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Griefland: An Intimate Portrait of Love, Loss, and Unlikely Friendship
Griefland. It’s a place no one wants to visit—a place without borders where language is inadequate and pain is constant. It’s a place where every morning one awakens to the stark reality that a loved one will never be seen, heard—or embraced—again. This is a place that Armen Bacon and Nancy Miller know all too well, for when they met, both of them had lost a child—a son, Alex, and a daughter, Rachel.
Griefland provides an intimate portrait of what tragedy does to the human soul, how it changes one’s life, and most important, how it can be survived. With achingly beautiful language, this book explores the acute moment-to-moment experience of grief. But it also transcends that and speaks to the redemptive power of friendship, trust, intimacy, and love. Together they discover a will and desire to move forward, recognizing that life is the ultimate prize for those who survive this excruciating journey.
Griefland provides an intimate portrait of what tragedy does to the human soul, how it changes one’s life, and most important, how it can be survived. With achingly beautiful language, this book explores the acute moment-to-moment experience of grief. But it also transcends that and speaks to the redemptive power of friendship, trust, intimacy, and love. Together they discover a will and desire to move forward, recognizing that life is the ultimate prize for those who survive this excruciating journey.
- GenresGriefNonfiction
168 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2012
About the author
Armen Bacon
4 books11 followersArmen Bacon is a wife, mother, professional woman, and author. A passion for people, travel, and writing - these are the things that run through her veins. She is a storyteller. A memory keeper. A writer of docu-memories for the soul and the human condition, "connective tissue that makes us all more human."
Armen is a regular contributor to The Fresno Bee and since 2006 has written/voiced a radio feature titled Live, Laugh, Love. For more than two decades, she has served as a media spokesperson for education. She is a four-year artisan alum from the CSU Summer Arts Program where she studied memoir, poetic prose, narrative non-fiction, and flash fiction.
Armen is a regular contributor to The Fresno Bee and since 2006 has written/voiced a radio feature titled Live, Laugh, Love. For more than two decades, she has served as a media spokesperson for education. She is a four-year artisan alum from the CSU Summer Arts Program where she studied memoir, poetic prose, narrative non-fiction, and flash fiction.
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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
April 17, 2013
Two women meet through a mutual friend, and begin a friendship of help and support. Both lost adult children to heroin overdose. Armen is in her fourth year of bereavement and Nancy has just begun. They meet and begin an email stream of caring and support, discussing the hills and valleys of "Griefland," often meeting in the Griefland Café. I found the book comforting, and helpful in my continuing journey through Griefland.
March 13, 2013
In addition to speaking my language because I live in Griefland, too, both Bacon and Miller are beautiful writers! They eloquently painted pictures of their beloved children, and of their sadness. Since I can't write it in that way, it was nice to read it and relate to it.
It's true--this book encapsulates much of what my grief journey was/is like. It was uncanny to read what I thought were quirky experiences unique to me.
Like picking any dusty book off my shelf to read before bed, to distraction and exhaustion, to stave off the thoughts that creep when all is quiet and dark. And a seemingly innocent trip to the grocery store turning out to be a disastrous haunted house of triggers.
I did like in the end that Armen, years out, was able to embrace some sort of strength of character she directly attributed to her terrible loss. Though I'm not there, can't say I strive to attain it, or even believe it, hearing her account does give a modicum of hope in a hopeless situation.
I told friends and family if they wanted to understand what I am going through they should read this book. A smattering said they will put it on their reading list. One said she couldn't finish it after the first page. Few if any will read it. I don't blame them. If I didn't experience this unmentionable loss, I probably wouldn't, either.
So thank goodness for Armen Bacon and Nancy Miller for putting it out there and revealing their friendship and the importance of finding others like ourselves, residents of Griefland.
It's true--this book encapsulates much of what my grief journey was/is like. It was uncanny to read what I thought were quirky experiences unique to me.
Like picking any dusty book off my shelf to read before bed, to distraction and exhaustion, to stave off the thoughts that creep when all is quiet and dark. And a seemingly innocent trip to the grocery store turning out to be a disastrous haunted house of triggers.
I did like in the end that Armen, years out, was able to embrace some sort of strength of character she directly attributed to her terrible loss. Though I'm not there, can't say I strive to attain it, or even believe it, hearing her account does give a modicum of hope in a hopeless situation.
I told friends and family if they wanted to understand what I am going through they should read this book. A smattering said they will put it on their reading list. One said she couldn't finish it after the first page. Few if any will read it. I don't blame them. If I didn't experience this unmentionable loss, I probably wouldn't, either.
So thank goodness for Armen Bacon and Nancy Miller for putting it out there and revealing their friendship and the importance of finding others like ourselves, residents of Griefland.
October 5, 2013
I enjoyed the book and I got several interesting ideas from it. It is a good book for grieving mothers.
I like the fact that the two mothers were willing to share with us such a rich dialog they established when their paths crossed over the unfortunate loss of their children. Some parts are very powerful, but I feel overwhelmed but the amount of analogies used by Armen and her too condescending tone at the end. It my appease most people, but it's a bit too much for me. It seems hard to understand why a perfect boy from a perfect family starts to use drugs to a point of dying from overdose. And she brushes just so gently on the problems she had to deal with in her grief, as if to not scratch the "perfectness" of her imaginary life. Nancy's words are more to the point and acceptable as reality.
I like the fact that the two mothers were willing to share with us such a rich dialog they established when their paths crossed over the unfortunate loss of their children. Some parts are very powerful, but I feel overwhelmed but the amount of analogies used by Armen and her too condescending tone at the end. It my appease most people, but it's a bit too much for me. It seems hard to understand why a perfect boy from a perfect family starts to use drugs to a point of dying from overdose. And she brushes just so gently on the problems she had to deal with in her grief, as if to not scratch the "perfectness" of her imaginary life. Nancy's words are more to the point and acceptable as reality.
October 15, 2015
I was given this book by my in-laws, as Armen is their friend and colleague. It sat on my shelf for more than a year, because I really didn't want to read a sad book about a child dying and a mother grieving. But then I heard Armen's story at an awards ceremony last weekend, and I had to read her book. And it was good. The friendship that developed between Armen and Nancy because of their shared experience of loss was special, and they helped each other so much. It's a story of connection and how we need each other. I like how they used a combination of their emails to one another and personal essays.
December 11, 2012
Amazing, wonderful, sad, inspirational...
I am so very proud to know Armen.
I am so very proud to know Armen.
September 4, 2017
Grief sucks. It's such an all-encompassing emotion, and it's nearly impossible to explain it to anyone.
Two women tell their story about grief, and told how they navigated their personal tragedies. I got a bit bored (I'm sorry) because the grief of these two women was the same -- the loss of a child. I would have been more engaged if there were two different stories, as the grief, while undoubtedly horrific, was too similar.
Some of the passages that caught my heart:
" Resist the temptation to hasten your reentry."
"Healing is not a destination, but a lifelong quest."
"....she seemed to be able to give to others what she could not give to herself."
While I gave the book three stars, I have to give the many passages such as these five stars.
I would recommend flipping through this book at the book store before making a commitment to purchase. Grief is not something to fall into expecting a novel and getting a night full of sobbing.
Two women tell their story about grief, and told how they navigated their personal tragedies. I got a bit bored (I'm sorry) because the grief of these two women was the same -- the loss of a child. I would have been more engaged if there were two different stories, as the grief, while undoubtedly horrific, was too similar.
Some of the passages that caught my heart:
" Resist the temptation to hasten your reentry."
"Healing is not a destination, but a lifelong quest."
"....she seemed to be able to give to others what she could not give to herself."
While I gave the book three stars, I have to give the many passages such as these five stars.
I would recommend flipping through this book at the book store before making a commitment to purchase. Grief is not something to fall into expecting a novel and getting a night full of sobbing.
March 13, 2023
Not what I needed it to be.
Audio book isn't done well & it was confusing to tell who's pov I was listening to.
This wasn't worth it for me to read - it's so specific to being a parent.
This is less about grief and more about how these women blame themselves for everything bad that happens, but give themselves far too much credit for the good. I wanted to scream at these ladies in equal parts: "Your child's choices / addictions / deaths had nothing to do with you," and "You are a human, not just a mom"!
At least it was short.
Audio book isn't done well & it was confusing to tell who's pov I was listening to.
This wasn't worth it for me to read - it's so specific to being a parent.
This is less about grief and more about how these women blame themselves for everything bad that happens, but give themselves far too much credit for the good. I wanted to scream at these ladies in equal parts: "Your child's choices / addictions / deaths had nothing to do with you," and "You are a human, not just a mom"!
At least it was short.
March 26, 2017
This book was really good but I really wasn't in the right frame of mind, not that I am sure when I would be other than experiencing what these two are going through, and one can only hope to never have to go through that kind of grief...
By the time it was over I just felt an overwhelming sadness and empathy for their story especially knowing pretty much everyone will experience something similar at some point, maybe not losing a child but being destroyed by grief at the loss of someone.
Good read but really tailored to people who can identify with the pain.
By the time it was over I just felt an overwhelming sadness and empathy for their story especially knowing pretty much everyone will experience something similar at some point, maybe not losing a child but being destroyed by grief at the loss of someone.
Good read but really tailored to people who can identify with the pain.
January 27, 2021
I'm somewhat conflicted about this book. On one hand, I can see how it can give a voice to those who may lack words to express their grief while on the other hand it appears as just e-mails exchanges by two friends who decided to share it with the world without any thought on "how" it might be useful to those experiencing grief. In essence, the authors appeared to assumed that just by reading both Armen and Nancy's personal communication/insights, the reader would somehow benefit. On this point, I think the intention was to share their experience rather than keep these journal entries/personal communication private but somehow in sharing them it misses the point that grief differs based on the person. Overall, I appreciated the insights the authors shared but left thinking that it could of been a bit more practical rather than what appeared to seem like reading the authors constant "stream of thoughts".
October 29, 2025
Memoir- how grief evolves.
August 13, 2012
Was I aware of others' grief before facebook? Probably not. Each day in my news feed I skim over posts claiming a loved one has died or that it is the anniversary of a death. I see requests for prayers and protests of unfathomable deaths (accident/victim/children) linked to news media sites. Before facebook, I thought about death and grief at funerals, and social media has taught me that all I can do is type "I'm sorry for your loss" and probably not mean it or skip the post because I don't do prayers (and I'm not sure how typing "prayers!!!" is the same as praying...). Armen D. Bacon and Nancy Miller have introduced me in their co-authored nonfiction book Griefland to the concept of unanticipated reminders of death in the lives of mourners.
The form alone kept me engaged; tiny minute-by-minute sections suggest survival after trauma is one second at a time. Each section begins with an e-mail from Nancy to Armen, or vice versa, two women who have each lost a child (Armen's son Alex and Nancy's daughter Rachel) to drug addiction-related deaths. When Armen confesses to a therapist she wants her life back, the therapist, "a voice," reminds her, "This IS your life." Once there is grief, there is no "old life," a big lesson Griefland teaches.
On they go, Armen and Nancy, women who were unacquainted prior to the deaths of their children. Part of their grief involves imagination:
'I wonder what those two rascals [Rachel and Alex] are up to,' Nancy would one day write, in a midnight e-mail.
'They might be dancing,' [Armen] would reply.
To write something so interior, and to write it to another person, and to do this over the course of months, is bravery.
There are days of breakdown, the kind that are harder to understand, but fascinating (from a reader's point of view) to follow. When Nancy's nail polish is chipped, she breaks: "For me, it was a full-blown emergency. I cannot bear losing one more piece of myself. I cannot stomach seeing one more thing chipping, falling, or peeling off me..."
Both women come to learn there are no rules for grieving, which sends a message of hope in this book. We wonder in bad times when things will return to normal, when we will "be better, as if we know what that means, as if we believe ourselves to be unchanging creatures with emotional homeostasis. Really, the sense of self solidified is a dream, Griefland suggests: "In time people will need to know are okay, so they can return safely to their own lives, confident that nothing like this could ever happen to them...."
The form alone kept me engaged; tiny minute-by-minute sections suggest survival after trauma is one second at a time. Each section begins with an e-mail from Nancy to Armen, or vice versa, two women who have each lost a child (Armen's son Alex and Nancy's daughter Rachel) to drug addiction-related deaths. When Armen confesses to a therapist she wants her life back, the therapist, "a voice," reminds her, "This IS your life." Once there is grief, there is no "old life," a big lesson Griefland teaches.
On they go, Armen and Nancy, women who were unacquainted prior to the deaths of their children. Part of their grief involves imagination:
'I wonder what those two rascals [Rachel and Alex] are up to,' Nancy would one day write, in a midnight e-mail.
'They might be dancing,' [Armen] would reply.
To write something so interior, and to write it to another person, and to do this over the course of months, is bravery.
There are days of breakdown, the kind that are harder to understand, but fascinating (from a reader's point of view) to follow. When Nancy's nail polish is chipped, she breaks: "For me, it was a full-blown emergency. I cannot bear losing one more piece of myself. I cannot stomach seeing one more thing chipping, falling, or peeling off me..."
Both women come to learn there are no rules for grieving, which sends a message of hope in this book. We wonder in bad times when things will return to normal, when we will "be better, as if we know what that means, as if we believe ourselves to be unchanging creatures with emotional homeostasis. Really, the sense of self solidified is a dream, Griefland suggests: "In time people will need to know are okay, so they can return safely to their own lives, confident that nothing like this could ever happen to them...."
December 28, 2012
“GriefLand” is not the type of book I would normally pull off the shelf, but I am sure glad I did. The book was written by South Puget Sound Community College professor Nancy Miller and her co-author Armen Bacon. The two paint a vivid portrait of what grief feels like and how it affects those who experience it.
I must admit I was a tad hesitant when Miller first approached me to tell me about this book. I feared reading it would bring back painful memories of my own experiences with death and dealing with loss. I had gotten to the point where it was not on my mind everyday, and I was afraid that I would be reminded of the loved ones I had lost and the pain I had experienced. As I read the essays and letters in the book, I was occasionally overcome with the sad realization that my memories of the ones I had lost were nothing more than that — memories. However, as I read further, I began to realize that I was not alone and that some good can come out of loss.
I think that anyone who has lost someone close to them should pick up a copy of this book and read it. Far from being a self-help book, “GriefLand” simply tells the tale of loss and mourning.
I must admit I was a tad hesitant when Miller first approached me to tell me about this book. I feared reading it would bring back painful memories of my own experiences with death and dealing with loss. I had gotten to the point where it was not on my mind everyday, and I was afraid that I would be reminded of the loved ones I had lost and the pain I had experienced. As I read the essays and letters in the book, I was occasionally overcome with the sad realization that my memories of the ones I had lost were nothing more than that — memories. However, as I read further, I began to realize that I was not alone and that some good can come out of loss.
I think that anyone who has lost someone close to them should pick up a copy of this book and read it. Far from being a self-help book, “GriefLand” simply tells the tale of loss and mourning.
November 28, 2013
I read "Griefland" this weekend. The stories touched me in so many ways and I copied down quote after quote. Just a few here: "Decembers will have to be lived differently now." "Reality is not going anywhere..." "It's not so much about healing as about management."And this reminded me of my fiancé: "I am grateful for so many things...for this man with the velvet voice who is a human pillow..."
I am so glad that Armen and Nancy were willing to share their story in this beautiful book.
I am so glad that Armen and Nancy were willing to share their story in this beautiful book.
September 20, 2014
This book is for those who are grieving or for those who love someone who is grieving. The insight the authors offer about what grief truly looks like, feels like, acts like is priceless. "We have recognized that it has been only through fully embracing our losses that we have found our ultimate purpose."
January 10, 2015
I picked up this book to better understand those I love who are living in Griefland and to decide if it was worth sharing with them. It is indeed. These women connect and guide one another through the most difficult of losses, the loss of a child. They are both talented writers and honest women who share the raw truth, while helping to guide one another to their new shared lives.
April 6, 2017
Beautiful. Poignant. They were able to put words to various experiences of my own grief that I hadn't thought before, but immediately recognized and resonated with them when I came upon them in Griefland. Highly recommend.
Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews