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Not Quite Nirvana: A Skeptic's Journey to Mindfulness
A funny and incisive memoir of how a skeptical, fast-talking New Yorker became the personal editor for Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh and slowly and reluctantly started to absorb mindfulness practice. Scenes with Zen teachers and the author's two vividly exuberant older parents, illustrate how the author adapts mindfulness techniques for the busyness of her life, without losing her edge. With honest and vivid stories about dealing with difficult relationships with family members, death, illness, vanity, exhaustion, and creating a safety net of joy, the author explores and offers guidance for how to find inspiration and nourishment amid the juggle and rush of daily life.
This book is designed for adults who are new to mindfulness practice, curious skeptics and critics, new and experienced parents, and and anyone interested in finding greater joy, nourishment, and a larger community in their lives.
This book is designed for adults who are new to mindfulness practice, curious skeptics and critics, new and experienced parents, and and anyone interested in finding greater joy, nourishment, and a larger community in their lives.
208 pages, Paperback
First published November 13, 2012
28 people are currently reading
660 people want to read
About the author
Rachel Neumann
10 books13 followersRachel is a Bay Area-based writer whose work focuses on mindfulness, joy, and justice. She is the author of Not Quite Nirvana, which was selected for Best Buddhist Writing 2012. Her work has appeared in various anthologies as well as in national magazines including the New York Times, Shambhala Sun, The Village Voice and AlterNet.
Rachel is the Creative Director of Parallax Press.
Rachel is the Creative Director of Parallax Press.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 47 reviews
July 25, 2015
I stumbled across this book in my university's ebook collection while looking for slightly more academic titles, but learning she was Thích Nhất Hạnh's primary editor, I thought it might have more meat to it.
This is a memoir of a woman in her 40s trying to bring mindfulness practices into her chaotic life. There were moments of real clarity and insight that I think make the read worth it, but fair warning you have to slog through quite a bit of motherhood stories and childhood memories on the commune. (I have a fondness for communes, so that didn't bother me.)
One of my favorite concepts was this idea of availability. Whatever enlightened daycare her oldest daughter was sent to, they taught the children at a very early age to ask the parent, "Are you available?" and she talked about using that question in other relationships. This was a useful practice to help cut back on that frustration when others are asking you for time/energy/attention that you can't spare within the moment but might have later, kind of giving you permission to say no without hurt feelings. Loved it, helped me have a productive conversation with my spouse and everything.
I would also say that this book comes from a very Buddhist perspective but that anyone can practice mindfulness. Your practice may not come from the eightfold path but this book's down to earth approach may still be useful, if you are someone who learns from someone else's experience. This is memoir, not an instruction manual.
This is a memoir of a woman in her 40s trying to bring mindfulness practices into her chaotic life. There were moments of real clarity and insight that I think make the read worth it, but fair warning you have to slog through quite a bit of motherhood stories and childhood memories on the commune. (I have a fondness for communes, so that didn't bother me.)
One of my favorite concepts was this idea of availability. Whatever enlightened daycare her oldest daughter was sent to, they taught the children at a very early age to ask the parent, "Are you available?" and she talked about using that question in other relationships. This was a useful practice to help cut back on that frustration when others are asking you for time/energy/attention that you can't spare within the moment but might have later, kind of giving you permission to say no without hurt feelings. Loved it, helped me have a productive conversation with my spouse and everything.
"When I'm not being mindful, almost all of life can seem like a series of interruptions of what I thought was important."The other little tidbit that I found useful was to ask yourself "What do I need" and then "What does this other person need?" I think she got this from Thích Nhất Hạnh, who she calls "Thay." I also liked the explanation of metta, aka loving kindness meditation, being inexperienced in that practice but liking what I'd experienced quite a bit. And as someone working to build an interest group on contemplative pedagogy within my profession, I marked the bit about sangha, "A community that practices mindfulness together."
I would also say that this book comes from a very Buddhist perspective but that anyone can practice mindfulness. Your practice may not come from the eightfold path but this book's down to earth approach may still be useful, if you are someone who learns from someone else's experience. This is memoir, not an instruction manual.
March 8, 2013
This is the first book I've read that makes mindfulness seem like a practical, real-world activity that you urgently need to practice; not just something you do while sitting on a cushion and paying attention to your breath. Rachel Neumann is the book editor for Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh. She is not a (former) monastic, but a 40-year-old wife and mother of two children. This grounds her book in a day-to-day relevance that I haven't quite found in other books. Indeed, her practical definition of mindfulness (being available, engaged, and connected) was more concrete to me than others I have seen.
And this is a book about mindfulness, not Buddhism. After reading the book, I have no idea of whether or not the author is now a Buddhist (I suspect not). This isn't a didactic book with a title like "What the Buddha Taught". There is a mention of Buddhist "doctrine" (specifically, the 4 Noble Truths), but this is very indirect and only as they relate to some specific life episodes. There is a current of social justice activism throughout the book; it's not an equation of Buddhism with political liberalism, but more a consideration of what mindfulness requires of us.
The book ends with some suggested practices you could engage in to cultivate more mindfulness in your life. I would have liked to have also seen a descriptive list of other book titles that the reader could go to in order to find out more (yes, I'm revealing my inner librarian here). Presumably these would be other titles from the publisher or by Thich Nhat Hanh, but it would be helpful for going further.
As a sidenote, this book has made me more curious about Thich Nhat Hanh. He doesn't have much of a presence in this book; although the author is his book editor, the book isn't focused on him and a number of his "appearances" in the book involve him sleeping in a hammock. :-) That said, he does seem to practice an "engaged Buddhism" that seems interesting to me. His Buddhism is of the Mahayana tradition, but it doesn't seem quite the same as Japanese Zen Buddhism, which is my default image of Mahayana.
Finally, here is my favorite descriptive passage from the book:
"The Southern California coast is flatter than it is up north. Miles and miles of nothing but white sand and dune buggies and surfers. Way out in the ocean, I saw what looked like a seal on a boogie board. There were a few of them, their brown skin wrapped in what looked like folds around their bodies as they held tight to the boards. I looked closer. It was the monks, still in their robes, soaking wet and far out in the ocean."
And this is a book about mindfulness, not Buddhism. After reading the book, I have no idea of whether or not the author is now a Buddhist (I suspect not). This isn't a didactic book with a title like "What the Buddha Taught". There is a mention of Buddhist "doctrine" (specifically, the 4 Noble Truths), but this is very indirect and only as they relate to some specific life episodes. There is a current of social justice activism throughout the book; it's not an equation of Buddhism with political liberalism, but more a consideration of what mindfulness requires of us.
The book ends with some suggested practices you could engage in to cultivate more mindfulness in your life. I would have liked to have also seen a descriptive list of other book titles that the reader could go to in order to find out more (yes, I'm revealing my inner librarian here). Presumably these would be other titles from the publisher or by Thich Nhat Hanh, but it would be helpful for going further.
As a sidenote, this book has made me more curious about Thich Nhat Hanh. He doesn't have much of a presence in this book; although the author is his book editor, the book isn't focused on him and a number of his "appearances" in the book involve him sleeping in a hammock. :-) That said, he does seem to practice an "engaged Buddhism" that seems interesting to me. His Buddhism is of the Mahayana tradition, but it doesn't seem quite the same as Japanese Zen Buddhism, which is my default image of Mahayana.
Finally, here is my favorite descriptive passage from the book:
"The Southern California coast is flatter than it is up north. Miles and miles of nothing but white sand and dune buggies and surfers. Way out in the ocean, I saw what looked like a seal on a boogie board. There were a few of them, their brown skin wrapped in what looked like folds around their bodies as they held tight to the boards. I looked closer. It was the monks, still in their robes, soaking wet and far out in the ocean."
July 5, 2013
As Rachel establishes her religious background in the beginning of her book, I’m going to insert my own disclaimer here. I tend to avoid religious monikers and would no more consider myself a Buddhist than I would a Pagan or a Christian. Though I think most religions have useful things to say, my own experience has made me wary of predominance of any dogma. To me, dogma is when religion ceases to be useful and becomes an instrument of a particular (and usually dangerous) agenda.
This is a part of the reason why I was drawn to this book in the first place. I know from experience that mindfulness is a useful practice. The understanding that comes from awareness of our interconnection to others is the very understanding that can prevent some of the pitfalls of a more “me-centered” world and can help one to slow down and really SEE more. I have my own experience with the usefulness of this practice and was eager to read of the ways someone else could find it useful outside of the confines of a particular religious orientation.
This book probably qualifies best as a memoir with some really great experiential and applicable advice for readers. But don’t make the mistake of thinking that just because the information Neumann offers is tucked inside the folds of her life experience it is less valuable or nonexistent. Adding the color of her own experience lends more meaning to the information and suggestions she provides, and showing how various mindfulness practices have worked for her inside the context of her experience (partially BECAUSE she openly admits to applying them imperfectly) was really useful for me. Rather than being a guru on high talking about the standards of a particular perspective, Rachel came off as a real person who has found success with her own experience with mindfulness practices.
In fact, that’s a big part of what made this book great for me; the experience of the author herself. Rachel is, at least from her own narrative, someone I would love to know. She’s realistic, open, loving, and interesting. She applies reflection and attempts to work toward a better world. I really appreciated seeing HOW she applied some practices and where they fit into her daily life. For example, I found the way she included reflection pre-dinner—a common point in my experience growing up as a Lutheran kid for “saying grace”—to be particularly moving, and a practice that we’ve already enfolded into our daily routine.
I was also grateful for the "Practices" section at the back of the book, where she distills her ideas from her experiences and sets out actual opportunities for the reader to practice the ideas she's presented over the course of her work. Some of my favorites are going to be copied onto neon-colored index cards and tacked all over the house so they can’t be missed and can be incorporated into my own experience.
I may not agree one hundred percent with Neumann’s perspective, and not all the information or assistance she offered in the book was new information for me, but I definitely managed to come out of the experience with this book feeling that I’d gleaned something new…and that I’d found someone with whom I could identify and understand. I recommend this book to those wanting to have a chat with a friend about the ways in which mindfulness can potentially expand the quality of life for everyone, regardless of their religious affiliation. By the end of the book, you’ll feel like you’ve made the acquaintance of an honest friend whose experience can help you grow as well. And those are the best kinds of friends.
This is a part of the reason why I was drawn to this book in the first place. I know from experience that mindfulness is a useful practice. The understanding that comes from awareness of our interconnection to others is the very understanding that can prevent some of the pitfalls of a more “me-centered” world and can help one to slow down and really SEE more. I have my own experience with the usefulness of this practice and was eager to read of the ways someone else could find it useful outside of the confines of a particular religious orientation.
This book probably qualifies best as a memoir with some really great experiential and applicable advice for readers. But don’t make the mistake of thinking that just because the information Neumann offers is tucked inside the folds of her life experience it is less valuable or nonexistent. Adding the color of her own experience lends more meaning to the information and suggestions she provides, and showing how various mindfulness practices have worked for her inside the context of her experience (partially BECAUSE she openly admits to applying them imperfectly) was really useful for me. Rather than being a guru on high talking about the standards of a particular perspective, Rachel came off as a real person who has found success with her own experience with mindfulness practices.
In fact, that’s a big part of what made this book great for me; the experience of the author herself. Rachel is, at least from her own narrative, someone I would love to know. She’s realistic, open, loving, and interesting. She applies reflection and attempts to work toward a better world. I really appreciated seeing HOW she applied some practices and where they fit into her daily life. For example, I found the way she included reflection pre-dinner—a common point in my experience growing up as a Lutheran kid for “saying grace”—to be particularly moving, and a practice that we’ve already enfolded into our daily routine.
I was also grateful for the "Practices" section at the back of the book, where she distills her ideas from her experiences and sets out actual opportunities for the reader to practice the ideas she's presented over the course of her work. Some of my favorites are going to be copied onto neon-colored index cards and tacked all over the house so they can’t be missed and can be incorporated into my own experience.
I may not agree one hundred percent with Neumann’s perspective, and not all the information or assistance she offered in the book was new information for me, but I definitely managed to come out of the experience with this book feeling that I’d gleaned something new…and that I’d found someone with whom I could identify and understand. I recommend this book to those wanting to have a chat with a friend about the ways in which mindfulness can potentially expand the quality of life for everyone, regardless of their religious affiliation. By the end of the book, you’ll feel like you’ve made the acquaintance of an honest friend whose experience can help you grow as well. And those are the best kinds of friends.
June 22, 2013
This book is perfect for the reader interested in mindfulness without wanting to jump into a scholarly practice. Neumann is a relatable narrator, especially if you are a parent as she shares her children's antics to illustrate several points, and noble truths. Just enough to satisfy or to indicate your ready for more mindfulness.
January 9, 2013
I first checked this book out as something I might buy for the Buddhism section at the store. I don't think I'll end up doing that, but I enjoyed reading it for myself. It's more of a memoir than a Buddhism book.
Neumann is Thich Nhat Hanh's U.S. editor. Apparently how this works is, he gives speeches throughout the world and she culls them for material on whatever topic he wants to address in his next book. Then she sends it to him to read over, and it gets published.
Huh. Guess that works.
Anyway, most of Not Quite Nirvana isn't about that. Thich Nhat Hanh only makes a few appearances. Some of the book is about trying to keep Buddhist practices in American life, but that seems like almost more of a touchstone than a theme. It reads like a series of personal essays by someone who leads a fairly interesting life. There's a lot here about parenting, community and the ways people interact with each other. And death. Bunches of stuff about death.
I liked it okay, but didn't come away knowing any more about Buddhism, really. I'm not even sure whether Neumann considers herself a Buddhist. But that's all pretty natural. It's become the American Way of Buddhism to incorporate traditional practices and philosophies without making much of a commitment. I'm not sure that's even bad; as a Buddhist might say, it just is.
Neumann is Thich Nhat Hanh's U.S. editor. Apparently how this works is, he gives speeches throughout the world and she culls them for material on whatever topic he wants to address in his next book. Then she sends it to him to read over, and it gets published.
Huh. Guess that works.
Anyway, most of Not Quite Nirvana isn't about that. Thich Nhat Hanh only makes a few appearances. Some of the book is about trying to keep Buddhist practices in American life, but that seems like almost more of a touchstone than a theme. It reads like a series of personal essays by someone who leads a fairly interesting life. There's a lot here about parenting, community and the ways people interact with each other. And death. Bunches of stuff about death.
I liked it okay, but didn't come away knowing any more about Buddhism, really. I'm not even sure whether Neumann considers herself a Buddhist. But that's all pretty natural. It's become the American Way of Buddhism to incorporate traditional practices and philosophies without making much of a commitment. I'm not sure that's even bad; as a Buddhist might say, it just is.
December 7, 2012
So many times, books about the spiritual life don't take into account real life. It's great to write about being on retreat, it's great to listen to profound teachings, and there are more than enough books on the basics of meditation practice. What is hard to find are books that talk about real life after the retreat, after the class, after the cushion - times when obligations and family and plain old life arise and ask for attention. Rachel Neumann has written a wonderful book, a much needed book, about just those things. Highly recommended!
December 1, 2012
I wound up being pretty unimpressed with this book and just started skimming about halfway through. The chapters I found oddly written and I was expecting more discussion of how skepticism plays into the act of being mindful, etc. Ultimately this book just seemed to be a lot of complaining about how busy the author was and how inconvenient her yuppie, San Fransisco life is. I really feel like I missed something especially since this book was fully supported by her teacher Thich Nhat Hanh but bottom line, it rubbed me the wrong way and I got nothing out of it.
September 10, 2012
This is a book that's been needed for years. This book on mindfulness is written from a woman's point of view. She is a working mother and addresses the many challenges we have in working, but also wishing to be mindful. Excellent read. I will read it again.
December 1, 2012
This is a fantastic book, loaded with REALISTIC ways to live mindfully in a hectic, restless world. I especially like the ideas for ways to raise thoughtful children and to cultivate curiosity and respect without losing your mind. Wish this book had been around when my kids were little, but I will be using some of the suggestions in my everyday life now. Anyone who likes the idea of living mindfully, with purpose, but has a hard time incorporating other books into their busy lives, would benefit greatly from this read!
February 15, 2013
I loved this book. Rachel Neumann highlights vignettes on the challenges of balancing family, friends, community and work while incorporating tools for mindfulness into daily life. I've already begun to use some of the practices and seen an immediate impact in my own life. SO good-
March 19, 2013
I thought this book was pretty good. Not a manual for mindfulness, but just one author's account of her daily challenge to bring mindfulness into her daily life. Very honest. It was not "moving" or "motivating" in the way I thought it would be, but overall worth a read.
June 11, 2013
I thought this was a neat book. Easy read, fairly amusing, with a bit of a dose on Buddhist philosophy and her struggle to deal with daily life. Probably not something I would read again. I was hoping for a bit more on Thich Naht Hahn.
May 30, 2015
Not what I expected but a mostly interesting memoir exploring the practice of mindfulness and Buddhism.
March 26, 2013
A very enjoyable read with lots of ways to make a life and the world better.
March 13, 2013
Honest, helpful, practical advice on how to incorporate mindfulness practice into real life.
June 8, 2013
This was a great book. I am in love with Thich Nhat Hanh so I thought he would be featured more. I really enjoyed her kids' voices. Good read and good to have.
June 26, 2017
Neumann gives a voice here on a topic that has formerly been discussed mainly by religious figures, and not always in a way that's accessible. Of course, now the word "mindfulness" is on the covers of every lifestyle magazine so the mainstream coverage has both clarified and obfuscated the issue for many lay readers like myself. (I was amused to see a special issue of Time devoted to "MINDFULNESS: The New Science of Health and Happiness." New? Are you sure??!! )
In between these two groups is where Neumann, an editor, lawyer, mother, and activist of Jewish descent, comes in. Having worked with Thich Nhat Hanh as his book editor for many years, as well as with other Buddhist teachers and writers, she has absorbed their ideas, attitudes, practices. But she does not do so without questioning these teachings based on her own experience, trying them and discussing whether and how she finds them useful in a typical busy American life. Her reflections on mindfulness are simple, honest, beautiful; she successfully avoids preachiness. Even as a 20-something I have my own fears of inevitable illness, aging and death, and found her observations on these topics comforting. Throughout the book I also greatly appreciated her skepticism of all that mindfulness practice, with its religious origins, can offer - see also Shozan Jack Haubner, Zen Confidential. But this read is not such a wild ride as Haubner's, nor does it have to be. I felt I was being spoken to by a friend, who had nothing to prove or impress me with. Her determination to create positive change, in not just herself but her daughters, her broad community and the world, gives an example of mindfulness that does not sit around meditating while there's work to be done. Meditative consciousness and real action, she argues, are inseparable, and need not be performed at separate times. Who has the time, these days?
So for stars, I happily give this four and will also be photocopying the simple mindfulness exercises that Neumann includes as an epilogue. Full disclosure: I am an editor (one in awe of the editorial work Neumann's done) and I took off half a star for sloppy copy editing, both in grammatical and punctuation errors and what I felt was more repetition than necessary of phrases like "my partner Jason" - by the time I'm halfway through the book, I knew who Jason is. This kind of thing bugs me since it doesn't give the reader credit for paying attention to or remembering basic facts. Although I did read this over about three days so perhaps if I'd taken longer to read it, I would have wanted reminders. Anyway, /end nitpicking/; this book is wonderful and I'm recommending it to a lot of people who may benefit from a dose of skeptical mindfulness.
In between these two groups is where Neumann, an editor, lawyer, mother, and activist of Jewish descent, comes in. Having worked with Thich Nhat Hanh as his book editor for many years, as well as with other Buddhist teachers and writers, she has absorbed their ideas, attitudes, practices. But she does not do so without questioning these teachings based on her own experience, trying them and discussing whether and how she finds them useful in a typical busy American life. Her reflections on mindfulness are simple, honest, beautiful; she successfully avoids preachiness. Even as a 20-something I have my own fears of inevitable illness, aging and death, and found her observations on these topics comforting. Throughout the book I also greatly appreciated her skepticism of all that mindfulness practice, with its religious origins, can offer - see also Shozan Jack Haubner, Zen Confidential. But this read is not such a wild ride as Haubner's, nor does it have to be. I felt I was being spoken to by a friend, who had nothing to prove or impress me with. Her determination to create positive change, in not just herself but her daughters, her broad community and the world, gives an example of mindfulness that does not sit around meditating while there's work to be done. Meditative consciousness and real action, she argues, are inseparable, and need not be performed at separate times. Who has the time, these days?
So for stars, I happily give this four and will also be photocopying the simple mindfulness exercises that Neumann includes as an epilogue. Full disclosure: I am an editor (one in awe of the editorial work Neumann's done) and I took off half a star for sloppy copy editing, both in grammatical and punctuation errors and what I felt was more repetition than necessary of phrases like "my partner Jason" - by the time I'm halfway through the book, I knew who Jason is. This kind of thing bugs me since it doesn't give the reader credit for paying attention to or remembering basic facts. Although I did read this over about three days so perhaps if I'd taken longer to read it, I would have wanted reminders. Anyway, /end nitpicking/; this book is wonderful and I'm recommending it to a lot of people who may benefit from a dose of skeptical mindfulness.
January 12, 2018
I grabbed this book from my library as I could relate to Rachel's journey to mindfulness. It excited me to see a married working mothers perspective on her mindfulness journey. Often times mindfulness (I feel) is given a more utopia meaning and is often misrepresented in what that means in our society vs. actually being a Buddhist Monk. I appreciate Rachel's ability to be raw and authentic in her journey, giving me several giggles throughout the book. Rachel kept my attention consistently. Book was finished over the course of a busy three days. My favorite quote from this book is "Mindfulness isn't about choosing to just be more aware of our happy moments. The more engaged we are. The more our awareness deepens our connection to life instead of pulling away from it."
February 6, 2018
This has been on my kindle for a while, and I am glad I finally read it. At a particularly stressful time in my life, this book offered humor and insights and pleasurable anecdotes from the woman who is the editor for Thich Haht Nahn. I can see myself rereading this in the future. A well-delivered reminder that we are interconnected and perfect in our imperfection.
January 16, 2019
Marked as read but I really just skimmed most of the book after the first part. The book wasn't bad, it just wasn't what I had expected from it. I had hoped for something a bit more "self-help" than (boring) memoir.
I do like the bit about her kid learning to ask her if she's available. That's a useful tool for people of all ages.
I do like the bit about her kid learning to ask her if she's available. That's a useful tool for people of all ages.
March 6, 2020
A treasured book
I have read several of Thich Nhat Hahn’s books and treasure his teachings, so it was lovely to read Rachel Neumman’s life stories and teachings and how her everyday yet unique experiences lend themselves to those of us who struggle to live up to ideals of mindfulness. I feel refreshed and inspired and supported on my journey to greater mindfulness.
I have read several of Thich Nhat Hahn’s books and treasure his teachings, so it was lovely to read Rachel Neumman’s life stories and teachings and how her everyday yet unique experiences lend themselves to those of us who struggle to live up to ideals of mindfulness. I feel refreshed and inspired and supported on my journey to greater mindfulness.
April 29, 2023
Heart felt memoir concerning spiritual growth and meditative practice. Wish I had gone to Plum Village with friends when I had the chance. It’s important to focus on people, places and practices that matter.
December 7, 2017
Excellent ideas in this. Really good to read about buddhist concepts in this way.
April 4, 2018
Very helpful and down-to-earth book about mindfulness for everyday people.
June 18, 2019
Really easy to understand her logic, I just wish I had more background on her and her life
April 13, 2024
She was unlikeable and didn’t write anything that was useful in the pursuit of mindfulness. She seemed to enjoy name dropping.
April 4, 2014
** Real-world nirvana **
It’s kind of funny how mindfulness seems to be all the rage these days. The problem is, all the books, hype, and dogma about mindfulness can be a bit mind-blowing.
Thankfully, Rachel Neumann’s _Not Quite Nirvana_ is not quite like the other books on mindfulness. A skeptic who questions rules and acquiescence, an editor and friend of Zen Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh et al, a writer who has the skill and grace to translate abstract Buddhist concepts into usable doses (sort of like Buddhism in epi-pen form), a mother of two children who constantly (and refreshingly) question life-as-it-is, a forty-something trying simultaneously stay present with her self/family/work/community/world, and a genuine human being grappling with the existential givens of suffering, aging, and death, Rachel is the perfect guide for the journey to mindfulness.
Her book is organized around the three key questions she asks herself in order to stay mindful and live in the present moment: (1) “Am I available?”; (2) “Am I engaged?”; (3) “Am I connected?”. Each of these three sections is divided into short chapters, which impressively integrate everyday encounters with essential Buddhist teachings. Whether she’s feeling overwhelmed trapped in the aisles of Target, trying to restrain herself after being yelled at by an impatient driver, having a lasagna cook off with her family, or candidly discussing death with her children, Rachel taps into the wisdom of Buddhist teachings in ways that are synergistic with “real-life.” Here are some samplings:
*On non-attachment*
“Mindfulness has taught me that [suffering and happiness] are both there when we fully engage with our lives. Thich Nhat Hanh reminds me, ‘To learn the art of creating happiness and to learn the art of handling our suffering are the same thing’...But it’s also true that life is filled with so much *unnecessary* suffering...the suffering that comes from our perceptions and views and fills us up with anxiety, worry, anger, and guilt. This is the suffering that gets in the way of awareness. When I look at it this way, my attachment to my experience isn’t the problem, it is my attachment to control, my desire to not just enjoy my views but insist on them, and the misperception that happiness depends on any one material or physical thing...When the pain and pleasure come, the less I’m clinging, the more agilely I can ride the rapid. My joy will pass, just as my suffering does, and I will remain in the river, breathing, as the moments come one right after the other.” (pp. 84-85)
*On being in the present moment*
“I somehow thought that in the ten years of working daily with Zen masters, Buddhist priests, mindfulness teachers, psychologists and other trained experts, I would have learned something about staying in the present moment. But after all this time, the present moment is still a hard place for me to hang out in for long, probably because just when I think I’ve gotten used to it, it changes...One of the reasons I’ve been so reluctant all these years to close my eyes is because I can’t bear to miss out on anything. I’m often rushing late to something and leaving early to get to the next thing...It’s true that I want to approach life eyes open and arms wide, but to do this right I also need to be able to close my eyes. Other people will still be there. Coming home to myself doesn’t mean that I am alone.” (pp. 190-192)
I’m so glad that I was in a mindful state while stumbling upon this book in the library. And, after checking it out and reading it, I’m now able to be more mindful while riding those rapids of life.
It’s kind of funny how mindfulness seems to be all the rage these days. The problem is, all the books, hype, and dogma about mindfulness can be a bit mind-blowing.
Thankfully, Rachel Neumann’s _Not Quite Nirvana_ is not quite like the other books on mindfulness. A skeptic who questions rules and acquiescence, an editor and friend of Zen Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh et al, a writer who has the skill and grace to translate abstract Buddhist concepts into usable doses (sort of like Buddhism in epi-pen form), a mother of two children who constantly (and refreshingly) question life-as-it-is, a forty-something trying simultaneously stay present with her self/family/work/community/world, and a genuine human being grappling with the existential givens of suffering, aging, and death, Rachel is the perfect guide for the journey to mindfulness.
Her book is organized around the three key questions she asks herself in order to stay mindful and live in the present moment: (1) “Am I available?”; (2) “Am I engaged?”; (3) “Am I connected?”. Each of these three sections is divided into short chapters, which impressively integrate everyday encounters with essential Buddhist teachings. Whether she’s feeling overwhelmed trapped in the aisles of Target, trying to restrain herself after being yelled at by an impatient driver, having a lasagna cook off with her family, or candidly discussing death with her children, Rachel taps into the wisdom of Buddhist teachings in ways that are synergistic with “real-life.” Here are some samplings:
*On non-attachment*
“Mindfulness has taught me that [suffering and happiness] are both there when we fully engage with our lives. Thich Nhat Hanh reminds me, ‘To learn the art of creating happiness and to learn the art of handling our suffering are the same thing’...But it’s also true that life is filled with so much *unnecessary* suffering...the suffering that comes from our perceptions and views and fills us up with anxiety, worry, anger, and guilt. This is the suffering that gets in the way of awareness. When I look at it this way, my attachment to my experience isn’t the problem, it is my attachment to control, my desire to not just enjoy my views but insist on them, and the misperception that happiness depends on any one material or physical thing...When the pain and pleasure come, the less I’m clinging, the more agilely I can ride the rapid. My joy will pass, just as my suffering does, and I will remain in the river, breathing, as the moments come one right after the other.” (pp. 84-85)
*On being in the present moment*
“I somehow thought that in the ten years of working daily with Zen masters, Buddhist priests, mindfulness teachers, psychologists and other trained experts, I would have learned something about staying in the present moment. But after all this time, the present moment is still a hard place for me to hang out in for long, probably because just when I think I’ve gotten used to it, it changes...One of the reasons I’ve been so reluctant all these years to close my eyes is because I can’t bear to miss out on anything. I’m often rushing late to something and leaving early to get to the next thing...It’s true that I want to approach life eyes open and arms wide, but to do this right I also need to be able to close my eyes. Other people will still be there. Coming home to myself doesn’t mean that I am alone.” (pp. 190-192)
I’m so glad that I was in a mindful state while stumbling upon this book in the library. And, after checking it out and reading it, I’m now able to be more mindful while riding those rapids of life.
May 27, 2014
I am reading this primarily in preparation for assisting with a meditation book discussion group; this isn't so much a review as a storing place for the questions we're considering. I will say that Neumann is reasonably engaging as a writer. I typically am not drawn to this kind of subject matter and the reading here is not painful.
Possible Discussion Questions for “Not Quite Nirvana”
1. Did you take away anything from this book or change something in your life because of something you read in Not Quite Nirvana?
2. Did you enjoy Neumann’s writing style?
3. Do you think you would enjoy meeting her or spending time with her?
4. Was there anything you were wishing she would address in the book that she didn’t?
5. What was the motivation for writing this book?
6. What part of this book inspired you in some way?
7. Will you read other books by this author? Why or why not?
8. Neumann calls herself a skeptic; how about yourself? What's your approach to mindfulness? How do you keep yourself open to possibility?
9. What do you think about this quote from Thich Nhat Hanh? “Do not get caught in the form of a teaching, but let the heart of your own understanding guide your path.”
10. What strategies do you use to transform what you read or learn into what Neumann calls “body knowledge?”
11. What did you think of the tool of asking “Are you available?”
12. What did you think of Neumann's stories of editing writing she didn't agree with, wanting to soften the tone? Do you think editors and translators insert themselves into the text? Should they?
13. Have any of you tried starting your day by setting out an intention for that day?
14. “My actions are my belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground on which I stand.” (p. 124) 5th of the five remembrances, part of a Buddhist sutra (the Upajhatthana Sutta). Thoughts?
15. What do you think of this statement by Neumann: “If we want to raise the chances of our kids having happier lives, we need to focus on making the world a happier place.” (p. 131)
16. “If justice is love in public, anytime I am in public, I have the opportunity to create justice.” (p.146)
17. We don't get to choose everyone we come in contact with, which is a good thing. But we do get to choose if and how we want to respond to them.” (p.149)
18. As Rachel's father asks: “What's the point of wishing people well if they irritate you?”
Possible Discussion Questions for “Not Quite Nirvana”
1. Did you take away anything from this book or change something in your life because of something you read in Not Quite Nirvana?
2. Did you enjoy Neumann’s writing style?
3. Do you think you would enjoy meeting her or spending time with her?
4. Was there anything you were wishing she would address in the book that she didn’t?
5. What was the motivation for writing this book?
6. What part of this book inspired you in some way?
7. Will you read other books by this author? Why or why not?
8. Neumann calls herself a skeptic; how about yourself? What's your approach to mindfulness? How do you keep yourself open to possibility?
9. What do you think about this quote from Thich Nhat Hanh? “Do not get caught in the form of a teaching, but let the heart of your own understanding guide your path.”
10. What strategies do you use to transform what you read or learn into what Neumann calls “body knowledge?”
11. What did you think of the tool of asking “Are you available?”
12. What did you think of Neumann's stories of editing writing she didn't agree with, wanting to soften the tone? Do you think editors and translators insert themselves into the text? Should they?
13. Have any of you tried starting your day by setting out an intention for that day?
14. “My actions are my belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground on which I stand.” (p. 124) 5th of the five remembrances, part of a Buddhist sutra (the Upajhatthana Sutta). Thoughts?
15. What do you think of this statement by Neumann: “If we want to raise the chances of our kids having happier lives, we need to focus on making the world a happier place.” (p. 131)
16. “If justice is love in public, anytime I am in public, I have the opportunity to create justice.” (p.146)
17. We don't get to choose everyone we come in contact with, which is a good thing. But we do get to choose if and how we want to respond to them.” (p.149)
18. As Rachel's father asks: “What's the point of wishing people well if they irritate you?”
February 1, 2016
First of all, let me start by saying that I like the book. I think a lot of women can probably relate to Neumann's skepticism and her action-packed days. Her example is one that will speak to a lot of people, even if they don't share her unconventional upbringing. However, the down side of this book is that it perhaps has too many examples and too few principles or philosophical ideas worth considering.
Those she does offer up: taking time for silence, setting the day's intention, seeing oneself as part of a whole, rather than focused obsessively on self are all ideas worth considering. However, most of the book is about her family (particularly her children) and her personal journey to becoming editor of a Buddhist-oriented publishing house. Her workplace demands that she begin the day by sitting in silence for 15 minutes with her coworkers. Not many people have that luxury.
I do think that her suggestions for mindfulness and the ways these ideas crop up in life (from the mouths of babes) are appropo of what I was looking for. But I felt left short. I wanted more ideas and fewer examples. Still, I am not sorry that I read the book and think the author is onto something. Perhaps she can refine it in her next book
Those she does offer up: taking time for silence, setting the day's intention, seeing oneself as part of a whole, rather than focused obsessively on self are all ideas worth considering. However, most of the book is about her family (particularly her children) and her personal journey to becoming editor of a Buddhist-oriented publishing house. Her workplace demands that she begin the day by sitting in silence for 15 minutes with her coworkers. Not many people have that luxury.
I do think that her suggestions for mindfulness and the ways these ideas crop up in life (from the mouths of babes) are appropo of what I was looking for. But I felt left short. I wanted more ideas and fewer examples. Still, I am not sorry that I read the book and think the author is onto something. Perhaps she can refine it in her next book
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