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Love Isn't Supposed to Hurt
“I felt like I was being shredded... one painful, hateful word at a time.” Like millions of other women, CNN’s HLN and truTV’s In Session anchor Christi Paul blamed herself for the emotional abuse heaped on her by her first husband, whose violent, profanity-laced tirades left her feeling as though she had no value, no self-worth, and nowhere to turn for help. Then one day, when Christi was taking refuge in a church parking lot, the verse “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” popped into her head. In that moment she realized she did have someplace to turn after all. Holding fast to her faith, Christi began the arduous process of rebuilding her self-image and regaining control of her life. Now happily remarried and the mother of three girls, Christi feels called to share her story in the hope that other victims of abuse will find the courage to seek the help they desperately need and deserve. Spoken with both candor and poignancy, Love Isn’t Supposed to Hurt chronicles Christi’s personal experience with emotional abuse and shows how—with God’s help, some unconventional therapy, and the support of family and friends—she was able to break the cycle of abuse, regain her sense of self-worth, and discover what true love is all about.
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First published May 18, 2012
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About the author
Christi Paul
1 book6 followersChristi Paul is an award-winning journalist and national weekday news anchor for CNN’s HLN and TruTv’s In Session. In her eight years at CNN, she has covered a wide variety of stories, including two presidential elections, the Virginia Tech shootings, the Casey Anthony murder trial, the Warren Jeffs polygamy trial, and the Conrad Murray trial. She has also interviewed such noted figures as Senator John McCain, Reverend Jessie Jackson, former drug czar Barry McCaffrey, actresses Jane Seymour and Patricia Heaton, bestselling author Marianne Williamson, and musicians Keith Urban and Jim Brickman, among others. An accomplished singer, Christi has performed the National Anthem for the Cleveland Indians, the Arizona Diamondbacks, the Atlanta Braves, the Atlanta Thrashers, and the Cleveland Cavaliers. She has also performed onstage with Grammy-winning artists Richard Marx and David Foster. This spring Christi became an ambassador for Liz Claiborne’s Love Is Not Abuse campaign, which aims to teach teenagers about dating violence and help them make healthy relationship decisions. She also serves on the board of Safe Kids Georgia and is an ambassador for the Starlight Starbright Children’s Foundation. Christi lives in Atlanta with her husband, Pete, and their three daughters.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 82 reviews
November 21, 2012
Add 8 years of marriage and 2 kids, take out some of the names he called her and (maybe)the infidelity and this could be my story (When I filed for divorce I said I did not want to be his emotional punching bag anymore - Christi uses this exact term!). I could relate to so much of this there are almost 50 pages turned down and twice that many passages highlighted. Even the parts I could not relate to, things I did not experience helped me to decipher what I have experienced. It is easy to get caught up in one aspect of what has been painful and only focus on that. It is just easy to get caught up in making excuses for it when someone else has experienced worse. Instead, it has made me really take a closer look and be honest with myself about what my life has been like. It made me examine how I contributed to it but, also how I really did not deserve it.
The same day that a friend told me that I have just been "a body walking around without a soul" I read Christi Paul's words: "I could feel myself slipping away,little by little. I was morphing into a body without a spirit."
That is exactly how I have felt, just a shell, everything except my love for my children had become mechanical because nothing was ever real.
If I had to pick one passage that resonated the most it would be this:
"That's what happens when we lose ourselves, for whatever reason-whether it's money, fame, love, jealousy, or pride. If those things make us something we're not, if they twist our core beings into some warped versions of ourselves, we'll feel it. Eventually our souls will recognize what's happening and ache for our real selves to come back."
I'm just sorry it took me so long to listen to my soul. I appreciate the title; just because someone is telling you they love you and they are doing things "because" they love you... doesn't make it okay. It also doesn't mean they don't love you. But, what kind of love is that? It is not supposed to be scary and unpredictable and it is certainly not supposed to hurt.
The same day that a friend told me that I have just been "a body walking around without a soul" I read Christi Paul's words: "I could feel myself slipping away,little by little. I was morphing into a body without a spirit."
That is exactly how I have felt, just a shell, everything except my love for my children had become mechanical because nothing was ever real.
If I had to pick one passage that resonated the most it would be this:
"That's what happens when we lose ourselves, for whatever reason-whether it's money, fame, love, jealousy, or pride. If those things make us something we're not, if they twist our core beings into some warped versions of ourselves, we'll feel it. Eventually our souls will recognize what's happening and ache for our real selves to come back."
I'm just sorry it took me so long to listen to my soul. I appreciate the title; just because someone is telling you they love you and they are doing things "because" they love you... doesn't make it okay. It also doesn't mean they don't love you. But, what kind of love is that? It is not supposed to be scary and unpredictable and it is certainly not supposed to hurt.
June 24, 2012
Can I give this book a 10 star rating? I devoured it front to back cover in less than 6 hours. I absolutely loved this book. Her story was so affirming and empowering and I couldn't help but to empathize and relate to so much of her pain. I loved how she clearly referenced God and how he didn't design us to be abused. She also made it very clear why victims just don't leave. I loved her analogy of being an emotional punching bag. There was just so much about this book I really enjoyed; I closed the book feeling empowered and telling myself how I'm worth so much more than this.
August 31, 2012
A brutally honest book about the triumph and hardships of overcoming emotional abuse.
Christi Paul tells her personal story of suffering and overcoming emotional abuse, that came in the form of someone she loved.
Love Isn't Supposed to Hurt was a well written read that was engaging, yet hard to read for me personally because of the nature of the content. As I read my heart was breaking for Christi, and it reminded me of how hard it is to stand up for yourself when you are being hurt. The book follows Christi through the tumultuous times of her first marriage, and the long process of healing.
I think this was a very inspiring read, not only for others who have suffered abuse from a spouse but also for people who have experienced bullying or any other kind of hurt caused by another's words.
Overall this was a well written book, that was encouraging and inspiring. I loved how it was deeply personal, even though she never revealed her ex's full name. There were some scenes that were depicted that had implied curse words, they weren't there, but I could figure out what they were originally. I didn't have a problem with that though because it it what truly happened in Ms. Paul's life and she did job of writing from the heart, I could feel the emotion in each page. She had a strong inspiring faith, and there were many times when she got back up when I thought she was at the end of her rope. Very well done.
Though this is a book that I am not likely to read again, but would recommend to people who want to read a heartfelt book of overcoming a haunting hurt.
No review required.
Christi Paul tells her personal story of suffering and overcoming emotional abuse, that came in the form of someone she loved.
Love Isn't Supposed to Hurt was a well written read that was engaging, yet hard to read for me personally because of the nature of the content. As I read my heart was breaking for Christi, and it reminded me of how hard it is to stand up for yourself when you are being hurt. The book follows Christi through the tumultuous times of her first marriage, and the long process of healing.
I think this was a very inspiring read, not only for others who have suffered abuse from a spouse but also for people who have experienced bullying or any other kind of hurt caused by another's words.
Overall this was a well written book, that was encouraging and inspiring. I loved how it was deeply personal, even though she never revealed her ex's full name. There were some scenes that were depicted that had implied curse words, they weren't there, but I could figure out what they were originally. I didn't have a problem with that though because it it what truly happened in Ms. Paul's life and she did job of writing from the heart, I could feel the emotion in each page. She had a strong inspiring faith, and there were many times when she got back up when I thought she was at the end of her rope. Very well done.
Though this is a book that I am not likely to read again, but would recommend to people who want to read a heartfelt book of overcoming a haunting hurt.
No review required.
September 18, 2014
I have always enjoyed watching Christi Paul on TruTv. I was excited when I found out that she was such a strong, genuine Christian. Her story of being in an abusive relationship and how she got out was truly inspirational.
The book was very therapeutic for me. While my situation is quite different from Christi's there were a lot of things I could relate to and it was so helpful to see how she coped with everything.
I highlighted A LOT of passages throughout the book but here is one exceptionally good one:
I highly recommend this book to all women and men.
The book was very therapeutic for me. While my situation is quite different from Christi's there were a lot of things I could relate to and it was so helpful to see how she coped with everything.
I highlighted A LOT of passages throughout the book but here is one exceptionally good one:
Circumstances are some of the biggest liars of this world. When trauma strikes--when our bodies become ill or our relationships start to disintegrate or a friend betrays us--we wonder if there is still a purpose for us. We confuse the situations we've been handed as indications of how much--or how little--God loves us. But one doesn't equate with the other.
Your purpose isn't connected to how worthy you feel. It's connected to God's grace. You may not be able to identify your purpose, but that doesn't mean God isn't working behind the scenes, moving the game pieces around to bring it to you. In those moments, your only job is this: keep the faith. Hold on to hope. And don't let tough times steal your joy. That too, is a choice.
I highly recommend this book to all women and men.
February 18, 2018
2.5 Stars, rounded down. I saw Christi Paul on CNN discussing her own story of domestic violence during the Rob Porter scandal in the White House and found her book. Ms. Paul is a brave and admirable woman, who decided to share her own experience of living with a violent alcoholic. It took great courage to come out to the public as a survivor of domestic violence. That being said, this book was so repetitious that it could have been whittled down to a magazine article or two part newspaper feature. I don’t like writing so negatively about a book like this but Love Isn’t Supposed to Hurt sorely needed editing.
I am happy that Ms. Paul was able to safely leave her abuser and hope that this book will help others in similar situations.
National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-779-7233
I am happy that Ms. Paul was able to safely leave her abuser and hope that this book will help others in similar situations.
National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-779-7233
February 13, 2015
Well I will say everyone's story is their own so I have to respect that.
I read this book because of all the great reviews it got from celebrities and people that "every woman should read this book" and "inspiring and brutal honesty"
Not what I expected its 273 pages of how she turned to god and her faith and forgiveness in her ex husband for years of an unhappy marriage full of verbal abuse, drinking and promises to change!
I read this book because of all the great reviews it got from celebrities and people that "every woman should read this book" and "inspiring and brutal honesty"
Not what I expected its 273 pages of how she turned to god and her faith and forgiveness in her ex husband for years of an unhappy marriage full of verbal abuse, drinking and promises to change!
October 8, 2013
I have walked with a couple of girlfriends who were in relationships where they experienced varying degrees of abuse.
I took up christianbook.com's free offer of Christi Paul's eBook, "Love Isn't Supposed to Hurt" and I am glad I did. As I read I felt as though I was with Christi as she went through the four years with Justin. More than that, I could so easily have replaced Christi's name in the book, with any of my girlfriends' names and the story would still be true. Her style of writing invites the woman who may be in an abusive situation to listen to one who has walked a similar path. Beyond telling her story, I like that Christi also detailed the steps she took in arriving at the decision she took to divorce Justin, as well as to take back control of her life and walk into her future. She did this in a way that is easily adaptable by the reader. She helps the reader to see that although taking back control of your life requires hard decisions which you alone can take, there is around you, a community of people who you may not be aware of who are willing to support you through the process.
Christi pointed out ways in which I can decipher abusive tendencies in relationships. She also helped me to understand why women in abusive relationships hold out hope and why those of us around them underestimate the danger they are in. She wrote, "1. I stayed because I believed marriage was forever, and I was compelled to honour that. 2. I stayed because I genuinely feared the wrath of Justin and I feared being alone. 3. I stayed because I believed in the good side of Justin. 4. I stayed because I couldn't acknowledge that I'd messed up one of the biggest decisions of my life." I look at the number of people around her who sensed that all was not well, and yet did not take any step to get close to her.
I wish I could place this book in the hand of every woman, even man, who is in an abusive relationship. I will be recommending this book to my girlfriends and I will be stocking it also in my bookstore.
I took up christianbook.com's free offer of Christi Paul's eBook, "Love Isn't Supposed to Hurt" and I am glad I did. As I read I felt as though I was with Christi as she went through the four years with Justin. More than that, I could so easily have replaced Christi's name in the book, with any of my girlfriends' names and the story would still be true. Her style of writing invites the woman who may be in an abusive situation to listen to one who has walked a similar path. Beyond telling her story, I like that Christi also detailed the steps she took in arriving at the decision she took to divorce Justin, as well as to take back control of her life and walk into her future. She did this in a way that is easily adaptable by the reader. She helps the reader to see that although taking back control of your life requires hard decisions which you alone can take, there is around you, a community of people who you may not be aware of who are willing to support you through the process.
Christi pointed out ways in which I can decipher abusive tendencies in relationships. She also helped me to understand why women in abusive relationships hold out hope and why those of us around them underestimate the danger they are in. She wrote, "1. I stayed because I believed marriage was forever, and I was compelled to honour that. 2. I stayed because I genuinely feared the wrath of Justin and I feared being alone. 3. I stayed because I believed in the good side of Justin. 4. I stayed because I couldn't acknowledge that I'd messed up one of the biggest decisions of my life." I look at the number of people around her who sensed that all was not well, and yet did not take any step to get close to her.
I wish I could place this book in the hand of every woman, even man, who is in an abusive relationship. I will be recommending this book to my girlfriends and I will be stocking it also in my bookstore.
July 18, 2012
The true life story of the author's marriage to an emotionally draining and abusive husband. Isolated from her family and friends she was drawn to him by his charming yet tempering personality. Challenges and dangers she faced at his hand led her to make sensible decisions on the quest of finding something meaningful and precious in her life. Through it all God is faithful and true.
My heart went out to the author for what she had endured. The choices she made has lessons and sound advice for all who are living with abuse. An eyeopening must read book, so needed today, will cause the reader to recognize personality traits and habits and know how to avoid them before making livelong decisions. Thanks to the author for having the courage to get her story out so that others may benefit. Well written!
My heart went out to the author for what she had endured. The choices she made has lessons and sound advice for all who are living with abuse. An eyeopening must read book, so needed today, will cause the reader to recognize personality traits and habits and know how to avoid them before making livelong decisions. Thanks to the author for having the courage to get her story out so that others may benefit. Well written!
March 1, 2013
Christi Paul shares from a very deep place in her heart, I can truly appreciate that. This is a book about a relationship gone bad, a marriage that really never should have been. There are many lessons to be learned here, if you feel uneasy about a relationship, you should probably move on; and if a person shows you a disturbing side of their personality, see it for what it REALLY is, and again, move on. If you find yourself in a bad relationship/marriage that never should have been, have the courage to admit the mistake & get out of that distructive situation. The title of Christi's book tells it all - there will always be ups and downs, highs & lows in our marriage relationships but it is true that "Love Isn't Suppose to Hurt".
December 28, 2013
Christi's story was so relatable, I feel like there's more highlighted passages than not. Her experience mirrored mine in a lot of places, and I'm happy to say that her words pushed me to do what was necessary. I'm happy that her story has a happy ending and I'm sure mine will too. A must read for anyone who is in a relationship or getting out of one that did not serve them.
November 15, 2012
Trying to find a book for a loved one going through a painful relationship that offers heartfelt insight & encouraging biblical principles is difficult. Christi's experience & hope conveyed to the reader was just what I was looking for.
August 30, 2012
“I believe serving God means being true to who He made you to be. It means allowing yourself to feel and be cognizant of the God-given desires stirring inside you.” – Christi Paul
A Little of My Personal Testimony:
In 1984, in the middle of the school year, my parents moved us across the state of New York to a new home in the Catskill Mountains. Leaving friends behind, I looked forward to making new ones. As a third grader, I never expected others may not need a new friend. In the small-town school I entered, cliques ruled the roost. My new nickname became Muttley, and the boys would continue to call me that (among other not-so-nice names) through to graduation.
Although I spent several years struggling with rejection and depression, I decided somewhere along the way I didn’t need to be around people who didn’t want me around. Instead, I went searching for love in wrong places, my faith in God waned and I poured myself into trying to “save” others (guys, in particular) who struggled with any number of emotional issues.
My senior year of high school, I fell in love with a guy who thought it a great joke to punch me in the arm. The bruise covered most of my upper arm and lasted for a couple of weeks. Deep purple. My mom noticed and wondered if I had been abused. I lied and covered for a guy who obviously didn’t care much about my well-being. “He was just joking around. He didn’t mean to hit so hard. We were play fighting.”
When I was twenty-one, I decided I couldn’t follow my parents’ house rules and Christian restrictions on my dating life, so I moved out of their house and moved in with my verbally abusive boyfriend, who let his fists fly when he drank too much. I should have used my brain and broken up with him then. At least we were still in our hometown area. But, no. I figured I could love him out of his abused heart, and we moved two hours away from home, into our own apartment. Within a few months, I found myself wondering if he cared at all. His words hurt and accused. I wondered if he was faithful or cheating while he worked two days in a row (job requirement). And then the physical abuse returned, only this time he wasn’t drunk.
Throughout the years I’d taken all the hurtful words others had spoken to heart. I allowed my self-esteem to drop but put up a brick wall front and refused to admit I hurt so deeply. I’d taken on the world’s image of me, and I’d tried to fit in wherever a flicker of acceptance existed.
In 1996, when I finally gave my heart completely over to the Lord, I discovered freedom in scriptures that spoke of God’s love for me and His design. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am the apple of His eye. I am a daughter of the King of Kings. His words washed over me, and I found myself clinging to the truth that I am created in His image and likeness, and He has a plan and a purpose for my life.
My Book Review:
In Christi Paul’s memoir, Love Isn’t Supposed to Hurt, she shares her story of how she took on the image of how others - particularly her emotionally abusive husband of four years - saw her. Through questioning God, questioning her own motives and reasoning, and answering some unconventional questions from her counselor, she discovers who she really is as a person and a daughter of God.
I found her story incredibly relatable, both for the person in an abusive relationship and the person who grew up listening to others call them a loser.
If you find yourself wondering who you are and what purpose you have here on earth, read Christi’s book. Understand that God created you as a unique individual. He has given you your strengths and your weaknesses. He has something for you to do that no other can. And that is how we serve Him best. By taking the gifts and talents He’s given us and doing what He calls us to do. Because no one else can.
A Little of My Personal Testimony:
In 1984, in the middle of the school year, my parents moved us across the state of New York to a new home in the Catskill Mountains. Leaving friends behind, I looked forward to making new ones. As a third grader, I never expected others may not need a new friend. In the small-town school I entered, cliques ruled the roost. My new nickname became Muttley, and the boys would continue to call me that (among other not-so-nice names) through to graduation.
Although I spent several years struggling with rejection and depression, I decided somewhere along the way I didn’t need to be around people who didn’t want me around. Instead, I went searching for love in wrong places, my faith in God waned and I poured myself into trying to “save” others (guys, in particular) who struggled with any number of emotional issues.
My senior year of high school, I fell in love with a guy who thought it a great joke to punch me in the arm. The bruise covered most of my upper arm and lasted for a couple of weeks. Deep purple. My mom noticed and wondered if I had been abused. I lied and covered for a guy who obviously didn’t care much about my well-being. “He was just joking around. He didn’t mean to hit so hard. We were play fighting.”
When I was twenty-one, I decided I couldn’t follow my parents’ house rules and Christian restrictions on my dating life, so I moved out of their house and moved in with my verbally abusive boyfriend, who let his fists fly when he drank too much. I should have used my brain and broken up with him then. At least we were still in our hometown area. But, no. I figured I could love him out of his abused heart, and we moved two hours away from home, into our own apartment. Within a few months, I found myself wondering if he cared at all. His words hurt and accused. I wondered if he was faithful or cheating while he worked two days in a row (job requirement). And then the physical abuse returned, only this time he wasn’t drunk.
Throughout the years I’d taken all the hurtful words others had spoken to heart. I allowed my self-esteem to drop but put up a brick wall front and refused to admit I hurt so deeply. I’d taken on the world’s image of me, and I’d tried to fit in wherever a flicker of acceptance existed.
In 1996, when I finally gave my heart completely over to the Lord, I discovered freedom in scriptures that spoke of God’s love for me and His design. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am the apple of His eye. I am a daughter of the King of Kings. His words washed over me, and I found myself clinging to the truth that I am created in His image and likeness, and He has a plan and a purpose for my life.
My Book Review:
In Christi Paul’s memoir, Love Isn’t Supposed to Hurt, she shares her story of how she took on the image of how others - particularly her emotionally abusive husband of four years - saw her. Through questioning God, questioning her own motives and reasoning, and answering some unconventional questions from her counselor, she discovers who she really is as a person and a daughter of God.
I found her story incredibly relatable, both for the person in an abusive relationship and the person who grew up listening to others call them a loser.
If you find yourself wondering who you are and what purpose you have here on earth, read Christi’s book. Understand that God created you as a unique individual. He has given you your strengths and your weaknesses. He has something for you to do that no other can. And that is how we serve Him best. By taking the gifts and talents He’s given us and doing what He calls us to do. Because no one else can.
July 15, 2019
excellent book about a woman's struggle to live her best life after abuse from her husband. She actually took this horrible time and made it a learning tool to better herself.
January 2, 2013
Ms. Paul tells a compelling story and I feel for her. I spent much of the book feeling like I was watching a horror movie screaming at the tv- don't answer the phone/door. There is more abuse here than just someone mentally beating someone else down- he verbally and physically terrorizes her- even if he isn't beating her up. This doesn't seem to be honestly acknowledged.
Ms. Paul either needed a better editor or a better ghost writer. Her reactions to the events that take place and how she feels about them all sound the same after a while. No matter how horrible they are. She also doesn't appear to really see that some of what is done is torture (keeping someone awake, etc.) and is also physical abuse.
I did like that she explained her reasons for what she did and what she was thinking and I had tremendous sympathy for her. However, the book was uneven in how and when these explanations are given. As far as the content, the fact that she was much more upset by being publicly humiliated or lied to by someone who is basically terrorizing her (keeping her up all night screaming at her) makes me believe that perhaps some more counseling is in order.
I'm not a Christian and have no opinion on how what she did and thought reflects her religion. However, I did appreciate her explanation of how it played into these thoughts.
Interesting and probably good to read and discuss with teenager or young adult daughters. But needs better editing. (yeah yeah, I know some people get mad when all they care about is content and someone is criticizing something they think is trivial- but it is a book and writing is important to me.)
ETA that either she wasn't honest with her family or they failed her tremendously. The response to your daughter whose husband screams at her, in her face, for hours and hours on end is not - I'll support you no matter you decision. It is get out before he kills you.
Ms. Paul either needed a better editor or a better ghost writer. Her reactions to the events that take place and how she feels about them all sound the same after a while. No matter how horrible they are. She also doesn't appear to really see that some of what is done is torture (keeping someone awake, etc.) and is also physical abuse.
I did like that she explained her reasons for what she did and what she was thinking and I had tremendous sympathy for her. However, the book was uneven in how and when these explanations are given. As far as the content, the fact that she was much more upset by being publicly humiliated or lied to by someone who is basically terrorizing her (keeping her up all night screaming at her) makes me believe that perhaps some more counseling is in order.
I'm not a Christian and have no opinion on how what she did and thought reflects her religion. However, I did appreciate her explanation of how it played into these thoughts.
Interesting and probably good to read and discuss with teenager or young adult daughters. But needs better editing. (yeah yeah, I know some people get mad when all they care about is content and someone is criticizing something they think is trivial- but it is a book and writing is important to me.)
ETA that either she wasn't honest with her family or they failed her tremendously. The response to your daughter whose husband screams at her, in her face, for hours and hours on end is not - I'll support you no matter you decision. It is get out before he kills you.
December 30, 2012
Although I have not had an experience like Christi I found this book very insightful. I've seen friends in similar relationships and it gave me a better understanding of what they went through. I think anyone could take something away from this book.
Here are a few quotes I liked:
"A safe partner builds you up. A dangerous one tears you down." pg 162
"'You know the only difference between us and God? God doesn't think he's us.' ...Who among us hasn't tried to play God with our lives, deluding ourselves into thinking we could understand it all and control it all? And how often have we found ourselves in a pit after trying to drive that truckload of chaos on our own?" pg 147
On pg 143 her four emotional handcuffs were good to hear.
"Our differences can complement each other, no doubt. But we can never live vicariously through another person. We need to find our wholeness, our sense of completion on our own. No human will be able to do that for us." pg 121
"If we concentrate on the pain, it's awfully hard to see the hope. Pain is temporary. How temporary is up to us." pg 108
"I understood that when you forgive someone, it doesn't mean you're condoning what that person did to you. You're not saying, 'It's okay that you hurt me.' It doesn't mean you dismiss the person's behavior or ignore the consequences you're left to deal with. And it doesn't mean you absolve the person of his or her own responsibility to get it together." pg 103
"Hear this loud and clear, my friends: you weren't put here to be abused. God's will isn't for us to wake up each day mired in fear, self-doubt, and condemnation." pg 77
Here are a few quotes I liked:
"A safe partner builds you up. A dangerous one tears you down." pg 162
"'You know the only difference between us and God? God doesn't think he's us.' ...Who among us hasn't tried to play God with our lives, deluding ourselves into thinking we could understand it all and control it all? And how often have we found ourselves in a pit after trying to drive that truckload of chaos on our own?" pg 147
On pg 143 her four emotional handcuffs were good to hear.
"Our differences can complement each other, no doubt. But we can never live vicariously through another person. We need to find our wholeness, our sense of completion on our own. No human will be able to do that for us." pg 121
"If we concentrate on the pain, it's awfully hard to see the hope. Pain is temporary. How temporary is up to us." pg 108
"I understood that when you forgive someone, it doesn't mean you're condoning what that person did to you. You're not saying, 'It's okay that you hurt me.' It doesn't mean you dismiss the person's behavior or ignore the consequences you're left to deal with. And it doesn't mean you absolve the person of his or her own responsibility to get it together." pg 103
"Hear this loud and clear, my friends: you weren't put here to be abused. God's will isn't for us to wake up each day mired in fear, self-doubt, and condemnation." pg 77
May 7, 2014
I was very disappointed in the contents and couldn't believe the publisher let her get by listing her exspouse with an anonymous name of "Justin" when they are both public figures. An everyday person can get by doing something like that but public figures - no! SMDH! Christi kept repeating herself over and over in every chapter. If you erased all the redundancy in the book you would come up with a solid 1 chapter book. I am sorry for what she had to endure but she kept saying over and over in every chapter about the ephiphanies she was experiencing so I don't get why it took her so long to leave? I mean let's face it - she kept saying God was telling her these things and yet she just wasn't getting it until like 4 years into the marriage? They had no children, and she had many opportunities to leave and on top of it, she kept saying over and over how much of a good guy he really was but had demons - I am sure Charles Manson minus his demons is a great guy too - (eyes rolling here!) I love Christi Paul and think she is beautiful but she needs to stick to being an anchor and expressing her story verbally until she masters the art of writing. I also think she wanted to get her story out there but was very uncomfortable in doing so or she wouldn't have praised Rob Koebel throughout the whole book after bashing him chapter by chapter! it was like if she praised him it would negate the negative words she used against him - the whole book was a disaster, in my opinion! The worst book I have ever read - SERIOUSLY!
February 22, 2015
I wasn't expecting this book to be as good as it was. It is a honest look at a marriage gone bad and the healing afterward. The author does not place all the blame on her spouse and does not encourage the blame game. She focuses on the healing. Yes we hear her side of what went wrong but I thought she did a good job at being fair and what she told was with the goal of healing in mind. I found this to be a book that made me want to work on healing myself from past relationships, (far more brutal than the story she told though only because of the physical aspect. Words can and do hurt deeply.They do scar.). I have recommended this book to others who have went through bad relationships. I know not everyone is ready to be so open and forgiving to a former partner who hurt them, (in truth I am not certain I will be as generous as she was), but there is a truth that you forgive for you, not for them. Most people I have forgiven in my life may not even be aware that I have forgiven them, many may not even care. I do it to set myself free not to set them free. This book come with resources and healing exercises. The exercises aren't easy but I do think they are helpful. While this book was written about spousal abuse I do think the exercises may help you through any relationship, (partner, family, friends), where you were left feeling bruised.
October 4, 2014
Book Details:
Like millions of other women, CNN’s Headline News and truTV’s In Session anchor Christi Paul blamed herself for the emotional abuse heaped on her by her first husband, whose violent, profanity-laced tirades left her feeling as though she had no value, no self-worth, and nowhere to turn for help.
Then one day, when Christi was taking refuge in a church parking lot, the verse “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” popped into her head. In that moment, she realized she did have someplace to turn after all. Holding fast to her faith, Christi began the arduous process of rebuilding her self-image and regaining control of her life.
Now happily remarried and the mother of three girls, Christi feels called to share her story in the hope that other victims will find courage to seek the help they desperately need and deserve.
Written with great candor and poignancy, Love Isn’t Supposed to Hurt chronicles Christi’s personal experience of dealing with emotional abuse and shows how—with God’s help, some unconventional therapy, and the support of family and friends—she was able to break the cycle of abuse, regain her sense of self-worth, and discover what true love is really all about.
Like millions of other women, CNN’s Headline News and truTV’s In Session anchor Christi Paul blamed herself for the emotional abuse heaped on her by her first husband, whose violent, profanity-laced tirades left her feeling as though she had no value, no self-worth, and nowhere to turn for help.
Then one day, when Christi was taking refuge in a church parking lot, the verse “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” popped into her head. In that moment, she realized she did have someplace to turn after all. Holding fast to her faith, Christi began the arduous process of rebuilding her self-image and regaining control of her life.
Now happily remarried and the mother of three girls, Christi feels called to share her story in the hope that other victims will find courage to seek the help they desperately need and deserve.
Written with great candor and poignancy, Love Isn’t Supposed to Hurt chronicles Christi’s personal experience of dealing with emotional abuse and shows how—with God’s help, some unconventional therapy, and the support of family and friends—she was able to break the cycle of abuse, regain her sense of self-worth, and discover what true love is really all about.
May 3, 2015
One cannot help but feel sorry for a celebutard who marries a bad drunk, but this memoir is really a black comedy of "I, I, I, I, me, me, me, poor pitiful me." What a surprise. Bathos from a well-paid CNN propagandist. If you want to know what's really going on in America, read Al-Jazeera online or watch Russian state television.
Love isn't supposed to hurt? Either she has never read, or didn't pay attention in whatever Shakespeare course she took at whatever 4th rate university she attended while she was busy majoring in "broadcast journalism,"--an oxymoron, if not a double entendre--to a single page of Shakespeare, whose variations on a Christian theme is everywhere in his work: among the main sources of suffering, along with incarnation and the miseries of wants, ambitions, and desires, is the presence of other people. Among the many lies of modern psychology: without other people happiness is not possible. The ancients to the 19th century knew better. As Twain phrased it: "damned human race."
Or in Pascal's phrase: all men naturally hate one another. The universal he includes the she-wolf, the lion, and the leopard--"who know no rest"--that bar Dante's way in the vestibule of Hell.
Love isn't supposed to hurt? Either she has never read, or didn't pay attention in whatever Shakespeare course she took at whatever 4th rate university she attended while she was busy majoring in "broadcast journalism,"--an oxymoron, if not a double entendre--to a single page of Shakespeare, whose variations on a Christian theme is everywhere in his work: among the main sources of suffering, along with incarnation and the miseries of wants, ambitions, and desires, is the presence of other people. Among the many lies of modern psychology: without other people happiness is not possible. The ancients to the 19th century knew better. As Twain phrased it: "damned human race."
Or in Pascal's phrase: all men naturally hate one another. The universal he includes the she-wolf, the lion, and the leopard--"who know no rest"--that bar Dante's way in the vestibule of Hell.
October 8, 2013
I relate to 50-75% of this book. It was clearly a God-incidence that I saw the tweet that linked to the webpage talking about this book. I certainly didn't expect it to have my EXACT thoughts on what I was going through at the time it was happening & the struggles I had with staying & leaving.. and "walking on eggshells" or "dodging landmines." I love how totally honest she is in the writing. I also loved the new insights & revelations she received. I actually highlighted at least 1/4 of the text. I posted & tweeted about some of them.
It wasn't so much what he said & did to me; it was more how he said things & did things. I knew 99% were lies he would say to me, but the fact that he was trying so hard to insult me that I found ridiculous and unacceptable. Anyway, it's been a year since I got away from my ex-husband. I'm so glad someone else understands from living in fear to the freedom and safety. It still remains that God works even our mess-ups out to turn them into lessons/ something good: Much stronger people with more trust in God & a clearer view of ourselves along with hope for the future.
It wasn't so much what he said & did to me; it was more how he said things & did things. I knew 99% were lies he would say to me, but the fact that he was trying so hard to insult me that I found ridiculous and unacceptable. Anyway, it's been a year since I got away from my ex-husband. I'm so glad someone else understands from living in fear to the freedom and safety. It still remains that God works even our mess-ups out to turn them into lessons/ something good: Much stronger people with more trust in God & a clearer view of ourselves along with hope for the future.
January 23, 2013
Once I picked this book up, I couldn’t put it down. It simply broke my heart to know that some women go through life not knowing true love, because they don’t have the guts to leave abusive husbands. I am thankful that in the end, after many wrong turns and mistakes, the heroine finally breaks away from the man to whom she had trusted her heart.
“Hope in God is action. And hope does not disappoint us”. Christi’s life line during her darkest days was a hope and complete reliance upon God. It is sad that she didn’t follow God so closely before getting married. She would have avoided a lot of pain. But now, after having gone through this nightmare, she has comes out as a diamond that has been purified by much pressure.
I really hope that Christi’s story will encourage and liberate women to be strong and courageous enough to leave those abusive spouses, who haven’t grown up from childhood’s self-centeredness. Her message is very open and powerful. There is always hope when there is life.
“Hope in God is action. And hope does not disappoint us”. Christi’s life line during her darkest days was a hope and complete reliance upon God. It is sad that she didn’t follow God so closely before getting married. She would have avoided a lot of pain. But now, after having gone through this nightmare, she has comes out as a diamond that has been purified by much pressure.
I really hope that Christi’s story will encourage and liberate women to be strong and courageous enough to leave those abusive spouses, who haven’t grown up from childhood’s self-centeredness. Her message is very open and powerful. There is always hope when there is life.
June 29, 2014
I appreciate that the author wrote this book. A teenage girl that I care about seems remarkably willing to date boys that treat her poorly, and this book helped me understand better where she might be coming from emotionally. The author explained how she meet and married a man who was verbally abusive, what it took for her to leave the situation, and how she healed afterward. She includes some questions in the back that she found helpful to think through.
The author was very clear that verbal abuse is wrong and no one deserves this abuse. However, one of the author's counselors apparently wanted her to discover so many positive outcomes from surviving the experience that she'd be willing to thank her husband for the abuse. Huh?! That's sick! As a Christian, she should be thanking GOD for bringing positive lessons and growth from the experience, not thanking the person who did the abuse. Anyway, it's worth reading despite this.
The author was very clear that verbal abuse is wrong and no one deserves this abuse. However, one of the author's counselors apparently wanted her to discover so many positive outcomes from surviving the experience that she'd be willing to thank her husband for the abuse. Huh?! That's sick! As a Christian, she should be thanking GOD for bringing positive lessons and growth from the experience, not thanking the person who did the abuse. Anyway, it's worth reading despite this.
January 3, 2013
A inspiring story of how the author managed to break free of an abusive marriage. My only criticism is that although she makes a very good point about emotional abuse being just as real and traumatic as physical abuse, she denies that she was physically abused, just because her husband never actually hit her. However, he shoved her up against a wall and held her by the neck, threatening to bash it in, and held her arms so tightly that she had bruises the next day. I'd call that physical abuse even though it wasn't as often as the almost daily emotional abuse he heaped on her. I just hope it wouldn't make an emotionally abused woman think that her own situation isn't serious, just because there may be no physical contact.
Christi writes from a Christian perspective, and her faith in God and willingness to share that were wonderful to read.
Christi writes from a Christian perspective, and her faith in God and willingness to share that were wonderful to read.
October 26, 2012
I enjoyed the book. While there isn't any turmoil in my marriage (we've been married for just over 4 months), I've known Christi for a long time and I have always admired her. That's why I wanted to read her book.
I admire her even more now. Having lived in her hometown, I knew some of the people she was talking about, especially P.A. It brought back a flood of memories.
Her willingness to open up her heart and soul to discuss difficult times was really brave. I know many people are going to benefit because of Christi and because of this book.
I've always thought that Christi is an exceptionally beautiful lady - inside and out - and I think even moreso now.
I admire her even more now. Having lived in her hometown, I knew some of the people she was talking about, especially P.A. It brought back a flood of memories.
Her willingness to open up her heart and soul to discuss difficult times was really brave. I know many people are going to benefit because of Christi and because of this book.
I've always thought that Christi is an exceptionally beautiful lady - inside and out - and I think even moreso now.
January 5, 2013
This book gave me wonderful insight to dealing with verbal abuse. Christi lays out her struggles in a 4 year marriage of verbal abuse that is very thought provocing. Even though my verbal abuse did not come from my husband but a family member it really opened my eyes to the long term effect it has on whoever has to deal with it. She finds peace with her decisions and life in the end and finds true happiness but says she could not have done that without going through her first marriage.
Very well written and an all over great book.
Very well written and an all over great book.
June 15, 2014
What a brave book for Ms. Paul to write. This took a lot of courage. It was hard at times for me to get through. Not because it was bad but because it was heavy and raw at times. The only thing that I didn't like about this book is that I found it to be preachy at times which wouldn't have bothered me if it had been edited down some because I like some of that but it was just a bit too often and she used the word "we" instead of "I" which took me away from the narrative. This is a great book for someone who has been in an abusive relationship to read for some therapy.
December 31, 2012
Wow! I could really relate to this book and what she went through. Verbal/emotional abuse is a serious, painful issue in so many relationships and it's often ignored. I suffered under it for over 15 yrs before a friend finally helped see that I was crumbling emotionally and falling into depression. I did skim over several pages where the author was describing all of her feelings and realizations only because I felt they were quite verbose and I get lost in all the deep thoughts.
May 12, 2013
Even if you've never been through an abusive relationship this book has some words of wisdom for just about any woman going through tough situations. It's a christian book so of course that goes throughout the whole thing. It has some great quotes in it also. I can't even tell you how often I used the highlight feature in the book to go back and read parts of it later. I randomly found it as a freebie on amazon but it was still worth reading.
October 23, 2014
Raw and honest
This book held me captive. I felt for Christi, and ached for Rob "Justin". I wish more people were honest about their experiences. Christi offers hope and a way to healing (God) to people out there who are hurting. This book is not about making someone out to be the bad guy, it's about recognizing that everyone has a personal battle, and we need to take responsibility for our own fights. Inspiring, brave, and very emotional.
This book held me captive. I felt for Christi, and ached for Rob "Justin". I wish more people were honest about their experiences. Christi offers hope and a way to healing (God) to people out there who are hurting. This book is not about making someone out to be the bad guy, it's about recognizing that everyone has a personal battle, and we need to take responsibility for our own fights. Inspiring, brave, and very emotional.
December 6, 2012
Although I loved reading Christi's story, I was not prepared for this book to be a "self-help" kind of book, with exercises, etc. It is billed as a memoir, but it was too much of a pop psychology book for me to get too excited about it. Having said that, Christi is my favorite anchor on In Session, and hearing her story made me only like her more.
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