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Ready to Heal: Breaking Free of Addictive Relationships
No woman dreams of becoming a love and sex addict. Many women are puzzled why they continually struggle with unmanageable behavior when it comes to sex and love. Shame settles in and refuses to leave. But there is hope and a way out of this shame. As you begin to understand the nature of love and sex addiction –how it forms in infancy and how culturally you’ve been set up for it – shame diminishes, and your spirit is freed up for healing. Are you ready to heal?
Ready to Heal can help you if you’re struggling in a relationship with a sex addict, facing your own sex addiction, obsessing about someone who doesn’t want you, or if you’re looking for deeper understanding of your romantic patterns. At its core, love and sex addiction is a longing for intimacy. Since love, connection, and sexual intimacy are basic human needs, healing addictive relationships prepares you to give and receive love in healthy ways. Part of being ready to heal is having faith that although you don’t know what will happen, you are prepared to move forward on the journey. By following the stories of four brave women, you will discover how to break free from painful addictive relationships.
A chapter on mother hunger explores the role of your mother in your infancy. Think about it. Your relationship with your mother was the earliest foundation for how you formulated a sense of yourself and how you understand relationships. Your mother’s love or lack of it became imprinted on your developing brain. It even continues to direct your relational choices today. Your first experience with love and trust was with your mother’s touch, voice, and body. In her arms, early on you formed a belief about whether or not you were loveable. Early experiences with your mother are stored in your body. In turn, they lay the groundwork for addictive relationship patterns. Author Kelly McDaniel shows why exploring mother hunger is necessary to heal from addictive relationships and what it takes to form healthy intimate relationships. Are you ready to heal?
Kelly McDaniel, MA, LPC, NCC, CSAT, is a licensed professional counselor and a sex addiction therapist in private practice in San Antonio, Texas.
Ready to Heal can help you if you’re struggling in a relationship with a sex addict, facing your own sex addiction, obsessing about someone who doesn’t want you, or if you’re looking for deeper understanding of your romantic patterns. At its core, love and sex addiction is a longing for intimacy. Since love, connection, and sexual intimacy are basic human needs, healing addictive relationships prepares you to give and receive love in healthy ways. Part of being ready to heal is having faith that although you don’t know what will happen, you are prepared to move forward on the journey. By following the stories of four brave women, you will discover how to break free from painful addictive relationships.
A chapter on mother hunger explores the role of your mother in your infancy. Think about it. Your relationship with your mother was the earliest foundation for how you formulated a sense of yourself and how you understand relationships. Your mother’s love or lack of it became imprinted on your developing brain. It even continues to direct your relational choices today. Your first experience with love and trust was with your mother’s touch, voice, and body. In her arms, early on you formed a belief about whether or not you were loveable. Early experiences with your mother are stored in your body. In turn, they lay the groundwork for addictive relationship patterns. Author Kelly McDaniel shows why exploring mother hunger is necessary to heal from addictive relationships and what it takes to form healthy intimate relationships. Are you ready to heal?
Kelly McDaniel, MA, LPC, NCC, CSAT, is a licensed professional counselor and a sex addiction therapist in private practice in San Antonio, Texas.
240 pages, Paperback
First published July 25, 2012
66 people are currently reading
325 people want to read
About the author
Kelly McDaniel
28 books88 followersHi, I’m Kelly.
For those of you who don’t know me, I’d like to introduce myself. To start, this website is my professional “self”. While I bring my whole self to the work that I do, I will focus on the evolution of my practice in this section.
I consider myself a psychotherapist who happened to write two books. My friends and colleagues who are “true” writers seem to enjoy the process of writing more than I do. The solitary nature of it, the creative juiciness of if, the thrill of finding the right word(s). Writing is hard, even if it’s a true calling. As much as I love the power of language, I prefer clinical work where much of what is “said” requires no words.
My first book, Ready to Heal: Helping Women Heal from Addictive Relationships, responded to a need I was seeing early on in my practice ~ specifically, women showing up with addictive relational patterns. Most of the literature available to help them was geared toward men. There was no mention of the toxic culture that creates “love/sex addiction”. In other words, there was very little mention of patriarchy in the literature.
Ready to Heal includes 4 cultural beliefs that I believe women inherit in a misogynistic system where our bodies are objectified and targeted; where women grow up knowing sexual fear.
Additionally, as I listened to my clients’ stories, I heard a similar, haunting theme…a primitive, tender longing for “mom”. So, without a lot of science behind me, I named “Mother Hunger” as an attachment injury that creates a climate for love to become addictive. This was 2008 before we were talking much about Attachment Theory or ACE’s, and certainly we weren’t discussing complex PTSD.
The term struck a nerve. Colleagues either dismissed me or were intrigued. But overwhelmingly, my clients experienced a resonance with the name that helped their bodies sigh with relief.
Since then, I’ve devoted myself to nurturing insecure attachment and maternal deprivation in adult women. It became very clear that Mother Hunger needed her own book, so I compiled all the research I had been doing since 2008 and published my second book, Mother Hunger; How Adult Daughters Can Understand and Heal from Lost Nurturance, Protection, and Guidance (Hay House,2021).
Mother Hunger was a much harder book to write than the first one. For one reason, I was afraid. My greatest fear was that I might somehow contribute to the impossible load mothers carry every day. Each word took immeasurable attention and love to avoid this possibility.
Another reason is that like many of you who have read the book or are reading the book, I am a mother. Each chapter brought me face to face with ways I failed to attach to my child like I had hoped I could. Like I had fantasized I would. (and I already knew a lot of stuff!)
But my body carried untreated heartbreak from my own childhood, and as we know now, our intellect and rational thinking is no match for untreated trauma.
Maybe you feel Mother Hunger yourself and are looking for professional guidance in your healing process. Or maybe you’re a professional wanting to better guide your clients on their healing path. Maybe you want a speaker for your next event. No matter how you’ve arrived, I’ve designed this site to be a resource for you.
With love and hope,
Kelly.
For those of you who don’t know me, I’d like to introduce myself. To start, this website is my professional “self”. While I bring my whole self to the work that I do, I will focus on the evolution of my practice in this section.
I consider myself a psychotherapist who happened to write two books. My friends and colleagues who are “true” writers seem to enjoy the process of writing more than I do. The solitary nature of it, the creative juiciness of if, the thrill of finding the right word(s). Writing is hard, even if it’s a true calling. As much as I love the power of language, I prefer clinical work where much of what is “said” requires no words.
My first book, Ready to Heal: Helping Women Heal from Addictive Relationships, responded to a need I was seeing early on in my practice ~ specifically, women showing up with addictive relational patterns. Most of the literature available to help them was geared toward men. There was no mention of the toxic culture that creates “love/sex addiction”. In other words, there was very little mention of patriarchy in the literature.
Ready to Heal includes 4 cultural beliefs that I believe women inherit in a misogynistic system where our bodies are objectified and targeted; where women grow up knowing sexual fear.
Additionally, as I listened to my clients’ stories, I heard a similar, haunting theme…a primitive, tender longing for “mom”. So, without a lot of science behind me, I named “Mother Hunger” as an attachment injury that creates a climate for love to become addictive. This was 2008 before we were talking much about Attachment Theory or ACE’s, and certainly we weren’t discussing complex PTSD.
The term struck a nerve. Colleagues either dismissed me or were intrigued. But overwhelmingly, my clients experienced a resonance with the name that helped their bodies sigh with relief.
Since then, I’ve devoted myself to nurturing insecure attachment and maternal deprivation in adult women. It became very clear that Mother Hunger needed her own book, so I compiled all the research I had been doing since 2008 and published my second book, Mother Hunger; How Adult Daughters Can Understand and Heal from Lost Nurturance, Protection, and Guidance (Hay House,2021).
Mother Hunger was a much harder book to write than the first one. For one reason, I was afraid. My greatest fear was that I might somehow contribute to the impossible load mothers carry every day. Each word took immeasurable attention and love to avoid this possibility.
Another reason is that like many of you who have read the book or are reading the book, I am a mother. Each chapter brought me face to face with ways I failed to attach to my child like I had hoped I could. Like I had fantasized I would. (and I already knew a lot of stuff!)
But my body carried untreated heartbreak from my own childhood, and as we know now, our intellect and rational thinking is no match for untreated trauma.
Maybe you feel Mother Hunger yourself and are looking for professional guidance in your healing process. Or maybe you’re a professional wanting to better guide your clients on their healing path. Maybe you want a speaker for your next event. No matter how you’ve arrived, I’ve designed this site to be a resource for you.
With love and hope,
Kelly.
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
May 4, 2024
Took a while to get through. Very difficult and also healing.
February 25, 2018
Out of all of the books I have read on addictive relationships, this one is in the top. The beginning is slow, but eventually it is filled with helpful ideas. There were scenarios in this that i could relate to quite a bit. It was helpful to hear things put into perspective and opened my eyes to actions I have denied. Typically I am not one to highlight in books, but I did in this one, so I can go back to reference points when I'm feeling weak. Healing from these kinds of relationships are extremely difficult, because unless someone has experienced this kind of abuse, you just don't get it. Often we end up on this healing path alone and it can be scary and overwhelming. This wasn't just about sex addiction, it can relate to any kind of addictive relationship.
February 9, 2020
I found a lot of similarities and a new understanding of attachment and relationships. Many of the examples gave me insights, not only into myself, but my close female friends and my mother as well. I think I finished the book with more understanding, compassion and acceptance of myself and women in general... really eye and heart opening and informative. Give it a read, even if you don’t experience sex and love addiction, you will learn a lot about yourself and other women you know!
November 7, 2019
The most helpful book I've read on the topic of "love and sex addiction". I really dislike that terminology, but as a process, it's obviously so clear.
January 17, 2021
Beautiful and hard hitting. A brief but impactful insight on sex and love addiction and the childhood pain we do our best to heal as adults.
March 23, 2021
Game changer
November 8, 2020
Loved this book
Ive read all the big famous books on trauma and this little gem was just really special for me. Maybe because the focus was on women.
Ive read all the big famous books on trauma and this little gem was just really special for me. Maybe because the focus was on women.
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January 10, 2014es facil estar en una relacion adictiva sin darse cuenta
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews