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The Dazed #1
Dazed: The Story of a Grunge Rocker
When artiste extraordinaire and grunge rocker, Eric Peterson, returns home after living on the Portland streets, he finds most things unchanged, except for one thing. His best friend, Kevin, has moved on to another relationship, causing negativity and pain to resurface in Eric's short, angry, inspired life. Desperate, Eric will stop at nothing to secure a blast of smack, and fellow art student, Brian, tries to help, seeing that Eric's pain might extinguish his artistic brilliance. When Eric finds DAZED, he gives up the drugs cold turkey and climbs brutally through the nightmarish world of addiction. Eric's journey leads to self-discovery, love and passion, and a triumphant survival in a world that hates junkies and fags. CONTENT ADVISORY: There are mentions of a close MF relationship as well as several MM encounters with varying partners.
- GenresM M RomanceDarkMusicGay
424 pages, ebook
First published May 19, 2012
2 people are currently reading
181 people want to read
About the author
Nikki Palomino
6 books24 followersAs a runaway, from the streets of NYC to the Strip
of L.A., Nikki spent her youth as a grunge punk rock
musician, racking up the confusion, frustration and passion
and leading her to write DAZED (The Story of a Grunge
Rocker), the first in a series of novels about the drug and
music culture of the '90s. She learned life, drugs, and
alternative music touring in a van packed with the rest of
the band, equipment, and groupies, playing infamous clubs
like CBGB's.
In 2003, Nikki was named Writer's Digest's Best
Genre Short Story Writer. She's written stories for print
rags, including Nightmares and Blonde on Blonde and has
written erotica for Foggy Windows as well as covering rock
and country music for various rags, including Los Angeles
Country Examiner, Buddy Magazine and Blast. She has
studied under feature writers at both the Houston Chronicle
and the Houston Post.
Nikki was co-writer and co-producer of Palomino
Productions' 2004 film noir, Baby, and the award-winning
dark comedy from 2007, The Rug, later a TV pilot entitled,
Our Way of Life, originally for Fox. She is currently
working on the second in the DAZED series and an
upcoming series of novels entitled The Underground
Diaries.
of L.A., Nikki spent her youth as a grunge punk rock
musician, racking up the confusion, frustration and passion
and leading her to write DAZED (The Story of a Grunge
Rocker), the first in a series of novels about the drug and
music culture of the '90s. She learned life, drugs, and
alternative music touring in a van packed with the rest of
the band, equipment, and groupies, playing infamous clubs
like CBGB's.
In 2003, Nikki was named Writer's Digest's Best
Genre Short Story Writer. She's written stories for print
rags, including Nightmares and Blonde on Blonde and has
written erotica for Foggy Windows as well as covering rock
and country music for various rags, including Los Angeles
Country Examiner, Buddy Magazine and Blast. She has
studied under feature writers at both the Houston Chronicle
and the Houston Post.
Nikki was co-writer and co-producer of Palomino
Productions' 2004 film noir, Baby, and the award-winning
dark comedy from 2007, The Rug, later a TV pilot entitled,
Our Way of Life, originally for Fox. She is currently
working on the second in the DAZED series and an
upcoming series of novels entitled The Underground
Diaries.
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Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews
December 28, 2012
This is truly, for some reason that's beyond me, a hidden gem, an underestimated book written in almost beautifully lyrical prose. On the contrary, it explores many difficult themes. I treasure it like an unforgettable experience with a profound meaning, despite, or more exactly, because of numerous times of breathlessness and heartache.
It's a story about Eric Peterson's heroin addiction, his withdrawal from its irresistible allurement and attempt at avoiding relapse, his immeasurable love for music, his painful journey of self-discovery, love and passion. It's a fighting for a better life that isn't the one makes no sense, serves no purpose, but please understand that that struggle wouldn't really show up until closer to the end. By all means, Eric was and is a junkie to the core. He doesn't even want to try to recover; he refuses any treatment by his bleak, obsessive, somewhat paranoid thoughts about his son, life, death in general, and as result, a fierce need to fall into oblivion. However, he isn't completely an unredeemable character either, for all of his insatiable hunger for drugs, he did have an unrequited love for his best friend and savior Kevin, does deeply love Brian, a young man who despite everything, loves him unconditionally. Between that and his need to protecting Brian from himself and his miserable life of no hope and dream by shutting him out coldly, he hadn't have the courage to admit the truth to Brian. "Love hurts" he says. But fortunately he'd finally do the only thing that feels right.
Raw, harsh, biting, realistic; at times depressing and uncomfortable to read. Throughout the entire book, the despair and loneliness are so sharp it hurts. Nothing is more sad than the fact the only thing he's ever wanted is to be loved, by his family with a father who left 8 years ago and a mother who's emotionally tired by all the burdens she's carried, no less, and even that wish hadn't been granted.
I don't know why this fantastic book isn't read by more readers. If you feel hesitant about the MF close relationship, don't be. It's kind of beautiful, if I say so myself. That's an essential part of its charm. (And why is that the warnings are so fully detailed when they aren't needed, not vice versa?)
I love this book to bits and recommend it highly.
It's a story about Eric Peterson's heroin addiction, his withdrawal from its irresistible allurement and attempt at avoiding relapse, his immeasurable love for music, his painful journey of self-discovery, love and passion. It's a fighting for a better life that isn't the one makes no sense, serves no purpose, but please understand that that struggle wouldn't really show up until closer to the end. By all means, Eric was and is a junkie to the core. He doesn't even want to try to recover; he refuses any treatment by his bleak, obsessive, somewhat paranoid thoughts about his son, life, death in general, and as result, a fierce need to fall into oblivion. However, he isn't completely an unredeemable character either, for all of his insatiable hunger for drugs, he did have an unrequited love for his best friend and savior Kevin, does deeply love Brian, a young man who despite everything, loves him unconditionally. Between that and his need to protecting Brian from himself and his miserable life of no hope and dream by shutting him out coldly, he hadn't have the courage to admit the truth to Brian. "Love hurts" he says. But fortunately he'd finally do the only thing that feels right.
Raw, harsh, biting, realistic; at times depressing and uncomfortable to read. Throughout the entire book, the despair and loneliness are so sharp it hurts. Nothing is more sad than the fact the only thing he's ever wanted is to be loved, by his family with a father who left 8 years ago and a mother who's emotionally tired by all the burdens she's carried, no less, and even that wish hadn't been granted.
I don't know why this fantastic book isn't read by more readers. If you feel hesitant about the MF close relationship, don't be. It's kind of beautiful, if I say so myself. That's an essential part of its charm. (And why is that the warnings are so fully detailed when they aren't needed, not vice versa?)
I love this book to bits and recommend it highly.
September 3, 2012
Dazed is the kind of book that you remember for days, months, maybe even years after you read it. It's haunting, real, tortured, but ultimately redemptive. It makes you want to hurl adjectives in wonder at the finely-honed, economical prose: muscular, hard-edged, evocative, yet at the same time, lyrical and poetic. The story doesn't simply tug you along; it grabs you by the throat, holding you captive to its grungy, nihilistic, delicious, scary, sometimes humorous, and always searing portraiture of human connection, misconnection--and life. Pick this one up.
February 21, 2013
Jointly reviewed for Totallybookedblog.com
Jenny:4.5 Stars
Gitte: I absolutely loved this story for so many reasons. It was raw, emotional, merciless, beautiful yet ugly! I knew nothing about this book going in which made it such an amazing heart-wrenching experience and I frantically read it in almost one sitting as I could not put it down. Every single fibre of me was emotionally invested in this story. It was flawlessly written and I loved the eerie and despondent atmosphere surrounding the words making up this tragedy of addiction; the reality and harshness of life and love. You have this extremely talented person who is trying to survive yet not really living; who has the world and its people at his feet wanting to give everything but most importantly love….so heart-breaking; such a sad waste. This story just grabs you and keeps you in its clutches on an emotional ride with its grunge, poetry, destructive behaviour and torment of epic proportions. I finished this book days ago and can’t get this story out of my head and heart. This story is not for the faint hearted; it will shock you, make you cry and feel extremely emotional.
Jenny: It’s hard to know what to say about this story. It is indeed shocking at times and anyone wanting to read a happy Rock Star book won’t find that happy here. However, what they will find is a very real, gritty, at times heart-breaking, sad story that will leave you wanting more!
This story felt quite depressing, it was gripping and it felt very, very real. No sugar coating anything here, this very raw, sad and tragic story which plummets you head first into the world of music, grunge and drugs is so well executed you will become totally engrossed in the self destructive life of the beautifully talented and tortured Eric.
Gitte: Dazed gives us a naked look into the life of Eric; the beautiful poet and singer /songwriter who is sadly also an addict. The world is his for the taking if only he had the self-worth and energy to do so. Unfortunately Eric is right at the bottom of a ginormous mountain after a series of horrendous events and the climb back up is too overwhelming. Therefore, him shooting drugs into his veins seem to be the extent of the effort manageable to survive. In his short life he has had an emotional and troubled childhood; he has lived on the streets, he has suffered a great loss and he has experienced unreciprocated love. His written words; his drugs; his grunge rock band and the love of a boy named Brian being what’s keeping the suicide tendencies at bay.
Jenny: Gitte, I kept waiting for the feel good moments in this book but they never came. Eric’s time on the streets crushed me, his drug addiction made me angry and broke my heart. I was willing Eric to wake up to himself. I wanted him to see the Eric that everyone saw in him and I wanted him to like himself enough to lay off there drugs, to recognise the talented and beautiful soul that lay within him. I so wanted him to deal with his demons and clean up his act. With every page I turned I lived and hoped the next would a happy chapter for Eric.
Eric has demons aplenty. From his mother who he has a very strained relationship with, to his absent father, to Kevin, a man he loved and who has moved on from Eric. His relationship with Brian was as tormented as it was beautiful. The author captured it all. The anguish, the torment and the suffering. It was all that there and it was devastating but I never gave once gave up on Eric and I never gave up hope.
Gitte: So yeah this story had a huge effect on me; it reminded me of the 90’s when I was a college student in Oxford and used to be down the pub every Friday and Saturday watching the grunge bands on band nights. The drugs were rife, the emotions high and I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing the minute I found out that Kurt Cobain had died. Eric and his journey made me think of Kurt Cobain and think back to my own collage days! It was so emotional….
This was a story with high emotions, sensitive issues, ugliness and anxiety and the struggle to accept an addiction; accept being loved and breaking free from the constraints of the past in order to come out on the other side free of guilt, self-doubt and accepting you have the ability to love and be loved in return. I cannot wait for book #2 to come out to see how this story continues…
Jenny: You’re so right Gitte. This author certainly captured the mood of this era perfectly. She had me transported back in time and I didn’t simply read this book, I lived it. I lived every painful moment. This book isn’t a read, it’s an experience. An intense, desperate experience. You are with Eric every step of the way as he struggles with living through his addiction, his loneliness and his despair, you actually live through right along with Eric. This is a man who could have it all but will he be able to grasp it and beat his addiction. Will he see in himself the Eric everyone else sees? Will he learn to love life and live it?
This story is not a light read and does include some graphic scenes, but I am so glad I took the plunge to read something that took me out of my comfort zone because this one intense journey is one I won’t forget in a hurry. I absolutely devoured this book! Book two can’t come quick enough. I am so invested in all the characters and I need to see how it continues too.
Jenny:4.5 Stars
Gitte: I absolutely loved this story for so many reasons. It was raw, emotional, merciless, beautiful yet ugly! I knew nothing about this book going in which made it such an amazing heart-wrenching experience and I frantically read it in almost one sitting as I could not put it down. Every single fibre of me was emotionally invested in this story. It was flawlessly written and I loved the eerie and despondent atmosphere surrounding the words making up this tragedy of addiction; the reality and harshness of life and love. You have this extremely talented person who is trying to survive yet not really living; who has the world and its people at his feet wanting to give everything but most importantly love….so heart-breaking; such a sad waste. This story just grabs you and keeps you in its clutches on an emotional ride with its grunge, poetry, destructive behaviour and torment of epic proportions. I finished this book days ago and can’t get this story out of my head and heart. This story is not for the faint hearted; it will shock you, make you cry and feel extremely emotional.
Jenny: It’s hard to know what to say about this story. It is indeed shocking at times and anyone wanting to read a happy Rock Star book won’t find that happy here. However, what they will find is a very real, gritty, at times heart-breaking, sad story that will leave you wanting more!
This story felt quite depressing, it was gripping and it felt very, very real. No sugar coating anything here, this very raw, sad and tragic story which plummets you head first into the world of music, grunge and drugs is so well executed you will become totally engrossed in the self destructive life of the beautifully talented and tortured Eric.
Gitte: Dazed gives us a naked look into the life of Eric; the beautiful poet and singer /songwriter who is sadly also an addict. The world is his for the taking if only he had the self-worth and energy to do so. Unfortunately Eric is right at the bottom of a ginormous mountain after a series of horrendous events and the climb back up is too overwhelming. Therefore, him shooting drugs into his veins seem to be the extent of the effort manageable to survive. In his short life he has had an emotional and troubled childhood; he has lived on the streets, he has suffered a great loss and he has experienced unreciprocated love. His written words; his drugs; his grunge rock band and the love of a boy named Brian being what’s keeping the suicide tendencies at bay.
Jenny: Gitte, I kept waiting for the feel good moments in this book but they never came. Eric’s time on the streets crushed me, his drug addiction made me angry and broke my heart. I was willing Eric to wake up to himself. I wanted him to see the Eric that everyone saw in him and I wanted him to like himself enough to lay off there drugs, to recognise the talented and beautiful soul that lay within him. I so wanted him to deal with his demons and clean up his act. With every page I turned I lived and hoped the next would a happy chapter for Eric.
Eric has demons aplenty. From his mother who he has a very strained relationship with, to his absent father, to Kevin, a man he loved and who has moved on from Eric. His relationship with Brian was as tormented as it was beautiful. The author captured it all. The anguish, the torment and the suffering. It was all that there and it was devastating but I never gave once gave up on Eric and I never gave up hope.
Gitte: So yeah this story had a huge effect on me; it reminded me of the 90’s when I was a college student in Oxford and used to be down the pub every Friday and Saturday watching the grunge bands on band nights. The drugs were rife, the emotions high and I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing the minute I found out that Kurt Cobain had died. Eric and his journey made me think of Kurt Cobain and think back to my own collage days! It was so emotional….
This was a story with high emotions, sensitive issues, ugliness and anxiety and the struggle to accept an addiction; accept being loved and breaking free from the constraints of the past in order to come out on the other side free of guilt, self-doubt and accepting you have the ability to love and be loved in return. I cannot wait for book #2 to come out to see how this story continues…
Jenny: You’re so right Gitte. This author certainly captured the mood of this era perfectly. She had me transported back in time and I didn’t simply read this book, I lived it. I lived every painful moment. This book isn’t a read, it’s an experience. An intense, desperate experience. You are with Eric every step of the way as he struggles with living through his addiction, his loneliness and his despair, you actually live through right along with Eric. This is a man who could have it all but will he be able to grasp it and beat his addiction. Will he see in himself the Eric everyone else sees? Will he learn to love life and live it?
This story is not a light read and does include some graphic scenes, but I am so glad I took the plunge to read something that took me out of my comfort zone because this one intense journey is one I won’t forget in a hurry. I absolutely devoured this book! Book two can’t come quick enough. I am so invested in all the characters and I need to see how it continues too.
August 24, 2012
Nikki Palomino’s novel Dazed will automatically evoke the potent image of the late Kurt Cobain, though in reality the protagonist is a composite of several grunge rockers with liberal doses of Palomino’s pure literary intention folded in. No doubt her own experiences in the rock scene and the desperate streets inform much of the intense and gritty reality sketched in the fervid thoughts of Dazed’s tormented rocker. It is possible that he is the male alter ego for the author but then such psychological speculations depart from the fictional world we’ve been invited to partake in to a place both outside and not amenable to verification. Ultimately it does not matter. What matters is the psychic torrent of past pain, self-obsession, longing, narcissism, aspiration, fatalism and regret that whirls tornado-like through the roiling thoughts of Eric Petersen.
Dazed begins with the return to the small town home (and to his ambivalent mother’s house) of its brilliant and nascent grunge rock star Eric Petersen, after a harrowing and ultimately traumatic period spent on the mean treats of Portland Oregon, culminating in the miscarriage of his unborn son, an event that will haunt him throughout the novel (As does much else). Fighting to overcome heroin addiction and his inner demons, DAZED focuses on Eric's struggle to believe that both love and a future are possible. The novel’s prose circles with the winding, looping, frantic, frenetic, ceaselessness of Eric's obsessive thought. His rapid-cycling ruminations return again and again to images of his lost son, his absconding father, his status as a gay heroin addict, musician-poet-derelict-Orpheus, outsider and outcast and persecuted victim; a guilty, remorseful, agitated consciousness stewing in self-recrimination. The high-pitched anxiety of a troubled artist locked in a desperate struggle to get control of his life and his addictions so that he can actually turn his talent to account rather than crashing and burning is reflected in DAZED’s febrile prose. The central dramatic question the novel poses is whether or not Eric can break free of his wounds, his fixations and his fixes, his self-destructiveness and fatalism to claim a life of artistic success and the possibility of love. For some the graphic gay sex scenes might be tough going but for most this novel will be revelation.
Dazed begins with the return to the small town home (and to his ambivalent mother’s house) of its brilliant and nascent grunge rock star Eric Petersen, after a harrowing and ultimately traumatic period spent on the mean treats of Portland Oregon, culminating in the miscarriage of his unborn son, an event that will haunt him throughout the novel (As does much else). Fighting to overcome heroin addiction and his inner demons, DAZED focuses on Eric's struggle to believe that both love and a future are possible. The novel’s prose circles with the winding, looping, frantic, frenetic, ceaselessness of Eric's obsessive thought. His rapid-cycling ruminations return again and again to images of his lost son, his absconding father, his status as a gay heroin addict, musician-poet-derelict-Orpheus, outsider and outcast and persecuted victim; a guilty, remorseful, agitated consciousness stewing in self-recrimination. The high-pitched anxiety of a troubled artist locked in a desperate struggle to get control of his life and his addictions so that he can actually turn his talent to account rather than crashing and burning is reflected in DAZED’s febrile prose. The central dramatic question the novel poses is whether or not Eric can break free of his wounds, his fixations and his fixes, his self-destructiveness and fatalism to claim a life of artistic success and the possibility of love. For some the graphic gay sex scenes might be tough going but for most this novel will be revelation.
June 30, 2012
From the beginning of Nikki Palomino's Dazed I knew I was in for an intense ride. The pain and haze that living on the streets had enveloped Eric in was evident through the writing. Palomino has a very raw style of writing that gets the point across. Anyone who has been or has known an addict knows they see the world differently than everyone else. The protagonist is dealing with a crippling addiction and the fact that he is homosexual in a world that doesn't accept it.
The writing sucks you in and you really feel like you are looking through the eyes of a brilliant lyricist who has lost his way. I enjoyed the way lyrics were circulated in his head through different events in his life. There is a fair amount of drug use, withdrawal, swearing, and sex. To say it is not for the faint of heart is an understatement, but to stay true to the junkie's story it is all necessary. Palomino paints a picture of grunge rock at its prime where heavy drug use was the norm. I recommend this book for someone looking for something to move them, shock them, and make them look at life in a different way. Well done Nikki!
The writing sucks you in and you really feel like you are looking through the eyes of a brilliant lyricist who has lost his way. I enjoyed the way lyrics were circulated in his head through different events in his life. There is a fair amount of drug use, withdrawal, swearing, and sex. To say it is not for the faint of heart is an understatement, but to stay true to the junkie's story it is all necessary. Palomino paints a picture of grunge rock at its prime where heavy drug use was the norm. I recommend this book for someone looking for something to move them, shock them, and make them look at life in a different way. Well done Nikki!
November 23, 2012
One mans epic climb through all the crap the world throws upon him.
This is a top notch account of a world seen through the eyes of a Junkie.Excellent storytelling from beginning to end, with a cast of totally believable characters.I loved following Eric on his journey of self discovery and his quest for absolution
Well worthy of 5 stars!
This is a top notch account of a world seen through the eyes of a Junkie.Excellent storytelling from beginning to end, with a cast of totally believable characters.I loved following Eric on his journey of self discovery and his quest for absolution
Well worthy of 5 stars!
February 17, 2013
Gitte: 4.5 stars
Jenny:4..5 Stars
M/M Genre
Gitte: I absolutely loved this story for so many reasons. It was raw, emotional, merciless, beautiful yet ugly! I knew nothing about this book going in which made it such an amazing heart-wrenching experience and I frantically read it in almost one sitting as I could not put it down. Every single fibre of me was emotionally invested in this story. It was flawlessly written and I loved the eerie and despondent atmosphere surrounding the words making up this tragedy of addiction; the reality and harshness of life and love. You have this extremely talented person who is trying to survive yet not really living; who has the world and its people at his feet wanting to give everything but most importantly love….so heart-breaking; such a sad waste. This story just grabs you and keeps you in its clutches on an emotional ride with its grunge, poetry, destructive behaviour and torment of epic proportions. I finished this book days ago and can’t get this story out of my head and heart. This story is not for the faint hearted; it will shock you, make you cry and feel extremely emotional.
Jenny: It’s hard to know what to say about this story. It is indeed shocking at times and anyone wanting to read a happy Rock Star book won’t find that happy here. However, what they will find is a very real, gritty, at times heart-breaking, sad story that will leave you wanting more!
This story felt quite depressing, it was gripping and it felt very, very real. No sugar coating anything here, this very raw, sad and tragic story which plummets you head first into the world of music, grunge and drugs is so well executed you will become totally engrossed in the self destructive life of the beautifully talented and tortured Eric.
Gitte: Dazed gives us a naked look into the life of Eric; the beautiful poet and singer /songwriter who is sadly also an addict. The world is his for the taking if only he had the self-worth and energy to do so. Unfortunately Eric is right at the bottom of a ginormous mountain after a series of horrendous events and the climb back up is too overwhelming. Therefore, him shooting drugs into his veins seem to be the extent of the effort manageable to survive. In his short life he has had an emotional and troubled childhood; he has lived on the streets, he has suffered a great loss and he has experienced unreciprocated love. His written words; his drugs; his grunge rock band and the love of a boy named Brian being what’s keeping the suicide tendencies at bay.
Jenny: Gitte, I kept waiting for the feel good moments in this book but they never came. Eric’s time on the streets crushed me, his drug addiction made me angry and broke my heart. I was willing Eric to wake up to himself. I wanted him to see the Eric that everyone saw in him and I wanted him to like himself enough to lay off there drugs, to recognise the talented and beautiful soul that lay within him. I so wanted him to deal with his demons and clean up his act. With every page I turned I lived and hoped the next would a happy chapter for Eric.
Eric has demons aplenty. From his mother who he has a very strained relationship with, to his absent father, to Kevin, a man he loved and who has moved on from Eric. His relationship with Brian was as tormented as it was beautiful. The author captured it all. The anguish, the torment and the suffering. It was all that there and it was devastating but I never gave once gave up on Eric and I never gave up hope.
Gitte: So yeah this story had a huge effect on me; it reminded me of the 90’s when I was a college student in Oxford and used to be down the pub every Friday and Saturday watching the grunge bands on band nights. The drugs were rife, the emotions high and I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing the minute I found out that Kurt Cobain had died. Eric and his journey made me think of Kurt Cobain and think back to my own collage days! It was so emotional….
This was a story with high emotions, sensitive issues, ugliness and anxiety and the struggle to accept an addiction; accept being loved and breaking free from the constraints of the past in order to come out on the other side free of guilt, self-doubt and accepting you have the ability to love and be loved in return. I cannot wait for book #2 to come out to see how this story continues…
Jenny: You’re so right Gitte. This author certainly captured the mood of this era perfectly. She had me transported back in time and I didn’t simply read this book, I lived it. I lived every painful moment. This book isn’t a read, it’s an experience. An intense, desperate experience. You are with Eric every step of the way as he struggles with living through his addiction, his loneliness and his despair, you actually live through right along with Eric. This is a man who could have it all but will he be able to grasp it and beat his addiction. Will he see in himself the Eric everyone else sees? Will he learn to love life and live it?
This story is not a light read and does include some graphic scenes, but I am so glad I took the plunge to read something that took me out of my comfort zone because this one intense journey is one I won’t forget in a hurry. I absolutely devoured this book! Book two can’t come quick enough. I am so invested in all the characters and I need to see how it continues too.
Jenny:4..5 Stars
M/M Genre
Gitte: I absolutely loved this story for so many reasons. It was raw, emotional, merciless, beautiful yet ugly! I knew nothing about this book going in which made it such an amazing heart-wrenching experience and I frantically read it in almost one sitting as I could not put it down. Every single fibre of me was emotionally invested in this story. It was flawlessly written and I loved the eerie and despondent atmosphere surrounding the words making up this tragedy of addiction; the reality and harshness of life and love. You have this extremely talented person who is trying to survive yet not really living; who has the world and its people at his feet wanting to give everything but most importantly love….so heart-breaking; such a sad waste. This story just grabs you and keeps you in its clutches on an emotional ride with its grunge, poetry, destructive behaviour and torment of epic proportions. I finished this book days ago and can’t get this story out of my head and heart. This story is not for the faint hearted; it will shock you, make you cry and feel extremely emotional.
Jenny: It’s hard to know what to say about this story. It is indeed shocking at times and anyone wanting to read a happy Rock Star book won’t find that happy here. However, what they will find is a very real, gritty, at times heart-breaking, sad story that will leave you wanting more!
This story felt quite depressing, it was gripping and it felt very, very real. No sugar coating anything here, this very raw, sad and tragic story which plummets you head first into the world of music, grunge and drugs is so well executed you will become totally engrossed in the self destructive life of the beautifully talented and tortured Eric.
Gitte: Dazed gives us a naked look into the life of Eric; the beautiful poet and singer /songwriter who is sadly also an addict. The world is his for the taking if only he had the self-worth and energy to do so. Unfortunately Eric is right at the bottom of a ginormous mountain after a series of horrendous events and the climb back up is too overwhelming. Therefore, him shooting drugs into his veins seem to be the extent of the effort manageable to survive. In his short life he has had an emotional and troubled childhood; he has lived on the streets, he has suffered a great loss and he has experienced unreciprocated love. His written words; his drugs; his grunge rock band and the love of a boy named Brian being what’s keeping the suicide tendencies at bay.
Jenny: Gitte, I kept waiting for the feel good moments in this book but they never came. Eric’s time on the streets crushed me, his drug addiction made me angry and broke my heart. I was willing Eric to wake up to himself. I wanted him to see the Eric that everyone saw in him and I wanted him to like himself enough to lay off there drugs, to recognise the talented and beautiful soul that lay within him. I so wanted him to deal with his demons and clean up his act. With every page I turned I lived and hoped the next would a happy chapter for Eric.
Eric has demons aplenty. From his mother who he has a very strained relationship with, to his absent father, to Kevin, a man he loved and who has moved on from Eric. His relationship with Brian was as tormented as it was beautiful. The author captured it all. The anguish, the torment and the suffering. It was all that there and it was devastating but I never gave once gave up on Eric and I never gave up hope.
Gitte: So yeah this story had a huge effect on me; it reminded me of the 90’s when I was a college student in Oxford and used to be down the pub every Friday and Saturday watching the grunge bands on band nights. The drugs were rife, the emotions high and I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing the minute I found out that Kurt Cobain had died. Eric and his journey made me think of Kurt Cobain and think back to my own collage days! It was so emotional….
This was a story with high emotions, sensitive issues, ugliness and anxiety and the struggle to accept an addiction; accept being loved and breaking free from the constraints of the past in order to come out on the other side free of guilt, self-doubt and accepting you have the ability to love and be loved in return. I cannot wait for book #2 to come out to see how this story continues…
Jenny: You’re so right Gitte. This author certainly captured the mood of this era perfectly. She had me transported back in time and I didn’t simply read this book, I lived it. I lived every painful moment. This book isn’t a read, it’s an experience. An intense, desperate experience. You are with Eric every step of the way as he struggles with living through his addiction, his loneliness and his despair, you actually live through right along with Eric. This is a man who could have it all but will he be able to grasp it and beat his addiction. Will he see in himself the Eric everyone else sees? Will he learn to love life and live it?
This story is not a light read and does include some graphic scenes, but I am so glad I took the plunge to read something that took me out of my comfort zone because this one intense journey is one I won’t forget in a hurry. I absolutely devoured this book! Book two can’t come quick enough. I am so invested in all the characters and I need to see how it continues too.
May 12, 2014
The characters weren't really likable esp the MC Eric, and I just didn't understand his relationship with Brian. Eric was so hung up on his childhood BF who comes home with his boyfriend, but then Eric meets Brian, and that's it, he wants Brian. There was no build up of their relationship, and it seemed like Eric was really only in it for himself. Their first time having sex was really awful and I felt badly for Brian, but Brian could not have cared less because he was gaga for Eric. The book was overly long, and far too angsty. For me to call something too angsty is pretty unbelievable, but there didn't ever seem to be any happy moments, so the angst didn't work for me because it was all just depressing. Maybe it was realistic for a rocker lifestyle, but for a fictional story, it was boring. I love angst, but there has to be a climax to the story where the MC hits rock bottom and then something good happens and things get better, and that did not happen in this book.
April 22, 2013
I must admit this was not the usual type of book I read. I am super happy that I did. While the story is written about Eric - a once homeless grunge rocker (throw in relentless drug user), you can't help but feel the intense emotional release of the author as if telling this story was her own personal therapy. Reading it you almost feel as you are in a documentary or behind the music of classic rockers only more intense. This book is definitely for mature audiences and NOT for the faint at heart. It speaks on several issues in the world of rock and roll including drugs, sex (hot sweaty sex mf/mm), and death. I would recommend readers be at least 18 or over. Great Job to the author and I cant wait til book 2 (wait, was that a spoiler?). I gave it 4 out of 5 only because it doesn't let me do halves. Otherwise it would have been 4.5 stars. If it wasn't for my not liking this genre typically I would have given it all fives. I think this book is highly underrated.
May 29, 2013
I read a diverse range of books, from crime to horror. Humour to fantasy. As a rule though, I normally stay clear of studies of individuals. But, I did a check on Amazon after discovering this authors work on Facebook. I read the 'Look Inside' feature and immediatley ordered the book in paperback. The writing was so damn good.
The story concernes the return of a talented atrist to his home town. Through drug abuse he has lost his way and squandered his talent. His return sparks a revival.
That nutshell does no justic to the book itself. Frankly it's one of the two best books I've read in the last ten years. The writing is exceptional, the characters are written with such care and understanding that even incidental characters leap off the page with the briefest of mentions.
I already have an advanced order for the second, third in fact any book Ms.Palomino writes. And if you think I'm overboard on this. Read it yourself and you'll see it's an understatement
The story concernes the return of a talented atrist to his home town. Through drug abuse he has lost his way and squandered his talent. His return sparks a revival.
That nutshell does no justic to the book itself. Frankly it's one of the two best books I've read in the last ten years. The writing is exceptional, the characters are written with such care and understanding that even incidental characters leap off the page with the briefest of mentions.
I already have an advanced order for the second, third in fact any book Ms.Palomino writes. And if you think I'm overboard on this. Read it yourself and you'll see it's an understatement
dnf
March 30, 2013I just couldn't get past the messy writing style. It fit with the tone of the book, though.
April 16, 2014
This was not a easy book to read i had to take a few breaks in between.
March 13, 2013
This one was a little hard for me to get through because of the powerful emotions it evokes. It is hauntingly beautiful. This author held nothing back. This was a real and raw portrayal in the life of an addict. The character Eric was a nineteen year old who had dealt with so much in his life up to this point. The book starts with him on the streets. He comes home but he doesn’t fit in. He has a strained relationship with his mom and his dad is a no show. He is addicted to drugs and also coming to grips with his sexuality. This story grabs you from the beginning and holds you in its grip until the end. I read this without pausing. It truly was unlike anything I had ever read. It lingered in my mind and honestly it is still there.
I kept waiting for a glimpse of a silver lining that never came. Eric was a musically talented soul that just spiraled down his own troubled path. It reminded me of all those beautiful souls that music lost to addiction. People like Lane Staley and Mike Starr from Alice in Chains, Shannon Hoon from Blind Melon. They lost their battle with addiction but left behind a piece of themselves through their music. Eric’s story felt like I was reading his private Hell.
There were two men that Eric loved. It was sad that Eric just didn’t love himself enough to love someone else. He pushes everyone away and clings to his mistress “drugs”. I know this sounds so depressing but you can’t miss the opportunity to read this book. Grunge wasn’t meant to be pretty and this story isn’t pretty. It is in your face, screwing with all preconceived notions. You think you know, but you don’t know.
The author made all of this seem real. It guts you and twists your emotions. The writing is superb. Every word on every page unfolds into a beautifully broken tale. Nikki Palomino just threw all caution to the wind and made this story speak with a gut wrenching voice. I normally wouldn’t have picked up this book but it was in my inbox for a review. I took a chance and I was awarded with probably one of the most intense reading experiences. Nikki Palomino you are a writing “Rockstar”.
*Just a warning: there is some man/man love scenes in this book. If you are uncomfortable with that then you might not want to pick this up.
I kept waiting for a glimpse of a silver lining that never came. Eric was a musically talented soul that just spiraled down his own troubled path. It reminded me of all those beautiful souls that music lost to addiction. People like Lane Staley and Mike Starr from Alice in Chains, Shannon Hoon from Blind Melon. They lost their battle with addiction but left behind a piece of themselves through their music. Eric’s story felt like I was reading his private Hell.
There were two men that Eric loved. It was sad that Eric just didn’t love himself enough to love someone else. He pushes everyone away and clings to his mistress “drugs”. I know this sounds so depressing but you can’t miss the opportunity to read this book. Grunge wasn’t meant to be pretty and this story isn’t pretty. It is in your face, screwing with all preconceived notions. You think you know, but you don’t know.
The author made all of this seem real. It guts you and twists your emotions. The writing is superb. Every word on every page unfolds into a beautifully broken tale. Nikki Palomino just threw all caution to the wind and made this story speak with a gut wrenching voice. I normally wouldn’t have picked up this book but it was in my inbox for a review. I took a chance and I was awarded with probably one of the most intense reading experiences. Nikki Palomino you are a writing “Rockstar”.
*Just a warning: there is some man/man love scenes in this book. If you are uncomfortable with that then you might not want to pick this up.
June 26, 2013
I don't know how to describe my feelings throughout this amazing story other than awe of the writing and story itself. This story was amazingly unique describing the life of Eric Peterson a talented artist, a amazing guitarist , writer and junkie with two inches. Eric left home (was kicked out) and lived on the streets of Portland for a year ( the writer describes his feelings and actions as though you were their with him) what he delt with and lost. Then he's back home and dealing with daily life; school, a loveless mother and a father that's not around but the worst for Eric is his relationship with his best friend Kevin. Eric turns to drugs for relief as he always did, he can't figure out his life so he refers to David Bowie's advice. I could not put this book down once I started it ( up till 3am) The author draws you into Eric's life, I felt a part of it, I felt sad and hurt for him, I wanted to hug him, hold him, love him. The story continues with Eric meeting Brian a fellow art student, starting a grunge band (Dazed) having gigs, being on the top of the world but feeling at the bottom
and and his journey of self discovery and recovery. I absolutely loved this story, it was amazingly written and is totally unique. I can't wait for book 2.
June 14, 2013
Dazed was a full of drama, much like a Lifetime or Hallmark movie. That isn't a slight. When I'm in the mood for drama, and especially tears, Lifetime and Hallmark are great. The book's subtitle makes it seem like music and the grunge rock scene play a big role in the story, but I didn't really get a sense of Eric as a musician. Mostly I got a sense of him as a drug addict. The music was something he was good at, but the drugs were more important and was what occupied most of Eric's time. In addition to the drug drama, there's Eric's love life drama and his parental drama. Notwithstanding his drug addiction and messed up parents, Eric doesn't lack for lovers or people who care about him. And of course, less than stellar parents plus multiple romances make for even more drama.
July 24, 2013
This isn't an easy read. Then again, drug addiction isn't an easy life. There's nothing neat and tidy about the life of Eric Peterson the young, sexually confused (or rather sexually sure just surrounded by bigots), grunge rocker. The love he wants is just out of reach, the mother and father he needs too caught up in their own BS to do their jobs, and the music that can be his salvation, well, dope comes part and parcel with the gig. But it's accurate. There's a romance--especially at a young age--with the sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll ethos. Nikki Palomino doesn't sugarcoat and she doesn't condemn--just straps you in for a wile, roller-coaster narrative filled with love, loss, and ... hope. If Eric can just get out of his way, he can do great things with his life. But that's a mighty big if ...
November 29, 2012
Well written gripping story about addiction,life,love,friendship and everything that goes with it.This was a book that I couldn't put down.This is the begining of the end of a talented person that has it....trying and not knowing what it is.It is a story about love of family-blood and non-blood that stick with Eric no matter what...This shows you the why of addiction and the why addicts can't just stop.You will walk away from this book with a different outlook at addicts.Hopefully with a better understanding for what the drug causes instead of the anger at the addict that won't just put it down.This novel leaves you wanting more and praying there is more for Eric and his small crew of misfits.I've heard Nikki Palomino is working on book 2.
July 26, 2013
This book was recommended to me by Facebook. The author also hosts a music show that I see mentioned on Facebook often.
The book starts with a shock of drug use and keeps tension throughout. The graphic descriptions of drug use and the after effects on the person’s body are vivid and really stay with you afterward. The effects of the lifestyle crush not only the main characters of the story but other people like associates and family.
This isn’t a pop culture mainstream feel-good book at all, but it should be read.
The book starts with a shock of drug use and keeps tension throughout. The graphic descriptions of drug use and the after effects on the person’s body are vivid and really stay with you afterward. The effects of the lifestyle crush not only the main characters of the story but other people like associates and family.
This isn’t a pop culture mainstream feel-good book at all, but it should be read.
June 29, 2012
Not quite sure what to say about this one. It has a pretty unique voice, and sounds as if it accurately represents the environment of drugs, rock bands, and the fight against addiction. The blurb is a pretty accurate description of what to expect (so is the reader caution), so be prepared.
If you're up for an experimental read that is extremely realistic, packs a few punches, and is not a romance, give this one a try.
If you're up for an experimental read that is extremely realistic, packs a few punches, and is not a romance, give this one a try.
July 29, 2013
Sex, drugs and Rock and Roll. Yes, this book is more for the adult viewers, especially since we all can relate to hardships and life trials that torment and torture us. If you want to read something that can show you the world of stardom and pain, then this book is most defiently for you. Nicely done, Nikki. You really know how to hold your fans to their seats till the very ending
♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥
April 21, 2012
A very long read, but I conquered it with eyes wide open.
May 18, 2012
Its really hard story. Plot is full of drugs, suffering, drama, drama, drama. Its not happy ending story or rather I don't see it that way. So who even will try to read it get yourself prepared.
March 7, 2013
Excellent book. I was surprised at its reality. Many families deal with this everyday. I await the book 2.
August 31, 2013
4.5 stars
September 10, 2013
I love gritty books, 4.5 stars!
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