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Dignity: Its Essential Role in Resolving Conflict
The desire for dignity is universal and powerful. It is a motivating force behind all human interaction - in families, in communities, in the business world, and in relationships at the international level. When dignity is violated, the response is likely to involve aggression, even violence, hatred, and vengeance. On the other hand, when people treat one another with dignity, they become more connected and are able to create more meaningful relationships. Surprisingly, most people have little understanding of dignity, observes Donna Hicks in this important book. She examines the reasons for this gap and offers a new set of strategies for becoming aware of dignity's vital role in our lives and learning to put dignity into practice in everyday life.
240 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2011
About the author
Donna Hicks
9 books17 followersDonna Hicks, Ph.D. is an associate at the Weatherhead Center for International Affairs, Harvard University. As a conflict resolution specialist, she has facilitated diplomatic efforts in the Middle East and other high-conflict regions and conducted numerous training seminars worldwide.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 105 reviews
September 13, 2011
Donna Hicks has hit upon a really useful and effective way of framing conflict and explaining why people are sometimes willing to literally put their lives on the line when they react to a seemingly insignificant perceived insult or indignity. Her language of dignity doesn't exactly incorporate entirely original ideas, but it's a way of framing the issues I haven't seen before and I think it's golden for one-on-one conflicts, small groups such as collective living environments and workplaces, or maybe even some tribal level conflict.
But I can only give it 3 stars because her attempts to apply it to international conflict between warring state governments lacks any political or economic analysis and she seems unbelievably naive about the nature of power on that scale. I don't doubt the healing she has been able to facilitate in people who have been traumatized by war, but some of it was a bit hard for me to take. She also seems to have a bit of hero-worship going on for Desmond Tutu - an amazing person sure but I got a bit annoyed by how much time she spent praising him.
And I have some mixed feelings about EP in general, but she wasn't determinist about it.
But it's an easy quick read and I do recommend it despite my critiques. I want to print out posters of her 10 Dignity Violations and 10 Temptations to Violate Others' Dignity.
But I can only give it 3 stars because her attempts to apply it to international conflict between warring state governments lacks any political or economic analysis and she seems unbelievably naive about the nature of power on that scale. I don't doubt the healing she has been able to facilitate in people who have been traumatized by war, but some of it was a bit hard for me to take. She also seems to have a bit of hero-worship going on for Desmond Tutu - an amazing person sure but I got a bit annoyed by how much time she spent praising him.
And I have some mixed feelings about EP in general, but she wasn't determinist about it.
But it's an easy quick read and I do recommend it despite my critiques. I want to print out posters of her 10 Dignity Violations and 10 Temptations to Violate Others' Dignity.
February 2, 2015
Everyone in the whole world needs to read this book. Ignore the subtitle (if you are one for whom the word "conflict" has really specific meaning). This is a book about life and relationships...about things we all do and don't do. As we move through the world together, we need the things this book teaches.
Bonus: the chapters are short and full of real stories. This is not an abstract concept book--it's real and immediate and it's easy to find oneself in each example.
Read it. Now, please. :-)
Bonus: the chapters are short and full of real stories. This is not an abstract concept book--it's real and immediate and it's easy to find oneself in each example.
Read it. Now, please. :-)
August 14, 2019
The author’s argument depends a fair amount on the disputed ideology of evolutionary psychology. However, the book still provides a large number of relatable scenarios in which people are interacting with each other in harmful ways and uses the lens of “dignity” to provide suggestions for resolution.
I didn’t expect to like the book (I read it as part of a group project at work) but I found myself thinking about it’s points and trying to connect them to my own life. This is one indication of its effectiveness. YMMV!
I didn’t expect to like the book (I read it as part of a group project at work) but I found myself thinking about it’s points and trying to connect them to my own life. This is one indication of its effectiveness. YMMV!
March 10, 2017
Required reading for anyone who encounters a fellow human throughout the course of their day. Includes practical tips for conflict, difficult conversations, and repairing personal pain, making this a perfect tool for managers. Hicks shares the 10 elements of dignity, 10 temptations for violating it, strategies for handling narcissists, and the epiphany from one of her clients that "I cannot take in your experience and keep my sense of who I am intact at the same time" (pg 109).
March 30, 2013
I like this book so much that I've given away several copies to friends and recommended it to everyone I've talked with, including the entire management team in my office. Donna Hicks takes concepts of human interaction that we are all aware of and packages them together as the "dignity model". Hicks defines dignity as the inherent worth of each human being. She maintains that the root of human conflict, from individual to international conflict, lies in dignity violations. Her intent with this book is to help the reader understand the basic elements of dignity, how we honor dignity in ourselves and others, and how we are prone to violate our own and others dignity. She discusses three developmental stages in our understanding of dignity: dependence, independence and interdependence. As we become more sure of our own dignity and grounded in truly knowing our own worth, we are able to be more open and vulnerable with others without fearing for our emotional and physiological safety. Hicks provides numerous examples of how people have overcome dignity violations and the strength and maturity it takes to achieve this.
The most surprising thing I learned in this book is that reconciliation between two aggrieved parties can take place without offering forgiveness. I've always believed that forgiveness is essential for reconciliation. Many times it is. However, Hicks makes it clear that parties can reconcile on the basis of recognizing each others dignity and humanity. For instance, the victim of a dignity violation can come to understand the viewpoint of the perpetrator, and if the victim had experienced the same circumstances, he/she may have taken the same course as the perpetrator.
A friend asked me if one doesn't have to believe in God to appreciate Hick's concept of dignity. Hicks addresses this question. She says that it is not necessary to believe in God, but to honor dignity we must possess reverence which requires that we believe in something greater than ourselves. She cites Richard Dawkins, a confirmed atheist, as saying that the magnificence of the universe could bring him to his knees. Without reverence and humility we can justify feelings of superiority which leads to all sorts of dignity violations.
This book reveals that when we are centered in dignity not only will we deal graciously with dignity violations; we will be agents of healing the hearts of others. Dignity resides at the very core of love.
The most surprising thing I learned in this book is that reconciliation between two aggrieved parties can take place without offering forgiveness. I've always believed that forgiveness is essential for reconciliation. Many times it is. However, Hicks makes it clear that parties can reconcile on the basis of recognizing each others dignity and humanity. For instance, the victim of a dignity violation can come to understand the viewpoint of the perpetrator, and if the victim had experienced the same circumstances, he/she may have taken the same course as the perpetrator.
A friend asked me if one doesn't have to believe in God to appreciate Hick's concept of dignity. Hicks addresses this question. She says that it is not necessary to believe in God, but to honor dignity we must possess reverence which requires that we believe in something greater than ourselves. She cites Richard Dawkins, a confirmed atheist, as saying that the magnificence of the universe could bring him to his knees. Without reverence and humility we can justify feelings of superiority which leads to all sorts of dignity violations.
This book reveals that when we are centered in dignity not only will we deal graciously with dignity violations; we will be agents of healing the hearts of others. Dignity resides at the very core of love.
December 14, 2025
Hello and welcome to my ramble.
I thought about "incivility" research a lot while reading this, and this gives some good food for thought for humane leadership principles, especially how self-protection doesn't get you far in human connection, and the importance of vulnerability/openness in relationships. It's short and has an easy tone, so it's a fine quick read. But, man, it is rough sometimes and I don't think I could recommend this.
Definition starts strong, but gets fuzzy throughout the book. For Hicks, in the beginning dignity means our inherent value and worth as humans. Treating others with dignity means acting like/showing that they matter and deserve attention. She goes on to talk about "dignity violations," but insists that dignity is not the same thing as respect. She also makes universal claims, and does not keep her idea of dignity culturally bound. Is "dignity" really the clearest term to describe Hicks' interest in peoples' perception of being treated well (which is a big focus throughout chapters)? I'm not sure, but I'm definitely not convinced. She writes about intimacy, vulnerability, openness, and love - and says dignity is distinct. How did I get through this book still sort of scratching my head about what "dignity" is or is not? The essentializing this matters because, wow, Hicks really "sees the world" through the "lens" of "dignity." This book is an example of a researcher going hard into one buzzword conceptualization of how they think all humans work, and coming up muddled and almost-empty without clear empirical grounding or a contextual lens.
I think part of what made this confusing was that this book takes a very individualized, responsibilized approach to "dignity," which, I think, is ultimately and ironically a bit "indiginified." The "acceptance of identity" chapter was particularly fraught, as it framed an Egyptian American's decision to avoid supporting Obama's 2008 campaign even though he would have wanted to (i.e., the "optics" of a Muslim working on Obama's campsign) as an act that demonstrated that he was able to preserve his dignity. So, it does seem helpful to frame that a person's dignity doesn't go away in the face of discrimination, as human dignity is inherent even in the face of discrimination. But, this example, as written, felt more like upholding discriminatory norms (e.g., summarized as, "He was unusually able to not take it personally and just stayed out of the political fight") than really pushing for protecting peoples' dignity. Then, the transition from this example to an example of the author not "going off" on a waiter who accidentally charged her twice for a beverage and then was "rude" about correcting the mistake felt like the author's lens was super limited (e.g., she doesn't acknowledge how often customers violate the dignity of service employees, which obviously could be part of this person's response). Ugh. Later, Hicks argues that, including in the workplace, people not speaking up when someone (including a boss) violates someone's dignity is, by their own fault, exposing themselves to more indignity. She also gives an example of an employee who was fired by a boss after that boss learned he had been gossiping about mean things that she had done; Hicks says that the fired employee's gossip had cost him not just his dignity but also his job. There is no discussion of the boss's need for emotion regulation, fairness, or inappropriate behavior. Yikes!!
Across chapters, this book is most interested in the individual-level; e.g., mirror neurons, emotion regulation, and how our wounded childhoods make us struggle with dignity as adults. There's relatedly an emphasis on (dubious) evolutionary psychology claims. This was all tiring, especially as across the above examples (and others), I didn't catch a systems lens or contextual understanding.
Paradoxically, the incredibly brief (with no references) chapter on inclusion bizarrely asks readers to "imagine" what it's like to be a person of color or immigrant (as though she assumes all her readers are neither people of color nor immigrants; again, othering/perpetuating the whitestream). Ironically, after a chapter on inclusion and the importance of belonging, she seperates out that "most of us" don't experience trauma, but that we can learn from research on traumatized children. Again, this unacknowledged positionality was pretty in contrast to the book's broader argument about/approach to dignity.
What also left me scratching my head was that whether or not sources get cited for claims is really hit-or-miss throughout the book, and the author uses anecdotes to make her points. This got to be really distracting. For example, I think there's a huge jump between a leader recognizing team members' contributions to that leader now being a moral authority. This was one of several strange, grandiose claims that was stated and then quickly moved on from. Relatedly, Hicks has an incredibly interesting, important career in international conflict resolution! Yet, she sometimes mentions or frames important conflicts and conversations she has facilitated and then ... doesn't describe what actually happened, just that it went well.
Okay, all that being said: I liked that there was some emphasis not just on when someone violates your dignity, but when you violate someone else's dignity (although I think this book would be more compelling if the order of these two book parts were flipped). I liked the idea that the most developed understanding of dignity includes the interdepence/importance of recognizing others' dignity. I also liked the warm, conversational, and optimistic tone. The idea that someone who does not want to or won't forgive another could instead offer dignity (rather than forgivness), and that offering dignity is just as good as offering forgiveness, is a gem buried in this often muddy book. Above all, clearly, what Hicks is doing here with her dignity model is definitely interesting enough that I finished this book even though I had the above serious critiques.
I thought about "incivility" research a lot while reading this, and this gives some good food for thought for humane leadership principles, especially how self-protection doesn't get you far in human connection, and the importance of vulnerability/openness in relationships. It's short and has an easy tone, so it's a fine quick read. But, man, it is rough sometimes and I don't think I could recommend this.
Definition starts strong, but gets fuzzy throughout the book. For Hicks, in the beginning dignity means our inherent value and worth as humans. Treating others with dignity means acting like/showing that they matter and deserve attention. She goes on to talk about "dignity violations," but insists that dignity is not the same thing as respect. She also makes universal claims, and does not keep her idea of dignity culturally bound. Is "dignity" really the clearest term to describe Hicks' interest in peoples' perception of being treated well (which is a big focus throughout chapters)? I'm not sure, but I'm definitely not convinced. She writes about intimacy, vulnerability, openness, and love - and says dignity is distinct. How did I get through this book still sort of scratching my head about what "dignity" is or is not? The essentializing this matters because, wow, Hicks really "sees the world" through the "lens" of "dignity." This book is an example of a researcher going hard into one buzzword conceptualization of how they think all humans work, and coming up muddled and almost-empty without clear empirical grounding or a contextual lens.
I think part of what made this confusing was that this book takes a very individualized, responsibilized approach to "dignity," which, I think, is ultimately and ironically a bit "indiginified." The "acceptance of identity" chapter was particularly fraught, as it framed an Egyptian American's decision to avoid supporting Obama's 2008 campaign even though he would have wanted to (i.e., the "optics" of a Muslim working on Obama's campsign) as an act that demonstrated that he was able to preserve his dignity. So, it does seem helpful to frame that a person's dignity doesn't go away in the face of discrimination, as human dignity is inherent even in the face of discrimination. But, this example, as written, felt more like upholding discriminatory norms (e.g., summarized as, "He was unusually able to not take it personally and just stayed out of the political fight") than really pushing for protecting peoples' dignity. Then, the transition from this example to an example of the author not "going off" on a waiter who accidentally charged her twice for a beverage and then was "rude" about correcting the mistake felt like the author's lens was super limited (e.g., she doesn't acknowledge how often customers violate the dignity of service employees, which obviously could be part of this person's response). Ugh. Later, Hicks argues that, including in the workplace, people not speaking up when someone (including a boss) violates someone's dignity is, by their own fault, exposing themselves to more indignity. She also gives an example of an employee who was fired by a boss after that boss learned he had been gossiping about mean things that she had done; Hicks says that the fired employee's gossip had cost him not just his dignity but also his job. There is no discussion of the boss's need for emotion regulation, fairness, or inappropriate behavior. Yikes!!
Across chapters, this book is most interested in the individual-level; e.g., mirror neurons, emotion regulation, and how our wounded childhoods make us struggle with dignity as adults. There's relatedly an emphasis on (dubious) evolutionary psychology claims. This was all tiring, especially as across the above examples (and others), I didn't catch a systems lens or contextual understanding.
Paradoxically, the incredibly brief (with no references) chapter on inclusion bizarrely asks readers to "imagine" what it's like to be a person of color or immigrant (as though she assumes all her readers are neither people of color nor immigrants; again, othering/perpetuating the whitestream). Ironically, after a chapter on inclusion and the importance of belonging, she seperates out that "most of us" don't experience trauma, but that we can learn from research on traumatized children. Again, this unacknowledged positionality was pretty in contrast to the book's broader argument about/approach to dignity.
What also left me scratching my head was that whether or not sources get cited for claims is really hit-or-miss throughout the book, and the author uses anecdotes to make her points. This got to be really distracting. For example, I think there's a huge jump between a leader recognizing team members' contributions to that leader now being a moral authority. This was one of several strange, grandiose claims that was stated and then quickly moved on from. Relatedly, Hicks has an incredibly interesting, important career in international conflict resolution! Yet, she sometimes mentions or frames important conflicts and conversations she has facilitated and then ... doesn't describe what actually happened, just that it went well.
Okay, all that being said: I liked that there was some emphasis not just on when someone violates your dignity, but when you violate someone else's dignity (although I think this book would be more compelling if the order of these two book parts were flipped). I liked the idea that the most developed understanding of dignity includes the interdepence/importance of recognizing others' dignity. I also liked the warm, conversational, and optimistic tone. The idea that someone who does not want to or won't forgive another could instead offer dignity (rather than forgivness), and that offering dignity is just as good as offering forgiveness, is a gem buried in this often muddy book. Above all, clearly, what Hicks is doing here with her dignity model is definitely interesting enough that I finished this book even though I had the above serious critiques.
December 11, 2011
This is another quick read that I chose to elongate as looterature. Everyone at the Press was invited to take a copy of the bound proof, which is sort of a paperback edition with the typos still in it (so please, when you get one of these copies, from my publisher or any other, don't make snide comments about the editing or the proofreading--you don't know how much the editor did accomplish, and the proofreader has by definition not had a chance to fix what you're looking at).
Anyway, this is a remarkably sane, clearthinking call for all of us to cultivate, in ourselves and others, the too-neglected commodity identified in the title. It's a fine line between humanism and New Agey-ness, and a few times Hicks missteps onto the wrong side of that line, but it's hard to imagine anyone who's not a Hitler or a Dahmer reading this and disagreeing with the essence or failing to take away some practical ways to have better relationships with partners, colleagues, and, yes, even antagonists.
Anyway, this is a remarkably sane, clearthinking call for all of us to cultivate, in ourselves and others, the too-neglected commodity identified in the title. It's a fine line between humanism and New Agey-ness, and a few times Hicks missteps onto the wrong side of that line, but it's hard to imagine anyone who's not a Hitler or a Dahmer reading this and disagreeing with the essence or failing to take away some practical ways to have better relationships with partners, colleagues, and, yes, even antagonists.
April 26, 2022
This is such an important book if you’re interacting with people whether in your job or in your everyday lives (which I suppose it’s for everyone haha). It’s so simple to read and the concept was just mindblowing. Dignity is such universal and inherent to every single person. It makes me reflect on how I treat others and even respond to others!
July 10, 2017
Required reading.
April 18, 2021
This is one of those books everyone should read.
Illuminating, humbling, healing.
Illuminating, humbling, healing.
September 20, 2021
Hicks has years of experience in international conflict resolution , and she has highlighted how her work and education has focused on the human need of dignity. She elucidates the elements of dignity, what constitutes a dignity violations, and why dignity is the foundation of relationships, healing and reconciliation. Using specific examples, Hicks shows the power of recognizing and protecting our own and others dignity.
Why I started this book: Selected for our Family Book Club this month.
Why I finished it: Good thing that we postponed our discussion... now I'm a week early and not late. I am looking forward to this discussion as I think that there will be several points to bring up. And I have to say the refrain "blessed are the peacemakers," repeatedly went through my mind as Hicks discussed her work moderating peace talks, business sessions and international conferences.
Why I started this book: Selected for our Family Book Club this month.
Why I finished it: Good thing that we postponed our discussion... now I'm a week early and not late. I am looking forward to this discussion as I think that there will be several points to bring up. And I have to say the refrain "blessed are the peacemakers," repeatedly went through my mind as Hicks discussed her work moderating peace talks, business sessions and international conferences.
September 28, 2024
(Hoopla) Author writes on resolving interpersonal conflict by recognizing and respecting the dignity inherent ourselves and others. She drops a number of jewels:
: love is attention (that statement is so powerful, because it made me realize that all of Chapman’s Five Love Languages involve attention paid to a loved one)
: dignity is ranked ahead of human survival insofar as people will put their lives in jeopardy to preserve their dignity
: being excluded or humiliated stimulates same part of the brain as a physical wound - the harm felt on the inside in the wound to dignity
: self-righteousness has the power to take over our best selves, compromising our ability to see how we justify harming others
: we need to wage good conflict because something in our way of making meaning needs to change
: the ways in which we are holding ourselves together must change if it results in constant conflict with others
: the temptation to compromise our own dignity in the service of self-preservation is something we have to fight (everyone else is fighting the same internal battle)
: what are we here for but to make life a little easier for one another (George Elliot)
: love is attention (that statement is so powerful, because it made me realize that all of Chapman’s Five Love Languages involve attention paid to a loved one)
: dignity is ranked ahead of human survival insofar as people will put their lives in jeopardy to preserve their dignity
: being excluded or humiliated stimulates same part of the brain as a physical wound - the harm felt on the inside in the wound to dignity
: self-righteousness has the power to take over our best selves, compromising our ability to see how we justify harming others
: we need to wage good conflict because something in our way of making meaning needs to change
: the ways in which we are holding ourselves together must change if it results in constant conflict with others
: the temptation to compromise our own dignity in the service of self-preservation is something we have to fight (everyone else is fighting the same internal battle)
: what are we here for but to make life a little easier for one another (George Elliot)
December 23, 2024
This is an excellent book on the psychological dynamics of dignity, face, and disrespect in conflict and conflict management. The author focuses on the issues that really matter in "violations of dignity," and her stories are well chosen to illustrate people problems and ways to resolve them.
The book has some flaws from my point of view, but they would not really detract from its value for most readers. Some flaws flow from the author's failure to locate dignity and respect more carefully in the different actors in a conflict. For example, the word dignity is used to refer to a person's inherent worth, to a person's self-concept, and to a person's presentation as seen by others. "Respect," for some idiosyncratic reason, is defined as something earned, in contrast to "dignity." (But Hicks's multiple referents of dignity make this distinction incoherent, and in any case being earned isn't part of the generally understood meaning of respect.)
Hicks also appeals to neurological and evolutionary explanations for why we sometimes act the way we do but are capable of other kinds of behavior. Some of these explanations are reasonable and some are out on a limb. Mostly they are harmless.
Overall, this is an nicely focused book on conflict resolution, with a few glitches that may only rattle yours truly. I'll get over it.
The book has some flaws from my point of view, but they would not really detract from its value for most readers. Some flaws flow from the author's failure to locate dignity and respect more carefully in the different actors in a conflict. For example, the word dignity is used to refer to a person's inherent worth, to a person's self-concept, and to a person's presentation as seen by others. "Respect," for some idiosyncratic reason, is defined as something earned, in contrast to "dignity." (But Hicks's multiple referents of dignity make this distinction incoherent, and in any case being earned isn't part of the generally understood meaning of respect.)
Hicks also appeals to neurological and evolutionary explanations for why we sometimes act the way we do but are capable of other kinds of behavior. Some of these explanations are reasonable and some are out on a limb. Mostly they are harmless.
Overall, this is an nicely focused book on conflict resolution, with a few glitches that may only rattle yours truly. I'll get over it.
July 9, 2021
Great framework for looking at ourselves, other people and human relationships!
July 26, 2023
This book is life-changing. Seriously. Every single human being should read this.
August 28, 2019
Hard to write a review on a book that is deeply about how we interact with our fellow humans. A lot to think about in multiple contexts. I’d use this book as a reference, going back from time to time and it’s impossible for me to absorb and apply everything she talks about.
March 12, 2026
Great secular review of the Christian view of "I am a child of God"
July 11, 2019
Even though the author's main idea is good, I couldn't help to feel it became less interesting the more I read. There was a point in the book that I force myself to continue reading it, so instead, I stopped.
Maybe I will give it another chance later.
Maybe I will give it another chance later.
July 24, 2019
(The English review is placed beneath Russian one)
Ну очень странная книга, то ли на тему психологии то ли на тему общества. Да и книгой это трудно назвать. Скорее это похоже на очень большую статью или эссе на тему: как важно уважать человеческое достоинство всех людей.
От данной работы не стоит ждать никаких исследований на эту тему, никаких ссылок на психологов (и их эксперименты), в особенности социальных психологов, ни социологов, ни кого-либо ещё. Также тут нет собственных исследований автора. В данной книге можно найти постоянные повторение слова «достоинство» и как это важно. Ни почему это важно, ни как его усиливать в обществе, как я уже сказал, в книге нет. Правда, только где-то в половине, т.к. меня хватило ровно на половину книги. Но так как в первой части книги ничего интересного я не нашёл, то думаю вряд ли автор самые важные и интересные моменты поместила в самый конец книги. Обычно всё делается строго наоборот.
Итак, по сути, книга будет состоять из собственных пространных размышлений автора о том, как важно уважать человеческое достоинство других людей, не зависимо от возраста, пола или расы, а также многочисленные истории самого автора, т.е. те истории, что с ней лично приключились, когда кто-то задел её достоинство, к примеру, не дав слова на конференции и до описания историй, которые произошли с совершенно другими людьми. Но суть, одна: люди, общество только выигрывает, когда мы с уважением относимся друг к другу, уважаем достоинства друг друга.
В целом, книгу конечно можно прочитать было и до конца, т.к. подобная литература чем-то напоминает журнальные статьи, которые крайне лёгкие, не напрягающие излишними терминами и в целом ни к чему не обязывающие. Так сказать, жвачка для мозга. Однако только в том случаи, когда ничего другого, более ценного нет под рукой. У меня же было.
Well, it's a very strange book, or on psychology or society. Yes, it is difficult to call it a book as well. Rather, it is like a very large article or essay on how important it is to respect the human dignity of all people.
You should not expect from this work any research on this topic, no references to psychologists (and their experiments), especially social psychologists, nor sociologists, nor anyone else. There is also no author's own research here. In this book one can find constant repetition of the word "dignity" and how important it is. Why is it important or how to strengthen it in society, as I have already said, is not in the book. However, it applies only to the first half of the book, because I was enough for exactly half of the book. But since I didn't find anything interesting in the first part of the book, I don't think the author has placed the most important and interesting moments at the very end of the book. Usually everything is done exactly the opposite.
So, in fact, the book will consist of the author's own voluminous reflections on how important it is to respect the human dignity of others, regardless of age, gender or race, as well as the author's own numerous stories. These are stories that have happened to her personally. For example, when someone hurt her dignity by not giving a word at a conference. And also descriptions of stories that happened to completely different people. But the essence is the same: people, society only benefits when we treat each other with respect, respect each other's dignity.
In general, of course, the book could be read to the end, because such literature is something like magazine articles, which are extremely easy, do not strain unnecessary terms and in general do not oblige to anything. So to speak, gum for a brain.
Ну очень странная книга, то ли на тему психологии то ли на тему общества. Да и книгой это трудно назвать. Скорее это похоже на очень большую статью или эссе на тему: как важно уважать человеческое достоинство всех людей.
От данной работы не стоит ждать никаких исследований на эту тему, никаких ссылок на психологов (и их эксперименты), в особенности социальных психологов, ни социологов, ни кого-либо ещё. Также тут нет собственных исследований автора. В данной книге можно найти постоянные повторение слова «достоинство» и как это важно. Ни почему это важно, ни как его усиливать в обществе, как я уже сказал, в книге нет. Правда, только где-то в половине, т.к. меня хватило ровно на половину книги. Но так как в первой части книги ничего интересного я не нашёл, то думаю вряд ли автор самые важные и интересные моменты поместила в самый конец книги. Обычно всё делается строго наоборот.
Итак, по сути, книга будет состоять из собственных пространных размышлений автора о том, как важно уважать человеческое достоинство других людей, не зависимо от возраста, пола или расы, а также многочисленные истории самого автора, т.е. те истории, что с ней лично приключились, когда кто-то задел её достоинство, к примеру, не дав слова на конференции и до описания историй, которые произошли с совершенно другими людьми. Но суть, одна: люди, общество только выигрывает, когда мы с уважением относимся друг к другу, уважаем достоинства друг друга.
В целом, книгу конечно можно прочитать было и до конца, т.к. подобная литература чем-то напоминает журнальные статьи, которые крайне лёгкие, не напрягающие излишними терминами и в целом ни к чему не обязывающие. Так сказать, жвачка для мозга. Однако только в том случаи, когда ничего другого, более ценного нет под рукой. У меня же было.
Well, it's a very strange book, or on psychology or society. Yes, it is difficult to call it a book as well. Rather, it is like a very large article or essay on how important it is to respect the human dignity of all people.
You should not expect from this work any research on this topic, no references to psychologists (and their experiments), especially social psychologists, nor sociologists, nor anyone else. There is also no author's own research here. In this book one can find constant repetition of the word "dignity" and how important it is. Why is it important or how to strengthen it in society, as I have already said, is not in the book. However, it applies only to the first half of the book, because I was enough for exactly half of the book. But since I didn't find anything interesting in the first part of the book, I don't think the author has placed the most important and interesting moments at the very end of the book. Usually everything is done exactly the opposite.
So, in fact, the book will consist of the author's own voluminous reflections on how important it is to respect the human dignity of others, regardless of age, gender or race, as well as the author's own numerous stories. These are stories that have happened to her personally. For example, when someone hurt her dignity by not giving a word at a conference. And also descriptions of stories that happened to completely different people. But the essence is the same: people, society only benefits when we treat each other with respect, respect each other's dignity.
In general, of course, the book could be read to the end, because such literature is something like magazine articles, which are extremely easy, do not strain unnecessary terms and in general do not oblige to anything. So to speak, gum for a brain.
June 4, 2022
A lot of really good information. 3.5
May 24, 2017
Never have I heard such a thorough dissection and practical implementation of this topic.
I've read lots of books on practical application of social skills, but never one that does as in depth/deep as this one.
Dr. Hicks goes through many real-life scenarios of people hurting others' dignity and then also people mending relationships and giving true, healing attention to others' pain and selves (respecting their dignity).
I wish I'd read/listened to this years ago. Glad I did now. I've gained a greater compassion to truly see and recognize others. 💜
I've read lots of books on practical application of social skills, but never one that does as in depth/deep as this one.
Dr. Hicks goes through many real-life scenarios of people hurting others' dignity and then also people mending relationships and giving true, healing attention to others' pain and selves (respecting their dignity).
I wish I'd read/listened to this years ago. Glad I did now. I've gained a greater compassion to truly see and recognize others. 💜
July 24, 2021
This book is about dignity and the human tendencies to violate it. The examples that are given over the course of the text are the strong suit of the book. What was missing for me was a rephrasing of the concept of dignity, to better understand what it entails (instead of repeating the word dignity over and over again). Nevertheless, the book made me think more about the topic and I will be trying to make some better choices and try to avoid common pitfalls more often. I am grateful for the new insights/second look at the insights I already had.
May 27, 2017
A must read for relationship lovers.
Must read by everybody. I learnt what dignity means and how to honor it. I am applying in my family relationships and i found it works well. In this world of impatience, treating and seeing the other as a fellow and just and simple human being with his own spirit, is critical and essential. This is what i have learnt. Actually this book will provide a healing touch to the family relationships in the minimum and extended to higher levels.
Must read by everybody. I learnt what dignity means and how to honor it. I am applying in my family relationships and i found it works well. In this world of impatience, treating and seeing the other as a fellow and just and simple human being with his own spirit, is critical and essential. This is what i have learnt. Actually this book will provide a healing touch to the family relationships in the minimum and extended to higher levels.
September 25, 2017
One of the best books I have ever read.
I will recommended this book to friends and family. What I have learned through reading this wonderful book will be invaluable in my work as a therapist as well as in my daily interactions with others. I’m already looking forward to reading it a second time. It has changed the lens through which I view the world.
I will recommended this book to friends and family. What I have learned through reading this wonderful book will be invaluable in my work as a therapist as well as in my daily interactions with others. I’m already looking forward to reading it a second time. It has changed the lens through which I view the world.
June 3, 2017
Thought provoking
This book helped me identify ways that I inadvertently denied dignity to my loved ones and myself. The first part of the book was a little slow getting through but once I got to the heart of the book it really grabbed me.
This book helped me identify ways that I inadvertently denied dignity to my loved ones and myself. The first part of the book was a little slow getting through but once I got to the heart of the book it really grabbed me.
August 11, 2026
A valuable and insightful book.
Valuable, insightful, and practical--Hicks developed what she calls the dignity model after more than twenty years working at international conflict mediation, at bringing leaders of warring nations and parties together to help them find common ground. She found what is most necessary and effective, most pragmatic, is getting them to see each other's dignity.
Valuable, insightful, and practical--Hicks developed what she calls the dignity model after more than twenty years working at international conflict mediation, at bringing leaders of warring nations and parties together to help them find common ground. She found what is most necessary and effective, most pragmatic, is getting them to see each other's dignity.
Dignity is an internal state of peace that comes with the recognition and acceptance of the value and vulnerability of all living things.So relationships only work when treating others with dignity becomes the baseline for our interactions. We must treat others as if they matter, as if they are worthy of care and attention. The key lies in being able to see the essential humanity of the other. Dignity violations are at the heart of every international conflict:
Our desire for dignity runs deep. I believe that it and our survival instincts are the most powerful human forces motivating our behavior. In some cases, our desire for dignity is even stronger than our desire for survival. People risk their lives to protect their honor and that of people in their social groups; wars are fought over dignity threats. This paradoxical reaction--putting one's life on the line to protect one's dignity--puts dignity ahead of survival.More importantly, dignity is the key to all relationships, not simply international ones. Hicks wrote this guide to share what she learned with everyone. It is easy to read and always interesting, with examples for each concept drawn from all walks of life. The ideas she shares sometimes seem so obvious and common sense as to not need explaining, except, as she articulates, each one is difficult to successfully achieve on a consistent basis because they can run counter to our evolved, ingrained instincts; we have to learn how to fight our natures.
What we need for survival (a connection to the group) can also feel like the greatest source of threat to our survival (when the connection becomes hurtful). These two realities can live comfortably side by side when we are getting along with one another. The problem arises when we threaten each other's dignity--when a relationship becomes the source of pain instead of pleasure.Developing the skills that Hicks presents in this book leads to healthier relationships and a happier self.
This dramatic tension between the primal desire to be connected to others and the hardwired instinct to protect ourselves from others' possibly hurtful attacks explains why relationships are so hard. . . .
Our sensitivity and vulnerability to being injured by others and our ability to injure them--both part of our evolutionary legacy--set us up for struggles in our relationships. Relationships break down when the need for individual self-protection overrides the need for connection. We walk away from a relationship--political or personal--if it begins to feel threatening or does not serve our individual desire to be treated well. Our self-preservation instincts predispose us to favor disconnection over connection: "better safe than sorry." Is it any wonder that intimacy feels threatening? Being vulnerable sets us up for being injured or re-injured.
The act of honoring dignity is powerful in and of itself: it makes us feel good and look good, and it brings out the best in each of us. When we extend dignity to others, we open ourselves to the possibility of becoming more caring, more loving, more compassionate--in a word, more human. I think I finally understand what Archbishop Tutu means by ubuntu. "A person is a person though another person," he believes. "My humanity is caught up, bound up, inextricably, with yours. We can only be human together."This book is full of valuable information for every reader.
January 10, 2023
Valuable thesis separating the commonly combined notions of respect and dignity. Hicks really helps one grasps and develop meaning for self worth. I love the explanation of one’s two personas, ones “I” and and one’s “me”. The I is our inherent birthright to self worth. Often times we tend to focus on our me, or rather what has been done to “me” and in a doing so, harm our own dignity. Our me is an overweighted and obsessive focus of ourselves in a social setting. It’s how imposter syndrome develops and it’s how one tends to devolve into forms of mental distress. It manifests in harm towards self, narcissistic tendencies, and harm towards others. Hicks provides usual tools to combat this excessive focus on “me” through 10 behaviors. Understandably, simply listening, not retaliating, forgiving and apologizing help one strengthen their “I” and focus less on their “me.” Only critique is she almost comes across as naively passive when trying to bridge this concept to a tribal/organizational level.
July 15, 2020
A number of colleagues have highlighted this book, who share my interest in the work of Marshall Rosenberg around nonviolent communication or NVC. I decided to read it.
The author has a background in mediating international conflict and puts forward the idea that we inherently have dignity and that maintaining our own and recognising each other's dignity is an important part of resolving conflict.
I appreciated her systematic approach, identifying elements of dignity, how we violate our own and others' dignity and how we can heal relationships with dignity. This third piece was by far the shortest - I thought of Marshall Rosenberg's work, which can add a great deal to complete this picture.
I've noticed how much the essential point chimes with my values. I want to recognise the dignity and humanity of all people, including those whose views I find difficult. For me, the book tended to reinforce my learning rather than add to it.
The author has a background in mediating international conflict and puts forward the idea that we inherently have dignity and that maintaining our own and recognising each other's dignity is an important part of resolving conflict.
I appreciated her systematic approach, identifying elements of dignity, how we violate our own and others' dignity and how we can heal relationships with dignity. This third piece was by far the shortest - I thought of Marshall Rosenberg's work, which can add a great deal to complete this picture.
I've noticed how much the essential point chimes with my values. I want to recognise the dignity and humanity of all people, including those whose views I find difficult. For me, the book tended to reinforce my learning rather than add to it.
February 21, 2024
I highly recommend Hick’s book for any leadership bookshelf. Hicks dedicated a significant portion of her career to understanding dignity-what it is, why we should care, it’s role in relationships-and her depth of knowledge shows.
In her book, she lays out a convincing argument for why dignity matters and how dignity is different from respect (dignity = a birthright of value and worth…respect = earned through behaviors and actions). She then distills what she’s learned over decades of research and application into 10 simple essentials for protecting dignity and 10 pitfalls or temptations that violate dignity.
Pairing this book with Berne Brown’s Dare to Lead, who argues leaders must create environments in which people feel “safe, seen, heard, and respected,” I find replacing respected with “valued” or “worthy” a better word choice. Similar insights, such as narcissism’s effect on dignity, are plentiful and make this book well worth reading!
In her book, she lays out a convincing argument for why dignity matters and how dignity is different from respect (dignity = a birthright of value and worth…respect = earned through behaviors and actions). She then distills what she’s learned over decades of research and application into 10 simple essentials for protecting dignity and 10 pitfalls or temptations that violate dignity.
Pairing this book with Berne Brown’s Dare to Lead, who argues leaders must create environments in which people feel “safe, seen, heard, and respected,” I find replacing respected with “valued” or “worthy” a better word choice. Similar insights, such as narcissism’s effect on dignity, are plentiful and make this book well worth reading!
June 17, 2024
2,5 stars; disappointed how this worked out, expected a more thorough walkthrough of the phenomenon of human dignity including the concept of ‘thymos’ or the desire to be seen and acknowledged by others, as part of Plato’s tripartite theory of the soul, but the author keeps relating her own experiences in mediating in high stakes conflict situations all the while declaring well intentioned but rather trite pieces of advice. Be sure to check out instead Francis Fukuyama author of The End of History and the Last Man’s excellent Identity: The Demand for Dignity and the Politics of Resentment.
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