Why?: A Story for Kids Who Have Lost a Parent to Suicide

by Melissa Allen Heath, Frances Ives (Illustrator)

A picture book geared to help parents and counselors communicate with young children about a parent’s suicide.

Oliver’s daddy loved him—a whole bunch, forever and for always. One day Oliver’s daddy died by suicide. Why? Oliver’s mommy hugs him tight, and she tells him why. And she reassures Oliver that his daddy loved him—and that will never change.

In developmentally appropriate language and evocative illustrations, this picture book helps open communication about why a parent completes suicide. A reader’s note offers more information about supporting children who have lost a parent to suicide.

Genres: Picture Books, Mental Health, Childrens, Grief, Death, Family, Fiction

32 pages, Hardcover

Published September 5, 2023

Reviews

[Star Gater · Rating 5 out of 5]

Published: 11/14/23

Thank you NetGalley and American Psychological Association, Magination Press for this beautifully written story.

How do you explain the suicide of a parent to a young child? I have often wondered. This book spoke volumes to me. I think it is well-written and answers the question of why. In addition, reinforcing love and not blaming is important. Suicide is not contagious.

At the conclusion, there are words and helpful things written by the AMA.

I think people in large masses should read this.

[donna backshall · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a pragmatic and thoughtful book, showing how to discuss the tragedy of losing a parent to suicide. It reassures the child that it's okay to be sad, that the love the parent had for the child is completely separate from the intentional departure, and that sharing the fear/sadness/questions with the rest of the family will help everyone heal.

I especially appreciated the lack of mythical or religious "explanations" for what happened or fantastical ideas for whatever magical or heavenly place their parent might have ended up. There's no place for that. The approach of honestly and openly acknowledging the loss and the very appropriate feelings of sadness makes the most sense. Address the issue, don't try to cover it with your favorite color of glitter, just because you don't think a kid can handle it. It happened, it's tragic, so let's all deal with it. That's how we all heal, young and old.

[TheBookworm.Therapist · Rating 5 out of 5]

I appreciated that “Why” used specific language such as “he died” and “he is dead”. This specific phrase leaves no room for ambiguity so little folks can begin to process their grief. I thought the illustrations were beautiful and really aided in giving a physical manifestation to depression. I thought the readers note at the end was extremely helpful especially for parents. As a therapist I would use this book in my practice for little folks with this life event.

I received an advance copy of this book provided by the publisher, American Psychological Association, via NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.

[Menyojakata · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a heavy book to read. Seperti yang sudah dicantumkan di judulnya, Why? mengisahkan seorang anak yang ayahnya meninggal karena bunuh diri. I cried a bucket when he asked his mummy why his father died. And her mum cried with him.

Di buku ini, kita diberikan gambaran tentang situasi yang mungkin dialami oleh sebuah keluarga. Betapa beratnya memberikan pemahaman tentang anggota keluarga yang bunuh diri kepada seorang anak. Namun, hal tersebut tetap harus dilakukan, tentunya dengan kalimat sederhana yang dapat mereka mengerti. Di akhir buku, ada juga catatan-catatan cara tentang membersamai anak kecil yang ditinggal orang tuanya meninggal. Komunikasi secara terbuka merupakan langkah awal agar anak-anak tidak menjalani masa duka dalam keadaan terisolasi, karena stigma di tengah masyarakat terkait bunuh diri.

[Jeanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very difficult book to read but needed. Children need to know the truth of depression and that they are not to blame. How do you go on after suicide?

Oliver's father died of suicide and being left with the aftermath, his mom helps him see that he is valued. That he was loved by his father. How they can remember the good times.

The book deals with the what - depression. The why- how people struggle and give up. The how- how do you process the pain and still love.

A special thank you to Magination Press and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.

[Gita Karmani · Rating 3 out of 5]

Jujur, begitu baca ini aku teringat oleh aktor Korea yg blm lama ini meninggal karena bunuh diri. Dia meninggalkan istri dan anaknya + dari yg kubaca dr media, dia adlh seorang family-man.

Aku paham bgt betapa remuknya hati istrinya, yg harus berjuang sendirian jd single parent sekaligus harus memberi penjelasan yg bisa diterima oleh anaknya yg masih kecil dan tdk paham knp ayahnya meninggal. Apalagi, istrinya pun juga harus menanggung aib suaminya yg udah gak ada lagi.

Depresi adlh penyakit yg nyata dan bisa menyerang siapa aja, baik cewek/cowok. Sejujurnya, aku kesal dgn keputusan ayah Oliver (mc nya adlh anaknya yg bernama Oliver) utk mengakhiri hidup, walaupun aku mengetahui bagaimana pikiran org2 yg punya isu di hal ini. Tp setidaknya pikirkan org2 yg akan km tinggalkan, apakah km tega membiarkan mereka menanggung rasa sepi dan aib yg km perbuat.

Aku gak mengatakan org depresi itu egois tp minimal pikirkan org2 yg sangat dekat dgnmu walau mereka tak memahami grief yg dirasakan

[Carly · Rating 2 out of 5]

I voluntarily read and reviewed an advance copy of this book provided by the publisher, American Psychological Association, via NetGalley. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

This book has huge potential to help families struggling with the aftermath of a suicide, but it ultimately missed the mark for me. My family and I lost a family member to suicide when I was a kid, and I dealt with a fair amount of shame and regret after their death. I would have benefitted from my parents having similar discussions with me after the event, and I think that this book can help parents facilitate this discussion with their kids, as well as encourage kids to process their feelings in a healthy way with help from their parents. Relatedly, as a person who has lived with depression and anxiety for nearly all of my life, and a library worker that LOVES reading picture books, I was really excited to read this title. Overall, the author treated the subject matter with the appropriate level of care. However, it seemed like a mistake that author chose to include a line about how the treatment the main character's father received did not help alleviate his symptoms. 2/5 stars.

[Richie Partington · Rating 5 out of 5]

Richie’s Picks: WHY? A STORY FOR KIDS WHO HAVE LOST A PARENT TO SUICIDE by Melissa Allen Heath, PhD and Frances Ives, ill., American Psychological Association/Magination Press, September 2023, 32p., ISBN: 978-1-4338-4196-5

“I went to rehab in wine country just to keep my options open.”
– Robin Williams

“When your day is long
And the night, the night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough
Of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go
'Cause everybody cries
Everybody hurts sometimes”
– REM (1992)

“When Oliver asks, ‘Why?’ his mommy cries.
Oliver cries when his mommy cries.
They both cry. His mommy cuddles him very close.
So Oliver asks, ‘Why?’
His mommy hugs him tight, then she tells him why.
‘Daddy had a serious illness called depression.
Oliver do not worry, you cannot catch depression from another person.’
‘Daddy felt overwhelmed by a deep dark sadness.
Many people get better with medicine and treatment, but that did not help your daddy.’
‘He said everything felt dark.’
‘He was stuck in that deep dark sadness and thought he would never get unstuck.’”

Oliver’s daddy died by suicide. As we learn, it was not mommy’s fault and it was not Oliver’s fault. Oliver’s daddy made his body stop working so that he could get away from those sad, scary and dark feelings.

Robin Williams was 63.
Marilyn Monroe was 36.
Kurt Cobain was 27.

They were rich, famous, and beloved. Who wouldn’t want to be as funny as Robin Williams, as beautiful as Marilyn Monroe, or as talented and profound as Kurt Cobain? But they were ill and, sadly for us, the living, they found a way to end their sadness that resulted in their leaving our world. Their solution was to stop living.

I remember a middle school English teacher teaching us about the 1897 Edwin Arlington Robinson poem “Richard Cory,” and then playing the Paul Simon song that was inspired by the poem. I think that was my first serious introduction to the topic.

Since then, I have lost family members, friends, classmates, and heroes to suicide. As someone who is so often empathetic to the injustices and ill fortunes faced by others, I nevertheless struggle mightily to grasp how someone could want life to end.

But that’s because I’ve never suffered from depression. Sure, there are times when life can be pretty tough for the best of us. I shrug and figure there is always tomorrow. But I can do that because, fortunately, I am well.

Through the story of Oliver’s struggles to understand, WHY? the author provides some great strategies for assisting children of suicide victims. The extensive backmatter provides parents, teachers, and caregivers with important tools to assist kids in dealing with grief, accepting the reality of death, and memorializing the lost family member.

But we need to be prepared to understand the unimaginable. And WHY? is an important resource in that regard. Kudos to the SFPL children’s librarians responsible for purchasing and displaying this one prominently.

Richie Partington, MLIS
Richie's Picks http://richiespicks.pbworks.com
https://www.facebook.com/richiespicks/
richiepartington@gmail.com

[Chantel · Rating 2 out of 5]

It is important to note that most of the themes explored in this book deal with sensitive subject matters. My review, therefore, touches on these topics as well. Many people might find the book's subject matters & those detailed in my review overwhelming. I would suggest you steer clear of both if this is the case. Please note that from this point forward I will be writing about matters which contain reflections on mental illness, grief, suicidal ideations, the death of a loved one, suicide, & others.

Oliver’s father has died by suicide. His absence looms over the family. As Oliver grows he seeks to understand where his father went & why he isn’t with him & his mother anymore. Oliver’s father experienced such severe depressive episodes in life, he became unable to wake with the dawn & was perpetually sheltered from life; his depression cripple him. This is difficult to explain to the most learned of individuals. This book seeks to try to bridge the divide between a child’s understanding of the world & death.

This was an important book for me to read because I was a curious child with a morbid fascination with the disappeared, the unusual flow of life & the permanency of death. However, this is not a book that is well-written. The flow of the story is highly redundant with pages literally repeating the same sequence of both words & events that were showcased in the pages previously. This is not done to drive home a positive message; it would be beneficial to repeat how much Oliver’s father loved him. Rather, the redundancy bogs down the story because it repeats things that are not the core message.

Yes, it is good to know that Oliver’s father held his child but, it is just as important to take up space on the pages explaining that Oliver’s father was a human being who was suffering. What I am trying to express is that the core message of this story is lost in overt uses of the inquisitive term, without actually providing an answer. I would have wanted to see language that encourages children to ask questions & not be afraid of feeling sad or worried that their inquisitive nature might be making their parents sad. Many children withhold curiosity because they do not want to cause sadness to their parents. In this situation, it should be highlighted that the parent’s role remains one of a caretaker to the child. Oliver is not responsible for healing his mother.

The nature of the story is beneficial to explore & I should hope to see further stories broach the reality. Children deserve to know why someone who was meant to love them for all of their life, isn’t there anymore. There is language & action that can be used & done to shed light on these situations in tender & earnest ways. Ultimately, this story could be good if edited to incorporate more than the emphasis on the mother’s emotions & experiences. Oliver is a shadow character whereas his own father is the one that is gone.

Thank you to NetGalley, American Psychological Association, & Melissa Allen Heath for the free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!

[Robin Goodfellow · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book for free. This does not impact the review in any shape or form.

Why? by Melissa Allen Heath, is a children’s story dedicated to exploring the questions a child might have when their parent commits suicide, and how to approach the topic gently and in a way that encourages the child mentally and emotionally. The story begins with a kid named Oliver, who had recently lost his father to suicide. Despite her grief, his mother explains to him the love that Oliver’s father had for him, and that even though he wasn’t there, Oliver still carries his father’s love with him.

Children, especially around Oliver’s age, tend to think that the world revolves around them. As such, things like a parent’s death, or a divorce, or even a simple fight may invoke guilt in the child. With this in mind, Heath makes a point that Oliver’s mother be honest with him. She didn’t sugarcoat it (saying things like “he’s in heaven right now”), didn’t brush him off, didn’t push him away. Instead, she sat him down, and gently told him what had happened. I also liked how Heath approached mental illness; I would even posit that, through this, Oliver has become more cognizant and empathetic of other people’s thoughts and emotions. Oliver can understand and help those who are in his position who are affected by mental health illnesses when he’s older. It’s a privilege that not many children have.

While the art style isn’t necessarily my taste, I do enjoy how Heath painted depression as this deep, dark shadow. But when his mother told Oliver about the love his father carried for him, all the happy times and the comfort that Oliver continues to hold close, the light grows brighter, stronger. Because of this, as well as it’s encouraging blueprint of what to say when children are forced to reckon with such a loss, I would give this book a 4.5 out of 5 stars.

[Theediscerning · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oliver and his mummy are grieving for the man – his dad and her husband – who killed himself. We're not told how – "Daddy made his brain stop working" – but we and Oliver are told just enough, and in a perfectly heartfelt yet calm and explanatory manner, to know just what happened, and more importantly that it wasn't to be rid of Oliver, or to punish him, but to escape the darkness of the father's depression.

Sometimes, when it's really important, we're told it twice – even with this low page count. We're told how the father was always interacting with Oliver, and we see them get to laugh in memory, as well as be sad and tearful.

And throughout we're told this by a very qualified author, and we're shown all this by a consummate artist, with a well-judged level of emotion and gloom. This is a book for A Purpose and not for entertainment, make no mistake, but it is to be read with and talked about with the very young, and it is to be read by the adult. Nobody should end up needing this book, but unfortunately that's not reality – our reality is too, too many spouses of the suicidal will need this to guide them to guide their Olivers. I can't see this failing in that endeavour, making this possibly one of the most important books I've seen this year.

[Panda Incognito · Rating 3 out of 5]

This picture book approaches a difficult subject with care and gentleness, using the fictional story to talk about parental suicide. The book talks about things that are specific to the fictional family, explains the concept of depression and suicide in kid-friendly language, and reassures kids that it's not their fault, and that their deceased parent loved them.

The story includes some repetitive pages that were probably supposed to show additional reassurance through repetition, but ended up just seeming redundant, especially since they were specific to the fictional character and don't apply to everyone. This could have been stronger, but even though this book isn't perfect, it is a helpful resource for families suffering from such a tremendous loss. There is also a lengthy, in-depth author's note at the end that shares more advice for caregivers.

I received a temporary digital copy through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Jan · Rating 5 out of 5]

The death of a parent is devastating, but the death of a parent by suicide can be catastrophic.
This book tells of such a loss and addresses the fears and concerns of a child left behind to let them know that the absent one did, indeed, love but was stricken with such a black cloud on life (depression). The left behind is encouraged to remember the good times and memorialize the person they've lost. At the end there are guides for those who love the grieving child/children and suggestions the need for professional help where available.
The illustrations by Frances Ives are sensitive, imaginative, muted colors, and are so very well done.
Well suited for reading WITH someone of any age including ESL, and perfect for gifting to anyone who needs it, but especially to a school or teacher or your public library!
I requested and received a free temporary e-book on Adobe Digital Editions from American Psychological Association/Magination Press via NetGalley. Thank you.

[Carmen Owen · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a difficult, unspoken topic, but a beautiful way to help already grieving parents support and uplift their child. This story read like a poam of the realities of coping, and moving through life with hurt and sadness that is so hard to put into words, and hard because it could potentially hurt or harm emotions that are already so fragile. What a wonderful source for parents and lean on.

The authors note at the back were very heartfelt and a great source of encouragement.

The illustrations are stunning, and also piercing.

Thank you Net Galley, and the American Psychological Association for doing what you do to help in the way of books.

I voluntarily read and reviewed an advance copy of this book provided by the publisher, American Psychological Association, via NetGalley. All thoughts and opinions are my own

[Kelsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book will be an excellent resource when the need arises. When there is a crises within a family, providing a book that caregivers can read with their children to help explain things in a gentle way is the best way to help start those necessary conversations. Melissa Allen Heath tells the story of Oliver, who's dad died of suicide, and explains how or why that happens in a way that young children can begin to comprehend. Excellent caregiver tips and resources are provided in the back as well.

Why? approaches this sensitive topic in a way that will leave readers with the feeling of being wrapped up in a big hug. Beautifully done.

I voluntarily read and reviewed an advance copy of this book provided by the publisher, American Psychological Association, via NetGalley. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[Lisa Gisèle · Rating 2 out of 5]

I received a complimentary copy of this book via Netgalley. Opinions expressed in this review are my own opinions.

I'm not sure how I feel about this book. It's not the subject as I have been in that deep, dark place many times, and I'm not uncomfortable speaking about death straightforward. I may be the number of times we were told Oliver's daddy died.. I'm sure there is a reason for it, but it seems like a lot.

This book is just so so dark, I was expecting it to end with Oliver's mother informing him thst depression is thought to be hereditary. There needs to be a satisfactory middle ground between daddy was taken by angels to make cookies, and daddy died died died by suicide.

No child should become as jaded as me.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Suicide is a difficult topic, particularly for children who's love ones have died by suicide. In Why? Melissa Allen Heath explores the life of a child who's parent has died by suicide and how he relates to his mother, his surviving parent. The primary audience I think would be most helped by this book are families who have had loved ones who have died by suicide. Heath does a good job at introducing the topic in an age appropriate manner and normalizing the emotions that children may be having during this team. The art is beautiful and the writing is overall well done. Overall, I would recommend this book to families dealing with being the survivors of a loved ones death by suicide and mental health professionals and teachers working with children through this experience.

[Nur Fadhilah Wardana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bingung mau jelasinnya seperti apa. Pernah merasakan titik terendah dalam hidup tapi belum pernah membayangkan bagaimana efek sampingnya saat seseorang tiada terhadap orang lain, terutama anak kecil.

Bagi anak kecil, kematian itu gimana yah jelasinnya, seperti agak berat untuk dimengerti. Tapi dengan buku ini, aku bisa lebih paham bahwa death by suicide itu bukan salah siapa-siapa. Itu karena dia merasa sudah tidak bisa tertolong lagi dan makin tenggelam dalam lautan kesedihan yang dalam.

Arti dalam cerita ini sangat deep, dalam banget. Aku sempat meneteskan air mata dalam proses membacanya, i feel so sad reading this. Serasa menampar jiwaku.

Alur cerita yang sederhana tetapi dengan makna yang dalam tiap slide memberikan kesan tersendiri dalam benakku.

Aku beri ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5/5 stars.

[Beth Bissmeyer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Losing a loved one to suicide is so hard and confusing, especially for kids. This sweetly illustrated story about a young boy who lost his dad to suicide tackles this subject in such a tender, straightforward way that's appropriate for children. Along with the extensive Reader's Note, this book serves as an excellent resource for people who are helping a child cope with the suicide of a parent (or any beloved adult). Reading this can also be good for grieving adults with its important reminder that this is not their fault. It breaks my heart that this book is needed, but I'm so grateful it exists.

[Zelie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read the book that recommended by one of my fellow reader friend, Nanda.

The book is heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. I love the graphics and also the wording.

The reader’s note also great, as it reminds us that everyone, including children, have their own way to deal with grief.

This book also highlight how we have tendency not to talk about certain topic in regards of protecting kids heart, but somehow it might be not the best way. They also need to learn how to manage their emotions, including grief.

Recommended for children above 6 years old and also for storytime with your children/students.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

A child has lost his dad to suicide and asks his mother why? She explains about depression and tells Oliver how much his dad loved them.

Although the book addresses a very sensitive subject, it is carefully worded to teach and to comfort the child without being traumatic itself. I loved the words Heath used as well as Ives' illustrations. You can feel the sadness. Includes a lengthy reader's note to help parents and counselors support and help children facing the loss of a parent to suicide. Oliver is mixed race, his dad is white his mom is brown.

[Sharon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Plot gently describes the grief felt by a child after his father's suicide. Highlights the needs of the surviving parent and the important role of memories in healing. Emotions are expected and tears are necessary, with beautiful artwork supporting the tender portrayal of the subject. The back matter will be extremely helpful for parents counselors, guardians, and teachers in assisting a child and surviving parent. #Why #NetGalley
I voluntarily read and reviewed an advance copy of this book provided by the publisher Magination Press, an imprint of American Psychological Association, via NetGalley. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[Mana Read · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was an honest yet child-friendly illustration of a very difficult and hard-to-understand event that happens in several people’s lives. It clearly explains to a child what has occurred using realistic terminology yet is still gentle in the way the message is made. This would clearly be a difficult topic to discuss with a child, so having a resource like this seems to be a helpful tool to help a child understand what is going on a little better.

[Shauna Morrison · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really like the Reader's Note section at the end of the book. There is a lot of information to help you help children deal with the loss of a parent (family member/friend/sibling).

I liked the repetitiveness of the information within the book. It helps solidify the knowledge that the death is not your fault and it is okay to remember your loved one.

[Leslie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Why? by Melissa Allen Heath is a much needed book. Why? is a resource that professionals and families can use to help kids handle a suicidal death of a loved one. I thought it explained things well and had good helps in the book. Thank you to NetGalley and the Publisher for the opportunity to read this book. My review is also on Goodreads.

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fantastic! Wonderful!

There needs to be more stories like this for children. Stories are a good way of finding the words to say in situations that children strive to understand but might be difficult for adults to say.

A wonderful SEL tool for educators and readers alike.

[rosie (donna tartt’s version) · Rating 5 out of 5]

tw parent death, suicide

i think i specifically liked the surviving parents description of suicide being "he made his body stop working" which i think is language that is easily comprehensible (even if its very tough thematically) for children to understand

[Ariel Daniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Feels weird to not give it a five star review,so I did. idk why I read it besides it came up on tiktok with someone reading it and I didn’t know what it was about. Good resource book though

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

This does a great job explaining the darkness of depression to a child and how their parent's actions don't change their love for their child and spouse. The illustrations are beautiful.

[Caroline · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an important book and is well down for helping guide difficult conversations. The illustrations are emotional -- filled with dramatic shadows and sparks of light.