people into his life, but making it clear that it is his life so we are only allowed this one little glimpse. He makes an entire chapter about sex (well by chapter I mean a footnote and a blank page). The point is clear throughout the book that we are only getting a glimpse of the life that T Cooper lives and it is what he is comfortable sharing. My favorite glimpse is his rant about Tyrone Cooper and how Little Tyrone then becomes a name of something that many other reviewers complain about (they really want to know what he is packing). I for one am more amused that even for as long as he took writing the book T Cooper named his junk Little Tyrone, that is more than enough information that I ever thought I was entitled to about his genitals.
I like that T Cooper doesn’t try to pretend to be a perfect person and I love the way he portrays his relationship with his wife. He is very clear that he is anxious and has issues that are related to him being a trans man, but he admits many of them are irrational. His wife is seen as this great woman that doesn’t putt up with any of his flak. She clearly sees the man in T Cooper and doesn’t listen to his fears that she will leave him one day for a man without the trans issues.
This book was funny, engaging, inviting, and special. It also had a good deal of unicorn headed hot bodies in it, four more than I expected. I loved how T Cooper was able to bring in the random internet obsession with unicorn heads into his look at transsexual bodies.
I have been a fan of T Cooper’s since I read Lipshizt 6, or Two Angry Blonds. So I have been on a mission to read all of his work.
Real Man Adventures is a memoir of sorts. The book is a mixture of rants, interviews, ramblings, and fictional retelling of situations. I laughed out loud at the many scenes where it was clear that T Cooper was messing with the readers that were not as well versed in feeling like a freak or an outsider with their own bodies and desires. There is a scene where T Cooper describes the first time he ever bought men’s underwear, which is a monumental moment in a trans guy’s life, but he made it less about the underwear and more about what non-trans people see the event to be like thanks to a 90’s film.
T Cooper does a great job of letting people into his life, but making it clear that it is his life so we are only allowed this one little glimpse. He makes an entire chapter about sex (well by chapter I mean a footnote and a blank page). The point is clear throughout the book that we are only getting a glimpse of the life that T Cooper lives and it is what he is comfortable sharing. My favorite glimpse is his rant about Tyrone Cooper and how Little Tyrone then becomes a name of something that many other reviewers complain about (they really want to know what he is packing). I for one am more amused that even for as long as he took writing the book T Cooper named his junk Little Tyrone, that is more than enough information that I ever thought I was entitled to about his genitals.
I like that T Cooper doesn’t try to pretend to be a perfect person and I love the way he portrays his relationship with his wife. He is very clear that he is anxious and has issues that are related to him being a trans man, but he admits many of them are irrational. His wife is seen as this great woman that doesn’t putt up with any of his flak. She clearly sees the man in T Cooper and doesn’t listen to his fears that she will leave him one day for a man without the trans issues.
This book was funny, engaging, inviting, and special. It also had a good deal of unicorn headed hot bodies in it, four more than I expected. I loved how T Cooper was able to bring in the random internet obsession with unicorn heads into his look at transsexual bodies.
September 30, 2017
ich hab es auf deutsch gelesen:
"von einer, die auszog ein mann zu werden"
wieder mal ein schlechter titel für eine trans geschichte. bravo.
die person verbietet sich im buch von ihm als "ihr" zu reden, warum macht es also der titel?
aber dafür kann der autor ja nichts.
In dem buch geht t cooper verschiedenen themen nach, die ihn rund um transsein beschäftigen oder zu denen er als aktivist oft befragt wird. zum beispiel: sichtbarkeit, minderwertigkeitsgefühle, was ist ein "mann", transfeindlichkeit, trans und familie, outing, selbstfindung etc.
diese themen werden in z.t. sehr kurzen kapiten mit verschiedene textarten z.b. gedichten o.ä., interviews und briefen besprochen.
cooper verschiedene menschen interviewt um deren meinungen einzufangen.
und hier fangen die details an, die mich sehr gestört haben an diesem buch.
wärend der interviews stellt cooper sehr oft suggestivfragen, wodurch er einerseits eine antwort bekommt die er möchte und die interviewten andererseits häufig nur auf seine erläuterungen zu den fragen antworten und nicht auf die eigentliche frage, die mich mehr interessiert hätte.
hin zu kommt, das cooper ein klares (ich würde sagen stereotypes) bild von einem mann hat. was ihn nicht gerade sympatisch gemacht hat und besonders in den parts in denen er andere meinungen zu wort kommen lassen wollte, zu viel unwidersprochenen raum eingenommen hat.
aus methodischer sicht sind die informationen im buch sehr fragwürdig, was ich schade finde. also die informationen aus den interviews und seine selbst erstellten statistiken. was er über sich schreibt bleibt informativ.
alles in allem hat es mich gut unterhalten und auch zum nachdenken angeregt.
"von einer, die auszog ein mann zu werden"
wieder mal ein schlechter titel für eine trans geschichte. bravo.
die person verbietet sich im buch von ihm als "ihr" zu reden, warum macht es also der titel?
aber dafür kann der autor ja nichts.
In dem buch geht t cooper verschiedenen themen nach, die ihn rund um transsein beschäftigen oder zu denen er als aktivist oft befragt wird. zum beispiel: sichtbarkeit, minderwertigkeitsgefühle, was ist ein "mann", transfeindlichkeit, trans und familie, outing, selbstfindung etc.
diese themen werden in z.t. sehr kurzen kapiten mit verschiedene textarten z.b. gedichten o.ä., interviews und briefen besprochen.
cooper verschiedene menschen interviewt um deren meinungen einzufangen.
und hier fangen die details an, die mich sehr gestört haben an diesem buch.
wärend der interviews stellt cooper sehr oft suggestivfragen, wodurch er einerseits eine antwort bekommt die er möchte und die interviewten andererseits häufig nur auf seine erläuterungen zu den fragen antworten und nicht auf die eigentliche frage, die mich mehr interessiert hätte.
hin zu kommt, das cooper ein klares (ich würde sagen stereotypes) bild von einem mann hat. was ihn nicht gerade sympatisch gemacht hat und besonders in den parts in denen er andere meinungen zu wort kommen lassen wollte, zu viel unwidersprochenen raum eingenommen hat.
aus methodischer sicht sind die informationen im buch sehr fragwürdig, was ich schade finde. also die informationen aus den interviews und seine selbst erstellten statistiken. was er über sich schreibt bleibt informativ.
alles in allem hat es mich gut unterhalten und auch zum nachdenken angeregt.
March 10, 2018
I spent half of this book laughing my ass off and the other half feeling utterly validated. I may not have connected to every word--I certainly do not like football as much as T Cooper--however, the heart was there at the core of this book.
To say this once and not nine fucking times: This is a memoir about T Cooper--writer, father, husband, sports fan, and Trans-man.
Ultimately, as the title suggests, these are the real adventures of a man. Cooper not only relates his own experiences, but the accounts of others via interviews with other transgender men, their spouses, siblings, coworkers, and parents. The result is a funny, truthful, enlightening, and heart string tugging read for everyone.
Perhaps the moments with the most impact were those of vulnerability. Where Cooper's true fears, doubts, and insecurities were detailed--in these we are able to find companionship with the author. What I think most helped this book was how Cooper was truthful: to himself, about himself, to the audience, and about his ideas. He relates his world as he sees it and asks others about their perspectives.
Whatever deep moments arise are offset with humorous lines such as:
The guy in the gym wearing too tight spandex shorts
That fucked up horse painting
Anything at all about Tyrone Cooper
I'd tell you more but then it'll spoil and the read.
I highly recommend this book (and will definitely shove it into other people's faces so they can see what I feel).
\
This review is cross-posted on my blog:
https://macwrites.wixsite.com/macabre...
To say this once and not nine fucking times: This is a memoir about T Cooper--writer, father, husband, sports fan, and Trans-man.
Ultimately, as the title suggests, these are the real adventures of a man. Cooper not only relates his own experiences, but the accounts of others via interviews with other transgender men, their spouses, siblings, coworkers, and parents. The result is a funny, truthful, enlightening, and heart string tugging read for everyone.
Perhaps the moments with the most impact were those of vulnerability. Where Cooper's true fears, doubts, and insecurities were detailed--in these we are able to find companionship with the author. What I think most helped this book was how Cooper was truthful: to himself, about himself, to the audience, and about his ideas. He relates his world as he sees it and asks others about their perspectives.
Whatever deep moments arise are offset with humorous lines such as:
The guy in the gym wearing too tight spandex shorts
That fucked up horse painting
Anything at all about Tyrone Cooper
I'd tell you more but then it'll spoil and the read.
I highly recommend this book (and will definitely shove it into other people's faces so they can see what I feel).
\
This review is cross-posted on my blog:
https://macwrites.wixsite.com/macabre...
October 28, 2019
Full disclosure, I read this as part of a Queer Studies class, so I read it as an assignment with the intent to discuss it there. So.
I personally appreciate T. Cooper's open delivery while keeping as much of his life private as he can. Of course the content of some of the interviews concerned me, I always wonder why people feel the need to explain someone else's gender identity to people they may or may not meet. This came out mainly with the parents, who were so positive overall (I understand that it is far more complicated to interview parents that disowned their transgender children especially for a memoir that centers on the author's transition) when I just wanted to hear from a parent that is a queer ally unless it's their own kid. That was just a little selfish thought I kept having as more of the parent interviews came up.
I respect and admire the self awareness needed to know what he needed to leave out of the book. I went in without expectations, but the Sex Chapter was such a delight, even having felt that I got used to Cooper's writing style, he still managed to surprise me. His use of fun deflections from topics he didn't want to share on delivered a clear message: it's none of our business.
This was such a fun, occasionally gut twisting, opportunity to hear largely unfiltered discussion of trans lives and environments on Cooper's terms. Having books like this to recommend must take the weight off of every visible trans person's back to explain to strangers their gender and fears, and it fueled one of the most productive discussions my class has had all semester.
I personally appreciate T. Cooper's open delivery while keeping as much of his life private as he can. Of course the content of some of the interviews concerned me, I always wonder why people feel the need to explain someone else's gender identity to people they may or may not meet. This came out mainly with the parents, who were so positive overall (I understand that it is far more complicated to interview parents that disowned their transgender children especially for a memoir that centers on the author's transition) when I just wanted to hear from a parent that is a queer ally unless it's their own kid. That was just a little selfish thought I kept having as more of the parent interviews came up.
I respect and admire the self awareness needed to know what he needed to leave out of the book. I went in without expectations, but the Sex Chapter was such a delight, even having felt that I got used to Cooper's writing style, he still managed to surprise me. His use of fun deflections from topics he didn't want to share on delivered a clear message: it's none of our business.
This was such a fun, occasionally gut twisting, opportunity to hear largely unfiltered discussion of trans lives and environments on Cooper's terms. Having books like this to recommend must take the weight off of every visible trans person's back to explain to strangers their gender and fears, and it fueled one of the most productive discussions my class has had all semester.
October 26, 2025
Genuinely a moving and funny "non-memoir"
collection of stories and interviews. While I don't want to discredit any offense some people seem to have with this book, I have to say, I think you missed the point. This is not a "there's no wrong way to be a man" book in the way many FtM memoirs are. I've read many, and frankly all of them carefully walk the line of telling the story the author wants to tell, and saying what will appeal to the masses, both in and out of the community. Comparing it to something like PageBoy, it's not a sad story with a happy ending, it's a real life account and the complex feelings that come with it.
Cooper does not sugar coat his feelings or experiences, this book is a plain and simple collection of plain and simple trans experiences. Many times I found myself feeling like I was reading a conversation me and my FtM friends have had about the struggles we face, so similar, yet so far apart just due to age and location. While it wasn't anything that caused a spiritual epiphany, I don't think I need it to. Every page felt like a reflection of an experience or emotion every trans man I've met has experienced or feared, and there's something profound about realizing a stranger lives in that same scary gray area you inhabit.
collection of stories and interviews. While I don't want to discredit any offense some people seem to have with this book, I have to say, I think you missed the point. This is not a "there's no wrong way to be a man" book in the way many FtM memoirs are. I've read many, and frankly all of them carefully walk the line of telling the story the author wants to tell, and saying what will appeal to the masses, both in and out of the community. Comparing it to something like PageBoy, it's not a sad story with a happy ending, it's a real life account and the complex feelings that come with it.
Cooper does not sugar coat his feelings or experiences, this book is a plain and simple collection of plain and simple trans experiences. Many times I found myself feeling like I was reading a conversation me and my FtM friends have had about the struggles we face, so similar, yet so far apart just due to age and location. While it wasn't anything that caused a spiritual epiphany, I don't think I need it to. Every page felt like a reflection of an experience or emotion every trans man I've met has experienced or feared, and there's something profound about realizing a stranger lives in that same scary gray area you inhabit.
August 25, 2019
The books was extremely interesting and a pretty quick read. IT's really a series of essays, interviews, and lists, some comical and others with more depth. I did find Cooper's exposure of his emotional and intellectual grappling with his sexual situation very helpful in trying to make the leap into understanding at least one man's journey through the minefield of trans adaptation of life. He's a sympathetic and witty guide in that regard. What seemed less appealing is the repeated and escalating emotional roller coaster of self-doubt and anger sometimes at himself, sometimes at the world and once, with startling vehemence at some unnamed celebrity who apparently once dated and slept with Cooper's wife (presumably before they were married). In all I was grateful to have been able to read this and found him a sympathetic soul to try to encounter, but it's pretty prickly and raw in parts. But perhaps his life has been and is as well.
October 20, 2021
Going into this book im not sure what i was expecting. As a trans guy masculinity has always been a battle. Im in the process of making a short film about socializing as a trans guy. So its been a lot of self relfection. And noticing how i deal with masculinity and all that. I spoke with my mom about it and she recommended some books. This was one of them. I loved it! It was very refreshing to read. I found myself relating to a lot of what he said, or it made me consider things i hadnt before. I’m very thankful books and people like this exist. Makes me feel less alone thats all
July 5, 2019
T. Cooper's book is the best book written on what it means to be a man in a long time. The best part's of this book are the personal anecdotes of T's conversion to a man and how much he really had to understand what it is to be a man in order to "fit" in. More men should read this book to understand what the true essence of manhood is and it is not about what you do but how you do what you do.
July 21, 2019
To start, T Cooper’s Real Man Adventures is wildly funny, innovative for “memoir” and really gets down to the heart of the transmasculine experience. I loved this book, mostly because Cooper’s prose is so well done and hilarious. But also, I really want to emphasize how much I do feel like this book is written for other trans guys and if your cis - take everything with a grain of salt.
January 24, 2020
A great book focused on a trans man. I really resonated with some of the things he said, especially about how he always wondered and panicked a little about EVERYONE FINDING OUT! I felt that. I did feel like some of the interviews were awkward and wondered why they had been included (like with ReDICKulous) but it’s a good read. It was published in 2013 so some things are outdated.
May 15, 2020
I read this for my LGBTQ+ literature class, and it was definitely different from anything else I have read. If you enjoy trans literature or are looking to branch into better understanding the trans community, this is a great read. It is entertaining enough to read a lot in one sitting, and it effectively includes art styles into the novel without taking away from his message.
February 5, 2023
An engaging read that feels like a casual conversation, various vignettes and interviews combine to make reading about trans male experience fun and informative. The subject matter at hand is fascinating, and the delivery sharp.
May 12, 2025
I hate being trans and this book made me feel like pride is not a requirement for happiness and fulfillment. More nuanced understanding of identity and transition than other trans writers.
but I’m biased because I know the writer
but I’m biased because I know the writer
April 16, 2019
good engaging writing with funny asides and footnotes. Interesting insights. Clearly from an older trans generation. Very rant-y but in the best way. A poignant but casual read.
April 4, 2022
3.5 stars
November 18, 2013
A series of essays from a trans man. Kindle quotes:
IN MY “JOURNEY,” THERE have been some new truths, even if they are also stereotypes: 1. I don’t cry as much as I used to. Or: It takes way more to make me cry. 2. I am angry more frequently. Or: It takes way less to make me blazing mad. 3. I don’t get as bummed out by things as I used to. Or: my mood is generally positive. 4. I have less patience. 5. I am not as adept at communicating. 6. I want to have relations with my wife, all of the time, regardless of context. 7. People defer to me more.1 8. I am stronger, my muscle mass larger. 9. I have more stamina on the treadmill. 10. I say less to strangers.Read more at location 281
As my wife has said to me, in the heat of some stupid argument in which I was likely being a dick: “It’s astonishing how little you know about women.”Read more at location 608
My parents told somebody they loved and trusted, who has known and loved them (and me) for years, and when he heard, he told them that I had gone too far, and that they were “too old for this shit” and should cut me out of their lives completely.Read more at location 795
TC: On that note, do you tell people you have a “daughter” or “son” straight off? At what point do you tell people the whole story, that you had a daughter, but now you have a son? L—: We are really screwed up with this also. I’ve actually had Cherie be my daughter and C— my son in the same conversation, like the kid cell divided or was cloned. But in the case of my son Chris, I made certain rules. In business and most social situations, people ask about your kids. Some to talk about their own, and I just let those people go and tell them I had three kids, two boys and a girl; they accept that and keep talking. It is very difficult to say your son was murdered. Then to tell the actual story, the poor soul you are talking to is just about in tears, and then what do I say? “Oh, by the way, my daughter is transgendered and is now my son.” So I really need a script to stick to, and I don��t have one as of yet. Sixty-five years old and struggling. Not that I am ashamed or anything, it’s just complicated. It’s like someone asking, “How are you?” Do you really tell them, or just say, “I’m fine, thanks.”Read more at location 892
S— is a great guy, but not the coldest beer in the fridge sometimes.Read more at location 1668
TC: Are there things female officers aren’t allowed to do, but that you are allowed to do now after transition? DW: No. All officers are Blue. Gender is not a factor. Your badge says “Police Officer.” (Back in the old days of the LAPD, the badges said “Police Woman” and “Police Man.”)Read more at location 1723
IN MY “JOURNEY,” THERE have been some new truths, even if they are also stereotypes: 1. I don’t cry as much as I used to. Or: It takes way more to make me cry. 2. I am angry more frequently. Or: It takes way less to make me blazing mad. 3. I don’t get as bummed out by things as I used to. Or: my mood is generally positive. 4. I have less patience. 5. I am not as adept at communicating. 6. I want to have relations with my wife, all of the time, regardless of context. 7. People defer to me more.1 8. I am stronger, my muscle mass larger. 9. I have more stamina on the treadmill. 10. I say less to strangers.Read more at location 281
As my wife has said to me, in the heat of some stupid argument in which I was likely being a dick: “It’s astonishing how little you know about women.”Read more at location 608
My parents told somebody they loved and trusted, who has known and loved them (and me) for years, and when he heard, he told them that I had gone too far, and that they were “too old for this shit” and should cut me out of their lives completely.Read more at location 795
TC: On that note, do you tell people you have a “daughter” or “son” straight off? At what point do you tell people the whole story, that you had a daughter, but now you have a son? L—: We are really screwed up with this also. I’ve actually had Cherie be my daughter and C— my son in the same conversation, like the kid cell divided or was cloned. But in the case of my son Chris, I made certain rules. In business and most social situations, people ask about your kids. Some to talk about their own, and I just let those people go and tell them I had three kids, two boys and a girl; they accept that and keep talking. It is very difficult to say your son was murdered. Then to tell the actual story, the poor soul you are talking to is just about in tears, and then what do I say? “Oh, by the way, my daughter is transgendered and is now my son.” So I really need a script to stick to, and I don��t have one as of yet. Sixty-five years old and struggling. Not that I am ashamed or anything, it’s just complicated. It’s like someone asking, “How are you?” Do you really tell them, or just say, “I’m fine, thanks.”Read more at location 892
S— is a great guy, but not the coldest beer in the fridge sometimes.Read more at location 1668
TC: Are there things female officers aren’t allowed to do, but that you are allowed to do now after transition? DW: No. All officers are Blue. Gender is not a factor. Your badge says “Police Officer.” (Back in the old days of the LAPD, the badges said “Police Woman” and “Police Man.”)Read more at location 1723
February 21, 2013
Cooper wrote many chapters in list form, so I feel that it's acceptable to review in list form.
1. The book reads very much like a diary or blog; there is a lot of anger and frustration.
2. If you pick T as your name, that's unusual, but fine. I know another person with a letter as a first name, short for nothing, just the letter. But with any name that's unusual, I think you should expect to get questions. If people asking about it bothers you enough that you write an angry section of your book about it, well, you picked that name.
3. I too worry about transgendered people alone in nursing homes when they are old. I hope and pray that they will receive kindness and acceptance.
4. "The Sex Chapter" was blank except for a footnote. Well played, T Cooper. That's not anyone else's business, even though it's what people wonder about. Great job leaving that chapter blank.
5. There was a lot of time devoted to frustrated venting about pronouns.
6. A few things really got under my skin. For example, the use of gender stereotypes: this tv show is for men, only men like it. My opinion is that we would have less hatred/oppression in general if we let people live their lives without classifying behaviors and interests as male/female specific. Critically examining Chaz Bono (who I know almost nothing about) to see if he's a good enough "trans person"- what was even going on during that chapter? And implying at one point that because gay men aren't talking about women in some secret man language, they're not fully men? I know I was reading too much into that part, but see previous sentence about gender sterotypes.
7. But WHY, T Cooper? Something was strong enough to make you become a man, but what? You hinted at it, walked around it, but never addressed it. I wish I could invite the author to dinner and just talk, not just about his specific experience, but about the experiences of anyone who has gone through a male to female or female to male transition.
1. The book reads very much like a diary or blog; there is a lot of anger and frustration.
2. If you pick T as your name, that's unusual, but fine. I know another person with a letter as a first name, short for nothing, just the letter. But with any name that's unusual, I think you should expect to get questions. If people asking about it bothers you enough that you write an angry section of your book about it, well, you picked that name.
3. I too worry about transgendered people alone in nursing homes when they are old. I hope and pray that they will receive kindness and acceptance.
4. "The Sex Chapter" was blank except for a footnote. Well played, T Cooper. That's not anyone else's business, even though it's what people wonder about. Great job leaving that chapter blank.
5. There was a lot of time devoted to frustrated venting about pronouns.
6. A few things really got under my skin. For example, the use of gender stereotypes: this tv show is for men, only men like it. My opinion is that we would have less hatred/oppression in general if we let people live their lives without classifying behaviors and interests as male/female specific. Critically examining Chaz Bono (who I know almost nothing about) to see if he's a good enough "trans person"- what was even going on during that chapter? And implying at one point that because gay men aren't talking about women in some secret man language, they're not fully men? I know I was reading too much into that part, but see previous sentence about gender sterotypes.
7. But WHY, T Cooper? Something was strong enough to make you become a man, but what? You hinted at it, walked around it, but never addressed it. I wish I could invite the author to dinner and just talk, not just about his specific experience, but about the experiences of anyone who has gone through a male to female or female to male transition.
April 25, 2013
The package for this book is absolutely top-notch...I was just disappointed that the content wasn't quite as high quality. The book is designed like an old pulp novel (from an actual cover of a men's magazine from the 50s, believe it or not), and comes in a blacked out plastic bag like it's a porno mag (a couple of old signifiers of the uber-masculine).
The book itself is a memoir about being a FTM trans individual and coming to terms with explaining that to others (and the continuing nonacceptance, and surprising acceptance in some cases), and, consequently, what it means to be a man. Every now and again this was a compelling read, but it began to feel like an old saw everytime the same thing is brought up over and over about dealing with people not using the same pronoun (over and over), etc. The interviews at times feel like complete filler. Not quite a transcendent piece of work, and I'm not convinced the author really came out with any greater resolution.
At least this got me thinking about issues related to transgendered and transsexual people...but I'm sure there's something out there that's more artfully done (or there at least should be!).
The book itself is a memoir about being a FTM trans individual and coming to terms with explaining that to others (and the continuing nonacceptance, and surprising acceptance in some cases), and, consequently, what it means to be a man. Every now and again this was a compelling read, but it began to feel like an old saw everytime the same thing is brought up over and over about dealing with people not using the same pronoun (over and over), etc. The interviews at times feel like complete filler. Not quite a transcendent piece of work, and I'm not convinced the author really came out with any greater resolution.
At least this got me thinking about issues related to transgendered and transsexual people...but I'm sure there's something out there that's more artfully done (or there at least should be!).
July 8, 2013
A memoir by a transgender man, it's made up of lists, interviews, and essays. I liked it, I didn't love it. The interviews were interesting, there's one with Kate Bornstein, and one with T Cooper's brother, and some with family members of people who have transitioned. One review on Goodreads mentioned that there's this low level misogyny throughout the book, and I agree with that. The author is definitely like, look at me, I'm married to a beautiful woman, I have two stepchildren, look at how normal I am. There's also a lot of footnotes, and "forgetting" to mention something in the text when you're writing a book isn't okay, go back and edit it. Also, his wife, Allison wrote an article about their romance for Oprah magazine, which I remembered reading before I read this book. Here's a link to it. http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Fa...
November 9, 2012
I don't normally choose to read a lot of non-fiction, but this is well done. I can see why Cooper both didn't really want to write a book about this and, at the same time, felt that he needed to. His selection of what to include seems pretty apt and he's got a nice to read, punchy prose style. I don't think he's got the final answer to the whole gender issue for anyone beyond himself (and we started getting into that whole rabbit hole the moment we started mixing gender roles and gender identity with gender reproductive function thousands of years ago or more), but he seems to have some pretty insightful thoughts on the issue, and shares as much of himself as anybody could reasonably ask for.
March 5, 2013
I don't know...on the one hand, Great for you, writing this book about being a transman. I'm totally interested. Tell me all about it! But then...on the other hand...I ended up wanting more, and wishing he had delved a little deeper, and maybe not been so scared of...elucidating. You're not talking to the assholes. You're talking to the supporters. I don't feel like I know very much more than I did before I read the book, and that's kind of disappointing. You left me wanting more...but less in the good kind of way and more in the "no, seriously, you're making the effort to write the damn thing. Give me more."
August 13, 2012
Great collection of essays and interviews on the subject of gender identity. I don't think the promotional blurb really did it justice -- i.e. 'check out this hilarious book from McSweeney's where the author interviews a guy with a giant penis', so that people expect something funny and outrageous. There are funny moments, there is certainly witty writing, but sometimes it is also heartbreaking. If you have had any issues with gender identity, some of it will hit quite close to home. Definitely worth reading.
June 17, 2014
This made me reflect a lot on the struggles in my life and then take a look a society. There are a lot of things in this book that I think everyone should know/learn about, there a lot of tips in here and insights that people who are transitioning, or thinking about transitioning, have someone they know who is, or just want to be well informed--should probably read this. Hell, most everyone should read this. It's humorous, but also takes a nice snapshot of realities in our society from the view point of a man who has to daily experience these fears and stereotypes. It's a really good read.
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